Dakota farmers' leader., August 20, 1915, Image 3

About Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??

Image provided by: Minnesota Historical Society; Saint Paul, MN

                
Diese Abteilung ist für die
Familienglieder, welche am
liebsten Deutsch lesen.
Vom SchaWlatze
des europäischen
Völler Krieges
Ein Jahr Krieg und die
Lage in Deutschland,
Die wirtschaftliche und finanzielle
Lage Deutschlands während des er
sten Kriegsjahres ist folgende:
Erstens: Der britische Aus
hungerungSkrieg war ein vollstän
diger Fehlschlag. Ein für allemal
ist der Beweis dafür erbracht wor
den, daß unsere einheimische Pro
duktion von Lebensmitteln, das
Brotkartensystem und die Maximal
preise selbst dem Aermsten den nö
tigen Bedarf von Nahrungsmitteln
sichern und zwar zu Preisen, die nie
driger sind, als in Großbritannien.
Zweitens: Auch in Rohmate
rialien können wir nicht „ausge
hungert" werden. Die Schwierig
keiten, die in direktem Widerspruch
zu den Bestimmungen des Völker
rechts uns bei der Einfuhr von Roh
material in den Weg gelegt werden,
find zwar unangenehm, können aber
für uns nicht verhängnisvoll werden.
Wir haben in unserem eigenen Lande
einen genügenden Vorrat der wich
tigsten Rohmaterialien Kohlen
und Eisen und von anderen haben
wir, sowohl von solchen, die noch nicht
in der Fabrikation verwertet, als auch
solcher, die verwertet worden sind,
große Vorräte, die bei der durch un
tere Organisationsmethode gesicherten
sparsamen Benutzung tatsächlich uner
schöpflich sind.
Drittens: Das Gespenst der
Arbeitslosigkeit ist gebannt. Es gibt
mehr Arbeit als Arbeiter. Der
Krieg hat sich als größerer Arbeitge
ber Erwiesen, als unser Ausfuhrhan
del war.
Viertens: So weit die Finan
zen in Betracht kommen wird Deutsch
land imstande fein, den Krieg auf tin
beschränkteZeit weiter zu führen. Wir
produzieren in unserem eigenen San
de tatsächlich alles, was für Kriegs
zwecke nötig ist. Ausgaben für
Kriegszwecke werden somit Ersparnis
sc, und diese stehen dem Reich zur
Verfügung, da Zahlungen fürKriegs
anlcihen und Einlagen viel lebhafter
in die Banken und Spareinlagen
Institute fließen, als in FriedenSzei
ten.
Nachdem über $3,000 000,000
für Kriegsanleihen ausbezahlt sind,
ist die Gesamteinlage noch höher als
bei Ausbruch des Krieges. Tie
Goldreserve der Reichsbank hat sich
feit Beginn des Krieges beinahe tier
doppelt. Noten und Einlagen in der
Neichsbank, die durch Gold gedeckt
find, find 331/2 Prozent im Vergleich
mit 26.7 in der Bank von Frankreich
und 21.7 in der Bank von England.
Fünftens: Das Vertrauen des
deutschen Volkes auf unsere, finan
zielle Stärke ist ebenso unbegrenzt
wie fein Vertrauen auf unsere mili
tärische Ueberlegenheit. Nach zwölf
Kriegsmonaten stehen kaiserliche Kon
fols immer noch mit 70 quotiert, nur
8 Punkte niedriger als im März
1914 der Minimalpreis für briti
sche Konfols, 65, ist 11 Punkte unter
den März Quotierungen Zprozen
tige französische Renten zu 69 stehen
19 Prozent unter März 1914.
Arbeit, Geschicklichkeit, Disziplin,
Organisation, Sparsamkeit und end
lich nicht zum mindesten der alles be
zwingendePatriotismus hat die Deut
schen in dem ersten Kriegsjahr gegen
eine Welt von Feinden aufrecht erhal
ten und wird auch weiter helfen, so
daß wir in dem Kriege siegreich blei
ben werden."
