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THE ALLIANCE HERALD, TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 1921.
Chicken Dinner Bazaar Starts' at 3 p. 01. FANCY WORK BOOTH, CANDY BOOTH, PARCEL POST BOOTIi Dance and Bazaar DINNER WILL BE SERVED FlfcOM 5:30 TO 8:00 P. M. LOTS OR EATS FOR EVERYONE. -AT THE- ROOF GARDEN F Tuesday, November 15 DANCE FROM 9 to 12 WITH BURMEISTER'S Western Jazzadorea Come Early and Stay Late. Under the Auspices of the Ladies of St. Matthews Episcopal Church RANDOM SHOTS NEVER AGAIN. Whereas, We dolled up in our navy uniform on the evening of Armistice day to please the chairman of the Le gion dance committee, several ex soldiers and one ex-gob, as well as to .Sive other natives a treat (and it ihould have done so, for Beda Thara herself never wore any clothing that was skin-tighter); and , Whereas, We discovered that it took us seventeen minutes to don the afore said uniform, as compared with three minutes in the days when we wore it every day and many of the nights; and Whereas, The evidence is complete that we have outgrown said uniform, which bulges in entirely too many .places; therefore, be it Resolved, That we lay it away rever ently in mothballs and the family celar chest, until such time as we get &ack to normal weight or the head of -the household decides to put in a suffi--cient number of gussets and extensions to make it comfortable; and be it further Resolved, That on Memorial day, Armistice day, the fourth of July and other patriotic occasions, we remove said uniform from its refuge and drop three tears upon it, or more if we can .squeeze them out. This resolution is prepared in ad- vance of New Year's day, and Brad bury, Joe Williams, Jimmy Burling ton, Dr. Morris, Windham and others who had to use shoe boms to get into Their uniforms last Saturday are wel come to make use of the idea. Now that we've got our growth, we "Ifave regretfully concluded that the only article of clothing that fits us .ready-made is a cigarette. At the minute Sheriff Miller was closing the front door of the Morgan grocery, the milkman was unloading sl supply of milk and cream at the rear door. He discovered the sad fact too late, and started to take out what lie had just lugged in. Sheriff Miller stopped him. In vain did the milkman protest that he had just brought the tuff the hard hearted sheriff insist ed that it was inside when the place -was closed and that it would stay right there. "All right," said the milkman, "'all right, if you insist on it.". And ahen, as he climbed into his wagon, he added, "It's half water, anyway." THE COLUMN STRETCHER. (From the Norfolk Press.) "Mortal man never seems happy un less striving for the unattainable. For centuries the alchemist has wasted his life in the attempt to make gold from the baser metals without success. For mm'mv vonra tVia invpntiir haa tried his J -" " ' - - hand on perpetual motion and up to , the time of going to press has not .succeeded in making a motor that will ar.ote. The railroad man's specialty is the attempt to have two trains use the same crossing at the same time. The last case of this kind happened Tues- lay noon when " A BOLD HUNTER. Lecturer (in loud voice): "I venture to assert there isn't a man in this au dience who has ever done anything to prevent the destruction of our vast crests." Man in the audience (timidly): "I've shot woodpeckers." There are two kinds of men, those who do what their wives tell them, 4.nd those who never marry. We're not naturally suspicious, but when we see four likely looking young men carrying a long red scratch on the right cheek we begin to wonder idly if they're all calling on the same girl. un nome niamtuic rem ovia Jow as two bits, there's no excuse for t . 1 A I A ..r, A tiofr- weanng em long wiese uajo. " pin provides much better protection, anyway. The story drifts in from the fillum lots in Hollywood, Cal., of an old gen ti.moii hircwl as an extra, who kept wnn.lprinir out of the picture and hnmnim, intn thft camera. "What's the matter with you? Have you lost minH V vnwled the director. MKVu " taid the old man. and then hft added thoughtfully, "But I don't miss it none." ASK DAdJHE KNOWS. Hamilton County Register.) tv, Inenn W Rio-elnw u'hn siiras the call for the new political party is the same A. H. Bigclow who once was at the head of Aurora schools and who had the writer print for him a book. He then stood high in the Knights of Labor and presumably would deal hon .tly and squarely with men who lab ored for him. That was nearly thirty years ago, and at that time he was much better able than we to stand the load. He has since held important po v itfin3 but he has never paid the debt He still talks as nice about labor and the rights of labor as he did when a young man, but the hard labor we did for him was never recompensed and he nas never even paid for the material that we paid cash for. Do you wonder that we are somewhat loth to enlist under his leadership to improve politi cal or any other conditions in Ne braska. The Hay Springs Improvement cub, which is a sort of a youthful chamber of commerce, received a setback last week. A committee of twelve mem bers, armed with spades, shovels and other tools, started out to construct a dam across Hay Springs creek, the ob ject being to turn the water from the creek into the Alkali lake and