The Maui news. [volume], July 21, 1900, Image 4

About The Maui news. [volume] (Wailuku, Maui, H.I.) 1900-current

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Iodine's Celebration
II bf Washington's
Birthday. 2 2
'rf
M By JuJiuJ Ni JorgcnsciL
1 Iodine Brcwn sat In a big nest of chaser of the helmet began to search
Grny moss which he hail niaile In a for the money. A cureful survey show
fence corner outside the peanut Held, ed that the directions pointed to a spot
and ho muttered and mumbled and lu this wild coruer of the old muster's
scolded. Occasionally he would argue plantation, and holes were dug at a
with an Imaginary opponent, using all distance of 111 feet north-northwest
thoi gestures with which ''lie had seen from every tree nnd stump within, ten
ldor Berry deliver his sermon ou acres around the Indicated spot. Final
" 'llnssllu WId do Sperrit." ly the search was abandoned. When
"Now, yo' knows well 'nulT," said Velvet offered to buy some land from
Iodine to his adversary, "dat yo' alu' bis former master, this wild corner
a-trcatln o' me right. I done drib dem was sold" to him. lie had done a deal
bawgs out'u dc tlel' mos' cber sense do of digging for the treasure, but had
a- . i )5a SJM?i! S8U tntor at tl.o
. vi;nrvi1:''ffi.OT ' gunpowder, i
Z. X??K-W3, 1 and
TO',tSV-A --W: could make
. WriW-llC'W'7 Washington
SWSA-uW W- IWei ' i ? charge 01
iodi:;e rncrAnr to cKLr.mu-rn.
L V.f.iV.; a.;,,
"v", 7 , ' i , ., , ,,.!,
p Me bio fence down, now. when
VXWB . ?'"?"
. u u.thu v. " w .
see de sogers n- na'eh n 'n de drums
, , , , , i. i. .i
n .iiimi nun i,i Fti Mil 1 muii.l in ti"i H ,- iln
a-drummln 'u de boom-bauglu o' de
cannons, 'u yo' all's gwino 'n tako
Marine 'n Loocyfer 'u Tadgum 'n
I'.oots, 'n yo' all up 'n sez. Tdino, we
Xt..J "ol.T woVa huie yellow
" " ,.,... streak In the loose dirt at the bottom
patch, 'u you hater stay u UoIo, and wlth a stk.u uo. uucov.
" "Now. who' far I done taken dntfVnM?S l b0 U
-.,,,'.. , i , . dead chipmunk.
,avii k a tor Tu gum done le in root up ,,.., f. . , , ,
t-'i' i in Mus bo mo eh niunks 'n dls u u do
lebqii h lis ,les so s I ed stay home ,,, T ,., . ,
qn Wnsli'li'm's bufday, I s'pose. Well.
I.sez 'tain no fa'h, 'n yo' all knows
.tain'."
The time was long "hefo" da wall."
Little Iodlue Brown was a slave, as
were his mother, sister aud brothers.
(IIIs father, Velvet Brown, had been
enabled by n stroke of good fortune to
purchase his own freedom and 20 acres
i,f ..,i n.i Mo .,,. Tn..., .i
of ground, and h'.! wife Blissful and
her live small children were permitted
by the old master to live In Velvet's
slon each day and returned to the cabin , , ......
Kt night, while the children worked for ,0U c?a ul of "J Ijnisb.
ihelr father to pay for their keeping. cllj: 'wl by the spotted shotes,
Velvet had a little hoard of money, fll rc'l U! a,f s"sl'lc ously and th
.vhleh was growing slowly, to he used rot,cd , ftr'nt to " l'Ilut ,flc'J
when a sulliclcut amount was saved 1func?- Alas for poor civet Brown! Ills
for the purchase of Blissful's freedom. i?rI?bt dl'?'U .f ? Is ?VP C "Wh,t0
After "mammy" was freed a fund ;vasTjaJf soobers, which he expected to
to bo started to purchase one of the "1,iu;llet tlle "nnicr. was soon to be
children. .Marine, the eldest, and all shattered.
her little brothers shared Velvet's la- "l Kwlne l' S14 (1Is out'a hyali fo
bors and worked early and late. Iodine 1,1 ' mammy," muttered the boy. for
tho vouugest. was but 0 years or age. Bt,tf"' of l'ls trust and all unconscious
and his only task was keeping 'the old of tl,e l'aI(1 "Don the Held. Ho was
master's hogs from breaking through 80011 Mo to Illovo tlie kettle, and a
the brush fench Into the peanut patch. noor ""'J batlIJ' sel1 P kettle It was.