Bei ihrem Rückblick auf das erste
Kriegsjahr beuten die deutschen Zei
tungen mit besonderem Nachdruck da
rauf hin, daß das Gebiet der Zen
tralmächte außer je einem kleinen
Streifen in Elsaß und in Galizien
vom Feinde völlig frei ist, während
deutsche Truppen im Westen ein Ge
biet von 53,000 Quadratkilometern
einschließlich Belgien und den reich
sten Teil Frankreichs, besetzt halten.
Außer diesem Gebiet halten deut
sche und österreichisch ungarische
Truppen im Osten ein Gebiet von
Über 160,000 Quadratkilometern be
setzt. Zu diesem Gebiet gehören die
ganzen russischen Bezirke von Kur
land, Rotono, Suwalki, Lomscha,
Plock, fialicz, Piotrkow, Radom und
Kielce wie große Teile der Bezirke
Warschau und Lublin. Das gesamte
eroberte Gebiet ist doppelt so groß
wie der Flächeninhalt des König
reichs Bayern.
Rekruten für da« britische Heer.
Im San FranciScoer Gebäude der
A. Tl. £. A., das für die Angehöri
gen unserer Armee und unserer Ma
rine bestimmt ist, haben die Briten
Rekruten für ihr Heer angeworben,
und nach den bisher erlangten Be
weisen haben sie für diesen Zweck
$100,000 ausgegeben. Amerika lie
fert also den Engländern nicht mir
Kanonen und die dazu gehörige Mu
nition. sondern unter den Augen von
Beamten der A M. C. S. auch noch
das Kanonenfutter.
Mangel an Organisationstalent.
Die ilngeheurlichkeit der East
land Katastrophe und die Ungeschick
lichkeit, mit der man hinterher bei
den Arbeiten zur Bergung der un
glücklichen Opfer zu Werke ging, las
sen bei dum unbefangenen Beobach
ter den dringenden Wunsch aufstei
gen, daß das amerikanische Volk, vor
allem die zu feiner Regierung beru
fenen Faktoren sich etwas vom viel
geschmähten deutschen Militarismus
der gleichbedeutend mit dem Höchst
maß an ßeiftngsfähigkeit ist, aneig
nen möchten. Wer die allge
meine Hilf» und Kopflosigkeit
unserer Behörden angesichts der
plötzlichen Katastrophe mitange»
sehen hat, der mußte sich über
den zu Tage tretenden krassen Man
gel an Organisationstalent über alle
Maßen wundern. Wie die Ameisen
liefen da alle, die in dieser oder je
ner Weise helfen wollten, durchein
ander an Hilfsbereitschaft fehlte eS
sicherlich nicht, wohl aber an Kennt
nis der Mittel, die zum Ziele führ
ten. Kostbare Zeit, in der vielleicht
manches Menschenleben noch dem naf
sen Grabe hätte entrissen werden
können, ging verloren, bis endlich
ein gewisses System in die Arbeit
gebracht wurde.
Selbst dann war aber noch lange
nicht alles so, wie es hätte fein sollen.
Einer hinderte den anderen, keiner
wußte etwas vom anderen. Die Po
lizei erwies sich der ihr so unver
mutet gestellten Aufgabe anfänglich
nicht gewachsen, und das liebe Pub
likum that das Seinige. den Her
mandadjüngern die Arbeit nach
Kräften zu erschweren. Man sollte
e5 nicht für möglich halten, daß in
einer Millionenstadt wie Chicago
noch zwei Stunden nach der Kata
strophe die Abfperrungsmaßregeln
nicht vollständig durchgeführt wa
ren, daß den ganzen Tag hindurch
Leichenräuber in voller Tätigkeit
waren, nicht bloß in den improvisier
ten UnterkunftSräuinen für die da
hingemordeten Opfer, sondern sogar
auf dem Unglücksfchiffe selbst, daß
man zwar Pullmotoren herbeige
schafft hatte, um WiederbelebungS
versuche art den aus dem Wasser ge
zogenen menschlichen Körpern vorzu
nehmen, aber nicht genug Leute zur
Hand hatte, die sie zu bedienen ver
standen. Alles das deutet auf hoch
gradigen Mangel an Organisations
talent, wie ihn man hierzulande nicht
erwarten sollte.
