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Squatter sovereign. [volume] (Atchison, Kan. Terr.) 1855-1858, November 06, 1855, Image 1

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EDITORS
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The Squatter Sovereign,
IS PUBLISHED EVERY. TUESDAY
MOttNING BY
J. H.
STBISCFELLOW Ct B. ...'
Publication Ofjicein Saualler Sotertign
, Buil4ing JVV3. Jickison Street.
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tinued. -4V
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CALIFORNY VIDDER.
BT GASrtPE BLOWER.
Bevare of "Vidders." Samive. ,Veer.
A lady fair with golden hair, .'.
And eyes aa bright as stars,
Vith pensive air, sat in a chair, ,
Within the railroad cars. , '
On her l?p, sucking pap,
Reclining was a baby, - ;
"Who might have been about sixteen
Months old may be. ' ' - '"! ';:'
The baby crid, and then she siphed,
And wished it's I'a wea home,
An old Pnt nar, asked her the year
' In which it's Pa. had mizzled.
She raised her eyes, aad then she cries,
In sentimental tone ; , .
4Three lou? years, I've passed in tears,'
t Since Villiaia is been gone.' . ' '
The rent, says he, "How can it be ?, :
Your baby's, hut a chit I"
'What's that to me, dear sir?", says the,
, ;"Mv husband's oCten Writ." ' . .
" 'TIS ALIi ONE TO MB. s
i Oh, 'tis all one to me, all one, l ' " l
Whether I've money or whether Pve none. ' :
He who has money can buy a wife, '
Aim! he who has none can be free Lor life.
Ha who has cianey can eat oyster meat,' v '
And he wholes nun the shells can eat.. . ;-
He who has money can trade if he choose,"
And he who has none, his nothing to lose.
.; . ''.ii- r
1 .lie who has money can squint at the fair,
; And be who has none escapes much care.
.' He .who has money can go to the play,'
And he who has none, at home can stay.
:'-.. : '.' . . .
He who has money can travel about, ' '
AnJ he who has none caa" go without. ; . "
lie who ha,s money can be coarse as he will,
And he who has none can ba coarser still. -
He who has money the cash must pay, '
And he who has none says "charge it pray.'
'lie who has m ney must die one; day, 1 . '
(And he ho has none must go the same way.
, Oh, 'tis all one to me, all one,
Whether I've money, or - whether I've none. . '
;HASTY WORDS. . ,
Full oft a -word that lightly leaves the to'ngue, '
Another's breast unconsciously has wrnng; 4 t
: And were the wound but present to the eye,
We'd mount the, pain that solace might defy, .
Was it a taunt; perhaps a'thpngh tless jest ? ;
An idle ripple' on the vacant breast i j"; I -
But, thy shafts may yild a venomed death, ,
What heed, to speed th?ra, but a little breath. 11 '
We toy with hearts, as if the thousand chords
f ' That vibrate to the t juch of hasT words,
d . f Jar out discords all the li v e-long day,
or any tension cause thara t give way. ' ' "
Oh, strike them gently everv fcnmaa breast '
v V crctIoad of grief opVm '
- U ?rbear to add a note of timeless 'woe,- -
add' aiotf f tiwdesswoe -i-
occxxocoxxxcc coocxxoo
TAKING ADVICE; ' -Or,
, First and Second Husband
iBJ OLIVER OPTIC
ill. I
Chapter I
Is.it; going to rain to
day, John Y- asked Mrs. Brace of her Lus
band, one Sunday morningl - -5 ' ' . f ..
"' The skv was cloud yl 4 and the wind was
.t.-. .ikii'act Tint It wrrii 'rTnrr l;iv"
' ' . .. .
iail uiirr.i fail in 1rv limp ..ill . O . ., o
' Idont know; ' my dear,' ! replied Mr,
Brace, with a smile.' ' It loolcs , something
I wish you would tell me, added the
wife. - - , i; -
I would Caroline, if I knew. : i i(
If it is going to rain, I don't , Want to
wear my hest bonnet to church. '
' ! 'We may have rain,' 'and we may not ;
there is not much dependence to he placed
upon the weather at this season, of year,
replied Mr. Brace, quietly, as he fixed bis
eyes upon the Banner which he had been
reading. ' ' '
You never will tell me anything John.
...-I will tell you anything ,know, my
dear. ' ;': --' .1 i:
; WilHtrain? " ' ' ' ' ' fi'yj
r,I don't know,' ' "; J ' ... ;
What do you think?' . ' .
