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GOOD SHORT STORIES
Carnival of Slaughter.
Saved by a Goose—The Bird Gives
Timely Warning: to a Seta try—A Bat
tlefield Dream—A Reminiscence of a
For One Slain in Battle, 1862.
Breathe, trumpets, breathe
Slow notes of saddest walling—
Sadly responsive peal, ye muffled drums
Comrades, with downcast eyes
And banners trailing,
Attend him home— if:
The youthful warrior comes.
Upon his shield,
Upon his shield returning1.
Borne from the field of honor,"
Where he fell
Glory and grief, together clusped
His fame, his fate •,
With sobs exulting tell.
Wrap round his breast
The flag his breast defended—
His country's flag, eipnfcf
In battle's front unrolled
For It he died—
On earth forever ended
His brave young life
Lives in each sacred fold. -•v.. f,-
With proud, fond tears, ".J«
By tinge of shame untainted,
Bear him, and lay him
Gently in his grave:
Above the hero write:
The young, half-sainted— Vjj
His country aslted his life,
His life he gave!
Saved by a Goofte.%fo$j|£j&Nro
Ella Rodman Church tells a very
"Strange Story of a Goose" in St. Nich
olas—a story that recalls the legend of
the Roman capital and the cackling
geese that saved it from surprise. This
goose made its first appearance near
Quebec over fifty years ago, when some
British troops had been sent out to put
down a rebellion of the colonists. A
certain farm in the neighborhood, sus
pected of. being a resort for the insur
gents, was surrounded by sentries
placed at some distance apart, and one
day the sentry whose post was near
the gate of the farm heard a singular
noise. A fine, plump goose soon ap
peared on a run, making directly for
the spot where the soldier stood, and
close behind in pursuit came a hun
gry fox. The sentry's first impulse was
to shoot the thievish animal and rescue
the goose, but since the noise of the
report would have brought out the
guard on a false alarm he was obliged
to deny himself this satisfaction. The
fox was gaining on his intended prey,
when the goose, in a frantic attempt
to reach the sentry box, ran his head
and neck between the soldier's legs just
as the pursuer was on the point of seiz
ing it. Fortunately, the guard could
ruse his bayonet without making a dis
turbance, and he did this to such good
advantage that the pursuit "was soon
ended. The rescued goose, evidently
animated by the liveliest gratitude,
rubbed its head- against its deliverer's
legs, and performed various other joy
ful and kitten-like antics. Then, de
liberately taking up its residence at
the garrison post, it walked up and
down with the sentry while he was on
duty, and thus accompanied each suc
cessive sentry who appeared to patrol
rthat beat. About two months later the
igoose actually saved the life of its par
ticular friend in a very remarkable
iway. The soldier was again on duty
at the same place, and on a moonlight
might, when the moon was frequently
obscured by passing clouds, the enemy
[had formed a plan to surprise and kill
lihim. His feathered devotee was be
pide him, as usual, while he paced his
onely beat, challenging at every sound
,nd then "standing at ease" before his
soose always stood
too, and it made a very com-
home. ical picture. But some undesirable
onstra- spectators—at least, of the soldier's
since it movements—were stealing cautiously
nld ar- toward the place, under cover of the
frequent clouds and a line of stunted
pine trees. Nearer and nearer to the
post they crawled, till one of them,
j1 piifted knife, was about to spring
on the unsuspecting man. Then it
but the sentry succeeded in
ere not scooting one of the party and bayo
ui^nuni neting another, while the goose con
le tl tinued to worry and confuse the re
one mainder until they fled wildly for their
brarn lives. The brave bird was at once
in an adopted by the regiment, under the
pursuit name of "Jacob," and ctecorated with
gold collar on which his name was
has dis engraved, in appreciation of his ser
Aber irices. Ever after, during his life of
at an twelve years, he did sentry duty at
pound, home and abroad, for he was taken to
J38, England at the close of *the war in
Canada, and greatly lamented there
when he died. His epitaph reads,
lead of 'Died on duty," and no human senti
pounds, iel could have been more faithful than
jut find poor old Jacob. As it may occur to
to hold some readers who have not made a
to'gel ,tudy of the Interesting and almost Im
nan ways 0
(in Au" *uards
way. One night, after trying tor
hours to go to sleep in my tent, I went
outside to see if there was a breath of
fresh air to be had. Near. the .tent!
