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Jt TIM AT.UANCK, IIF.HALI), TUESDAY SKPTKMMKU 12, 1021. II ! i I i B 9 MHIIItlt)ltMttllllllMMHtmtHII(IMIMMMtMMHMIMHMMr Random Shots QJtMf,MMMIMIMlM,fMiMtM,tliMM,M(jJ C.ki.I w-wi fi.r ft li.iw h.i -IVmt suf ln i : A -I-uiil I'm .1 wri i jk t I 1'ioin Vnl.'iu in' I -.t 1 1 )-. t . 'I'll.- K' . P.. .1. Mn-'it v. its oli-ci fl s,-kimr .Iti'lir1 Ta-h td rilt home on Vfilnc-l:i.v noun. WVuni' il.iy rninir. Al.f l-;i.u'i(n oiVi'iciJ him a lift. J mar ine from a'l tbc-c -iin. -. it i appai- i.t t tin- riircful oli orvi r that tin1 I!cv. Mr. Mmoit i )irj.:irinjr to fol low tbf cvani.ilo of l.i - co'.':u',uc iiml fiartuw tlx' iraim- iii.'l t li ji t Ai.- inu-t I ir wnmli run?; it if i -n't time for idiot hor fin". ' Snjik kindly to the rounty jii"lK j Ami i ilc hun in mir auto; AihI when you ro;nc In'foic him. : I In won't lo what llO Otinlit to. Hark in the il:iy wlu-n wc were jx.liro icpoi tinK o 'Hi'- Mtati' Journal, j the women". ward was down on the I floor of the city jail. One niRht. when bu-incs was dull, a patrol man brought in an old colored jri'l who was fairly well intoxicated. hh. was iit into the woman's cell, mid pretty Mon there came a l:inirimr i-l the door und a lot of yelling. The desk i-rrneant walked over to the u.or und threw it open. And in the door way, posing like the firl in the pic ture, was the woman in her hh.rk birthday suit. "September Man," v as what she sa d. cold (hi-; fad, simply to keep hi--, 1iy si i tii' lit - tin' lady 1 n,J,.'( per h.i-' won out I lie l.i-t three t'lae. She Wlite. the check-, wh:i'h May hiive something to do w ;lh it. Nice old lady, railing up to irii.uiie i.b.mt the cl-an-up M.ilad: "The w;.y I bend about it a- that tlii- moi n iiig I cot a letter from the li d ('loss Hi'd the League of Nation-.'' if tli ari' -iiuo.ls like a lie to I. li .' .. elw.i,;V inu.n I A (HI , .ISIS I'ejuil in" i in . "" iihout the book he is going to write fome of these ilays: "Wild Life of Wild Women in Our County Jails." Ilcst Story for I lit Month The occupants of lie pallor car of the Limited were t ulled by the abrupt entrance of two ma.-ked ban dits. "T'rovv up yrr hand-," commanded the bigger of the two. "We'ie gonna rob all the gents and kUs all the gals." "No. nardner," remonstrated the smaller one gallantly. "We'll rob the gents but we'll leave the ladies alone." "Mind your own business, young fellow," snapped a female passenger if uncertain age. "The big man is robbing this train." Get in your application early for the job of high .school morals inspector. A Hoston scientist has finally done the thjng that ever) body has said was impossible he has m ule u silk purse out of a sow's ear. The same week wc attended a bammet where there were no mashed potatoes on the menu. What cl.-e is there left to live for? J A very sedate la ly, while walking along the street, kept clutching at her dress in the region of the top of the .'tocking. "Ion't you know how to m 11 them yet?" she was asked. And nobody believed her when she said that her garters were -lipping. This week the bell has been rung twice. Two time-, tin impo.-nible has happened. The bookkecK'r tell.s of two months ago meeting a hobo, who ;i-ked for a loan of Oil cents. He got it. (If you believe this much, it's easier to swallow the rest.) Well, yesterday, he met the .-.ame 'bo on the street, the 'bo recognized him, and rave him back the fifty cents, with 10 cents interest. There's one store hi this city that i- a perfect riot eveiy time the boss goes out of town. 1 he lady book keeper, the head sale-man and the ther man all attempt to run the busi ness while the boss is gone. We le- llouMhohl Hint". 1 A few diops of ink will effectively j remove a .trawlnny, onion or other fiuit -tain from table linen. If ink i Hot avail.'uiie ine poi may m- i.-.i...''. with a pair of sharp scissors. A cold pancake tacked to a stick r.f kindling makes a durable and ine i,i n.