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Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, September 03, 1896, Image 3

Image and text provided by South Dakota State Historical Society – State Archives

Persistent link: https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn2001063133/1896-09-03/ed-1/seq-3/

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CLEVELAND
AM)
LI
FORMAL MEETING liETWEEN THE
DISI1XQCI8HEI PKRSJ3AUE&
l*Ue Chineatc Anilinssndor Is Driven
to Ex-Secretary AVliitiiej Reiki
detiee, Where He In Introduced to
Mr. Cleveland—The President iind I
Ambassador Slutk llunih and
.. Make Furnml Addre.sgeM.
When the speech was ended the am
bassador turned to one of his suite and
received from hint a package wrapped
in silk, which, when opened, was seen
to lie a huge sheet of parchment, with
gilt and gold seals. It was Earl Li's
letter of credentials, and was given
to the president, who turned it. over
to Secretary Olney.
B'rosiii I'll I Clrvclnnd's Ilonly.
The president in reply to Li Hung
Cluing said:
"Your excellency, it gives me great,
pleasure to receive from your hand the
personal letter from your august, sov
ereign and 1 greet you as his personal
representative. Since our two coun
tries became belter acquainted many
At. ihe conclusion of his speech the
president presented to Earl Li the
members of his cabinet and others
present and a general conversation
his excellency spent the rest of the day
Shortly after the reception President
Cleveland started for Buzzard's Bay
on the yacht Sapphire.
Tull Com.
Mitchell, S. D.. Sept. 1.—A car load
of farm productions gathered by the
Corn Belt Real Estate association,
*ras shipped to St. Paul to be put on
exhibition during the G. A. R. en
campment- The exhibition includes
the finest varieties of corn, wheat,
oats, apples, peaches and other fruit.
The exhibit will probably be shown at
tlie Minnesota State fair. Some of the
CQ^U stand* nearly fifteen tcet high,
•tt'tllle the other productions are the
best raised within the corn belt dis
trict
L:,Oor
New York, Sept. 1.—The nieeling be
Lween President Cleveland and Li
Hung Chang was a formal one and
Lasted but a few -minutes. Secretary
Dlney accompanied Earl Li from the
hotel to Secretary Whitney's residence.
The ball room, in which t"e president
received the Chinese ambassador, was
decorated with American and Chinese
flags. When Earl Li entered he
aeemod to recognize President Cleve- the city. It is now estimated that
'and at once, and kept his eyes upon I jver 4,DUO persons were killed. Stam
Hiin as lie advanced. Secretary Ol
noy fonually presented the distin
guished visitor to the president. Tlic:
tatter bowed and extended his hand,
which was grasped by Earl Li, who
then began his address, saying:
"Your Excellency: It aifords me
great pleasure to have the honor to be
presented to your excellency. The
reputation of your highly esteemed
virtues is widely known throughout
'.In world, and in you the citizens of
the Cnited States ol' America have
invariably placed their confidence.
Consequently, both the interior admin
istration and the exterior relations of
this great republic are in a state of
prosperity. It will always be the de
sire of my august master, tlie emperor
of China, to maintain the most cordial
relations with America, whose trieml- hours after the insane attack on the
i.y assistance rendered to the govern
ment of China, after the Chino Japan
use war, and whose care tor the safe
ty of the Chinese inhabitants of
America are always to be highly ap
preciated. I am now specially ap
pointed by my master, the emperor of
China, to present to your excellency
the assurances of his most friendly
feelings toward the United States of
America, in the hope that your ex
cellency will reciprocate his senti
ments and co-operate with liiin to pro
nfote the friendly intercourse between
our two eouniries for the cause of
human kind. 1 trust ih.u yo, excel
lency's government will continue to
afford protection and kind treatment
to the Chinese immigrants in America,
and to render friendly assistance to
the Chinese government wlijn re
quired. May the people ol' our two na
tions enjoy the benefits of perpetual
peace."
incidents have occurred calculated to
increase our friendly relations, and j-om personal observation that 1 have
the least gratifying of these are -c-nie across any act of wanton cruelty
not
the friendly- expressions contained in
the letter 'of your emperor and the
visit, to our country of his most, dis
tinguished subject, who has lieei so
honorably and prominently connected
with public affairs in his own country
and with till that has be»n attempted
In the direction of its advancement
and improvement. Your visit to us at
this time made more impressive by
the thought, that it serves to join in
one the most ancient: civilization of
the East and 1 lie best, type of a new
civilization in the Western world.
