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THE ALLIANCE HERALD, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 1921.
THREE RANDOM SHOTS If the news in this issue ian't thrill ing enough to suit you, dear reader, you have our permission to go out .and burn down a barn or run otf with .your neighbor's wife. Can it be possible that all of tfie bootleggers are in jail. It's been a week since the last one was fined. claim unbelievable progress in i!f21. Oh boy, we are going into the cabbage and catalpa bix at once. Only twenty-three more days till Christmas and father has begun to wonder if last Christmas' socks, neck tie and kerchief will last the remain-, ing three weeks, for well he knows that Santa will remember him as per usual with the same standard get. In fact, most manufacturers are turning out a beautifully decorated gift box containing me aoove, with handsomely embossed letters "For Dad", but so J accustomed is he to receiving same wmV mean.tr'j;k they Played on . that we will wager this box won t be llliam Grapejuice Bryan the other opened till long after New Year's lugnt at a diplomatic banquet Lm- which is usual time for making a ""vuusiunniiuiciKu """"y ; change ot silkwear. ity if you're curious enoutrhl and liquor may be served without fear, war tax or difficulties with booze hounds. "3Ir. Bryan, as usual, drank water, and probably did it pretty ostentatiously. A waited replenished his glass, but filled it with gin, which has something of the same appearance. Mr. Bryan .Bryan took one swig, and then dis covered the awful truth. With a self Tighteous air, he dashed the glass and "the remainder of the gin on the floor. A man who will suffer like that for principle is deserving of a medal. They say that William Jennings Xryan smiled at the joke on him. We know two dozen Alliance men . who -would laugh out loud if the waiter -would play the same joke on them. - It may not be true that "Nobody loves a fat man." However, it's plam to be seen that the leans aren't brim ming over with love and admiration of 3. I I life It was Chesterton who said that no man or woman should gaze lonif into xl mirror. "You see," he said, "we tec ourselves so very, very plainly." There's only one thing that we hope -will happen a sort of heavenly retri "bution: We hope that some day those :four tfiins who spoke so harxn'y of the fats will get to weigh at least 200 pounds apiece. Especially the wom en. There's this consolation, we weren't always fat. ' Once we were thinner than Doc Knight, und had to fasten our hose supporters to the nether por tion of our shirts. Not insinuating, of course. We Recently discovered a pain of -fifteen pounds in our weight. The con versation at the dinner table turned upon the proper diet for reducing. Several suggested dishes that would assist. "How about cornbreud?" we asked innocently. "Forbidden," said our friend on the left. "You know vhat they use to fatten hogs." THE YEAR'SBEST STORY. "I don't want to eat this egg. It's not a nice egg," protested the bix-year-.old daughter of the house at the breakfast table. "Mary," said her mother sternly, "you are always complaining of your : food. Eat what is placed before you .very bite of it without another word, or else I'll have to give you a good spanking." All was quiet for some minutes. 'Then from the other end of the table : sounded a mournful voice. "Mother, dear, do I have to eat the beak too?" TODAY'S BEST STORY One o( the grape-juice specialists, a member of the anti-hooch league, was talking about "medicinal beer" and the dangerous precedent set by the treasury department of the na tion in issuing permits. "Why," he shouted to the audience, "suppose I had a pail of water and a pail of beer and brought on a donkey, which of the two would he take?" "He'd take the water," replied a voice from the gallery. "And why would he take the wat er?" eagerly shouted the orator. "Because he's a jackass," promptly came the reply. " And so the whole evening was ruined for the lecturer. ABE MARTIN II. Real estate here shows signs of an upward tendency; day before yeste'day the last motorcycle left town, splitting the air in the direction of Airyzona, with placard attached reading, "Bisby or Bust." The popularity of the average ln sorial artist is due to the ease with which he scrapes an acquaintance. Basket Ball League Organized for the North Platte Valley At a meeting held at Bridgeport Saturday the North Platte 'valley basket ball league was organized and the following officers elected: Prince, Alliance, president; Col son, Gering, vice-president; Johnson, Scottsbluff, seretary-treasurer. Eight towns were represented. Alliance, Bayard, Chap pell, Bridgeport, Gering, Scottsbluff, Siduel and Oshkosh. Schedules were arranged for all the towns represented for the coming basket ball season. The Alliance schedule in the league is as follows: January 13, open January 20, Gering at Alliance January 24, Alliance at Bayard. January 27, Alliance at Scottsbluff. . February 3, Sidney at Alliance. February 9, Alliance at Chappell. February 10, Alliance at Oshkosh. February 10, Bridgeport at Alliance. February 17, Bayard at Alliance. February 24, Scottsbluff at Alliance. The Alliance team will play the first game with the Chadron state normal at Chadron on December 16. Mr. Prince announces that they began practice Wednesday and they are working out plans for a trip during the holidays "and will go as far east as Lincoln if possible. "Last year they played eight games on their holiday trip and won five. Your girl friends will appreci ate a gift from our fine line of silk hose, silk underwear, and Why bemoan and bewail the absence .i . i i i- i. nhv Mwwr retail " Tnm nnd Madeira. They will like the qual Jerry, or what not it may be, when in , ity, and you will like the low only eight short years, 193Q, we can- j price. Open evenings until 9 p. ot even enjoy the after dinner cigar, m Oriental Store. 