-ive fl v swatter. To test a tork till the bathtub full of water. I'udi the cork firmly to the bettom of the tub and release. If it li e; rapidly to the surface it is a cork. To remove a chip from the edge of handpainted china, tap the spot firmly w ith a hammer. Small lutabagas, boiled in kerosene make a good substitute for carrots. Cold fish mav be prevented from barking at night by kepingjthem sub merged in water. The maid should be warned against starting the furnace fire with gasoline unless it is her day off. Omaha Bee. The name of the high school in structor in cosmetics has not been an nouncd bv Prof. I'ate, but judging from the looks of some of the girls, the instructor is a past master and deserves an increase in salary. Let no joker, no humorist, no bur les(iier or satirist think small potatoes of himself because he is a jester. It is a great calling, a purifying calling in its office of dispelling cant "ml en" nobling in its service to truth, .'..hi healing in its ministrations to worn and troubled spirits. Whoever is called to it is called to a great pro fession. and should never forget hi. obligation to be worthy of it, ami as il..-. .I..- ..i-n .rn ttwfirn in on the oath inr ,niii.- ........ ..r ii ; .i!ii.j v lVp Hikers should should be pledged to walk worthily in a path trod by many oi me grcaiesi and noble.-t of mankind. L. S. Mar tin, in Life. 625,000 BOTTLES SOLI) IN NKW YORK ISisue-t Thins of Kind V.wr Seen In That S IVH;irts llig holexaler. The fa'-t that f'.2".'M) bottles of Tan lac have been sold in the state of New N ork since its i tit ro.lu ! .o ip'-ie less than one year ago, is a big business item that will attract unu-ual ntten tion throughout the entire Last, for nothing like it has ever happened be fore. It break- all records. Mr. tieorge K. Kvans, manager of the (lib son Snow Company, the well known whole-ale diucgists, with branches in Albany, iJuirulo, Rochester and Syiiuu-e, recently announced that the tiirnaration was now selling in their trade territories alone at the nhenomenal late of approximately f.00,000 bottles a year. "iir ttiP i.ipspnt rate continues, said Mr i-'v-mj "lhis state alone will prob ably require considerably over 750,000 bottle a year, tins is a irememious fiiure. but I am really conservative in making this statement," i Tanlac is sold in Alliance ny r. r. Holsten and all leading druggists everywhere. one of those crackerjack stories that just holds you in suspense uniu me final close-ur the story of a rich young frtrl who wanted to live her own life in her own way, and who chose Greenwich Village as ine piace oi res idence. What happened to her con stitutes part of the engrossing plot, but it will be ilivuging no secret, to say thr.t she was beseiged by men from the very stait. THE LIVESTOCK MARKET OMAHA, NM.. Sept. 12. HOGS e-e i.t- .idllll; puces tor strong weight butchers and packing grades were maintained with spots 10c lower ttv.n Sat ii,-'!:i , - ii'tv.'iih' Hulk Sd.li (ii 7.K; outlet for light butchers limit- le in oiMW'd i.i(o li.ic lower, lot). $S..'.(); bulk better grades, f 7.25(. S.00. ("A TI LK- Receipts. 15.500. Ked steers, steady; early top yearlings, y:.0; wesU'i n steers aim she-socK steads' to 2"c lower; bulls strong; vals weak; stockers ' and feeders stead'.' to 25c lower. SnY.LT Receipt. 22,.'IOO. Killing grades, 2'ifK .',5c higher; curly ton lamb:, $!.2"); yearlings, S5.r,5; ewes, ?".S5; feeders strong; feeding ewes, $.'',.25; feeding lambs, S.7.00. KANSAS CITY, Mo., Sept. 12. C'A'ITLK Receipts, 35,000; all kill ing classes slow; beef steers steady to 25c lower; top, .$1.40; early sales of gias.-crs, $5.00(0.50; common and best she stock mostly steady; most other grades weak to 25c lower; few good and choice cows, $5.00(3)5.50; most other kinds, $3.50t4.50; grass heifers, mostly $1.50(0.5.50; calvea steady to 25c lower; best vealers, $!.50; other classes around steady; canners, $2.00(o2.25; cutters mostly $:..00ry 3.25; bulk mostly $3.354.25; earlv sales stockers and feeders, $4.40 (ji ().)); bulk, $5.O0()G.5O. HO IS Receipts, 0.000; market opened slo.v, stendy to 10c h'gher; c!o.-ed active, mo.-tly l')c higlx r; .-pots u; more; b.vt 100 to 210-pound weights- t'l packers and shippers, .!.05 choice to 2''.0-pound averages, $.50; bulk of sales. .S7.50ii v00; packing sows, si.2.'(a;.5(t; stock pigs strong; be.-t. S.-.f.O. SH KLI' Receipts, fi.OoT); killing classes mostly 50c higher; light ewes, $4.00; early top western lambs, .0.40; s mo held higher. ST. JOSKPIL Mo., Sept. 12. HOGS Receipts, 3,500; steady to strong; top, $s.70; bulk of sales, ?0.7o(n?8.70. CATTLK Receipts, 3.S00; steers, ')( 25c'lower; butcher stock steady to 25c lower; steers, $4.25fri.50; cows sind heifers. $3.25( !.25; calves, $5.00 (fi iO.00; stockers and feeders, $4.25 0 50. SHKLT Receipt -, 4.500; larms Aoc 'hinher; sheep steady; lambs, ?X.00(V J ;i.2.'; ewes, ?..