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WATERBURY EVENING DEMOCRAT, MONDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 1897.
JN CAP AND BELLS. feVltnowt Tuck the Humorous Woman ' Wtkn More Enemlei Than Friends. J" The funny woman per se is a pesti lence In the iand. Carelessly and . roguishly flue seeks only to mate the world laugh, Eends her merry shot and ihells here and there, and takes no note Df the wounded In the field. It is she Kho holds up our 'weaknesses to ridi cule, reveals our secret ambitions, and makes puns upon our most solemn ob servations. Now, a3 blessed -is humor Is and as things in the iUiiverse which are not lunny. Butjseems that there is noth ing1 good Enough or sacred enough to fe confirmed joker. Often it U a mere flippancy wearing- the genial rue humor, and for the accom- iment of a pitiful pun the highest purest themes are dragged down rand "turned to laughter and contempt." The funny woman, in spite of her rarely a social success. Unbridled wit and tact are inimical. The wag- who i3 bursting' with a mot will hardly ever repress it just to preserve harmony. Kow, when one'wants a dinner party to go off pleasanitly and smoothly one does Hot feel safe in inviting: a guest who may, in' a moment, of exuberant fun, create one ot those "awful pauses" so dreaded in society, or innocently en rage some eminent personage by a tell tng "home, shot." Genius for humor is like any other sort of genius you must take it as you find it, and it is a very diffi cult thing to confine in a straight jacket of conventionality. , , J." j The funny woman, is not usually a dinner in the game of hearts, though be may' succeed in affording her men friends excellent entertainment. The ideal girl that paragon of man's fancy is not Usually she who is prone to jpdns and who is likely to find a funny spot in the most sentimental situation. Ken may admire quickness of wit in the abstract, but they are no so apt to fall in Jove with'fc girl who is always mak ing1 ! "smart speeches." They are as disagreeably startled Jy sharp wit on the Hps of a pretty girl as though they bad found pepper in frelr ice cream. . Dear, funny woman "we -would not laugh always, near live perpetually in a shower of mental fireworks. Ever and again we pine to commune with the earnest, grave and jokeless friend with whom we may discuss some profound and solemn theme without being met by a fusillade of feeble puns and witti cisms. . We know you are very funny, but one's face aches with continual Smiling, and an exclusively funny diet Is about as sustaining as a ration of mere pepper and salt. Truly there is a lime to laugh, but it is not all the time. Carrie E. Garrett, in Woman's Haute Companion. . ADVANTAGES OF BARE FEET. Are the Children of the Time "Dresied to Dentil?" Visitors to Scotland used to be hor rified on seeing so many children run- -1 X 1 - f i. A "T -f less- common now than they were a generation ago, and perhaps the change, while showing a growing pros perity In the nation, is not altogether to -be recommended. Children' feet grow so fast that to keep them always properly shod is a matter that requires considerable care and seme expend I ture. ' It matters very little to a child's future well-being that at some period of its childhood the sleeves of a jacket hare been too short or thei skirt of a frock too scant; but the compressios of feet. in. boots too "tight, or, even (worse, too short, may be a cause of tor ment in future .years, Infinitely bet ter are bare feet than clumsy, heavy, ill shapen boots, in the winter the feet may indeed want some protection from cold and . wet, but during a great part of the year children may -safely and. bealthf ully go barefooted. Borne mothers, by no; means of the poorest class, are convinced that the comfort and symmetry of the feet in tnaturer years are largely to be gained by giving them freedom during the time of growth, i At a very fashionable marriage some time ago a child brides ton aid was seen silk-robed, but .shoe less. '- ; 1 'And if shoes are, undesirable, how touch more so are gloves? Except the thick woolen ones for winter warmth, gloves should be banished from a Ujild's wardrobe. Pall Mall Gazette. The Coming Mall. i Muffs came ia the exaggerated sizes fthis year, but the most popular muff: (will be of medium size. It will have (plenty of room for the hands, and room 5or a circulation of air, but it is not g grantic. Very large m.ufrs require a cer tain style in the wocao and the gowns to. which they form an ? -npaniment, r they are huge, ugly . istrositites. iManymuffs in fancy shapes will be wsed. 