White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume], July 30, 1863, Image 1

About White Cloud Kansas chief. [volume] (White Cloud, Kan.) 1857-1872

Image provided by: Kansas State Historical Society; Topeka, KS

                
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SOL. MILLER, EDITOR AND PUBLISHER. .
. THE CONSTITUTION AND THE UNION.
i TERMS $2.69 PER ANNUM, 19 ADVANCE.
VOLUME VII.-NUMBER 4,
WHITE CLOUD, KANSAS, THURSDAY, JULY 30, 1863.
WHOLE NUMBER, 316.
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Eflistts
IbM.
K B 4 J M lM M m M
nice l0ttrg.
AJTEB "TAPfl."
W Trior! Tnmp! Tramp! T
., iB, with oy blanket on,
B, Ik. 4i "-'" in ,ta m001lIil ,S,,,
tbe skirmishing "V" w" """,
TBaasareabeatoflhesentry'ifeet,
Wiiillw jingling seabbard'a'ricg!
Tn-pt Trtmp! in my meadow-camp,
jj til SksnanJoah't spring
Tl. mooaliflt seems to shed u bn,,
On a row or pale gravestones:
ntohn-'ebretlh. and that image of Death
mil y &" reveille's """'
B, .itb tented roof. charger's hoor
Mik.i the fr'T bill-side ''"F
Gin it. boile breath, mod i spirit of Death
To tub bone'i J'"1 wi" Pr.
Tnmn! Trtmp! Trtmp! Tnmp!
Th. seetry. Infer, mj tent,
Gttrfs, ia gloom, ki. chief, for whom
lu shelter to-night ii lent.
I tm not tkere. On the hill-lide litre.
I think of the ghost within;
Or theirs" who died tl my sword-hand lije,
To-Jiy. 'mid the horrible din
Of ibot tad ib'II and tbe infantry jell.
Aa we charged with the atbre drawn.
To tnj betrt I Kid. "Who iliall be tbe detd
la lent, at another dawn!"
1 thoa-Vt of a blossoming almond-tree, .
The ttatelieit tree that I know;
Of a tolden bowl; of a parted soul;
And a limp tbtt ii hurting low.
Oh, llwoflils that kill ? I thought ofthe hill
In the far-off Jort chain;
Of the 10. the three, o'er the wide tall lea,
Whose beam weald break with pain;
Of ray pride and joy my eldest hoy;
Of nr darlin. the second in jean;
Of JTiUie, who.e face, with ill pore, mild grace,
Melts memory into tears;
Oftre'r mo'iier. nr bride, hy the Alpine lake's aide.
And rhe anyelasleep in Per armt;
lse, Keaoty, and Troth, which the brought to roy youth,
la lliat tweet Apri I day of lier cUarraa.
"IlilT JTioeoiaeirirre?" The cold midnight air
And the eliallen-in- word chill me throo-h.
TisjhMt of a fear nhiipen, close to my ear,
-tip-ril, lore, coming to yon?"
rvwiine answer, "Rklikf," tnnket the ahado of l
Tli kdwet uatra lliee . nee titan, a A.I
grief
A melt, in air, while a tear and a prayer
CocaMe my beloved to God.
Tnmp! Tnmp' Tramp! Tramp!
With a solemn, pendulum-twin;!
Tkon-H t slomber all night, the fire burns bright,
AaJ my sentinels acabbarda ring.
"Boot an & sa.Ule!" itsonn.ling. Our poises are bounding.
"To horse-" And I tonth with my heel
B'stk Crsy in the flsnVi. and ride down tlie ranks.
With my heart, like my atbre, of steel.
AJTO&EW HALL FOOTS.
ttliit tin-, nor Mmie fou;ltt at PoneUon.
Anil round Fori lletirv wunul in sialr-lile coils,
We owed to one man's neter-cea.in- toils.
Much of Ibe siclories which there upre -.run.
Long and with honor had he sened Ih land.
At home, and more ahroaj on aea and shore;
And when fien-e wr stretched out its bloody hand,
He stood alert enjrer to do yet more;
And none of ill who're nohlj fought and bled,
lisre fairer, brighter record kept than he.
To-dijibal hero-tentleman lies dead
A Christian soldier lost to liberty!
'Mid solemn bells and reeerent jnnl, well may the nation
weep
Abote the honored dust of him who calmly lies asleep.
Sdcrt ak
ICHABODj
OB,
TIIE PLEASURE OFBATHING.
Rr TACL CBETTON.
Ichibod Inches was extravagantly fond
of bathing. Nearly every day, in the
Summer time, he used to go down to the
pood bick of Deacon Johnson's barn, de
PjKite bis clothes in the bushes, and
Plunge like a dnck into the water.