.It is impossible to form an opinion.
The safest way will be for you to wear
your old bonnet.' ' '
, 'It looks like a. fright.
;, 'That is the best advice ! can give you,
my dear.
Why can't you say right out whether
you think it will rain or not?'
'Opinions lightly formed r.anA without
sufficient data, are good for nothing Can
line. The weather js so changeable that
it is r utterly impossible, to -predict with
any certainty what it will, be.
'Just like you !' replied Mrs. Brace, pet
tishly, as she went to the door and glanced
at the sky.
In my opinion, it is not going to rain,
and I shall wear my best bonnet, continu
ed the. lady, and. she proceeded to prepare
herself for church.
By the time phe was ready, the clouds
had been partially wafted away,' and the
sun came out.
Pleasant just as I thought it; would
be,' said Mrs. Brace, as she took her hus
band's arm and walked up the street. '
. Mrs. Brace was one of that large class
of individuals net ladies only, ' but men
and women who do not think, for them
selves. - Practically, she accounted her
own judgment as nothing ; that of her ad
visers as all sufiicent.' '- ' ' j
. She could do nothing without taking ad
vice upon the matter. Even the most triv
ial and insignificant, affair required con
sultation: ' If she was going to have a
new dress or a new bonnet, Mr. Brace
who was totally indifferent upon these mat
ters, and had not a particle of taste jn
dressing ,a lady, was bored for his opin
ion. ;,;! ;
She wanted to know whether she should
have a blue or green dress ; but Brace
who had never devoted any ' attention to
such things, a:u not ot course know what
would become her. , . He had never con
sulted the authorities upon the blending of
colors and complexion, and their adaptation
to the form and size of the individual who
was to wear them, had not even read the
Home Journal - on this subject, and as a
matter of course was entirely incompetent
to give an .opinion. The extent of his
6kill was that he could tell , when a lady
was ,well dressed ; but he could rjot go into
an elaborate criticism of the matter, or an
alyze the whole appearance so us to define
the part and synthetically to reble'nd them
in a , harmonious unit. J ""' "A- - , !
And more than this, he was eonscious
of his infirmity-ladies . would caU it so
some ladies think and talk of dress three
forths of the time :and he obstinately re
fused to give advice upon, a subject; when
he was wholly; incompetent , to dq sol
Mrs. Brace did not like this peculiarity
n his disposition.' ? She' wanted : advice
whether the advisers ' were competent or
not to cive it.. ., iter artruments were tna
M
So-and-so-said so Mrs, ,This
that-knd-the-other had said,, so, and there
fore it must be so.
When the morning 'service was over
the sky was again over-cast and ihe wind
had changed more to the southward. ' She
took her husband's arra and they hasten'
cd towards home ; but they had not accom
plished '' a quarter pan of the distance be
. Aore it began;
neW bonnet was pretty thorouglyv drench- ;
ed.in: l :-;m-u .Ua-h -nit '; j u-
Spoiledsajd sher imp:tfentlji 5; ' " !-rt
It is a very heavy rain,' rephetl Brace
quietly, v. !' ' . ;j
' I wish I had'nt Worn it ; you wouldn't
tell me anything1. ' ; " '
. l could not tell you 'anything!.' :
. , 'Jf .you had only . said, you, thought it
would rain,: I should have worn roy .other
bonhet.:' - ;, - ; ' ... .
H6w could I' say so,' when! didn't think
r 'Yon must hav fhmin-ht snmplhin.
On the contrary, I ; thought nothing.
An opinion on the weather now is good lor
nothing.'. ; :' ' "':i( ' - " :
You are always just so. '
I told you it would be a , -safer way to
wear the old bonnet. -' :! ', ' - .
But it looked so shockingly!'
'There is no help for' it now, my dear.
Let it go.' . i . , ' , ,
'My bonnet is spoiled. : , .
I can afford to buy you another.
O, well,' if you don't care; I needn't,"
replied. Mrs. Brace, as she left the room
to remove her daubbled garments.
She was uneasy and discontented about
it.' She could not fasten the responsibili
ty upon her husband. ; If she could, her
troubles would have been'Lorne with-the
fortitude of a martyr.
She asked advice, and generally follow
ed it ; but if things did not come'out right,
whoever had. had the temerity to advise
her, was held ' responsible- for the. conse
quences. 1 7 l '
'Do you think I had better get another
summer benuet John ? asked she, as she
entered the room where Brace was read
ing his favorite paper. .:.- :
Certainly,' my dear, if you need one."