Serbien muß büßen.
Serbien leidet fußchtbar unter den
Folgen des Krieges, das erhellt aus
den Berichten der amerikanischen
Aerzte und Wärterinnen, die im
Dienste des Roten Kreuzes in dem
unglücklichen Lande die Krankenpfle
ge ausüben. Was sie nicht sagen, ist,
daß gewissenlose Hetzer dieses Elend
über Serbien gebracht haben, das sich
für Rußland opfert, wie Belgien für
Frankreich und England.
Der serbische Politiker Professor
Povic. bekannt durch feine mannigfa
chen Anstrengungen, in Serbien eine
Partei zu gründen, die für eine gün
stige Lösung einer österreichisch-serbi
schen Verständigung zu arbeiten ge
habt hätte, beschreibt in dem jetzt in
London erscheinenden Blatte „Jnde
vendance Beige" die kritische Lage, in
welcher sich die genannten beiden
Länder nunmehr befänden: „Ich ha
be stets den Standpunkt vertreten,
sagt it. a. Povic, „daß Serbien eine
Verständigung mit Oesterreich suchen
müsse, es wollte nicht, und heute
büßt es seine Fehler so auch Belgien:
es hat nun seine Neutralität für im
merwährende Zeiten verloren und
die anderen nur haben den Gewinn
daraus gezogen. Wie die Entschei
dung auch ausfallen möge, Belgien
wird seine Macht, die nur im Werte
seiner Neutralität gelegen hatte, nim
mermehr erreichen."
Die New Jorker „Sun" wendet
sich voller Groll gegen die „ausländi
schen Agitatoren", welche behaupten,
daß das Darlehen an Kanada im Be
trage von 45 Millionen Dollars der
Finanzierung desKrieges der Alliier,
ten dient. Wie die „Sun" es dar
stellt, soll damit lediglich und allein
der Außenhandel gefördert werden,
welchem Zweck bereits 800 Millionen
Dollars von unserem Gelbe zuge
wandt worden find. Worin besteht
dieser Außenhandel? In Kriegsvor
räten. DaS ist doch nichts andere*
als eine Finanzierung der Alliierten,
Was sich daraus ergeben muß, ist de«
„Sun" vollauf bekannt, aber fie tier
schweigt es. Das flüssige Geld, daZ
wir haben, wird unseren Banken ent«
zogen, um es in Bonds der Alliierte»
anzulegen, und der „Sun" ist fidjeri
Itch bewußt, daß wir das Geld noch
nicht in zwanzig Jahren zurückerlan
gen werden und daraus eine GÄdnot
in diesem Lande entstehen muß.
General Joffre arbeitet bereits
wieder an dem großen neuen Pia?
der neuen großen Offensive.
Wenn bis Alliierten weiter
hüben, wird England sich
noch neutra! ettiote». \n\n below:
•Brule
Net loss
w'
POPMIOI OF SOUTH DAKOTA DECREASES
n-o £lerrer~*i0Vth Dakota's population as shown by the third official census is
oi.,üds, which ie a loss of 4,350 persons since the lflO census was taken. It will
£ur°ra 6.736
geadle
16,061
Kennet 1,475
Hon Homme ."
.. 11^560
Brookings 15)554
Marshall 8,328
Meade
8,724
Mellette 3,427
Miner
8,007
Minnehaha 37,613
Moody 8,666
Pennington 10,0*0
Perkins 7,641
Potter
3,648
Roberts 15,261
Sanborn 7,377
Spink 14,977
Stanley 2,251
Sulley
2,004
Tripp 10,106
Turner 14,636
Union 11,436
Walworth 5,919
Yankton 14,851
Ziebach 2,571
Todd
2,403
Pine Ridge 6,315
SEED CORN SITUATION IS SERI
OUS SAYS STATE COLLEGE
AGRONOMIST.
OTHER ITEMS OF INTEREST
From the Capital City, the Various
State Institutions and from
Many Different Parts of
the Sunshine State.
