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t?v M ft-a-','U. y?- UPVMMnHMntai te"!S. r-wjyinw ,l!?'lSS!3y?'PWf B' "" zT wM. a ' ' r j ' yaj- --p-PWW MIP .efr-r .. - -J SV.CMI - '-- fe..i -rr I " T07i .Vctv ; T ' i r ijp-i j? - - - r .1 ' , - SOL. MILLER, EDITOR AND PUBLISHER. THE CONSTITUTION AND THE UNION. TE1MS $. PER ARMM, If IBTlffCl. VftT.TTMl?. Y NTT HIRER AO I WHITE CLOUD, KANSAS, THURSDAY, APRIL 18,1867. . WHOLE NUMBER, 51$ I ujULiiiiu ji.1 iiuuiuuii "iwi $ -.'- - . -. "' - - .tift3 t 3'S " " - r 'j '!" w , Witt (ttoni) lansas HiMl tnaaTtTtaaenan. i 1 iWBB1iB1IIM.-J.. .. KrfjT ? fi' : . n " i f t - fri4 .1 , iorfrg. THE CABLE SOKO. " st iohk - mtrrniL O, Itmf l Bay -f Trinitf, O, drear Wi, five ir! 14 M dow Ibio tli wbit-Iippd ttf Tb toic of God u httrt Ynrn world to world HU tooritn flj, Tboi(btwiBd and shod with fin; Tb iBgtl or ilia tormj ikj . Ridta down tb tookea wire. What laitatbe herald ortbe Lord MTb world' lone tinfe ! done; Cloco wedded br that oijshe cord, 111 ceniintnti are one.' And eoe Is heart as one in blood Eball all her people be; The beads of hernia brotherhood At claiped beneath the sea, TbroBh Orient sett, o'er A Trie's plata. And Asian woaatains borne. The Tijor of the northern brain I? hall nerre the world out wore. From clime to clime, from shore to ihorr, Shall thrill the mi-Ic thread; The new Promethees steals once more The fire that wakes the dead." Tbrob on, strong poise of tbonder! beat From aaswtrin beach to Leach; Fate nations in thy aiadl heat, And melt the chains of each! WiU terror of the skjr store. Glide tamed and demb below! Bearrntlj, Ocean's earner dorr, Thj errands to and fro. Wear on, swift shnttle of the Lord, Beneath the deep so fir. The bridal robe of esrtb's accord The faneral shrood of war. For lo! the fallofocesn wall, r?pace mocked and time oatran; And roand the world, the thought ofall h as the thooflit of one. The pot's unite, the zones arret. The too-net of stririo ceaie; As on the sea of Galilee, The Christ is w!.iiprio, Peace! THE BBAYE BAYS OF OLD. 'For Romans, Ip Romt qaarret, Spared neither land nor sold. Nor son nor wife, nor limb nor life, In the Lrare day of old. Then none was for a prty; Tkn alt vtrefor the Stxtt; Then the crest man hvlpvd the ponrt And the poor mm lored lbs great; Then lands were fairly portioned; Then spoils were fairly sotJ; The Romans were like brothers, In the brave days of oM kkd il A CLEAR CASE OF LITCK. "A. good many (lingular things hap pened during tue war." gaiil John, as lie lighted hisaller-dinner cigar ; "bntsocno how, I contider my own caso abont the funniest thing of all. "Ah!" aid I; "how so!" "Did it ever occnr to yon that it was little od J that in so short a time I should bare got to be a partner in the fircj, and married man. and all that sort of things V "O I yon speculated." "Not a bit of it ; or rather. I did, and I didn't ; for yon know I detest specula tion. I've even made old Mitraille swear off." "So far, it's all very clear; hut if yon havi secured French wife, and a rich one, I could understand a little plain Enelish." Before I went to the war, John Devel- io and I bad been fellow-clerks in the banking house of Mitraille & Co., in New York. A slight lameness prevented John from going into the army; and an ntter bienco of capital prevented him from proposing for the band of the pretty Lucille, though I always believed that he bid mora to fear from ber groff old papa than the young lady herself. Poor "as be wag, and on a moderate salary, when I returned at the end of the war a good deal lamer than ever John was before it I fonnd my cbutn in the fall enjoyment ofall bis heart had longed for, and with a brown stone front to en joy it in.- So when he volunteered some thing which promised to explain the mys tery, mj cariosity 'res on fire in a mo ment. John jtw a right good fellow, and I did not envy him a particle ; bat I most say I was ccrioas about it. Yon know a good deal what I was af ter, when yon went away: and my chfbce of getting it then seemed abont as far off at the Presidency. It was a clear case of Inck, I, tell yon, and very little more. Old Mitraille always liked me pretty well. thoogb'I was hardly the man he would have chosen for a son-in-law; and I kept bis private, yon know. Yon know all abont that unbounded gold speculation in 1862 cad 1863; well, he bad somehow got into it, steady, old, hard-headed banker as he is.