THi sT. TAMnANY FABaRI
On Bale Every Satardiy at
JDE.AL PHARMtACY, Madison"
l The St Tammany Farmer SECTION ONE
. HI. MASON, Editor d COVINGTON, LA., SATURDAY, MAY 31, 1919. VOL. (5 No. 28
______________________ VOL 45 o.r2
WILL MEET AT
Letter From Mr. Lewis To
President Warner Says
He'll Be Present.
BELIEVES FUTURE OF
RICE IS GOOD HERE
Prevented From Attending
Last Meeting Here
President .1. IH. Warner of the Ac
sociation of Comit r.xj has re.ceived
a letter from Hon. .1. J. Lewis, prom
ineen rice grower, that he would be
present at the next meeting of the
rice growers, which will take place
at the courthouse to-day at 11 a. m.
Mr. Lewis sa'd her was prevented
from attending the last meeting be
cause of sickness, and he renews his
expressions of confidence that if
enough rice can be planted in St.
Tammany parish a mill would be a
paying proposition. He believes the
conditions to be fine and prospects
for raising the money good.
Rev. F. W. Loy, district superin
tendent of the Methodist Episcopal
Church in Fast Texas, West Missis
sippi and all of Louisiana, was the
guest of Mr. and Mrs. Karl Treen and
his granddaughter, little Miss Jane
Ann Treen, the,, first of this week.
Rev. Loy commended the proposed
Home Service Work of the Red Cross
in time of peace.
Covington, La., May 26, 1919.
Minutes of the Police Jury of the
Parish of St. Tammany, held Mon
day, May 26, 1919.
The Police Jury of the Parish of
St. Tammany, acting as the govern
ing authority of said parish, met in
special session at the District Court
house in Covington, Louisiana, on the
26th day of 'May, 1919, at 10:30 a.
m., pursuant to an ordinance adopt
ed April 17, 1919:
Present: Mbessrs. Howze, Do
mergue, Dendinger, Smith, Davis and
Absent: Messrs. Robert, Craw
ford and Fendlason.
R. C. Abney, resigned.
On motion of S. R. Cowart, sec
onded by Mr. Davis, the following
notice, which was mailed to all of
the members, be spread on the min
Covington, La., May 19, 1919.
"You are hereby notified to attend
a special meeting of the Polig.Jury,
to be held at Covington, La., Monday,
IMay 26, 1919, at 10:30 a. m., for
the purpose of receiving bids on the
$150,000.00 road bonds, as advertis
ed, as well as to fix the date of pay
ment of the principal of said bonds,
in accordauce with law."
The Police Jury having been duly
convened, it was moved by Mr. Smith
seconded by Mr. Davis, that the Po
lice Jury proceed to open the bids
received for the issue of Seven Hun
dred Fifty Thousand Dollars of road
bonds of the Parish of St. Tamnmany,
this being the time and place fixed
for the award of said bonds. Said
resolution being unanimously adopt
ed, the secretary of the Police Jury
thereupon presented the bids receiv
ed for said bonds, which were there
upon duly opened and tabulated.
And it appearing that the bid of
Hibernia Bank & Trust Co. was the
highest and best bid received for said
bonds, which bid is in words and
figures as follows:
(This bid will appear in the next
issue of The Farmer.)
Mr. Smith thereupon moved that
said bid of IHibernia Bank & Trust
Co. be accepted and that said Seven
Hundred Fifty Thousand ($750,000)
Dollars Road Bonds of the Parish of
St. Tammany be awarded to said
'Hibernia Bank & Trust Co.
Said motion beng duly seconded,
was adopted by the following vote:
Yeas: Six (6).
The following ordinance' was there
apon offered by Mr. Domergue and
seconded by Mr. l)endinger:
AN ORI) NANCE.
An ordinance fixing the date of pay
ment of the pr'ncipal of an issue
of Seven llunired Fifty Thou
sand ($730., 0) Dollars Road
Bonds of te lParish of St. Tam
many, Louis Va.