, When the hogs came uear the t'enee. Iodine soon realized that his prize wis
fnlfllug the air. Iodine would rush01" ,lttle vahlc'- T''on lie bethought
from bis lair and heat them with a ,llm of tho otllel- chipmunk and turned
cudgel until they lied back Into the"'"1 t0 tnc hoI- His eyes bulged out
scrub pine underbrush. wI,1) "urprlso as he saw' another kot-
The big red razorlmek. called by Io-tle- smaller than the first, standing up
dine "Old Brlcky." made manv at- r,;--llt 1,1 tlie ground. It was not empty
'tempts to get Into the peanut patch. ,1,;p "l0 oter. but was filled with yel
nnd his persistence was almost a match lov' nml bIack pieces of money,
for the boy's vigilance. "Dl P'"1'8 money:" shouted Iodine.
Hot tears had coursed in shiny black 11 0 t, ll'a t0 llft tIlp :ott' from tllL' lloIe.
rivulets down Iodine's face In theUIIt '"' ,ot strength to move It.
morning a3 he stood on a stump az- Hunnlng to the well, he brought the
Ing after Velvet nnd Blissful, who lrlnl;lng gourd, filled It with old and
wore-trudglug down the lane lowaril carried It to the house. Trip after
the old master's mansion, followed by
f.iiiiiiiv, i.iii.avi, 1,11111111 .inn IHIUIP.
pn their v.-ny to Savannah to witness
fho celebration of Washington's birth
day by the military
pity. WheD Hit
knew that his father
hearing, be shook
ins uare root, upon
shouted: "Vo'r mean:
nwanl"
But the guardlnu of tfw goobers
could not sjienil much time lu'hurllng
Juvectlves from the stump. Soon he
paw Old Brlcky emerge from the sprub
opines, followed by a dozen shows, ami
then .there was work .for Iodine ly-do.
St seemed to him that the hog. v'cre
iiever so pcrslftcui and bold as they
were that morning. They gave It up
.after an hour's effort, however, anil
wanderer" back tov:iin) i)i luansiou.
Having then a respite from his la-
bor. Iodine went over to t tic )ire aero
Jot where Velvet's cow anil plg weiv
kept. This was' a peculiar piece, t,f '
jground. There were tiuudi'eds or' de
company of the Jr5AY ,!'isHfW"A
; LU tiM and stamped .fdmfW
pressions In the earth where .ij.vp iioli-s; "i D0X kouk pf. yi'j's mo.vky."
had been excavated and .partly filled, trip he made, often saying. "Xpw wo
. Many years before -ji box of strange c'u buy mammy, now wy e'n buy inani
ind old f idilouiin cloihing. armor anil.my fin ole niauss!" until he had all ihe
weapons vav received nt ihe Savan gold and silver piled lu n heap ujiou
aiali custorjr house. The owner never fhe bod. A big yellow piece lumbled
fall2d,;fjjf 'if, -and rt vns sold at ,aue from the pile, aud Iodine struck It
jlon. Vn the bos wan an Iron helmet, back and said, "fir back dar. Ole
lllinn Yl.. Ji.ff.l. ..-I.! t. i.na nni.Hiimlini.tiil!i. M Al I,.. .I.... ...I.. .1...
fr-yim; iimiuu in invii lino vii(.uiibi .fiikuji. j,.!., not iiuiiiiii ill I ill'
OLVull description of the location of peanut fluid and the old rod riizorpHel;
pold nnd silver money ivhlch had been and the cbotes, nml.hu rusjied out of
purled by a shipowner who was sup he hju&eaud ,arp,yijl',tqhe hog iias.
po,sed to have been a pirate, ami as'fure. Fnlnt'n.n'd ,IcU- oJ.'hepL lie saw
ifiere was a tradition that the treasure the hogs in the rulued field. "
iad been burled In tbeirlclnlty the pur- .Castiug aside nl tliought of Was1!?
8
-A- si
it tx
'
long since given up the search.