'But do you think I need one ?
You know best about that.
'I wish you would tell ine.T ,
The season is nearly over? ? ;
Well, I shall not go to church without,'
replid she sourly, as though the argument
of her husband had been conclusive.
Then by all means get one.
Brace was not unreasonable. When
his opinion was asked upon the matter in
which he felt competent to advise, he free
ly gave it. But such scenes as those we
have described were of every day occur
rence, and what he prayed for most was a
little mora energy and self-reliance in his
wife. '"."'. .
Chapter II. But Brace died a few
months after that rainy Sunday.'principal-
Iy because his wife had no one to advise
her to insist upon his taking a dose of med
icine when, he was only slightly ailing.
She had a faint idea that he required it ;
but instead of following out the idea, and
bringing it up to the consistency of an opin
ion, one way or the other, she let it' slip
entirely.1 - !.-.. ;
If there had been any one near to say
Mrs. Bjace, you had better. ' r. .
It would have b$t?n all right; and possi
bly the life of poor Brace might have been
saved. 'Asjt was, the ailment resulted
in bilious fever, which carried him beyond
the reach of any more questions.
He was dead, Mrs. Brace remained a
widow two years, probobly , because she
could, riot delicatefv receive advice in re
gard to sundry offers made her.
Her widow's weeds were discarded, and
Mr. Grove popped the question.
Do you think had better accept , his
offer? asked the window, of a female
friend. , , ' - -
So not yet did the panting Mr. Grove
get an answer. He was a widower, and
rather a desirable personfto one who was
riot sentimental. . In other words he was a
respectable man, and .had plenty of mon
ey, though his age was rjot altogether sat
isfactory, nor his personal beauty wholly
unexceptionable. : '' '' 1-1 ; ; , .
" 'Do you think I had better .have him V
asked the widow Brace of another female
friend.' ' :
" ,'HaveJhim ! ': Why yes! 7 1 should think
you would jump at the chance f replied
tlie conscientious adviser, without pausing
an instant to reflect. . . :- ; ! -
: So tho. widow Brace did have him. and
iumned at the chance. In due time, she
became Mrs. Grove, and having, entirely
shed her,widows weeds, and we. had al
most said,- entirely forgotten, him who had
won her first love, she was a hippy wo
man again- that is as happy as some wo
men ever can be ia ''this wcrld of tribula-
tion and sorrow.
Mr Grove was a nice man---so. gentle
and sa amkble so kind and so affeciion
He never crossed her in anjlhing,went:80.fax that they ccali not lire :togeth-
lent ieTsoa to giveradvic. 3i a fc-."j0
The- secret of this latter nauabirity was
that he1 could almost always 'tell what phe
waniea nun to say, anu hc was aiivays oor
liging enough to say it.. Ife never endan
gered his popularity by gwiog unpleasant
advice, and never hazarded ; the good will
cf the lady by refusing to gve any '
: The very first Sunday alter theif marri
age was cloudy and darkVThe 'wind.blew
strong from the northeast .ajid ,t$ a person
skilled in atmosperic signsi there i was ev
rry-appearancejof a'Vr6leBtitbrm.':'J' i;-n
Do you think It will raid; to-day Mrj
Grove ?' asked the lady, as; she glan
ced uneasily, out of the window.. ; ; .; v
She was to appear at Church that day
as a bride if the weather was suitable if
not on the' following Sabbath.' "Of course
she was anxious to 'appear. The bridal
dress, and , the'Ioyts' of a whitei bonnet,
were to create , a sensation, and it would
have really have been a great disappoint
ment trt be deprived of the pleasure of the
anticipated triumph. . ' ' ' ' e" 1 t , .
Rain'.' replied Mr. Grove. no; it
won't rain to day.' . ;i .
'It looks very dark." ' , - - .
I should not wonder if it rained to-mor-
fThen you think there is no danger ?-
'Not. the least my dear. You may de
pend upon it, there will be no rain, to-day,
replied Mr. Grove, ts he perceived the
anxious face of the bride. '-" ' '
And they , went to church ; but before
they came out the storm had commenced
a regular north-esaster wind blowing' a
gale, and rain cbniing down in torrents.
Fortunately Mr. Grove was the propri
etor of a horse and carryall, and was old
fogyish enough to ride to church,, though
the distanee was less than half a mile.