'They require good clothes. to carry them off; they are not pretty with lata gowns, for plain use. The green Velvet wrap previously mentioned, had, In addition to the hat, a pretty iittje (fancy muff of the velvet to go with it. -N. Y. "Times. t An Oriental Table 'Cloth. ! Cut a 35-inch, square from an old ifashioned broche shawl. The wrobg ide of the shawl will foe the right siue tof your table cover. Line the square With cashmere and crochet around the edge a chain consisting of four single crochet, thread over and fasten, then !f our more ' singles. . He peat entirejly around the square, and into each di vision of thi heading tie eight strands, each 12 inches long, of the t'waste em broidery silk" which is so extensively iadvertised and which generally comes tin yard lengths." When all the fringe Is Itied in, knot it once and trim the enJs a very little to make them even. .Ladies' !World. i j The court of appeals of New Yok (has held that it was no ground for. a (new trial because the jury in a murdfcr ase attended church on Sunday in ctis-lody-of the sheriff and heard a senrin GOOD FORTUNE CAME TOO LATE. A Klondike Miner Returns to Find His Wife Breathing Her Last. One of the saddest stories born of I events connected with the Klondike gold discoveries is that of John Albex Bon, of Nortonville, 12 miles west of Atchison, Kan. Mr. Alberson was a tar pen ter. In the Hall of 1894 the family consisted of husband, wife and two children. The two children died of scarlet fever in quick succession. Work became scarce in his neighborhood, and after providing as well as possible for the comfort of his wife, Mr. Alberson started west in search of employment. He finally reached Seattle in 1895 and from there drifted to the Klondike re gions. He wrote to his wife apprising her of has contemplated Alaskan jour- j ney. He bold her that it would possibly be a long time before she would hear from him again, but badte her be of good cheer, and, as he was in good health, hopeful and confident, predicted a happy reunion would eventually fol- , low their long, enforced separation. During the time Mr. Alberson was at Klondike he had but one opportunity to write to his wife. The letter, which told of his good health, notwithstand ing many hardships and privations, and of the fact that he was doing well and would have a competency by the spring of 1S97, when he would return home, was intrusted to a returning miner. The mineir met with, many obstacles on his homeward journey, and was de layed at many places, so that the letter was not. mailed until May of the pres ent year. It was a message of glad tidings and of great joy to the lonely! 'wife. During the husband's long ab sence she had a severe struggle and finally sickened.' EacOt not been ior kind neighbors, she would have become a public charge. John Alberson was among the first of the returning miners to reach San Fran cisco. There he speedily converted his go!4 dust and nuggets, about $12,000. into bank drafits and greenbacks, and purchased a ticket for the first east bound traim Just before he started on his homeward trip he telegraphed his Wife of his safe arrival at San Fran cisco, of his good health and good for tune, and that in atfew days they would bo reunited. At several stations he telegraph ed her of his progress toward home and wife. His . last message was from Topeka,only 40 miles from home. The dispatch 'read like this: "Will be home at supper. Kill the fatted calf." John Alberson reached the Norfcon ville depot just at the close of day. Without casting a glance at those upon the platform and without being recog nized in the "twilight by anyone, he hur ried down the street to his home. . He was met at the door by a neighbor wom an, who pointed to a bed within a room. There lay his wife, pale and wan and al ready within the shadow of - death. iTheir eyes met in mutual recognition for a moment. There was one brief embrace, and when John Alberson once inore lifted his head' and looked upon the face of his wife she was dead. Kan sas City Times. - , j- . TOLD IN A DREAM. i IA Traalc Episode In the Life of m Stranse Woman. 