Newspaper Page Text
Whether Common or Not. , .
You may talk about tlio viands that , have,, mado .
Morn and night v ' ' '
1 can' name a bit 6' pastry that can beat 'em by
a mile. . .
Tongues o nightingales and finches may havo
cased his -appetite,
"' And beguile ' ''''
All the while
But ho misled a bit of eating that is 'simply out
o' sight. y " - .
Though he hired cooks a plenty yet ho never cast
e his eyo, r .. . -
Sad to say ' . .
In his day - '..'
On the juicy, golden filling of a square-cut,, puinp-.
When October's winds are blowing and the leaves
are whirling down,
Till the earth is mantled over with a carpet rich
and brown; "
Yellow pumpkins are awaiting, waiting far .adowft
. ' : tt, i... '
For the right manipulation gastrbmomlc fjoys t'6
yleld - - ' ., J' -If"
Then 'tis pare 'em, slice 'em', boil 'era, for' we -know"
' thai by and by" ' ' ""v "'vi ' i
'-'"' We will see' ' 1 - '- r
6, What glee! ' ' "r'!( v"'; .
Wives-' W" baking up a-plenty" of-the' 'square-cut'
" ' fumpkiri pie. - " :; htoo '
Men may spend their lives at, chasing, .aftervphan,--toms
of the brain, .
Bach a dream
' .t FiUtting -beam . lk ,. v ,?
Thinking , joy .alone consists of. winning power,.
;placo or gain. , ;x ..', ,
They may, travel here and yonder in the search
for joy supreme, ' . """. .-,'
t ' - But in vain r -.' '';
' ii' They attain ;..' '.;
Fof-'they missthe greatest pleasure in-'Difme 'Na- '.
:- ture's wondrous 'scheme OW :-: ,'
Howl pity men so foolish! What f or "gold or. fame
- ' vJ ' ' " '
I . 1 ' '
When my wife . - ; h' ' v v
""' " Bless her life ' , ., ' '" ,. '- ; '."
Has4 acquired the knack of baking juicy square-cut
pumpkin pie. '
men who oppose the men we elected to office are
anarchists, fenians, traitors and copperheads." "H
Vtf'! fi.'.. .. Managing Editor "What are you doing)
ni' i f . -j icinks?"-
Kinks "Writing an article -proving that tho
man who stole our honored mayor's dog last night
was egged oh by the vile attacks the opposition -papers
have made on his honor." " fJ
Managing Editor "Well, that's all -good' stuff,...
Hurry it up and we'll get out an extra."
Office Boy "Please, sir; what shall I do?" .
Managing Editor (after a thoughtful pause)
'Well, you might write a leading editorial calling -
Points About Pdople. v
attention to the cleanliness of our news and edi
torial columns, while I write an editorial denounc
ing the yellow press."
Bold and Bad.
There. was a young man in, Aurora . . ......
. Who loved a fair maiden named'Flora.
But the truth must be told .
. ' This Aurora youth bold
.""Loved also girls christened Ceora, Dora,.
Mora,. Calora, Jora, Katora and Nora.
Lushton Soakem "Shay, m' frien', c'n you
direc' me t Cherry street?"
.Officer Grady "Shure, sivln blocks straight
Lushton Soakem "Sheven blocks straight
ahead? 'Scuse me, offisher, but c'n you direct.. mo
t' shome osher street?" .
.t , riy Possessions.
Mrs. Lofty keeps a carriage.
? . v So do I.
, , She has no fine team to draw It, ...v"'.
- ' - Nor have I, ,
But.there still is quite a difference- "
-y . , I use mine my babe to wheel;; . ?;.
. Mrs. Lbfty's is a handsome ' r y
Storage battery 'mobile.
Mrs. Lofty 's rides are lonely
Mine are full of joy and gladness
On the way.
While she rides in chilly silence
j .(, Over sad and lonely miles,
;.. I am whistling merry music , t
Calling out my 'baby's smiles. ;
..Would I trade with Mrs. Lofty?"
;r Nay, not I.
S. She is rich in her possessions. .V.
So am I.
But for all her gold and treasure,
All her wide expanse of land,
I'd not give the waving welcome
Of my darling baby's hand.
Before and After.
"When my coal man left mo the last ton I
looked at it and made up my mind that he had
given me about 1,600 pounds."