(HK-' 4.00. U. ii. 1JAUMAN, O. 1). MBf si LBauman, OP-TOM-E-TKIsT Wednesday Thursday and Friday (OF THIS WEEK) On These Days Only We Will Sell 200 pairs of EDWIN CLAPP 918.00 fine Shoes, at $10 PER PAIR Act Quick The Famous OF COURSE Astronomers have loc:.i:.l a r.trr that is travcrrg away from the earth at a speed of 2,000 mijes a second. At that rate, it soon ought to be out of danger. Snulh Dakota leads the list in per onpita ownership of automobiles, hav ing one car to each 5.2 persons. The two-tenths of a person probably has a flivver. iclflOYIESI "Held by the Enemy" will be shown at the Imperial tonight. Taken from the famous play by William Gilette, it is the story of Rachel Hayne, a south ern girl, supposedly a widow, who lives with her family in a manor oc cupied by federal troops commanded by Colonel I'rescott. .lust as the of ficer is ready to avow his reciprocated love, the husband turns up. When the husband is captured as a spy, the col onel's rival, the third man in the love tangle, plays his trump card. It's an interesting story, and is played by an all-star cast. The Wednesday feature is "See My Lawyer," a Christie comedy. Uriefly, the story tells of two young men who are hoaxed by an inventor who de clares he has a formula for making artificial rubber. After the two have advertised extensively the stock of the newly formed artificial rubber com pany, they discover the fake. It is de cided that the more active of the two sham insanity in order to evade a jail sentence. T. Roy Barnes is the fellow who "goes insane." You will have to see the funny situations that arise to appreciate them. Mav Allison is the attraction Thurs day, in "Are All Men Alike?" It's Help Your Children TO BE GRACEFUL Give them the advantage of our Children's Classes in AESTHETIC AND TOE DANCING Ages t to 11 years EDYTHE WILLIAMS I'hone H42W -- - 1 Knock the "L" Out of SIave--SAVE! Alright J 1 ftWi WJUNIORS-LlttlaNts I L One-third the regular do. V tSViltyyy Md of m ingntdi AftuofJ tnt, then c n d y miinr y coated. For children 1 and aduttt. ' " V 1. '4. I.J r -- ' mm mil, tt in ii mA vecatabta aperient, add ton and vigor to the digestive and elimlnativa system, improves the appe tite, relieves Bird Headache and Bil iousness, correct Constipation. .llsed for over 30 year; Make ii, your mind that you're not going to slave all your life, by making it a rule to put aside so much each week to take care of you later on. .lust think of tli? old folks that you know, -whose happi ness and whosi? very lil itself, depend upon the generosity of some relative. Make up your mind that you're not going to be that way, when you get old. Save now and be inde pendent later on. 1 You can st.trt an account here witk $1.00, and you can continue to add to it from time to time, with a feeling of utmost security and confidence. For this hank U safe, sound and conservative, and pays 5" interest, compounded semi-annually. First National Bank Alliance, Nebraska Thit-le, Prescription Pruui;it W Jfs XSJ- ybuve Struck it Right when you Light a CAMEL Your taste will fell you that! For Camels have the flavor and fragrance of choicest tobaccos, perfectly blended. They're smooth and mellow mild. And there's NO CIGARETTY AFTER, iTASTE. We put the utmost quality, into this one brand. Camels are as good as it's possible for skill, money, and lifelong knowledge of fine tobaccos to make a cigarette. That's why Camels are THE QUALITY CIGARETTE. 1 K. J. REYNOLDS T.s C. Wisfiss-Sslca, N. C. 43 Say It By Telephone When compelled to be absent from a wedding, graduation or other happy atf'air, thercisnoletteror other message that can equal the sound of your voice. Extend your compliments by long distance telephone,-. Also, in case of sickness or other misfortune, or for any social or business purpose, a long dis tance call is always the best way. j frffik )Cjf& Thechargeislowerifyoudo ' f -x $ S.mx3 kV ed person but wiU talk to " N,'Si oScVl Eveningand night rates are lower than mV'K;lJi 1P day rates for station-co-station calls. tpkST ' NORTHWESTERN BELL TELEPHONE COMPANY 1 V. 4' . 1 K. V .r'