there was a rough bench, which had'
been built for card playing. It was
about three feet from the ground and
was Just wide enough for a man to lie
down on. I walked over to the bench
and, stretching out on it, was soon
asleep. I dreamed that I was standing
in a Spanish camp surrounded by hun
dreds of excited Spaniards, who were
insisting that I be shot at once for a
spy, I was perfectly cool and had a
supreme indifference about my fate.
They took me over to a stake driven
in the ground and tied me up to it.
Then they wheeled up an enormous
cannon to within fifty feet of where I
stood and aimed it straight at me. I
saw the gunner seize the lanyard and
look around at the officer in charge for
a command to fire. Then I closed my
eyes. The next moment there was a
tremendous roar. The cannon ball
struck me squarely on the side of the
right hip and I flew up into the air. I
woke to find myself on the ground,
where I had rolled from the bench.
There was a sharp pain in my right
hip, and, looking out into the open
space beyond the tents I saw that the
mornipg gun had just been, fired. The
smoke was still hanging'over the can
non. The pain in my hip was caused
by its coming in contact with a stake
driven in the ground near the bench.
Several weeks later at San Juan I got
a bullet in my right hip where the
cannon ball of the dream struck*and
directly in the center of the bruise left
by my forcible contact with the stake
when I rolled off the bench."
Reminiscence of a Carnival of Slaughter
Denver News: "Yes, we made.about
550 good Indians on that day," said
Robert Fiskin, a former member of
company G, First Colorado volunteers,
who served three years during the civil
war in the department of the Missouri,
and who is now visiting Colorado after
an absence of thirty-five years. The
day referred to above was the date
of the Sand Creek massacre, in which
Mr. Fiskin took an active part. I left
my home in Dubuque, Iowa, in the
spring of '60," he resumed, "and, of
course, came overland by wagon. I
was only a lad of 20, but I had the^r spsi
'fever,' and in company with Jim Me
Bride and a man named Wood we
headed for Russell Gulch. We mined®
with varying success all that year, and
in the spring of 'CI I sold the only
claim I had for $50 and went to Denver.c
War had just been declared, and I en-.'
listed in the First Colorado for a period®
of three years, or until the end of the'
war. We went into camp at Camp
Weld on the Platte river, and our first
campaign was in New Mexico, where
at Canby, 1,350 Colorado troops routed!
3,000 Texans under Bailey and drove*
them back into Texas. Soon after this?
the government commenced having
trouble with the Indians and we were*
sent back to Fort Lyons. On the night
of Nov. 27, Col. Chivington rode into?
the fort and gave orders for the entires
regiment to be ready to move on the
following night. The government had
been finding fault with Chivington for
his apparent inability to restrain the
Indians, and he had evidently resolved
to give them a lesson which they would
remember. On the night of the 28th
we left the fort and after marching all
night came upon the Indians on Sand
Creek in the early morning. The In
dians were taken wholly unawares, and
then ensued a carnival of slaughter
the memory of which even now makes
my blood run cold. Of the 850 Chey
enne, 'Arapahoe and Sioux Indians
there were but 300 who escaped. Over
550 were massacred and left dead and
dying on the field, their flesh to be
eaten by the coyotes and their bones
watchful goose covered
ses bfr itself with glory by rising unexpect
rf this sdly from the ground and flapping its
others wings in the faces of the would-be
'ere tti- assassins. They rushed blindly for
any animals to doub
remarkable a story,
to the gold collar^
with Jacob's name and exploit en
graved on it, which may still be seen
headquarters of the Horse
They -were talking of dreams, when
vent"oJk® volunteer who was shot through
shoti be MP
San Juan spoke up, says the
as wai iVashington Star. "It is strange," said
he bodj le, "how the real and the unreal are
son an jometimes connected in dreams.
ind tolc iad an experience down at Tampa
]jiie we were waiting for orders to go
Cuba whlch was
Army and Navy.