Iodluc becamo Interested lu a small
bole which had boeu made by some
animal lu the side of olio of the exca
vations, aud bo begun to probe Into It
with n stick. i
The boy had been an Interested sX!C-
blowing up of st'-uqu with
:uid ho thought as he peep-
poked Into the hole that he
a uolso and celebrate
s birthday by exploding a
f powder In the burrow. He
ran to the cabin and brought out Vel
vet's old powderhorn and began the
preparations for his celebration. Io
dine knew he would probably have to
suffer punishment, but no matter. He
must do something to celebrate the
day. He poured Into the hole a copious
charge of powder, and then putting In
a small cane which had been bored out
for plpustcms ho filled this with the
explosive also. Then ho pounded the
earth about the caue until the cavity
was tightly closed
AftL'1' vcml fuluts 110 touched the
, d , y A
n. Ho had not taken more than
tu t , , explosion came,
TT . . .. ' . . ,,
Ho was thrown to the ground by the
" "
concussion aud was nearly covered by
the shower of dirt that fell upon him.
He was uninjured, however, nnd turn
ed his atteutlou to the hole in the
uuji;. o.iiii Avuiiu ua lit; ui;kiiu iiitiiii
to scratch away the dirt. Soon ho
struck something hard, which made a
peculiar hollow sound, and he tool:
nway more dirt and uncovered a
brown, scaly Iron object. The urchin's
curiosity was aroused, and, lying flat
upon the ground, he used stick nnd
Angers to uncover more of the Iron.
" ""n ,
110 that It was a large, round ob
Ject. with three little horns sticking
out like the "wrops" of hair on Ma
rino's head, and then he know what It
dlsappulnied boy kJV' WVWi&r.M. .
was well out of jaffSe7a-S
ihe stumii and -i":' ',. d:3VP'"
Vo'r mean! Vo'r U I ft 6 dtEj
lui?ton'B birthday and the .pirate's gold,
Iodine seized his club .'jtid made war
upon the hogs. His work done, he
threw hlnwlf Into hla mossy nest nnd
wept nnd vented upon the hogs all
tho ubimlvn words hU tongue could
fraui.'. In no other v-iy could he re
lieve hl.4 eoiisclence an.l the feilrful ap
prehension of what would tako place
after Velvet returned.
When 'the sun had gtme half way
down the western sky, he saw Velvet
nnd Blissful and the children return
ing. Hli heart almost stopped beat
ing, aud he could mit banish from his
thoughts the big black strap which
la'ng tiion the cabin wall. As his fa
ther and moiht'r came up the lane Io
dine ran out to meet them, with tears
streaming from his eyes.
"Oh, puppy." he cried, "de hnwgs
dun t In de geoha patch, 'n dey e't
up mos' all de hills. I cou' u' hope It.
pappy, I '"' n' hope It. But I dun
fouu de pt't's money. Vo' alu' go'n t'
whoop me, is yo". puppy?"
Velvet, looked Into the field, and a
storm of writ Mi swept over his face.
"Yo' trltl';;i rsj;(ivirlllo:i!" he shouted.
"Wha" fur yo' lltni go dlggln roun fur
pl't's money "u le"' dem liuwgrf at up
my goobas? lo in de limine (lis liv
stumps. I'll show yp lu.w t'.dlg'fur
money wi' my rilizu strop." '
The Irate failier strode Into Uie cab
in, unmoved by Iodine's (ears and en
treaties. Blbvsful lingered y the pea
nut field. Her heart Med for (he-little
UT.uut. Ilenrlug no outcry, she soon
began to wonder If the strap could
have been lot. Presently Velvet ap
peared In the cabin d.).;r aud shouted:
"Blissful:" Kilssrv.i: Cum heuh. hon
ey! Vo'n free! Vo'n free! l'dine dun
foil n de pl't's money, sho' ntiff ! Cum
lu h"a)i.' eli;l!uiu. 'n gi' down on y6'
kne'.s u frank de I.o'd fo' his musslful
()lob!dnshi:lii'uis:"
lilissl'u) ritiihed Into the cabin, close
ly followed by the children. They Mt
of the money aud held It up in liaud
fills and ponred It Inn '.; upon the bed In
heaps of freedom n::d comfort and
Joy. Their ears diank lu the sounds
of Its slldirg anil rilling and clinking
an they weuld have di'i;::!: lu music
fiom the harps of paradise.
Old Brlcky led the held again
through the brush fence, and ihey
rooted and smacked l bell' jaws over,
the feast of mitt, but they were all un
heeded, for to the Brown family the
day or Jubilee had euiue.
