Hammond gazette. [volume], September 07, 1864, Image 4

About Hammond gazette. [volume] (Point Lookout, Md.) 1862-1864

Image provided by: University of Maryland, College Park, MD

                
[From the Evening Post.]
THE BATTLE.
Give them a shell, boys, give them a shell !
They are coming over the hill, 4
You can see their widening columns swell,
You can hear their bugles trill.
Give them a shell, boys ! Aim her straight,
Ready—pull lanyard—off she goes !
Hear her skurry and scream in hate—
Puff! She’s done for a dozen foes !
Give them grape,.boys, give them grape !
The;{ are coming a little too near;
Each dusky bulk is gaining a shape,
And their tramp is loud and clear. :
Give them grape, bays, Steady ! Fire ! :
Now, boys go to work with a will,
Sifit that gun a little higher—
ight !|—a gap that twenty can fill | :
Give them lead boys, give them lead !
Up with the infantry, load, boys, load !
Where's Joe Lane 2—poor fellows, he’s dead—
Many of us must travel his road !
Give them lead, boys! on they come
With columns massed in fierce attack—
Think of your dear ones safe at home !
Stand by your guns, boys! Drive them back !
Give them steel, boys, give them steel !
They fight like devils-——at them again !
Their charge is broken—they pause—they reel !
After them, boys, with might and main !
Give them steel, boys—see how they run—
I’'m hit—just here—but never mind me ;
Lay me down by the side of that gun,
And after the rest with a three times three !
Give them a cheer, boi;s, give them a cheer !
Let them know we have won the fight.
I'm dying now—you can bury me here—
Dig deep, boys, and do it to-night.
There’s one at home, you can give her my sword,
(You know who I mean,) and say that I
Have always been true to my plighted word—
For my country and her I am glad to die.
e B
_How Tom Flinn was Acquitted.
A Kentucky advocate is defending his client,
who is charged with stealing a hank of yarn :
‘‘ Gentlemen of the jury, do you thiuk my
client, Thomas Flinn, of Muddy Creek and Mis
sissippi, would be guilty o’ stéalin’ a hank o’
cotting yarn? Gentlemen of the jury, I reckon
not—l g'pose not. By no means, gentlemen—
not atall. He are not guilty. Tom Flion!
Good heavings, gentlemen—jyou all know Tom
Flinn, and—on honor now, gentlemen—do you
think he'd do it. Thomas Flinn! Why, great
snakes and alligators! Tom’s a whole ieam on
Muddy Creek, and a hoss to let. And do you
think he’d sneak off with a miserable hank o’
cotting yarn? Well, gentlemen, I reckon not,
I B’pose not. When the wolves was a howling,
gentlemen, on the mountains o’ Kentucky, and
Napoleon .were a fighting the battles of Europe
==do you think my client, Thomas Flinn, gen
tlemen, could be guilty o’ heokin’—jyes hookin’.
Tom Flinn! Gentlemen, I reckon I know my
client, Thomas Flinn! He's got the fastest nag
and the purtiest sister, gentlemen, in all Muddy
Creek and Mississippi! That gentlemen, are a
fact. Yes, gentlemen, are a fact. You can bet
on that, gentlemen. Yes, gentleman, you can
bet your bones on that! Now, ’pon honor,
gentleman do you think he are guilty ! Gentle
men, I reckon not, I s’pose not. Why, gentle
men of the jury, my client, Thomas Flinn, am
no more guilty o’ stealing that are hank o’ cot
tin yarn than a toad are a tail |—yes, a tail,
gentlemen !’
Verdict for the defendant.
e -t
s Dodyon mean to insult me sir, by
oallmg your dog by my name ?”
** O, no, sir, not at all; I only meant
to insult the dog!” -
Driftings.
eey A At
veree A fellow who was arrested for
stealing a shirt, put in the following de
fenee:
T did not steal the shirt—Tl was pass
ing along by the store, I saw the shirt
hanging up and then I took hold of it, it
dropped down into my hands. and I knew
that if I stood there with it, people who
saw me would believe that I meant to steal
it ; so I ran off to prevent suspicion being
attached to me.”
+veeee A young man once fell in love
with an heiress, and the passion being re
turned, it only wanted the parent’s con
sent to make iim happy. At length, meet
ing the father, he asked for the daughter’s
hand.
‘‘How much money can you command 7"
asked the millionaire, grufily.
1 can’t conrmand much,” was the re
ly.
T What are your expectations ?”’
‘““ Well, to tell the truth, I expect torun
away with your daughter, and marry her,
