TRUE LOVE'S ROUTE
10 IT ALWAYS THROUGH THE
Sometimes "Py the StummlcU," Ac
cording to Philosopher Who Backs
Up His Assertion with Con
elusive Individual Proof.
Mnx, the Washington Heights Ba-'
loon keeper, sat In his cheerful back
room the other night and defied the
weather. 13eitig Sunday the chain
was on the door, and tho prcsenco of
two policemen In uniform, who had
dropped in for a littlo something
warm to offset tho effect of tho un
charitable elements, contributed to
the general atmosphere of security
and comfort. Half a dozen of Max's
most neighborly patrons added to tho
Max himself smacked his lips and
sighed a largo and comprehensive
sigh of satisfaction as ho arranged
the trayful of delicacies which had
just been brought down from his cozy
flat and constituted his Sunday even
ing meal. He had let tho bartender
go for tho day and was on duty him
self; hence he could not join his fam
ily at supper. He carefully preened
his long blonde mustache, hid the
brilliance of tho big diamond that
glowed like a headlight on his spot
less shirt front, and then when ap
parently about to tackle the repast,
smacked his lips yet again and paused
"Lofo conies py tho stummick. Yes,
mine friends, lofe iss not py der head
or py der heart, but py der stummick.
I prove It 11 years ago, und mlno vife
upstairs, she would toll you der same.
"Fourteen years ago I wass a bartender,-
und for six monts I keep com
pany py a girl what wass der sister of
mlno vife upstairs. I get T'ursdays
off, und I take supper mlt mine girl
und her mudder. Dis vun, mine vife,
wass a cook mlt a private family, und
so for six monts I nefer see her on
T'ursdays. But vo hat goot suppers;
mlno girl, she cook 'em.
"But vun T'ursday I find mine girl
iss not home. Her sister, mine vife,
Is home, und she cooks dor supper.
Ach, Gott; vhat a supper! She hass
all mine favorites Hungarian goulash,
homo mate peach pie and French cof
fee mlt cream. Ach, such a cook!
Such a supper! Py and py I say:
" 'Vhere iss your sister?'
" 'She's gone mlt a girl py a play,
" 'I hope she stayo there,' I says.
"Well, mlno friends, dot night 1
propose to my girl's sister, der cook.
Lofe comes py der stummick. She
says: 'O, vhat vill mlno sister say?'
'You tell her I say for her to go py der
devil,' says I. In one vveok wo wass
married, und dot is mine goot vife
uptsalrs dere 14 years.
"Now, I always have goot food, und
I am der boss. Vhen I speak efory
boty in der house shuts up. I say
lofo comes py der stummick."
"Good for you, Max," chorused tho
"But ono fing I vill not do," con
tinued tho saloon keeper between
bites. "I vill not vheel der baby car
riage. I vill valk alongside, mine
hants behint mine back, und smoke
my cigar. I vill not hantle der milk
pottle. What does mens know about
such t'lngs? Noddings. I am a prac
tical mans like mino fader and mud
tier. "Plenty vifes send dor husbands
oudt on Sunday mit der babies und
tier milk pottles. Der babies cry und
tier mens stuff 'em mlt milk. In der
night they get sick. On Monday
comes do doctor. All der veek it
takes to get der babies well again. I
vill not push der baby carriage."
And tho audience, In tones of coiv
"You're all right, Max, ol' feller; we
wouldn't, either." Washington Post.
Eags of the Wren.
Six or eight minutely speckled
flesh-colored eggs suffice to keep tho
nervouB wren In her home.
Wanderings of a Seagull.
On Oct. 28 last there was shot at
Oushy, on Lake Leman, a seagull, aged
about 16 months, which was found to
be wearing on Its claw a silver ring
engraved with tho words "Vogel Sta
tlon, Rosslten 20." Rosslten Is situ
ated on the Lido of the Courland la
goon, botweon Konlgsberg and Momel
in the Baltic, 1,500 kilometers from
the Lake of Geneva. M. Florol, of
Lausanne, communicated with Dr. J.
Thlenemann, director of tho ornltho
logical station at Rosslten. According
to the latest notes tho full No. 20 was
hatched there and was marked with
the ring when a few weeks old, before
it could lly, on July 4, 1905. It seems
probable that it had thus mado two
winter migrations beforo it fell a vie
time to the human barbarian. Now
" York Herald.
An Old Bachelor's Opinion.
"It is said that tho safoty pin was
Invented by a man."
"And I'll wagor ho was somo man
whoso wifo was too busy assisting
with the social uplift to keep his trou
sers properly equipped with buttons.
To Be Dedicated In Buffalo Sept. 5.
Former Residents Invited.
Tho beautiful white marble shaft
erected by tho state of New York In
Niagara Square, Buffalo, N. Y., to tho
memory of President McKinley,is to
bo formally dedicated Thursday, Sept.