'Twas a clergyman who told us this story, after supper, as we sat on the j veranda: "A few years ago I was pas- ' tor of a chnrch in a Hudson River town. There was a queer family im my con- j gregation; one or two hal kUled killed themselves, arad they who were left wexe not like the good, bad and comtmoniplaoe people of the neighbor hood. One girl, or rather young wom an, interested me, fascinated me, and at the same time almost f righteneid me. Kind, generous, affectionate, she ' had the face of Mepbistopheles; in her face there was hardly a suggestion) of sex or humamty. I firmly believe she had the gift or curse of second' sight. Thea-e were too many instances of her power for me to remaini skeptical. "Her brother was taken sick; he had ,a carbuncle on his neck; he was very sick. His fatheir had dSed of the same trouble. Naturally the family was alarmed, and I spent muohi time with the poor fellow. One morning I called; the sister me me in the hall; she was nighly excited. 'Is he worse?' I asked. 'No, but I had such a. horrible dream last might. I thought I was in bed, awakened from sound sleep by a ring ing of the door belL I got up, put on. a wrapper, went to the door, opened it as far as the chaimwould go. For some reasoni or other, it was light in the street, and I saw clearly a man whom I had not seen before, but whose face I shall never forget, it was so ghastly. He said: 'Be quiet! be quiet 1 and hra shot me through the heart. I feel the pain now; it is terrible.' "I tried to soothe her. I told her she was hysterical and should not pay at tention to nightmare . The brother begait to mend. The doctor was en couraged. A week or ten days after -the woman told me her dream she came to see me. I said: 'Well, he is getting better, isn't he?' She burst out cry ing. 'You remember my dream. Yes terday I went into my brother's room, vrhich was preitty dark. It was the first time I had been there since he was taken sick; for I was too nervous to be of any help, and my sister is a better nturse, so I hiad not seem ham for some time. I knocked a book off the table, and raised the curtain1 to be able to get to the bed without stumbling. My brother, who had' been dozing, eaid rather sharply: 'Be quiet.! be quietl and I looked at him. His beard had grown. His face was drawn and ghast ly. It was the face I saw in'tny dream.' "Three days after this visit the broth er died." Boston Journal. 1 . All Chanced. "I don't hear Jones, prating any more about his great love for little children." "Jones has moved into a hoi'.w that has a vacant lot next dor,where the boys of the nighborhoVd play - ball daily." IiidlanjaDoUs Journal, j ' V: A TRIFLE CAUTIOUS. City Ha Could Get Ahead ol j A typical farmer from the interior,: Who .had evidently come to tne city to Bpend some of the. proceeds of one dol lar wheat, walked cautiously into one iof the better-class hotels, says the De- 1 trodt Free Presst One of the bell boys.: saw him weighted down with, a satchel and coat and umbrella and, as was his (custom, darted toward the door to take ,the visitor's burdens end pilot him' to the clerk's desk. He reached down to ; jgrasp the. .satchel. Quick as a flash the oid man's right arm shot out with, his ; lumbrella and juat as Mr. Bell Boy took ;hold of the sartehel the -umbrella came : jflown on his back with a Wihack. i "Take that, young fellow! " remarked; ' )the visitor. "You can't grab things iaway from me. I've heerd uv how yew jfellers work it. Grab a hand bag an (skip afore a man has a chance tew winlk. But I fooled ye this time, gosh, darn ye! j (Yew gic out o' here right quick." I The old man raised his umbrella again jth: reateningly and. the bell boy, much. ,disoomiflted, slid toward has seat, .while i the farmer once more cautiously ad vanced to the desk. The clerk reached jcrat warmly to grasp his prospective f guest s hand. But it didnU grasp. "Young man," eaid the old fellow, werw're a trifle previous, ain't ye? When I git Teddy tew. shake, I'll let ye know. fYew don't know inie, an' I d'on't know jyew, yet. Jest keep- tih&t paw ter yer feelf . There, now, gimme a quill an' IH ishow ye who I am." He got the quill and! registered, but jbell boys and clerks gave their guest ifull right of way in either direction. 'DISTANCE MERCURY REACHES. 