In u short lime a black procession
was on the march from the cabin to
mmm
4
"VO'8 FUEEl YO'S KIlliKl"
the mnnslou. At the rear was Boots,
preceded by Tadgum. I.ucifer, Marino
and Blissful. In the lead was Velvet,
wheeling a harrow lu which were plied
the silver and gold and the kettles,
while crowning the heap sat Iodlue,
wllh sparkling eyes of living Jet and a
row of white teeth visible from ear to
ear.
The amount of money taken from the
ground by Jodine was a little more
than SIO.(XX). a rent fortune to this
humble I'M in My. Blissful and the ciiil
dren were purchased from the old mas
ter, a good roomy house was built and
more land added to the farm. (lood.
stout fences were built a'l'iut the place,
and Old Uiicky needed watching no
more.
A led letter day greater than Wash
iugton's birthday or the I'ourih of
July, n day to lie marked by the Brown
family with a white stone-was thai
upon which the nl.l master drove to
Savannah lu his finest carriage, ac
companied by little Iml'ne. whose
ibosoin swelled wi'.li pride as lie
thought of his liup.irtauce and con
templr.ted his beautiful suit of store
Clothes. They drove lo a hunk, aud
there the muster invested $UM)t) lu
government bonds and deposited Ihem
lo ihe credit of Iodine and his guar
dian
Ou the banks of the Ogeeehee. near
Kden. lives a prosperous colnicd tjsnn.
Ihe owner of a large-f arm, , ti 1 ihe .fa
tiier of a blight family of girls and
boys. Among his iuost ticusmril p'o
-essletis Is un nld kettle, on which Ihe
IV.Dfnvlng wunN have been pnlutcd.
"Wnslilugioti Iodine "
HtlllltUllllll.
Was It Lord B.-ui-onsfield who. as
Mr Disraeli, was mire iwitted with
being l l;i exponent of "policy of
tewa-.'eV" Ai-rotilllig (o Sir William
I'reeee. no loftier suh.e- ma oreupy
the attention of man. .mil. according to
him also, an nncesior of the great pre
mier Moses, to wit was "Hie greatest
sanitary engineer the ,vrld had ever
known." anil the lnof of Leviticus
was "a treuiNe ou hygiene."
The .lew was the hcnlililest and long
est lived type of hmnauil.v. and l.he
docirbvs tt Moses could he smumci.l
up as i he objects of sauliaihui taday
nauicly. (B pen- air. C.'i pui-e water. (3 1
pure food. (I puce soil. t."i pure d'veJI
lugs anil n'n pure bodies I'ure air. fie
said, was lo be foijjul dil 'limailc nly
lunus. J.'ill-iiful workhouses, but not u
our churches, theaters, railway , car
riages or dluiiig rooms even' the (ill
Ing rooni of yo.ii'r; "de;;r:-(t friend."
Qb.nribeifi' .loiHtiuil. ' ' "
THE TEAIN SPOTTER.
AN OffFICIAL WHO 13 WELL PAID BY
THE RAILROADS.
The Work Which In l'pi-forim-,1 hy
This eland of DctcetlvpK nnd hc
Qur.lKU-H I'nr Whtuh It Culls Moth
tutu ul tho Woman Spotter.
A little over three months ago there
alighted from an Oakland ferryboat a
fimiro little woman, who'-pas.-iod along
with the crowd, wllh scarcely a glance
to the tight or left. Her petltcncss at
tracted some attention and her mod
esty more, but no one who observed
the air of confidence with which she
made her way to the public carriage
stand would have Imagined that sho
was a stronger and that for the first
time in her life biio was visiting Ban
! ranclsco.
Giving a few quiet directions and en
tering a cab, she was whirled away
from -tho hustling throng and driven to
a hotel. Later the register contained
an unassuming "Miss Waller, Ohlca
go." Her room was No. 11. Calling a
private messenger, she dispatched a
message to h firm of lawyers, and that
evening, promptly nt S o'clock, a pros
porous lookln;,', well dressed gentleman
entered tho hotel, ghuieed at the regis
ter, and. Ignoring the clerk's question,
"Do you warn anything?" passed by
the waiting olovator and walked up
the stairs. '
That was .Tuesday evening. On
Wednesday morning Miss Waller might
have been Keen boarding n Market
street ear hoTmd for the ferry, where
she purchased a train ticket nnd cross
ed to the mole. Mho returned late on
Friday evening, and Saturday morning
the same mesenger took a sealed let
ter to tho Mine law.ve.rs. but this time
there was no evening caller. Saturday
evening she left town again for a few
days, and these trips were continued
until one day last week, when, by the
niovost chance, the object of hpr re
peated outings was discovered. On this
occasion she was the possessor of a
ticket to a city near the Missouri river,
and sho smilingly confessed that she
was bidding goodly to San Francisco
for some time to come.
