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Dakota County herald. (Dakota City, Neb.) 1891-1965, November 26, 1909, Image 6

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Suffered Ten Years Relieved in Threi
Months Thanks to PE-RU-NA.
W Mil
3. B.FIZEK,Mt.8terltng,Ky.,STs:
bare Buffered with kidney and
Madder trouble tor ten year past
iLaat March I commenced using
Feruna and continued for three month.
I have not used It tinea nor havo I folt
For sore throat, sharp pain
in lungs, tightness across the
chest, hoarseness or cough,
lave the parts with Sloan's
Liniment You don't need to
rub, just lav it on lightly. It
penetrates instantly to the seat
of the trouble, relieves conges
tion and stops the pain.
HerVsHhe Proof.
Mr. A.W. Price, Fredonia, Kans.,
ays: "We have used Sloan's Lini
ment for a year, and find it an excel
lent thing for sore throat, chest paint,
colds, and hay f e ver attacks. A few
drops taken on sugar ttopt cough,
log aad sneezing instantly."
is easier to use than porous
plasters, acts quicker and does
not clog up the pores of the skin.
It it an excellent an
tiseptic remedy for
asthma, bronchitis,
and all inflammatory '
diseases of the
throat and chest;
will break up the
deadly membrane in
an attack of croup,
and will kill any kind
of neuralgia or rheu
matic pains.
All dru relate Veep
(Uoan's Liniment.
Priest ISO., BOM $1.00.
Dr. Earl S. Sloan,
bhat Prof. Shaw, the Wall-Known AsH-
wultisrwt, Saya About Itl
CIIAPTKU III. (Continued.)
Ilatteran had almrd well and before
tlthcr of lil companions ramn up he
ad plunged his knlfo In the animals
Hurrah! Itravo!" shouted JolinBon
nd tho doctor, but Huttcrus stood cool
nd unexclttd, Kaing at bis prostrate
The boast was very fat, and weigh
ed 1.500 pounds. Tho hunters were so
mlxhed that they had hardly patience
to cut up tho carcass and carry homo
he flesh to be cooked. It needed all
the doctor's persuasion to pruvent
them cutlnir it raw.
fin entering the hut, they were
ruck with the coldness of the atmos-
hcre. The fire was out. The r-xclt-
111: business of the morning una mnae
ohnson neglect his nccustomed duty.
The doctor got tho tinder and asked
ohnson for the steel.
The sailor went through his pockets
nd searched the hut. The steel was
"Not got the steel!" the doctor re
peated, shuddering. "Look again."
Hut It was gone.
'This Is a serious business, doctor,"
said Hatteras, gravely.
Each sat looking at the other, and
death. It was serious. Then tho
doctor sprang to his feet
"An Idea has occurred to me."
"What?" said Hatteras.
"Let us make a lens."
"With Ice."
"Weil try It Bring your hatchet,
A good-sized piece was soon cut off,
bout a foot In diameter, and the doc
tor set to work. He chopped it Into
rough shape with the hatchet, then
with his knife, making as smooth
surface as possible. He finished the
polishing process with his fingers, rub
bing away until he had obtained a lent
as transparent as crystal.
The aun wai shining, tho tinder was
held beneath the ice lens to catch the
rays. In a few seconds It took fire, to
Johnson's rapturous delight.
Ho danced about like an Idiot, almost
beside himself with Joy, and shouted
Hurrah t hurrah!" while Clawbonny
hurried back Into the hut and rckln
died the fire. It was soon roaring, and
it waa not many minutes before th
savory odor of broiled bear steak rous
ed Hell from his torpor.
what a feast this meal was to the
poor starving men may be Imagined.
The doctor, however, counseled moder
ation In eating, and set the example
"This Is a glad day for us," ho said,
"and we have no fear of wanting food
all the rest of our Journey, still, we
must not forgot we have further to go
yet and I think the sooner we stu'vt
tho better."
"We cannot be far off now," said Al
tamont, who could speak almost per
fectly again; "we muBt be within forty-eight
hours' march of the Porpoise."
"I hope we'll find somothing there to
make a fire with," said the roctor,
smiling. "My lens needs the sun, and
there are plenty of days when It does
not make Us appearance here, within
less than four degrees of the polo.
