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THE ALLIANCE HERALD, TUESDAY, JANUARY 17, 1922.
TURKU , RANDOM SHOTS The next time anyone suggests that ome preacher, or any person other than the editor of this sheet, has writ ten any article appearing in The Herald s editorial column, you have our permission to call him as hard as you like, or to make any sort of a bet on the matter that you can get him to put up. Were willing to guarantee that the man making the claim will lose. For while were naturally in clined to be a trifle indolent, and are willing to encourage any industrious scnooier to contribute lor the news columns or this melange of mirth, we uraw the only line at the editorial column. Anything that appears there in is our own. It may be that others might do it better, but we never have given any of them the opportunity, and uon't have any intention of ever doing it. If any preacher, shyyl admits that he wrote or planned any editor tiate a treaty of peace between Alli .anU if he'll say it in our presence, the brother who brings him in may select tiny box of cigars that Glen Miller has in stock, and we 11 pay the bill. Die Buck rushes in where angels jfear to tread. "Guess I'll have a trip to the west end of the state and nego titae a treaty of peace between, Alli ance, Chadron and Bridgeport edi tors," he say3. If Ole will guarantee to make the fighting parsons of this city sign a peace treaty, we'll give him a percent age on the space saved in our news paper columns. In the good old days when we used to read proof on the Journal, beiore ve ever attained the editorial heights, we used to look on with ill concealed .amusement when Doc Bixby used to aave when the linotypists made hash of his Daily Drift, A few months later, when we were running a type writer, we wondered at his seli-re-straint. If there was ever an excuse for murder, it is when the linotypist buUa things up in his inimitable way. The worst feature is that here we have to read proof ourself, and there's no one to jump on beak end down. If you want your life spared, don't so much as snicker when a pair of those flopping galoshes crosses your path of vision. Keep your face straight itnd burst inwardly if you must burst . i.i all. ... . m But why shouldn't guffaws go with .galoshes ? THERE, THERE". DON'T CRY Honest, now, we loel sort oi guilty when we understand, how deeply we have wounded Leo Lloyd, (Jliauron's c:M-:litili' nf ilivrp-pvnl. iiiiil his noetical Lroiher, GalcnOy. W e never thought, when we pounaeu out u h-w vum telling what we thought of all home grown powtry, and their stuff in parti cular, that they'd take it so to heart. x rrtl i.itL-f HL-o ! m.'iri wlin Iims convinced some heartbu.-tel child thut. her dollie was stufTed with sawdust. 4jur estimate of that sort of poetry ( till stands, but, now that a softer j ijioou luta come upon us, we wonder j whether there's any gain in destroying) the happmess ot e.tner cnnu or Remorse, as another poet said, is ourn. What an avalanche of rhyme we have brought upon us. The Journal's column conductor joins in the chorus this week. If this keeps up, we'll have to order our poets to the firing line oi.ee more. And if we do, we'll steel our great,, big heart and let them con tinue until the massacre of the in nocents will havce its modern parallel. Just read the following, and see where our heartlessness has landed us: O, Herald of Alliance, you are breaking Leo's heart. .You have caus ed a separation betwixt his. labor and his art. You have trimmed his sails completely and are causing him to jib, sxnd are losing for thi3 paper a valu able contrib. Don't you feel a trifle penitent, regretful or morose? Have n't you a guilty feeling or a pity lachrymose? Has your manhood fled entirely and deserted your tall frame? Have your passions held you chilly at the mention of his name? If you scorn his last production, written this week for "The Galley," we will load our trusty hootchgun and will meet you in the alley. "Now that the proper setting has been laid," as Doc 1'eet said of the 1 -..Til , 1 barn-yard provider, we win prucwu with Leo's latest: j DYING GROANS In the life of each man there is just one time. When he feels poetic and babbles in rhyme. . "When hU soul gushes forth in the tone of his muse . . Tis this period known as "Poetical K!ues-" . . ,,1.1 The, Box Butte writers have all had their spasms And have taken the leap down "Ob livion's Chasms;" They have