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The Louisiana Democrat. (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, March 26, 1890, Image 1

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"The World is Governed Too Much."
NIE,i L. lI0SSlT, Business Ianager. ALEXANDRIA, LOUISIANA, WEDNESDAY. MARCH 26, 1890. VOL. XLV.-NO. 13.
Wsnted--amailenI whoe Puritan neatness
Vies with the fasllion pl-ate's studieid contl
Who socially poses with recognized sweet.
Wanted-a lady, you know.
Wanted-a maideln who knows French anti
Who solar or lunar eelipse can deterhllno,
Who ran swiftly make absrtract of lecture or
serlmon ;
Wanted-a lady, you know.
,tanted-a maiden whose deftness of finger
Makes her ot falt with piano or Singer.
Who never allows dust or cobwebs to linger;
Wanted-a lady, you know.
Wanted--a maiden whose tart in the kitchen
Mlakes breakfast and lunches and dinners
hew itching,
Who knows how to do a "girl's" work with
out "hithing"
Wanted-a lady, you know.
Wanted-a maiden whnr, by her conlfession,
Can aid in support without household di.
Whohas either trade or an an art or profes
Wanted-a lady, you know.
Will agree to send a cabinet carte whlen I
write her,
And may with regard to my "prospects" en
light her;
Will not seek divorce, but will surely re
quite her
It ahe proves sucht a lady, you know.
-Libby Adams Turner, in Judge.
It Wont to the Wrong Party, Much
to My Discomfort.
An offer of marriage is a delicate thing
to indite; but when I had written mine
to Miss Marian Lee I felt that it was,
take it all in all, a very tolerable comn
It was a warm day, and I had no par
ticular fancy for the long walk to the
post-office, and just then I heard my sis
ter Augusta call to the nurserymaid,
whom she always addressed as "Bob
bins," though, of course. she had some
baptismal name of her own.
"Take these invitations to the post
office, Blobbins," she said. "' f you hurry
you'll catch the last mail."
I was not anxious that mny sister should
see the address on the letter and com
ment on it, and I waited until she re
turned to the house, and then slipped
out of the library and called Jack.
"Jlack," said I, "run after Bobbins
and give her this letter."
,lack snatched it and obeyed me. I
saw him hand tile letter to IBobbins. I
saw her turn and look at me. Even at
that distanco the sly look in her flat,
blue eyes struck me, and I saw her put
it carefully in her pocket and walk on.
My heart began to beat furiously. I
had done the deed, I had cast the die.
All I could do was to wait. I did wait.
A day passed-two-three-and still no
reply. Under ordinary circumstances I
should have called; but, with that let
ter pending, of course that was impossi
Iendeavored to possess my soul with
patience. eicing so occupied with my
own thoughts, it was some time before I
noticed that Bobbins was behaving her
self in a very peculiar way.
At last one evening, as I sat upon the
porch in the twilight, smoking a cigar,
and wondering when I should get a reply
to my letter, Bobbins fluttered out in a
mniraculously-lluted cap and apron, and
sidled into the corner behind me.
"It's Master Jack's hat as he left hout
'ere," she explained. But though she
found the hat, she still remained in the
I moved my chair that she might pass
more easily, but this was not evidently
what she wanted, for in a moment a
small pink claw rested on my shoulder,
and the voice of its owner said: "Oh,
Mr. Reginald, 'ow 'appy I ham, to be
"I'm very glad to hear it, Bobbins,"
said I.
"And don't you think, sir," said she,
"that when a young person 'as not the
pen of a steady writer, hIanswers by
word of mouth is far moro satisfactory a
to them as is in love, and waiting for v
them anxious like." I
I knew that Bobbins had a sweetheart, I
who did something athletic in a sugar
warehouse, and was spoken of by the
other servants with admiration on ac- i
count of his size, hut I had not expected a
to receive her confidence in the matter.
Was it possible that she discerned in h
me that fellow-feeling which makes us -
allakin? At all events I could answer
her as one who know. s1
"Yes, Bobbins," said I; "never intrust si
to the postman what you can do with t
your own tongue."
"And if you think so, sir," said Bob
hins, "the dificulty of a want of hearly a
heducation is hovercome, and I kin re- w
ply werbatum, as I hoard may master say W
the other day, and my reply is this: Ilif ni
you loves me as I loves you no knife can
cat our 'arts in two." p
Both sensible and poetical, Bob
bins," said I.
)"Oh, what a love you are!" said Ilob- t
bins, patting me on thie cheek.
Bobbins was an absurd little creature, el
bat she was a girl and I was a youting
ian. It seemed to me at that moment a
the proper thing to kiss Bobbins, and I w
didlit. At that moment the voice of my h
loved nephew Jack sounded behind aR
"W'here is my hat?" it squealed.