Notwithstanding the widely different
characteristics of the two countries,
tlie welcome which is tendered you by
the government and citizens of the
United States illustrates fh the strong
est. possible manner the kinship of na
tions. We feel that in the arrange
ment of your tour you have not al
lotted to 'your sojourn among us suf
ficient time to gain an adequate ob
servation of all we have accomplished
as a. nation. It will not. however, es
cape your notice that a rich ami fer
tile domain has here been quickly cre
ated by those who were assured that
they wouul reap where tliey Tiad
sown that a strong and beneficent
government has been here established
by those who loved freedom, and tTiat
we have a generous and patriotic peo
ple who love their government because
it is theirs—controlled by them, admin
istered for them, and protected and
saved from haVm by them. We heart
ily wish that your stay with us may aient In consequence of this attack
be most pleasant, and that at its close by the Insurgents was with difficulty
you may enjoy a safe and agreeable
return to your home and your field of
duty and usefulness
LI Hung Chang was later the. guest
of honor at a banquet, in the Waldorf
given by former United States minis
ters to China. At the table he barely
nlbbiud the delicate dishes set before
him and would not touch the wines.
This was noticed by his hosts, and In
a few moments chop souoy and chop
BL IM \V UH'kUCilvo v,~
sticks were placed before him and he the manager of the company, who has
ate witli a relish. Toasts to the hon- been threatened with imprisonment,
ored guests, to the president, to the ifeks. for the piesence of English wai
ored guests
emperor of China and others were
drunk
r.I0T3.
iver Fonr Thousand People Killed
i» the jiitHs in ConNt4intfRui»le.
London, Sept. l.—A dispatch to the
Daily .\')'\vs lron. Constantinople gives
•l personal interview with Frank
Parker. whe was left in the place of
Sir Edgar Vincent: as a hostage during
the negotiations between the Armeni
an leaders in the Ottoman bank raid
tud the Turkish officials. The dispatch
says Mr. Frank Barker stated that
the invaders told him that they intend
ed to seize the Credit Loynnnalse of
ice and expi3e a bomb there. It
was part of their pi:ui to raid the Voi
voida police station at the same time.
The bombs wore to be exploded at
the police station simultaneously ,vith
ihe attack upon the Credit Lyonnaise.
However, the men detailed for the at
tack on the Credit Lyonnaise at Con
?tantinople of Turks had nothing to
Jo with the killing of the Armenians.
l'he mobs consisted entirely of the
lowest classes of Constantinople and
its suburl* Lazzaroni, the Kurds and
tie men who work along the wharves
boul has been covered with revolution
iry placards, evidently posted by the
Koung Turkey party.
A dispatch to the Times from Con
stantinople say's that the joint note of
:he ambassadors of the powers asking
the sublime porte to suppress the dis
orders in Constantinople without delay
tailing to have the desired effect, the
representatives of the powers dis
patched a joint telegram warning the
sultan that he endangered the Turk
ish empire by suffering the eontinu
mce of anarchy by the connivance of
ihe imperial troops and the police.
Neither the members of the diplomatic
.•ircles nor rational observers doubt
:hat an armed mob of Turks had been
previously organized l'or possible riots,
It was noticed that less than two
into-man har.k by the Armenians the
uiob that tilled the streets at Galaia
overspread the whole city and Turks
in parlies ftom lit) to 150 strong, ap
parently well organized and acting in
•oneert, crossed in lighters from Stam
uoul.
In commenting upon the rapidity
with whi eli tlie mob overspread Con
stautinople after the attack upou the
Jttomou bank the Constantinople cor
respondent of the Loudon Times says
that all of the mischief could not have
seen done without organization and
without connivance el' the authorities.
SS'AMAIUJS 1'IHM.
I'ltey Are Determined to Hold Cub»,
He^inlless of Cost.