Western Newspaper Union Newa Service.
Brookings.—"It is the duty of South
Dakota to herself to pick and store her
own seed corn—and to pick it early,"
says Dr. A. N. Hume, agronomist at
State college. Concerning the present
seed corn situation he says:
"At the date of this writing, it is
well along in August and it is hot in
the sun and in the shade. Old 80I is
apparently doing at least something to
make up for lost time, and, in fact, he
had better be about it, for he lost a
good deal in the early part of the sea
son. There is now before us but a
short time in August—and if per
chance we have no frost before the
10th of September that will still leave
us only about three weeks for corn to
grow. We may have more than that
—who can tHl—we may have less, but
it is a reasonable prediction that we
are more than tvo-thirds through *it'i
the growing season for this year.
"A communication
from
Dakota to herself to pick and store her
own seed corn."
Flyer Circles Capitol.
Pierre.—The dome of the South Da
kota state capitol was circled for the
first time by a flying machine, when
Andrea Houpert, with his monoplane,
drove from his starting point at the
Fort Pierre old settlers' picnic straight
across the Missouri to the capitol.
Praises State Fair.
Brookings.—"The farmers of South
Dakota, as well as all others interest
ed in state development, should be
proud of our state fair," says Ellwood
C. Perisho, president of the State col
lege at Brookings. "I know from first
hand information that all the officers
and the agricultural fcoard are putting
forth every effort possible to make the
1915 fair the greatest one ever held in
the state. It is diffcutt to overestimate
the real value of such an institution to
the stock growers, crop producers and
implement dealers.™
Kelleter Files Report.
Deadwood.—In the annual report of
Supervisor Kelleter of the Black Hills
national forest, he shows that 18,000,
000 board feet of timber, valued at
$48,600, were sold during the year
ending June 30. In addition, 127 sales,
involving over 1,000,000 feet of timber
for domestic use, were made to set
tlers for 1800, at 75 cents per 1,000
feet, the actual cost, while 767 free use
permits were issued for wood and
1915 Census. 1910 Census.
5,969
6.376
Buffalo i'««5
Butte
5,894
Campbell 4.SS6
Charles Mix 14,790
Clark 10,670
Clay
9.206
Codi/igton 15,192
Corson 3,272
Custer 3,452
Davison 13,041
Day
13,709
Deuel
8,529
Dewey 1,933
Douglas 6,639
Edmunds 6,840
Fall River 6,027
Faulk
5,265
Grant 10,330
Gregory 11,887
Haakon »3,532
Hamlin 7,767
Hand
7,286
Hanson 6,316
Harding 4,821
Hughes 5,055
Hutchinson 13,095
Hyde
2,685
Jackson *2,077
Jerauld 5,275
Kingsbury 11,914
1-ake
11,846
Lawrence 17,710
Lincoln 13,564
Lyman 7,001
McCook 10,013
McPherson 6,831
Gain.
593
295
1,37:1
499
1.37G
132
6.143
U,,96
11,061
14,178
25.S67
6,451
1,589
4.953
5,244
14,8^9
10,901
8,711
14.092
2,929
4,458
11,625
14,372
7,768
1,145
6,400
7,654
7,763
6,716
10,303
13,061
12,319
3,307
579,538
683,888
•The net loss in the region forming Stanley county, Haakon and Jackson coun
ties, was 7,115.
one of our
neighboring states calls the situation
'serious.' One thing is rure for the
present year, the annual seed corn cru
sade should not be considered an emp
ty form. We need not be downcast in
order to be forehanded. South Dako
ta must be wide-awake to the seed
corn situation. If percha^je the sea
son is short, let that be an extra in
centive for picking and storing seed
corn early. If our season proves late
and all the corn ripens, pick the best
and the most mature ears for se^d
not later than September 10th. And/
if they do not all ripen before that
date, pick the best ones for seed any
•how. even if they shrink a little.
I "Remember the experience of older
flyears, pick seed corn early and cure
jit in a dry place. It is a duty of South
Kellar Succeeds Hanten.
75
86
901
356
109
231
SAY!
