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BY MEYERS & MENGEL.
TERMS OF PUBLICATION. THRBKDFORD GAZSTTKIS published every Thurs day morning by MBVEES A Mizazi,, at $2.00 per a mum, if paid strictly tn advance ; $2.50 if paid within six months; $3.00 if not paid within six months. All subscription accounts MUST be settled annually. No paper will be sent out of the State unlees paid for n AKVANCE, and all such übscriptions will invariably be discontinued at the expiration of the time for which they are aid. All ADVERTISEMENTS for a less terra than three months TEN CENTS per line for each in ertion Special notices one-half additional All g -solutiins of Associations; communications of imited or individual iutcrest. and notices of mar riages and deaths exceeding five lines, ten cents per line. Editorial notices fifteen cents per line. All legal Notices of every kind, and Orphans' Court and Judicial Sales, are required by laic t be published in both papers published in this yl iice. AII advertising due after first insertion. A liberal discount is made to persons advertising by the quarter, half year, or year, as follows: 3 months. 6 months. 1 year ♦One square - - - $4 50 $5 00 $lO 00 Two squares - 600 900 16 00 Three squares - - - SOO 12 00 20 00 Quarter column - - 14 00 20 00 35 00 Half column - - 18 00 25 00 45 00 One eolumn - - - -30 00 45 00 80 00 ♦One square to occupy one inch of space JOB PRINTING, of every kind, done with neatness and dispatch. TUB GAZETTE OPPICB has just been refitted with a Power Press and new type, and everything in the Printing line can be execu ted in the most artistic manner and at the lowest rates —TERMS CASH. LiTAll letters should be addressd to MEYERS 4 MENGEL, Publishers Jfob rpilE BEDFORD GAZETTE POWER PRESS PRINTING EST A BLISHM ENT, BEDFORD, PA. MEYERS & MENGEL PROPRIETORS. Having recently made additional im proveinents it our office, we are pre pared to execute all orders for PLAIN AND FANCY JOB PRINTING, With dispatch and in the most SUPERIOR STYLE. CIRCULARS, LETTER HEADS, BILL > HEADS, CHECKS, CERTIFICATES, j BLANKS, DEEDS, REGISTERS, RE CEIPTS, CARDS, HEADINGS, ENVEL OPES, SHOWBILLS, HANDBILLS, IN- ! VITATIONS, LAB ELS,ire. \c. Our facilities for printing POSTERS, PROGRAMMES, &c., FOR CONCERTS AND EXHIB ITIoNS, ARE UNSURPASSED. "PUBLIC SALE" BILLS Printed at short notice. We can insure complete satisfaction as to time and price rjpilE INQUIRii BOOK STORE, opposite the Mengc! House, BEDFORD. PA. The proprietor takes pleasure in offering to the public the following articles belonging to the Book Business at CITY RETAIL PRICES : 31 ISC ELL A N EOUS 1 IGOK S. N O V E L S. BIBLES, IIYMN BOOKS, &0-: Large Family Bibles, Small Bibles. Medium Bibles, Lutheran Hymn Books, Methodist Hymn Books, Smith's Dictionary of the Bible. History of the Books of the Bible, j Pilgrim's Progress, Ac . Ac., Ac. Episcopal Prayer Sooks. Presbyterian Hymn Books, SCHOOL BOOKS. TOY BOOKS. STATIONERY, Congress, I- e gal, j Record. Foolscap, i Letter, Congress Letter, Sermon, Commercial Note. Ladies' Gilt. - Ladies' Octavo, Mourning, French Note, Bath Post, * Damask Laid Note, j Cream Laid Note, Envehqeea, Ac. WALL PAPER. Several Hundred Different Figures, the Largest lot ever brought to Bedford county, for saieat prices CHEAPER THAN EVER SOLD in Bedford. BLANK BOOKS. Day Books. Ledgers, Account Books, Cash Books, Pocket Ledgers, Time Books, Tuck Memorandums, Pass Books, Money Books. Pocket Books, Blank Judgment Notes, drafts, receipts, Ac INKS AND INKSTANDS. Barometer Inkstands, Gutta Percha, Cocoa, and Morocco Spring Pocket Inkstands, Glass and Ordinary Stands for Schools, Flat Glass Ink Wells ami Rack, Arnold's Writing Fluids, Hover's Inks, Carmine Inks, Purple Inks, Charlton's Inks, Eukolon for pasting, Ac. PENS AND PENCILS. Gillot's, Cohen's, llollowbush A Carey's, Payson, Dunton, and Bcribner's Pens, Clark s Indellible, Faber's Tablet, Cohen's Eagle, Office, Faber's Outtknecht's, Carpenter's Pencils. PERIODICALS. Atlantic Monthly, Harper's Magazine. Madame Dcmorest's Mirror of Fashions, Electic Magazine, Godey's Lady's Book, Galaxy. Lady's