Mexico City, Sept. 1.—Charles Ack
ers. the London Times correspondent
in Cuba, has just arrived, and in an
interview with the Mexican Herald,
says:
"Gen. Weyier is an extremely able
attieer, perhaps the aides man for the
position to he found in a I! Spain. The
martial law established by the Span
iards in Cuba since 1'ne outbreak of
:he insurrection is absolutely the same
is the martial law anywhere. It is
iertainl.v impossible to predict when .if
sow this devastating struggle-will ter
mini to. The Spanish government is
-iinnly determined to use every possible
resoiirse in order.to maintain its hold
)n tiie island. You may consider it as
j'ood as settled thai, tine Spanish gov
ernment will spare no sacritice toward
retaining its sovereignty."
in regard to the accounts of Span
sit atrocities lie says: "1 cannot state
.utiictei] by the Spaniards on Cubans,
:ut of course this is war. aud Span
ards cannot afford to be led by false
.nformation or any other covert: or
'•pen sympathy with Culm lis. Nutur
illy there have been gross exaggora
ions made by both sides. From my
jorsenal observation 1 can say tliat
he weight of evidence seems to be
igainst Cubans, as it is a well known
"act that they hang and shoot suspects
:s well as inoffensive people freely,
mil do not hesitate about it. This is
lie time of heavy rain falls in Cuba,
md much cannot be done in a military
ivay."
THIS CI IS A* W.Vll.
Insiir^cuis Fire Into Simnisli Mili
titry Hospital
Havana, Sept. 1. Guerrillas from
Vergor, Spain, connected with the
Lusitania division, overtook recently
it. Luisa, the bands of Castillo aud
Banderas. After sharp fighting the
nsurgenis were dislodged from the
Tenches. They left four dead on the
ield behind them as they retreated
ivitli their wounded. Seven of the
troops are said to have been wounded
the engagement. Insurgents lurk
ing in the outskirts of San Antonio do
Los Banos, province of Havana, re
?ently fired iuto tlie Spanish military
hospital occupied by yellow fever pa
tients. A temporary panic resulted
among the patients and the excite-
suppressed.
followed for a short time. When it billty of a federation among the brotli
was ended Earl LI and his suite were arhoods. The result of the meeting
escorted back to the Waldorf, where tvas the adoption of the following res
olution: "That it is the sense of the
members of the five brotherhoods of
railroad organizations in union meet
ing at Indianapolis asaem'bled, that we
ire in favor of federation and that it
be accomplished as soon as possible."
FciteraUon of Broiliprliooils.
Indianapolis, Sept. 1.--A meeting of
the representatives of the different
railroad brotherhoods was held in this
city to-day to consider the advisa-
RnmpuH In Si»!il.
Colon. Colombia. Sept. 1.—As a con
sequence of the serious aspect, of the
jonfllct between the Carthagena Rail
oad company and the government.
ships. All traffic will probably be sus
pended.
Stevens Nominated.
Taylors FalR Minn.. Sept. 1.—1The
Fourth district Republican convention
I nominated Senator F. (7. Stevens ot
St Paul for congress by acclamation.
I The platform indorsed the St. Louts
platform and nominees and commend
?d the congressional career ct Col.
Kiefer.
1 The Catholic clergy of the Minnesota
Slocese presented J. .1. Hill a token o:
5railtiido for his gift of So(M).ooi) to
prect aud to endow tlie diocesan s.-ia
mary.
CHEKS12-MAK l.Vti.
fuf Kelntion in Milk CnmpartMl
With Clieesc l'rotluetlon.
During tlie last 'our or live jears svo
have found out certain new ideas in
tlie relation and richness of milk to the
production of ctitcse. "Anything flint
was milk was good enough to make
cheese." was the claim of many manu
facturers.
Following are the conclusions of the
Ontario Experiment station on this
.natter:
First—That tlie milk is not valuable
for cheese-making in proportion to its
weight or volume, as KM* pounds of 'A
per cent milk will make about one and
a half pounds less cheese than HM
pounds of -t per cent milk.
Second-That whole milk does not
produce cheese exactly in proportion
to the butter fat contained in it as one
pound of fat in milk testing an average
of per cent, produced 2.7S pounds
of cured cheese while one pound of fat
in milk testing an average of 4.1' per
cent, produced an average of 2 ..'l!
pounds of cured cheese.
Third—That the yield of cheese is
fairly uniform in proportion to the fat
and casein contained in tlie milk, when
tlie latter is represented by adding 'J to
thi percentage of fat. This method
gives rcsti'ts sligl.lly lower than the
actual yield of cli -ese. for milk testing
under r.'_T per cent of fat, aud slightly
above the actual yi* id. for milks test
ing over this percentage of fat.
