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THE ALLIANCE, HERALP. FIUDAY, JUNE 10, 1022
THREU RANDOM SHOTS What a difference n sinple word makes. Staring headline in the Oma ha Journal-Stockman reads: '"Nchrus ka OiFer? Great Chances in Kaisinir .f Livestock." Now, what the head vriter meant to say was that there were preat opportunities, hut three ranchers have told u that the wrong wording was nearer the truth. So far as that (toes, there are plenty f chances in the printing business. Trouble i that so many of them are ttgainst you. It'? petting to be a most unchival vous nee. '1 he kid niece, who is not t all hard to gaze upon, has so far failed to locate a youth of her own age to teach her to s-wim or to pi tennis. The office woman hater gets out of sight the minute f-he enters the looi Every time we run acros or.e tho.-e persistent life in-urance agent ve' think how he could clean up tl -a-h if he were only in the bootk; yir.g game. By the way, do you suppose Tom Cray has ever forgiven us lor making light of the serious fact that he ..a in jail? We've gotta admit that Colonel Rufus Jones has got the whole I'latte Valley kowtowing to him because of his knowledge ol woris and their uses. His goat story, as we recall, as the best contribution to the sagas of western Nebraska, but after what he said of the hoi-polloi, we refuse to place any laurel on his brow. Anyway, we always like to picture Hufus with vine leaves in his hair. When the fishing season is on in earnest, Abe will forget he owns .a canoe. You can't get the old kind of liquid bait, without which no fishing trip -was ever a complete success. "One fisherman got hold of a quart a t ' i i . L r I . VI Dan, oui ii was gone ueiuie ne gui to tne iisnmg noie. The state board of oardons. it is said, is now inquiring diligently into the history of every convict who ap plies for a parole. This undue dili gence is due to the discovery that Fred . .Brown, who has the whole state ex cited, was turned loose although, under tthe rules, he was not eligible, lie1 srrettable, isn't it, that the board should just be discovering the extent ff their obligation to the public I Some day, if the interest in Flag iav continues to Increase, there may be a Memorial day parade in Alliance "where at least a dozen hats will go off .as the nag passes. Al Gavin came upon a humorous paragraph which constitutes the best defense of the flapper to date. This suuib said that the girls of today dis play more understanding than their mothers or grandmothers ever did. The Rotarian Magazine, in a boost for spelling reform, presents the word ""Ghoughphtheightteeau" as the word "potato" spelled in English according to the pronunciation of certain com binations of letters found in other English words. This is no argument for simplified spelling, but rather a demonstration or how extremely ver satile the bloomin' language is. If a man wants to get cured of the simplified spelling bug, let him read a letter from some enthusiast who puts his own ideas on the subject into prac tice. The supreme court has rendered a decision saying that the North Platte school board has ample authority to permit school dances. Now there's nothing in the way of Alliance pupils enjoying the same privilege. In North Platte, some patrons ob jected and took the matter into court. The judge said the rules adopted were excellent safeguards, and the mere fact that some taxpayers objected didn't have anything to do with the case. tJ.m However, just because Alliance may legally have school dances doesn't j-pell anything. THE GUILTY PARTY. It was about half way throuirh the revival meeting and as the principal evangeli.-t was warming to his work he saw a man sleeping peacefully in the front row, his t-nores ascending to the ceiling. "Will somebody please waken that man?" he requested. Nobody stirred. "Somebody wake that man up'.'' thundered the great exhorter. "Aw, wake him up yourself," prowled an unconverted neighbor of the slumberer. "You're the guy that put him to fleep." It's all right to kick about your as sessment, but if you value your life, don't cast any asparagus on the county assessor. One wallop across the dome with tfcnt cane of John s, and your heirs may pay the taxes for you. Oh, well, John ues the famous old democratic method of settling an ar gument. That was the thing that attracted the linh to the patty. A Nebraska City woman, who is something of a man-hater, has done'a" little rf search work and has di.-cov-t red thit the ingredients of man, plu. vater, are as follows: "Fat -enough for seven bars of soap; iron ennugh for a medium-sized nail; mgar enough to fill a shaker: bme enough to whitewash a hen-ouse; phosphorus enouyh to make 2,200 match tips; matnesium enough for a l6.