And Bobbins fled, with much show of dr
trelidation, while I dusted my lips, con- I h
act with bBobbins' check having proved
to them that she was not behind her q
betters in the use of violet powder.
That evening Jack distinguished him
elf by making a statement that "Uncle or
hRicy bad a mash on Dobbins," for sI
whieh vulgarity I am glad to say, he dr
ws Promptly sent to bed, explaining ga
b hwen his sobs, however, that "he sc
a-w him kiss her."
hMy sister was very grave with me at
ihat evening; but Bobbins was so cu- pi
Soips rim and ยท- positively plain, and
" opinion of her seemed so thoroughly s
tbished, that I was not long under hi
P cion, and having escaped this time
a *rtefmined not to allow Bobbins te
_tplw hne in a false position again. w
&n th as W why when I saw her the it
5t07 "niggling," up the garden path sc
b,,. tan usually affected fashion, tl
'hLaa a the carriage-house. g
, Mg lel l)l O rem her athletio
sweetheart, and he was coming toward
the gate in what seemed to be a rather
unpleasant state of mind. However,
that was nothing to me, and I came from
my retirement in an unconcerned fash
ion, whistling, and expected that Bob
bins' young man would be sensible
d enough to steer himself out of the way.
However, he did not. He came straight
on, his fist doubled, his brows bent, his
lower jaw protruding, and our toes met,
and my eyes on a level with his scarf
pin--a small golden hogshead. Then
he stood still, and it was my intention
that he should "turn to the right, as the
law directs," and not I. I stood still
"What do you mean by this here?"
said he, in low and awful tones. "Come
now-I want to know."
"What has happened to you, my good
man?" I asked, in as sarcastic and ex
asperating a manner as I could assume.
"l)o you know who I am?" asked he.
"I have understood that your reason
for being about the premises now and
then was Bobbins," I said.
"IIo!" said he. "And ain't there
nothin' saycrid in your 'ristycritic
heyes? Ilain't a poor man's young lady
has much 'is own as a sweel's is?"
"Rather more, generally," said I.
And then the honest look in the wrath
ful giant's eyes touched me. I was a
lover also, and know the pangs that
doubt of his chosen fair may make a
man endure.
"Come," said I, "I can not pretend
to misunderstand you. You are talking
about my sister's maid-Bobbins. Has
somehody told you that I-"
I paused; I scarcely knew how to ex
press myself.
"She's that uplifted," said the giant,
his under lip quivering, "as I don't
know her. She was willing enough to
have me six months ago; but now that
you hoffers 'er the opportunity of rising
habove her station, her hairs or horful.
'Owever, if she takes you, she takes you
spiled as to beauty-hof that I warns
"My goxod friend," said I, "I'm not
afraid of you; but I assure you that I
don't want Bobbins to take me. I've
not made love to her; she is quite mis
taken. Nothing could induce me to
marry her, and I have no wish to be
guile her into impropriety. Now you
mention it, I remember that her man
ner did indicate some such suspicion.
She's an idiot to dream of such a thing."
The giant's face relaxed.
"Iif it's all her vanity, and you swear
to it, I don't care a snap of my finger-tip
habout it!" said he. "lIi'll play the
same game hon 'er, and she'll he glad to
summon me back when she finds out her
"No doubt," said I.
"And she'll 'ave to summons," said
the giant. "I ain't goin' beggin' myself.
Women folks is allers up to somethin'
'igh or low. Don't you find it so your
self, sir?"
"I do," said I.
"No hoffense, then," said he.
I nodded, and we parted.
Bobbins was certainly a very imagina
tive young woman, but I was warned,
and therefore armed against her.
When I met her I looked over her
head; when she threw herself in my way
I walked the other. I wore a doleful
countenance, I imagine, for my letter to
Marian had never been answered, and I
had decided that this was her gentle
way of declining my offer; and I cer
tainly felt as miserably as I looked.
However, I could not escape my fate.
One morning, when my sister had
taken lJack, Blobby and their maid out
for a ride, I sat in the library, writing
some business letters, when the door
opened softly and a little old woman en- 1
tered the room. She carried a large and
bulgy blue umbrella in one hand and a I
palm-leaf fan and *n immense pocket
handkerchief in the other. She
courtesied to me, waving the fan and
handkerchief as she did do, shut the
door and advanced toward me.
"There is always heaves-droppers in
a great 'ouse like this," she said, "and
what I 'ave to say is conferdenshul. If
I am not mistooken, you har Mr.
Regynuld Thompson?"
"That's my name," said I.
"lie!" said she, placing her umbrella
in an upright position against my desk,
and seating herself in an arm-chair;
"very well, sir. When I tell you that I
ham Missus Bobbins-Miss Bobbins' mar
you will hunderstand why I am here."