- Almost everybody went in more or less. The old man rather missed it ones or twice, and got hit pretty hard, though no one but myself knew anything abont ''' hard, indeed, that I was more than a little alarmed for the result. I got it into my head, abont that time, that I would like to run down to Wash ington, and take a look at the Torts and camps. Somehow, it always galled me a good deal that I could not take y part with the mt, and 1 wanted to ee the thing, anyhow. So I called at the Cjjuice house to see Lucille, and set a short for lough, and I succeeded surprisingly well. That is, I didn't see as much of Lucille as I wanted, bnt the old gentleman gave ma leave of absence readily, and added : ''Suppose something may happen whiles yqn are dare ; ey ? Yoa send me a telegram. Quick !" "Yes," I replied; "hut yon know the War Department don't allow a fellow to send over the wires jost what he wants to." "0. never mind all dat," said Mitraille; "just you sends sometings good or bad, no matter, jnst de word. I understand mighty qnick, ha! ha! Never yon mind de War Department." "And so," continued John, "off I went. wiiimui a very cionr lues oi wnat was expected, or how I was to do it." And now the rest of it sonnds tremen dously like a page from Munchausen, bnt it's all a clear historical fact. Mit raille wrote a letter which got to Wash-! ington about as soon a I did, urging me to Keep my eyes and ears open, promis ing that if I sent him anything of impor tancc, be would go halves with me on the profits. I saw by that, how terribly nervous he was getting, and concluded that affairs must have been worse with him than I knew of. Nevertheless, I be gan to be a trifle excited myself; and though I bad a sort of honor of specula tion, especially of gold gambling, I com menced looking around me pretty sharp ly for items. Among other adventures, I fell in with old Sam Gorham. of Cin cinnati, one of onr correspondents, and a nephew of his, a qneer, awkward spoon of a fellow, and wo went round sight-see ing in company. Nothing would do for either uncle or nephew" but a crntinnnl succession of cocktails, and I had to leave them in th-ir rooms soon after dinner, somevhat the worse for wpnr, while I continued my search for infornration under difficulties. I didn't find out anything in particular, nil tint night nr the next forenoon ; bnt I saw the sights pretty effectually, and nbotit noon I went into my friends' room, to stir thera np. I found the nenhew lolling disconsolately on a chair, and the nP'lc iu bi with a high fever, the natn mi ir-un ui me uny neiore. me liope- lul youth ben the story of Im trihnla tion. by stating that lie had expected hi- annt there that day, bnt ha I received a letter fmra her, saying that sbe hail been delayed, and could not come at once. I asked him what ibe doctor siid of his nnrle. "Oh, the old man's right sick, and I reckon I'd better telegraph to Aunt Sally to come right away." On the plea of a splitting headache, he begged me to send his message, and I thought I would send at the same time to Mitraille fc Co. Well, his telegram, savhig the direction, read : "Don't wait for anything. Uncle Sam !r very sick indeed." While mine was simply : "Nothing stirring. Having good time." Now, how on earth those two litllo af fairs got interchanged, is a mystery to me to this day. Perhaps I did it ; maybe he did it ; perhaps it wag done at the telegraph office; I don't know; bnt twist ed tbey certainly were, and somehow both of them passed the cennrs. When Mitraille opened his, he straight way imagined that something had gone to smash in Washington, and that I had taken a nest way of giving him a hint, and ho ruthed ont and bought all the gold hN credit would cover. He wrote me a letter by that mail, giving on ncconnt of transactions whoe magnitude almost nude my hair turn gray; and while ha thanked me for my hint, he begged me to be sure that my information was .correct. L thought at first that he was crazy and then I got pretty near crzy myself, thinking of tvhat might be the consrqnences of the mistake. The first thing I did this was the next day was to rush into Riggs', and ask the latest gold prices. Guess my delight, when I-found them