5, and tho event will bo tho central
featuro of Buffalo's Old Homo Week,
Sept. 1 to 7. Former residents of Buf
falo and tho public at largo are cor
dially Invited to attend the dedication.
The McKinley monument was planned
and executed under tho direction of a
commission of prominent men, at a
cost of ?150,000. Gov. Charles B.
Hughes, with his military staff, will
take part in tho ceremonies and Presi
dent Roosevelt and former President
Grover Cleveland have been invited to
attend and speak. Military parades
will bo a featuro of the occasion.
All in Cold Storage.
An Oregon attorney, representing
n client whose title to a certain cold
storage plant was under fire, closed
an ffble argument before the Oregon
supreme court recently with tho fol
lowing bit of pathos: "Your honor,
there is more resting upon your de
cision than this cold storage plant: a
human life is at stake. My client's
life's efforts are in this cold storage;
his life's blood is in this cold storage;
his body and soul are wrapped up
in this cold storage." Law Notes.
FEARFUL BURNING SORES.
Boy in Misery 12 Years Eczema in
Rough Scales, Itching and In
flamed Cured by Cuticura.
"Cutlcura has put a stop to twelve
years of misery I passed with my son.
As an Infant I noticed on his body a
red spot and treated same with differ
ent remedies for about five years, but
when the spot began to get larger I
put him under tho care of doctors.
Under their treatment tho disease
spread to four different parts of his
body. During tho day it would get
rough and form like scales. At night
It would be cracked, Inflamed and bad
ly swollen, with terrible burning and
itching. Ono doctor told me that my
son's eczema was Incurable, and gave
It up. I decided to give Cuticura a trial.
When I had used tho first box of Cuti
cura Ointment there was a great im
provement, and by the time I had used
the second set of Cuticura Remedies
my child was cured. Ho is now twelve
years old, and his skin Is as lino and
smooth as silk. Michael Stolnman, 7
Sumner Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y., April
When they enter a theater women
should check their hats and men their
Smokers hnve to call for Lewis' Single
Binder cigar to get it. Your dealer or
Lewis' Factory, Peoria, 111.
A woman who has given her Hps
has given everything. Anonymous.
W. N. U LINCOLN, NO. 32, 1907.
Positively cured by
these Little Pills.
They uino relievo DIs
treHfrom Dyspepsia, III'
digestion and Too Hearty
hating. A perfect rem
edy for Dizziness, Xiuv
sea, DrowhlnejiH, Had
Taste in the Mouth, Coat
ed Tongue, Tuln in tho
Hide, TOUPID MVEK
Tlicy regulate tho Uo
wels. Purely Vegetable.
SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PRICE,
Genuine Must Bear
Always In the Way.
Recently a country doctor In tho
north of Ireland, a bachelor, who was
locally noted for his brusqueness and
irascibility, was driving along a nor
row lane, or "borecn," when his pas
sago was effectually barred by an old
woman, who was returning from tho
bog leading an ass whose panniers
wero filled with peats. Tho woman
led tho ass to tho sldo of the lano as
quickly as sho could, but not quickly
enough to plenso the short-tempered
doctor. "Faugh!" he exclaimed, with
a snort of disgust. "Women and asses
are always in tho way." "I'm glad yo
havo tho manners to put yourself
last," said the old woman, calmly.
Tho doctor drovo on without another
Important to Mothers.
Exnmlno carefully every bottlo of CASTOTIIA,
h safo mid euro remedy for infants and children,
nud bco that It
In Ubo For Over UO Years.
Tho Kind You lluvo Always Uought.
Somo men think they can't "get
next to nature," properly without tak
ing along two quarts of whisky and a
box of cigars. Judge.
It Cures While You Walk.
Allen's Foot-Ease is a certain cure for
hot, sweating, callous", and swollen, aching
feet. Sold by all Druggists, i'liec 'J,V Don't
accent any substitute. Trial package FIM0H3.
Address Allen o. Unlisted, x Hoy, N. Y.
Tho Bride How do you know that
man across the aisle is a pugilist?
Tho Groom Why, just listen how
fluently ho talks.
Does Your Head Ache?
If so. cot a box of KraiiM'H Iionrlanlir.
Capsules of your Druggist. 'Joe.
Norman Lichty Mfg. Co., Dos Moines, la.
Ho approaches nearest to tho gods
who knows how to be silent oven
though ho knows ho is in tho right.
Guns, Traps, Decoys, Etc.
Lowest nrit'os. Write for Free catalog
No. 1. N. W. Hide & Fur Co., Minneapolis.
If a man occasionally tells a woman
how pretty she looks sho will forglvo
most of the other lies he tells her.
Lewis' Single Hinder Cigar lias n rich
taste. Your dealer or Lewis' Factory,
Try It and See.
Funny, Isn't it, but it makes all tho
difference in the world whether you
call a girl a vision or a sight.