495
1,100
243
99«
1,416
563
761
7sä
239
814
1,636
1,451
173
1,224
•3,532
292
7,475
7,870
6,237
4,228
6,271
684
79
593
774
776
•2.077
155
5,120
12,660
10.711
19,694
12.712
10,848
9,589
6,791
8,021
12,640
1,700
7,661
29,m
8,695
12,453
11,348
4.466
14,897
6.607
15,981
*14,975
2,462
8,323
13,840
10,676
6.488
13,1X5
544
2,164
6,607
622
646
1.154
S52
1,984
3-,847
4 2 4
40
307
3,916
1,727
346
7.9S2
29
2,413
3,707
818
364
670
1,044
•12,724
458
1,783
796
760
469
1,616
2,027
239
4,350
Sioux Falls Has 20,929.
Sioux Falls.—The census figures for
Minnehaha county give them a total
population of 37,613, a gain of 7,982, or
26.9 per cent. The city of Sioux Falls,
with 20,929, shows 6,865 of this In
crease. The county has 4,548 children
under 6 years, and 10,191 of school
age. It has .12,448 voters and 9,612
men of military age. The negro popu
lation numbers 43. The unmarried
population over 18 years of age is 5,
039 male and 2,916 female. There are
20,843 persons with common school
education 2,612 high school, 228 nor
mal, 832 college training, 312 college
graduates, and 252 illiterates. The
home owners number 6,492. Of those
of foreign birth, 303 are from Canada,
303 Denmark, 2,721 England, 1,055 Ger
many, 2,310 Norway, 872 Sweden. The
Brown county returns show a popula
tion of 25,969, aq increase of 102, or
0.4 per cent in the five years. The
city of Aberdeen has a population of
11,846, an increase of 1,093. The coun
ty has 3,480 children under 6 years of
age, and 7,393 of school age. It has
8,083 voters and 6,549 men of military
age. The unmarried population over
18 years is 3,363 mile and 2,059 fe
male. There are 2,090 persons with
common school education, 333 normal,
256 college training, 225 college grad
uates, 117 illiterates. The home owca
ers number 5,345. Of the leading for
eign born population, 320 are from
Canada, 1,009 Germany, 522 Norway,
790 Russia, 246 Sweden.
Death of Clark Coates.
Sioux Falls.—Clark G. Coates, a well
known South Dakota pioneer, was for
many years one at the best known
horsemen of the state and northwest.
Coates' race track in this city was
established by him and named in his
honor, and during the days when horse
racing was more in vogue than during
the present time, was the center of
racing in this section of the north
west. He was born in Trumbull coun
ty, O., March 14, 1844, and came to
Sioux Falls City, as it was then
known, in July, 1869, securing employ
ment with C. K. Howard, a famous
pioneer business man. The next win
ter he took charge of Howard's branch
store at Flandreau, returning to Sioux
Falls in March, 1870, on foot, wading
through water waist deep in some
places. In May of that year he went
to Kalamazoo, Mich., where he was
united in marriage to Miss Ella Pie^
son. Himself and bride returned to
Sioux Falls, and during the following
winter kept house in the old barracks,
which had been erected as a protection
against the then warlike Indians. The
following spring Mr. Cöates erected
one of the first frame Buildings to be
erected in the new city. For many
years he farmed and became a large
and wealthy land owner. He served
in many positions of trust in the city
and county, ani in 1889 was a member
of the state constitutional convention
from Minnehaha county. His wife died
less than a year ago.
Pierre.—Announcement has been
made by the supreme court that an or
der has been signed by the court nam
ing Chatnbers Kellar of Lead, to act
as one of the referees from the state
bar association, in the disbarment pro
ceedings against George W. Egan of
Sioux Falls. The appointment of Mr.
Kellar follows the action of the court
in excusing John B. Hanten of Water
town from acting as one of the ref
erees.
building material, amounting to over
2,500,000 feet and valued at
$4,300.