fairly jn in ping upwards. It was wonder ful ! Still, 1 was terribly nervous, for all sorts of rumors were afloat, and I knew that gold could fall as fast as it could rise. The feeling grew on mo un til, pretty nearly half-demented, I went into the telegraph office at Willard's, and dashed off "It's all a fell, and a big one." Well, (he old gentleman took that jnst as he had the other, and not only sold ont, but went short to the line. It was the luckiest thing in the world, for snre enongh, within forty-eight boars things did go down, heels over head. I began to feel superstitious; there was something very uncanny about it ; and I packed my kit and made 'fast time for New York. I did not attempt any ex planation, bnt I steadily resisted all the old gentleman's entreaties to go on uith it any further. The net figure was a handsome one, I tell you, and there was very little trouble abont making the other arrangements, after my bank account was made up. ;uy nonored latner-in-iaw naa ine nn'i et faith in my jadgment ; bnt I told Lu cille all abont it. What's more. I dont and won't speculate, and won't do busi ness for any firm that does. It' all a clear case of lock, I tell you. John threw the stump of his cigar into the ashes, and I pulled away at mine. wondering if there was any luck in get ting that bit of shell in my ankle. m , A new County recently created in Ala bama, has received the name of "Dixie." CVfW yy mmrmmttim. CUCrJw ir ',o'f'r, THE WAX-VALXaxinS. Com hilbr, m lillU iitk-tjti mtiin; Lock jonr diatpltd hiail fa mtafl, Aed tell at, wilhot radiap. Th what and wbara of joor VaUatiaa. "3Ij lova li a boatiwaiaa mala on tha Strn, A maar-wcf'i.inia boM," stid tb "Heart or oak aal hand of iron O, nt'a the Valeatlat Tor me!" Linen lo me. brart-breakla; flaalelo, Willi yoer wliio rose ia yoar leoeiae hair; Fain woaM I kaow jour lorer'a calling Who It yonr Valentine, wbit aad where! "O, mr trne.IoTe'a nam ! Ciar. Zour Down at the camp with htm joa'U meet Aod whea ha aooaria oa hia bogle bora, A thousand riflemen spring to their feel." Good morrow to joe, mj peBStre girl. With the crow.wiog hair aad violet ejet, Rolij lips and teeth of pearl: Tell me yonr trae.lore'a name and golse. "Sere, mr joong man's aame ia Easaioiro O'BaJia; And wiih hit green feather he looked to fine. When the dramt were beating and the colon firing O! tlearea be good to m Valenlinel" Thus ettr it goet on, the telf-tane'etar?: Lore and War walk hand.ia-haad: For-et.me.nolt on the field of glorj, Under the laurel's shade expand. (From the Toledo Blade.) IVASBY. The Jfesro Vote Mr. Nasby in Imita tion of Wade Hump ton Tries to Con ciliate the African The Result of the Venture: Post Orns, CoxrEDEnrr X Roads, (wich is in the Stait nv Kentucky.) March 23, 1S67. I hev made many sudden and rather 'atrordinary changes in pnlitix some so very Midden that the movement perdnost conjestion uv the conshence. I rekollect wnnst uv advokatin free trade and high protective tariff, all within twelve bonri. (I made a speech in a agricultooral dee strik uv Noo York in the forenoon at 10 A. M., and in- a raannfacturin town in Pennsylvany in the evenin, our platform bein so construktid that both sides cood find a endorsement in it,) and hev per formed many other feats uv moral gvm 'naatiks ; hnt this last change I hev bin called upon to make is probably thesnd-dene-it. List week Toosdy, Deekin Po grani. Captain McPelter and I wuz en gaged in riddin the Corners uv niggers. We hed endoored em ez longez we thot possible, and determined on standin it no longer, belectin three wich we wuz sat isfied hed too ranch spelliu-book into em to be enslaved agin, we wuz preparin notises to be served onto em, orderin em to leave in twenty-four hours, when I re seeved in the northern mail a letter mark ed "Free Alex. W. Itandell. P. M. G I knowJ it wnz offishel to-wunst that blessid signatoor is on my commisshnn, and I've contemplatid it too often to be mistaken in it. Its contents wuz brief, and rnn thus: "To all Postmasters in the Southern States : The nipgera her votes cousiliashen is our beat holt. See to it." This breef, tho not hard to be under stood order, wnz sealed with the offishel real uv the Post Offis Department stampt into putty instid nv wax, to-wit : a loaf nv bread, under a roll uv batter, with ten