Fourth--The percentage of fat in tlie
whey was greater ftoin rich milk than
from poor milk, but the loss of fat per
100 pounds of cheese made did not dif
fer materially until ilk with over -l.o'i
per cent of fat was used.
Fifth—That the relation of the far of
the milk to the quality of the cheese
produced is tlie most difficult point of
all-to settle, as there is so much differ
ence of opinion as to what constitutes
"quality" in a cheese. It is difficult to
get two Jr.d :ee to th:.:rr
ber of points which cheese should lie
scored and there does not seem to be
a very definite relation between points
scored and the money or market value.
A. cheese that would bring top price in
oni' market might: not in another. At
present iherc is not enough discrimina
tion made in cheese sold oil rhe mar
kets. All our cheese made at. the col
lege were sold for the same price each
mont h.
Sixth—That the cheese made- from
poor milk had a tendency to become
harsh in texture which may be partial
ly remedied by using less salt and leav
ing more moisture in llie cheese. Iticli
milk lias a tendency to produce cheese
somewhat "pasfy" and "slippery" in
ciiarai tor which may be partially rem
edied by the use of extra salt and by
cooking one or two degrees higher ihan
usual. The flavor, closeness and even
color and texture of a cheese are
somewhat dependent upon the fat
present in the milk and retained in the
choose but with normal milk there are
a number of factors equally important
in the manufacture and sale of Ched
dar cheese. Among these are til what
may be calle.fi good physical qualities
in the milk such as smell and taste:
(2) skillful making: differences in
the taste of judges and consumers.
Seventh—That the percentage of fat
in milk plus is a fair basis upon
which to distribute proceeds among
natrons of cheese factories.
ltutt'i--M
iUiiiK' Without
let-.
"One great advaniage that the
ereamcry has over the private dairy is
a supply of ice to use in hot w^athe1-."
says a wrirer in Epitoinist. "Ice in a
creamery conies so near a necessity
that few would undertake to run one
without ice Hut an abundant supply
of wafer will answer the purpose. It
takes longer to ool -with water than it
does to throw a lot of ice into the
cream, but there are objections to cool
ing by putting ice into the cream. The
reports from all markets now contain
the information that most of the
creamery butter has defects, due to hot
weather. And yet the creameries all
have ice. In the private dairy it is
much easier to get along without ice.
In tlie first place no cream has to be
carted along the road in hot weather
and become heated. In the second
place there is less cream to cool. and.
therefore, less water will be needed.
In the third place the cows need water,
aud the water used to cool the dairy
house can lie run through it and go to
the cows, so there is no extra water
needed to cool the cream. In the fourth
place a large tank of water should
stand in the dairy house and the cream
can be set in this and it will keep cool
and need no extra cooling. When the
butter conies, cold water is necessary,
not ice. If the wind blows, this prob
lem is already solved on Iowa farms,
for they have windmills to pump for
stock and the stock water can run
through tlie dairy house. But if tin
wind will not blow at that time, then
hand pumping must be resorted to for
the supply, or other provisions made.
No hand pumping is done for our dairy.
A tread power stands in the power
house near by and a shaft runs
Through the dairy house. If cold wa
ter is desired when the zophvrs are
asleep, a horse is led into the tread
and he does the work. No ice is de
sired lor butter making with such con
veniences. Pure, fresh, cold water
suits better than stale water made cold
with tee. A refrigerator is in the dairy
house also. No ice is used in it, but
simply cold water. Instead of putting
cold water into this refrigerator, the re
frigerator is put liilo llie cold water.
It is a galvanized iron tank inside ot
the water tank, and the water passing
through tins water tank for all stock
purposes, -keeps butter hard and nice
in The relngerator. In hot, still
weather there is no trouble, for. if the
wind is missing, the supply of water is
kept up by a horse power for stock,
.and so the water in the dairy house is
always cold."
Slnrtinn: IJniry.
There- are every year men starting in
as farmers who have
110
cows ot any
kind. This class will as a rule find it
to their interest ni to stoc'.c up the
first year with the full number o*: cows
they e\p ct to keep. This is because it
will be found almort impossible to buy
the best cows out of any held. It is
bettor to raise a herd of dai'\v cows—
better for several reasons. First by
using tunics of improved dairy breeds,
a better class of cows can be raised
than can. as a rule, be purchased sec
ond. they will be more gentle, if prop
erly trained I'rom ealfhood to maturity
third, they are more contented, and
content
mem counts.