Friend, . Ladies' Repository, Our Young Folks, Nick Nax, Yankee Notions, Budget of Fun. Jolly Joker. Pbunny Phellow, Linpincott's Magazine, Riverside Magazine, Wavorly Magazine. Ballou's Magazine, Gardner's Monthly. Harper's Weekly, rank Leslie's Illustrated, Chimney Corner, New York Le iger, New York Weekly, Harper's Bazar, Every Saturday, Living Age, Putnam's Monthly Magazine, Arthur's Home Magazine, Oliver Optic's Boys and Girl's Magazine Ac. Constantly on hand to accomodate those who want to purchase living reading mattter Only a part of the vast number of articles per taining to the Book and Stationery business, which we are prepared to sell cheaper than the cheapest, are above enumerate 1. Give us a call We buy and sell for CASH, and by this arrange ment we expect to sell as cheap as goods of this class are sold anywhere Jang 1870. t &ht JitJforil (PaittU. sffiterftlnnroti*. LECT R I C TELEGRAPH IN CHINA. THE EAST INDIA TELEGRAPH COMPANY S OFFICE. Nos. 23 A- 23 Nassau Street, NEW YORK. Organized under special charter from the State of New York. CAPITAL *5,000,000 50.000 SHARES, SIOO EACH. DIREC T O R 9. Ho*. ANDREW G. CURTIN, Philadelphia. PAULS. FORRES, of Russell A Co., China. FRED. BUTTERFIELD, of F. Bu tterfield A C New York. ISAAC LIVKRMORE, Treasurer Michigan Cen tral Railroad. Boston. ALEXANDER HOLLAND, Treasurer American Express Company, New York. Hon. JAMES NOXON, Syracuse, N. Y. O. 11. PALMER, Treasurer Western Union Tele graph Company, New York. FLETCHER WESTRAY Westray, Gibbs A Hardoastle, New York. NICHOLAS MICKLES, New York. OFFICERS. A. G. CURTlN,President. N. MICKLES, Vice President. GEORGE ELLIS (Cashier National Bank Com monwealth.) Treasurer. HON. A. K McCLURE, Philadelphia, Solicitor. The Chinese Government having (through the Hon. Anson Burlingame) conceded to this Com pany the privilege of connecting the great sea ports of the Empire by submarine electric tele graph cable, we propose commencing operations in China, and laying down a line of nine hundred miles at once, between the following ports, viz : Population. Canton , 1,000,000 Mscoa fio:o0 Hong-Kong 250,000 Swatow 200,000 Atnoy 250.000 Foo-Chow 1,250,000 Wan-Chu 300,000 Ningpo 400.000 Hang Chean 1.200.000 Shanghai 1,000,000 Total 5,910,000 These ports have a foreign commerce of $900,- 000.000. and an enormous domestic trade, besides which we have the immense internal commerce of the Empire, radiating from these points, through its canals and navigable rivers. The cable being laid, this company proposes erecting land lines, and establishing a speedy and trustworthy means of communication, whieh must command there, as everywhere else, the commu nications of the Government, of business, and of social life especially in China. She has no postal system, and her only means now of coinmuuicating information is by couriers on land, and by steam ers on water. The Western World knows that China i 3 a very large country, in the main densely peopled; but few yet realize that she contains more than a third of the human race. The latest returns made to ber central authorities for taxing purposes by the local magistrate make her population Four hun dred and Fourteen millions, and this is more likely to be under than over the actual aggregate. Nearly all of these, who are over ten years old, not only can hut do read and write. Her civili zation is peculiar, but her literature is as exten sive as that of Eureps. China is a land of teach ers and traders; and the latter are exceedingly quick to avail themselves of every proflered facili ty for procuring early information It is observed in California that the Chinese make great use of the telegraph, though it there transmits messages in English alone. To-day great numbers of fleet steamers are owned by Chinese merchants, and used by them exclusively for the transmission of early intelligence. If the telegraph we propose connecting all their great seaports, were now in existence, it is believed that its business would pay tne Co9t wichin the first two years of its suc cessful operation, and would steadily increase thereafter No enterprise commends