"Less than four degrees!" repeated
Altamont, with a sigh; "yea, my ship
went further than any other has ever
"It Is time we started," tald Hatter-
as, abruptly.
On the way the doctor asked Alta-
lso a powder magazine and a shelter
for the dons.
Tho walls of the house were over
five feet thick, and the windows made
of polished sheet loo resembling port
holes for cannon. Every part was as
olid as possible, and a parapet was
erected outside for defense against any
While all these preparations for wln-
er were going on, Altamont was fast
regaining strength. He was a type of
the American, shrewd, intelligent, full
of energy und resolution; enterprising,
old, and ready for anything. He was
a native of New York, he Informed his
companions, and had been a sailor
from his boyhood.
The porpoise had been equipped and
sent out by a company of wealthy
American merchants.
There were many points of resem
blance between Altamont and Hatter
as, but no friendship. With a greater
show of frankness, he was In reality
far more deep and crafty than Hat
teras. His apparent openness did not
Inspire such confidence as the English-
moment T Dead, from certfl ana nu-
"Come, come, friends," said the doe
tor, "don't get to words; all that can
be easily settled."
"Mr. Hatteras," said Altamont, "Is
welcome to name whatever territories
he may discover, should ho succeed In
discovering any; but this continent be
longs to me. I should not even con
sent to Its havlngwo names like Qrln
nells I .and, which is also called Prince
Albert's I.and, because It was discov
ered almost simultaneously by an En
glishman and an American. My right
of priority Is Incontestable. No ship
before mlno ever touched this shore;
no foot before mine ever trod this soil.
1 havo given It a name, and that name
It shall keep."
"And what is that name?" inquired
tho doctor.
"New America," replied Altamont
Hatteras trembled with suppressed
passion, but by a violent effort re
trained himself.
(To be continued.)
"I would eonner relae cattle In Weatarn
mao in me corn wvi. tu
the United Blew. Feed
la cheaper and cllmata
txttter Tor purpoaa.
Your market mill Im-
rove Xtwter Mao jnnr
111 broduoeth
upplina. tht rmn hm
grown up to tha ttHh par
all. (Hrt) DillflS north of
tii lnit.raal Innal ktonn(l
aryj. Your vacant land
will be taken at ft rate
bajrona prevent eoncep
ticm. lr e have anoniih
.Jimnple In the. United
"' 'Htatee alone who want
to take an Uiie lead.1 Welj
70,000 Americans
will nteranftmakethi.tr harass
la Wi-eteru Canada this yeur.
IDOtt produced nimdier liirira
crop nf wheat, oat and barley,
to adilllloii to which the rnllU
wlug In
IM. fijuill
chrwan and AUuirta
ttettla ralnin. dairytna. nil
fartnlnt and Brain arnwlug In tha
ftroviuuea or maniioua. aaanat
I ran hauiMIS(l ami ma eillD-
tloa ara. a well an lands bold
br mi Iwajr and land ootnnunlM, will
provlila tiniuaa fur mllllmiN.
Adaptable imtII, liMlthful rll
mate, aplemlld arhoola oud
oliurabra, and a-ood railway.
fc'ur station ru rivncrlptlva
literature "Last Htwi Went." how
' 1 to reach tha country and other aar
tlealara, writa to 8up'k of Inirul-
ratton. uttaaa. tfeuaaa, or to tua
lollowlDt Canadian UoT't AtaoMi R. T. noliacs,
lit 4aeaaon St.. Hu Paul. Minn., end J. U. MLaohlaa.
Hoa 11. Watartawo, Buulh Iiakola. lliH addraia
riaaai mr where ton saw this adTertlaement
If-Mion! I i.
"Ji ia wonderful story," says tha
pabllsbar to the new editor, whose
truvauccrlpt ha4 Just been accepted,
"but you have failed on one Important
feature. You do not describe the way
tbe heroine waa dressed when the hero
first met ber. Tou'd better write in a
paragraph about her clothes, but try
to avoid the conventional.
