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THE TIME TO LATTGH.
SOME G300 JOKES. OrUGINAL AND SELECTED. Ells Blnfr Did Not Work A Chinese Joke Man Who Took All the Berriee The Point of View-1 A Midsummer Klgnt'a TaleC A CHINESE JOKE. A. strange state of mind evidently prevailed in Pekin during the Boxer outrage outside the walls, outrages which - were momentarily expected to be repeated within the city limits. Everybody was preparing for a catas trophe, and nobody could be sure why. It all seemed like a . huge practical joke which could not be taken serious ly, and yet it was serious, and every body knew It was. There was appar ent peace, with a certainty of coming trouble. The foreigners were gath ered in places of safety, and the com pounds they had left remained unmo lested. One Incident curiously shows the combined lightness and frenzy of the public mind. On a certain evening a boy about 16 walked down a street, marking a door here and there with a circle of white chalk, before which he bowed solemnly. - Presently all the people came to their doors in a great state of excitement and began to discuss .the proceeding and to debate as to what it might mean. The marked houses might be long to the friends or foes of the Box ers, the saved or lost. Suddenly a man went up to the boy, seized him by the pigtail and asked him what he meant. The bystanders were amazed at a courage which dared Interfere with an emissary of the Boxers, and tne boy himself tried to swagger a little and brazen it out. "What were you doing that for?" in quired the man. "Tell, or I take you to the police station." Then the boy fell on his knees and caned that he was only doing it for a joke to frighten the people. His suc cess exceeded his nbpes. Youth's Com panion. MAX WHO TOOK ALL. A writer in the Saturday Evening Evening Post relates his experience at a dinner recently in company with Ar tists Walden and Whistler, when Eng land was the topic of conversation. "England," said Mr. Whistler, "rules the world simply because the English man takes what he wants." We were rapidly losing ourselves In a fog of politics and natural psychol ogy, when Mr. Walden lifted part of his re'd mustache and said: "That's right, all right." It was the first time he had spoken that evening, so we stopped our argu ments an1 listened. Calmly and slow ly he said:--- "I was down at Cernay last sum mer with Faulkner painting. You know the. little tavern there and the old woman who keeps it. There was an Englishman there who sat next to me at table. Well, the landlady gave us ' strawberries one night for dinner, lor a dollar a day that was pretty gobd. The servant girl passed the strawberries round. When it came to the Englishman's turn to help himself he emptied the whole dish of straw berries into his plate. So I said to him: 'Say, my friend, I like strawberries, too." " 'Not so much as I do, replied my Englishman calmly, and went on eat ing." HIS BlUrr DID NOT WORK. Stories of yankee shrewdness nave always been widely circulated, but when one gets ahead of a yankee there is very little said about it, especially on the part of the man from the North. Several days ago a hotelkeeper at a small station on one of the roads run . ning out of Memphis put the laugh on a drummer from the North in a very good way, and the traveling man was compelled to beat a hasty retreat. The drummer arrived at the hotel about 8 o'clock in the evening, and fearing that he would not be able to get any supper he asked the landlord what he cot! Id get to eat. "My friend." said the hotelkeeper, "I can give you anything from a pickled elephant to a broiled canary bird's tongue for supper to-night." The drummer looked at the man, ana, thinking that he was Jesting, de cided to call his bluff. "All right, my friend," said the drummer; "I'll take some pickled ele phant." "Very Tell," said the host. "I'll go - and get it." He was gone about five minutes and when he returned said: "All right, sir; supper will be ready in a moment You'll have to take a whole one, as we don't carve tem after dark." . The drummer decided thct he was not very hungry and took some cheese sandwiches. Memphis Scimitar. point or VIEW. x ' - Mrs. Wederly (looking at hat) "Oh, What a dear little hat!" Wederly (looking at the price tag) "Well. I should say it Is." ; HE WAS StrPERSTrriOtTS. A superstitious baggageniaster on the Pennsy will give $1.12 for the prlvilc-e of kicking the fireman of his crew all over a 10-acre lot. It seems that the baggageman has reveled In "tokens," "omens" and presentiments" for so many years that he "sees ' things" when he is dead cold sober and "hears things" no other- person ever heard, says the Philadelphia Record. His wife went to Wilmington the other day and he had a "token" that some dire accident bad befallen her. He heard her cry for help; he heard her prayers and even heard her very last gasp. He was right there at her finish. He spent $1.12 In telegraph tolls only to find out that she was well and happy and that she was a bit hazy as to his sanity. A day later , he learned that the wails he had heard were clever imitations