hands a grabbin at it. I comprehended tho situation at site, and set abont doin my dooty with both Roman and Spartan firmness. "Deekin," sez I, tearin up the notices, "these n'ggers we hev misunder stood. They are not a inferior race they are not descendants' nv Ham and Higer it wuzn't Panl's ijee in sendin back Onesiracs to condemn him to serv itood we hev misunderstood the situa tion, and mnst make amends. The nig ger is devoid uv smell, and is trooly a msn and a brother !" "Wat?" sed the Deekin, tippin back in amazements "Jest wat I say," sez I, "read that," and I flung him the letter. The upshot uv the conference wich loi tered wuz the callin uv a meetin the next nite, at wich all the Ethiopians nv the Corners wnz invited and urged to be pres ent. . The trouble wuz to git the niggers to attend the meetin. The fnst one I spoke to lafft in my face, and aakt me how long it wnz sence I bed helpt hang a couple uv nigger, by way uv finisbin off a cele brasben. Pollock, the Illinoy 'store keeper, got hold nv it, and told Joe Big ler, and Joe swore that ef the niggers bedn't any more sense than we give em credit" for, in sposio we cood bamboozle em so cheep, he shood go back to the old beleef, to-wit : That tbey wnz only a sooperior race nv monkeys, after all ; and by nite every nisger in the visinity wuz postid thoroughly, and ont uv all uv era I cood only git four who would promise to attend, and them the Deekin hed to pay 82 apiece to. To give it eclaw, I promised one uv em 85 (to be paid at the close uv the meetin) to sit on the stand with me. wich, bein a very poor man, and hevin a sick wife in a ahanty near by, who wnz snfferin for medicine, (wich he coodeat git without money,) be accepted. At this pint an ijee struck me. I re membered Philadelfy, and determined to hev a scene rival in the Couch and Orr biz n is. "Another thing, Cof, under stand that it's a part nr the bargain that when in my speech I turn to yoo aad stomp, yoo must rise- and embrace se." "Wat r" ex he. "Fall into my arms, lotioilike yon understand jut ex tno we wei long lost brothers I" : "'Sense me 1" seil be. "I'ia a mity low nigger, aad wants to hny de old wo man soma qninine, and wood .do asos' any ting foah dat, bnt, golly, dat's too much 1" "Not a cent," sed I, sternly aasoomin my most piercinest gaze, "onlesa this is included !" "Well," returned he, sulkily, "efl T l T . a. . is tf must, x apecK i must, out, gunj The nite arrived, and the meetia-honsa wnz full. We tbot fust nv holdin it in me cnarei nv tne uotiege, ont give no the ijee z impracticable, er, owin to the dillytormts nv onr Northern friends in forwardin sicb snbscripsbens ez they hev raised, we beven't got no further with the bildin tban laym the corner-stun. In the front wuz the four niggers, all in clean shirts, and on the stand woe the nigger I hed engaged. Over the platform, wuz the follerin mottoes : "In Yoonion tber is strength ForPresident in 1868, Fernando Wood. For Vice President, Fredrick Duglis." "In the nigger, strength In the Canscas shen, beauty In the mnlatter, who is trooly the noblest uy the human species both." In addishen to these, we dugnp all the old mottoes wich Jefferson writ, abont yooniversel liberty and sicb, wich bedn't bin quoted in Kentucky for twenty years. ana poena em up ; in brief, bed Wen dell Phillips' blessid spent bin a boverin over that meetiu-hoose, it wood hey smiled approvinly. I spoke to em elokently on the yooni versel brothorhood uv mankind, holdin that watever else cood be sed, Adam wnz the fathor nr all mankind, and that the only difference between a white man and nigger wnz, the nigger wnz sun burnt. The nigger, I remarkt, wnz. undoubHd y. origenally white, bat hevin bin, sence his arrival in this country, addicted to agricultooral ptrsoots, he bed become tinned to a degree wich. tho it marred his physikle beauty, did not interfere with his sterlin goodnis nv heart. Ther hed bin differences between the races at times tber bed bin onplessantnises wicb poone regrettid ui3ri:l.