Hammond gazette. [volume], July 28, 1863, Image 1

About Hammond gazette. [volume] (Point Lookout, Md.) 1862-1864

Image provided by: University of Maryland, College Park, MD

                
For the Benefit of the Sick and Wounded in Hammond General Hospital.
VOL. 1. PORRT LLOOKOUT MD., JULY 28, 1863. NO. 37.
HEAMMOND GAZETTE.
wmamvamu MORNING BY
JOSI. HOBBS & CO.
* RATES—One copy, thrée months, FlFry CENTS,
{§ ADVANCE; single copy, FIVE CENTS
W
POETRY.
How Pat Went a Shooting Reed-Birds.
Three men and a bulldog ugly,
Two and a terrier lame:
They'd fitwr stand out in the mud there,
And set thomselves up for game !
But, no; I see, by the cocking
Of that red-haired Paddy’s eve,
lle's been “reeding’’ too much for you, sir,
Any such game to try!
“Whist, Jamie, me boy, kape dark there
And houid the big dog in :
There's a bloody big crowd of rade-birds
That nade a pepperin’ !’
“Chip~bang !’ speaks the single-barrel:
“Flip-bang "’ roars the old Queen Anne:
There's a Paddy stretched out iu the mudbole,
A kicked over, knocked down man !
The big bulldog’s eyes stick out ‘
And the terriers bark’s begin :
And Paddy digs out of the deep mud,
. And then the “‘discoorsin’ '~ comses in;
Jamig, figebll icivus young blag-gard
‘%now ye're the dirvil's son, ’
Hew many fingers’ load, thin,
Did ye put in this blasted old gun?”’
“How many fingers? Be jabers,
I niver put in one;
D’ye think I'd be afther ramming
Me fingers into the gnn?”
“Well, give me the powdher, Jamie!”'
- ""The powdher? as sure as ['m born,
I put it all in your muskit,
As [ had no powdher-horn ™
sl i ——
Two in a Bed.
Ned and Charley were room mates, but
they oceupied different beds. - Ned's sleep
ing 2pparatus was so situated that he could
get into it on either side—that is to say,
there were two four sides—which Ned
found very convenient on eertain oceasions.
One night Ned and Charley had been
out, and on returning, which they did next
morning, both were considerebly elevated.
However, they walk up to the roém with
an air which seemed to say, ‘‘not so very
drunk after all.” and sought long and pa
t}eflflwmafilmg After knock
ing the pitcher off the wash-stand and
fmashing the bofin‘g;gha, theLdfinafly
gave up their search went to bed.
Wmfi bed—yes, those are the words ;
but oiwing to the mmm and their con
filfldm, &; made 2 dnfi t mistake.
In short, Ned’s bed had the of re
terving the two friends—Charles getting in
o 0 one side, and his companion rolling in
ou the other.
“I say, %’” cried ; %mhmg
yif ¢ n ¢
M”%’P s calf, ‘“there’s a my
“Wonderful eoincideioe?” exclaimed
Ned, feeling a strange eclbow in the regi
of his ribs, ‘‘there’s somebody in mm
too ™
“‘ls there, though " cried Charley, “‘Jet’s
kick. : 1
“Agreed,” said Ned. 1
And accordingly the two friends began
to kick. In about a minute and a half,
Ned was sprawling on the floor. Charley |
was left in possession of the bed. For a
moment after the fall, all was silent. ]
“I say, Ned,” eried Charley. |
“What? asked Ned, surlily. i
“I've kicked my fellor out.” |
““You are a devilish sight luckier than T
am, then,” said Ned, ‘‘for mine has kicked
me into the middle of next week.” |
The Two Sailors. 1
Captain Jones relates a good story of the
conduct of two of the Naval Brigade, on
sentry duty at Allahabad: :
“;')ne who was on sentry on the main
works of the fort, by moonlight, looking
over the parapet, saw anfi&gm who was
sentry on the ravelin, or some outwork.—
Now Jack, though he conld tell the ?@
trom o 00, A poitis 0T
horse, had not past 3 competitive examin
ation before his admission Into the service,