'The Thermometer Bnlb . Contains 1 I Enongk to Stretch Miles. ' j While almost anyone knows about Ithe principles on which: ordinary ther- ! jmometers operate, there are a number of things about the little instrument which are; not generally known, and (which are of a great deal of interest, isays the Boston Transcript. One of the tmost peculiar of these is the question ;of the length, of tube which th e mercury Bn the bulb of an ordinary thermometer jwould fill if it were stretched out in a isingle column the size of that in the tabe. I 1 Most , people, when asked how long (this would be, would probably say from five to fifteen feet, while as a matter of ifact this column of mercury would in ian extremely delicate, instrument be fmiles in. langth. The reason of this is (that the column of mercury, while it appears quite largej( is really of almost (infinitesimal size. If the tube of ather jmometer is broken, one is at first at a jloss to see where the mercury goes in, " (but a close examination will disclose a fine line, much thinner than 4 hair, ; running across the end of the tube, 1 and this is one end of a little slit in ; jwhieh the mercury rises. As it has its I jflat side toward the eye, it appears to ; Hoe quite large, and the convexity of the (outside of the tube, through which it j lis seen, magnifies it, and gives it that jrounded appearance which is so decep- , jtive. The reason why the slit is made Iso small is to give the greatest ratio of Iresult for the expansion of the mercury in the Ibulb. WILD HORSES A NUISANCE. Animals Commit Considerable Dam. ' agp to Fences in Search of Water. . j Many Indian horses are being killed 'on the reservation by- barbed wire (fences, says the Spokane Spokesman iBeview. . The degenerate (horses, aban doned! by their Indian owners, have be come an acknowledged, nuisance upon the public ranges. They roam about in large herds and are as wild as antelopes. iTheir watering plapes 'have been fenced rap. and it is hard to divert them from 'the runways of a lifetime. IEach herd J lis led by a patriarch stallion, whoholds . h . i a I mis cramnaDQ miu a uiscipuiie iiiuu jwould be a credit to military tactics. !These herds range on the hills, far irom water, seeking the springs only ionce or twice a week. Their runs are 'sometimes as far as ten miles. The stal .lion drives the herd! to water, following 'in their flying wake and driving every straggling beast with, hoof and teeth, pushing them at 'a high rate of speedy much after the manner of buffaloes. Mad with thirst and blinded with dust, jthey rush into th e wire fences that cross fthe old trails, the leaders being driven with such force that throats are cut land legs are severed, but the fences go Idown and the herd proceeds over (plowed fields and growing crops. As a result the reservation is covered with dead and dying horses, every section re jporting the same 6cene and' allowing the victims to fare as best they may. City of Bio; Windmills. ' ) Amsterdam., the capital of the Nether lands, is situated at the confluence of Ithe River Amsfcel and the arm of the Zuyder Zee, called the Y (pronounced eye) . It is a forest of lofty windmills in the form of towers, steeples, pyra Imids, truncated cones and aerial erec tions, waving their enormous arms and Whirling above the roofs like a cloud of jmonster birds beating their wings over tthe city. It is computed that there are ino fewer than; 12,000 windtmills in Hol land, chiefly employed in pumping and 'draining. Many are of vast dimensions, 'each sail sometimes exceeding 60 feet tin. length, t '-.. J The Strongest Chain The greatest and strongest chain ever 1made has but recently left the Tipton Green iron works, England. It is in tended for crane work at Chatham wharf, and consists of oval links forged severally of 3ys-inch rods, each link be ing 20 inches long and 13 wide. Since there was no machinery available for testing a chain of such dimensions, the test was made by actual suspension of weight of 896,000 pounds from each link. ... , .. . . dASTO niA. ! n r. ! A RIGHT ROYAL ROBE. Made of Rnre Feathers for the Ruler of the Sandwich Islands. A million dollars seems a pretty round sum to pay for a cloak; and probably even Worth never dreamed of asking so fabulous a price for the most elaborate of his garments. And yet in the National museum at Washington i3 a cloak the cost of which cannot be 1-eckoned at less than this vast amount; and ladies may be pleased to learn that it was not a woman, but a man, who was guilty of such a piece of extrava gance. . Long years ago, when the Hawaiian islands, small as they are, supported not one 'but several flourishing king doms, the kings,' chiefs and nobles, whenever they appeared in public on state occasions, wore, instead of the purple and ermine of more civilized potentates, capes and cloaks of brilliant feathers. The ladies of the court were forced to content themselves with