"Vol. a, No. a8.
WHETHER COnnON OR NOT.
Whllo wo'ro giving our attention to
tho heroes of tills earth
And are boosting some to glory
Lot us, not contract tho Idea that the
. men of greatest worth
Aro tho men whoso deeds consist
' of great display.
.War produced somo mighty horoos
wlio have loft a deep Impress
And aro worshipped by tho mon of
But when talking of real heroes let
us honestly confess
Thoy'ro tho mon who Icoop on hust
ling all tho time.
Lot us not annox tho idea that a hero's
horn of war,
For tho greatest heroes novor fought
And the mon who did most fighting
as a rule you'll And thoy aro
' Fellows who wore very seldom in tho
No, tho very groatest heroes that tho
roll of history fills
Nover had their deeds or worth writ
up in rhymo.
Thoy'ro tho heroes of the workshops,
of tho farms and of tho mills
They're tho heroes that keep hust
ling all tho time.
You may talk of martial horoos till
tho toot of Gabriel's horn,
.And declaim about your warriors
till you're hoarse;
But they're not the greatest heroes
that into tho Avorld were born,
For compared with some their work
is very coarse.
Tho real heroes wear no tokens save
tho blisters on their hands;
Thoy'ro tho toilers that abound In
Thoy'ro tho very bono and sinow of all
times and of all lands
Are tho men who keep on huBtllns
all tho time.
Bostyn Beansbako, and rolling down
upon her marble chocks congealed and
fell to tho floor with a plunk like that
wo hear whon tho iceman leaves a
25-cont chunk on tho back porch In
For several momonta tho silence was
unbroken save by tho steady plunk,
plunk or tho frappod tears hitting tho
' Finally Miss Bostyn Beansbako dried
her optics and remarked:
"Well, my dear Mr. Brownbread,
there aro worse things constantly
evolving worse things than inoculat
ing frail human forms with tho dread
ed microbes of disease. I will be
bravo, Mr. Brownbread. You may pro
coed to place your lips In juxtaposition
to mino, and microbes may get in
their devastating work if they will. At
,least wo will depart this life happy."
A moment later pater familas was
arousod from a doze by a sound as
of a tired cow hurriedly romoving hor
hoof from a very deep and sticky mud-hole.
' Violated the Code.
Everett "Wrest "Why was Woman
Weery expelled from tho Ancient Or
der at Sons of Slumber?"
Will Knottoyle "He was detected
In the act of working off a gold brick
on an unsophisticated guy."
These Perilous Microbe Days.
"Mr. Brownbread," remarked Miss
Bostyn Beansbako, speaking in trap
ped tones, "I am truly delighted to
greet you this evening, but before you
perform the customary osculatory
greeting as becometh my fiance, permit
me to propound few Interrogations."
"What is it, Miss Beansbako?" quer
ied Mr. Brownbread In tremolo tones,
hastily stowing a clovo In his mouth
and striving to still tho pulsations of
his throbbing heart.
"Mr. Brownbread, before Inaugurat
ing your pilgrimage trom your custo
mary domicile did you think to an
noint your lips with a well-recomr
mended anti-septic solution?" '
"I did, beloved."
"Did you" and a steely glitter
glinted in the optics of tho haughty
Boston maiden "did you properly
sterilize your breath after imbibing
the ultimato decoction?"
v With a slow murmur of horror Mr.
Beaconhill Backbay Brownbread stag
gered to a seat. "Alas, I allowed that
duty to escape from my mental per
ception," ho moaned.
Tears gathered in' tho eyes-of Miss
With one accord tho minions clust
ered more closely about the form 01
their chief and listened intontly.
"I'vo got a plan that has worked
elsowhoro, and it'll work hero if wo
do it right."
"Make your spiel, chief' whispered
one of the minions.
"It's this. We've got to go into
"Aw, how's that goln' t' help?"
queried a minion that did not think
"Listen, men. We'll- go into politics
by givin' big sums to campaign funds.
When our side wins we'll insist on
one of our number beln' appointed to
prosecute the rest of us, an' they can't
turn us down, 'cause we elected 'em.
See? Then our f oiler will ignore tho
criminal statoots an' confine his ef
forts to havin' us injuncted from goin'
on with, our business. See?"
With wild huzzas tho minions gath
ered their chief upon their shoulders
and danced gaily up and down their
A Rhyme of Woe.
There was a young lady in Me.
Who had love of tho stage on the bn.
But she found not a placo
For tho reason her face
Was so awfully, horridly pn.
Why They Escaped.
. "Hollow, Blinks; hear you were
visited by burglars last night!"
"Yep. Thoy climbed In a back win
dow and took every cent wo had, to
gether with all my wife's jewelry and
"Did they awaken you?"