The military authorities in Austria
Hungary are confronted with a some
what serious situation—the escape over
the frontier of men liable to military
the world. It was in 1859 that ha
aroused the people to the situation by
an account of the condition of things
on the field at Solferino. M. Dunant,
who was a resident of Geneva, and a
fellow-citizen, M. Moynier, set the ball
rolling, which resulted in the final ac
remarkable In Its
to bleach on the"prairie? Mr!" F~iskin she bathed her eyes, smoothed her hair
was mustered out in the fall of '65 and
went back to Iowa, where he has been Da"°1'
ever since. He has come to Denver for J**™8 toward her. One glance
the purpose of entering the Soldiers'
Home at Monte Vista.
,\,V "t *.'»iA
service in Austria-Hungary., A large
business is carried on by the agents, "Sister, something troubles you you
chiefly foreigners, who assist these had been weeping when you came
men. The first essential is a passport, down, and your face is pale and sad.
and this is generally forged. It is
known that 1,000 men weekly, on their
way to the frontier, pass through Vi-
enna alone, and as most of these are shoulder, she sobbed out the whole
young men, it is calculated that during wretched story.
the year at least 30,000 of those who so "Have you ever told him about me?"
pass are escaping from military ser- Charles asked, musingly, after she had
vice. Most of these, it is estimated, finished.
come to America, where it is believed "No," answered Clara. "I thought
there are at present over 100,000 men you were dead and I could not bear to
who should be in the Austro-Hunga- about you."
rian army or reserves. "Then I have an idea," said Charles.
M. Dunant, a doctor, was the first to **You introduce me as Mr. Lansing, an
call the attention of the world to the
ceptance of the Geneva flag, which is f^1 ,7^
Sue cross on a reHeid °f rf"
The annual reunion of the Society presented Mr. Lansing with such a
of the Army of the Cumberland was bright, happy look in her blue eyes
not held last season, as many of its he felt a pang go through his heart!
prominent members were engaged in and he bowed quite coldly and there
the war with Spain. This year's meet- was a freezing courtesy between the
ing is to take place at Detroit, Sept. 26 two gentlemen until Mr. Sanger went
THE WIFE AND THE
Arthur Sanger was head clerk In a
dry goods store. Clara Heartly worked
in a tailor's shop. She had a pretty
face, winning ways, and a loving,
trusting little heart so, when after
a few weeks' acquaintance, Arthur
Sanger asked her to be his wife, she
smiled. and blushed charmingly, and
soon after she became Mrs. Sanger.
The first bit of sorrow Clara expe
rienced after her marriage was one
morning when Arthur tenderly inform
ed her that he should be obliged to go
to New York on business for the firm,
and would be absent three whole days.
It was a sad, gloomy time to poor
Clara, but the three miserable days
came to an end at last, and with a
light heart she arrayed herself to go
to the depot to meet her husband. He
would not expect her.
The train came puffing in. Clara was
a few steps from the edge of the plat
form, when she saw Arthur alight and
hold out his hand to assist a beautiful,
dark-eyed lady down the steps, and
what was her dismay, as she pressed
her way through the crowd to greet
him, to see him draw the lady's hand
through his arm and hear him say in
a low voice:
"Pull down your veil, Alice, and
walk deliberately through the depot."
For a moment objects swam before
Clara's eyes, but, lowering her own
veil, she followed the couple out. She
managed to keep them in sight until
they entered the Sweeney hotel.
Then, with a heart she thought was
breaking, she goes home, how, she
hardly knew. It was half an hour be
fore Arthur came and Clara had
thought it all over, and resolved not
to say one word about her being at
the depot, and see if he would make
any explanation. He returned her
warm greeting in an affectionate, but
absent way, not even noticing her pale
cheeks and eyes red with weeping.