Whereas, by an )rdinance adopted
on the 17th day ýf April, 1919. the
Police Jury of the Parish of St. Tam
many, authorized the issuance of
Seven Hundred an.d Fifty Thousand
($750,000.po0) I)oa!:rs Road Bonds
of said parish, pur= !ant to the au
thority conferre d upon said Police
Jury by an election i eld in said par
ish on the 1th day ),f Apr$, 1919;
Whereas said ordinance fixed the
amount of said bondls which should
mature annually in each of the years
1920 to 194,. inclusive, but through
inadvertance. dial not tix the day and
month in each year upon which said
bonds should become du¢ and pay
Therefore he it ordained by the
Police Jury of said Parish of St.
Tammany, that said $750,000 Road
Bonds of said parish authorized to
be issued by said ordinance of April
17, 1919. shall mature serially on the
first day of June in each of the years
(Cootinued on page 2) L
A MEMORIAL TO
SOLDIERS OF ST.
Plans Outlined At Meeting
Favored Shaft in Some
Consultation With Absent
Members To Be Had
The matter of erecting a shaft of
honor to the soldiers of St. Tammany
parish wa staken up at a meeting of
the Parish Council of Defense held
at the courthouse at 2 p. m., Thurs
day, Chairman E. G. Davis presid
ing. The meeting was well attend
ed and a motion was carried to ask
for the submission of sketches or
plans to be selected from. There
was discussion as to where the shaft
would be placed an4 it was decided
to leave the matter open for futrher
consideration and consultation with
some of the members who were not
present. It is the intention' to have
the shaft erected within ninety days,
ADRIAN 1). SCHWARTZ ANNOUNC
ES FOR MAYOR.
To the Voters of the Town of Cov
My announcement for the office of
Mayor appears in to-day's issue of
The Farmer. Until recently I have
been inviting the public to examine
into my official record as Alderman,
particularly, with respect to my po
sition as Chairman of the Finance
Committee. During the meantime,
however, the entire citizenship of
Covington has agreed upon the exist
ing administration, and no opposi
tion, therefore, is urged against any
member of the present Town Coun
cil for re-election. Accordingly my
work stands endorsed by the public
Two years ago, when I was elect
ed, the issue before the people was
not of man and man, but the ques
tion was whether Covington was
bankrupt or not. I think, as Chair
man of the Finance Committee of
the town, I have established to the
citizens and the banking world that
Covington is not bankrupt-a slander
which all should be glad to repudiate.
I have not lived in Covington from
the time of my birth, but I have al
ready spent ten of the most useful
years of my life in the town; have
made my home and established all of
my interests here permanently; and
will claim the privilege, as many of
our best citizens have, of being
buried here--and no man can do
I was educated for ten years in the
public schools of Louisiana and am a
graduate from the 'ulane University
of Louisiana. I have spent twelve
years in the practice of law, and I
think I have made a success of my
profession. So far as my personal
record is concerned, I invite my
friends to scan every page with the
I shall make no rash promise of
increasing improvements and de
creasing the revenues. I refuse to
obligate myself to a number of crank
"reforms." I have had all the op
portunity in the last two years to
initiate any of these so called im
provements, if I had so desired.
If I am elected ,Mayor, I can assure
the public of but one determination
on my part, and that is, to continuer
the policy of the present administra- i
tion to spend no money that is not
available; to operate the town's af-(
fairs on a cash basis as has been cdone
during the past two years, and to
guaratnee that the rate of taxation t
will not increase one per cent over c
the existing rate during my term of t
office. All ordinances will be en
forced conscientiously and rigorous- t
ly; every citizen will be given a
square deal, and no man or faction, i
interest, or corporation, can suggest g
themselves to me either through fear (
or favor. C
A·DRIAN- D. SCHWARTZ, d
Candidate for Mayor.
MEETING OF PJIE FIRE DE~IPART.
MEN. , MAY 28.
The report of the retiring secre
tary, Mr. W. C. Morel, was read and
filed. The report of the auditing
committee, composed of Messrs. Os
tendorf and Mackie, was read and re
ceived as final. The secretary was
asked to prepare a new set of books.