feather-boas, as we should call them, known as "leis." These capes and col lars j were made from the yellow, red and black feathers of a few species of small birds peculiar to the Sandwich islands, and called, from their habits, honey-suckers. Fashion ruled even in those days, and as the yellow feathers were scarcer than the red, yellow was the fashionable color; and the more powerful the chief the more yellow was his robe of state. These yellow feathers were found only on two or three species of birds, the finest coming from a bird called in the native language "mamo," and known as Drepanis pacifica by ornithologists. , These birds, with their striking black-and-yellow plumage, .were as dear to the hearts of the Hawaiian mon-. archs as they misht be to-day to the hearts of patriotic Princeton students, and were sought for , far and near throughout the islands. The populace paid poll-taxes in golden feathers in stead of golden dollars, and as. each bird furnished but a few feathers, the taxes may be considered aa having been high. . Some estimate of the value of the feathers may be formed from the prices paid in later times, when a piece of nankeen cloth valued at a dollar and a half was the equivalent of five f eatlh ers; but, after all, the great element in the cost of these cloaks was time and labor, since the making of a single cloak required from 50 to 100 years. As the feathers obtained for taxes were very far from supplying the de mand, the chiefs were accustomed to employ a regular staff of bird-catchers, much as a medieval baron had his staff of falconers. These skilled foresters prepared a sort of bird-lime from the gum of the fragrant "olapa,1" mixed with the juice of the breadfruit tree, and with it smeared the branches of the 'flowering trees frequented by the honey-suckers. Frederic A, Lucas, in St. Nicholas. EXPERT EXAGGERATION. Gift of Munchausen Rivaled ly Ro mantic Ladr Bllddlcton. The nobility easily takes rank among story tellers. Baron Monchausen, of course, stands first, with Sir John Fal Btaff a good second, and now comes Lady Middleton, a very good third. The noble lady has written for an English periodical publication an ac count of some remarkable discoveries bf lost property. In one case a valu able ring was lost. Years afterwards, when a floor was removed, the jewel was found wedged tightly around the beck of the skeleton of a mouse. The ring had fallen through a crack in the floor. The mouse, half-grown at the time, had thrust its head into it, had jthus- been caught, aid had grown until it was strangled. Another case: A gentleman shot and wounded a sand-piper, which, flutter ing across a pond, was seized and de voured by a pike. That afternoon the sportsman's brother, while fishing in the pond, caught a pike in whose stom ach was found the Identical sand-piper. Another case: A lady who was visit ing a relative lost a ring. Six years afier, while visiting the same person, then living in a far distant locality, she slipped her hand thoughtlessly into a recess of the chair she was sitting In and found the missing ring. "' Another case: A lady supped at a royal ball, and one of the golden spoons lodged, unknown to her, in one of the pockets formed by the plaits on the front of her dress. The following year, In presentation to the queen, she wore the same gown. As she bent in cour tesy in g the plait opened Rfid out fell the missing spoon at her sovereign's feet. N. Y. World. (Aristocrat and Democrat in France. It is difficult for Americans to under stand the march of political events in France, and their details, because they iose sight of the struggle between the Aristocrat and the democrat. One must have been a spectator of this struggle to comprehend Its effects. Many of those who still have monarchical be liefs will only admit that the great rural proprietors, or at most the great industrial magnates and the great bankers, can have the pretension to govern their country. The idea that a fawyer, a doctor, a journalist, has any tight to sit in the chamber or the sen ate seems to them absurd. And as for fhis lawyer, this doctor, this journalist being called upon, for instance, to re ceive the emperor of Russia in the name 6f France, that is what they absolute ly cannot awajr with! Baron Pierre de Coubertin,, in Century. " The World's Wheat Klnat. The wheat king of the world belongs to Argentina. He is an Italian emi grant named Giiazone, and his broad (acres are situated in the south of the province