As nn Illustration of the care which
she must exert Ise In order to enhance
her value to the big railway corpora
tions in this country it Is only neccs
sary to state that In the ten years
which she has devoted to the business
of spotter, or, as she would probably
prefer to have It called, private de
tective, she has doubtless made fewer
friends than any one else In the coun
try. And while she' will not allow any
one to get thoroughly acquainted with
her, she does not make enemies. That
would be riilnou-i.
It Is nn unwritten law of the rail
roads that every employee Is open to
suspicion until he has been proved
guilty, and the people who tako upon
themselves the tasi: of separating the
two classes those who are found guil
ty and those who are as yet merely un
der suspicion are objects of the great
est contempt with the army of tollers
who seek n living on the trains. To
offset this unpopularity, however, they
have the Inducement" of large financial
returns. There Is no ironbound rule
governing the amount of money which
they receive, but the more proficient of
the class probably make from ?L,oOO to
3,000 a year.
At times a railroad will have an Im
portant cape on Its hand, and the serv
ices of a first class spotter will be in
valuable to the company, and on such
occasions, If successful, the flnunchil
returns Increase wonderfully.
There Is n much greater demand for
(his class of detectives In th east than
there Is here, aud several reasons are
given for this condition of affairs. In
the first place, tralllc being heavier,
there aro more trains run there, and
more men aro employed by the com
panies. Besides, that section Is more
thickly populiitednnd way trains are
lu many Instance's run hourly. If not
oftcner, but probably the truest Cjiusp
for the increased dishonesty anions;
railway conductors lu the cast Is the
low rate of salary which they receive.
There Is a well defined belief among
eastern men who travel extensively
that any mini who has reached that de
greeof prosperity where he can afford,
to wear creased trousers Is hopelessly
extravagant If he pay more than one
third fare after crossing the Mississip
pi river. I otice heard a popular actor
giving his reatanis for hls assertion In
a resort on Ihe Atlantic coast, and,
after cnllgliieuln his audience ytll n,
dissertation on the aliuor.t utter worth
lessness of money In the west, so far
as railroad traveling was concerned, he
continued:
"Take any I rain on any road west of
Kansas City, St. Louis. Chicago or St.
I'aijl, and the rest Is easy. Assume an
air of Indifference and smoke, a cigar.
If ypur conductor be seedy looking,
have a heard, an nld uniform with
threadbaie elbows and a hopeless ex
pression ou his face, pay your fare. He
Is nu honest innn. A thousand dollars
wouldn't tempt hlu.i, and you are out a,
whole stack of dollars for getting on
his train. Il.ul you waited for the next
one things would have been different.
There you have n prosperous looking
fellow, who sk nt his lust hour before,
leuvjng time lu a barber's chair aiul
who, but for his uniform, would pass
for a drummer or even a haulier. Ho
Ipoks as wel fci nnd as well groomed
ns n l;Iug. am you need have no fear
that ho will decline your invitation to
divjdc JJio cost of your ride to your
destination or at least lo Ihe end of
his division." sjun Francisco Chroni
cle. A Ilelnimc.
"Were vqu ever treated by a pli.-sl-
(clau for your nerves?" . '
"Yes, anil , I had to get some mow
rnedleipe. wheii 'J. rwojyod the bill.''
Philadelphia UuflVflfi',
STRIKING A MATCH.?f
Showlne: How Little Thlnp: May at
TlmcN Ductile it Miiu'n l'tirliinc..
The truth of Ihe saying that little
things may oftentimes play an Impor
tant part to men's affair's' when the
men least expect it was Illustrated one
(lay recently.
"See that young man over there," re
marked an Insurance friend of his,
pointing to one of his clerks working
nway Industriously at a desk In anoth
er loom. "Well, he got his place In my
oUice through the striking of a match,
although he doesn't know It.