-PVane ,Wi nv tne'Corners hed not alios bin ez con sidrit ez I cood hev wished. They hed flogd sever.il uv em, nnd hung many more, and in times past hed held em in slavery and sich, but that shood not be thot uv at this happy time. It wuz con stooshnel to do these things then, and Kentucky wnz eminent'y a law-ahidin State. "Here," sez I, "on this platform, with the flag nv our common country over me, I declare eternal friendship to me colored man, and to seel the declare shen I thos embrace " The obstinit nigger didn't stir a step. "Come op and fling yoor arms aronnd me. yoo blsck cuss," sed I, in a stage whisper. "Come up 1" "No yoo dont, boss 1" sed Ihe nigger, in a loud voice, wich was andible all over the cburch, and holdin out his hand. "I can't trust yoo a brossid minit. "Gib me de 85 fnst. Yoo owe dis chile foah dollars now fo sawin wood fo yoah post offis, and ef we's a gwine to hab our rites, de fas yoose I she! pnt mine to will be gittin dat money. Pay np, fqs, and de 'brace afterward. I can't do aich a dis greeable ting widont de cash in advance." This rather destroyed the effect. The unities wuzn't preserved. The niggers in front bust out in a tortaring laff, and Pollock and Bigler rolld in convulsions uv laffture, in wich half uv our Deonle jined. Me a stsadin pertrified, in the attitood ur embracin, and that cussed nigger standin with his band extended for ibe money, with the Deekin and Bas com horror struck jist behind, formed a tabloo ttich woz more strikin tban pleas ant. The meetin wnz to-wunst adjourned, for it wuz evident to the 'dullest compre bensben that nothin more coodent be done that nite. Ez yoonal, I failed for want uv capital. Hed I bin possessed nr the paltry sum or five dollars, how different wood hev bin the result ! Perchance we may, thro that defishency, idso Kentucky. It most never occur agin my salery must be raised. I can't make brix without straw. Joe Bigler met me next morning and remarkt that be regrettid the occurrence. ez be ardently desired to see the two races a pullin together. "The fault, Perfeseer," sed he, "wuz in not managin properly. The next, time yoo want a 'spectabfe nig ger to sit on the platform with yoo and t no xieeam, or kiss or eeantitee yoo git him drnnk. He'll do it then, probably I know be will. Ef he's drunk enuff. he'll hurrah for Johnson, and it's possi ble to git em down to the pint nr votin with yoo. Lord 1 how whiskey drags a man down. Sea wat it's brot yoo to !" and the insultin wretch rolled off. laffin boisterously. "Git em drnnk, Perfesser," be yelled at me ez long ez he cood see ma. We don't intend to give it np. Big let's advice won given in jest, but, never theless, I sbel act upon it. Whiskey is wat brings white aaea to ns, ami ef a white man kin be thus capebered. why not a ngger ? The Afrikin hean't got rs far lo fall to git down to onr level, and it'll take less to bring hint. Bascora ordered five barrels to day, wich I spose tbe Administrashen will pay for. We hev ye$ the Noo York Custom Hour, and more nr tbe perkisits ranst be rooted for politikle purposes. PrrBoutna V. Nasbt. P. &L. (Wich is Postmaster), aad likewise Pro fessor nr iJiblikie foliticks in the Sutbera Ckiaikh 4 Military IkuUteot. IsefitLanfc Mmm; Veal Pot Pie. Oat ud some veal. wash and season it with pepper and salt; i:-. tt.. :j -r . ?.t. . tiuo mo oiuca ui jour pot wiiii paste, put in the veal with some pieces of paste rolled out and cnt in squares, cut up some butter rolled in flour and add to it, pour in as much" water as will cover it, and lay a sheet of Daste on tbe top, leaving an opening in the centre; put tbe lid on the pot and put it over a moderate fire. let it cook slowly till the meit is done; place the soft crust oa a dish, then put the meat over it, and on the top lay the hard crust, with tbe brown side up. Serve the gravy in a boat. To have the crust of a pot pie brown at the top, put it on a tew coals before the hre, nnd turn it frequently. Carbot Podding No. 1. One pound of carrots grated, the apertures of the grater being one-eighth of an inch, oth erwise the flesh will not pass through. To this ponnd of carrots add one pound of wheat flour, one pound of suet, and one pound of currants. Mix together, and boil the same as plum puddinir. When brought to tbe table, a little but ter-sauce is necessary, bnt no sweetening is rrquirea. Carrol Pudding No. 2. To one pound of grated carrots add a pound of flour, a quarter of a pound of suet and two oun ces of currants; mix, and boil like plum pudding. With a little sauce, this makes a cheap and palatable pudding. Giblet Pie. Wash clean yonr gib