'Mr. Seller made a report on the
May Festival, showing very satisfac
tory returns. The net proceeds will
be spent for equipment of the de
Chair appointed the following to
Equipment Committee: Chief Osten
dorf, E. R. Moses,-Dr. A. G. Maylie,
J. D. Lambert. Their duties are to
A letter was read from the presi
dent of the State 'Fire Association ad
dressed to Chief Ostendorf, assign
ing him a topic to discuss at the
coming convention of that organiza
tion at Bogalusa, June 17, 18 and
19. A number of members present
reported that they expected to at
tend that meeting.
Following committee was wapoint
ed: Dr. Maylie, Messrs. Mackie.
Ostendorf, and Seller as ex-of.cio
chairman. The duties are to revise
and rewrite constitution and by-laws
and make recommendations to be
submitted to the Association as so.n
GRAVES OF U. S. "FLU" VICTIMS IN DEVON, ENGLAND
g _ __ i i 1
®V1'ýtrrn 1ýN2ewaper Unirni .
The graves of 100 American wounded soldiers at Palguton Military hospital, Devon, England, who died from
SSlidell High School.
The Slidell High School colsed a
very successful term, Friday, at the
Picture Theatre. The commence
ment exercises were enjoyed *by a
large congregation of people, who
were pleased with the program and
much interested in the address of
State Supt. Harris, which was along
patriotic lines and the presenf needs
of the schools.
There were 142 winners of spell
ing certificates. The scholarship to
the Southwestern Industrial Insti
tute was vwon by Miss Annie House.
Fred Johnson won the medal given
by the Interstate Bank & Trust Co.
of New Orleans, for the best essay
on vital statistics.
After the exercises a reception was
given in *the school auditorium by
the School League.
Following is the program:
Chorus, by 7th grade; salutatory,
by 'Louise Marrabee; class historian,
August Tabary; class prophecy, Fred
Johnson; class will, Lloyd Gish; val
edictory, Nannie House; class, musi
cian, Clyde Polk; violin trio, Clyde
Polk, Glen Miles, Miller Redden; ad
dress by State Supt. T. H. Harris;
presentation of medals and awards,
Prof. T. H. McAfee; presentation of
certificates and diplomas, Supt. E. E.
('ovington High School.
The Covington High School closed
a very successful term notwithstand
ing many circumstances tending to
oppose that success. The flu, the dif
ficulty of obtaining teachers and war
work-all created a situation that
made good work in the school dif
The commencement exercises, last
Friday, were largely attended 'and
the program nicely carried out.
Following is the program:
Oveture, Instrumental Duet-Mil
dred Levy and Irma Domergue.
Bible Reading-Rev. J. O(. Miller.
Prayer-Rev. F. C. Talmage.
President's Address-Victor Oulli
Class History-Mildred Levy.
Address-Hon. Lewis L. Morgan.
Presentation of Diplomas-N. H.
FitzSimons, president of the Parish
After the program dancing was in
dulged in until a late hour.
The graduates were: Irma Do
mergue, Mildred Levy, Josie Dossat,
Bonnie Mae Smith, Myrtle Gollehon,
Aimee Riggs, Alma Pichon, Victor
Oulliber and Emile Frederick, Jr.
Hon. Lewis L. 'Morgan, in his ad
dress, among other things spoke of
the necessity and enforcement of the
coihpulsory education law, stressing
the responsibility assumed by the
parent in depriving a child of educa
Pupils making the highest averages
in their respective grade: First
grade, Doris Duboisin and Menry Mc
Cardy second, D. W. Porter; third,
Claia Sheffield; fourth, Eunice Quat
reveaux and Eunice Dyess; fifth, Mil-.
dred Davis and Rene Galmiche; Sixth
Willie Denman and Albert Sandoz;
Seventh, Cecile *Ragan and Doris
Sheffield; eighth, Avis Mercadel;
ninth, E. G. Davis; tenth, Katie Sei
ler; eleventh, Josie Dossat.
In the above list two names occur
for the first, fourth, fifth, six and
seventh grades, which means that
the grades are divided and under two
The following pupils have received
the Times-Picayune badges for hav
ing passed the athletic tests: Jack
Burns, Richard Jackson, Marieta
Aoueille, Eunice Durell, Irma Levy,
Ethel Dossat, Mildred Levy, Bonnie
Mae Smith, Josie Dossat, Irma Do
The Louisiana State University
scholorship was awarded to Josie
D)ossat for having made the highest
grade in the four years of the high
school. Bonnie Mae Smith received
the scholarship to the Southwestern
La. Industrial Institute, and Victor
Oulliber received a scholarship to
Tulane University, from our Repre
sentative to the State Legislatuer,
Mr. J. Monroe Simmons.