Forage demand is increasing, and
showed 334 permits for grazing 1,200
horses and 9,000 head of cattle, an in
crease of 17 per cent in the number of
stock. There were 102 permits for
special uses, 92 of which were for
tracts for agricultural use, cabins, etc.,
Involving over 3,000 acres, and 50 ap
plications for homesteads within the
forest were made, listing 3,609 acres,
a decrease of 40 per cent over last
year, due to the fact that most desir
able lpnd is taken up.
ir*
Did you ever sit around in
the Pullman Car and study a few
paragraphs from the world's most fa
mous text book—human nature?
Go after it the first chance you get
—you'll learn at lot.
For instance, during a trip recently
on one of Mr. Pullman's
sleep-wagons
I soon learned that the brisk and
breezy crew in the seats around me
were commercial travelers, and they
were fanning each other with fairy
tales about the goods they sold.
I learned that the one who looked
like a human apple was affectionately
known as Slim because he's so fat
that every time he turns around he
meets himself coming back.
And it wasn't hard to learn that
the tall one with the sandy hair was
Nick Dalrymple, who goes after the
orders for a hardware house in
Columbus and knows everybody in
the world—bar one family living in
Yonkers.
Then there was Tod Gilpin, who
cuts ice for a match factory in New
ark, and he's the life of a small party.
Tod's main hold is to creep into
ithe "reading room" of a Rube hotel
after the chores are done of an eve
ning and throw salve at the come-ons.
Tod tells them that their town is the
brightest spot on the map, and they
warm up to him and want to buy him
sarsaparilla and root beer. Then
when he gets them stuck on them
selves he sells them matches.
Presently I learned that the party
with the mauve forehead and the
magenta mustache was Mutt Daw
son—the most reckless spendthrift
with his words and the meanest man
to the English language I ever
listened to.
The Dream Builders' Association
was in full session when Wedge Mur
ray caromed over and weighed-in with
the party.
Wedge is a saucy little party, five
foot four, with three foot shoulders.
He thinks he strikes twelve on all
occasions, but his timepiece is an
hour slow.
I learned that Wedge sells canned
shirt waists for the Shine Brothers,
and if he's ever let into the firm it
will be as a brother.
Wedge is one of those goose-headed
ginks who scratch gravel and start
in to make a killing every time they
see a pretty girl.
Across the aisle sat two pet ca-
Millie was fully aware that she
could back Duse off the map, and
Tillie was ready to bet a week's sal
ary that she could make Bernhardt
feel like she was out in the storm we
had day before yesterday.
Tod called them the Roast-Beef Sis
ters, Rare and Well-done.
In a minute the castors on Wedge's
neck began to turn.
Nick put the others wise with a
wink, so they lit the fire and began
to cook it up.
Wedge's heart was warming for the
birds in the gilded cage.
"Nothing into it!" said Slim. "It's
a plain case of Appomattox. The war
is over and they are yours, Wedge!"
Wedge turned a few more volts into
his twinkling lamps.
"Lower your mainsail. Wedge, and
drop alongside you've made the
landing," suggested Nick.
Wedge began to feel his necktie
and play patty-cake with the little
bald spot on the top of his head.
"Stop the hansom and get out
you're at your corner," said Tod.
The Sweet Dreams across the way
were giving Wedge the glorious eye
roll, and he felt that dinner was
ready.
"Hang up your hat, Wedge, and
gather the myrtle with Mary?" Slim
chipped in.
Then Wedge bounced over and be
gan to show Millie and Tillle what a
handsome brute he was at close quar
ters.
He sat on the arm of the seat and
steamed up.
In less than a minute he crowded
thA information on them that he was
a httllionalre who had escaped from
LOB Angeles, California, and he was
just going to put them both in grand
opera, when Slim toddled over to
him and said: "Next stop Erie! You
told Sne to remind you to send that
DAKOTA FARMERS LEADER.
ELN6 LIFE
with
JOHN HENRY
CeorgeV Hobart
John Henry on Human Nature
telegram to your wife In Logansport."
Curtain.
Of course the fact that Wedge didn't
have a wife in Logansport or else
where made no difference. He couldn't
prove an alibi, so he faded out into
the day coach and became as one
who isn't.