At tl-e bottom of all successful dai
rying, whether conducted entirely
the farm, or partly as associated dai
rying is the dairy education, dairy
hab:ts. and sometimes it may be called
dairy instinct. Instinct is said to lie
the sum of inherited habits. This is
doubtless the best definition that can
be given of it. Hence llie best dairy
communities are those where dairying
has been carried on for generations.
Kindness, patience, painstaking, keen
observation and steadfastness of pur
pose are ail important factors in pro
ducing good results. If dairying is not
thought to lie worth y.tir best, efforts,
let it alone by all means. Let it alone
if it is irksome to you. Devotion and
application to an enterprise begets a
love for it. or it should, and if it does
not. there ssometiiing wrong.
There is a moral side to dairying.
Regular habits are acquired. Men who
keep cows must be at home at milking
time. Home is a good place. Very
few good dairyint are whisky-drink
ers. Dairy communities, as a rule, fur
nish but little business for lawyers.
Dairying Is educating and elevating, if
intelligently followed this is especially
true of home dairying.—Correspond
ence Western I'u'-al.
Sound llnlrj Tal!.-
St'ppose iiiat a hard working farmer
were called upou to provide for l'otir or
live strong, able-bodied persons who
did not do enough to pay for their
board. There would be trouble on that,
farm right: away, and justly so. for
both sense and Scripture proclaim that
the man who will not work shall not.
eat.. Yet nittny a farmer, who would
quickly turn loafers away from his
own table, will tolerate worse loafer
out. in the barn. It is safe to say that,
in most dairy herds there are four or
five cows that do net. pay for the food
they cr-usimni"— say nothing of the
space they etipy, and the labor ex
pended in caring for them. Tin- rea
son they stay, year after year, thus
eating up tlie farm, piolits, is that the
farmer is deceived, because lie has no
means of knowing which of his cows
are robbers. It is easy to pick out the
ht'inan loafer, because his individual
acts stand 'by themselves but.
where the work of the cows
is lumped -together, tile indi
vidual fraud escapes. Babcack
and Scales are the two detectives
needed to pick out the robber cows.
Leave out the loafers.—Rural New
Yorker.
Overlooking? 111- foiv.
l-'very dairyman in this land recog
nizes tlie desirability of proper utensils
to use in his work. A proper dairy
room, proper food, but above all, is fin
proper dairy cow, overlooked quite
often. So many writ'-rs are telling
how necessary it is to have the best
churn, srparalor. feed. etc. but entire
ly forget rhe fact that lliere is a cow
in the field. You may have a niarblo
linisLed dairy house, equipped with till
the modern Dutch. Danish and oth?r
foreign makes of dairy tools, improved
by Yankee ingenuity, and if you have
not the cow. your dairy is "nit." Next
to the cow comes the num. or the im
provement on tlie dairyman—the dairy
womau.—Jersey Bulletin.
Dairy \otes
Leaving the butter too wet spoils the
flavor.
Wheat bran is one of the best foods
for milk.
Fully ripen the cream, but do not let
it get too sour.
Be sure no buttermilk or curd is left
iii the butter.
The cows kept is the best indication
of the condition of th" dairyman.
There is ntteh in the breed, much in
the feed, but still more in the feed -r.
If you want as little skimmed as
pos«ibI". select the Jersey.
Winter calves make fully as good
cow-s as spring calves.
Unless milk is cooled soon after milk
ing it will sour rapidly.
ltais--» your own cows. They will
cost less, qualify considered, than those
you can buy.
It is not «o much whether you feed
two or three times a day, as it is to
feed enough each time.
Feed all that the cows will eat. up
clean. This will be better than to
feed according to the size of tlie cow.
One advantage in stirriag the ct-ea.n
is that it ieis a tendency lo free it
from odors and gases.
To son.e extent at least increased
yield in list come from more and better
feed if the co"\s are good ones.
In order TO induce cows to consume
largely of food i' is very essential that
the cation supplied her is a palatable
one.
Good shade, where the breeze can
pa«s. and plenty of good water ar.t
very essential to tlie _o\v's comfort
now.
It' the cows are allowed to ent tin
hitler ragweed .the milk will be hi iter.
AN htlo the grass is plentiful hoivever,
liiey will not, eat much weeds.
At tins time care must be taken to
see that the pastures supplv plenty of
food olherw.se the o.ws may begiu to
fad in their milk-giving.