4p. The next morning, after Arthur had
"eaten his breakfast, mechanically kiss
ed her abstractedly, and gone to the
store, Clara went up to her chamber,
tbrew herself upon a lounge, and wish
ed, oh, so fervently, that she might
die, for if her husband was really un-
CHARLIE, MY DEAR BROTHER!
true to her she felt that life would be
a burden, and she wanted to die now
before any harsh or unkind words had
passed between them. In the midst of
her sad thoughts the bell rang and
a moment after Bridget put her head
in at the door, saying:
"A gintleman to see yez, mum."
"To see me? Didn't he say Mr.
Sanger?" said Clara, raising her head
"No, indade he said Miss Sanger,
as plain as the nose on my face."
"Very well show him into the par
lor. I will be down directly."
Wondering vaguely who it could be,
As she entered the
form rose and held
of delighted surprise and she sprang
into them, sobbing, "Charlie, my dear,
dear brother!" Sure enough, it was
Charles Lansing, Clara's half-brother,
who ran away from his stepfather four
years before and had not been heard
After many eager questions and an
swers on both sides Charles took ad
vantage of a slight pause and said:
Won't you tell me all about it?"
Clara hesitated a moment, then,
dropping her b»ad on her brother's
necessity of some such thing as tha Sweeny, BO as to watch proceed
Geneva flag, for the betterment of the ^ng8 there, and then we will have
wounded on the great battlefields ol
secure a room at
S°°d time gen-
erally, and get him Jealous if we can."
Clara looked doubtful and asked, hes
"Will it be right?"
"Right!" echoed her brother "of
course it will, and when he sees fit
to explain, you can. But mind you, I
and If 1 find he
disposition, so when Clara at dinner
back to the store.
San Francisco has raised some $32,- Several days passed, and Charles
500 of the desired $100,000 for a monu- and Clara took particular pains to go
ment to Admiral Dewey to be set up by the store where Arthur worked
in that city. Now It asks the rest of whenever they were out together,
the state of California to help make In the meantime Arthur grew sul
up the fund. len, ate his meals In savage silence,
and several times went to the store
without kissing Clara.
Charles reported that Mr. Sanger
called at the hotel every day and went
up to room No. 10 but beyond No.
10 being occupied by a lady booked as
Mrs. Alice Austin, he could learn noth
We know not how matters might
have terminated had not the fire de
partment Just then given a ball, to be
held in the hall of the Sweeny ho
Arthur asked Clara, with something
of his old tenderness, if she would like
to go. She said "Yes," longing to
throw herself into his arms, and dis
pel the dark cloud from his brow, by
telling him that Charles was her
brother but the remembrance of that
dark, beautiful face in the depot re
As they entered the hall Clara saw
Charles waltzing with a lady, and as
they came nearer the dark eyes and
lovely face that had haunted her,
sleeping or waking, for the past week,
looked up at her from her brother's
Arthur, too, saw the dancers','
with a dark scowl, he muttered:
"Imprudent!" and "the rascal!"
Clara saw a sign pass between
husband and the unknown fair
as soon as the dance was over, and the
lady immediately went out on the
piazza through a window, while Ar
thur excused himself and went out of
She knew they were Intending to
meet on the piazza, and, heartsick, she
staggered through there-they stood,
but a few feet from her, in the shadow
of a trailing vine.
"Alice," her husband was saying, "It
was very imprudent for you to come
"I know it," returned the woman
with a sigh. After a pause she added:
"How pretty your wife Is, Arthur I
wonder you can spare a thought for
poor me, when you have such a sweet
little blossom at home."
"I can love and care for you both,"
The lady burst Into tears and leaned
her head on Arthur's shoulder.
"You are the only friend I have got,
dear Arthur," she sobbed.
A low, gasping cry burst from
Clara's lips, and she sank back insen
sible into Charles' arms, for he had
been standing just behind her.
"Good heavens, Clara what is the
matter, darling?" exclaimed Arthur,
springing toward his wife. "And you,
villain," addressing Charles, "what
right have you with her?"