lets, put them in a stew pan, season with pepper,. salt and a little butter roll ed in flour; cover with water, -stew till very tender. Line the sides of Your pie dsh with paste, put in tbe giblets, and li the gravy is not quite thick enough, add a little more butter rolled in flour. Let it boil once, pour in the gravy, put on the top crust, leaving an opening in the centre of it in lbs form of a square; ornament this with leaves of the paste. Set the pie in tho oven, and when tbe t-1 ik la iroob tak'b's'i. to'tletable?"" Beep Stewed with Onions. Cut some tender beef in small pieces, and season it with pepper and salt, slice some onions and add to it, with water enough in the stew-pan to make a gravy; let it fctew slowly till the beef is thorouffhlv done, then add some pieces of bntter roll ed in flour to make a rich gravy. Celd Deal may be done in this way, only the onions mnst be stewed first and tbe meat added. If tbe water should stew too much, put in a little. away Baked Affle Dumplings. One teacnp of lard, one and a half of water, little salt for crust; eight tart apples, pared. qnartered and cored; roll the crust and cut in circular pieces, and pnt in four quarters. Wet the edge of the dough and close np tightly. Bake in a slow oven to a nice brown. These mar be served with cream and sngar; syrup, or a sweetened sance, are excellent. To Boil a Goose. After it is well dressed, singe it thoroughly; have ready a dressing prepared of bread crumbs, sea soned with salt and butter, with tbe ad dition of two finely chopped onions, and a little sage. Fill the body and close it firmly; pnt in cold water, and boil gent ly till tender. If the goose is a young one, an honr will be sufficient time. Crtstalizino Glass. To one quart of water add one ponnd of alum; boil till all tbe alum is dissolved; add a little indigo, and then pour it into a flat dish and place the glass in it. Let it stand till tbe crystals are formed, which will take about twenty-four hours. Peach stones, cinders, heads of wheat, oats, etc., may be thus crystalized. Mint Sauce. Choose some yonng mint, pick and wash it; chop it very fine, and pour on enough vinegar to wet it. To every gill of vinegar allow two gills of brown sugar. The sugar should be dissolved in tbe vinegar, then poured on the mint Tapioca Jelly. Take a quarter of a pound of tapioca, swell it thoronghly in a pint of water, then add a glass of wine, with sugar to the taste. Tapioca, simp ly swelled iu milk and eaten with a sance, is light and nutritious food. Vegetable Otstehs. Slice and boil in water, about twenty minuter, or till tender; add salt, pepper, butter; and af ter this has boiled a little, just before serving, add cream or rich milk. Linen rags should be carefully saved, for tbey are extremely useful in sickness. If tbey have become dirty and worn by cleaning silver, etc., wash thera and scrape them into lint. Mcmsa. One pint of milk, three eggs, one cupful of yeast, flour enough to make it as tnick as fritters, 'lo be raised over night, if for breakfast. Bbeaktast Dish. Beat one egg, add a teaspoooful of salt, pour in two-thirds pint of water, slice some,bread, dip it in, and fry in a little bntter. Nahkeev Dtc. Boil equal parti of annatto and common potash in water until dissolved. This will produce the psle reddish buff so ranch admired. Trsstabest Pars. Wet fine paper on both sides with a eolation made of resin and spirits of wine. It should be done with a feather. Cfjc Jim of Cfeiitflf, "THE OBSAT VSXSQVfX." ivrruas to ritb aaiM ntrrn ar w. a. lawaas. Who it the State Department spj, S rerr leea efearaad eye. Who lrare U Etuope oa the iljl McCraciea. Who helped me lo rof smokier, ost. Aad prored himself a ready lost, la hriagiof dirt thinaa about! MeCrackea. Whea office-seekers howled for (cod, Aod waoted Miaisterial blood. Who fare mo meaas to qaiet tha brood? MeCrackea. Who wrote like aa illiterate fool. From tome Coafed'rate cross road school Aad jet maje mo hit reajr tool! McCrukea. Who broa-ht down Motley with his quill, Aad ataadered him wi'th jast Ihe skill. Which senred the Stat, Drpartmeat well? r MeCrackea. Who ceased the tranileot blath of shame, (Which pasted away like meteor flame,) Whea Samaer showed the world my jarae? AtcCrackea. Who broa-ht my Marphy to his kaeet, Aod set him rotlinr, with snch ease. To show hia wiliiofaess to pleese? MeCrackea. Who earned McNtth to bow to low, Lest I shoald strike the fatal blow, Aad Andy giro him leare to (of MeCrackea. Who made oar Uploa criage aad ereep, As if hit crime was atealiag sheep, Fo that his place he still might keept MeCrackea. Who made all Europe laagh aad aqoat, Aad rilled iu courts with mirthful root, .