The lneenlous author, knowing the
ameneaa of costume descriptions In
the beat sellers, and also knowing -.w
to make an appeal to the feminine,
beart, wrote:
"Helolae floated toward him garVed
tn a 600 dress, a $250 hat. with a
198.75 mantilla over a $375 lace coat."
-Chioago Post.
north. The American made only eva
sive replies. Clawbonny whispered to
Johnson: "We've got two men that
need looking after."
"You are right," said Johnson.
"Hatteras doesn't talk to thla Amer
ican, and I must say the maji lias not
shown himself very grateful."
"I don't like the expression of his
face," said Johnson.
"I think he suspects Hatteras' plan."
"Then you think that Altamont "
"His ship was certainly on the road
to the north pole."
"But don't Altamont say that he
ad been caught among the ice, and
dragged there irresistibly 7"
He said so, but there waa a strange
mile on hla lips."
Next day, after a hearty breakfast
off bear's meat, the little party contin
ued the route.
At last, assout 2 o'clock in the after
noon, Altamont started up with a
shout Tolntlng to a white mass that
no eye but his distinguished from the
surrounding icebergs, he exclaimed in
loud, ringing voice:
"The Porpoise!"
The Porpoise was completely burled
under the snow. Masta and rigging
bad been destroyed in the shipwreck,
and she was lying on a bed of rocka so
entirely on her side that the bull was
"Never mina," aaia Hatteras, "we
will fix it up and make ourselves com
fortable there."
By night Bell had managed to make
tolerably level floor with planks and
spare. Altamont waa helped on board
without much trouble. A sigh of sat
isfactlon escaped him, as if he felt
himself once more at heme a sigh
which to Johnson's ear boded no good.
Wan the Supply Stopped.
Poet (with emotion) All people
Kim to acorn my poetry; but I 8 ip
pose when I die, every one will go
Into raptures.
Editor Oh, yes at least all the
dltor will, I should think." Ally
. ills lltk Srbama.
"That fellow Bmoothlelgh U one oi
the slickest chaps I ever saw. Why,
be ean make the public believe any
thing. What do you suppose be Is do
tag bowT"
-Give It op."
Hunting a correspondence school
that teachee you bow to pity baseball
tn four easy lessons." Cleveland Plala
Cosier. .
Tea eaa get anything cneaa at that
see. ef ibe year whea yea
ntat M.
man's gloomy reserve
The doctor was In constant dread of
a collision between the rival captains,
and yet one must command Inevitably
and which should It be ? Hatteras had
the men, but Altamont had the ship,
It was hard to say whose was the bet
ter right.
It required all the doctor's tact to
keep things smooth. At last, in spite
of all his endeavors, an outbreak came
It was at a grand banquet, a sort of
"houBe-warmIng," held when tho new
habitation was completed.
This bnnquct was Dr. Clawbonny's
Idea. He was head cook, and made a
wonderful pudding. Bell had shot a
white hare and several ptarmlrans,
which made an agreeable variety from
the pemmlcan and salt meat
Clawbonny was cook and master of
ceremonies, and brought In a pudding,
himself adorned with the big apron and
a knife at his belt
.iier uinner airrereni toasts were
drunk In brandy. Ono was given to
the United States, to which Hatteras
made no response.
This over, the doctor Introduced an
Interesting subject of conversion by
"My friends, we have something yet
to do. I suppose we should bestow a
imina on uus comment, wnich we
have found, and also on the several
bays, peaks and promontories that we
meet with. This has been invariably
done Dy navigators."
"Quite right." said Johnson; "when
once a place la named, It takes away
the reeling or being castaways on an
unknown shore."
Hatteras had taken no part In the
conversation as yet, but seeing all eyes
fixed on him, he rose at last, and said;
"If no one objects, I think the most
suitable name we can give our house is
that of its skillful architect, the best
man among us. Let us call it 'Doc
tor's house.' "
"Just the thing!" said Bell.
"First rate!" exclaimed Johnson,
"'Doctor's house!'"
"We cannot do better," chimed in
Altamont 'Hurrah for Dr. Clawbonny."