For scours in calves, a raw egg brok
en into their iv-ilk is recommended as
IIlie nio.it effectual loinodv. A piece of
I rennet is also stud to be good, but the
raw egg is preferred.
One advantage in using Dar"h ncnt
paper in which to wrap the butter is
that it does noi stick to the butter,
while protecting n. from the air. It is
au'-prool and water-proof, tasteless and
odorless.
Noiv ri'.'it there seems to be plenty
oi creamery butter-milkers, an ox
i-ha?tge lliH'l.s it would be well for the
dairy schools to pay more intention r,o
instruction in farm dairying. There is
gleat li'-ed for education along this
line. .•: .-
He Knew Them.
An old gentleman, meeting his grand
son. said to him, in an impressive tone
of voice:
"My dear boy. I hear some very dis
couraging reports about you. They say
that you go behind the scenes and sire
very much gone on Miss Topsie Lif
toe. Is that soV"
"Yes. grandpa, to some extent."
"Drop tiiein. my boy. I know them,
my son. They are a bad lot."
"But, grandpa, the actresses of tlie
present day are different, from what
they were when you were a young
man. fifty years ago."
"Not much, my boy. They are most
ly the same identical nctresses. Why,
1 Wiis engaged once to Miss Topsie Lif
toe myself'."—Chicago Times-Herald.
Thouylit Photography.
"llow about those dozen thoughts of
mine you photogiaphed last week?"
"I'm very sorry, madam, but: An
thony Conistock made us destroy the
plates."—French joke from the Monde
Illustre.
A («rea( Opportunity,
"1 wisli I was one of those spiritual
istic fellows." said Perry Pathetic, as
he lay on his hack gazing at a cloud,
.•md wondering why it moved when it.
didn't have to.
"What ferV" said Wayward Watson.
".list this. All the papers is full of
stuff wot Thomas Jefferson and Abe
Lincoln and Andy Johnson would do
in this hero election. If I was one of
tltcm fellers, I'd jist call 'em up and
find out. and sell flu- information to
whichever party it done the most good
to."—Cincinnati Inquirer.
An Irish Stx-liilolort'or.
If the following joke really did come
from the Christian Guardian, to which
it is credited, that paper deserves a
large and sudden boom in its circula
tion. The story is about an Irishman
and a Frenchman, who were disputing
over tlie nationality of a friend of
theirs. "I say," said the Frenchman,
"that he was horn in France, and he is
a Frenchman." "liegorra." said Pat,
'if a cat would have kittens in the
oven, would you call them biscuits?"—
San Francisco Ware.
Worth tlie Trouble.
"Popkins is a clever fellow.'*
"What- has lie done now?"
"lie's pur a spring gun iu his back
yard, a burglar alarm at every win
dow. an electri.- mat at each door and
a bulldog in the kitchen. It costs
money, bur he accomplished the pur
pose lie aimed at."
"What w«is that
"lie's got the hired girl so seared
that she's afraid to stay out late at
night."—Cleveland Plaindealer.
Varnishing Day.
"Iiave yon been to tlie cxhibiton of
paintings?"
"Ilad no time, and you?"
"1 liavn't been either."
"What shall we do to keep up our
reputation in the club as the leading
lights in the mat tor of ait criticism?"
"Oh! that is easy enough I never go
myself, but I say every year: 'The
Salon is vastly inferior to that of
former years,' and that suffices."—Le
Gaulois.
IMeaxant.
lie—How fearfully and wonderfully
we are made! Think even of my arms,
what mystery they are?
She—Yes, but it's nice to be envel
oped in mystery.
A Dreadful l'nnlaliment
"O Harold, last night I dj'eainpt I
etecl and went to purgatory, and how
do vou seppose I was punished?"
"Mr dear little wile has never done
anything deserving of punishment," re
plied the gallant Harold. "But what
did you dream?"
"I was made to do all the things I
had ever told my acquaintances 1
would do if I were in their places. ()li,
it was too horrible to think of."—
World.
Si«f*e l'reveiitatlvo.
"lYofossur, s3Ul tlu* lair loader of
tlie reform delegation to the reticent
neighborhood philosopher, who was
supposed to know evervthing, "we're
Irving :o mAke tills world better, and
have taken the liberty of: seeking your
advice. What is the surest way to pre
vent divorces in this country?"
"Don get marled."
And the delegation filed out.
Free Press.