"A much better right than you have,
for you have forfeited all claim to her,"
returned Charles, indignantly, as he
bore her to a piazza settee.
Clara soon opened her eyes and mur
mured: "Please take me home, Char
"Clara, what does this mean?" asked
Arthur, bending over her, almost
"Oh, Arthur, I know all," she moan
ed. "Please go away and let me die."
"I see their mistake, Arthur," said
the strange lady. "Tell them, dear,
that I am your sister whom you dis
carded several years ago for marrying
a dissolute fellow, but whom you have
now taken pity on."
"Your sister! Is she your sister, Ar
thur?" gasped Clara.
"Yes, darling," returned Arthur, "I
see now, I ought to have told you, but
I wanted to wait until I got her a di
"Oh, my Heavenly Father, I thank
thee!" breathed Clara, raising her
beautiful eyes upward. Then turning
with a bright smile she said: "And
Charles is my brother, my dear half
brother who I thought was dead."
Arthur understood without asking
why she did not tell him so before.
The next day there was an account
in the dally papers of the death of
Ralph Austin in a drunken fight. So
Alice was free withjut the aid of the
A year glides by and there is a quiet
wedding at Arthur Sanger's.
Alice Austin is the bride and Charles
Lansing the bridegroom.—New York
Something New In Cookery.
From Puck: Scalloped oysters—Se
lect firm, plump oysters and scallop
them evenly and neatly with a pair of
sharp scissors. Now, with a needle
threaded with pink sdlk, if for a pink
tea, or blue if you wish blue points,
work a buttonhole, stitch around the
scallop. When finished press carefully
on the wrong side with a hot iron.
Shirred eggs—Carefully remove the
shell from a fresh egg, and hold the
white and yelk firmly in the left hand.
Now, with a fine needle and thread,
gather the material In straight rows
about half an Inch apart. Draw up to
the required fullness and fasten neatly
the ends of the thread. Snow pudding
—Take about four quarts, say four and
a half, of fresh snow. Wash in several
waters and put it to soak in hot water
over night. In the morning knead it
up and set by the fire to rise, add some
melted glue, and set aside to cool.
Chicken pattieB—This dish is a lost art
as Patti Is no chicken. Egg plant—
HapgIs as the Scotch Haka It.
To make haggis, take the heart,
tongue and a small liver of the sheep,
one pound of bacon, four ounces of
crumb of bread, the rind of one lemon,
two eggs, two anchovies (sardines may
be used), a quarter of a teaspoonful of
pepper and two teaspoonfuls of salt.
Chop the heart, tongue, liver and ba
con mix thoroughly add the bread
crumbed,the anchovies chopped fine,the
lemon rind grated, then the pepper
and salt." Beat the eggs and then pour
them over. Pack this into a kettle or
mould, cover and boil or steam con
tinuously for two hours. Turn it on a
dish and serve hot.—August Ladies'
THE WOMAN OF THE ANGELUS.
How Millet's Model Lives In Her Peai
»nt CotUge at Harbison.
Barbizon, a little village in the
midst of the forest of Fontainebleau,
a short distance from Paris, has be
come a goal of pilgrimage for many
admirers of Millet's work, and partic
ularly for those who know that the
woman who suggested to the great
painter his famous picture of "The
Angelus" still lives there in a little
cottage a stone's throw from where
she was born. Mere Adele'a home Is
a small vine-clad cottage, In which she
lives a frugal but comfortable life,
troubled only by the overinquisitive
tourists and by her rheumatism. She
must have been an attractive woman
once, for even now, although she has
witnessed the passing of more than
threescore years and ten, there are
traces of former beauty in her
Mere Adele Is a lady, though she has
worn her fingers blunt by toil, and her
form is bent under the burdens she has
had to bear. When she looks at you
her smile is like a benediction, and the
beautiful things of earth are not lost
upon her. Her manner is -cheerful, as
one who feels she has not lived in vain.