Mrs. WIiihIow'h Soothing Svrtm.
for children tucthliiK, softens tlio gurna, reduced In-
nammiitloa, alluyo pain, curcn wind colli), use a ljottlo.
Our idea of a loafer is a man who
rests before ho gets tired.
This Is What
MRS. A. M. HAGERMANN
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
made from simple native roots mid herbs. For more than thirty years
It has been helping women to bo strong, regulating tho functions per
fectly and overcoming pain. It has also proved itself invaluable in pre
paring for child birth and tho Change of Life.
Mrs. A. M. Ilagormajin, of Hay Shore, L. I., writes : Dear Mrs.
l'mkham: "I suffered from a displacement, excessive and painful
functions so that I had to lie down or sit still most of tho time.
Lydia 15. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound has made mo a well woman so
that I am able to attend to my duties. 1 wish every suffering woman
would try Lydia 12. I'lnlcham's Vegetable Compound and sou what relief
it will give them."
Mrs. Pinkham's Standing Invitation to Women
Women oulTering from any form of female illness aro invited to wrlto
Mrs. Pinlcham, at Lynn, Mass. for advice Sho is tho Mrs. l'inlcham who
has been advising sick women free of charge for more than twenty
years, and before that she assisted her molher-ln-law Lydia 15. Pink
ham in advising. Therefore oho ia especially well qualified to guide
sick women back to health.
$3.00 & $3.50 SHOES
Wf-"?tr DLtrro c?rr rrwrr nv larnrtr -
MyA4!?,t daand$B Gold Bond
V . li. DoughiH stamps his nitmo ami prlco
und Inferior shoos. Tuho No Substitute.
llVJk onw&o run uvt.il i mcmuutf Ur3Koft V
VhiJ THE FAMILY. AT ALL PRI0E8. )
Douoiaa doom not ma ho sail
J?ASViffrl lmoro Man' a $3 A $3. BO ahooa
amwsvmcSB Kthan any oiltar manufacturer.
TIIH JtKASON W. L. Douglas shoes aro worn by more- pooplo
in all walks of llfo than any otlior niako, it because- of their
excellent Htylo, oaxy-llttlng, ami superior wearing qualities.
Tho selection of tliu leathers ami other matorlals for each part
of tho shoo, ami every detail of tlio making In looked after by
Bklllcil shoemakers, who receive- tho highest wages paid In tho
Bhoo Industry, and whoso workmanship cannot bo excelled.
Jf I could take you Into my largo factories at llroekton.Mass.,
nnd show you how carefully W.L. Douglas shoesaro inado, you
would thon imdurstand why thoy hold their shape, lit hotter,
wear humor and aro of creator valim than nnv other nmke.
tail (,cler Jiitlcti usca exdustvtlu. Catalog mailed free. W. 1. DOlKa.AS, Jli-ucktou. ;
For Rottlnir rlil
ol ami Hi-Mirny-I
li if II lt. It
I il (In evt'rv
thing. Ono lusts
tlio entile pcamui,
lit unit nud clean
or font Iit mail
tinMpnlil for 2"e.
lit) lit. Knlli Air.,
IIK001I.YN, H. T.
PlTATfciTPQ ' this papor do
ntutMJ LfJ siring to buy any-
" i " thing advertised in
its columns should insist upon having
what they ask lor, refusing all substi
tutes or imitations.
-Thlrd More Starch.
No premiumSf but onesihird
more starch than you get of
other brands. Try it now, for
hot or cold starching it has no
equal and will not stick to the iron.
from tho same physical disturbances,
and tho nature of their duties, In
many cases, quickly drift them into
tho horrors of all kinds of female
complaints, organic troubles, ulcera
tion, falling and displacements, or
perhaps Irregularity or suppression
causing- backache, nervousness, ir
ritability, and sleeplessness.
Women overywhero should re
member that tho medicine that holds
tho record for tho largest number of
actual cures of female ills la
Shoo cannot bo mquallad at anyprlam,
on tho bottom to protect you against high prices
Sold by tho best shoo dealers everywhere
Why Not You?
Only a few more ten acre plotHof mincrb frull
laiulH on the wcHturu iilopc of Colorado.
A apeclal all cuhIi Halo at WO per aero for $78
patented land with perpetual water Mock.
TitloH perfect. No charge for uno of water.
Othern arc getting JAW per acre, adjoining,
with trees planted. Why not you? The garden
spot. Income tfiMK) to t.r00 per acre. Famous,
for iiuiintlly and iuallty. Free pamphlet.
NATUR1TA CANAL & RESERVOIR CO.
825 Cooper Building DENVER, COLO.
10 ouacei to
other piarchos only l!i otincon unmo prlco auj
'DEFIANCE" 18 SUPERIOR QUALITY.
x,rul!lf Thompson's Eye Water
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