and no doubt his edueation in fortifieation
and engineering had been sadly neglected. ’
and, therefore, he was not aware that the
outwork was not part of the fortification
which he was so vigilantly guarding; and
seeing a man walk up and down outside of
what he considered the fort, and of course
his head being fall of spies, lurking Sepoys,
etc., challenged him. The sentry on the
outer work mot imagining that it was he
who was the subject of his messmate’s anx
ious inquiries, held his peace, upon which
Jack in the fort let drive at Jack on the
outwork. The outward Jack, a little taken
aback by the musket-ball whizzing past his
head, sung out.
Hallo! that's your game, is it, my
buck ! Here's let drive at you, then!’ and
immediately retursed the fire. On their
being relieved and taken to the guard-house,
all that passed between them was.
“Well, Pm blowed, Jack, but we are
mortal bad shots, we are’””
“Waar a censorious hsrr;d exclaimed
old Mrs. Partington, as she in a pap
an account of a new counterfeit whng‘s:
said to contain three woman and a bust of
Washington on each end—*What!” said
she, ““General Washington on a bust! ’tis
not 80,” And the old lady lfted ler specs
and declared she had *‘kno¥n the flgau
tleman for the last thirty years, she
never heard of his bems on a bust—much
less with three women.
sy Qs m——————
QureT pérsons are welcome everywhere.
Sold Cheap,
Old Uncle Jobn Jobnson lives oumt in
Chicago. He came from the lands of steadv
habits long time ago, and would be right
glad to see the friends he had left behind.
But it was a long way to go, and he was
old and stiff in the joints. He sent his son
Tom to visit and bring him a fall report of
all the folks heonce knew. Tom was right
glad to make the trip, and whea he got to
Norwich he soon found the girls =0 agree
able that hm all about the old cronies
his father waiited him to hunt up. and wept
back, after a month’s visit. His father
asked him about his old neighbor Perkins,
but Tom didn’t recollect the name,
“Well, how is Deacon Huntington ¥’
But Tom hadn’t seen the Deacon.
““did you see Mr. Rockwell ?”
*“No.” Tom had missed secing him.— -
And so the old man went on with his ques
tions till be saw that Tom had been fooling
him; and to try him once more, he asked—
“ Did you see old Parsow Noyes?’
Tomtgongbcit about time to have seen
somebody, and answered, promptiy—
—wanis to See you badly.”
“Oh, muarder!” W the old man.—
“You little %y , Parson Noyes has
been dead these forty years!!”
Thomas subsided.
st B o i
Ax old gentleman, was always boasting
how folks used to work in his young days.
one day he challenged his twosonsto pitch
on a loa%of hay as fast as hi’:ould load it.
The cha e was aceepted, -wagon
driven me::s, and the g:lj coml:eiced.-——-
For some time the old man held his own
very credibly, calling cat. More hay!
more hay I” At length, struggling to keep
on the top of the disordered and ill-arranged
heap, it began first to roll, then to slide,
and at last off it went from the wagon, and
the old man withit. ‘*What are you doing
down here 7’ eried the boys. “I came
down after hay,” eried the old man, stoutly.
“Jous,” said a stingy old fih his
hired man; ‘“‘John, do vou know how many
pancakes you've eaten?
“*Neo, I dont.” :
“Well ,you have caten fourteen.” ;
“Well,” replied John, *“you may count and
I'lil eat
_ o
“I# this your brother, Pat’
“Yis, o
I bk hder tham yon?
“No, indade; :fi. he is not.ii
*“Well, theh he & younger *
“No, sur, he is not. ,
*“Why, man, he must beone orthe other
*‘Faix then he is nayther.
*Oh, then you are twins!
~ “Indade now, and how did you know i’