of Buenos Ayres. y His crop occupies an area of 60,270 acres. He 'numbers his workmen by the thou sand, and each one receives a certain jshare of the profits. When his sea json's crop is harvested he fills over 3.P00 Irailway trucks with grain. Chicago 'Chronicle'. . - - ' A CATASTROPHE AVERTED. The Cleric Was Jut About to Cavil a Policeman. They were two daintily dressed, chic girls, and they were evidently out for a giddy afternoon, says the New York Telegram. They strolled down Broad way into Herald square with the gay est of smiles on their faces and the sauciest of looks in their dancing eyes. They stopped at a drug store in which a mammoth frosty soda foumtain stands in all its glittering temptation, and soon became engrossed in two de licious, creamy, frothy mixtures. They chatted as they drank and slow ly ate the ice cream with the long-distance spoons with which each alluring glass is provided. At last the ice cream soda was finished, and the girls went laughing out into the street, when suddenly a look of consternation) overspread the face of one of them, and she exclaimed: s "Oh, Kitty!" - Then she rushed back into the drug store, and, laying holdof the edge of the counter, began to pull it. The other followed in amazement. The soda water manipulator and the drug clerks regarded the tugging young woman with astonishment, then fear. Still she pulled at the counter till it ap peared to be in imimiinenit danger of coming loose. At length, when the proprietor was thinking seriously of calling in a po liceman, something gave way and the young woman fell back with am excla mation of relief aifci popped something into her mouth. ' "Nell, whatever is the matter with you ?" asked her companion. , "Nothing," answered the other, in nocently. "I nearly forgot my chewing gum." KINSMEN IN THE SSNATE. White, of California, and Mallory, of Florida, First Cousins. If one man of a family gets to be sen ator he ought to be accounted1 fortunate. When two men of a family find seats in the senate together it is a remarkable event, and deserves recording, says the Washington Post. Stephen -Mallory White is a senator from California and Stephen Russell Mallory is a senator from Florida. There is more than a mere coincidence in the similarity of the names. The men are cousins. Senator Mallory's father and . Senator White's mother were brother and sister. It is a little curious , that the two senators should represen t states as far apart as it is pos sible for them to be one on the Atlan tic and the other on the Pacific coast. The grandfather of the two senators was one of the earliest settlers of Flor ida., while their .grandmother was a Spanish woman of fine stock, considerable-beauty and remarkable constitu tion, retaining to her old age all of her faculties. Much of Senator White's sturdiness comes from his grand mother. He was not bora in Florida, for. his father and mother crossed the plains in 1S50, attracted to California by the reports of newly-discovered gold. The senator was born in Sad Francisco in 1853. -The Mallorys, on the other hand, remained in Florida, and now the whirligig of time and the strange hap penings of politics reunite the families in the senate. REMEMBERED HER CHILDREN. Eloped Flftr Yeaxs Aaro, Bat Willed Property to Her Offspring-. During the gold excitement of '49 a young Irishman named Thomas Isogan settled in Calaveras county, Cal., with his wife. He became a miner and amassed considerable property before he died. His widow afterward married John C. Scribner, of San Andreas. He died a few years ago, says the New. York World, and left his property to his widow. The twice-widowed woman thus came into the possession of about $30,000. She died a few months ago. and left the bulk of her property to her "nieces and nephews" in Ireland, naming two men and two women. The lawyer appointed to administer (on the estate wrote to the addresses given, and learned that two of the four were dead, and the remalniig two had no knowledge of an aunt ia California or any other place. An investigation developed the fact that the supposed Mrs. Hogan was really Mrs. Biohard Barnes, and that she had left her hus band" and four children to elope with the young Irishman. She had kept the skeleton in her closet hidden for nearly 50 years, and even in death she tried to protect the secret by referring to her children as her nieces and nephews. Field Glaas Ransre Finder. An improved range finder for field glasseshasaflatdial plate, subdivided