-e of stomach remedy; potassium enough to explode a toy cannon; sul phur cjiough to rid a dog of a dose of fleas. My investigation led, too, to the discovery that the whole collection is worth ubout US cents, in a day When thing. are three timea as high priced tliey should be." Wednesday, Fred Brown, the Omaha bandit, was seen in seven different counties in seven parts of the state. That bird is getting more publicity than the James boys, and there were two of them. Among the humorous incidents of the week is the tale of the two house holds which were aroused to anger and strong language by some merry makers who, late at night, tossed lighted firecrackers under the win dows where strong men slept. The merry makers were routed eas ily. One volley of language strong enough to set fire to the roof was enouirh to acconipli.-h it, because there were two girls in the party of jokers. But when the tall gink fired a couple of shots from n .3S, the incident lost uny humor that it might have pos sessed. "There was n doir in the back seat, and 1 like dogs," is the anguished pro test. "I never patted anything but the dog." TODAY'S BEST STOIIY. Before the days of the dethronement of King Bacchus, there was a party of South Omaha stockmen on a train tak ing a trip through Minnesota. To while away the hours a friendly game of poker was in progress. The game was for medium stakes and strictly table stakes. One fellow named William the fel lers call him Bill was in a pot for a showdown, as all his chips had dwindled away in poor calls and poorer bets. Behind Bill sat a fellow who was carrying a fair sized load and he had watched our friend's chips melt away. Reaching over and touching Bill on the shoulder he said in a low tone: "Say, young man, I am going to get off this train at Worthington, and I want to say to you that you want to get off there, too, whether this damn train stops or not." Warrick Wins Libel Suit In u, Supreme Court Lincoln Star: President S. K. War rick of the First National bank at ScottsblufT was within his legal rights when he questioned the official integ rity of Grant L. Shumway. former land commissioner of Nebraska, in a written protest against the granting of a bank charter at ScottsblufT to Shumway and others, the state su preme court holds in a decision dis missing Shum way's $50,000 libel suit af'ist Warrick. Even if the charge was maliciously made, says the hiuh tribunal. War wick could present it to the state bank ing bureau without being held respon sible under the libel law. It is de clared to be the bureau's duty to in vestigate the integrity and financial responsibility of persons applying for bank charters, and theretore war rick's charge was pertinent, whether true or not. The district court of Scotts 'Bluff countv sustained Warrick s demurrer. On Shumwav's appeal the supreme court affirms this finding. Ihe ban charter applied for was denied by the banking bureau, and an enoit to fee cure it by mandamus proceedings failed. SEE - - . -. i Bap- i Ll'THLRAN Ull'ltUI. I Holy communion will be celebrated lin the service Sunday morning, negin- n. ng at lu oc.ock. The service will be conducted in the German language. ; Sunday school at !:;t0 o'clock. 1 F. DKOEGEMUELLEK, l'astor. METHODIST t Ht Kl II. The pastor will speak at both the "orr:nvr nrd evening services next Sunday at the usual hours. Notwithstanding the absence of many people last Sunday on vacation trips, the church was well filled ot both morning and evening services. The unique cradle roll service in the niorning in which each class appeared in their regalia, received many com plimentary remarks, and the children's day program in the evening was snid to have been one of the best given in the church for a long time. We invite all our ooonle to t.i'o id- vantage of the rare opportunity next Tuesday night to listen to the v. oi Id renowned lecturer, lr. Louis Albert Banks who will spofik t;t u mass melt ing nt the Methodist church. It will le a great privilege to lit."i lo Ihe man who has written the most hook of anv man ivincr. who ns tln n:i.'m of Trinity Methodist church in Jener received over a thousand members in to the church in two vears. who n-ns n close friend and contemporary worker wnn trance. t.. Willard, and whose voice has been heard for years at the big chautauuuas. We also will have a chance to win the large flag on display in Miller's store window, if our Sunday srhool can send out the largest number of adults to the lecture. M. C. SMITH, Tastor. "ihe Greatest .vjni.er in the Bible. Men. you had better get together on ice;" evening, "Healing Faith.' Aoram. c chum that no creator this mutter. Wp limo hn uiil. ikn. i.. r..u,....... . . .. ' - ......... ...... .... ..7 ii i i.i.