The Roast-Beef Sisters seemed to
be all carved up about something or
other.
While these more or less grin-pro
ducing incidents were occurring there
was ever present in my own noodle
the grim reality that bedtime was ap
proaching and I had drawn an upper
berth.
Say! I'll be one of a party of six
to go before Congress and tell all I
know about an upper berth.
The upper berth in a sleeping car
is the same relation to comfort that
a carpet tack is to a bare foot.
As a place to tie up a small bundle
of sleep a boilefr factory has it beat
to a whimper.
Strong men weep every time the
ticket agent says, "Nothing left but
an upper," and lovely women have
hysterics and begin to make faces
at the general public when the colored
porter points up in the air and says,
"Madam, your eagle's nest is ready
far up the mountainside."
While the porter was cooking up
my attack of insomnia I went out in
the smoking room to drown my sor
row, but I found such a bunch of sor
row killers out there ahead of me that
I had to hold the comb and brush in
my lap and sit up on the towel rack
while I took a little smoke.
Did you ever notice on your trav
els that peculiar hog on the train who
pays two dollars for a berth and al
ways displaces eight dollars' worth
of space in the smoking car?
If he would bite the end of a piece
of rope and light up occasionally he
wouldn't be so bad, but nix on the
smoke for him.
He simply sits there with a face like
a fish and keeps George Nicotine
and all the real rag burners from en
joying a smoke.
If ever a statue is needed of the pa
triot Buttinski I would suggest a
model in the person of the smokeless
smoker who always travels in the
smoking car.
Two busy gazabes were discussing
politics when I squeezed into the
smoker on this particular occasion.
"The Moment I Put My Weight on It my Stepplng-Stone Gave Way."
naries from Plainfield, New Jersey.
They were members of the Soubrette
Stinging Society, and they were en
route to the West to join the "Bunch
of Birds Burlesque Company."
Their names were Millie and Tillle,
and they wore Feather Duster hats,
and did a sister act that contained
more bad grammar than an East Side
pinochle game.
and I judge they both had lower
berths otherwise their minds would
have been busy with dark and per
sonal fears of the future.
"Well," exclaimed the gabby one
from Kansas City, "what is politics?
Well, what is it?"
"Politics," replied Wise Willie from
Providence, "politics is where we get
it—sometimes in the bank, sometimes
in the neck!"
Everybody present peeled the cover
off a loud laugh and the smokeless
hog at the window stole four inches
extra space so that he could shake
more when he giggled.
"Well." resumed the inquisitive per
son from Kansas City, "what is a poll
tician? Do you know? Eh, well,
what is a politician?"
"A politician," replied the fat man
from Providence, "a politician is the
reason we have so much politics."
Much applause left the hands of
those present, and the smokeless hog
turned sideways so that he could
make the others more uncomfortable.
"Perhaps," insinuated gabby Jim
from Kansas City, "perhaps you know
what a statesman is, eh?"
"A statesman is a politician in good
luck," was the comeback from our
fat friend from Providence, and in
the enthusiasm which followed the
smokeless hog found out there was no
buffet car on the train, so he offered
to buy the drinks.
"Don't you believe that all men are
born equal?" inquired the Kansas City
ite.
"Yes, but some of 'them have pull
enough to get over it." responded the
Providence philosopher whereupon
the smokeless hog W the window
took out a flask and began to dampen
his conscience.
Just then the towel rack fell with
a crash, and after I picked up the
comb and brush and myself I decided
to retire to my bracket on the wall
and try to sleep.
When I left the smoker the smoke
less hog was occupying two and a
half seats and was now busy breath
ing in some second-hand cigarette
smoke which nobody seemed to care
for.
"How do I reach my Alpine bunga
low?" I said to the porter, whereupon
he laughed teethfully and hit me on
the shins with a stepladder.
The spectacular gent who occupied
the star chamber beneath my garret
was sleeping as noisily as possible,
and when I started up the stepladder
he began to render Mendelssohn's
obbligato for the trombone in the key
of G.
Above the roar of the train from
away off in lower No. 2 faintly I could
hear an answering bugle call.