feed the fishes. The club neglected, however, to consult the owner of the land as to the proposed improvement, and he an- peared with a shotgun and ordered them off. They stood not on the order of their going, but went at once. There's a lesson here for all reform ers, if they feel like looking for it. Even with fair indications of oil production, the chances in the west of wildcat oil wells run about one out of twenty-five. If some wealthy syndi cate oners to arm a well on your place, let them hop to it, provided you are protected, but let the fellows spend the money who can afford to lose if it don't pan out. Funny that a wealthy syndicate would have to advertise for an oppor tunity to erect an oil well on a liberal royalty basis, isn't it? One would think all they'd have to do would be to select their location and put it up to the owner of the land. He'd bo an everlasting chump to turn anything down that sounds as good as that does. But maybe the best locations in the wildkitty oil game are those chosen in this way. All of us, as Lydia Pinkham used to say, have our little superstitions. Today's Best Story. I There hasn't been one worthy of the I title for a month. If you hear of a good one, pass it along and rescue a perishing editor. Wonder what's happened to our lit tle playmate from Bridgeport, Abe Martin the Tooth. 1 W. K. Miller went to Marsland Man I day for a short visit with relatives. "iiiiiiiiiimtminiiiimm; inmimtiiiiiiuiiiiiiiininiim'HTr Festival Bargains ON SALE MONDAY, NOV. 21st v FOR THREE DAYS Two boxes Medallian Sta tionery for ' 76c Two pounds Cascade, high grade Linen Stationery, for t . :61c Two pints of pure imported Spanish Olive Oil, for $1-26 A Two bottles of fine grade Toilet Water, your choice of either Violet, Wisteria or Lilac, for $1.26 Two bottles DeWitt's Cough Syrup, for . .' 36c Two bottles Kodak Dyspepsia Rem edy, for $101 Two boxes Imported Rice Face Pow der, for 61c HOT WATER BOTTLES $2.50 guaranteed Hot Water Bottles and Fountain Syringe, two for $2.51 ftp BARGAINS IN ONEIDA COMMUNITY SILVERWARE One Set Six Knives and Six Forks $4.58 One Set Six Teaspoons .98 One Set Six Salad Forks 1 .2.49 One Deny Spoon 1.19 One Gravy Ladle ,. 1.19 Make Our Store Yours While Attending the Festival. HOLSTEN'S Dr. Weyrens Talks to High Students on "Tuberculosis" At the high school auditorium last' Wednesday morning Dr. J. P. Weyrens addressed the students on the subiect of "Tuberculosis." He took up the his-1 tory of the disease stating that through the ages enormous numbers of deaths occurred from the disease but still no one knew what tne cause of the trouble was. It was in 1882 that Dr. Robert Koch of Berlin discovered the bacillus tuberculosis, the cause of tuberculosis. From this date on great strides were made in the prevention and cure of the disease. He stated that the number of adults who have had tuberculosis some time or another during their lives is much higher than is generally supposed. He 1 . . J an persons oeyonu miny years oi age have had the disease and that all but a comparatively small number have been j cured by their own resistance and most j of them never knew that they had the j disease. ' He pointed out that the things which prevent and cure tuberculosis are fresh air, good food and regular hours for( resi ana mai urux me prucucaiiy ui no value as far as curing or preventing the disease is concerned. He stated that tuberculsois cannot be inherited, but that a weak constitu tion may be inherited and that if these weak individuals -unduly spend their energy,, it might be easy for the germs of tuberculosis to infect them and eventually destroy them. New potato sacks, in any quantity. 0'Bannon & Neuswanger. 96tf Your Battery Can Freeze When a battery freezes it is ruined. Any battery in & discharged condition will freeze in cold weather. Store your battery with U3 when you lay up your car and save money. Come in and let us explain our method of "dry storage" which stops the chemical action and prevents deterioration of your battery while not in use. If you need a new battery get a "Vesta" Storage Bat tery with the plates locked apart, which eliminates short circuits due to buckled plates. ABSOLUTE GUARANTEE We guarantee every Vesta Battery sold by us for two years, and will make repairs if it fails to give perfect satis faction within this time. This is the longest guarantee of any battery on the market, and is absolutely definite and unqualified. It will pay you to see us before buying a new battery. Sizes in stock for all cars. , ' All Makes of Batteries Recharged ' and Repaired. Free testing and distilled water. Rental batteries for all cars. Batteries called for and delivered. Bring your bat tery and starter trouble to us. Expert workmen latest equipment complete facilities. YOURS FOR SERVICE Alliance Tire Works Phone 7 Times Dldg. I- IN THIS ELECTRICAL AGE OF OURS man or woman can use some sort of an appliance almost every hour of his or her wakeful day. Electricity knows no blue days. It is as faithful and willing in the morning as it is in the evening. Here is everything of "UNIVERSAL" quality in things electrical Electric Toasters, Grills, Vacuum Cleaners, Electric Irons, Percolators, Electric Fans, and a host of other things that will lessen work and make life worth while. Tickets Given on Festival Prize MAKE OUR STORE YOUR HEADQUARTERS