if you don’t give your consent.”
eeess. A clergyman, while engaged in
catechizing a number of boys in a class,
asked one of them for a definition of matri
mony. The reply was:
¢ A place of punishment where some
souls suffer for a time before they can go to
heaven.”
** Good boy,” said the clergyman, take
your seat.”
ee... An Irishman who had returned
from Italy, where he had been with his
master, was asked in the kitchen :
““Yea, then, Pat, what is the lava 1
hear the master talking about ?”
‘* Only a drop of the crater,” was Pat’s
witty reply.
eeeess ““Does Mr. Wilson live here 7”
‘“ Yes,” was the reply of Mr. W’'s wife,
‘“ but he is not at home to-day.”
1 know he’s not &t home now, but he
will be very soon, for I have got him here
dead in the wagon.”
e.eerr A loafer took a fish in the market
house and slipped it under his vest. The
tail hanging c{’own so as to be seen, the
first man he met suggested to him that he
should either wear a longer jacket or steal
a shorter fish.
..... An exchange says it is just as sen
sible a move to undertake to get married
without courting as to attempt to succeed
in business without advertising. True as
preaching.
eesss An American writer, dwelling up
on the importance of small things, says
that he afvovays takes ‘‘note even of a
straw.” Especially, perhaps, if there’s a
sherry cobbler at the end of it.
veeees“ You always lose your temper in
my company,” said an individual of doubt
ful reputation to a gentleman.
. 'lPrue, sir, and I should’nt wonder if I
lost everything I have about me.”
.5... Jones complained of a bad smell
about the post office, and asked Brown
:hat it could bi? Brown did not know,
ut suggested that it might be caused b
the ¢ Swl letters.” . '
A Scrue-AEADED boy having been brought up
before the court as a witness, the following col
loquy ensued :
“* Where do you live ?’’ said the judge.
“Live with mother.”’
““ Where does your mother live?"’
‘ She lives with father."
“ Where does he live?"’
‘“He lives with the old folks.”
“‘Where do they live?’ says the judge, get
ting red, as an audible snicker goes round the
room.
““ They live 't home.”’
“ Where in thunder’s their home ?’’ roars out
the judge. .
““That's where I'm from,”” says the boy,
sticking his finger in a corner of his cheek and
slowly closing one eye on the judge.
“ Here, Mr. Constable,”” says the Court,
‘‘take the witness out and tell him to travel ;
he evidently does not understand the nature of
an oath.
“You'd think differently,’”’ says the boy,
going toward the doorway, ‘‘if I was once to
give you a cussin’.”’
Par’s Evasive Answer.~Patrick O'Neil, .
became joined in *‘ the holy bands of wed
lock,” was in the service of Father Conley.
One day the pricst expected a call from a
protestant minister, and he wished some
excuse to get rid of him. So calling Pat
rick he proceeded to give him some in
structions :
Patrick,” said he, *“ if that minister
comes here to-day I don’t wish to see him.”
““ Yes, yer riverence.”
< Make some excuse, and send him
away.”
~ *“ What shall T tell him ?”
¢ Tell him I am not at home.”
i - Would you have me to tell a lie, your
riverence ?”’
o 2 No, Patrick, but get rid of him some
way—give him an evasive answer.”.
¢ An evasive answer, is it! I will do it.”
¢ You understand me, Patrick ?”
¢ Av coorse, your riverence.”’
The matter was arranged, Father Con
ley retired to his library, and Patrick went
iabout his duties. About dusk in the af- ‘
ternoon the Priest cam e out of his room !
‘and found Patrick in unusual good spirits.
- Well, Patrick, did the minister call to |
see me to-day ?” |
“ Xis, sir.” |
‘“ And did you get rid of him ?”
I .did,-sir.”
~ ““ Did he ask if I was in ?”
. Ko did, Wr.”
~ ** And what answer did you give him ?”
- I gave him an evasive answer.”
~ ““ An evasive answer, Patrick 1’ !
““ Yes, yer rivercnce. He asked was ye |
in, and I told him was his grandmother a
monkey.”
eer.. When you go to kiss—first grasp
with haste around the waist, and hug ber
tight to thee ; and then she’ll say ¢ do go
away—do, won’t you let me be ¥’ Then,
oh, what bliss! but never miss so good &
chance as that; then make a dash, a8
quick as flash, and—Georgie hold my hat.
vee.. A married monster said that he
lately dreamed that he had an angel byhis
side, and upon waking up found it wasé 00~
body but his wife. |