Tbe pond wis a fine bath so clear
brilliant when the snn shono, that
f"7 pebble that glittered on the hard
bottom, was distinctly visible ; and even
u Ichabod dove down in the deepest
P'. joo. conld see him kicking and
prawling among the frightened fishes, like
6ret white frog, or a regular merman.
Ichabod chose the shadowy part ofthe
P". behind Deacon Johnson's barn.
om coniderat;ons wn;cn every m0leat
.ro.aW'Ucommend- The Deacon had
i: i, ?'v. la'l enterprising girls, who de-
eomef ' umb,ing "boat th8 frm'
the d '"j6? exteo'nS eir excursions to
hiJ0"0 ' 0 "lere be'nK no suca thing
00j , xaS,a e transparent wator, Icba
' oanl tbe barn a convenient retreat
Tm of 8arPri'9e- coa,d
cii e4rl.th6 g"ls coming, in season to
np his clothes, retreat to the barn
SoSflh-,nlSelf'8iT',nKthem no M
l"oa of his presence.
ditcay; howe,rer. Ichabod was sadly
S9df tnew.y0fit: It
S .; " '?. There was warm.
IH ?"!? aJc,loa,llK8 J- Ichabod
Woi '? eliShtfnl b"h. and in the
ef thbn9hes wb hi. clothes
2 & a nDder garment 0Ter h" hd,
ahe was .urtled by a most terrific
i 2 i ? b,ackberry bh. ami look.
er 2 f fr " ber- Ptlr. or what-
fcitriM In'l5,Ight be' ,b" yowled
.mSJ; W" m Ichbod'' hair
MP.ly'ed with fear.
Another growl, however, started Icha
bod ont of the briars. He had never
heard anything so horrifying before. He
canght a glimpse of a hoge bristling
monster, with glaring eyes, on the other
tide of the bushes, and fled.
Unfortunately, Ichabod 'was not only
ont of his senses, bat oat of his clothes.
He left bis shirt hanging on the briars.
He rnshed into the barn. He shut the
door after him with greatc trepidatloB,
and clang to tbe beam to keep from fall
ing. He trembled as he never trembled
before, and his legs seemed crumbling
away beneath him.
Finding himself safely in tbe barn,
however, with the monster on tbe oat
side, Ichabod presently began to recover
from his fright. Still hearing a series of
nneartbly growls, he ventured to look
through a crack in the door, to get a sight
at the monster.
It was not a bear. It was not a pan
ther. It was only a dog Deacon John
son's dog, too, the most peacefnl of all
dogs. Besides, Ichabod and Towser had
always been friends. Bat Ichabod had
never before seen him bristle np so, or
heard him ntter such growls. He was
as large as two dogs.
" He is mad," thought Ichabod.
Then Ichabod began to think of his
clothes. He dared not go for them, nev
er reflecting that Towser's unaccountable
insanity was all owing to sheer fright.
Nothing indeed terrifies a dog so much
as the sight of human being in a state of
nudity. Ichabotl could not have got
within a rod of Towser, had he tried.
Towner's growl was a growl of terror,
and he followed his old friend, through
the strange fascination of feur, and now
began to yelp and bark before the barn
door in a most wild and alarming man
ner, for poor Ichabod !
After suffering much agony, in his re
treat, Ichabod, anxious to recover his
clothes, resolved to presume- npon bis
former intimacy with Towser, to coax him
ont of his insanity. Accordingly, nfter
considerable preliminary whistling and
flattering through a crack. Ichabod cau
tiously opened the door. Towser, recog
nizing the voice, had for a moment ap
peared easier ; bnt tin- instant ho siw the
terrible sight of a n.ikcd man, his bristles
went np again, and ho yelled horribly.
Ichabod shut the boor, as if he had been
met by a troop of wolves !
Onr hero's situation was, you may "say,
without contradiction, anything but pleas
ant. In vain did he beg and entreat Tow
ser to know him and come out of his
madness.
" Poor Towser! good Towser! Tow.
Tow come, Tow!" he cried, and Towser
answered with yells.
Ichabod groaned, and enrsed, and shiv
ered, and enrsed again, when shade of
Diana ! a chorus of female voices hurst
in upon Ichabod's oar.
"O. Lor! O. Lor! it'n Jo'inson's girl!"
groaned Ichabud, looking through tbe
crack.
"That infernal dog they'll think
there's a thief in the barn ! Hoi Don't
come !" he shonted, as three robust girls
approached the door don't come! for
heaven's sake."
He flew about the barn like a chicken
after its neck is wrung. There was no
way of fastening the door. To hold on
was out of the question the girls would
look through the crack !