of his wife's voice thrown from the engine of his train by the stoker, who is a ventriloquist. UP TO DATS. Sister "Tommy! Stop! How can you be so cruel to pussy?" Tommy "Crool nothing loopin' the loop!" She's A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S TALE. An individual of somewhat shabby exterior, but whose every movement betrayed the fact that he had once been able to pay for a 50-cent dinner, was walking along the highway at night with his shoes in his hand and the moonlight whispering through his hair when an object suddenly sprang out of the bushes and cried at him: Avaunt that is stop in your tracks! Your money or your life!" The object was a young and tender man and there was grace in the way be swung a cudgel around his head. "Just repeat that first word again, will you?" asked the traveler, as he leaned up against a huckleberry bush. "Avaunt! Blood! S'death!" "I thought it had the old familiar sound. Romeo, how art thou?" "Busted all to smash. And how fares it with thee?" "Stone broke. I was the leading man In the Great Hot Wave Comedy Com pany." "And I was the heavy in Sea of Ice Dramatic Strollers. It's our third bust this summer. "Same here. Dost fare to New York to try again?" " Tis so. Nothing can discourage true talent." ' "Then let us fare together and if. perchance, we come across the juvenile of our company, who had two plunks when I saw him last, we will cry halt and despoil him to our betterment." JOHNNY ON lill.LFROfiS. The bullfrog is large, green, and warty. He can jump several times his own length. His voice is loud, but not pleasing. The bull-frog is shy and diffident. He builds his nest in damp, swampy places where it is difficult to track him. At the slightest alarm he utters a low, plaintive note and im mediately seeks refuge in the water. He is a good diver, and can swim like a fish, 'except that he does not wiggle. but kicks. There was a frog once that blowed himself full of air until he busted like a paper sack. This .shows the folly of vanity and self-conceit. O, my friends, let us endeavor not to act in that manner, but to be good and truthful. Let us remember that life is short, and that we must always be up and doing. Some people like bullfrogs to eat, but I would rather have pie. JOHNNY. ' THEIR SECOND MEETING. When Miss Swagger met Mr. Saph edde at the seaside she thought he was a millionaire and he permitted her to think so, although he was a humble clerk in a hotel at Skwedunk. On her return home, some weeks after his de parture, it so happened that she stop ped over night at the Skwedunk hotel. Her meeting with Mr. Saphedde was embarrassing to him until she said "O, you didn't tell me you were a hotel proprietor." "No." he said, airily, "I own several hotels over the country, but I didn't think they were hardly worth men tioning." Ohio State Journal. LEARNING THE BUSINESS. Strong "I was- sorry to hear that you had lost your job. What are you doing now?" t Weeks "Taking lessons In wood carving. Strong "Have you a. position la view after learning the art?" Weeks "Yea. My wife la going to open a boarding house. NATtRALIT SLOW. "You are not looking well," said the hardware clerk to his friend, the plumber. "No. I've been very sick, replied the pipe-hitter, "but I'm mending lowly." Mjsic for Reform -A movement has been started at Richfield Springs, N. Y., which may and certainly ought to become na tional and even world wide.' It in volves the great question of how to spend money so that it will do the greatest good to the greatest number. The originator of this movement is Robert W. Taller,' a New York million aire, who, with his talented family, has spent the summers of several years past at the famous watering resort. Mr. railer makes no pretense of being a philanthropist and shrinks from any publicity in connection with his many generous acts. The people of the pretty central New York village, how ever, affectionately style hl-n The Esther of Rich Held Spnjj. For a number of seasons he and his accomplished wife led in movements whi;h would tend to aid the younger residents of the village and much good resulted. Associations were main tained in which young men were taught in the different branches of ed ucation and instructed in different trades. Some of these are now skilled mechanics and others hold responsible positions in the business world. The scope of this influence npon the people generally was not broad enough to satisfy Mr. and Mrs. Tailer, and they determined to inaugurate something that would reach farther. Mrs. Tailer being a skilled musician and Mr. Tail er . passionately fond of music, bottf realize the refining and elevating tendency of a musical education. Here was the opportunity for -which they had been looking. They would make it possible for every man and woman, boy and girl in Richfield Springs to be come proficient in playing some instru ment. The Richfield Springs Musical Association was formed and Prof. Frank Thompson, formerly of the Ma rine Band at Washington, was secured as instructor. This was a year ago. Now the' association has two brass bands, one of twenty pieces, the