"Not in the least, madam," said I. "I
should have supposed that that relation- c
ship woul' lead you to the nursery, not t
to the library." 0
Mrs. Robbins waved her handkerchief.
"My darter told me you was as 'ard as o
a stone. No matter, she 'as a parent as v
will see her righted. Air you trifling h
with my darter's affections or air you
"Certainly not," said I. "I have ex- p
plained to her sweetheart that I don't
want to cut him out, and it's all right."
"Oh," said Mrs. Robbins, "Jim is hat tj
the bottom of it, is 'e?"
"No doubt." said I" "I am rnot, at all
events." t
"Hio!" said Mrs. Bobbins. "IIo! You a
are a willin', then? You air 4fling 4
with 'er young 'art? 'Apply, the law l(
hoffers hus redress. She has proofs (
against you, sir; and she will go into 1
court of justice, sir, and constitute aa
case of breach of promise, and win d
dlamages and publish you, sir, to the q
hull world for what you air." * a
"I never saw or heard any thing g
quite so abominable as this," said I- sl
"never." tI
"My lawyer-for I 'ave one-shall call r
on you before the sun sets to-morrer," h
said Mrs. Bobbins. "You shall rue the a
day you trifled with a poor but honest j
url. IIi leave you to your con- a
science." i
She waved her fan and handkerchief w
at me, caught up her umbrella and de- a
parted. F
"~What a fool I was to kiss that girl!" hi
said I. "Aiid what an idiot she must r
That evening my sister and my sis- t(
ter's husband followed me to the library w
with such an evident intention of see- f
ing me that my heart sank in my bo- e
som. They olosed the door and seated tl
themselves before me, and Augusta be- ti
gon the attack. J
d all mean? You haven't really fallen in
r love with Bobbins? You don't want to
r, marry her? What would ma say, and
n aunt Pellico and brother William? Oh,
t- Reggy, say it is not so!"
- "Why the deuce should I want to
e marry that little fright?" said I. "Have
r. I given you reason to fancy my taste so
t poor? A girl who never opens her mouth
s without making a ludicrous mistake,
t, too, and your children's nursery maid!
Marry her, indeed!"
n "I am relieved," said Augusta. "But
a still you have done very wrong. You
o have made love to her; you have led her
.1 to believe your intentions honorable
She was confided to my care by a wid
" owed mother, with excelent references
o from a London clergyman, and I am re
sponsible for her safety to a certain do
I gree; and she assures me that you made
solemn offer of your heart and hand to
her, and after leading her to bestow
caresses upon you, jilted her."
a "Very wrong, Reggy-very wrong!"
1 added my brother-in-law.
"Shocking, you know-shocking!"
a "At all events, it is a lie. Your re
c spectable young woman is a blackmailer
y of the worst sort," said I.
"She has proof, Reginald," said my
"Ah!" said I. "Ring for her, and let
a us see what she has to say,"
t It's too cruel!" said Augusta. "She
i has a heart, if she is poor."
But I had rung the bell and requested
I the girl who answered to send Bobbins
to the library.
3 "Well, Bobbins," I said, facing her as
she entered, "it appears that you have
- circulated the report that I asked you
to marry me. What do you expect to
gain by such a monstrous falsehood?"
t "Indeed, mum," said Bobbins, ad
dressing my sister, "I can prove the
t fact. I was engaged to be married, hin
deed I was, hands it's broke off on ac
count of 's doings. Ili never would
have thought hit, being brought up to
s keep my place, but for 'is words and
deeds; and 'ere it is mum, hin black
t and white, as plain as your prayer
[ book, hand 'is name hat the hend,
3 which you may read it for yourself."
- She took a note from her pocket as
she spoke, and offered it to my sister.
"This is your writing, Reginald,"
t she said.
I dashed forward and gazed upon the
missive. It was the offer of marriage I
had written to Miss Marian Lee nearly
a month before-the one I had sent to
r the neost-office by Bobbins.
"What are you doing with this?"
3 asked I. "It is an offer of marriage; I
admit it. You have all read it, but it is
intended for some one else. I have been
waiting for an answer to it ever since I
gave it to you to take to the post-office.
This is a pretty trick, indeed!"
Bobbins looked at me solemnly.
"It was the day you sent your invita
tions to the lawn party, Augusta," I
said. "I told Jack to give the note to
Bobbins to post. She has kept and
opened it and taken aivantaage of its
contents. A note addr'essed to Miss
Marian Lee was--"
"No, I beg pardon, sir!" said BIobbins,
who was now a pale shrimp-pink from
chin to crown, "hit was not addressed
to nobody. Master Jack honly said:
'here's a letter has Uncle Reginald says
hi'm to give you;' hand, 'aving no had
dress, I thought it was to me."