to correspond with the focus of the glasses, rigidly attached near the rear end of the adjusting screw; a fixed pointer se cured near the screw to the frame of the glasses, indicating the adjustment upon a dial. A email wheel upon the adjusting screw turns it so that it will readily focus the glasses- for various distances, and enabling the user to also estimate correctly the speed of advanc ing or withdrawing objects. Physical Power of Macars. It has been calculated that a very strong man exerting himself very vio lently cam for a few minutes work at a rate of one-fifth horse power, but the average combined output of 50 strong laboring men working for ten hours a day would not probably exceed one horse power. With this in view, it is no exaggeration to say that the power of Niagara exceeds the physical power which the whole human race is capable of exerting continuously. Weelc-EJad Holidays. Londoners cultivate what is called "week-end holidays." They comprise starting away with a grip on Friday to some congenial spot on the coast and remaining until the following Monday pr Tuesday. Evsry Englishman that 'can takes in addition, a three weeks' va cation every year. 4 . . '" ' : Sk. - -flli. da THE CAUSE EXPLAINED. " 1 . ssn.ssssssssu-as-msssnsasssB.nsss,sssssB-aus. '' ' Why So Many Regular Physicians Often TO CURE FEMALE COMPLAINTS. Hardly One Woman in a Thousand is Can- v did Even to Her Own Family Physician .Some Reasons Why Mrs. Pinkham's Success is Greater Than a Regular Prac- titioner's A woman is sick; some disease pecu liar to her sex is fast developing in her system. She goes to her family physi cian and tells him. a story, but not the story. She always -holds something back, loses her head, becomes agitated, forgets what she wanted to say, and finally conceals what she ought to have told, and thus completely mystifies the doctor. , . - ; , Is it any wonder, therefore, that the doctor fails to cure the disease? Still, we cannot blame women, for it is very embarrassing to detail some of the symptoms of her suffering even to her family physician. It was for this reason that years ago Mrs. Lydia E. Pinkham of Lynn, Mass. , a woman of great experience and ob servation, determined to step in and help her sex. Having had considerable experience in treating female ills with her wonderful Vegetable Compound, she encouraged the women of America to write to her for advice in regard to their complaints, and being a woman it was easy for her ailing sisters to pour into her ears every detail of their suf fering. In this way she was able to do for them what the physicians were unable to do, simply because she had the proper information to work upon, and from the little group of women who sought her advice years ago a great army of her fellow-beings are to-day constantly applying for advice and re lief, and the fact that more than one hundred thousand of them have been successfully treated by Mrs. Pinkham during the last year is indicative of the grand results which are produced by her unequalled experience and training AT LONESOMEHURST. 1 Hn Agent Flaar a. Train. Just to Have ' Some Conipany. f Not long ago a new station) agent was! appointed at One of tire small suburban; towns. The said town has tolerably fair street car accommodations. Hence the' local trains on the railroad do not stop' except upon signal. The agent, who is! not very bright, ''was H ully instructed: in his duties and given to understand1 that whenever he -had a passenger he was to flag the train. He attended to the duties of his office; in a proper way, but he seemed to have: an impression that everything was not right, inasmuch as he was doing no pas senger business for the road. He had: been in office three days and not a pas-! senger showed up to gladden his wearyj heart. , I On the evening of the third day he came to the conclusion that something must be done to make his job secure.' In his opinion, it would not do to have trains whistling by and he standing all the day idle.. BZe .would break the' monotony of the situation at all costs. As a local drew near, about the hour of dusk, he took his position on the plat-, form with a red lantern in his hand.' He waved it vigorously, and the train came to a standstill. The conductor alighted and looked up and down the platform, but no passenger was in sight.: There was no one but the agent, and he looked supremely happy, as the pas senger train had stopped. ; "Where's your passengers?" asked the conductor. . "There