itself as in a greater degree renumerative to capitalists, and to our whole people. It is of vast national importance Commercially, politically and evangelically. stock of this Company has been un quH lifledly recommended to capitalists and busi ness men. as a desirable investment by editorial articles in the New York Herald, Tribune, World, 'times, Post, Express, Independent, and in the Philadelphia North, American, Press, ledger, Inquirer, Age, Bulletin and Telegraph. Shares of this company, to a limited number, may be obtained at SSO each, $lO payable down, sls on the Ist of November, and $25 payable in monthly instalments of $2.50 each, commencing December 1, 1868, on application to DREXEL & CO., 34 South Third Street, PHILADELPHIA Shares can be obtained in Bedford by applica tion to Reed A Schell, Bankers, who are author ized to receive subscriptions, and can givo all ne cessary information on the sqbject. sept2syl |] j combine style with neatness oi fit. And moderate prices with the best workmanship • I / | JONES' ONE PRICE CLOTHING HOUSE i 601 MARKET STREET, GEO W. NIEMANN. PHILADELPHIA. j jzopll ,'68,yl J I' T KTTER HEADS AND BILL I I HEADS, an.IKN VELOPESfor business men printed in the beat style of the art, at THI GZIITTM JOM OPPICM PRINTERS' INK fias made "many a businessman rich. We ask ate try it in lite 'olnmssof **■ dA ir *i> BEDFORD, PA., THURSDAY MORNING DECEMBER 2, 1869. £Jnj-600d$, &r. NEW GOODS JUST RECEIVED AT J. M. SHOEMAKER'S BARGAIN STORE. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M Shoemaker's Bargain Storo. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M . Shoemaker's Bargain Store. NEW GOODS just Received at J. M Shoemaker's Bargain Store. BUY vour Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing. Hat 3, Boots and Shoes, Queensware, Fish, Notions, Leather, Tobacco, Ac , at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes Queenswaro, Leather, Fish, Notions. Tobacco, Ac., at J. M Shoemaker's Bargain Store BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes. Queensware. Notions, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac, at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing, Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware, Notione, Leather, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M Shoemaker's Bargain Store BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing. Hats, Boots and Shoes, Queensware, Notions, Leathar, Tobacco, Fish, Ac., at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store BUY your Dry Goods, Groceries, Clothing. Hats, Boots* and Shoes. Queensware. Notions. Leather, Tobacco, Fish Ac., at J. M. Shoemaker's Bargain Store. Bedford, Pa., June 11. 1869. TO CASH BUYERS. NOW IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY to SAVE your GREENBACKS ! Go SEE and BE COSVIKCRD! G. R. OSTER & 00. are now receiving a LARGE and SUPERIOR X STOCK of new and desirable X H WINTER GOODS, a and are now OFFERING EXTRAORPINARV IN- DCCEMENTS for CASH 1 EN GC BRING ALONG YOUR GREENBACKS and we X <\ U -e will guarantee to SELL you GOODS as CHE AP NJ as the SAME MAKE, STYLE and QUALITY can r_. be sold in CENTRAL PENN'A. DON'T FAIL to call and get posted on, the new CASH prices before you BUY.—; IT WILL SAVE YOU MONEY, Bedford, Nov. 18, 1889. m 3. TO CASH IH YERST COAL! MITCHELL & IIAGGERTY, Shippers and DEALERS IN COAL, HARRISBURG, PA., Would respectfully beg the attention of consumers of Anthracite coal to the purity and cleanliness of that which we are now sending to Bedford. n0v4,'69m3 SPI DLE & MINNICH, PAINTERS, PAPER-HANGERS, Ac. The above firm are prepared to do all kinds of PLAIN and FANCY PAINTING, GRAINING, and everything in that line, in town and country. Paper hanging promptly atended to. Shop on the corner of Pitt and Richard streets opposite Hartley A Metzger's Uariward store. oe!2Syrl. DR. GEO. C. DOUGLAS will give prompt attention to all professional business submitted to his care. Especial attention given to Obstetrics, Diseases of Women, and all Chronic diseases OFFlCE:—Opposite Inquirer building. Resi dence at Maj. Washsbaogn's. Office