Three hearty cneers were given, in
which Duke, the dog. Joined lustily,
barking his loudest
It is agreed, then," said Hatteras.
that this house Is to be called 'Doc
tor's house.' "
The doctor modestly protested
against the honor, but he was obliged
to yield. The new habitation was for
mally named "Doctor's house."
"Now, then," said the doctor, "let us
go on to name the most Important of
our discoveries."
There is that Immense sea which
surrounds us, unfurrowed as yet by a
single ship."
Altamont looked up quickly,
"A Blngle ship!" he repeated. "I
think you have forgotten the Por
poise. She certainly did not get here
"Well, it wouldn't be hard to think
so," replied iiaiieras, to iook at ner
True enough, Hatteras," said Alta
mont, piqued, "but, after all, Is not that
better than being blown to atoms, like
the Forward?'
Hatteras was about to reply when
Clawbonny Interposed.
It is not a question of ships,
I nrnnalfttent.
'So you don't think I practice what
( preach, eh?"
"No, sir."
"In what respect have I failed to do
"You preach that we should love
our neighbors.
"And do I not love my neighbors?"
"If you 'do why are you permitting
your wife to take vocal lessons?"
Houston Post.
The Wldorr'n View of It.
Brlggins (a wily one) No, I shall
never marry. I loved a girl once and
she made a fool of me.
The Widow (disappointed of her
prey) What a lasting Impression ehe
seems to have made. Illustrated Bits.
The Porpoise had been thoroughly
equipped and provisioned for a long
voyage. They found 4.150 pounds of
flour, fat, and raisins; 2,000 pounds of
salt beef and pork, 1,600 pounds of
pemmlcan, 700 pounds of sugar, and
the same of chocolate; a cheat and
half of tea, weighing ninety-six pounds
600 pounds of rice, several barrels of
preserved fruits and vegetables.
quantity of lime Juice, with all sorts
of medicine, and 300 gallons of rum
and brandy. There was also a large
supply of gunpowder, ball and shot
und coal and wood In abundance.
Altogether, enough to last those flv
men more than two years. All fear of
dHth from starvation or cold was ut
an ml.
"Well, Hatteras, we're sure of enoui;
to live on now," said the doctor, "and
there Is nothing to hinder us rcachin
the pole."
"The pole!" echoed Hatteras.
;, why not? Can't we push ou
way overland In the Hummer?"
"We mlKbt overland, but how could
we cross witter?"
"C'un't we bullil a boat out of the
ship's plunks?"
"Out of an American ship!" exclaim
ed the eupluln, contemptuously.
Clitwbiuiny was prudent enough to
change the ronvcrautlon.
In five tlas the men hud built an Ice
bouse oil shore not fur from the boat,
fawpsw Abundant There Many
t'onaliler It a Delicacy.
George Remsburg, the Atchison
county historian, says the Kansas City
Journal, has been hunting up some
thing about the pawpaw. , lie says:
In the old chronicles of the early
explorers and travelers through thla
section of the country I find much
mention of tho pawpaw, which seems
to have been as abundant In this re
gion a century or more ago as at the
present time. In these early accounts
the estimates of the edlbleness of the
pawpaw seem to be about equally dl
Tided. One pronounced It delicious,
while another would lead you to be
lleve that It was really deleterious,
However, I believe the following from
Cliarle Augustus Murray, In an ac
count of his western travels In 1834,
1S33 and 1836, Is the strongest en
comium ever bestowed upon the Kan
sas and Missouri banana.
"While passing this locality on a
steamer he landed and secured some
ripe pawpaws, the first he had seen,
and which he pronounced the most de
licious fruit in the world. 'It resem
bles the banana of the West Indies,'
he continues, 'but Is more rich and
luscious. When opened the Interior Is
exactly like a custard and the flavor
something between a fig and a pine
apple. Although I prefer this fruit
to the banana or pineapple, I find It
Is not generally so highly esteemed, be
ing considered too rich and cloying;
moreover, I was told it was extremely
unwholesome. This I found to be an
absurd prejudice (as I have often
eaten from six to twelve at a time
without unpleasant consequences).