So the bridal dress and the 'Jove of a white
bonnet, did not get drenched; they were
only, spotted only half spoiled.!-
I thought you said . it would not rain
said Mrs. Grove, a little vexed, when she
was seated in the carryall
I thought it wouldn't; I had no idea of
this,' replied the poor husband, appologeti
cally.
I was afraid of it ; but you said it would
not, added the lady."
I did not thing it would ; but you know
the best of folks a re mistaken sometimes.
As it was only the first Sunday after
their marriage, she did not like to say too
much, and was compelled to make the best
of it.
Ina few months. however, the diffidence
wore away, an,d she had the courage to
say what she thought- not a way to the
entire satisfaction of her amiable husband.
Dont you think I had better have a blue
dress? she asked, one evening the follow
ing spring.
-'By all means, my dear.
' I And she got a blue dress, and .wore it
to church '" :
" 'What dosyou think 'Mrs. Highflier
says about my net dress?' exclaimed Mrs.
Grove, a few days aftpr her first appear
ance in her blue, as she came in from 'ma
king some calls. 1 - J '-
. 4I don't know; what does she say ! Te
plied Mr. Grove, uneasily, for the tones
of lus wife were spirited and indignant." 1
She says that blue- don't become me,
and she wonders that I should be as stupid
as to get a blue dress V answered the Ex
cited lady. : ' ' -ii
Indeed f ' ' A - ':
Yes, and it is all -our'faultf
'My fault, my' dear?" .
Mr. Grove was astonished, and his amia
ble eyes were distended with wronder. f .
- Yes, your fault ! didn't you advise me
to get a blueT ' 1,1 ; -.
' 'Did ir' : - -'-' '"' '-r :.i-
- 'Indeed you did ?" ; . ; . , .,
, Perhaps Mrs. Highflier is mistaken in
her estimation of what becomes you,' mild
ly suggested he. ' v ' ; . "'': "
. Mistaken ! Isn't she the leader of the
fashions? jr..-;"
. This was a poser, and of course he could
say no more,
."All
of this comes of taking your atd-t
continued the poor lady 1' ' '
vice.! continued the poor lady,
But, my dear' ; t ' . ; .uurl
' 'It was not so with my first hushanl.
'Assuredly it was not y hut she neglect
ed to say that her first husband gavel no
hfttpr Baiifac.tinn than hr scorul -f i
Ve can sum up the rest of the story in
a. very few words. Mr. Grove was" so
ready in his weakness to give satisfactory
advice, that he' was nearly all the time in
a stew. . Such scenes as we have narrated
i become, so cornraon , that, their happiness
- rj was utterly , blasted, . and finally .things
T-"-J
had ; learned Jhe duty pf,eiruue
some extent on. the! one hand ; 5 or ifi
had - been prudent in "giving -adrice,' as
Brace was bn the other; they might have
been happj-pwhlcli Is the' moral of our
sketch.;-; j, . ".; f..r,. ;- '"":'"
A' Girl to do Hotisewort. '" ?
liEarly one morning Mr, Jones was' seen
seated c in- his buggy driving a spiriied
hrtrseV in pursuit of. a girl to do housework.
This' war 'Cne'" fourth' 'day of the campaign,
Pand bid "fairr.'to' prove as ' unsuccessful' as
the former j yet he drove on, hoping against
all past experience, when meeting a neigh-
bdr, he reined in his horse.- - ,
'. ' fGood morning, Mr. Mason ; can you
tell me where ! can find a girltoddnouse
work ? My w ife, is sick, and I wish to get
one for a few weeks ; I am willing to pay
Indeed, Mr. Jones' that's a hard ques
tion ; there are gins enougn, to ue sure,
but they .won't do housework. - Neighbor
Hardpan, in the - holla w there, has half a
do2en, but I dpn't suppose you could get
one for love or money. I've tried them
time and again, but they. won't go out."
Thank you," said Mr. Jones; .''there's
nothing like trying."
! He immediately drove to the doer of
Mr Hardpan. . . . . i
.'Good morning, Mrs. Hardpan ; I came
tc s?e if I could get one of your daughters
to do housework for us a few days."
"Oi , dear, man ! Why massy on .us,
Mr. Jones, you've no idea how feeble, my
darters are ; they wouldn't be tough enough
and could not stand it to do -housework a
week. " Anna Maria has got a despret
Uime side, and 1 don't purtend to put her
to doing . anything, she's so feeble ; and
Susan Sophia has a dreadful weak stom
ach she can't ; cat anything unless it is
cooked' just so she, don't even make her
pwn ; bed ; . and, as for Angeline, she's
troubled , with a terrible palpitation of the
heart she can't lift half a pail of water.