hours from 10 to 11 A. M , and 4tosP. M. augl9,'69tl. %bt IMFTML CSA ztttt. HOW WK BAGGED THE BI'SIIWHAUK ERS. We arrived at about a half mile from where they had bivouacked for the night ;from the top of a hill over which the turnpike ran we could plainly see their large camp fire glimmering thro' the trees, but could distinguish nothing further. Imagining that they must at least have taken the precaution of sta tioning a sentinel on the road, I in structed one of the darkies to creep for ward and ascertain the fact, while with my squad I cautiously advanced about a quarter of a mile further on. Ned soon returned, and reported that there was a man slowly walking up and down the road about a hundred yards from camp each way, though beseemed to be doing rather drowsy duty. Upon this intelligence I formed nay plan of attack. At the suggestion of one of my sergeants I took down suffi cient wire from a disused line of tele graph, and selecting two favorable trees growing on either side of the road, 1 extended the wire thrice doubled across it, some two feet from the ground, so as to trip up their horses, if, as they would probably do, they should attempt to es cape along the road. This spot was a bout two hundred yards from tiiecamp. Leaving my best sergeant with six men to guard this pit-fall, with full instruc tions how to proceed in every emergen cy I could imagine, I then, with the rest of my men, and guided by Ned, made a long circuit around, so as to strike the road about the same distance beyond the camp. Ilcre I set up a sim ilar wire trap, and left another six men and a sergeant to guard that, with the same instructions. All this we were fortunate enough to accomplish with out attracting the attention of the sen tinel, who seemed to be more than half asleep, and was paying as little heed to outside matters as he was unsuspicious of danger. I then led the rest of my men by an other circuit, still under Ned's guid ance, to the rear of the eamp, so as to fall upon them from the side opposite the road, and oblige them to take flight towards one or other of my two snares. Thus far all had succeeded admirably, and I began to feel elate in the prospect of capturing the whole party without firing a shot, when a mishap occurred which came near marring our whole plan. One of my men, a kind of a nervous, excitable fellow, though brave and reliable in other matters, seemed to be constantly anxious lest his piece was not loaded or primed right, and kept perpetually fussing with it to be sure of its being in proper condition. And just in the nick of time, as such things always do happen, when we were within a hundred yards of the quietly sleeping party, BANG went this idiot's gun. I could have pummelled him soundly then and there, hut we had no time to lose. The shot, of course, alarmed the Bushwhackers, who un luckily seemed to be resting on their arms, and all prepared for aeontingen cyin everything but watchfulness; and although I at once gave the order, and we rushed forward with a cheer the in stant after the shot fell, every man of them was in the saddle before we reach ed the spot. But they were sufficiently taken by surprise to have no idea of re sistance, and when we stopped at about twelve yards and poured a volley into them, they every man but one, whose horse was shot under him, wheeled a bout and galloped down the road tow ards my second ambush. This was all I wanted, and we followed on at a run, shouting with ail our might and main. By the time we had got about half way towards my trap we heard a regu lar tramp of the horses turn into a kind of a confused, scrambling noise, mixed with oaths and screams, and immedi ately followed by a volley and a rous ing cheer from my six boys who were watching it. The other party, accord ing to directions, now came posting down to join us, and when I reached the spot, a few seconds after, I found a perfect pile of horses and men in the road, who had scarcely recovered from their surprise and stunning tumble. We made a rush upon them, and club bing such as offered resistance, with little pains captured the whole party; for