During the summer several of the
teachers of the Covington schools will
conduct classes and do coaching, ,par
ticularly with pupils who have failed
in subjects during the session. Pup
ils taking this work will be permitted
to pass those subjects provided they
pass satisfactory examination on en
tering school this fall. It will be
A GULF COAST
Slidell, La., May 27.-At a meet
ing of the executive committee of the
Gulf Coast Inter-urban Project, held
at Biloxi, May 21st, an interesting
report was read by the sub-commit
tee composed of H. S. Weston, of
Logtown, Miss., Thos. L. Willis, City
Engineer of the city of New Orleans,
and L. C. Irving, of Mobile, Ala.,
suggesting that in order to determine
the feasibility of the project a com
plete survey of the proposed line be
made by comletent engineers.
Two bids were received for this
survey, the one of Jas. W. Billingsly
of New Orleans for $12,000 being
the lowest. After some discussion it
was unanimously decided to employ
Mr. Billingly to make the survey,
the cost to be pro-rated among the
interested communities on the fol
lowing basis: New Orleans, $3000;
Mobile, $2500; Harrison County,
$3000; Hancock County, $1250;
Jackson County, $1250; St. Tam
many Parish, $1000.
It was pointed out that such a
survey as the one proposed would in
clude a comprehenisve study of the
territory traversed by the proposed
road, pointing out its present de
velopmeht and future possibilities,
would be of great value to the com
munities interested, even though the
road itself should never be built.
The propoesd road would pass
through about 18 miles of St. Tam
many parish and the, proposed sur
vey of our resources by an expert in
this line of work would be worth
more than the amount asked from
A committee has been appointed to
raise this amount and turn it over
to Mr. H. S. Weston, treasurer, at
ACCIDENTS THAT WILL HAPPEN.
A boy of Sheriff Montgomery of
Natalbany sustained a compound
fracture of the right forearm in fall
ing from a swing, last Sunday.
The 13-year-old daughter of Mr.
Henry Folse fell from a tree, at Abita
Springs, and broke her arm and col
Mrs. Wirtz slipped and fell from
her surry, Saturday, and broke left
leg above the ankle.
Miss L. Sauter slipped and 'broke
her right arm below the shoulder.
Henry Hamilton (colored) shot
himself in the right hand with a .22
Dr. Heintz attended all of above
patients and reports them doing
DR. GRIFFITH OBJECTS.
Slidell La., May 27, 1919.
Editor St. Tammany Farmer:
I am reliably informed that a
young man of Covington has been
criticising me on account of my
recent stand in regard to the New
Orleans to Logtown Highway, and
that he has dubbed me a hot-head
and agitator. I am ,probably guilty
of the charge, but believe that a ma
jority of those most interested will
consider that an agitator is reqfuired
at this time.
Every public position that has been
given to or that has been assumed by
me, has received all of-the attention
or energy that was required of me.
On the other hand, just a few months
ago my critic had to be replaced in
the office that he held in the Parish
Council of Defense, because he neg
lected the dutes of his office.
- I am willing to be criticised by a
man that has proven himself to be
100 per cent American, otherwise I
Our records are open for. coni
p.rison as far as I am concerned.
JNO. K. GRIFFITH.
WANTED--To buy gentle horse,
also second-hand surry. Apply to
F. P. Marsolan, Covington.
We are pleased to announce that
Mr. Philip Burns, who has been with
the American Expeditionary Forces
in France, has returned and will re
sume his position as Assistant Cash
'er of this bank, which ,was held open
COVINGTON BANK & TRUST CO.
necessary to apply to the principail
for this examnation.
Those report cards that have not
been called for may be obtained by
calling at the home of the principal
(Continued on page 2)
The board of directors of the Fair
Association met in their office Thurs
day morning and elected the follow
ing officers for the ensuing year:
J .H. Warner, president; C. E.
Schonberg, vice-pres.; Karl Treen,
secretary and general manager; E.