other of thirty-two, a marine drum corps in which are a dozen boys, and a ladies' orchestra of twenty instruments. Each organization is now able to give con certs and the guests at the place, many of whom are musical critics, pronounce the renditions as exceptionally fine. The members of the bands and the drum corps have the finest instru ments obtainable and are the possess ors of attractive uniforms. The la dles' orchestra has given a number of musicales, which are patronized by the social leaders. The association, in the words of Mr. Tailer, is supported by the people of Richfield, but the people say that Mr. Tailer is back of the en HE WANTS TO MAKE (Robert W. Tailer, a New York million movement at Richfield Springs, MONEY LOST. IN CARS. A New Torn Conductor Picks Up S6.07 ' In n Year. - "Have you . any idea bow much money is lost in the street cars of this town?" asked a Metropolitan Street Railway conductor of a reporter the other day, after he had picked up a dime and stowed it in an inside pocket. "Well, there's a lot of it, and no one knows it better than we conductors. Hunting for coins on the bottom of my car is one of my regular grafts, and any other conductor who has been in the business long enough to get his eyes open is on the same lay," says the New York Sun. V , "Last year I made up my mind to put ' away every cent I found in my car In an old iron bank I had at home, for - the benefit of my youngster. I kept stowing the coins away, and at the end of. the year I had $6.07. Of course that's not a barrel of money, but it's a right nice pick.-up for a con ductor. The biggest find I made that year was a fifty cent piece. From that the coin ran all the way down to a cent. - In the winter time the pickings are especially good, for then every one has on gloves, and coins Blip from the fingers to the floor without the owner's IT IS THE DREAM OF A NEW YOR.K MILLIONAIRE tire enterprise and its success is owing to Tis generosity. -. However this may be, it is certain that the purpose of the New York mil lionaire is to continue the work of in teresting the people of Richfield in se curing musical educations and to make it possible for- them to become pro ficient in the charming art. He hopes to make the place an object lesson for other communities and it is reasonable to believe that he holds the opinion that other wealthy people will emu late his example. The Beneficent Effect of Such Work would certainly be inestimable. " Music is always refining and elevating. A man or a woman who can play an in strument well is sure of social recog nition wherever he or she may be. . A musical education aids one in enter taining and in making the home life pleasant. Many shadows would be dis pelled from the households of the country if the - father, or mother, or both of them could play some musical instrument. . Dullness, awkwardness, coarseness and ignorance will speed from the charms of music like the brooding spirit of darkness from the breaking, sunlight. Music softens the passions and improves the intellect. It inspires courage and makes human ity better and nobler in every way.- It brisgs quiet to the restless, joy to the sorrowing, r comfort to the lonely and energy to the" slothful. It is the In spiration of youth and the solace of age. It is one of the golden keys which often unlocks the door of. the citadel of success. It was Schwab's musical ability, as well as his mechanical abil ity, which first attracted the attention of Carnegie. , The plan successfully started by tie modest millionaire at Richfield Springs should be inaugurated in every com-) niunity. in this country. The wealthy could not spend their extra dollars in a better cause. The people would take xinly to the scheme. In a few years we would be a nation of musicians and there would be far less of rudeness, misery and. depravity. Musical asso ciations should be formed in every place on the lines of the one now or ganized in Richfield. Competent in structors should be secured and mem bers of both : sexes included in th membership. Politeness, and reflns ment in speech and action will follow as the associations continue. Mr. Tailer's idea is new, so far as its manner of execution is concerned, but it is so plausible and reasonable: that every one is forced to commend, it May it succeed beyond the fondest ex pectations of its promoter. US A NATION OF MUSICIANS. aire, who has inaugurated a unique N. Y. Photo by Cameron.) knowing it. The only way to be sun you have all the money is to pick the gratings on the floor. I do that even night as regularly as I eat my supper. Now. I've figured it out that if I find $6 in one year. It's very likely that other conductors average somewhere near that sum, may be more, maybe less. There are several thousand con ductors in Greater New York, so that it is safe to say that at least $15,000 or $20,000 is annually dribbled on to the floors of street cars by the passen gers. In this estimate I don't Include large sums, which are sometimes lost in wallets and purses. A conductor ia expected to, turn these In at the office and about all of them do. But the