so completely paralyzed were they by their topple over the wire that they fired but six or eight shots before we had disarmed them all. Having stripped 'hem of their weap ons 1 sent a couple of men after such of the horses as had made their escape; and they were easily caught, as, hav ing recovered from their scare, they were mostly grazing by the roadside. We then counted prisoners and casual ties. The fellow who tumbled at the camp had been captured by Ned and his comrade. Four of their number were hit, one badly through the body, the others slightly—one being a fellow I had cut in the arm with my sword, as he raised his revolver at me when we ran in upon them at the close. Only one of our own men was hurt, a ser geant, who was shot in the leg by one of the guerillas before he could club him down with his musket. This was doing pretty well, considering the hand to hand fight we had had. and especial ly as we had captured eight men. The three others had boen sent further on by the offieer of the gang, on a plun dering tramp, but not thinking it best to pursue them myself, I sent an un hurt sergeant with six men to hunt them up. Three of the horses had been hit or lamed, so that we had to leave them behind, to the no small gratifica tion of the negroes. Then mounting such of the wounded men as could still ride on the remain ing horses, and taking the door of an adjoining barn off its hinges, aud cov ering it with blankets, as a stretcher for the badly wounded man, I made the four able-bodied prisoners hoist it on their shoulders and carry hi in along in the centre of the column. I need not say that I took care to choose the best beast for myself; having done which we sett out on the homeward journey, puffed up with vanity in no small degree. It was now full daylight, and as we could see for some distance over the sparsely wooded country, I dispensed with the harrasjmig duty of flankers and under the influence of success my men dispite loss of sleep, a long march, and an exciting combat, made along at a pace of two miles and a half an hour. The negroes followed us some distance u ith theircries of 4 Hallelujah,' and 4 Lord he glorified ,' feasting their eyes quite as proudly as we on the crest-fallen prisoners. By breakfast time we rc|>orted at camp amid the wildcat acclamations of delight and gratulation from our comrades, who now for the first time, saw "live rebs," and envied our suc cess not a little. And here occurred a little/raccw, which illustrated so well Colonel Stadeliu'S ideas of disipline and the rights of officers that I may as well mention the affair. As we filed iuto camp we were, of course, instantly surrounded by crowds of enlisted men, and a group of officers stood a little further off. While I left my squad in charge of the prisoners for an instant, to step up and report to the Colonel, one of them began taunt ing a rebel, using toward him some ve ry mean and unsoldierly epithets. At first the prisoner answered no tyord ; but, finally, nettled at the un manly insult, he turned upon bis ag gressor exclaiming: "D—n you you're too mean a Yank to notice, anyhow !" Whereupon our man, brute as he was, stepped up and deliberately slapped the defenceless prisoner in the lace. Colonel Stradella, with his charac teristic sharpness of eye, had been keeping a half watch upon these pro ceedings while listening to my report, and though tie could not hear the words that passed, could easily guess their purport from the gestures. No sooner did lie see the dastard step up to the rebel prisoner with uplifted hand than he drew his pistol on him with a " Santa I) la volo /" and the fel low had no sooner committed his mean assault than, withayell, he lay sprawl ing on the ground. On picking him up we found he had received a nasty wound through the shoulder; but as it was a proper requital for Ids coward ly blow, he had little pity wasted up on him, and was carried off to the hos pital with the other wounded to be examined and dressed by the surgeon. And, though the Colonel had no manner of right according to our views of discipline, to use his pistol in so