-Detroit
Wanted to He Like (ieorge.
Willie Littleboy—I wish I had beea
George Washington.
Papa—Why so, my son?
Willie—Why, papa, he couldn't tell &
lie. and so when he was visiting and
was asked if he would like another
piece of pie. instead of saying no just
for the sake of being polite, he told the
truth aud said yes.—World/ 'V"-)
M'nt ItciitniloM
A man went into a shop the
Other
day and asked to see some patent gas»
burners.
The shopkeeper showed him some ',
Picking up on. the man asked liinf
what it would do.
"Oh!" trsid the shopkeeper, "that will
save half the gas."
"Then." said the man, "if 1 put two
in. I shan't have any gas hill to lay."
—Chicago Standard.
Much Too Smnrt.
'"I see you haven't your clerli any,
louger," said the store loafer.
"No," said the groery-and-genenil
store man. "A woman came in and
asked for a stove-lifter—"
"And he told her she wanted a lid
lifter?"
"Nope. He handed her a pint of key.
osine."—Indianapolis Journal.
To Heat the Hand
"These cool nights are great," said
Mr. Wallace to his visitor. "Fellow
can sleep to beat the band."
"Yes," interjected Mrs. Wallace,
"and when lie settles down to his fa
forite trombone effects in snoring any
ordinary band would find itself pretty
closely crowded." Cincinnati En
quirer.
The UeMt Man.
Pivtty Honsomald—An' so you were
at the O'FIaherty v.eddlug?
Coachman—1 wor.
Pretty Housemaid—Aif who was tho
best man?
Coachman—It wor Dennis O'Toole.
I seen him wallop three of tlie biggest
chaps in the room afore the plisintries
wor over.—Melbourne Times.
More Than One Wn.v to Get There.
Clerk—I'd like to go away at 1
o'clock, sir. if you can spare me.
Employer—.Ml sick at home? Grand
mother dead? House burning down,
or what?
Clerk—Well .to tell the truth, I want
to go to the ball ground, and—
Employer—I'll go with you. I want
to see if you are telling the truth.—
udge.
V:
The Lnsl Hexort.
:5
Should Veil "Dude-''
Capt. Cross (to passenger)—Now, see
here, sir! No inure of your practical
jokes, or I'll have you put in irons.
You yelled "man overboard-" and we
slopped the ship and tished for ten
minutes, only to pull out a dude.—Chi
cago Kecord.
Style In Ilottle Alley.
Petit —Say, Chinimie, do yon t'inl?
Swipsey McDougall is in love?
Chimniie—Wliat't eatin' you?
Putie—Why. it's de style lie's t'rowiu'
on. If he ain't in love, say, why would
he go onet a month an'take a collar an'
a pair o' cuffs to de Chiuyman?—Cleve
land Plaindealer.
Mean Enouith for AnyUitn jf.
He—Would you like to look at
The Popular Doctor,
"How do you manage, Doctor, to
make yourself so popular with all your
patients?"'
"That's very simple. I assure those
who only imagine they are ill that they
really are ill, and those are ill I assure
that they are quite well."—Fliegende
lllaetter.
Vii eeided.
"What are your politics, my man?
asked the portly visitor of the prisouef
behind the bars at the penitentiary.
"Well," replied the latter, hesitating
ly. "I haven't eome out tor anybody
yet."—Buffalo Tones.
StlmMon's SiiKartlf
"Why does Stimson always carry hia
umbrella closed when it rains?"
"He is afraid the owner may recog
nize it."—Detroit Free Prest
fie Had It llntl
"Does De Smash drink?"
"Does he drink? Not much he jugu
lates."—Bullalo Times.-
.jJ-1
SS
•v4
i$|N
V1,
a
beautiful ling?
She (blushing)—1—yes—that is. I
wouldn't mind looking at one.
He—Let us go to the window and
look at i* There Is a beauty around
the moon to-night.—New York World.
One of the Lnntfiiasrew.
"Nature speaks iu a various lan
guage," quoted Mrs. Hilaud, who is of
a poetic temperament.
"Then I suppose the wind uses the
Gaelic," replied her husband, who likes
to get down to details.—Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.
I'nkliuf to Him. "''f
"This blackberry pie isn't nearly so
good as those mother used to make."
"No I told your mother this morn
ing when she made it that you would
be sure to lind fault with it."—Chicago
Kecord.
'9'.#

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