- Which alt iu priaU discoursed about! MeCrackea. Who set this Coogresa on my track. And piled ill Jacobias oa my back, Aad waked iu dead dackc" ap to qeackf MeCrackea. Who do "'' a! aa'er been bora, To ba; on me this general scorn, A3 make my office so forlornl ' MeCrackea. "Have yon any lubricating drops for a bronchial dehciency, said Mrs. Part ington to Dr. Withingtou, at the corner. "Is the cold deep seated ?" said the Doc tor, blandly. "I don't know how deep it i," she saiJ, with a bark like an Es quimaux dog, "but it is loud enough. What a time for colds this is, to bo 6ure ; I declare I am completely exaggerated with my congh." "Yoa need an expec torant." said the Doctor." "I expect so," replied she; "but whether it will do any good or not, must depend upon how it infects me; bnt I will take a box of atro cious lozengera, any bow, which I have beard spoken of as melifluous." Ike spent his time in playing with the dumb bells, and tbe old lady asked the Doctor to excuse the liberty he took, because the boy was so given to jimelastics. Some time ago a planter, a abort dis tance from Memphis, gave a party to the young folks in his neighborhood. It was a gay time, and in tbe coarse of the even ing the boys and girls played forfeits. While this was going on, it chanced that the son of the planter, a nice, modest fel low, bad to claim a forfeit of some of the girls, bnt he was overcome with diffidence. "Go ahead, John," said tbe planter, "and kiss some of tbe girls." John hitched from one foot to the other, blushed,- and finally blurted ont : "I I never kissed a white girl, fa- tne." The laughter that ensued may be im agined. A man had received a large lot of lob sters, fresh and lively, when a boy stood looking at the critters, accompanied by his dog. "Suppose you put your dog's tail between tbe lobster a claws 7 said tbe man. "Agreed," said tbe boy. Tbe peg was extracted from tbe claws, and tbe dog's tail inserted. Away went tbe dog off borne, howling at the squeeze his tail got from the lobster. "Whistle your dog back, yon young scamp," said the man. "Whistle yoor lobster back," cried tbe boy, and absquatulated. The boy made a lobster supper that night. Various instances have been cited to prove bow lazy a man can be and live, but it remains for a Michigander to cap the climax. One hot day dnring the heated terra last summer, he was observ ed to throw himself down on tbe grass under the spreading branches of a shade tree, and exclaim emphatically to himself: "There! breathe if yoa want to I shan't!" A bright-eyed, three-year-old boy said to his mother, tbe other day : "Mamma, isnt Heaven a beautiful place?" Dotiur Mother "Yoa don't know anything abont that place, ray son." Bright-eyed Boy "Ob, yes, I, do. Wasn't I there, raarama, when I was being made f An Irish dragoon officer, oa hearing that hia widowed mother bad married siner ba quitted Inland, exclaimed : "Mnrtber 1 I bona aha won't hare a son older than rae ; if aha doer, I shall lose the estate." Cootxdrcx. Wa beard a good one, tha other night, at the Theatre. "Why are the United States like a broken chain V Answer "Because they need another link oa," (Liaeoln.) $ax ie imuK, Plan Hug Treca, in Capt. Andarson, of 'Cincinnati.,.! cently submitted to the Horticultural Society of that city, the following rs- ;ort on planting trees, via: Tbe best time to transplant decidaoaa trees, is as soon in the fall aa tbe leaves begin v, drop, or cease to work. Pro tect the roots from the action of tho storm and winds. Tha ends of the bro ken roots should be made as smooth Hm possible, as a smooth cut will heal over, while a rough one is verr ant to daen. In pruning the branches of trees, tha cuts should be made clean and smooth. In moving trees, it is best to cut back the leaders and top branches; the lower branches should only be cut when neces sary to give shape to tbe trees. Severe" pruning does not kill trees, while, they often die from