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PAGE BIX CiKANTS l'ASS O.ULY (WIUKH I itiiv. m;iti:miii;ii n. nni. Reader's Caustic Criticism of Modern Heroine. Thsy Lack the "Homey" Qualities of the Characters in the Page of Dickens, I One Thing He Hai Noticed. Doctor Pedbury picked up tta any ly bound novel that lay on bis patlent'a ecunterpune. Well. Hosea." he Inquired, "how ts light literature prescription work let? Good story? Mislay pretty girl an the cover, anyhow." "Ain't read It and ain't a-going to," fleclared Hosea aggressively. "OHrl's pretty enough, but no throe hundred pages of her doln's for me. She don't stand the test. They don't any of 'em. j Gver or frontispiece; there's only two aorta of 'em, and I don't like either. I ln't pertlck'ler whether they're tall ! r short, skinny or dimply, pypsyish ; or light complected; but I do want 'em : nice, llknhle-lookln' sort of huuiuns ' and they ain't. You put 'em to the ; button test, and It dowps 'em." j "The button test? What's that?" aaked Doctor Pedbury. j "Oh. I s'pose there's others." admit- ted TTiwen. "but h:iT the easiest: It-xf ' s'pose a feller wants a button sewed on wants It rlsht off. Well, he harts his coat on his arm and ptos to one of those plrls. Hwomlolen Gortnule," anys he. "I want to wear this coat, there's n button off. Can you tlx It V Well " Uoca displayed the Imperial beauty on the hook cover "Jest look at her. doc. You know what she says without m tellln' ye. 'Ilase slave, be gone!' or lllnlon. iivmint :' or "Imperti nent llube. co ask your grandmother!' or some little thine of that sort. That's the general Idee; that's the way Gwen dolen Gertrude looks. "And there's lots to her chin up, bead back, eyes shut; handsome crit ters; hut goh ! who'd want to ask a favor of 'em? 'less by telephone, so's he could drop the receiver quick before he got an answer. Well, that's some folks' idee of a lovely heroine, I s'pose but It ain't mine. "The other kind ain't so dangerous lookln', but she ain't much more use. Jest frivolous. Homy or kltteny, one or t'other. 'Klsle Maree, here's a but ton wants sow In': s'pose yon could do ItT Klsle Maree. she Inuchs pretty and shows nice teeth and says, pleas ant, 'Why, yes, of t nurse ; only she's got eniRisements n to the middle of next week, and. anyways, the buttons she sews ain't warranted to stay on more'n an hour or so; so maybe, efter all, t would be as well to ask some; body else. Well, that's Klsle Maree; and she ain't my notion of a lovely heroine, either. "Heroines were different when t was young. Pickens' heroines, now ; they was real nice and lovable besides belli' pretty, and their plcters looked It. That Utile IVit woman with the baby, and that Kiilli girl that made the beef teak pudilln' they'd lm stood the button test all rluhl. "nln doctor? Say, reach me that seed cat a let no off the table fust, won't ye; and. say. If e would stop to the library as ye pass and ask Hill llli kcns for n copy f Nicholas Nlckle by mine's such bad print ma won't let me rend It In bed and brlnir It along next visit, r,l npprorlnto It a lot. Thank you, doctor! I thought you wouldn't, mind." Youth's Companion. Australian Water Holes, A curious form of water hole Is found In the deserts of western Aus tralia, dry by day but yielding an abundant supply of water by ultrlit. The Mow of water Is preceded ny weird Ills-dug and sounds of niviii.ig air. On examining one it, was round that the water supply ucciirred lu a long tmi row trench, at the boitooi of which was a thin pinto of gneiss, sep arated by a cavity from tin- main rock mass beneath. Apparently ( the I. eat of the day onuses tills plate to ex pand In the form of a depression, in which the water retroni-. When it cools and contracts Ml nilit It forces l-r-i air and thru water lui--; Into (lie tnmli. FA-;!!? ':- Wvh-.:.! V if .. . V- ';ssO 'VwfifVMi 4 4-... ' ,;".