"Is your name Marian?" I asked.
"No, sir," said Bobbins, "but hit is
Mary lIann, and I thought 'Marian, my
hangel,' was your poetical and romantic
way of writing in a hoffer of your 'and
and'art. 'Ere's the envelope, blank."
This was the explanation-in my agi
tation I had forgotten to direct my love
My sister's sympathy was all for Bob
bins. I wasted none on any one but my
self. How I had suffered that weary
That very evening I made my offer
verbally-as all offers should he made
and Bobbins long ago married her dis
carded giant, and even condescended to
receive a wedding present at my hands.
--IIome Queen.
Her Feculiar Exuerience with a High
Priced Hoston Lawyer.
About six years ago there was a very
pretty little woman who resided in
Clhapman, near by Berkeley street. She
was the personification of health and
vivacity, and appeared to be getting out
of life all that's worth living for. Blut
there came a day of evil at last, and, if
one may judge on tihe testimony of a
most estimable physician, the remainder
of her days were to be passed as an in
valid. It seems that while tripping
home one day in the edge of the even
ing, and not paying particular attention
to where her footsteps led, she sudden
ly found herself spread at full length in
the slimy gutter. She was rendered un
conscious by the shock, and an examina
tion showed that she had sustained very
serious internal injuries, from which she
would never entirely recover. In due
time she filed a claim for damage
against the city through counsel, and
was awarded $1,000. There was a
lengthy and heated debate before
the city council as to the amount
the injured woman was entitled to, but,
after hearing the testimony of several
doctors who had become personally ac
quainted with the nature of the claim
ant's injuries, it was finally decided to
give her the sum abova mentioned. A 1
short time after the money was paid,
the invalid called upon a well-known
member of the city government, who
had taken a deep interest in the case,
and inquired of him what fee, in his
judgment, ought her counsel to have
asked. HIe replied $250 was the very
limit. Iis surprise can be imagined
when she told him that 8750 of the
award had been retained by the la, yer.
Filled with indignation at what he be
lieved to be little short of downright
robbery, he immediately set on foot
legal proceedings to compel the lawyer
to disgorge part of, the funds he had
withheld from his client. The suitthat
followed aroused unusual publin inter
est, and as the facts were developed in
the course of the trial popular indigna
tion against the lawyer ran very high.
Judgment was awardied in favor 1 the
Splaintift-RQosoton Haer-a
SI've bin pesterd thinkin about it, Frend Ben,
And I wanted ter wright you, agen and agen;
For its plagy perplexin. You see how it is,
The boys at the shop think thares suthin amiss
And they ast arkard qwestions bout what you
are doin,
Wile they are continally frettin and stewin,
3 For wurk at the place is alarminly slack,
I And but hat of the hands on last Mondy went
'Laid off on account of stagnashun." In
HIle was sorry to do it." I marched with the
t boss
And held up one end of the banner, September,
r Eighteen-eighty-eight, and I clarly remember
The letterin on it-t-was: "Workin-men say
They want steady wurk and abundence of pay,
And holdin to this reserlution. intend
To vote for the party that stands as thare frend."
We did it-the party went in, but I gess
That the promises got kinder lost in the press
For the offices; sartinly nothins bin done
For the boys at our shop. They had lots of fun
With the banners and tortchlights in "whoopin
up" days;
Now some on 'em qwestions as wether it pays
To continner to do it-and all of the stack on
Have a vage sort o' feelin yure partys went back
on em.
Now, Ben, I voted foryou and am greevin
That my shop-mates suspect you were only de
And I wish when youve time twixt appointin to
The heelers and wurkers, youdo see to our
For sum of the boys are inklined to be scrump
And praps, at the mildest, a little rambunk
And the use of sware turms is increasin a little
With the men who sit outside the shop-dore and
As for me, it is only the facts I'm relatin
Just facts, wile I sit on a stone cogitatin.
- J. D.Miller, in Puck.
Is Speaker Reed Guilty of Having Cast
an Anchor to Windwara?
Of course the desire to pass partisan
measures intended to perpetuate the Re
publican party in power has had a great
deal to do with the high-handed pro
ceedings of Speaker Reed and the ma
jority in the House of Representatives.
But the lobby has been, we think, a far
more potent factor in this wretched busi
ness. Under the rules which have pre
vailed in the House of Representatives
for many years it would not have been
impossible to carry through certain of
the jobs in which the Republican leaders
are interested. Under the rules as
adopted the most scandalous of them
have a good chance. They can not be
defeated by filibustering. They can
be carried by one more than a fourth
of the membership of the House, It is
not oven necessary that a constitutional
quorum shall be present. All that is
necessary is that the Speaker shall pre
tend that he sees a constitutional
quorum, and order the clerk to record
the same. Ile is not bound to heed any
protest, or to entertain any appeal.