want of pruning. Under draining and subsoiling are very benefi cial in preparing boles for tree. Tho' soil aronnd newly planted trees, at least as far oat as the roots extend, abonld bo worked well every month or two during tbe growing season, and in the fall ba well mnlched with long, green manure! It was suggested by Mr. Martin that' the mnlching should not be close round' the tree, as it becomes a harbor for mice, which gnaw the bark during the' winter. DE8TR0Y1X0 DESTRUCTIVE rVSEOTS. Dr. Martin called attention to the rem edy discovered by Mr. Best, of Dayton, which is claimed to be perfectly sura to kill tho worms that are so destructive to peach trees, and the enrculio and other insects that destroy plums and other fruit. Dr. Green stated that Mr. Best showed the best plums that were brought to the city, and he believed there was virtue ia his remedy, which is kept a secret. Any one, however, can procure a receipt from him (Dr. Green), by simply signing a declaration that be will not tell it, and will pay Mr. Best 85, provided it accom plishes what is promised. It is a strong alkaline remedy, and will not injure tha trees or tbe fruit. Plaktiso Stbawbebries. Plant ia tbe spring and plant early, is my advice with strawberries. Strawberry plants, unlike most others, may be set with more or less success all through the summer; but I would never plant them in large quantities except for special reasons at any other time tban in early spring. Planted at that season, they are, to my mind, tbe easiest of all plants to make live and grow;:antT planting strawberries is one of the simp lest of all planting operations. Some people plant at mid -en barer," and meet with success. Soma plant ia, tbo fill, and succeed; but many, wlio plant at either of these seasons, meat with failure or only partial suceeeer'whira those cases which do succeed, bsDDese more by accident by catching a prona tions time, or by labor and Care' in' wa tering, shading, kc, as to make it cost ly; while if done in early spring, there ia scarcely a chance of failure, and the very '" minimum oi taoor ana expense. Tbe strawberry is a hardy, almost aar Alpine plant, and its roots and leaves are excited into growth at a low tempe rature and quite early in tbe spring it commences to push out new fibres froaV its main roots. The best of all periods for its removal is, in my opinion, imme diately preceding this action of roots: then, if all the roots are taken up and properly planted, yon lose little or noth ing in tbe removal, and ertry week'a d- lay detracts something from tha fatqra., growth and strength of tha plant ot ita progeny. Nevertheless the strawberry ia more tractable tban almost any other i plant in cultivation; but wheo'it It Mr. easy to plant iu the spring as any" other , season, always give it tho preerne. Rural World. To' Westers Editors. Keep it ba- fore tbe people, that to plant the common Black Locust is to reap certain' disap pointment. Hundreds of acres have beea ' torn up by the roots ia Illinois", dariag the last five years, because the borer had - reduced their handsome tops to unsight ly stumps. Those planted in" tbe early settlement of Kansas Ira' universally ' sharing tbe same fate. The seed is eaai- : !y gathered, they grow rapidly, raaka i oeaniuui cop, are neaHnial in their ell- j matic influences, and are every other war desirable; but it is absolutely certain l that they will fail after growing a fear yesrs on tbe prairies. WesUra am -' know this, but new immigrant froaa that . East do not. The Honey Locust which crows ia tkav forests of all tbe West, aad la araaaaf-' itb long woody thorn, has. ae) Car' aa' -"? tested, proven safe for opea caltivatioeu ' tint it u believed that tha Osaga Or ange is our best tree for wind braaka around dwelling, stock yards or orck- run. it trrowa certainly and ranidlr. will attain a height of twenty to fortr ' feet if not trimmed, aad a belt twenty feet in width will, with its iannataraWa and matted branches, fores a screen sec ond ia raloa only to evergreens, whik it can be growa ia much less time end at (ar Jess expense. .& Tomatoes abd Boas .JDirnier fa the'lTew England faraiaHrraBhat i wbea tomatoes art growiag-'aaae aac ap' pie tree, tbe soiers wul aot trenwe laa- trse. He plants tomatoes by tha to prsvsat tbesa. 1 J! v 1