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Goodwin's weekly : a thinking paper for thinking people. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1902-1929, August 14, 1909, Image 12

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Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/2010218519/1909-08-14/ed-1/seq-12/

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H H GOODWIN'S WEEKLY
Hj MR. HINNESSEY ON AFFINITIES.
M By J. Li. Considine.
H "Well, sir," said Mr. Hlnnlssoy, "from thiB an,
H the yalla journals'll have to take their hats off to
H ) the yalla magazines. For the real, up-to-date,
B chili capina s'ciety news, the yalla journal stands
M no show at all, at all these days.
M ' "Talk ahout your scandals in high loifo, how
fl is that gr-reat moral ingyne, Hearst's American,
M goin' to respond, with its meager details of the
M ! number of gin fizzes Katherine Lemmons Gould
H used ill her last hath, to the public thirst for uso-
M ! ful and odil'yin' information, when Munsoy's Mag-
fl azlne is able to go it several better with an ao-
M f count of that hack-ride, tuk without a chaperon,
M by N. Bonaparte, Sr., and Maria Louisa Haps-
B . burger?
B k v "Wan by wan, Dooly, the Idles of me youth
M are fallin,' an' 'tis the yalla magazines that are
B nusMn the props from undther thim. I've always
m had a notion tliat the flirtation bechune Marc
B ' Anthony and Cleopathra was not a strictly hand-
B kerchief affair- an, the s'ciety rayporther on Mun-
M sey's more than intimates that I was correct in
H me impression but to see me old frind, Willum
H Pacemaker Thackery, held up to ojum as a gay
H , Lothario pursuin' a married lady, and to learn at
H this time o' me life that that sainted statistician,
H ; John Stuart Mill, once thripped over a hedge of
H mathematics onto the primrose path of dalliance
H only to discover a lonesome grass widow on the
H other side it jars me, Dooly, it jars me, so it
H does.
H "The gr-reatest objiction I find to this hitherto
H onrevealed but highly important news, is the nlat-
B ther of fact, cold-blooded way in which Munseys
H muckraker pitchforks it onto the innicint and
H l unsuspectin' public. If Munsey'd only get wan
B of William R. Hearst or Joey Pulitzer's young min
to dish up th' dope, it'd put the classic touch on
tht finished product, so it would. Thin we'd have
something like this to rade:
"'Scandalous Elopement In High Life.'
" 'Alexandhry, Egypt, Aug. 11. From all ap
pearances, M. Anthony, Esq., the Eyetalian am
bassador, who has been shinin' up to the coort
ladies for the past year or so, hit the high places
yesterday marnin' with Miss Cleopathra Ptolemy.
Miss Ptolemy folks have consldhered her as on
reliable for sometime past, but they were totally
upsot to find her make as bad a break as this.
Anthony's vallt, who was left behind, has been
industhrusly circulatin' a raypoort that his boss
had gone to Rome to kape a fistic appointment
with his brother-in-law, young Gus Sayzer. In
this connection it may be mintioned that Sayzer's
sister, Mrs. Octavlo Dorothy Anthony, who ie
suin' her husband for alimony, lately gave a state
mint to the Rome "American," in which she said:
" 'I first met Mr. Anthony while he was
shovelin' hay on me uncle's ranch near Tusculum,
an' made a man out of him. To me he owes ev
erything that he is today. I made a waryor and
stattesmau of him, and with the assistance of Wil
lum Shakespeare did much to fasten the reppyta
tion of bein' an orator upon him. Now If he
wants to go thrapesin' around the country with a
saddle-colored, red-headed mulatto, it's his look
out. So far as I'm consarned, the soap's off.
Against Mr. Anthony personally I have nothin' to
say. He is a gintleman an' a scholar, an' asldt
from an uncontrollable appetite for liqir, a fond
ness for the s'ciety of colored people, an' an un
conquerable propinyity to get away with every
thing that isn't nailed down, he's all right. That
he is what ho is is due solely to the comp'ny he
keeps. I love him dearly, although I am suin' on
the ground of desartion, an' if he comes home
which ho is welcome to any time he dares ho
will find the latchstring out an' meself inside wait
In' to receive him with a rollin' pin."
" 'Cleopathra's manicure, who also remained
in town, insists that her misthress has gone to
Actium, to the flyin' machine race. However, the
fact that Anthony took passldge on the same Boat
is regarded as highly significant, and the matther
is bein' freely discussed this afthernoon in all
the dress-makin' an' tonsoryal parlors of Alex
andhry. " 'Later Dispatches from Alexandhry, fil
thered through the press clnsor, state that Mis
ther Anthony and Miss Ptolemy were simply at
tinding a moonlight picnic. Nayther is explcted
to rayturn. While Anthony was rowin' on the
Nile, some playful friend rocked th' boat. An
thony's other friends are now dhraggin' th' river
with grapplin' irons. Miss Ptolemy was bit by
rattlesnakes while huckleberryin' late in the af
ternoon or sometime afther twilight a failing of
hers. Funeral notices later.'
"Yis, Dooly, It vould lighten the gloom that
hangs over those monotonous chronicles of the
sordid everyday life of the ancient aristocracy if
the livenin' hand of some intherprisin' young
Stead or Creelman could be invoked to put on the
finishin' touches. How's this now?
" 'Pote Goes the Pace.'
"'Vinice, Italy, August 11. Jarge Gar
den Byron, who had been a success
ful conthrlbutor to McClure's Magazine, was
found unconscious on the bank of the canal In
front of the plazzy Guiccicoli about daylight this
mornin'. On bein' taken to th' emergincy hos
pital an revived by heroic measures, Byron stated
that while makin' a mornin' call at the palazzy,
he thripped with his game fut on the top step
of the main inthrance an' fell to the bottom,
where he lay sinseless for a few secondsi befure
bein' picked up. But this is conthradicted be the
B
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