ain't none," said the agent. "What did you signal for?" "I just 'thought maybe you had some one to get off. " Anyhow, it's so dern lonesome here that if this corporation don't stop all trains at this station reg ularly I'm goin,' to throw up the job. I'd sooner be in a lighthouse. That would be lively. Ye kin go on now." Cincinnati Commercial-Tribune. j Lard is gross animal fat, seldom pure, always unhealthy. Cottolene is mainly refined vegetable oil always clean, pure, nutritious, whoie soma. For every purpose for which cooks were once compelled to use lard, Cottolene IS BEST and most economical. It improves It saves doctor's bills, yet any doctor to use it instead of lard. The genuine Cottolene is sold everywhere In one to ten pound yellow tins, with our trade-marks "Cottolene" and iteer'M head in eotton-plant wreath on every ln. Not guaranteed If sold la any other way. Made only by THE W. K. FA1RBASK COMPANY, Chicago. St. Louis. - If ew Tork. : Fail - No physician in the world has had ; such a training, or has such an amount , of information at hand to assist in the ' treatment of all kinds of female ills, ' from the simplest local irritation to the " most complicated diseases of the womb. ' This, therefore, is the reason why Mrs. Pinkham in her laboratory at Lynn, Mass., is able to do more f pr the ailing women of America than the family., physician who is in daily communica- tion with his patient. 'Any woman,-; therefore, is responsible for her own suffering who will not take the tronbla to write to Mrs. Pinkham for advice. The testimonials which we are eon- . stantly publishing from grateful . wo men establish beyond a doubt tha power of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegeta- v ble Compound to conquer female dis , eases. . - - A STANDING INVITATION. - . Women suffering from any form of fe male weakness are invited to promptly - ' communicate with Mrs. Pinkham n. . Lynn, Mass. ' All letters are received, opened, read and answered by women '' only. A woman can freely talk of her private illness to a woman; thus has been established the eternal confidence . between Mrs. Pinkham and the woman of America which - has -never been J---broken. Out of the vast volume of ex--; perience which she has to draw from it t is more than possible that she has -gained the very knowledge that will help your case. She asks nothing in return except your good will, and her advice has relieved thousands. Surely,, any woman,, rich or poor, is very f ool ish if she does not take advantage ci this generous offer of assistance. . : Stuffed Tomatoes. .' Stuffed tomatoes are excellent. v se lect as many large, firm, ripe tomatoes as' ' there are persons to be served, and out them in halves. Heat a little butter in a porcelain-line saucepan - and lay the tomatoes in it with the flesh side down. Let them fry two' or three .minutes. Make a stuffing of one 6mall shallot' ' chopped fine (a small white onion will do) ; one clove of garlic no more also minced; the yolks of two hard-boiled' eggs, a tablespoonful of equal parts of chopped chives, parsley and two salt,. : anchovies, freshened and chopped fine.' Mix all these ingredients thoroughly to-' ! gether, stirring in a tablespoonful of: . I butter; season with a little pepper and' salt if necessary. ; Lay the halves of fried tomato on a buttered tin, flesh or cooked side up, and cover each one of them with one-sixth of the amount of stuffing prepared. Dredge a few fin. . . bread crumbsand sprinkle a few dropa; of melted butter over each, and put them in a hot oven to bake ten or fifteen mln-r , ntes. Place them on a dry, hot platter) and serve. N. Y. Tribune. - , jj A Five Horned Sheen. . '. .1 In Maricopa county, Ariz., there ia si zoological freak. It is a five-horn edi sheep. While he was in Phoenix:' he created somewhat ot a Bensatfon, and) was the pet if not the lion of the honr Then he went down to Gila Bend and? covered himself with glory and bloddi by whipping the biggest bulldog tor Maricopa county. :' He is the property! of Jose Morilet, who told the people o Phoenix his freak pet cost him $200 ini . Mexican coin,, and that he brought hint from a hidden mountain fastness dowm near -the Chihuahua. Chicago Tribunes ' An Unknown. Ton sue- . Johnnys Pa, what does it mean, byl "unknown tongue?"' j Pa It is the tongue of a silent worn- an, my son. By the way, yon needn't . tell your mother I told you that BoH ton Transcript. v , , 1 food and health. will tell you Most .DTI