So Ichabod got behind a ladder bnt
he found this wonldb't do. His eye fell
on a bundle of straw, and he wished
himself a mouse, that he might crawl in
to it.
The girls came nearer. Having paci
fied the dog, they boldly datrjrmineil to
ascertain the canso of his terror.
Don't come I'm nuked for heav
en's sake, don't !" shrieked Ichabod.
Not understanding his words, the girls
thought he was calling for assistance.
Suddenly all was si'ent. Thpy looked
through the cracks, bnt they saw nothing.
Timidly they opened the door. The barn
was as silent as a chnrcb on Monday
morning. Encouraging each other, the
girls entered. This eneonraged the dog,
and he entered too. Nobody was to be
seen.
The girls looked everywhere np the
ladder, on the mow. behind the pitchfork
that atood in the corner and finally con
cluded the robber or whoever the mys
terions individual was mast be in tbe
fanniac mill.
" Tarn it, Molly." said Jane.
Molly turned it but as she did not
find ont anybody, the girls changed their
minds, and felt certain the mysterions in
dividual mnst be in the large apple' bar
rel which stood in the corner.
The, barrel was covered with straw.
Jane pointed at it mysterionsly. Molly
tnrned pale. She was sure she saw the
straw move ; and the dog was beginning
to snuff and growl at it, as 'if convinced
there wai something wrong. Lizzie
brandished a sickle. One took herstation
on one side.of the barrel, and the other
on the 'Other side. Towner was before
St. tTrowlinirfritihtfnllT. Molly approach
ed it from behind, and at a aignal from
Jane tipped it over and spilled ont
Ichabod I
TT ont like a raring, make out
of a snuff-box. Up went Towaer's i bris
tles, and down came Jane'e pitchfork,
ithin an inch of lcbaooaa ear i
T.;v. at near reaniug tbe left with
her sickle. Molly shrieked ; the sisters
recoiled. They had recognised Ichabod!
....nnn'f look at me ! O, Lor! the dog
my clothei!" ejaculated Mr. .Inches.
".Don't don't look l" ' .
i.d .v.;u tha in'rla aeat np a chorea
of wild, ringing laughter, be drew baek
into the barrel, like a tnrtle into its shell.
Amid the stifled growls of Trowser.
and the giggling of the girls, Ichabod;
who bad hastily fortified bis retreat with
what straw he conld grup by reaching
ont bis naked arms, told bia story, and
entreated tbe girls to bring him his
clothes, and call away the dog.
-This they obligingly did ; and having
witndrawa, to grgp Ichabod an opporta
Mtyyto dress, Wgot out ofthe barrel and
into his clothes in double quick time.
He thinks he never occupied so little
time in dressing before, or since.
Ichabod, then, with feelings that can
be " more easily imagined than descri
bed," appeared, white and ghastly, be
fore the girls, who laughed ; and before
Towser, who snuffed at him, hung his
head, and finally sneaked away, with his
tail down, very much ashamed. Icha
bod, very much ashamed, too, went off
in another direction, and disappeared in
the hushes ; and owing to painful asso
ciations connected with the briars, the
dog, and the barrel, and the girls, our
hero never afterwards went in swimming
behind Deacon Johnson's barn.
Ptstclkcmrs.
GOD 8 AVE MY COTKTBT THE TTHITED
STATES OF AKEBICA."
Larr Wokdi or GexisUI. Scatsia.
T J.. T. U. T1.TLOK.
"God tare my country!" so the hero cried,
While on his brow was press'd, all cold and damp,
The hand of death and the pale, fliekrring )iht
Flaahed up a moment in the dying lamp.
lie prayed that God woold aare onr bleeding land;
That Heaven in merey would oor country spare;
For never yet were those hi-h portals closed
Against l patriot's earnest, beart.felt prayer.
O! Pomner! tho no more, thy thonder-tones
Will sonnd abore the battle's awful storm!
Tlio' never more thy comradea will be cheered
Ry the Imld presence of thy martial form.
Vet will the history of thy glorions deeda
llrijhten shole pa);ea of onrcountry's lore.
And "Libtrt jt" will bans; npon Ihy tomb '
A prouder wreath than ever monarch wore.
Lon; is the lit of heroes gone before
An I now npon the scroll another name,
Enrirrled by n radiant light, appears
'Tit Snmner's, written by the hand of Fame!
God save ray country'" Ah! he ktutr itt vortM
When all things el.e had faded, 'twas bit care.
And we will kneel h-fore Thy throne, ah! Ood,
And beg an answer to that dying prayer.
BO! SOB THE G1JNVB0ATS.
Hoi for the gun-boats, bot
Ho! for the foaming seal
Onr starry flag it floating there,
The emblem ofthe free.