U. Davis, treasurer.
The following permanent commit
tee chairmen were named: Jno. L.
HaIler, finance; H. A. Mackie, build
ing and grounds; N. H. FitzSimons,
prizes; A. G. Maylie, amusements;
Mrs. J. C. Burns, educational; Mrs.
J. B. Wortham, woman's division..
Mrs. Burns announced the appoint
ment of Mr. Lyon as superintendent
of the public school department, and
said she will appoint a superintend
ent for the private and parochial
The executive committee will be
apponted next Wednesday when the
dierctors are asked to meet again.
It was decided to invite- Washing
ton and Tangipahoa parishes to ex
hibit their sweepstake exhibits in
competition with ours.
A committee was appointed to ar
range for a patriotic celebration at
the fair grounds July 4th. This
committee is to meet Monday night
and report at Wednesday's meeting.
The Association expects to make the
most of this day; to have a big crowd
and lots of excitement.
ABITA SPRINGS NOTES.
Thursday, May 22d, the Abita
Springs public. school rendered its
closing exercises in the town hall in
the presence of a large audience.
The features of the evening were:
'Cinderella," acted by the little tots
ander the direction of Miss Edith
Luecke, and "Shouting the Battle
Cry of Feed'em," by the larger girls I
ind boys, under the direction of Miss
:"iley. The balance of the program
was as follows :
Vacation Song-by' the school. t
Folk Dancing-Primary Grades.
Dolly Show-Intermediate Grades. 1
"0O You Teacher."-Intermediate
Flag Drill-By girls.
Presentation of Diplomas and Cer
tificates for Spelling--Mr. John P.
The teachers were Ipublicly thank
ed for their faithful work during the
:)ast year and were asked to return
Wednesday the long promised play b
"'Between the Acts" was produced
in Abita in spite of the most unfavor
able weather. It was excellently
acted and did credit to the talent of
Waldheim and vicinity. The play
combined the desirable qualities of
being both clean and entertaining.
There was a moderately large crowd a
in spite of the rain. o
Mr. Pascal Pattoni, who has been
with the Cosmopolitan Hotel for 17
years, has established himself in
Abita Springs and will, on the first
of June, open the Blue Wing Cottage. l
W\'e sincerely wish our new comer a
The Improvement League of Abita It
will give a dance on June 15th and p
the proceeds will be donated to a p
Mr. and 'Mrs. J. H. Pons gave a
dinner in honor of Mr. Geo. Cortez,
of the U. S. Marines. Mrs. P. Ber- Q
nardez and Miss E. Pons were invilt
We are sorry to learn that Master
Willie Rausch broke his arm crank- h
:ng an automobile. He was attend
ed by Dr. Heintz. We hope he will Ih
soon have use of it again.
A complimentary dance was given B
last Monday night in honor of S. G.
'oe Rausch, who returned home from -
the army. A very large crowd at
ended and dancing was enjoyed un- g
1 midnight. Judge Pens introduc
ed Mr. George Cortez, of the U. S. F
Marines, who saw service and was >
vounded several times. He spoke of E
h:s experiences and how he was cap
tured and madga prisoner and escap
ed after lying in a tomb for four
days, finally getting back to his com- J
pany. The young man has been
awarded several medals and cross of F
honor for his bravery.
Mr. Cortez is the guest of Mr. and
Mrs. P. Benadez. C
There will soon be a steam wood f
yard in Abita and we hope that the
enterprise will be a paying one. Mr. C
J. H. Pens is erecting the plant.
Mrs. A. Marquez and daughter, b
Carmen, are epending several days
in New Orleans. I
AUDUBON SCHOOL COLOSING. E
Regardless of the bad weather I
ITEMS OF INTEREST AT JAHNCKE
SHIPYARDS IN MADISONVILLE
Br D. H. Vinet.
Among the different species of oak
trees that find their home in our
beautiful southland, none are so nec
essary in the construction of wooden
ships as the sturdy and stately live
oak that encircles the water coast of
our parish from the Tangipahoa river
on the west to West Pearl River on
the east. Mr. Louis Pizetta has been
employed by the Jahncke Shipbuild
ing Co. since the establishment of
the yard, to cut down and prepare
these enormous trees into innumer
able shapes and sizes called knees.