Any motions intended to delay proceed
ings until a full House can be
secured, or to afford an opportu
nity for investigation or deliberation,
he may pronounce "dilatory" and refuse
to recognize. It will require only one
hundred members to make a quorum of
the committee of the whole, in which
"all motions or propositions involving a
tax or charge upon the people; all pro
ceedings touching appropriations of
money or bills making appropriations of
money or property, or requiring such
appropriations to be made, or autnor
izing payments out of appropriations al
ready made, or releasing any liability
on the United States for money or
property" must be considered. It would
be impossible to formulate a code of
rules more favorable to the jobbers and
public plunderers, who are now swarm
ing at Washington in greater numbers
than since the days of Grantism.
"The looting legislation which is con
templated," says a Washington telegram
to the New York World, "is something
to astonish the stoutest imagination.
Nothing like it has been known in the
history of the country." The following
partial list of looting measures already
introduced or spoken of is given:
Contractors who built gunboats for the Gov
ernment during the war are still begging for
more money. One of the claims (McKay's) was
allowed by Congress, and the bill was vetoed
by Mr. Cleveland. The Republicans will allow
all these, and no one knows the exact amount
involved. It will reach millions.
The building of the United States peniten
tiaries is a worthy object, but there is corrup
tion in the prestnt scheme, It will call for the
expenditure of $1,600,003.
The present cost of kleepingh'ederal prisoners
is $100,000 per annum. It will be twice as much
under the new system:
The Republicans intend to pass the direct
tax bill which Mr. Cleveland vetoed. This will
cost about 120,000.000.
They intend to pass the Blair educational
bill, which will involve an expenditure of $77,
Many millions will be granted as subsidies to
ships in the foreign carrying trade, and for
mail sern ice.
A general canal scheme will be entered upon
by the Federal Government. The Hennepin
canal alone will cost 11,000.000.
It is intended to add hundredr of millions to
the pension accouSt by the repeal of the limita
Stion in arrears act. The term fixed in the
original statute was 1880.
There will be passed the biggest river and
harbor bill at this session of Congress that the
country has ever known.
The Hale navy bill and the Dolph fortifica
tions bill involve at least $O0,000,000.
A service pension bill will be passed which
will call for an expenditure of 1200,000,000. It is
speakling within bounds to say that the thir
teen regular pension bills will aggregate not
less than $100,000,000 more than those of the last
The Pacific railroad funding scheme
Is omitted from the above list. Speaker
Reed is especially concerned about this
scheme, and will force it through at the
earliest opportunity. He will also use
hispower to pass the tariff bill which
the attorneys of the protected monopo
lies are fixing up for the ways and means
I committee.
Mr. Roeed has not set up as a Czar, nor
have the Republican leaders formulated
their infamous code of rules merely as
partisans. The work was done at the
instance of the lobby, and the lobby will
reap the benefits. We shall be sur
prised if Speaker Reed does not find his
single term in the chair as profitable as
were Mr. Blaine's years of service as
Speaker. And it will be remembered
that Mr. Blaine took the chair a poor
man and came out a millionaire.-In
dianapolis Sentinel.
---Perhaps President Harrison thinks
that he had t.o many friepds at the be
ginning of ble term: he is sucoeeding
remarkably in reducing ehe numbae
)Y19s1in~ton h'tlo.l }tOPIrPP [
Republican Plans to Force a National
Negro Issue on the Country.
Recent events indicate clearly that
the most influential men in the Repub
lican party have determined to create a
National race issue and force it on the
country-if possible for the leading is
sue of the campaign of 189'3. It by no
means follows that there will be such
an issue, for the sober patriotism of the
country will steadily resist its creation.
Should the attempt succeed, however,
the results will be far-reaching, and in
any event unfortunate. Nothing could
be less desirable than to divide the
country into two great National parties
for and against the negro. The unwill
ingness of the Democratic party to ac
cept such an issue and to take any atti
tude of hostility towards the negro has
thus far served only to encourage the
Republican leaders to become more
demonstrative in insisting that there is
a National negro issue Which the Demo
crats must meet.
We have no doubt that if the Repub.
lican party could succeed in its vicious
purpose it would be hopelessly demor,
alized. If it forced an issue of white
against black, putting itself forward as
an "Afro-American" party, it would be
defeated so thoroughly that there would
not be enough left of it to rally. But
the party winning on such an issue
would be equally demoralized by its
success. The American system of con.
stitutional government, sapped by civil
war in the last generation, could hard.
ly stand the strain of such a struggle in
this. What began in malice would end
in chaos.
No negro issue really exists in out
National politics, and it is a work of ex.
treme difficulty to manufacture one.