Ho! for the gnn-lxiats, ho!
Ho! fjr the rivers bright!
There beams the star of liberty.
With pore and holy light.
R'prat firtl four linn ofcacM rcrae.
tlo! for the gnn.hoats, ho!
Ho! for the Ocean Kings!
Their vict'riet on the seas are born
Upon the lightning's wings.
Ho! for their bows of steel t
In every clime and lone.
The thunders of their mighty guns
Shall shake the tyrant's throne.
Hoi for the brave hearts, bol
Ho! for the stripes and stars!
Before their might the despot bowt
The prison doornnbars.
Ho! for the gutj-botts, ho!
Bo! for the waters bloe!
To freedom and oor glorioos flag,
Wo pledge oorselves anew.
s e ,
A. Ward Meets Hoilcau, the Cop-pet-bead
Editor.
Won uv the Poits, I forgit witch wnn,.
sez ".the proper studdy of mankind is
man ;" but to understand human natnr
perfickly requires snra nollego of the oth
er animal, ez fur instance soaix! There's
a grate eel of human natnr in snaix 1
Speaking ov snaix, reminds me ov a
incident which happened to mo the oth
er day. I was a traveling in the cars,
when a man cum in with a countenance
witch looked ez if it hail been biled and
the sknm not properly tuk off. He was
anrnmnanied bv a verv Tonne roan in a
very yaller shute of close. The young
man staired bard at me, wnerenpon 1
said to him in my most insinnooatin
manner. " Yonr Farvant. snr ; du yon
se eny thing green about me 1"
"Neigh, revrent snr," ne replied, "pur
mit me to introjuce to yu a patriot."
" Wheer abouts ?" sez I.
Hnrf sez I.. (This was spoken sar
kasticle. fur I hate travelling patriots
like dog pi.)
" Nothing to speak on," sez he, "I am
simply an umbel patriot."
" How much kin yon make a wcec at
it ?" seas I, if its followed np well !"
Rnn" said he. " I am surprised at
snch loverly. I make my woonds by it.
snr ; also stripes, likewise im prising
ments. I bev been incarcenated in for
tress Laffeyette, sur."
Indeed," sez I.
Yes, snr," sez he ; I wos incarcena
taut in that fsdral baatill. becoz I would
not abay a tirannickle government."
Sampthing like Jno. V. Hampton,"
said I, "wen he objected to settling his
skule tax T lis rayiner singular w uiw
s pease man who is also a patriot. I
should like to bev yore wax figger'in my
show."
" Yoa flatter me." sez he.
"Not a tall." eez I. " Wot biainess
do yon foller wen times is doll ?"
T m m naditur." sav he. " I tole
Mr. Lmkun wot I thort of him, snr, in
my paper, snr. I tole him the war woz a
nnnolf war. xna me renew wu - an.u
fnr thr bnrthrites aa tha constitution.
That J. Davis wo a grate man, aa no
body couldn't itop mm. i apeiea vo
lliananl .n. T T I.U lt. a- !
" pcr"c ' iw" atu t,o arise in
thar mite and.magersty, hurl A. Linknn
from power, aad ade the Sonth in bur
noble effort to save tbe Union. Far this,
sur, l was incaroeasted in a dungeon.'
" How did von git ont V sez I
" Woz yon let ont on the rit of Hocus
Pocns?" .
"Neigh, sur," aad he. I wos de
prived of. my coBstitOfliional rite to that
rit, which -wos arrmud 'frora'K.Dg' John
ny meoowia Darrens at tbe Mennymeed,
and witch hez been wottered by the bind
ov onr sires and antsis.ers."
" But how did you git out V sz I.
"The majeraty uv the-stait nv Penn
silvennier," he continued, " has been vi
erlated in my umbel person that mitey
Stait witch was foundered by W. H.
Penn. in pease witch was purchast
by him frum the nobel red men ov the
forrest."
" Ingin is pizen wheresoever found,"
sez I. " How did yon get ont ?''
" The Legislatoor ov my native Stait is
resolvin the Legislatoor of my nativ
Stait is goin to avenge her viurlated sov
ereignty." ' My fren,' sez I, " my patriotic fien,
kyerb these flites of imadgernation, subu
these flours ov retterick, and inform me,
0, inform me,
" Let me not bast in ignorants,"
but inform me how did you get out ?"
Sez he, very short, " I would not
bough down an take the oath. I woz
releefd on my pay roll ov honor."
" Yn oadacions ens," sed I, " a mitey
site meaner than Limhnrg cheese is ynre
pay roll ov honor. Why, sur, my imor
tal little monkey is smart kompared tn
yu. My kobra wouldn't associate with
you. My wax figger of Smith, the wife
mnrderer, wud skorn tn ware ynre close.