"Why 'don't" you get an Irish girl ?"
., Here Mrs. Hardpanpaused for breath,
and Mr. Jones Ibade her a good, morning
and renewed his journey. ;. ,
Just at night he succeeded in getting a
married women, who brought ber baby with
her, to come and do a little baking, and
stay a day or two until he could make a
further trial. '"'."
This, dear reader, is no fancy sketch.
Now let us for a moment look at the'
feebleness of Mrs. Hardpan's lazy daugh
ters." ' ' ' ''.' . . : ' ' "' 1
Anna Maria' is tough enough to live in
a dress . which" compresses her ribs , from
four to six inches," and leaves for both lungs
about as much room as one ought to occupy.
Of course she could not do housework.; ' ;
: Susan Sophja can stand it to dance till
midnight, then read novels till daylight,
sleep till eleven .o'clock in the morning,
eat hot cakes and drink strong coffee for
breakfast, beef soups, butter , gravies,
mince pies and fruit puddings for dinner,
pound cake, lemon tarts, and half a dozen
Cups of green ea for supper. Poor, weak
stomach! ;. , , , ' .
; Amelia' Angeline is n pale, slim, deli- j
cate creature, yet she can stand it with
her breast bone pressed upon her heart by
a tight dress so that itcap hardly beat.
Na w;onder it is at times obliged to make
a terrible effort; to. free itself of its surplus
blood." 'Amelia - Angeline. too, is strong
enough to carry1 six or seven -' pounds of
cotton hatting, and a. small "cat of cloth
abcMit her hips, wears thin shoes and goes
bare-armed in .winter. , What a wonder
that she should Lave palpitation of the
heart! :.' ';- '. ; : ''"'- .
: Now is it any wonder that young ladies
managed in this way are not able and wil
ling to do housework ? Their dress, mari
ner' of living, habits of thinking, all have a
direct tendency to engender and. confirm
disease. Hence spinal complaints', dys
pepsia, heart, disease, consumption, Sic,
are the legitimate results. If tve. would
have our daughters healthy, let us see that
these arid kindred evils' i are corrected.
Let .them Jay aside the straight jacket and
adopt a dress: which, allows ; the free mo
tion of every joint and muscle. and the'full
expansion"1 of ' the- chest ; exchange : their
novels, for histories, biography, poetry, &C;
take at least half an hour exercise" in the
open ' air every ;daydunng'p!easant wea
ther ; jretirV and rn ea sly ; . exchange the
hot cakes ; and coffee, for ccld bread and
pure water ;, eat no rich - dinners and. late
suppers ;" open the U'ma3 and let the sun
light shine in upda thern, if you would net
have theVa. look plants wh'.di grow in
tJie celkty take tie
11 sh cou'ld , lia ve thobgnt; foV ncisel
a'n.-i'CTT.ri i.'i; vr:if;i') ! f" ,-f i
housed iferyfi do, not V-faid pf,s9sui'g
ihcir. haridsjnr. ihey .are much more rtisi- r
It le'arised "ttanheirlrearts : ami know
the heusebld only Ihelps t'ruatce ihe rue
lady. nor will it lower.tlien ia the estima
tion of any man whose respect is wortli sf
curing'"' ''" v' -;l ,
. .Washing, bakiiig and sweeping need
not preveait, your daughters from becoming
expert 5 musicians, ; finished paintejs, pro
found nrathematiciaiis, or good wives. -
i-s Thxe; Tilings. i,
Three tilings that never ."become rusty :
The money of the- benevolent, the shoes on
a' butcher's hotse,' and a fretful tongue.
.., Three things noti easily done : To al
lay thirst withi. fire, ,tO dry the wet with
water, to please ail iu everything that is
done. - ' - .
; j. Three tilings' that are as good as the
best :; Biown . bread iu a , famine,', well-
water iu thirst, and a great coat in winter.
- Three things as good as "their better:
Dirty water to extinguish fire, an ugly
wife to a blind man,' and a wooden sword
to a coward. , ,i .. .
Three thiugs that seldom agree :. Two
cats over dlie mouse, two scoldfng wives
in one house, and two 'lovers of the same
maiden.' ' . .