If questioned closely she will tell you
of the day when the great artist came
through the dense forest with his wife
and children, leaving behind him th^
gay city of Paris with its schools of
painting and its models. She knows a
great deal of the very hard days which
followed for Jean Francois Millet—
the toil, the anxiety, the disappoint
ments. She nursed his five children
and did the little field work in the
garden adjoining the cottage. When
he saw his nurse-girl, Adele, and her
father reverently bowing their heads
in prayer at the ringing of the Angelus
he conceived the picture which, if not
his best work, is yet the best known,
and the one most appreciated by the
people. Mere Adele calls herself a
child of God. She looks it in the
painting, and she lives it every day in
her humble cottage.—Edwai'B A. Stein
er, in the September Woman's Home
DANGER IN THE "SOFT" DRINK
Tea and Pop Debauches Have Before
Now Resulted Fatally.
Hard drinks' have slain their thou
sands, but soft drinks have, neverthe
less, contributed to the list of fatali
ties. Instances in proof of the danger
which lies in wait for the unwary ab
sorber of the latter class of potations
are not wanting In recent revelations
of the news columns. Not long ago a
man departed this life in an eastern
asylum because he was inordinately
intemperate in the use of tea. An in
cautious colored man in Atlanta took
a sip or two of a domestic concoction
of alum and water. Shortly afterward
he took a fit and gave up the ghost
in great agony. A more recent case
is that of the New York young man
who died after a "pop" debauch. What
small boy is a stranger to the many
hued delights of "pop"? It effervesces
and tastes like branchwater inade
quately sweetened, but it has hubbled
for long years without being suspected
of homicidal tendencies. Until the fatal
orgy of the New York young man its
record for harmlessness was unbroken.
This victim of the insidious "pop," it
is claimed, filled liis internal vacuum
with seventy bottles of the dangerous
fluid per day. And he kept on loading
up at this rate for three days in suc
cession Of course when such a strain
as this was put upon his containing
capacity something had to pop and so
the "pop" drove the life out of him
and he went hence. Such Is the fate
of those who have not the strength of
mind to defy the tempter when he
comes clad in the seductiveness of soft
drinks. Not all have the physical
strength to resist the Inroads of the
inordinate flzzicking to which these
apparently innocuous beverages sub
ject the human organism. If tempta
tion comes to the thirsty to drink im
moderately of tea, spiked lemonade or
the colorful "pop," it should be stub
bornly and persistently resisted, else
the end will be certain and the denoue
ment .sad.—St. Louis Republic.
Once Washington's Arsenal.
New York Sun: The tearing down
of the old buildings, 93, 95 and 97 Cher
ry street, to make way for a modern
structure, removes a landmark vaguely
associated in the annals of the neigh
brohood with the days of the American
revolution. When Washington made
his headquarters at Roosevelt and
Cherry streets, the local historians
declare, he stored In these old build
ings munitions of war supplies for his
army. The historians of Cherry Hill
then skip the intervening years until a
period beginning fifteen or twenty
years ago is reached. The buildings
were then occupied as resorts for sail
ors. The Loopey gang, which once
threw a man Into the river for 6 cent*,
made its headquarters in the neighnor
hood. Near by was Sneepy's alley,
leading from Roosevelt to Cherry
street, In which a Roosevelt street resi
dent declares there were three mur
ders within as many months,
Ernest Whitehead captured a yonn&
seal near Anacapa island, California,
recently, and took him on board his
ship, says Our Dumb Animals. As the
vessel started the mother seal was no
ticed swimming about, howling pite
ously. The little captive barked re
sponslvely. After reaching the wharf
at Santa Barbara the captive was tiqd
up in a Jute sack and left loose on the
deck. Soon after coming to ancher
the seal responded to its mother's call
by casting Itself oyerboard, all tied up
as it was in the sack. The mother
seized the sack, and with her sharp
teeth tore it open. She had followed
the sloop,eighty miles. l'
An Incentive to Aeenraer.
Tno Bungalow of Swat—How goe*
the great clock, mesial?
Grand Orgle Master—Four minute*
•low, your effulgence.