Why. snr, it air a privilege to take the
othe of a legance. I take it, snr, in the
mornin when I rize nn brethe the are of
freedom. I take it wen I lye down at
nite seknre in the protection of mi conn
try. I administer the othe tn mi famer
lv. I teech it tn my innercent children.
Yn a patriot ! ' Shadder of G. Wash
ington defend ns! if the suvereignity ov
yonre natiff Stait is lodged in yore person,
in my opinion t hares mitey little to keep
it from falling to the ground. Wile yn
air loose, sur, onest men hev no pleasure in
bein free. Wen yu "are tnckt up then
the rites of onest men air seknre. My
son, Andrew Jackson Ward, snr, is a
corporal in the army of the Union. He
marches next to the man who kerrys the
flag. The rebels may shots at him, bnt
his dooty is to hold onto his fire till the
last moment for the defence of that glo
rious flag. An wile them ignorant ruf
fins air a levlin thsre gnns at his manly
brest, yu, sur, an sntch abandoned cow
ardly villains ez yn, sur, air a tellin em
ware tn aim. Yu air a tellin em tn stan
tharo ground, an to fire on the Stars and
Stripes witch my son may even now be a
itrin proudly in the face ov tbe foe. If
I ssrved you rite, snr, I wood take yon
by tbe scrnft of ynre worthless neck an
the sete ov yure close, carry yn out onto
that platform and drop yoa onto the
track, wen the kars conld mangle your
rotten flesh an grind yure disreppytable
bones to powder 1
Sez he, lookin kind o' skeart, " the
Legislatoor ov mi natiff Stait"
" Gnss the Legislatoor ov yonr natiff
Stait," sez I. " I hev no sitch snaix in
mi show. South Carolina addopted the
rattle snaik as the emblem ov hnr saver
eignty bnt yure Leggislatoor hez chtiie
a meaner, an more pizenos reptyle tha
ropperhed. My feeble opinion is, sur,
that aither W. Penn diddent git a good
title, or he left no legitermate ares, and
the sovereignty ov ynre natiff Stait hes
reverted to the pizen logins agin, witoh
woz the oridginal possessors."
Here the whistle blode fur Johnstown,
ware I cot out and exhibited my moril
entertainment, at a large an truly patriot
ic audgence ov American cityzens.
e a
Thet Love Treason, but Despise the
Traitors. The testimony, says the Re
publican, or Chester Connty, Pa., is uni
versal, that the rebels in Cumberland
Valley have treated certain sympathizers
in that region with great contempt. A
well authenticated fact comes to ns, and
we think it shonld be made a part of the
record of this war. The rebel General
Jenkins, while in Chambershnrg. either
by his own invitation or otherwise, took
tea one evening with Mrs. McClure, the
wife of Col. Alex. McClure.
After being seated, he said : " Mrs.
McClnre, your husband left here last
night?" Yes." " He went out by
way of Rntherford's Lane 7" "Yes."
"He was on foot?" "Yes; bnt,"
said Mrs. McClure, " how is it. General,
yon know all these particulars? "Ob,"
said Jenkins, with tbe most biting scorn
and irony, "I have it all from our con
stitutional frwtdt!" This is bnt a ein-
gle instance of tbe conduct of tbese men
in Cumberland valley.
k-Gaxe or Draw. The East to the
West, greeting Gettysborg. July, 4,
1863 : We go voa 12.000 prisoners.
The West to tbe East Vickaburg,
Julv 4. 1843 : All right, we go yon
12.000 better.
The following is from Vanity Fair :
THE TWO BURGS.
" Vicksbubo I GrrrrsicHo !
" To whom shall we 7roar tbe Meade
of praise?"
Yes. He Has. Lee has found that
there ia a big difference between going
out to hunt np a fight, and in baring oae
brought to yon.
TAKE T0TTB QUIT ATfD 00, 70S.
Don't atop a moment to think, John
Onr country calls, then go;
Don't fear for me nor the children, John,
I'll cart for them, yon know.
Leave tbe corn upon th ttalk, John,
The fruit upon tbe tree;
And all onr little stores, John,
Yes, leave them all to me.
Casaca Then, take your gun aad go; ''"
Yet, lake roarfaBJaeViji.
For Roth can drive tie oiei, Johl,
And Tcan ase tbe bo.
I've beard my grand-tire tell, John,
ne fought at Bonker Hill;
He counted all bit life and wealth,
Hit country's offering still.
Would I spare the brave old blood, John,
That flowed on Monmouth plain!
Wo! take yonr gun aad go, Joint,
Tbo' I ne'er ate yon again.