reckless a manner, the ease was so evi dently one of speedy retribution that it was never mentioned except with a "Served him right 1" This first affair of mine was peculiar in many respects. With one excep tion it wa the only hand-to-hand tight I ever had, and was one of the most successful exploits in which I was ever engaged. I can scarcely be said to have been under fire, for not a dozen shots were fired by the enemy, all told ; nor was our own danger at any time great. And, although I confess to having felt nervous and "twitchy" while making my preparations to hag the gang, when once started into the fray 1 lost ullsenseof anything but confidence that we had netted them to a man.— COL. T. DODGE, in Packard's Month ly, for September. A LOUISIANA ELECTION I.M'l IIENT. 1 heard another good thing to-day, while loitering in the cosy room of good old Mr. Barclay, the Journal clerk of the House. It will be remembered that the Election Committee of the House went South last spring to Inves tigate the election frauds in Louisiana. While holding a session in the Teehe country ttiere appeared before them a strapping big negro, coal black, ignor ant as a heathen but naturally bright and smart. The fellow was looked up on as a conceited idiot by the intelli gent citizens of the place, but withal he had great influence with his people. The negro appeared, and after an swering numerous questions, the fol lowing took place between the Demo cratic committeeman and the witness; Ques.—Did you vote at the Presi dential election ? Ans.—Yes. Ques.—Whom did you vote for? Ans.—Grant and Colfax. Ques. —Why did you vote for them? Ans.—Because they had good princi ples. Ques.—Well, what are their princi ples ? Ans.—As I understand, they were for good and harmony, and I always vote for any man whose principles are for good and harmony. Ques.—Were any of them black men ? Ans.—Yes. Ques.—Are you sure? Ans.—Oh, yes! Ques.—Well, which of them was the black man ? Ans.—Why, 3lassa Colfax. Ques.—How did you know that he was black ? Ans.—Why, plenty of people said so, and then his pictures proved it. Ques.—llow did his pictures prove it? Ans. —Why, the medals distributed to the colored men had likenesses of Grant and Colfax. Grant looked white, but Colfax was a darkey sure pop, or else the picture lied. About this time the Republican members, who showed evidence of nervousness, during the conversation related above, interrupted and obtain ed leave to put a question to the wit ness. When Patrick first tried peaches, he said he liked the flavor, but the seedi j lay hard on his stouaacb. A NEWSPAPER HAH "COR A 1.1.ED." I havn't dated this letter because I don't know where I am. lam about nine miles from Julesburgh, at a little settlement on the South Platte river. At daylight to-morrow lam to catch 3omeof the finest salmon you ever saw. They will not bite at any other time of day. I suppose they learned this disagreeable habit of early break lasting, from the "Bull Whackers," who navigate these plains. I am stopping at a little hotel about thirty by ten feet. The scarcest thing in this country is lumber settlers having to pay ever so many dollars a foot for all they use, besides what they brought in their valises. The landlord is from Penn sylvania, and seems to be doing a thriving business. By dint of hard talking and libera) promises, I got a room io myself. It was just large e nough for a bed and candle-hox, set on a chair, upon which I am writing this letter. It is in one end of the building, and separated from the next room by a bed quilt, which you must crawl under to come in or go out. But it is my room, and after thejolting I have had upon an Jtidian pony, I ex pect to have a good night's— Was ever poor pilgrim in such a fix? Just as I had written "night's" above, and had "sleep" on the point of my pen, I heard a loud knocking on the floor just outside the bed-quilt. "Crawl under," said I. Enter the landlord's daughter, a buxuin young lady of about seventeen years of age, I should judge. She o pened her rosy lips and spoke as fol lows : "3lister, don't take off your clothes to-night, when