I climbed up prepared for the worst
and in the twinkling of an eye the
porter removed the stepladder and
there I was, sitting on the perilous
edge of my pantry shelf with nothing
to comfort me save the exhaust of a
professional enorer.
After about five minutes devoted to
a parade of all my sins, I began to
try to extract my personality from my
coat, but when I pushed my arm up
in the air to get the sleeve loose my
knuckle struck the hardwood finish
and I fell backward on the cast-iron
pillows, breathing hoarsely like a
busy jackrabblt.
I waited about ten minutes while
my brain was bobbing back and forth
with the excitement of running fifty
miles an hour over a careless part of
the country, and then I cautiously
tried to approach my shoe laces.
Say! It you're a man and you
weigh in the neighborhood of 200
pounds, most of which is in the re
"Their Names Were Millie and Tillle."
gion of the equator, you will appre
ciate what it means to lie on your
back in an upper berth and try to get
your shoes off.
And this goes double for the man
who weighs more than 200 pounds.
Every time I reached for my feet
to get my shoes off I bumped my
head off so I decided that in order
to keep my head on I had better keep
my shops on also.
Then I tried to divorce my suspend
ers from my shoulders but just as I
got the suspenders half way over my
head I struck my crazy bone on the
rafters, and there I was, suspendered
between heaven and earth, but pray
ing with all my heart for a bottle of
arnica.
Finally I decided to sleep as na
ture made me, with all my clothes on,
including my rubbers.
So I stretched out, but Just then the
train struck a curve and I went up in
the air till the ceiling hit me, and
then I bounced over to the edge of
the precipice and hung there, trem
bling on the verge.
Below me all was dark and gloomy,
and only by the hoarse groans of the
snorers could I tell that the Pullman
company was still making money.
Luck was with me, however, for Just
then the train struck an. in-shoot
curve which pushed me to the wall,
and I bumped my head so completely
that I fell asleep.
When I woke up a small package
of daylight was peeping into the car,
so I decided to descend from my cup
board shelf at once.
I'peeped out through the aluminum
curtains, but there was no sign of
the colored porter and the stepladder
was invisible to the naked eye.
The car was peaceful now, with the
exception of a gent in lower No. 4,
who had a strangle hold on a Bee
thoven sonata and was beating the
cadenze out of it.
I made a short prayer and conclud
ed to fall out, but Just then one of my
feet rested on something solid so I
put both feet on it and began to step
down.
Alas, however, the moment I put
my weight on it my stepping stone
gave way and I fell overboard with a
splash.
"How dare you put your feet on my
head?" yelled the man on the ground
noor of my bedroom.
"Excuse me. It felt like something
wooden," I whispered, while I dashed
madly for the smoker.
From that day to this I have never
been able to look a Pullman car in the
face, and whenever anybody mentions
an upper berth to me I lose my pres
ence of mind and get peevish.
If you have ever been there your
self I know you dont blame me!
Do you?
Dynamiting Moles.
It has recently been discovered that
dynamite can be used as an effective
and convenient means of getting rid of
moles, ground mice and other small
destructive animals which burrow into
the ground and destroy the roots of
plants.
An inch or two of a 40 per cent dyna
mite stick can be wrapped in paper or
cloth and provided with a fuse but no
detonator. A charge of this kind
should be stuck down into each bur
row and some loose dirt packed around
the fuse after it is lighted. No explo
sion will result from the dynamite
when used in this way. It will burn
slowly, filling the hole with poisonous
gases which will kill the animals. This
method has recently been put into ef
fect upon a large California raneh. The
moles, which frequently ruin the ap
pearance of a city terrace, can also be
conquered by this method at the
trifling cost of two cents for each hole.
Caddy Is Doomed.
The doom of the caddy is read In
the invention of D. and K. Roberts of
Grantham, England. They have vat
ented an adjustable golf stick, with
interchangeable heads, so that It will
be necessary for the player to carry
only the stick and as many heads as
he wishes to use. Even the number
of heads is cut down by having two
striking faces on each, either of
which may be used.
'T
7
Canada's „Außenhandel".
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