"The belief in Its hurtful qualities
probably owes its origin to the fact
that hogs, which roam the woods and
eat the produce of every other fructif
erous plant, would not touch the paw
paw. Another cause of the low esti
mation In which it Is held is its ex
treme abundance; they grow In thou
sands in the woods, as thick as nuts
In an English hazelwood, and children
soon get sick and tired of eating them.'
(Travels In North America, vol. 11,
pages 83-84.) ' John Bradbury, In his
travels in this region In 1809-10-11, ob
served plenty of pawpaws, which he
pronounced 'of the consistency of cus
tard and very agreeable to some pal
ates.' "
Professor I'm afraid you're not very
conscientious about copying other stu
dents' work.
Everbluph (with pardonable pride)
Why, professor, I copy as consclen
Mously as I can. Yale Record.
Arctic Testimony.
Not So Rll,
Nervoir lAdy Don't your experi
ments frighten you terribly, professor?
I hear that your assistant met with a
horrible death by falling 4,000 feet
from an aeroplane.
iioki Aviator oil, that report was
greatly exnKgeiared.
Nervous I.arty Exaggerated! How?
Bold Aviator It wasn't much mor
thon 2,500 feet that he fell. Illuatxat
ed nit.
Mamma And how did you like tht
country, Willie?
Willie It's like a park, only thej
allow houses on It and they don't kee;
It up noar as well. Puck.
"What alls Mrs. Mlggs?"
"She says she spent the whole aftet
noon making that cake and Jhe famllj
gobbled It up in fifteeen minutes."
Brooklyn Citizen.
oldlr Trie to Tralalaar.
During the period of the "second eon-
tire" in France the "Cent Oardes"
were one of its sights at the TulUories.
It was hard to distinguish them from
statutes. Their commander, Col. Ver
ly, once declared to Empress Eugenie
that "nothing" could make one of his
men move when on duty. The empress
laid a wager that she would make one
of the giants stir; so, with her charac
teristic impetuosity she went up to
one of the guards and boxed his ears.
Not a muscle moved. The empress
then acknowledged that Col. Verly
had won the bet, and sent a solatium
to the soldier, who, however, proudly
refused It, saying that he had been
sufficiently compensated by the honor
of having had his sovereign lady's
hand laid on his cheek.
He Knew Heat.
"Do you think I can stand an oper
atlon, doctor?"
"You know your financial condition
better than I do." Houston Pont.
A Itari flood Thin.
"Am using Allen's Foot-Ease, and can
truly say I would not have been without It
so long, had I known the relief It would
give my aching feet I think It a rare good
thing for anyone having sore or tired fet
Mrs. Matilda Holtwert. Providence, It
I." Sold by all Druggtats, 25c. Ask to-day.
Judge Who Is that swarthy man
over there? Is he a witness for the
complainant or the defendant?
Bailiff Either one, your honor. He's
an Eslknio.
Of C'onrae.
look at those
new dress
"I don't like to bother the clerks
when I have no excuse for not buying."
"Well, can't we ask for some shade
that doesn't exist?" Washington
An Antnmn Immanc,
"Terrible cold you have!"
"Yes!" answered the cheery citizen;
"isn't it lucky? I can't smell the moth
balls." Washington Star.
IV o Accd.
Employer Well, JImmIe, did your
grandmother die yesterday?
Office Boy No, sir! The game was
called off. Harvard Lampoon.
Ilia Awful Crime.
"My husband and I have got to
part. I won't stand for It any long
"Won't stand for what?"
"His habit of smoking cigars two
shades darker than my new brown
dreos. He hasn't the least idea of .har
mony In color." St. Louis Star.
It's In the Air.
"Getting late, old man. Better go
home and face your wife. You can
prove where you've been, can't you."
"I thJnk so. I'm arranging my data."
Washington Star.
There Waa a Reason.
"Why did you tip that boy so hand
somely for handing you your coat?"
"Did you see the coat he gave me?"
London Tatler.
A Snre Stan.
City Visitor How do you know Ihls
tree is a dogwood?
Suburbanite I can tell by Its bark.
Baltimore American.
Not So Warm.
"Paradoxical state of affairs, isn't
"What Is?"
"Hot feeling about the north pole is
cooling off." Baltimore American.
Kngasrenirnt Broken.
Merchant I have had hard luck-
lost all my money.