Caoavs Then, take yonr gun and go, Jto.
Tbe army's thort ofblankets, John,
Then take tbia heavy pair;
I tpnn and wove them whrn a girl.
And work'd them with great care.
A foao In every comer, John,
And here's my name, yon tee;
On tbe cold ground they'll warmer feci.
Became they're made by me.
Cnoan Then, uke your gsn and go, fco.
And, John, if Coil baa willed it to,
We ne'er shall meet again,
I'll do my beat for the children, John,
la torrow, want, or pain.
On Winter nights I'll teach them, John,
All that I learned at school
To love oor country, keep ber lawa,
Obey the Savior's rule.
CHOnca Then, take yonr gun and go, jto.
And now, good-bye to yoo, John
I cannot tay farewell;
We'll hope and pray for the beat, John
His goodness none can tell.
May Hit arm be rnnd about yon, John,
Te guard yon night and day
Be our be loved country's shield,
'Till war shall pan away.
Choici Then, take yonr gun and go, ftc
WAR CORRESPONDENCE.
Intcm-Ievr with the "Pres.'
Washisotoh, Jnne 10.
Dear Vanity I was ju6t on the point
of taking Vicksburg last week, when I
received a telegram from a gentleman
high in authority, requesting my immedi
ate presence here.
I came at once. Before leaving the
Mississippi, however, I sent Gen. Grant
the following order :
Headquarters, Jnne 1.
General Orders, No. 1,000,000,004.
-Take Vicksburg.
McArone.
Ass't Sup. Gen. Com. Rija. Shaya. U.
S..A.M. D. L. X. Y.Z. dec,
Undoubtedly, the order is filled by this
time.
"Chevalier," said President Lincoln
to me on my arrival, "have yon con
sidered the political movements of tbe
day, and their bearings ?"
"Somewhat, Sire," I responded, "bnt
not excessively."
"It is time. Tbe campaign commen
ces. Wonld yon like to be President of
the United States 1"
"I do know."
"It isn't much fun," sighed Lincoln,
wearily. "It is harder than flatboating,
and more confusing than splitting rails.
I have had a good Cabinet and a splen
did people to support mo. Bat the
demagogues torture me, and the copper
head sympathyzers undo the work of my
armies. Confound 'em 1" added the ex
cellent Chief, warming np, "what shall
I do with them ?"
"Draft 'em," I suggested.
"Bah 1 they won't fight. They're all
peace men that is, cowards," said Lin
coln, with ineffable disgust.
"Suppose we hang them all."
"That wonld be better. Meanwhile,
wonld yon accopt a nomination for the
Presidency ?"
"Not if yon will run for re-election,
8ire."
"Yon do me proud.Chevelier McArone.
Had I more such-men as those, the land
would soon be blest again, and smile as it
was wont to smile."
I embraced his knees, which are a
handy height from the floor, and thanked
him with tears.
After a brief silence, the President re
sumed: u
"Oh! wby should the spirit of mortals
be proud, when so beset by the distrac
tions of a severed people ? Yet there will
be several candidates, and maybe more.
There is talk of Seward, of Chase, of
McClellan, of Fremont, of Crittenden.
of Banks, of Butler, sad the hokey knows
how msny more. Now all .these parties
will unite, if we can find one upright,
honest, vigorons, capable' man the
genins of the honr'.
"Yourself, Sire."-
"No," said he, turning brusquely npon
me. "his other name it is Chevalier
McArone !"
I felt I blushed crimson, and became
very handsome. .
"Bnt, Sire." I faltered, "why. thrnst
this undue honor 'upon me? I am the
lowly violet, the rose of Sharon, and the
lily of the valley. My business Is to
blush unseen if I have done good by
stealth and I suppose I have done, more
than any six other men known to History
shall my cheek not glow with the fire
of multitudinous seas incarnadined, to
find it fame?" - .
It took the good President some min
utes to get at the nub of this discourse.
Fiaallv, be looked wise and said :
'P'r'ape."
"However," I continued, "if I am to
gird on the golden guerdon, and clutch
tbe diadem in a single bound, ia a word,
if yoa insist, I'm yonr man 1"
"Ah," said he, "thank yon. I pro
mise yon the suffrages of a grateful na
tion." "But, Sire, couldn't yon, conld'nt you
make a dead sure thing of it ?" I asked.
"How ?"
"By creating me President as a mili
tary necessity," I said modestly.
His brow darkened 1
"Aren't von asking fust a lectle too
I much ?" said he;
"It .doesn't strike me in that light," I
remarked.
"Look-a-here," said Abraham, draw
ing himself up to part of his fall height,
"yon are a very promising yonng man,
Chevalier, and you havo a future. But
I know a young man out West, who
worked for my father, and he died of
being too smart Now, don't yoa rather
prefer the idea of longevity ?"