forded the stream, the dire river "Styx," . . And no longer with mortals are privi leged to mix. The fate of Gatenby and Leo Lloyd Are dreams of the past, a great "Ach ing void." "Peace be to their souls," "God pity their bones" When each to his pet spirit meekly atones. . We hope for forgiveness, if wrongly we've striven. We're forgiving all poets; may we be f - - rr i n No longer we'll dabble in meter or verse Since upon heads devoted there set 11w n mr. The wrath of the roets we simply despise, Let the public pass judgment, "Silly or Wise. Toetic license, probably. Ed. favorite limerick of President Wood tow Wilson, w ho like all the rest of us lesser mortals, amused himself in writing and reading them: "For beauty I am not a star, There are others more handsome by far, But my face, I don't mind it, For I am behind it, It's the people in front that I jar." ONE GREAT DAY. This is now going the rounds: "In appreciation of the life work of a well-known editor of our acquain tance for the community in which he lived a bunch of citizens recently pre sented him with a bouquet. On the same occasion a quartette from a local church sang a few- sweet 6ongs and a minister made a rittle talk. After the minister's talk six husky men carried the popular editor from the house and placed him tenderly in a 1922 model plumed sedan and the whole town formed in parade behind the editor's expensive car. After the parade the crowd returned to their homes serene in the thought of having provided one bright day in the life of their local purveyor of news even if they did wait until he was dead to do it." TODAY'S BEST STORY. An old sergeant wa3 noted for his ability as a drill-master and was in variably assigned to the task of break ing in new recruits. There came to the company a captain with advanced ideas, who quickly noted that the ser geant was as proficient in profanity as he was in the I.D.R. He took him to task. "Sergeant," he said, "I have no com plaint to make of your ability, but I want you to realize that you are to teach these men how to drill and not how to swear. And I want you to real ize that explanation is necessary be fore calling them down for inferior work. Now I expect to see some im provement in your methods." "Very good, sir." The following day he overheard the sergeant at instruction. "Now I want to see you step out lively, my sons. And keep your eyes straight to the front, my sons. And hold your heads up, my sons. You know the kind of sons 1 mean." TODAY'S HOOCH STORY. The man who had struck one of Ihose rare not-so-very-prohibition par tics and didn't want to leave it had made two unsuccessful attempts to get irto the telephone booth, he dropped his nickel in. "H'lla. h'llo, h'llo," he cried. "Say, gimme Line s Busv. thassa good g'rl. H'llo, whassat? Line's bu y? Aw rirht." He staggered out. "Lord knows 1 tried to get her any way, her murmured. Railway Travel Is Growing Safer As Years Go By Thirty years ago, Mr. Average American, you took eight annual rail way journeys, and now you take twelve. Then you rode 24 miles each trip and now you go 38 miles. Not withstanding you ride half as many more times now, half again farther each trip and doubtless spend half as much more time in railway travel, yet the danger to your life is less than halfas great as it used to be. If you have ridden once in the last 33 years, your chances of being killed were one in 91,000,000. Or, if you have taken one trip each year during that period, you came as near losing your life as one is near to 2,760,000. One ride taken last year imposed a hazard on your life of only one in 5,637,000, and on your twelve customary journeys, you were as far from jeopardy as 473,000 is greater than one. Altogether the railways of the United States car ried in 1920 about 1,300,000,000 pas sengers, with one killed for each group of 5,673,000 carried, while in a i.otal of 472,000,000 people carried in 1889, the death rate was one in 1,523, 000. The danger to life of railway travelers in 1920 was therefore less than one-third of what it was in 1889, most of the reduction accruing since 1907. To be sure, there have been bad years, also exceptionally good years, but the general trend throughout the whole period has been decidely towards the increasing safely of the traveling public. The foregoing figures are the re sult of statistics compiled by the Inter state Commerce Commission. The Cody brothers were in lown from northwest of