Suitor Surely you would not wish
to lose your daughter also. Fllegende
Sad Case.
Shoe Joke.
William King Where'd you get
those pumps?
Charlie Prince Off a shoe
Cornell Widow.
friends," be said, "but of a fresh sea,'
'It is no new sea," returned Alta
mont; "it is In every polar chart, and
has a name already. It Is called the
Arctlo ocean, and I think it would be
very inconvenient to alter its designa
tion. Should we find out by and by,
that instead of being an ocean it is
only a strait or gulf. It will be time
enough to alter it then."
"So be it" said Hatteras.
"Very well, that is an understood
thing, then," said the doctor, regTettlng
that he had started the discussion,
"Let us proceed with the continent
where we find ourselves at present
resumed Hatteras. "I am not aware
that any name whatever has been af
fixed to it, even in the most recent
He looked at Altamont as he spoke,
who met his gace steadily, and said
"Possibly yon may be mistaken
again, Hatteras."
"Mistaken! What! This unknown
continent this virgin boi! "
"Has already a name," replied Alta
mont, coolly.
Hatteras was silent, but his lip quiv
"And whnt name ha a It, then?" asked
the doctor, astonitihcd.
"My dear Clawbonny," replied the
American, "It is tho custom, not to
say the rlBht, of every navigator to
christen the soil on which he Is the
The Diahop Stayed.
The bishop of a Southern diocese
was once making a missionary journey
through Arkansas and the Indian Ter
ritory, and on his arrival at Natchez
he said to the landlord of a hotel, "I
have been traveling for a week, day
and night, In a mall wagon, and I
want a comfortable room."
"Sorry," said the landlord, "but I
don't believe there's a vacant room in
Natchez; there's a horse race, a Meth
odist conference and a political con
vention in the city, and every house is
full up. The only thing I can give
you Is a shake-down." Then, observ
ing the bishop's tired face, he added,
"The beet room in my house is rented
to a noted gambler who usually re
mains out all night and seldom gets
in before breakfast. If you will take
the risk, you shall have his room; but
If he should come in there'll be a
row, I'll pronilso you that."
The bishop decided to take the risk.
About 4 o'clock in the morning the
my gambler returned and promptly shook
A Cnrdlnl Invitation.
"Hello, old man, it's an age since
I last met you. What are you doing
"Bossing a contractor's Job on a
Well, glad to have seen you drop
In some time."
They Are Still ItlRht.
Hardup There was a time when
people used to say that I had more
money than brains; but they can't say
that now.
Wife Why not?
Hardup Because I've come down to
my last shilling.
Wife Well, you've still got a shil
ling. Illustrated Bits.
the bishop by the arm
'Get out of here, or I'll put you
out!" he shouted. ,
The bishop, the gentlest of men,
raised himself on one elbow, so that it
brought the muscles of his arm into
full relief,
"My friend," he began quietly, "be
fore you put me out, will you have the
kindness to feel of my arm?
The gambler put his hand on the
bishop's arm.
"Stranger," he then said respectful
ly, "you can stay."
What Happened to Yonnsc nillapa.
Mary Coles Carrlngton of Richmond
sends us the following
"One of the curious characteristic!
of the old-time darkles Is their ability
to make themselves always intelligible,
no matter how twisted the long words
which are their delight.
"Aunt Dllsey, what has become oi
young Tom Blllups? I asked my
'mammy' recently.
'"De lan' sakes, Miss Baby,' she r
plied, with uplifted hands and eyes
like saucers, 'he dun run off to da
Lewis Imposition, but we ain't heard
from him. nary line, 'cept'n 'tis ons
o' dese sump'n n'er picture cards; an1
I les' believe. Miss Baby, dat he's dun
ii-Mt to set root, u appears to me, b,n catnpped.' "Atlanta Constitution
iiit-ifuire, tnnt It is my iinvin'Ku unu
Hut, sir," Interrupted Johnson, net
"It would be hard to prove that the
Porpoise did not come here, even If
Bbo got here by land." continued Alta
mont, without noticing Jolinsnn s pro
test. "The fact in indisputable," he
added, looking ut Hattcrus.
