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The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923, December 27, 1901, Image 6

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The Commoner.
Whether Common or Not.
The Handmaiden.
'It; seems t' mo our president," said
' " Uncle Sammie Jones,
' "Isl'good at coinin' phrases souridin'
''rt-J .svell;
B'ut somehow there's a jarrin' note a-
i.,runnin through his. tones
Which would indicate the trusts air
doiii' well.
This notion that we hear about, called
vrSeemssdoomed t'-dle a -mighty-stre.n--toy's
death; . - ....... . .,.
Th'- president -has said it 'with-'profound
.An' th' handmaid may as well pro
serve her breath.
: Th' pulin little infants- which air
needin' kindly care
T' enable 'em t' scoop th' larder
' clean,
Ain't filled with woe an' worry 'count
o' havin' t' prepare
F'r t' hustle, 'cause tliey know he
doesn't mean '. .. ,
That he's goin' t' swat 'em heavy; go
in' t' smite 'em hip an' thigh,
F'r he's mild as any suckin' dove,
, d'ye see?
This little handmaid bus'ness makes
'": your uncle wink his eye,
Fr th' trusts git all th' rec-i-pros-
. ,.nM - 1 .
Th' captains of our. industries air sniil
in' an' content, ,
An' pattin' of each other on'th'
They've got a fix-cd notion that they
know jus' what was meant
That th' president has hit th' back
ward track
Since he talked o' chainin' cunning, up
, at Min-ne-ap-o-lis
Onth,' day that labor makes its big
"parade; '
Ail' .they're sure that's what's denied
;' ' ''cm by their friends they'll never
So they'll give a welcome" t' th'
charmin' maid."
ling until it attracts the attention of
the whole world and secures us trade
for our horses from every land and
clime, he is entitled to protection, and
I am surprised at this popular clamor
against him. We are just beginning
to assume that commanding position
in the horse-raising world which we
believe will be more and more ours.
It is of the utmost importance that
this position be not jeopardized, espe
cially at avtime when the overflowing
.exutrance of -our horse dealers, .and
the skill, business energy and aptitude
for assimilation of other people's prop
erty moke imperative a wide field for
horse exchange.
"Again, my fellow citizens," contin
ued .the speaker, it cannot be too often
pointed out that to strike with ignor
ant violence at the interests of a set
of men who thrive by stealing horses
is calculated to work disastrously to
the horse market. I "
At this juncture the sheriff's patience
gave out. As he turned the key in ihe
cell door he said: "You can't work
the president's message on us. Wo
are as anxious as anybody to pro
mote the horse industry, but we'll be
blamed if we're goin' to pay for the
privilege of bein' horse raisers by pro
tecting hoss thieves."
All Right Schley
All right, Schley! We bank on George.
Guess we knows a thing 'or two.
He's tho fellow who was able
To sinl: a fleet and cut :a cable-1-
And so were you.
All right, Schley! . We know.who won
That big fight on July third.
'Twas not the men far, far away
In Yashington that glorious day
. Schley, you're a bird!
All right, Schley! George Dewey says
You're IT, and that suits mo.
Mouth warriors can go to grass
You and George are a separate class.
- You fight ships. See!!.
' Business Interests.
The sheriff had at great personal
risk arrested a horse thief and recov
ered the horse which had been stolen.
As he was entering the jail a strenuoiiB
gentleman pushed his way through the
crowd and thus addressed the officer
of the law and his deputies:
"Gentlemen, this, I believe is
quite, a country for horse raising,
I note that you carefully protect this
Industry, which is well. But I be
seech you not to go too far. This
man may be doing a great injustice
to the people by stealing horses, but
is there not danger that in punishing
him you do great damage to the horse
industry? There are two sides to tills
question. He doubtless is also en
gaged in the horse-raising industry,
and it is only fair that we use our ut
most efforts to protect these captains
of industry -from-prejudice', .and vio
lence. Certainly, If ho has developed
his industry of horse raising and rust-
"I see," remarked the Filipino, "that
the American congress purposes giving
the anarchists an island and allowing
them to run it to suit themselves. Pray,
what Is an anarchist?"
We endeavored to explain that an
anarchist is one who does not believo
in government or .the enforcement of
"Then, because an anarchist does
not believe in being governed by laws
made by congress or legislatures, he
is to be allowed to run an island of
his own?"
Once.more we endeavored to explain-
"And because a man is an anarchist
he is to be thrust outside the pale of
American control?"
We admitted that such was the idea.
But as we spoketl!o Filipino grabbed
a bomb and gaye a wild whoop.
"What are youvabout to ,do?'Vw.e
"I am oppo3ed to being -governed!"
shouted the Filipino. "I am going to
throw a few bombs and show my con
tempt for law."
"But you will not be an anarchist;
you will only be a rebel against con
stituted authority and therefore sub
ject to penalties in such cases made
and provided."
At this the Filipino quieted down
long enough to admit that it wouiil
take him several hundred years to un
derstand American institutions.
Thin Ice.