town Sun.lav. Henry Stoon drove to Holland Sunday afternoon. He was accompan ied on the trip by his wife and sister in-law and Mrs. Baker and two chil dren, who are visiting here Mt the present time. Jack Balleneer was un from his home near Bingham Sunday and was a guest at the R. A. Westover home in East Lakeside. A number of men and bovs on horse back took wolf hounds and had a roundup in the hills Sunday. One coy ote was capture! so we are tld. SCOTTSBLUFF TEACHER KILLED BY AN AUTO SCOTTSBLUFFMrs. Grace Mont- ross, a teacher in the Scottsbluff schools, and daughter of W. W. Quivey LAKESIDE A special matinee at 4 o'clock Thurs- (lay evening, januiry in, wiii oe iii'ici for all school children in the grades, at which tine there will le a thief reel comedy film and "The Toy Shop," by Mrs. Dunning's expression class. Admission 10 cents. In the evening the complete protrram of pictures, also part, "The Toy Shop," and part 2. "A Little Excitement," bv the high school expression class will he given at the popular prices, 50c for adults and 2rc for children. 15 Fine for Possessing Hooch Practically Broke Colored Man L. W. Englis, colored, was arrested at the Burlington station Thursday morning, when the officers investigat ed a suspicious bulge in one of his pockets, which turned out to have been caused by a quart of hooch. Englis' grip contained another quart of the precious fluid. In police court Thurs day afternoon, Judge Berry proved that he had a kind heart. The colored man was possessed of but $101.07, and the fine for illegal possession amounts to an even $100. This sum, with the costs, was several dollars more than the prisoner possessed. Judge Berry was equal to the occasion, and threw oq a bit for cash, so that when the colored man left the court room, his tangible assets amunted to $1.47 and a railway ticket. He took the next train out. All tTlte cigarettes made in the Unit ed States last year end to end wolud go around the earth 1,848 times. This we regard as a matter of tremendous unimportance. Mrs. I. D. Whaley and son, Harvey, went to Alliance Thursday. Lou Trester and Ray Cameron were in town after coal last week. Mrs. Frank Westover came in from the country last week to send her lit tle daughter to school here the balance of the term. R. C. Brunson and Chris Mosher were in from the Star ranch Friday. Edward Jameson was an Ellsworth visitor Thursday. Mrs. George Lindley entertained the ladies' kensintrton club at her home here last Thursday. Roy Stoon drove in from the Star ranch ne'ghborhood the latter part of the weeK. Mr. Llitteros of Antioch was in Lal:e'-ide on business Friday. Mrs. Leo Berry and daughter, Grace, drove out to the Ralph Shrewsbury home I inlay evening. Fred Spccr was in town Friday afternoon. Peter Kickcn drove in from his ranch northeast Friday morning to bring his sister. Ella, to the station, where she took No. 43 for Alliance, to spend a few weeks with her cousin, Mrs. Clair Wiison. A. W. Tyicr and son, Walter, were shopping here Saturday. Mr. find Mrs. George Hyland went to HofTland Saturday to take charge of an eatine house at that Place. Will Scebnum was up from Ells worth Saturday. Charles Bamebv and children. Olin and Thelma, drove to Alliance Satur day to have some dented work done, and on the return trip when a little way from Antioch an axle moke broke. A man from Antioch brought them on home. Gene DeFrance came in from the ranch Saturday evening after a load of com. Sunday morning while hitch ing up the team they became fright ened and ran away, upsetting the wagon and scattering the corn. For tunately Mr. Del' ranee escaped un iniureiL Max Moscrip was in town Sunday. Messrs. I. D. and Harvey Whaley and Master Dale Pollard and Wilton Whalev went to Alliance Sunday and returned Sunday evening in the ctr which has been undergoing repairs at that place. Bruce Hunsaker was a Hoffland business visitor Sunday afternoon. Martin Mulhall a rancher near Ells worth was injured one day last week While climbinir a ladder to his hay loft his foot slipped and he fell back wards across a manger, injuring his back in such a manner that he had to be carried to the house. At the time of this writing he is reported to Le in a nrrttv bad condition. The Messrs A. E. Olson, Will Brown and Wilbur Goodrich went to Hoffland to work Sunday. Mrs. Walter Rice and son. Win. McKinney were in Lakeside Sunday FLORIDA Imps imrn VIA THE Burlington the pleasant way to travel. Now, is