you go to bed." "Why?" "Because I am going to sleep with you." "Well if you have no better reason than that " "Hush! Shetup! You told par you would not sleep with a man." "I would rather sleep with a wet dog." "Well. I have given up my bed to a sick man. I have been hard at work all day, and have to work hard all day to-morrow, and I can't afford to set up all night. The bed is wide enough for us both. I shall stay on the back side, and if you don't stay on your side— you'd better, that's all." As she said this, she raised from her dress pocket an infernal jack-knife, such as farmers use in trimming fruit trees, and then let it fali back with a chug. 1 comprehended this situation in a moment, and unto this miden I quoth as follows: "Miss young lady, your intentions may, or not, be honorable. 1 am travel ing enti rely by m ysel f. My nat ural protectors are miles and miles a way beyond the boundless prairie, ig norant of the perils which may beset their idol. Thus far I have not been insulted by your sex. lam a man of few words, but they are generally em phatic. I will give you a part of that bed, and that's ali I will do. If you attempt, during the dark shade of the night, anything contrary to this firm detirmenation, by St. Joseph, my pa tron saint, I will shoot you through the midriff." As I concluded, I laid a Slocum pis tol upon the candle-box. A low chuck le outside the bed-quilt gave evidence that paterfamlias had heard and ap proved the arrangement. My antagonist laughed, aud saying, "3fister> I reckon we understand each other," she bounded over to the back side of the tied. There she is now, pretending to be asleep. I can't fin ish this letter. I can't do anything. Talk about the trials of the earlier saints—about being broiled over live coals—about being flayed alive—and a bout being broiled in oil! What was all that to all thi.it SPEECH OF EACH ARIA H SPICER. Or. the question, "Which enjoys the greatest amount of happiness, the bach elor or the married man ?" Mr. President and Gentlemen, I rise to advocate the cause of the married man* And why should I not? I claim to know somethingabout the in stitution—l do! Will any Gentleman pretend to say Ido not ? Let him ac company me home. Let him confront my wife and seventeen small children, and decide. High as the Rocky Mouutains tow er above the Mississippi Valley, does the married man tower above the bach elor. hat was Adam before he be came acquainted with Eve? What but a poor, shiftless, helpless creature? No more to be compared with his af ter self thau a milldam to the roaring cataractjof Niagara. (Applause.) Gentlemen, there was a time, I blush to say. when I was a bachelor; and a more miserablecreatureyou could hard ly expect to find. Every day I toiled hard, and at night I came home to my comfortless garret—no carpet, no fire, no nothing. Everything was in a clutter and in the words of the poet— "Confusion was monarch of all he surveyed " Here lay a pair of dirty pants, there, lay a pair of dirty boots, there lay a dirty play-bill, and there a pile of dir ty clothes. What wonder I took ref uge at the gaming table and the bar room. 1 found it would never do, gen tlemen, and in a lucky moment vowed to reform. Scarcely had the promise left my lips, when a knock was heard at my door, and in came Susan Simp kins after my dirty clothes. "3lr. Spicer," says she, "I have washed for six months, and I haven't seen the first red cent in the way of payment. Now I would like to know what you are going to do about it." I felt in my pocket book! There was nothing in it, and I knew it well enough. "Miss Simpkins," said I, "Its no use denying it, I haven't got the stamps. I wish for your sake that I had." VOL 65.