-rl i ,---Y WIFE GETS NEW HAT, . YET SHE COMPLAINS Says Husband Is Liberal Spender Except When Household Is Concerned. Twenty cents will not pitrcluise u suitable hat for the wife of a man who earns l'J,iHt n month. This point was decided, olllclally nml finally, by the appellate division of the supretn Milt In New York when It alllrnied the decree of ep-ir.i-you awarded by .ItiMloo I'l-mlb-I'Mi to l. MIS. X 1111-11 II. -i, her husband, Jo-rpli It. Montgomery, who Is u raw sugar buyer for Arhucl.lo llrothers. .Mrs. Montgomery stilted III ii'H davlts oppo-lng her bushniid's mipll cation to have set ii'dde the scpafl tlon onler Unit her IiiMuiihI was u lib eral spender except where It c.mie lo Ills lloll-.elold. ' He would allow lor only $1 n day for food and nothing for cloth- ling, except on one occasion when ho ! dided out 'JO cents with which to her o at iiUit. he would prraoimrty .11, e I he bread to ho relumed t itmi Hi Ighlmra got none tho he-.t -if II. Iioctor bills be also hulked nt, shit M id. ami on numerous occasions when these fell ilue he remarked with evi dent rheerfulnrss that be could bury iN wife lor less than It would cost to settle with the phvlelan. Allnionjr later will be livid by ,liillee I'elidlif toll, lli'lore thi lr Hiiairatlou the MiHit ginnery lived at IMI West Olio Hun dred and i:ighllcth street. I.alrsi porlrait of t.hierii Illizabelh or Ilelgltmi, who with King Albert and. their three children nre to visit the United Stntes In the rear future. purchase a new spring bonnet, sin' 'declared. She said she was forced j to borrow bread from neighbors (bit j I it k the day, and on telling her hus band of this on his return to the Life's Damage. It Is much cn-ler to die tbnn to take a vacation. A ngin who Is sum moned lo his ln-t long vioage may set Ids house In order In an hour; a few words, written or dictated, will dis pose of bis possessions, and hs heirs will gladly altriid to the details. This (lone, be may fold his hands on bis chest nml depart this vexation life In pence. It Is ipilte another matter to prepare for u few weeks uwnv from bmti, There are hills to be paid: tbs Icrinaii. ami tin- mill. mini, ami the lo tl mi i v ti in n tu ii -1 hr cliol.ed off. ami the dally paper rest rained from Ut tering the dootsiep There l hair to be cut, and i . 1 1 io he tinkered, ami so oil In short, It tiil.es day to slop the inaehliK rv of living for a fortnight, a nil (lays to start II irolug again. Kilt, n y dear. must have n change, ChlruiM Ti ll.iine. ' lilSi' "Speed UP the Growth and Prosperity of Oregon" p I j I TUfSimTTTTT It Pays to Buy the Best Ask for Olympic Flour Makes Whitest, Sweetest, Healthiest Bread 51. !WaTi5Wunfl ?- cm .i fi, I - OLYMPIC Makes Health Happiness and Success Made from carefully selected Northwestern Wheat, thoroughly cleaned and scoured by the most modern meth ods known. All the nutritious qualities of the Wheat are retained and it reaches you clean, pure and wholesome. The Portland Flouring Mills Co. -COSTS LESS TASTES liEST' NUTMARGARINE is a pure, wholesome and nutritious product a delicious aproad for toast, broad and biscuits, and fine for cakes and pastry. The rich oil from the meat of the cocoanut, churned with a jrcnerous quantity of pure pasteurized, sweet milk und just enough salt that's "UMECO." a Pacific Northwest Product strictly a Quality Product packed in paraffined odor-proof cartons. Your Grocer can supply you. Buy the RED PACKAQE of Nourishing Sodas Inked in 'Portland's hg DA Y LIGHT FACTORY Union Meat Co., North Portland, Oregon. TAKE NOTICE Jt Jl fcal:'-:vv jtftf ft-'. ,4 00- " k&P INVESTIGATE Call your nearest dealer for information AT ONCE. Then take the earliest opportunity of conveying to said dealer the idea that you wish to acquire one of these This Man Talks Lika It Was a Ford. Hood River, Or.. Koine, Mr. 4. VaurhaD Motor Works. Portland. Oregon. Dear Sirs: Am l.uving fine suc cess with the little old l,u. Avi-r-age ten ricks to gallon of uas; al so cut 8U0 ricks at 4 ,-tt per rick, fining some for na old rig. llenjiect'ully yours, J. J. KRf.EMACIIi:i. LABOR SAVERS A Gasoline Motor Driven Drag Saw Machine that saws up to 25 cords of wood per day. NOTE : We also suggest that for good results you should specify a VAUGHAN Drag Saw. For further details addreus VAUGHAN ?,10T0It WORKS, Inc., 475 East Main Street. Portland, Oregon. The Si mi of (ionf. Quality WHY I Should I'w t Golden Rod Cereals Ue auHR they Hie r-xcell'nt In quality tf reasonable iirice anil the prortnco of a !liimi Itl'Iiint ry. Golden Rod Milling Co. Cereal Mi!!i-rs atici 1 nui'-ry p'ooil Man lfuttnn r. 1'ortlnnrt, On-Kon Most housewives prefer CROWN FLOUR hficaiiHO it Is always depend able; not good one time and poor the net, but hIvvu.vh good. f'rown Klowor is us near riKht a the bent wheat, mo d"rn niaihlnery and expert milling knowledge can make it. Kvcry huUKeliold uliould use !- ,:::(!:il flour. A trial will convince you NOT BLEACHED flaacftlZ1 " . ' f U ! -1 .. ,Mmutmmk i ass L l miiilj Wt I f':