"Yes. Heard 'em getting In at the
"Didn't you try to stop them?'
"Yes. Slipped out the back door
and over to Judge Thingumbob's to
get an injunction against them, but
they were gone when I got back with
A Great Scheme. '
The bandit chief had been in a
thoughtful mood for several days, and
his minions walked on tiptoo so that
he might not bo disturbed. Finally
a glad light shone in his eyes.
"Men, come hither!" he exclaimed.
"Men, I have conceived a great idea.
For many weary yeard we were unmo
lested, but finally a sheriff appeared
who seemed to think that he wns
elected to enforce the laws, and a
whippersnapper lawyer elected prose
cuting attorney had tho same fool no
tion. You know what happened.
Thimblerig Jake Is sorvmg ten years.
Gold Brick Phil is up for fifteen. Long
Knife Scotty jumped through a hole
in a platform at tho request of the
sheriff, an' wo'vo been dodging over
since." ' '
"That's what," murmured the min
ions. "Mon, we must do something."
"Hurrah!" they shrieked.
"Yes, wo must do something; and
I've got It all planned out." '
"Do you think Lyman is a truthful
"Well, I think Lyman would be a
good man to act as censor at Manila."
The Modern Annanlag,
Standing on the river's brink
A tiny minnow greets his eyes
At home he makes the neighbors think
Ho lost a bass six pounds in size.
Wraggsby "I see the Daily Whoop
er is running short sketches of the
fathers of great men'
Jaggsby "That so? What issue did
you see my father's sketch, in?"
"Sir!" exclaimed Senator Grabball,
"I have never used my vote for the
purpose of Influencing the speculative
We accepted the senator's emphatic
denial, but after thinking about it
for a short while we were startled to
see what a great difference a trifling
rearrangement of his words would
The Pressing: Question.
'Tis not of Cuba wo would speak,
Nor is it annexation.
The thing we would consider Is
By far a worse vexation.
The time has come to think about
A larger, vaster question
What can w do to circumscribe
The ice chest's great digestion?
Is a considerate husband or his wlfa
a masterful woman.
Fathers who buy good books seldom
have to search the police court foe
It does not take a boy long to de
cido which his father loves best, tho
con or the horso.
Some peoplo contribute to charity
like a street car conductor collects a
fare with the ringing or a bell.
Husbands who expect to, get to
heaven on the piety of their wives
are go'ing to be sadly disappointed.
Some men possess minds too much
like slates the good impressions are
easily erased, but the scratches remain
Many peoplo pursue a wrong course
knowingly, and when trouble "cornea
because of it excuse themselves by
saying, "It is destiny:?'
The man who would depend upon a
trust beneficiary to demolish the trusts
is just the kind of man to set a fox
to guarding his poultry.
A baby's smiling face at the window
is a better welcome home thanvall tho
bric-a-brac, paintings, tapestry and
statuary ever manufactured.
When you compare a miner's hovel
with an operator's mansion you have
to admit that one is getting too littla
for his wage or the other too much for
Our modern philanthropists should
bear in mind that history does not re
cord the name of the poor widow who
gave a mite, yet she will be remem
bered long after the names of , mod
era philanthropists, have been, forgot
ten. ' -!.
Will M. Maupin. '
Undisputed fiction soon becomes
True benevolence has no signal Tjell
Honest victories are not won by
People who have no sons are always
chock full of advice about how to
When wo see a man who, always
wipes his feet before entering the
house wo always wonder whether ha
A Democratic Comment.
The Quincy Journal is one of Hhe
Illinois papers which can neither bo
hoodwinked nor terrified by -the reor
ganizing element. Speaking of the ac-
tion of Don M. Dickinson in suggest-
ing Roosevelt for president in 1904
and Choate in 1908, it says:
Don Dickingson is one of the demo
crats that we have got to "harmonize"
with. Don is just as good a democrat
as Cleveland, who promoted him, or.
Lamont, or Whitney, or Hill, or Olney
Why not call B;on home and ask him
what kind of a platform he wants to
pufup for 1904? If we don't do this
Don will bolt again as he did in 1895
and 1900 and vote with the republicans.
These bolters must be satisfied some
way and about the best way to satis
fy them is to put them in charge of
tho party and toll themto write the
platform for 1904. And when they do
this they will poll about as many
votes as Palmer and Buckner did in
Damage, and that onTy, can come td
the democratic party by- jockeying
with these bolters of 1896 and 1900, It
is a great mistake to put them In tho
ieau 01 me party again, lor wnen tney
can't run it their way they will try to
wreck it. They have done this in the
past, and thoy will do it again in the
future without compensation. In dick
ering with such men as these, the dem
ocratic party is selling Itself, soul and
body, and nothing but defeat and dis
aster Will come to it through such a
course.' - ' .
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