2 cigaret, or pipe, for the national anti- tobacco league promises a "bone dry" ' by that time. Nearly thirteen carloads ike you get at home, by the week s oread broadcast over this free coun try of ours in the year 1920 and they $7.00. II. L. Ferguson, Western Hotel Dining Room. 2 RAILROAD NOTES The Hoffland office was closed Mon day. Agent F. W. Koch now on the extra list and relieving Mr. Riggs at Sweetwater who plans to be ott kbout sixty days. 4M.m.s night train order position was closed the 1st and Operator G. W. King will return to his home at Merna. J. B. Kennedy of Ellsworth was re lieved for a lew days by S. E. Stew art who in turn was relieved by 'lorn w. ..li, oi Lrftacsiue. Mr. Kennedy is attending court in Rushville. Mr. Browne of Lush, Wyo., traveling witn his daughter en route to Florida on train No. 42, November 27, in charge of Conductor Ponath, was found dead in his Pullman section while 42 was at Broken Bow. A doc tor was called who pronounced death as resulting from heart failure. H. B. Miller, now second trick op erator at Broken Bow, is again wont ing as dispatcher relieving A. Gregory on the west end who in turn is reliev ing G. Ekhart. A. J. Welch has been off on account of sickness for some time, relieved by J. T. Coldwell. G. Eckhsrt is acting as night chief dis pauper in the ausence of H. H. Giles who is taking a two weeks' trip and vacation in and near Los Angeles, Cat. i J.CL Michaels of Thedford is now working as second trick operator at Broken Bow in the absence of H. B. Miller who is temporarily dispatching out of Alliance. Conductor Rred Reeder is laying off for a few days being relieved by M. E. Lander. Third trick operator's position at Ardmore was recently closed on ac count of falling off of business. This leaves only two continuous offices on the west end, Belmont and Crawford. Operator L. Z. Young of Anselmo has been on the sick list the past week and is being relieved, by M. A. Keene formerly ot Hyannis. Conductor F. J. O'Connor has been off some two weeks with his brother, Mike O'Connor, superintendent of the Western Pacific in Salt Lake City. Frank is now back at his turn on the east local out of Alliance and report his brother much improved. At a recent meeting of railroad officials it was decided that the "19" form of train order should not be used in putting out "meets" and the "31" or "sign up" form will be used al tdgether for this in the future. The action was taken and sustained from a safety-first point of view. Although the company has offered free small pox vaccination for em ployees to date but a few have applied for same. Although Kansas City is suffering greatly with this pest other points on this road are free, but is a known fact that there have been mjny exposures to the disease and the man agement urgently urges that nil who have not been recently vaccinated, ap ply to the local company doctor at once. It is understood by some that if once vaccinated one is immune for life but most doctors claim this is not the case and the serum generally pre vails for a four to seven year peiiod, although some doctors vaccinating in the U. S. Army informed the soldier that this was a "life time job." PROPER PRECAUTION "Daughter," said the old man, stern ly, "I positively forbid you marrying this young scapegrace! He is an in veterate poKer player!" "But, papa," tearfully protested ' Alicia Hortense, "poker playing is not such an awful habit, why, at your own club " "That's where I srot my information, daughter. Ill have.no daughter of mine bringing home a man that I can't beat with a flush, a full house and fours." We imagine that in the "invisible empire" time i told by ku klux kiocka. Brooklyn Eagle. THE UNIVERSAL CAR To the business man, retail or wholesale; to the manufacturer; to the commis sion man; to the trucking company, the Ford Model T One Ton Truck makes on irresistible appeal because it has in its chassis all the merits of the original Ford car; the wonderful Ford Model T Motor, the dependable Vanadium steel chassis, and the manganese bronze worm-drive. A strongly built truck that serves satisfactorily and lasts in service If these statements were not ,truer the demand for Ford Trucks wouldn't be so constantly on the increase. We will be pleased to take' your order for one or more Ford Trucks, will see that you get reasonably prompt delivery, and will give you an after service that insures the constant service of the Truck. But don't wait too long. Get your order In promptly. Coursey & Miller I.CI.IUI.CUIU.KI.IUUIM..M.. t A Diamond -Will Please Her! TVTATCH the brilliance of her smile with the gift of a diamond. Only such a gift is fitting as an ex pression of your sentiments, this Christmas. A diamond Brooch, a La Valliere, a Ring any of these will make her the happiest of women. - Show'your good taste by selecting Jewelry as your Holi day tribute. Show your good judgment by making your selection here. Our assortment of Jewelry of every description is com plete. Let us assist you in choosing the right gift. GIFTS THAT LAST HOLSTEN'S GIFTS THAT LAST i I THIS IS A FURNITURE Christmas . George D. Darling Furniture and Housefurnishings Skilled Employees Linemen, repairmen, operators, accountants all these and many other skilled men and women, are necessary to furnish telephone service. The telephone business is perhaps the most highly specialized and has the most sensitive machinery, of any industry which serves the public. Not only the best of equipment and well-trained employees, but a capable management is essential to provide the kind of service you want and the kind we ' want to furnish you. How we handle your calls, how we keep our records , and otherwise operate our business, will be inter esting to you. We shall be glad to explain everything if you will make it a point to call at our office. Mr m Northwestern Beu&ephone Company a