—-WHOLE No. 5,519. "Then," said she promptly, "I don't wash another rag for you." "Stop," said I. "Susan I will do the best I can for you. Greenbacks I have none ; but if my heart and hand will do, they are at your service." "Are you in earnest?" says she, look ing a little suspicious. "Never more so," says I. "Then," says she "as there seems to be no prospect of getting my pay any other way. I guess I'll take your of fer." "Enough," said I. "We were married in a week ; and what's more, we haven't had cause to repent it. No more attics for me' gentlemen. I live in a good house, and have somebody to mend my clothes. When I was a bachelor, gen tlemen, I used to be as thin as a weas el. Now lam as plnmp as a'poker. In conclusion, gentlemen, if you want to be a poor ragged fellow, with out a coat to your back or a shoe to your feet; if you want to grow old be fore your time, and as uncomfortable, generally, as a hedge-hog rolled up the wrong way, I advise you to remain a bachelor. If you waut to live decently and re spectably, get married. I have got ten daughters, gentle men (overwhelming applause) and you may have your pick. Mr. Spicer sat down amid loud, and continued plaudits. The generous proposal with which he concluded se cured him fiveson3-in-law. THE DITCH WIDOWEB, "Mine frow was no better as she ort to be, till shust before she died ; then she was so good as before," remarked Mr. Vanderhorn to his neighbor. "Your wife was an amiable woman, and you do great injustice to her mem ory," said Swartz. "Vel, vot you know so much about mine frow for?" "I was not intimately acquainted with her, but I am sure that all her acquaintances loved her." "Vot right had they to love her ? May be—" "May be what?" "May be you loved mine frow, too." "Why do you speak so strangely?" "Vy, von day, a pig ugly man, shust like you, came into our house and kissed mine frow right before her face." "Were you present at the time?" "To be course I was." "Well, what did you do ?" "I kicked him right behind his pack." "Did be resent it ?" "Yaw ; he probe me and te looking glass and all te rest of te crockery in te house, 'cept de fether bed, into one tam smash." "What did you do then?" "Then I cried murder! murder! and I called for te shudge and de shury, and te police office and te constable to come, and he run'd away." "Do you intend to charge me with taking such unwarrantable liberties with thecampanion of your bosom ?" "Me no charge notling for it now, because she be ted and burried," "I wili not allow you to make such insinuations. You are an old tyrant, and everybody said you were glad when you wife died." "Everybody pe one tam liar." "I saw no symtoms of sorrow." "Me felt more wusht thau If my pest cow had tied." "Your cow? What a crmparison !" "She was a great loss—a heavy loss —for she was so big as dat (spreading out his arms) and she weighed more tan two hundred pounds." "Look out, old man, you will see trouble. I doubt if your wife was ever kissed by any man after her mar riage. At all events, you must apolo gize for what you have said to me'," "Vot is apologize?" . "You must beg my pardon and say you are sorry; if you do not, I will en ter a complaint against you and have you arrested." "I pe sorry ten." "Sorry for what ?" "Sorry you kissed mine frow." "You incorrigible idiot? This is not what you must say, for I never did such a thing." "Must I say that you pe sorry that you never did such a thing." "No—you must take back what you have said." "Yaw—l must take back what you have said." While the Dutchman was in a dilem ma, his friend Hans Bamberger came along and finally succeeded in recon ciling the parties when the trio ad journed to a neighboring coffee-house, Man—A bubble on the ocean's roll! ng wave. Life—A gleam of light extinguished by the grave. Fame—A meteor dazzling with its distant glare. Wealth—A score of trouble and con suming care. Pleasure—A gleam of sunshine pas sing soou away. Love —A morning stream whose memory gilds the day. Faith —An anchor dropped beyond the vale of death. Charity—A stream meandering from the fount of love. Bible—A guide to realms of endless joys above. Religion—A key which opens wide the gates of heaven. Death—A knife by which the ties of earth are riven. Earth—A desert through which pil grims wend their way. Grave—A home of rest where ends life's weary day. Resurrection—A sudden waking from a quiet dream. Heaven—A land of joy, of light and love supreme. The Pacific Railroad has six monster [ locomotives specially to shovel snow.