Tha Bungalow—Let the chief clock
maker be hanged on the hour, and re
main hanging until his machine marks
Discovery of Life Plant
So full of vigor that if one of its leaves
be pinned: to a warm wall another
plant •will grow. It Is these same prin
ciples which enable Hostetter's Stom
ach Bitters to arouse to life and duty
the overworked stomach. The Bufferer
from dyspepsia or any stomach trouble
needs It. A private Revenue Stamp
covers the neck of the bottle.
Dobbs—Do you smoke?
Dobbs—Lucky man. My pnysiclan
ordered me to stop last week.—Ohio
hi cases of scrofula., salt rheum, dys
pepsia, nervousness, catarrh, rheumatism,
eruptions, etc., the circumstances may be
altered by purifying and .enriching the
blood 'with Hood's Sarsapartila. li is the
great remedy for all ages and both sexes,
Be sure to get Hood's, becaxise
A Friendly gnnestlon.
"I'm afraid I'll have to move again,'*
nald Smith the other morning, as ho
boarded a down-town car.
"What's the trouble now?" inquired
his friend, Jones.
"The kitchen chimney smokes dread
fully," replied Smith, "and I'm unable
to stop It."
"I'll tell you what to do," said Jones.
"Give it one of those cigars like you
gave me the other day, and it's a 10-to
1 shot it will quit smoking of its own
The Profersor (on his summer vaca
tion)—My dear, this is where our rail
way Journey end* We shall wheel
the rest of the way on a smooth turn
The Professor's Wife—I know It but
where is our tandem? I didn't see tha
baggageman put It off the car."
The Professor—The tandem? Sure
enough! I knew I had forgotten some
At F1T» Dollars Per Day.
"My son," said the metropolis man,
"makes mountains out of molehills."
"Hanged If I don't wish my son
would do it," ejaculated Farmer Hard-,
acre. "I've got all kinds of molehills
aroun' this plantation, an' If they were
only mountains I'd have no trouble in
gettin' the house clean full of summer
A Friendly Smrorestlon.
"Is there any way of making that
borse go?" inquired the sad-looking cit
"Well," answered the dealer, after
some reflection, "you might hitch him
up to an. automobile."—Washington
Even That Too Much.
The Younger One—I think all a man
should know about his wife's dress Is
The Older Matron—You goose! He
should not know even that.—Indianap
She (musically inclined)—What "is
your opinion of Wagner's works?
He—Never saw them. I don't sup
pose they are in it with Pullman's.—
Piso» Cure for Consumption is the best
otfcU cough cures.—George W. Xote.
Fabucher, La., August 80. 1896.
f,-.*.-.- Met With Mli»fortune.
Wiggles—Let's see, that young doctor
that set up around the corner a couple
of years ago committed suicide didn't
Mrs. Wiggles—Why, no he got mar
Wiggles—Well, I knew he got Into
trouble of some kind.—Somervllle Jour
a a 's Catarrh Oars)'
Is taken internally. Price, VBa
"Are you fond of golf?" asked Miss
"Very," answered Willie Wlshington.
"Which do you do, play It or talk it?"i
"That fellow? Why, he hasn't a
Ihlng In the world that he can honestly
call his own."
"Ah, you wrong him. There is al
ways his thirst."—Chicago Times-Her
They Don't Waste Hnch.
"I say, this steak is as bad as the
one I had yesterday."
"It is, sir. Oh, how stupid of them
I'm afraid they've given you the eame1
one again."—Ally Sloper.
Mrs. Window's sootblnr Syrup.
For children teetblns. softsus the guml, rsdass* (ik
flamm»tlon.»ll»y« cun.carei wind
colic. 2Sa sbotaei
Wllllnsr to Pay.
Mme. Newrlche—I-want a first-class
passage to Dublin.
Mme. Newriche—And I Insist upon1
having a smooth passage, no matter
what the cost.—Boston Traveled.
One never realizes the aimless life of
a policeman until he attempts to shoot
As an extra precaution, every cook-?
Ing school should run in connection
with an eating school.
The roa* to fame is crowded wltn
men who have become discouraged and'