I dlxpute tho claim," said the Kng
lUhiuun. retitrulnlng himself, by a pow
erful effort. To Dame a country you
must llmt discover it. I suppose, and
that you certainly did not do. Where
would you have been, sir, at this mo
ment, pray? Lying twenty feet deep
under the snow.
Ard wl'hout ma, sir." retorted Al
tamont. hotly, "without mo and my
ship, whero would you all be at this
They Were Shady.
Bung So you have succeeded la
tracing back my ancestors? What is
your fee?
Genealogist Twenty guineas for
keeping quiet about them. Cassell's
Saturday Journal.
Very Vnaaual.
"I wish I had ap idea for a poem."
"What do you want to put an Idea
Into a poem for?" Kansas City Jour
Hounded Like It.
"She is right in the hey-day of her
life." '
"Do you mean that she Is a grass
widow?" Houston Post.
"Yes, Freddy, I'm a sick man!"
"Wot's der matter?"
"Why, I'm gettln' that restless an'
wakeful, dat I can't sleep, only . at
A ricaacd Audience.
'What makes you siend so much
money on that lawsuit?"
"It's a matter of taste. Some people
like to attend lectures. I prefer to
pay more and hear a lawyer discourse
on affairs in which I am personally in
terested." Washington Star.
Tito llata.
A Stinger.
Blobbs Why do you liken Hard-
uppe to the busy bee? He's not par
ticularly Industrious, Is he?
Slobbs Oh, no, it Isn't that, but
nearly every one he touches gets stung.
Philadelphia Record.
llreesy Stories,
"Did you ever read The Flatlron
"You ought to; there are a number
of good atorlea in it."
Mo, Indeed.
"I sure sympathize with that raan!"
"Why so?"
"Ills expenses are about double
what his Income Is."
"Oh, well, you cannot afford to syn
pathlze with every man who owns an
suto." Houston Post.
Where She Is.
"Where is the girl of long ago?"
sings Joaquin Miller.
We saw her the other day, Jo. But
she Isn't a girl any more. She had
gray hair, and a wart on her nose.
had no teeth, and wore specs. Tit
By negreea.
"Hubby, do yon like my new hat?"
"I gue3 I can learn to like it," an
swered hubby, after viewing the latest
fall effect Louisville Courier-Journal.
Wife Now, see here, Jim; if yer
don't provide for me better I shall
quit eo I warns yer.
Husband Provide better? Well, I
like that Why, ain't I got yer three
good Jobs 0' work tuts last luoath?
Tie BketcA.
Made by Cblneae Phyalolaa ai
aa Care for Rhenmatlam.
Rattlesnake ointment is regarded by
the Chinese physicians as such a sure
cure for rheumatism and similar com
plaints that a big demand for the rep
tiles exists in Chinatown, says the
San Francisco Chronicle. Policeman
Percy Smith, connected with the cen
tral station, learned of the demaad,
and while on his vacation 'in Mendo
cino county laid in a supply of rattle
snakes large enough to alleviate the
sufferings of every almond-eyed resi
dent of San Francisco.
Policeman Smith has Just returned
from his vacation, which he spent in
the wilds of Mendocino county. With
him were Policeman Berg, Andrew
Garln and his son, Philip Smith. On
their return they brought back a dozen
rattlesnakes that were eagerly pur
chased by the Chinese doctors at $5
In order to prepare the ointment the
ise men of Chinatown pour half a
gallon of alcohol Into a two-gallon Jar
in which a rattlesnake is imprisoned.
The reptile, it is said, usually dies for
want of air after a few hours' confine
ment. However, it is left in the bot
tom of the Jar, completely immersed In
alcohol, for at least six months. At
the end of that period the alcohol Is
carefully romoved from the Jar and
after slight dilution with another sub
stance Is placed on the market as a
sure cure for rheumatism. At Chinese
drug stores Its price is dear. I
However little difficulty Is encoun
tered In placing the rattler In the
yar a great amount of dexterity Is nec
essary to escape its fangs, for the
fatigue of the Journey has made it
extremely vicious and it strikes at
any object. In order to prevent It
from striking a noose is fastened over
its head by the Chinese pharmacist,
who after being assured that the fangs
are under his control takes the snake
in his hands and places it in the re
ceptacle. A top is then placed on the Jar and
the strlag severed. So great is the
demand for rattlesnakes in Chinatown
and so profitable is the market that
other policemen who contemplate a
vacation are said to be studying the
map in order to discover likely habi
tations of the rattler.