They are indispensible in forming the
skeleton or frame of a ship and are
as durable as iron. I hardly think
a more experienced, practical man
could have been found than Mr. Piz
zetta. He is a native of Madison
ville, La., a member of an old and
prominent family of that town, and
from his continuous service in the
timber business, he can aptly be call
ed a typical child of the forest. The
versatility and hidden resourceful
ness of American manhood just be
gan to awaken as from a deep sleep,
when the Hun from afar saw the
giant begin to move, and yelled
After an absence of nearly one
month Mr. Mose Chatellier returned
from New Orleans, Monday, May 26,
looking the picture of health and
prosperity. He shipped on the S. S.
Balabac, of Madisonville, as the ship
carpenter, a position of great re
sponsibility. She carries a full cargo
of hard lumber to Rotterdam, Hol
land, from New Orleans. Mr. Chat
ellier helped'to build this ship, and
it now falls to his lot to accompany
her across the Atlantic, in a position
both remunerative and instructive,
of which he and his friends may well
"Bon Voyage," Mose, and that you
may return home safely to those who
Ira J. Mugnier is rapidly getting
into condition for his wrestling
match. In his workout last Sunday
he demonstrated a neck hold that
was hard to break. While this is a
fair hold, it greatly resembles the
famous old "strangle hold" which is
barred from all wrestling contests.
We wish to announce that Mr. Val
din, of the Jahncke offices, has com
posed a song entitled "''Oh Captain,
Turn Back the Boat."
Now that Spring and June are
here and the young man's thoughts
are lightly turning to baseball, ýnos
quitoes and other things, the sport
ing editor of the Homely Ladies
Journal has requested me to write an
article on girls and-marriage, and
here it is.
June has been called the 'ladies
month, because it's the month in
which the most deadly of the species
do the most deadly work.
June is a wonderful month. It
deserves fame because of the fact
that it rhymes with "spoon" and
June is the first month immediate
ly after May. It was put on the cal
ender just to furnish a choice assort
ment of bills for July first.
Porch awnings are all up in June,
so is the price of ice.
June makes the sixtyfive year old
bookkeeper long to take the new
stenographer out on the scenic rail
way, buy her pop corn, and a photo
post card (heads together).
The question of the day is: Do
married men make the best hus
bands? How should I know, in all
my youth, beauty and innocence?
Well, why shouldn't I be innocent
I'm not married. They say marriage
is a necessity. So is a jail.
'Women are more liberal than men.
Take, for instance, a wife. The wife
who has a mind of her own is always
willing to give her 'husband a piece
Let me impress tpon you, some
man should invent a machine that
last Saturday night, the Audubon
school held its closing exercises dut
in the open and was attended by a
large crowd. Every one reports the
program was fine. 11ollowing is the
The Flag-Macie Moor.
Recitation-'"Mattie's Wants and
Song, "If You Were Us and We
Recitation, "iRaggedy Man"-Br
Recitation, "Elizabeth Ann"-By
Song, "Dolly, You Want To Go To
Bed"--By first grade girls.
Recitation, "How It's Proved Out"
-By Fred Crawford.
Dialogue, "Farmers"-By the first
Play, "Just Like a Woman"--By
Kenison Crawford, Eliza Kennedy,
Milton CrGawford, Adolph Craddock,
Ella Crawford, Agnes Crawford.
Recitation, "The Troop Train"
By Ivy Talley.
Recitation, "Laddle"-By Grace
"The Burial of Sir John Moore"
By Clem Jones.
Song, "'alute Old Glory"-School.
Welcome Home Boys--By Alsada
Craddock, Ada Moore, Aletha Craw
ford, Iaraine Craddock.
Recitation, "What Did You See
Out There My Lad"--Eany Jones.
Play, "Burglaras"--.By girls and
Recitation, "The Prayer Over
Pantomine, "Abide With Me"
By the school.