But the work has been persisted in for
many years, and misdirected effort to
create it has been redoubled as the
Democratic party has gained strength
on questions of taxation and the admin.
istration of Government. The success
of the Republican attempt is not im
possible, and it may be that instead of
outgrowing the politics of the civil war,
as it seemed likely we would from 1880
to 1888, we can only escape them by
greater convulsions.--St. Louis Re
Extracts from Governor Boles' Patriotic
Inaugural Address.
Any system of taxation the effect of
which is to take from one class and give
to another is necessarily a partial and
unequal distribution of public burdens.
If such a system is necessary because
none can be devised that is absolutely
fair to all classes, it is apparent its in
equalities should be confined to the low
est practical limit. This can be done by
confining its operation to the one pur
pose of raising absolutely necessary rev
enue and in no other way.
It is-probably true that the burdens of
an exorbitant protective tariff fall more
heavily upon Iowa than upon most of
her sister States. Such a tariff is neces
sarily in conflict with the best interests
of the one great industry which is the
chief hope and sustenance of her peo
ple. It increases the cost of nearly
every thing we buy and diminishes the
price of almost every thing we sell. It
obstructs our own ports against the im
portation of products we are compelled
to use and foreign ports against those
we produce and must send abroad. We
have followed this delusion of a pro
tective tariff until, with granaries over
flowing, with flocks and herds that man
can scarcely number, we are still poor,
because by artificial means the profits of
our own great industry have been d
pressed below their normal condition
that those of another might be elevated
above its own.
Let it be understood that the people
of this State demand cheap clothing,
cheap fuel, cheap implements of labor
insbort,cheap necessaries. That they are
not interested in cheap whisky or cheap
tobacco; and that if compelled to take
the latter cheap and the former dear
they will surely resent the injury, and
our labor will not be in vain.
-A black Republican will vote for
a white Republican, but a white Re
publican will not vote for a black Re
publican.-Loeuisvillo Courier-Journal.
-Senator Blair says it is a high
compliment to be called a crank. He
properly appreciates the only compli
ment he has ever received.-Philadel
phia Inquirer.
-If it were possible to put a label
upon every article affected by the tariff
and show just how much every buyer
was paying as a tribute to that policy,
tariff reduction would come in like a 1
cyclone.-St Paul Globe.
-In view of the numerous drunks
and disorderlies at Mr. Morton's "buf
fet" the quiet and orderly saloon men
at Washington must be glad that the (
Vice-President doesn't call his place a (
s3aloon.-Chicago Herald.
-Commissioner Raum is not gun
ning for the surplus quite so fiercely as
the late Corporal Tanner, but he wants
the scalp of the civil-service law. That
is about the kind of a refprmer the pub
lic took him to be.-Philadelphia Times.
- We observe that President Has.
rison is not appointing any negro post
masters or postmistresses at the North.
Why, oh! Why is this? Don't the peo
ple of the North want negro post*
masters and postmistresses?-Atlanta
The man who occupies the Presi
dential chair has never assented to the
maxim: "A public ofico is a publio
trust." In fact, he said in a speech dur*
ing the campaign of 1888: "It is not a
case of maxims but of markets."-Mil
waukee Journal
---Senator Ingalls, it is said, is pre
paring for another speech. Probably
he is going to explain why the black
man ten't prosperous in the Republican
State of Kansas, which he represents in
the Senate. Let her go, Senator.-Har
risburg (Pa.) Patriot.
- It is a lean year upon which the
Republican Government has entered,
and yet it is the year when the next
Congress must be elected. Explana
tions made upon the stump in th zomr
ing fall promise to be interpiba4p
wel9 asltcut-Bostono
What It Costs a Young ian to Go to an
Occasional Ball.
"What does it cost to rent a dress
The question came from a shabby
genteel young man yesterday afternoon,
who dropped in on a prominent cos
"What do you want to use it for, sir?"
queried the dealer blandly.
"Dancing party?"
"Yes. sir."
"For one night, $3. This is the price
of a full suit, trousers, coat and vest.
Without the trousers I will knock off a
dollar 'Do you want a suit now, sir?"
"Want it next week."
"Well, that's lucky. All orders for
this week are gone." ;
"Does any thing go with the suit?"
lueriod the young man softly.
"In what way?"
"Shoes, collar, shirt, necktie?"
"No, sir."
"Can you furnish the whole com
"For double the price, yes, sir; patent
leathers and all for double the price."
"A large sparkler for your shirt, 50
cents extra. There, that's just right,
$6.50. Thank you, sir. I'll have a first
class outfit ready on the day you men
"Big trade?" queried the reporter as
the young customer disappeared.
"Well, rather," said the dealer, smil
ing. "Thirty suits letout for that same
affair already. His order makes 31."