"Tho rebuke is unmerited, Sire. I dis
tinctly decline to beeome a candidate,
that is, before the nominating commit
tee meet. I am the last man in tbe
world to do anght except what is prompt
ed by the most shrinking delicacy and
excessive modesty."
"We'll see," said the President.
There our conversation closed, but I
firmly believe that all parties and fac
tions can be brought to unite on me.
If you, dear Vanity, will support my
nomination with all yonr strength, it
will be the making of yonr fortune. Be
gin next week, please. You may cari-
caturo me as a gorilla, if yoa like.
Just as I close, a refined deserter brings
ietelligence that all is quiet along the Rap
pahannock.
It is rainy.
Yours, McArone.
AnTEirca Ward on tite Negro. Fel
ler Sittersuns, the Afrikan may be Oar
Brother. Sevril hily respectibil gentle
men, and some talentid females tell us
so, and for argymont sake I mite bo in-
jooced to grant it, tho' I don't believe it
myself. Hut tbe Afrikan isn t our sister,
and onr wife and uncle. He isn't sevral
of our brothers and all our fust wife's re
lashnns. He isn't oar grandfather and
onr grate grandfather, and our aunt in the
country. Scarcely. And yet snm por
sons wonld have us think so. Its troo
he runs Congress and sevral other public
grosserys, bat thea he ain't everybody
and everybody else likewise. Nolis to
bizness man of Vanity Fair : Extra charg
fur this larst remark. It's a goak. A.
W.
But we've got the Afrikan, or rather
he's got us, and now what are we going
to do about it ? He's an orfnl noosance.
Praps he was created for snm wise pur
pose, like the mesles and New England
Rom, bntjt'smity bardtoseeit. At any
rate here, and as I statid to Mr. What Is
It, its a pity he coodent goorfsomewberes
quietly by hisself, whare ho cood ware
red wekits and speckled neckties, and
gratterfy his ambishun in varis intrrestin
wue, without having a eternal fuss kict
np about him.
Praps I'm bearing down too hard upon
Cnffy. Cum to think on to it, I am. He
woodent bo sich an infernal noosance if
the people wonld let him alone. He mite
indeed be interestin. And now I think
of it, why cant the people let him alone?
What's the good of continnerly stirrin
him up with a ten foot pole ? He isn't
the sweetest kind of perfoomery when in
a natral stait.
Eleven Rebellions. Since the or
ganization of the Federal Government,
eleven attempts have been made to resist
its authority. The first was in 1782 a
conspiracy of some of the officers of the
Federal army to consolidate the thirteen
States into one, and confer the supreme
power on Washington. The second in
1787, Shay's insurrection in Massachu
setts. The third in 1794, called tbe
Whiskey Insurrection of Pennsylvania.
The fourth in 1814, by the Hartford Con
vention. The fifth in 1820, on the
qnestion of admitting Missouri into the
Union. The sixth was a collision be
tween the Legislature of Georgia aad the
Federal Government, in regard to tho
lands given to the Creek Indians. The
seventh was in 1830, with the Cherokees
in Georgia, The eighth was the memo
rable nullifying ordinance of South Car
olina, 1832. The ninth was in 1842. in
Rhode Island, between the suffrage asso
ciation and State authorities. Tho tenth
was in 1856, on tbe part ofthe Mormons,
who resisted the Federal authorities.
The eleventh is the present unholy at
tempt at secession.
A Copperhead Rebuked. The Harris-
burg Telegraph relates the following as
occurring at Cbambersburg :
A gentleman informs us that he was
present at an interview between Gen.
Jenkins and some prominent Republicans
at Cbambersburg. After discussing mat
ters connected with the war for some
time, a prominent officeholder in Frank
lin Connty stepped np and introduced
himself to the rebel General. Jenkins
aid that be ought to refuse shaking him
by the" hand. The officeholder desired to
know the reason of such treatment. Gen.
Jenkins asked tbe question,- " are von
tbe District Attorney for this Connty?"
" Yes," was tbe reply. " Then yon are
a regular Copperhead." "That ia what
they call me," replied the officeholder.
To which the rebel General replied,
" Lincoln ought to have hung yon and
the rest of tbe Gopperheads. long ago.
We wonld not tolerate any such men in
the Southern Confederacy. We respect
those who are against as in the North
ranch more than the Copperhead."
Vermont Strategy
Private Joel Swipes, of a hard work
ing, rongh-sinewed regiment of Vermont
volunteers, was a good shot and a smart
soldier. He found great satisfaction in
pictcet duty, ana naraiy came in after a
day's exercise in that branch of military
service without having a report for his
superior officer of some new work dis
covered, some cirenmstance perceived,
that might be of nse in gaining an ad
vantage over the enemy.