Song, "Bid You All Good Night"
By the school.
will help restore to us the lost art
of silence. Of course, every one
knows that silence is an art. And
it's the most difficult one in the
world to master. It requires a little
talent to be a good conversationalist,
but it takes a genius to be a good
The art of "How To Say Nothing"
at the right time should be taught in
all girls' schools. They have thou
sands and thousands of schools and
colleges to teach young women how
to use words, but there's not one
silence school to teach them how to
I've got a good silence, school right
near my home. It's my neighbor's
wife. Yes, she made him master of
the art the first week they were mar
ried, and she's kept him in constant
practice ever since. But I enjoy his
wife's conversations. They are so
restful. When she starts to talk
every one- has to take a rest.
He only married that woman for
her money. Well, it serves him right
for trying to buck up against one of
those get-rich-quick schemes.
They say married men live longer
than bachelors. That's not so. The
time drags and they imagine life is
'It's a funny thing, every man you
meet will tell you how to win a wife
and everybody will gladly tell you
how to make love. But after a man
marries, he has to shift entirely for
There's not going t'o be any more
marriages in India. The legislature
has passed a bill forbidding weak
minded persons to marry and they
are the only ones who ever think of
doing such a thing.
Woman says that in most cases a
bachelor is one who has been crossed
in love. That may be so, but let
me tell you in most cases a married
man is one who has been double
Some people say that marriage is a
lottery. But it isn't. Because in
a lottery you can win once in a while.
I know a woman who is a great
talker. When she starts to talk she
makes a Victrola sound as though it
was stuttering. Well, talk is cheap.
Women are fond of bargains, and
that's all there is to it.
Most married men have a great
respect for their wives. I don't think
you can Aind one who would say a
thing against his wife for the world,
especially if she was listening.
Let us discuss my neighbor's wife
some more. Every time I think of
her it brings to mind that great say
ing "What might have been." For
the life of me I can't understand
how a man could commit such a
crime. Her figure is a perfect fifty
seven. In an evening gown she
looks like a Heinz pickle. j saw her
in a bathing suit once. She looked
very well in the water, especially
when she was up to her neck. The
only way to improve her appearance
would be to go in deeper. She has
universal feet. They're so universal
that while in a Pullman sleeper on
their honeymoon the porter shined
one of her shoes and a suit case.
While we are discussing size I wish
to say that the trouble with stout
girls is they roll off your lap so"
My neighbor took his wife to New
York for the honeymoon. After he
was there two weeks they were
settled somewhat and his brother
went to New York City to see the
zoological garden B5xd the freaks,
but as soon as he saw his brother's
wife he went home satisfied.
New York is a great town. New
York is bounded on the north by
Yonkers. Yonkers is not a fruit
like onions. Yonkers is next to the
largest city in America. New York
is bounded on the bottom by subways
and sewers, and on the top by chorus
girls and roof gardens. When you
first reach New York you should get
familiar with the habits and customs
of New Yorkers. It's not difficult to
get familiar, all you have to do is to
showv a wad of money and six taxi
drivers, two head waiters, three Iport
ers, nine hat boys and two hundred
and fifty chorus girls will chase you
from one end of the town to the
other. They are thinking of build
ing a round courthouse in New York.
I sappose it's because a court can't
be on the square. When I was in
New York I heard a song entitled,
'If New York Is Sick of Racket, Is
Chicago Illinois." Gee whiz! I have
to get off this subject because the
Homely Ladies Journal asked me to
write about Love, Marriage, Spring
time and June.
Perhaps the readers of this article
have an idea that I am going to write
things about the inner lIrcles of mar
red life. They are wrong. I don't
use that kind of language.
Marriage is simply a question of
dollars and cents. Women marry
tor dollars and cents. Men marry
because they have no sense. Love
intoxicates a man. Marriage sobers
him up. Some men get married and
think it over. Some men think it
over and don't get mniarried. They
say marriage is blind, but the neigh
bor's aint Before marriage you call
the girl your little angel. After mar
riage you wish she was. A man will
spend more money in one umonth
while he is courting a girl than he
does all through her married life.
There are two periods in a man's
life when he doesn't ulnderstand wo
mnen-before and afer marriage.
Most men's lives begin when they are
born--and end when they get mar
In conclusion I wish to state that
I am not against marriage as I expect
some day to be up against it.
A song entitled "No Love Is Strong
er Than Mine" has been wr'tten by
a man named A. Limberger.
(Continued on page 2)
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