St. Louis Republic.
The Principals Exchange Spectacles and
Fight a Birch Tree for lHonor.
The four witnesses met at the bras
serie. They were old chums, having
served, along with the opponents, in the
same regiment of Hlussars. The condi
tions of the duel were soon settled; they
all agreed in preventing their two com
rades from cutting their throats for a
mere fribblo. At daybreak the antago
nists and their witnesses met in the
Verrieres woods, where the seconds, to
equalize the chances, insisted upon the
principals exchanging their spectacles,
for Duplanchot, who is long sighted,
can see farther than Bocornard, who is
short sighted. After a last attempt at
reconciliation the two friends, who
could not see at all, were placed in po
sition; between them stood a fine young
birch with smooth and suple stem.
The witnesses gave the final signal and
trotted off to sip a bocr in the neigh
boring villaga.
"Touched!" said Bocornard, as he
dealt a vigorous head stroke.
"Never!" replied Duplanchet, while
bestowing on his adversary a side stroke
which made the birch tree tremble.
The fight was continued with the most
cruel obstinacy till both looked black in
the face. In three-quarters of an hour'
the witnesses, on returning to the scene,
found them still fighting like grim
death, though completely exhausted.
Honor was, however, declared satisfied,
the fight ceased, the notched sabers
bore ample testimony to the equal p
prowess of both combatants, who now
became reconciled on the spot, and the
whole company adjourned to lunch.-
Paris L' Universal.
The First Scientificlo Society.
It was named the "Academy of the
Secrets of Nature," and was founded by
Baptista Porta, in 1560, The "Royal So
ciety for Promoting Natural Knowl
edge" wad founded at Oxford, in 1658.
From its records for 1660, the follow
ing curious entries are taken: "June
5th. His Grace the Duke of Bucking
ham promised to bringjnto the Society I
a piece of an UnicoTh's horn. June 1
14th. A circle was made with powder I
of unicorn's horn, and a spider sot in
the middle of it, but it immediately ran !
out several times repeated. The spider
once made some stay upon the powder, I
June 26th. Dr. Ent, Dr. Clark, Dr. God
dard, and Dr. Whistler were appointed
curators of the proposition to torment a
man presently with the sympathetic
powder. June 10th. The fresh hazell
sticks were produced wherowith the di
vining experiment was tried and found
wanting."-Christian at WVork."
Catholics in the Blritish Emplre.
According to the British Catholic Di
rectory for 1800 thebo estimated Catholic
population of the British empire is 9,
7;0,000. It is distributed as follows:i
Ireland, 3,013,000; England and Wales, I
1,360,000; Scotland, 327,000, and the colo
nies and dependencies, 4,130,000. The 1
distribution among the colonies and de
pendencies is as follows: America'
(Canada, Newfoundland, West Indies, i
etc.), 2,200,000; Australasia (Australia, i
New Zealand, etc.), 580,000; Asia
(British India, Ceylon, etc.), 1,044,
000; Africa (South Africa, Gold
Coast, Mauritius. etc.), 131,000; Eu
ropean colonies (Gibralta, Malta and
Gozo), 175,000. There are 25 archi
episcopal sees, 90 episcopal sees and 20
vicariates and prefectures apostolic.
Several writers assert that at least 6,
000,000 of the British Catholics are Irish,
-N. Y. Sun.
Number of Stitches in a Shirt.
The following singular calculation of
the number of stitches in a plain shirt
has been made by a Leicester seam
stress: Stitches in collar, four rows,
3,000; cross ends of same, 500; button
hole and sewing on button, 150; gather
ing neck and sewing on collar, 1,204;
stitching the wristbands, 1,228; ends of
wristbands, 68; puttonholes in wrist
bands, 148; hemming slits, 264; gather
ing sleeves, 840; setting on wristbands,
1,468; stitching on shoulder straps, 1,880;
hemming the bosom, 303; sewing inI
sleeves and making gussets, 3,050; sew.
ing up side seams of sleeves, 2,554;
cording bosom, 1,104; "tapping" the
sleeves, 1,526; sewing all other seams
and setting side gussets, 1,272; total
number of stitches, 20,649.-St. Louir
-While digging a trench in Bridge,
port, Conu., recently, a man discovezled
a sword, It was lound uwtler ten feet of
earth, anid had probably lain there fr:
Eonturies 'The style of make.dates
beok tq th~ time of the Yonot l io
Some of the Peculiarities or Men and
'Women Who Carry Mascots.
The cherished preservation of odd or
particular coins as pocke t-pieces is an
old and harmless sort of idolatry fre
quently indulged in by a large percent
age of humanity. Such souvenirs often
possess intrinsic value as well as le
gendary importance. but, whether rep
resented by a broad piece of gold or a
battered copper-token, all have associa
tions or little histories of peculiar in
terest to their owners. When these
treasures are under inspection in a
social way, remarks of the following
tenor are frequently heard:
"This is the first bit of silver I earned
when I left home."