"I was stunding at the entrance of
tills building about a month ago wait'
Jug for a friend to coma down tho ele
vator, when thnt young man approach
ed mo with a letter of recommendation
and an application for employment. I
had made It known a few days before
that I needed another clerk, and ho
hud heard of It. However, I had al
most made up my niliul to take on n
young man who had been to see me
the (lay before and was about to tell
the hist applicant so, when be pulled a
aiaich from one of his pockets to light
a cigar he had t been smoking, but
which had gone out,
" 'Sorry, sir,' ho said, balancing him
self on one foot, while he lifted tho
oilier so as to admit of his striking the
match on the he;! of his shoe. 'Sorry,
for I would like very much lo work for
you, and 1 think I would have made
you a good clerk.'
"The match striking incident made
me think so too. Bight at the young
man's elbow was a great Italian mar
ble column up;,n which were the marks
showing where ninny mutches hud been
struck by vandals too utterly Indiffer
ent lo tho lights of others to refrain
from Indelibly stamping their vandal
ism upon property to restore which
would have cost hundreds of dollars.
It would have been the most natural
thing in tho world for many a man to
have scratched that match on the mar
ble column, and the fact tiiat this
young man chose to use the heel of I1I3
shoe Instead showed that he was
thoughtful and conscientious, two very
excellent traits. I was so Impressed
that I told him to come and see me.
and the result of the visit was his se
curing the position. And his month In
my office has shown that I made no
mistake In sluing him up." Philadel
phia Inquirer.
EXCHANGED OVERCOATS.
At First hy Aeeldelit nml Then to
licctiry the Errur.
"Queer things have happened to mo
In Chicago," said the rubber goods
man, "but perhaps the queerest of all
was the way I lost and found my over
coat last winter. It was all the fault
of the check boy. Ho gave mo out
what 1 took to be my coat as I was
ready to go to the depot. It fitted 1110
all tight, and so did the gloves lu the
pocket. It was not until I boarded the
train that I found some letters which
proved that I had the wrong coat. I
had a lower berth for Detroit. The up
per berth passenger came in after a
bit, and as lie sat down ho said:
" 'Well, 1 thought I would get out of
Chicago thlrf time without anything
happening, but I'm disappointed.
Through sonic hocus pocus or other
I've lost my overcoat that Is, I've
made an exchange with sonic 0Y10.'
" Must my case,' I replied. '
" 'Where did you stop?'
" 'At the Auditorium,'
" 'So did I.' .
"Well, ho had my coat, and I had
his," continued the rubber goods man,
"and It took only a minute to offe.ct
the exchange. We were both bound
for Detroit, both Intended to put up n't
the same hotel and both had business
with the same firm. It was a queer
thing, taken all around, but, ns I said
at the beginnijg, there Is no place llkq
Chicago for surprises. A year ago I
was hurrying nloug State street with,
the crowd when 1 ran plum, p. ,i,mo t
inai whoui iud left t'cu; ileatl.'1u.Mex
(co three years before, and the first
words he spoke was to tell me he was
hard up nnd dun me for $5 I owed
him!" Was'ington Post.
Flrnt Xeijro Jjlu,,ti'.
The first upgro minstrel troupe ap
peared in lhe United States about' 1SI5.
They were real negroes, lijd by a man
named Johnson, aud the melody whpb
gained them great applause waU uaiued'
"That Old Gray Goosu' The Vo.,rt.s.
ran, "Oh, don't yo,i 9,0, tUn'oV gray
goose ad.po.tyn n't tUo gander?" Tills,
was suiig by the tenor voice, aud the;
chorus ran In parts to the words'
"Where." "Hero," "I hear," and thqlijai
ringing chorus. Another of their rWrt
songs was "Oh. Mnmma, I Must Be
Married to Mr. Punchinello." different
voices singing "Who Mr. VUlfu'?u
"Who Mr. Nell?" "Who d,r, TlQ? uvbo
Mr. Punchinello,?-'
Jim Was Ahead.
"It's strange," sighed, the trolley cpnr
ductor, 'iliow, when two, hoys' start'.out
with equal chances, one of thi'iii I3
Bound to forge ahead while the other
lugs behind. There was Jim. Jim
and I were fast friends as youths, but
look at me now! Equal, us our chances
were, Jim is ahead"
"What Is he doing?" asked U pas
senger who had paid ftu-e.
"He's the uat(Piunii; up front. Did'
I get your idckel?" Bang! Clatter!'
'UCdinund pln?e!" Bang! Clatter',
Ting-a-llng! "Yes, sir;, l's strang.e"'
Detroit Free, Press.
When a lnisl-aitd gets up to give his
wife a. piiiilr, she fairly beams at the
thought that other women now see
that he Idolizes her nnd would bo will
ing to die for her. Atchison Globe.
