Hammond gazette. [volume], August 17, 1864, Image 1

About Hammond gazette. [volume] (Point Lookout, Md.) 1862-1864

Image provided by: University of Maryland, College Park, MD

                
HAMMDND EATRTTE
WWAVLY =@ cC Uo\ 00 LL,
VOL. 2. N 0.40. POINT LOOKOUT, MD.. AUGUST 17. 1864. WIOLE NO. 92.
Dortry,
s 8 @) B s
Song of the Tramp.
Oh, my home is a roomy one, very,
Extending all over the town :
Palatial, capucious and airy,
And yet it is hardly my own :
For the birds build their nests all about me,
And squirrels hop freely arouud—
The rich and the haughty may flout me,
But a grander one never was fonnd.
Then a fig for the ** bag,”’
Of the *‘ bos ;"' or the rag
That hangs like a flag
From my sleeve ;
For you see, I'm as free
As a chip on the see—
Should it otherwise be
I should grieve.
Ob, its roof is the archway of glory ;
Its curtains the lace of the moon ;
Its pictures, the gorgeous old story
Of Earth in the brightness of June.
Its carpets were wove by the fiugers
Of deftliest maidens—the Hours ;
The breath ot the damsels still lingers
All around me, enrviching the flowers.
Then a fig, &c. |
When the sunlight is leaving the meadows,
And birdlings are seeking their nest, |
I tuck myself under the shadow, ‘
And slumber as sweet as the best ;
The down of the moss is my pillow,
The croon of the streamlet so bright, |
And the soft gentle sough of the willow, |
Are the last ones to bid me good-night. |
Then a fig, &ec.
When the bosom of morning is heaving
With rosy pulsatious of love, t
Aund darkuess is wippingly leaving
To music from valley and grove ;
< Witha crust and a Kiss from the dimple
That's gemming the cheek of the stream,
All cheery, contented and simple,
I pass on my way like a drean. '
Then a fig, &c.
e @@ B e e
Quaker Madness.
Some years since, there lived on the west side
of Front street, Philadelphia, a distinguished
hatter, of the Society of Friends, but not then,
in his youth, perfectly stiict in the observance
of the social discipline ef the sect. His shop
was one of the favorite centers of gossip for the
neighborhood. Among others, it was not un
frequently visited by a rather harmless lunatic,
who, nevertheless, was much in the habit of
disturbing Friend meetings on Sunday, by in
sisting on preaching there. Once, the following
colloquy took place between the worthy hatter
and ‘‘ the mau beside himself.”’
‘ Well, now, Thomas, 1 tell thee, these peo
ple that call themselves Quakers are not Quakers
at all. They are nothing but Foxites. lam
the only Quaker in existence.”’
‘‘ John, John, how can’st thou say so?"’
“ Why, I’m for peace; but I’veonly got to go
to the head of the Gallery, next First Day, and
say, ‘ Peace be among ye,” and they’ll all be for
war directly.”’
“ I'll lay thee a beaver hat on that, John."”’
[TRUTH, JUSTICE, MERCY,—UNION, LIBERTY, COUNTRY. ]
“Done! And I'!l do it !
And on the next Sunday wmorning, sure
enough, John marched with a mujestie step to
the head of the gallery, Letween the made and
female precher, and called out. in a loud voice,
[ ‘‘ Peace be among ve !
‘ Linmediately up rose a venerable elder of the
| sect, and said :
| it would be well if some younge Iriends
i were to retnove that person irod the nceting .
| He disturbs the solemuity of the oceasion.”
’ Thiz was a great winmph tor Johu, and he
{ shouted
I “Thee, 1 toid you they would all be for war !
| divectiy 1V
IFour young men, however, left their seats and
!adv:mu-(l upon him; upon which he laid him
self dowu upon his back, and defended himself
[ with hands and feet to the best of his ability .
t This did not prevent them froi seizing him by
i the arms and legs. They bore him, by foree to
! wards the door. When l':u')' reached the middle
: of the aisle, he burst into a most obstreperous
! {it ot laughter.