"I found this half-penny near Shake
speare's tomb."
"Daniel Webster gave that Spanish
quarter to my father when a boy for
holding his horse."
"Here," said a man, noted for his un
thrift, "is the only money I ever saved,
and I wouldn't have saved that were it
not made of German silver."
It is the custom for many kind old
persons to say, while tendering a bright
piece of silver or gold to an emigrating
lad or lass: "Keep this in your pocket,
and you'll always have money."
The present and injunction are, per
hops intended for a practical suggestion
of thrift, although in most cases the
lesson is likely to be disregarded. Few
people posess the quality of economy to
an extent that will allow them to join
Shylock in his boast of ability to make
coins breed.
A large number of these coins strug
gle into the hands of New York money
changers, whose locations give them
daily opportunity of dealing with emi
grant arrivals. While speaking of this
incident in the business, one broker
said: "It used to give me a pang when
some poor fellow or woman would un
wrap a time-smoothed piece of foreign
money or remove a perforated one
from a chain or faded strip of
ribbon, and tearfull offer it for
sale or exchange. But one soon
loses sentiment in this business,
and in a matter-of-fact way, I simply
pay for the weight of most of such odds
and ends as you see heaped in that
tray. I've had cases wherein persons
who had struck prosperity have returned
after a long time to see if their keep
sakes could be identified and recovered,
but the crucible of the Assay Office had
generally put them beyond hope."
.Sometimes a special piece of money is
kept sight of with almost religious in
terest. Instances are known where
pawn-brokers have made advances often
enough on a revered coin to make the
interest exceed its nominal value many
times over. It is a case of indescribable
horror when the owner of a metalio
"mascot" or prized talisman has paid it
away in some unguarded moment. Hal
lowed heirlooms thus have been ruth
lessly swept into the coffers of an un
sentimental railroad or more profane
tills. This risk is always likely to pre
vail, regardless of the many ways of
safely storing such precious things.
Nine out of ten of the devotees of these
little gods would decline the use of
safe-deposit boxes or bank vaults, be
lieving as they do that the luck or
charm chances of the object only be
come potent by personal contact.-N.
Y. Tribune.
The Connection Between Poetry and
Combing the flair.
Most people would be incredulous if
they were told that there was any con.
nection between combing the hair and
poetry. There is, however, and the au
thority for the statement is no less a
personage than Isaac Vossius, a learned
but rather eccentric Dutch scholar, who
was canon at Windsor Castle under
Charles II. It is said of him that though
he was a preacher he believed in every
thing except the Bible, and though he
knew every language of Europe he
could not speak one of them correctly.
This in itself was enough tod distinguish
him from the common herd, but he also
had the good fortune to be at poet
though possibly a bad one. lie wrote
verses which luckily did not survive him
long, and he was also the author of a
Latin treatise on rhythm. Some copies
of this curious volume, published at Ox
ford in 1673, are still in existence. From
it we learn that Vossius took peculiar
delight in having his hair combed in a
measured or rhythmical manner. He
refers to this semi-intellectual, semi
physical pleasure as follows: "Many
people take delight in the rubbing of
their limbs, and the combing of their
hair; but these exercises would delight
much more if the servants at the baths,
and of the barbers, were so skillful in
this art that they could express any
measure with their fingers. I remem
ber that more than once I have fallen
into the hands of men of this sort, who
could imitate any measure of songs in
combing the hair, so as sometimes to ex
press very intelligibly iambics, trochees,
dactyls, and so on, from whence there
arose to me no small delight." Vossius
died February 10, 1688.-Chicago News
Trying to Cheat Nature.
While we should pronounce that man
mad who should endeavor to keep back
the waves at high tide. or secure sun
light without shadow, the sanest of us
are doing something of the same sort in
another direction. For example, a man
pursues wealth without counting the
cost. He foresees its pleasures, its ad
vantages, its opportunities, but not the
duties and responsibilities it will in
volve, nor the sacrifice of other and
perhaps higher things which its
eager pursuit will demand. Gradually,
without intending it, he resigns one
thing after ancther in his absorbing
work. Perhaps it is in his health, his
culture, his family fireside, or even his
self-respect. Presently he gains the ob.
ject of his hobase; but the happiness he
expected has meantime slipped away,
and the account is more than balanced
on the other side. He may not see his
losses with the same vividness that he
I sees his gains; but, if he is poorer in
health, or in powe', or in character, or in
diomestic hapInesq, he has overreaobed
biaself in 4$' vali endetVg 9 I Vw't
asrel-u T*b lear '

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