nickels and dimes and quarters ' are legitimate pickings and we all have our eyes peeled for them." rnrlstlnn Govern In Tarts ey. Foreigners residing in Constantino ple are much excited over the Sultan's recent edict forbidding Turkish fami lies hereafter to engage Christian gov ernesses. The Turkish ' journals at tempt a weak apology by attacking the moral character of the governesses. . Lucky is the man who makes mora money than his wife can spend. ALFALFA CROP SECY COBURN TELLS OF INCREASE IN ACREAGE. WAS EIGHT-FOLD IN TEN YEARS 3.3S Acne) in 1891 ; 319,000 Acre In lS-Ol Every Codnty la tne Stmt now tore or lee Jewell la tne Lend Alfnlfn la tne Se.1 vntloo of Stockmen "V" In Dry "' Secretary F. D.,Coburn, of the Kan sas State Board of Agriculture has is sued a bulletin on "Kansas and Her alfalfa." supplemented ' by a general statement of the value of alfalfa as a crop in Kansas. Secretary Coburn says: v - The past summer of diversified weather has served admirably to em phasize- the desirability of growing alfalfa in the Middle West, and also testified forcibly to its adaptability. The wonderful performances this year of this widely exploited plant have at tracted attention anew to its worth, it having already yielded two, three or four cuttings, and the stockman who was possessed of even a small acreage is in an enviable situation. The in telligent Kansas farmers, whose state far and always leads all others in al falfa production, are constantly bet tering their condition and chances for success by devoting larger areas to it3 culture, as is conspicuously indicated in official statistics compiled by the state board of agriculture. For in stance, the" first official notice was taken of alfalfa by the board in 1891, when the total returned was 34,384 acres; this year its field extends over 319,000 acres, showing the phenomenal increase in the ten years of over 828 per cent. Even when first considered of suf ficient importance to be officially rec ognized as belonging to Kansas' rep ertoire of crops, a canvass of the re turns for that . year (1891) shows that. with the three exceptions of Atchison, Johnson and Miami, each county de voted more or less land to its growth, Finney county leading with ,717 acres; while the counties ranging be tween that number and 1,000 acres were Kearny, Chase, Cloud, Gray. Lyon, Saline, Sedgwick and Wabaun see, and of those claiming an acreage at all Linn was among the smallest, having two acres. " Now, while not the foremost, Finney has 12,545, and Linn 2G1, and the three counties mentioned as having none in 1891 have a total of C21 acres. .' - The following table shows, accord ing to . their rank, the twenty-six present leading Kansas counties in al falfa acreage, with their acreage for 1901 and also for 1891: - 1901. 1S91. Counties. Acres. Acres. Jewell 21,994 296 3utler 15,669 503 Norton 14,401 442 Finney 12,545 5,717 Chase 10,390 1,401 Republic 10,389 49C Mitchell 9,659 880 Phillips .... 9,131 111. Wabaunsee 8,987 1,031 Lyon 8,871 1,093 Sedgwick 8,399 1,023 Dsborne " 8,371 379 Greenwood 8,253 421 Smith 7,568 53 McPherson 7,107 980 Marion 7,024 851 Saline : . . . 6,906 1 ,09S Cloud 6,876 2,018 Kearny Decatur Pottawatomie ........ Cowley 6,120, 2,188 6,011 5,761 5,706 5,625 160 334 416 Riley 136 Reno 5,481 Ottawa 5,398 Rice '. 5,362 651 75; 625 Totals .,..227,995 24,078 "This table Is strikingly suggestive of tbe rapidity and extent to which merifalone has forced recognition of a very wonderful field crop. As will be noted, the total acreage of the twenty- six, counties in 1891 does not greatly exceed that of the one county of Jewell in 1901, and the combined acreage of the two counties of Jewell and Butler In 1901 is greater by over 3,000 acres than the entiie state's alfalfa area in 189L It is difficult to comprehend adequately the magnitude of the in crease, and, however prodigious it may appear so expressed, it is a fact that Smith county gained over 14,179 per cent in acreage in the ten years, Phil lips over 8,126 per cent, etc, etc. in a lesser degree to the end, those men tioned being given as striking ex amples. "This year's figures proclaim an In crease for the state of 43.134 acres, or more than 15 per cent over one yea? ago. Among those counties leading in alfalfa and showing greatest per cent of gain for the year are: Jewell. 21,994 acres, gain, 24 per cent; Butler, 15,669 acres, gain" 21 per cent; Nor ton. 14.401 acres, gain 25 per cent Finney, 12,545 acres, gain 9 per cent; Chase. 10,390 acres, gain 8 per cent; Republic, 10,389 acres, gain 27 per cent Mitchell, 9,659 acres, gain 14 per cent Wabaunsee, 8978 acres, gain 22 per cent; Osborne, 8,371 acres, gain 29 per cent, and Greenwood. 8,253 acres, with a gain of 9 per cent. "All portions of the state display re markable and increasing Interest in al falfa growing, as is demonstrated by the large gain. - Some counties present ing notable examples of the continued activity in sowing alfalfa are Hodge man, with an increase of 234 per cent Harper, 210 per cent; Neosho, 84 per cent; Miami. 80 per cent; Barber, $7 per cent; Clark, 50 per cent; Mar- shall,' 44 Jer cent; Decatur. 