- iiinun lll. sinner is mentioned in that wonderful Ihs twice now and we do not hesitate vcCOme to the friendly church with, book than Abram. Come and be one: to say that they are developing some ,h. ZiiJ in Twh.tri -r that will study with us team Thev have challenged the C. IV?11 P' 5he!i'. iJ I , - . . luiiiii- mi pining, iiit: inuicit naj I., hoys ot the Christian church. i been redecorated at last, and it's a Sermon subjects for Sundav: "Morn-j beauty, ing, "The Royalty of I hristian Serv- R. J. MINORT, Pastor. The B. Y. P. U. boy are meeting twice n week for practice in baseball to leat the "Dads" in the near futu:e. The man with a political bee in his bonnett often gets stung. Charleston Gazette. Herald Want Ads Results. CHURCH OF CHRIST. "Our Best for God" and "The Great Storehouse," are the subjects for the sermons next Lord's day. It is our desire to present sermons that are bcnptural and helpful. The preaching of the word is given its proper em phasis each Lord's day. Gospel music is rendered at eacn service. ine ex cellent work done by the choir nuken all services more worshipful. The male quartet sings nearly every Sun dav vpr!nr The Bible school contest continues with the men and boys on one side and the women and girls on .he other. The same points are used as in the other contest. Come, be on time v ith a prepared lesson and stay for the morning service and you will count fifteen points for your side. The minister will attend the Chnd ron conference on fundamentals next week. This is to be a great meeting and many would find it helpful to at tend. At the last board meet H. D. Shel lenberger was elected church treasurer and Fremont Wilson financial cleik. We hope that all who are interested will see that the finances are sulficient to meet expenses as they come. You are invited to come to the church with a message and a welcome. S. J. EPLER, Minister. BAPTIST CHURCH. With the attendance at 263 last Sun day at Bible school, we have set a mark that will not be easy to keep up and it will require every effort upon the part of all members to see that this mark is not missed this coming Sunday. The women are determined to give the men an overwhelming tie feat, but the men are not asleep on the job. The men will meet under the tree next to the parsonage for their study. The topic this week is, .1. Kellogg's Corn Flakes touch-the-spot anyhour gaJmSli of day or night "fiobbr dog, guilM if makoi you hungry, too, to Mmo mo oat m groat big bowl ot Kollogg't tor broak(at ovary morning! But I can't tparo mny today, Bobbui honott I can't!" You can't resist the appeal of Kellogg's Corn Flakes! Pour out a bowl brim full of Kellogg's big, joyously brown, crisp and crunchy! Was there ever such an appetite treat! And, such a flavor! A breakfast or lunch or supper thrill for big folks as well as little ones. Get KELLOGG'S Corn Flakes for sure because Kellogg's are the original Corn Flakes and so deliciously good and so superior in every way that your delight will be boundless. Please understand that Kellogg's are never tough or leathery or hard to eat they're always crispy! Kellogg's .are sold' only in the RED end GRE2.N7pac.k3ge. bearing the 'sig nature of Wi K. Kellogg, originator of Toasted Corn Flakes! NONE ARE GENU I N, E ' W.PTH O U T IT!-; Ha ve Kellogg's for breakfast tomorrow! 70) -oS CORN FLAKES AIm auWof KELLOCC'S MUMBLES ! KELL0CCS BRAN, coLJ u kruU.d i us TOASTED CORN. FlAKEi .in - - . . ,i n !B m m am. L-r-p r taNii trnn ' -l-o . j. . I . t o.Zo .;. of... HV A One-Day Sale Smart Summer Frocks FOR SATURDAY ONLY WE WILL OFFER YOUR CHOICE OF BEAUTIFUL SUMMER GARMENTS AT CLEARANCE PRICES French Organdie Dresses at a Discount of - . Wo Can you duplicate these Frocks at such prices? No you'll agree when you see them. For they're developed in the very finest summer fabric, and so beautifully made! They all follow the lat est vogues, and are in a variety of attractive models. You'll find all shades canary, tomato, periwinkel, lav ender and white. You'll surely want several of these Dresses, so come early for selection. We expect crowds. THE FASHION S OP announcing the expected arrival of the new automobile that is the peer of the lower priced cars The Good MAXWE 1 T17 E hope to have on our show room floor Saturday, W or Monday, the different body types of The Good Maxwell. The A. H. Jones Company is confident that they have secured in The Good Maxwell a moderately priced car that will give you performance in exchange for its purchase price. If you are in the market for a car or if you or not come in Saturday and see The Good. Maxwell for your self.' We feel assured you will be gFatly pleased with the lines asvell as te nlechanlcal excellence of this new .. .fall and get.inik)i.Wvtion.fTQnus.' . It is a pMasure to explain .the features of. The Good Maxwell. A. H. j ones mm Third and Cheytnne Distributors of "The Good MAXWELL" opaoy Alliance, Nebraska ITf IH r ' '''