"Did you weigh it to find out if he had cheated
' "No, I live in a flat and had to carry the coal
irpstairs. Before I got through I felt as if I owed
him the -price of about 4,000 pounds." '
Slight Difference. .
Smith "Hello, Jones! Say, old man, .did you
ever read that beautiful poem beginning, .'We; wait
beneath the furnace blast?'"
..Jones "No; but I've experienced the pijose'of '
waiting upon tho bhisted furnace."
A Popular Farce.'
Scene: Editorial rooms of the Daily Howler.
Time: Any old time.
v Dramatis Personao: Managing Editor, Politi
cal' Reporters; Special Writers, -Office -Boy.1
Managing Editor "Say, Binks; what are you
Binks "I'm writing up tho private life of the
ineasley, thieving, wife-beating, father-robbing
ghouls 'that the opposition has nominated for
Managing Editor "What are you doing,
Jinks "Making a cartoon showing that the
Less Vorocious. . , ,
These stoves they call "self-feoders'.':.
Must give way quite soon ' '
To stoves that all coal buyers .
Can feed with a spoon.
. Snaggsley "I see that Uncle Sam's latest coin
has a hole in the center." . ;' i s'
Waggsley "That's .not a latecoin. I've, been
getting that kind from the street car cpnduptbrs
for the- lost ten-years;
Cashier "What security can you offer for the
loan you ask?''
Willlcus "This postal from- my wife's father
saying ho has just" shipped us three bushels of
potatoes." Will M. Maupln.
Sir Thomas Lipton fs said to be a violin-player
of great skill. ... .-
The King of Portugal is an expert tennis
player and an enthusiastic yachtsman.
Dr. Carter, the retiring president of Williams
college, held the post for twenty yeats.
General Lord Roberts. has a strange antipathy
to cats. Ho is ill at ease when a feline is near
Richard Bell, M. Ci, was a railway guard be
fore entering the house. He represents 500,000
Dr. Edward Everett Hale, is promoting a
scheme to send modern agricultural implements to
The lato Judge Jeremiah Wilson was the au
thor of the present system of government for the '
The plan to erect a monument to the memory
of Sir Arthur Sullivan has been abandoned. The
contributions wero too small.
President Angell of the University of Michi
gan says $700 covered the -expense of his four,
years' course at Brown university.
Prof. Goldwin Smith has donated $10,000 to
Toronto university, stipulating that the money
shall be used for library purposes.,
. E. L. Masqueray, a native of France, but now
a citizen of New York, has been selected as chief
designer for the St. Louis exposition.
Jacob A. Wildner, living near New . Lisbon,
Wis., claims to be the last survivor of the fol
lowers of John Brown in his raid into Virginia.'
The mayor of Buenos Ayre's, South America,
has issued an order prohibiting any city employe
Who handles: 'public money ' from attending ' the
A bust of Dr. G. Armauer Hanson was re
cently unveiled in the garden of the museum of
Bergen. Dr. Hanson discovered the leprosy ba
cillus. Congressman Galusha A. Grow's chief pleas
ure is in superintending a little Sunday school of
about 100 pupils at Glenwood, Pa., near the Grow
Cccil Rhodes is preparing to erect a monument
to Major Allan Wilson and the twenty-four men
who were massacred by the Matabeles during the
war against Lobengula.
A monument is to be erected in Hartford,
Conn., to the memory of Cornelius S. Bushnell. He
advanced the money for the construction of thq
' first monitor.
Loomis Hoyt Holmes was bequeathed $6,000
on condition that he change his name to Louis
David Frisbie. He refused, and his wife says he
is right. "I married a Holmes, not a Frisbie,"
The shortest biography in "Who's Who in
America" was contributed by Governor McLean of
Connecticut. It reads: "McLean, George P., gov
ernor of Connecticut, 1901-03. Republican. Ad
dress, Hartford, Conn."
Gorman recognition of a French artist has
done much to allay the prejudice of the French
people. Camille Saint-Saens . has been made a
Knight of the German Order Pour le Merite for his
services to art through his contributions to musi
There is a minister living near Zumbrota,
Mich., who bears the name of Thing. He did not
like his 'family name and when grown he peti
tioned tiie court to change his name and the peti
tion was granted. Tho judge asked him what name
ho wanted and he replied that anything would
do. Thereupon the judge gave him the name of