42 per 1 Tim T.otcSe I . . . The opening of the Orpheum. Kan sas City's high class . vaudeville the ater, was most auspicious, and the grade of - entertainment established promises to be the best of its kind obtainable. For the week beginning September 29, Louise Thorn dike Boucl cault, of a famous theatrical family, will be the chief entertainer, in a sketch by Augustus Thomas, one of America's foremost playwrights. Lu cille Saunders, a renowned contralto, formerly with the Metropolitan Grand Opera company, will give vocal selec tions; the Sa-Vans will entertain in a roaring farce called "A CJown's Mishaps-;" Ameta will do her notable spectacular dance; Flatt and Suther land are two very comical people who manufacture laughter? Tommy Baker always has something new and good in a -monologue; and Memphis Kennedy is a musician who can be artistic and funny at the same time. The Kino drome has new moving pictures each, week of the most timely public events. Matinees are given every Sunday. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. J. H. Dye, a Wichita anarchist, has been - cast out of town., ' Probably the most scholarly person at Baker university is Mr. Study. Some real potatoes were among the, exhibits at the Rooks county fair last week. " ' A careless proofreader on the Wel lington Journal let "society bugs" go for debutantes. The proud look you see on the faces of the Newton people Is owing to the local fire department. - -The Invitation still hangs out at the Tola restaurants to "drop in and get a slice of iced watermelon." A couple of Topeka parents are fighting in the courts over the custody of a little boy of 22 years. -. If you want to believe the Reflector, there is a.girl visiting In Abilene with a bunch of real Paris gowns. Ottawa has . a Calamity alley which sheds water into the cellars, and in this way makes good its name.' The bride whose age was published In the -Topeka Herald - as 43 ' is not likely to subscribe for that paper. There is a good deal - of talk in Northern Kansas In favor of fewer school districts and better schools. Oswego is considerably elated at the prospect of a having -a foot bailer on the Kansas university team this fall. It is easy to guess what would hap pen to Czolgosz If he were in Leaven-. worth, even if he is not a colored man. There was what the Times calls a Hot Fire" in Clay Center a few days ago. Clay Center never does things by halves. Abilene has at last become persuaded X, A J . lsxsxli- ltlra ftltv -tzrifrVl- out garbage cans and has acted ac- rrrrrt t n trl v The burglar who broke into a pantry at Galena and ate up a dishful of cold potatoes is fleeing in terror from the enraged mob. There was stuff enough of one kind and another to draw 5,000 people to the Iola fair in one day pretty gooa ' for a dry year. The band concerts at Wichita Will close with September. After that, the people will have to depend on the mosquitoes for music In Independence a youn& woman who does not belong to the Rebekahs has nothing to talk about when sht is with the other girls. .: ".. An absent-minded farmer near Stockton forgot to tell his corn when height of fourteen feet. The. stage is to receive an accession in the person of an Abilene man who has enjoyed a thorough . dramatic training as sheriff of Dickinson county. The unusual number of square ehouldered, long-haired students with thick sweaters and - bulldog . pipes which have appeared at Lawrence within the last fortnight presages year of exceptional success at the Kan sas university. xratt is much distressed' be causa Tom Roll, an outsider, came to town and won the horse-shoe tossing cham pionship away from the most famous experts in Southwestern Kansas. Pool Grinstead, the Doniphan county editor who is in jail at Troy, was robbed of filly cents the other day by another prisoner. But what does an editor in Jail need of mone? James Higgins, a brakeman, 25 yean old, on the - Atchison; Topeka and Santa Fe, while braking In the yard at Florence, fell under the cars and had both legs cut off below the knees. He Is a married man and lives in Em poria. ' One of the early effects of the recent big fire at Emporia is a rummage sale to obtain .money to help build a new Methodist church. A rummage sale is a proceeding which admits of the util ization of old, trash in rebuilding th walls of Zion. - A little Wichita boy whose grown kin tried to cure him of typhoid fever by means of faith alone, has gone to join the other little boys who have toyed with threshing machines, or who have crawled through a hedg fence and pulled a shotgun through after them. . A stranger In Iola could not raise $5 the other day by offering a horse as security. Now, If he could have put up a bag of potatoes it would have been different. Of a class of forty girls who were graduated in Severance in 1878, .thirty-three are married and at last accounts were the mothers of some thing over 250 children. . "Carmen wad performed in Emporia recently and the - Flueborers rounded op members of the company- after the show and wanted to know whether they were conductors or Just "brake men. -'