Joel was a long, lank, yellow-haired
fellow, not very soldierly in speech or
bearing. Ho was frightfully sunburned,
and his face, coarse and demnre, suggest
ed good humor and power of endurance,
more than courage or discipline. Bnt
there was a twinkle about his small grey
eyes which enlivened them, despite their
scanty and characterless white lashes,
and impressed the closer observer with
a wholesome respect for his conrage and
intelligence. His naial voice and drawl,
his round shoulders and flat build, conld
not shake this respect if one kept those
clear, cool, far-seeing eyes in sight, and
Joel's comerades prophesied that he had
only to behave himself, and keep his own
way, to gain a pair of epaulets some fine
day.
He openly declared that manual labor
on the earthworks was distasteful to him;
and his officers, knowing his value on
picket dnty, evinced enough consider
ation for him, to keep him at that service.
lbe position tbat be liked best was
the 6lope of a hill, opposite a similar
slope occupied by a sentinel of the Con
federates. This last was quite a high
bit of ground, whence one might see a
great deal that was going on about tha
batteries further down. Jool believed
that the sentinel there stationed learned
more than was good for oar side. He
accordingly harassed and annoyed every
one tbat showed his head on the hill
side. They learned their lesson and act
ed npon it.
Joel sauntered down his path one fine
afernoon, heard a sharp report, and felt
the wind of a rifle ball that came wonder
fully near his head. Taming qnickly,
he saw the smoke floating up from a little
pile of fresh earth on the hill opposite.
The enemy had dug a pit, wherein the
sentinel sat at ease, and exposed his head
and arms only when he fired. Private
Swipes hastened with praiseworthy pru
dence to got out of sight among the ce
dars, and watched for some time before
fixing the location of his foeman agsin.
Finally discovering the fresh earth once
more, and imagining he saw a hat above
it, ho took a shot in the direction. Up
pegged a tall sentinel, baroheaded, and
returned tha fire instantly. He had been
trying the old trick of putting his hat on
a ramrod.
"That will never dew," soliloquized
Joel. "Tbat cuss ban got tew good a
berth ovor yonder. I'll just have ter
rouse him out."
Tho other sentinel's death was in soma
sort signed from tbat moment. The crafty
Vermonter's brain was at work on the
problem of dislodging bis antagonist;
but it was presumable that he could sea
the batteries ia process of construction,
without exposing himself, for the earth
taken from tbe pit was piled upon the
side toward Joel.
From a thicket at the foot of the hill,
however, a shot could be got lengthwise
of the trench, and behind the trifling
breastwork. To gain tho thicket, then,
without being too visible on the barren
slope, was Jool's task.
The next day private Swipes took with
him a long pioce of stont twine and a re
volver, when he went ont on picket doty.'
It was not yet daylight, bnt the gray
and indistinct light of dawn had begun
to plo in the east.
The sentinel, as soon as the guard
passed along, hastened to drive a smooth
stake in the ground, and to rest hie
musket over a fork in a cedar tree ia
front of the stake, the muzzle of the
weapon pointing in the direction of tha
pit on the other slope.
He then cocked the piece, fastened one
end of his cord to tbe trigger, and be
gan stealthily crawling down tbe hill on
bis hsndf and knees, paying out tbe Una
as he went.
It was a hazardous experiment, for
the thicket, when he gained it, was very
sparse, and so near to the point tbat tbe
Confederate sentry, had he inspected
Joel's presence there, could have hardly
failed to hit him.
Lying down, however, tbe Vermonter,
then, awaited sunrise; and as the shadows
faded away in tbe mist of morning, be
saw tbe Iient gleam upon a bayonet
peering from the trench on the hill side.
"Now for to make him show hie pic
tur 1" said Joel to himself.
He pulled the string carefully at first,
till it was drawn tight, and then a slight
extra tug fired the mnsket from the cedar
above. He had not calculated wrongly.
As soon as the rifleman in tbe pit beard
this national salute from the enemy op
posite, as ha supposed, he raised himself
np to return the fire, and brought his head
and shoulders plainly into sight.
The next instant he went heela over'
bead into tbe trench again, with a ballet
from the unerring Colt straight through
the side of his besd.
"The darned fool!" said Private
Swipes, "didn't know a fellow alight
shoot off a gnn without baring 'bold "of
it I"
The Confederate pickets deeidtjrTtaera-
alter tbat this position was too ex
to be profitably occupied.
SO,
Old Grimes is dead, tkat good old asa.
te
I
s
4
.l-i-.I-S.".".