“Now, John, said the elder, again rising,
“how canst thou reconcile it with thy con
science thus to disgurb o solema and religivus
meeting 7
“Ha, ha, ha! Ho, he, ho V"' replied the luna
tic; ‘I was ouly thinking how much mcre
‘lumm'ml [ was than my Master. He rode into
I.lvru.\;xh:u upon an ass; and ' ridin’ out on
four '’
‘ It is needless to say that the bearers vanished.
Johu sat out the weeting, and won the hat.
f il e i
John and his Geography.
We have been questioning our John upon
gvogvr;nphy, and we thiuk he is haproving. lear
him :
¢ John, what is geography ?"’
¢ Geography iz a deseription of the carth’s
upper crust, generally found iu bookstores and
school-houses.”’
“ How is the surface of the carth divided 77’
“ By earthquakes, railroads and canals.”
“Good. Is there more water than land upon
the earth 7’ :
eyt
“ How is it called 7"
“QOceans, seas, rivers, mud-puddles, coffee
and Paine gas.”’
“With what is the ocean inhabited ?”
“With sharks, busted-up steamboats, wmer
maids and oysters.”’
“ With what is the land inhabited 7"’
¢ With carauvans, porter-houses, lawyers, loaf
ers, editors and dandies.”’
¢ Do ships sail on the ocean ?”’
¢ Sometimes, and they become a sinking fund,
and sail under.”
“ What is an island 7’
¢ An island is a place where people don’t like
to live ; for instance, Deer Island, Dead Man's
Island, Blackwell’s Island, and Jerry-sellfinery
go Island.”
‘““ What is a cape ?"’
“An article worn by firemen, ladics, and
sometimes found running into the ser.”
Y What is a river 2"’
‘A railroad for steam jugs and lumber rafts."’
““Who are the happiest people on the carth ?’
“ Actors in hard luck, and Feejee mission
&"rifi‘.‘.”
“ Who are the most miserable !’
“ Debtors, boarding-house keepers, brokers
and editors.”’
That boy will wear a new suit of clothes in
the conrse of three or four yvears, if money can
! buy them.
e @ ) B et
! In a Safe Place.
A corrvespondent tells this story :
A hunter, narrating his hair-breadth escapes
| to an admiring andience, said :
“I once had twoballs lodged in my stomach.”’
“ Pistol balls 77’ asked one.
HNo.!!
‘¢ Ah, musket balls, then ?’
‘* No,”’ returned the narrator; ‘‘ they were
as large as my fist.”’
“Why, you don't mean to say they were
cannon balls 7’ exclaimed] one of the hearers,
with distended eyes.
“* No, they were not cannon ballg.”’
“ Why. what were they, then 7’
* Codfish balls "’ returned the hunter, witha
grin.
R
A Mutton Mill.
A gentleman traveling in New York State
overtook a farmer dragging a lean, wretched
looking horned sheep along the road.
““ Where are you going with that miserable
animal 7"’ asded the traveler.
“Lm taking him to the mutton-mill, to have
him ground over, replied the farmer,
“The ¢ mutton-will,” I never heard of such a
thing. I will go with you and witness the pro
cess,”’ said the astonished traveler.
They arrived at the mill; the poor sheep was
thrown alive into the hopper and almost imme
diatcly disappeared. They descended into a
lower apartment; and in a few moments there
were ejected from a spout in the ceiling four
quarters of excellent wmutton, two skins of mor
rocco, a fur hat of the first quality, a sheep’'s
head handsomely dressed, and two eclegantly
carved powder-horns !
-) A W
REMARKABLE CIRCUMSTANCE.—A woman resid
ing at Burnliaven, while mending stockings,
broke her necdle, and one half of it entered her
leg near the knee. It could not be extracted,
and for several years gave her great pain, but it
gradually became less troublesome. She had
nearly forgotten it, when one end of it appeared
protruding close to her heel, so thatshe was able
to draw it out without difficulty. It had taken
eighteen years to travel from the knee to the
heel. Several instances of needles, ete.; travel
ing in this manner through the body have been
well authenticated.