the time to go. Start right take the Burlington; enjoy both the trip and the service. H. L. ORMSBY, Ticket Agent of Mitchell, was stnick by an automo bile in Scottsbluff Friday evening and died a few minutes later. Her father an attorney of Mitchell, was also struck but aside from a severe shock and a number of bruises, suffered very little. The auto was being driven by a son of Thomas Suratt, a farmer liv ing in Funston precinct Evidently the car was going at considerable ppeed, for Mrs. Montross' body was carried more than forty feet, and the head light and fender was badly bent. Mrs. Montross was a widow, and she leaves one son. A daughter died some months ago at Kearney. CHURCH SOCIETY MUST PAY FOU LOST FINGER LINCOLN The woman's society of the Westminster Pmbyterian church hero must pay Mrs. Stella Hensley, a cook, $15 a week for thirty-seven week for tho loss of an index finger from blood poison growing out of a cut on her finger while peeling potatoes at the society's fair grounds booth Us fall. This is the first state com pons tinn award against a church society according to Secretary of Labor Freak Kennedy. THINGS EVEN UP. "Some of these jitney drivers crowdl in passengers so that a girl has to ride on a man's lap." "It doesn't seem right to make thft girls pay full fare," "Oh, things even up. The youn( man isn't charged anything additional." Herald Want Ads Results. ......... Reducing Stock Sale j Furniture and Housefurnishings. We find that our stock is too large; we must reduce our invest ment. We have gotten busy. Cut prices are the result. Look over the list below. It gives a partial outline of what we are offering. Come to the store and see how low we have marked our goods. Everything in the furniture and housefurnishing lines is reduced in price 20 to 33 1-3. BED ROOM FURNITURE lied 'in Ivory Finish $16.00 Dresser in Ivory Finish 31.00 Chiffonier in Ivory Finish 29.00 Dressing Table in Ivory Finish 29.00 l'.cd in Ivory Finish $28.00 Chifl'onier in Ivory Finish 36.00 Full Vanity Dressing Case in Ivory Finish 68.00 Dresser, Walnut Finish $3.M)0 Princess Dresser in Genuine Walnut Veneer 47.00 Dresser in Genuine Mahogany Veneer - 59.00 Dresser, Golden Oak, Top, 18x36, Mirror 11x20 ... $19.00 Dresser, Golden Oak, Top 18x3G, Mirror 18x2 1 24.00 Dresser, Golden Oak, Top 19x10 Mirror 22x28 $29.00 Dresser, Golden Oak, Heavy Colonial Top 20x38, Mirrow 22x26 $32.00 KITCHEN TABLES Wood top, 26x12 $ 6.00 Porcelain top, 26x10 9.95 Porcelain top, 27x12 12.75 Porcelain top, 28x18 16.75 SIMMONS STEEL BEDS Two inch Post Bed $ 9.00 Two inch Post Bed 11.00 Two inch Post Bed 13.00 Two inch Square Post Bed, Wood Finishes $19.00 and $22.00 SPRINGS Simmons Slumber King $12.50 Wav Sagless Spring 12.50 Link Fabric Springs 7.00 Link Fabric Springs 8.50 MATTRESSES 15 lb. All-Cotton Mattress $ 7.75 .r0 1m. Layer Cotton Mattress 12.00 55 lb. High grade Felt Mattress Fancy Tick 16.00 DINING ROOM FURNITURE Extension Table, six foot, 15 inch top, Golden Oak $19.00 Extension Table, six foot, 42 inch, top, Golden Oak 21.00 Extension Table, six foot, 45 inch top, Golden Oak 25.50 BUFFETS Solid Tlain Oak, with mirror back ..$29.00 Solid Quartered Oak, with Mirror back 39.00 CHAIRS Solid Oak Dining Chair, for G $19.00 Solid Oak Dining Chair, with leather seat, for 6 29.00 Solid Oak Dining Chair, with leather slip scat, for 6 32.00 Ivory Enamel, Lady's Writing Desk 14.00 Bird's Eye Maple, Lady's Writing Desk $14.00 Mahogany Finish Windsor Arm Rocker $11.00 Solid Mahogany Cane seat and back 20.00 Genuine Leather Overstuffed Fire side Rocker - 34.00 Tapestry Overstuffed Fireside Rock er 41.00 ROCKERS Fibre Rocker, with arms $12.00 Fibre Rocker, with arms, upholster ed seats and backs $19, $21, $23, $23 Rocker, quartered oak, waxed finish, genuine leather seat, with arms. 13.50 Rocker, with arms, quartered oak, waxed finish, auto cushion seat, in genuine leather 14.50 Rockers, with arms, large and com fortable, with genuine leather seats and backs, in Golden Oak waxed $20, $23 and $26 Sewing Rockers, Wood seats, low as 2.65 Sewing Rockers, with compartment under seat $7.50 Wood Seat Arm Rockers, as low as 3.50 Look for the Red Tags DON'T DUY UNLESS YOU SEE A HEAL BARGAIN. George D.-Darling 115-117 West Third Street Alliance, Nebraska Aecordine to Mr. Tumulty (do you remember who HE was?), this was the J ...S'.'.'.S'i'.'.'.'.t.'..'.'''.'.'.'.''.S''.'.''.'.'.S'i'..''.'.'i'.'i'.S'.'.'.,.'.''...l.'i'.'.'.'.'.'i'iKrt