A man often says: "I will do better
to-morrow." But when to-morrow
comes, he does Just about the same.
"We Strive to Pleaae."
Customer I heard you tell your last
customer that this weather would last
another week. Do you think it will
Barber No, I don't, but he's a very
good customer here. Fllegende Blat
lMrge Understanding.
Church They say that man Is a self-
made man.
Gotham Well, I should say he spenl
too much time on his feet! Yonkerd
con fit
Keeping cheer-
The I'laln Facta.
You appear to have every
Hencft in vour husband."
"Well, he is very truthful. For im ful l an eaSV matter. With
nnin YtA flnnt -niV-at-1 VnafAalnn ! I
o uviivc, u-7 Kt7u.b nviu jcouciuai uixal Iff l m e i -a
ineDoweisopcn. Minions
he was detained downtown."
"By business, hey?"
"No,, by baseball." Louisville Cou
A Trne Philosopher.
"I wish I were eligible to Join one
of these patriotic sons of something."
"Too bad you're not."
"Still, if my ancestors hadn't al
ways taken to the woods in time of
warfare, I might not be here." Louis
ville Courier-Journal.
carry candy Cascarett. At
the first sign of bowel clog
gins, tncT te one tablet. They
end the trouble in an hour. Thus
many dull days are avoided.
Jnat So.
"Your majesty, there's a creditor
"Let him go without." Comic Cuts.
Vest-pocket bes. 10 cents at dref-et'
People sew aae a mlllioa boxes monthly. I
Best for Children
Central African Klephanta.
"Elephants in the swamp country of
Central Africa," writes a traveler, "are
different in their habits from those
which inhabit the forests. In the
marshes they stand throughout the
day Immersed in water up to their bel
lies and with their backs almost hid
den by the high growth of reeds. Here
they can always be traced by the white
egrets which invariably accompany
them and which feed upon the ticks
and other Insects with which their
hides are Infested. A herd of ele
phants moving through dense grass
can be kept in sight, even though they
themselves are invisible by the flutter
ing up and down of these white birds.
V aW
Gives instant relief when little throats
are irritated and sore. Contains
no opiates and is at pleasant to take
at it is effective.
AU Dracibta. 28
MsrvT. Geldman'a
ray Ilalr Kaalorer
rtort- urialDal color la
niill. hi-allTitul Duunu
In from 1 1 14 dure.
A Blatter of Punetaatloa.
Spartacua I notice that a MeKee
port (Fa.) man who had thought be
was heir to an estate of 1125,000 found
that the comma In the dispatch had
been misplaced and that Instead he
had fallen heir to only $1,250.
Bmartlcus In other words, the mis
placement of a comma prevents a
period of prosperity, oh? Balttmoxf
Mi Mut Wara
Itrely d iffMreut from ear
thing else. 1'aeffvoftla
permanent. loe aot
e"" vault ofr Dnr lea uneat
araL kae ao aMIaiaat, eo li'i aeitlirr auck aot
aroaer !' at iure and oiear aa water.
lAjn't eaueriment one what tboaaandfl of echen
have found ule and aatlafaotorv. Sample aadoomb
abaolnlMlv Ihml Ma im in ...!. ..ritflnal
ei roar nair. MAKl I. UiUMMA,Vi
Side., m fuaj. Mm:
Dr. MclNTOSH celebrated
Natural Uterine Supporter
flv I mm t1i at rllfff. Bold hj all tvi
Ssi iiiiruniu airv ana Jnadiug
ru(ClLs) la I m tod fetal aad Canada.
Oatai priosj luiaotl itarticuian uailat
on akouiuviiuo.
lit Walaai St., rulL4BLrMIA,r.,
awaafaaturera of tnuewe ana "
f'e feattn or tha Uaaulne
paiajit " mlnloaa" Buitrter.

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