Willie one day, ' "j .
With his skates so nice
Went out to play
On the smooth, thin ice.
He "started off ....
Arid the thin ice poppeS- " "'
And this is the hole
rv Where Willie dropped: ;
. Brain Leaks
Happiness in the heart always shows
on the, face.
You enjoyed Christmas according
to what you gave.
Nothing propagates more rapidly
than the microbe of worry.
A man is in a bad way when he can
be happy only when he is miserable.
The happy laughter of a little-child
is the best reward a man can have for
doing good.
The trouble "with a great many
church members is that they are pre
paring for death.
Of course it is wrong to swear at a
plumber, but it is difficult to convince
some men of the fact.
There's something wrong about the
man who puts off making good resolu
tions until New Year's day.
Some men try to evade' responsibility
by denying the existence of a power to
which they are responsible.
Once More. ' ,
Now comes the man with airy mien
And -manner blithe and gay
Who never fails to leave ajar
The door he closed in May.
Holiday Echoes.
"I see that Rockefeller has given
another million to Chicago univer
sity," said the head mailer. "What"
"Yes," interrupted the subscription
clerk. "That reminds me. Why Is
"Like an old song? Because he sheds
the oil of gladness on Dr. Harper's
head. That's easy. Why"
"That's not. the answer. It's be
cause he gives his might. Wonder"
"The worst ever. What's the reason
Mr. Hanna pays no more attention to
"Give It up."
"Because it's only Foraker's. Ho
wants the earth."
"Perfectly atrocious. Why is Charles
Gates. Dawes like"
"A balloon? Becauso "
"No, like a man about to build a
house? Because he's got to figure with
a Mason. Now tell me why J. Pierpont
-Morgan "
But. dust -then tho clock struck and
the-forceraiide adivefor a' quick lunch
Will M. Maupln.
Let Me Tell You
'flow to Get Well.
Send no money; simply state 'the
book you want. " It will tell yotf..wh'at
I spent a lifetime in learning.
With the book I will send an order
on your druggist for six botth.s of Br
Shoop's Restorative; and he will let
you test it a month. If satisfied; the
cost is $5.50. If it fails, I will pay
your druggist myself. v?
I do just as I say. Over half a mil
lion people have secured my treat
ment in that way, and 30 out of each
40 have paid for it because they were
cured. Not a penny is accepted if It
. There are 39 chances in 40 that I can
cure you. No.Tnattor-howdifllcult your
'case. I .take-thecentirQ .riHr..fnv tlmc
'half -million cases have proved- what
my remedy can do.
My way is to strengthen the inside
nerves. I bring back the nerve power
which alone makes each vital organ
do its duty. No other remedy dees
that; and in mosi chronic .'diseases
there is no other way to get well.
Don't let doubt or prejudice kecip you
from asking about it.
Simply stato which
book you wnnt, nnd
nddress Dr. Shoop,
Box 515, Rucino, Wis.
Mill cm, not chronic, m cfltn cured bj ooc orUatoltlu. M ill imtu
Hope for the 5norer.
A French scientist has invented an
anti-snorlng apparatus. It is a "revolv
ing ventilator fixed in the window anti
operated by a spring. ..'.!', .,,:
Snoring, the . scientist says, is;i the
result of vitiated atmosphere,' Mich
is breathed through nose"' and. in outli,
both Leing required' to gk'ough
into the lungs to 'areate tlie !blood.
Then follows catarrh and then conns
the snore by reason of the vibration
of the dry palate between air from
nose and mouth. '"
Fresh air is admitted to the sleeping
room by the Frenchman's ventilator
in such a manner as not to create a
draft and not too fast to enable the
chill to be taken from it before it is
breathed into the lungs. ' ;'.'
Several months ago, the daily-psess
printed a story about the 'founder of
Morris Park, N. J. He was a mil
lionaire and had a beautiful home
with splendid grounds, His wife was
a splenJid type of womanhood'and he
seemed to be a man who should be
congratulated. B'ut he was not. ""
There was a small summer house
on his grounds. There was a bed
room in it. One day a friend iipon
making an early call on the million
aire, discovered that he slept in the
summer house. Then the skeleton
came from the closet. The million
aire admitted he snored so terribly
that to prevent his wife from getting a
divorce, he slept by himself'. He is
dead now, and probably his grief over
his affliction shortened his life. If
tho Frenchman's anti-snoring machine
is practicable, the inventor may be
come one of the world's benefactors.
St. Louis Chronicle. '
Mrs. Winslo-iv's Soothing Syrup.
Has beon used for over sixttj tears by milt
mons of jiotukxr for tboir CHir.DSlLN AVIULK
cukes -wind qoiiic, and. isttbe best remedy "lor
diaxkhou olilbyarfrKiU.iii:eT,i7 pan.nr
tbe-world. Be1 snre and ask for "Mra. Wlnalow'a
Soothing SyTup," and tak nootbtr klnd'.-Twen
ty-five cqU a bottle. It is tbo best of all.

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