It Is sl'l VjnWr.kli.Qliri8,',s v-cu to
horses oc-QKlomilly In 'leu of oats will
Irieronw the animal's powers of endurance.
A WASTED JOKE.
He SIrnnt to Worry IHk Wlte, hni lio
Didn't.
"I don't think I'll try any more proof
tlcnl Jokes on my wife. They don't paii
out well." .
"Klucldate." "
"You see. she has n habit of hoisting
the window lu our room every nlgjlt.
As I usually go to bol last she depends
on me to hoist It. Sometimes I forget
It. and then there's a wild 's,qiiubb!o.
Fie.piently she wakes me- tin in tho
night and asks me to see If 't Is open".
If 1 don't, she nags nt me 'ufitil morn-
"A night or two ago I resolved to glvo
her a hard scare. I rolled up u lot of.
old, newspapers Into a long bundle mill
laid the package down by the window!
Of course sho was asleep aud didn't
hear 1110. Then I opened the window ri
little way and crept lulo bed. Soind
time after midnight silo uudged ino
nr.d r.a!d: , )
" Mini, I'm sure you d I if n" '.'ripen' that
window. It's like a bake oven in tho '
room. Get up aild see. ' '' '
"So 1 got up, went to the window
and threw the sash as high as It would
go. As;I did so I gave a little shriek
and then Hung my bundle down lo thq
walk below. It struck With a dull
thud, and I dodged behind the curtain
to await developments. The room was
very dark, and I couldn't sre my wiVe','
but I heard her raise herself lo n -sitting
posture. Then she f-poke.
"''Poor old dim!' she quietly said.
'He's ttlinbled out of the window in his'
raggedest nightshirt. What a speclal'li
he'll' bo when they find him In the
morning:' Then she lay down tigdlfi.
and went to sleep."
"What did you do?" v''
"Stood there shivering for a minute,,
or two and then sneaked Into bed."'
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
vines 01 otir Ancestors.
. 7 . L
1 Via."1-! WiSrfH, ' 7t V-V I I .J
mwi sad .j
Tnc iT.oauxiTou of toe stockbkokep.
TypesV
1
Gently SpoUen
Smith Is your new clwte
a good
man?
Joues Xovor say his equal
lid
works just like a charm.
Smith But I was uuder tho Imprest
slon that charms seldom work.
Joues Well, you heard what I saidL
Chicago Record. )
l
One or the Othi;,
"Doctor, what alls my daughter?'' I-
"Before I answer, that question let'
me ask If you have reason to think she
has had a love disappointment of &vi4
kind."
"I know she has not."
"Then, madam, your daughter baa'
the grip."ChIcago Tribune.
tillernry GuntH
"What's your game?" tisfced tho man'
with the big cigar In tbu Pullman.
"If you lueiui inj profession," replied
the othei dignity, "Pm a maker,
of books." '
"And I'm a bookmaker." cried the'
first heartily. "Shake!" Philadelphia.
North American.
TnlkH (in She I.ooUy, ,
Tess-She's too foud of talking be
hind her back.
Jess What do you' mean? Behind.'
whose back?'
Tesa-ller owm She's n vo"ii', ,-i,h
Uurueck. Philadelphia Pros?,. . ) ;
" U ;l
1 An Kurlx Stnrt.
"That Rllnkersdorf girl 'm'te prompt
est young -Vi-oman. I-ever- bad' the pleas
ure of escorting."
"She conies lie t honostlv. TTm- r.-i.
ther wris a: car, BVarreiV'-Cleveluud'
l'talu Dealer,.
A I-'enilnlne -tS-seoiM'oi.. '
''Well; 'Ignornnce.Is yon know."
''Indeed it Isn't,, When I want, tof
know sonioth,h,w about somebody null1
can't fiid out' about II. I nearly lose my'
njUd.u Chicago Itepord.
"Mr. Editor, you found, some very
tunny thlugs In my balch of oumic''
sketches, I suppose?"
"Certainly. For lustniw( th? request,
that they be paid (c,r'-rUnsero Ges,elU
sehaft.
An Untntuntloiial Juke.
-mi
. ,$Cvrsf Uodj-.KlHf Hoes.
"Old fellow; lend me a dollar,.
"Ccrtulnlylp Why Should I seek to
gain ,a repulrttlon (0 eceenticlty?"
Chicago Tribune.
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