. Three things , of a short continuance
A 1 I i - V. C. -. 1 L .
-V UUV S 1UC, iX tliJU iiiu. KUa U. liCUOKS
Three things that ought .never to . be
(roin home . The cat, the chiiauey, ' and
the housewife. . ,' J
Three essentials to a falsw storj'.teller
A gojd memory a bold face, ' and fools
ior'an audio nee.
Three tilings ..seen in tlw peafpok: The
garb of . an angel, the walk of a thief, and
the voice tf the devil
Three things that are unwise to 1 oast
of: The flavor of thy .'ale, the beauty. of
thy wife., and the 'contents of , thy purse, ,
- Three iniseries of a man's. house : A
smok)r chimney," a-dripping roof, and n
scolding wife,
8&A Clergyman, who was a stran
ger on exchange ' with the rector, was in
the. vestry, when the clerk took occasion
to say to hiim that he was deaf. ,
: ' And how do you manage, asked the
clergyman, to follow me through the
service.? ' .
" What did you say. sir2
The clergyman repeated . his question
with his lip to the year of the clerk.'
" Oh, oh, said the" clerk, 'I looks up,
and when you shuts your mouth, I opens
mine. ,t , '. . .,
. The clerk made some , slight blunders.
; though, for when the clergyman read,
And the Lord smote Job with sore boils,
the clerk catehipg but a faint impression
of what was said j ' roared 1 out, 'And the
Lord sho: Jpb wilh four balls. ' ' t .
.To those who ar not well pleased with
wit in the pulpit, perhaps the answer made
by the celebrated Dr. 'South' may be com
mended. His 'wit wus'so ready and ex
hausiless, that it woujkt roVoe out of him
even iu the midst of his most serious dis
courses. ; The excellent Sherlook remon
strated with hiral cn the subject, Uvben
bouth turneu upon hirn and demanded,
And, Doctor, had it pleased the Lord to
make you-a r wit, xchai xcoidd you Lave
doner V"r' v.u ! '
Old Mah. If we have any readers
of the Notions who .are old maids, 'they
are requested not to read the following :
' Ah" Amateur ' Naturalist" thus des
cribes the species :
' 'Old. , maid ( Vut'ut 1lralus) : Order,
mammalia; genus, sapiens; class, cm
niverous; appearance, eyes sharp, ncse
thin, mouth capacious, digits, seini-pre-hensile
: most of them are fierce, some
are untamable, others of a. mild nature,
evincing even a decree of attachment, es
pecially' for dogs, cats, canary-birdi, : and
parrots ; but they have most "implacable
enmity to, than., When, young , they are
playful, and : frequently pretty, but' their
ferocious disposition, which increases as
they grow up, although frequently con
cealed,'" is never subdued by education. .
''In" general they are gregarious,' but
pursue their predatory excursions' Tor the
most part alone, Their sense of seeing
and hearing is very acute; and they will
scent a tea-drinking of the odor - of scan
dal at almost an'incredible'disUince. f
' j'Tbey'are remarkably tenacious of life,
sncJj 8.tUiin a gpoj .oli age; . indeed, they
j hate frequently been knaytn. 10 cxisi for a
1 iong time oa tea an d scaadail"
" " '' " . '.' 1 ..(, rjr"To kill .red an'J -pinch them ca
. 5 Why. are horses'' in cold' wealheruhe back oTlhe, neck unul they open -therr
into thekit?henndljlk,Ke9desome ZVJ Bcin. they
;Bcicu.'UieyjiD
A Sfi.jiip BavDE-T-A ouple were
going o. he twarried, cand ihaj , proceeded
as far as the door of the churcfarj the xrea-
llemarrttea :"st(i(nDed riii'IntehcTed -bride.
arid thus unexpertedly'addrvssed her :
rtship
I
have riot told ywi the "whole V Wneft we
are married 'I- shall: insist urwn three
things!" .
" What are they IZ asked the lady.
' In the first place, ' ' said "the" bride-
groom, : I sliall r sleep alone.I shall eat
alone, and find fitdt when there is cocca-sion-Ca
vou submit to these conditions ?
' Oh yes," sir, very easily, was titer
repijr, or it yon slt-ep along, shall ntv;
if you eat alone, I shall eat first ; and as
to your finding fault without occasion, that
I think may be prevented, for I will take
care you never shall wan occasion.
The condition being thus adjusted, they
proceeded to the altar, and the 'ceremony
was performed. ' s ' ' '
A Liitle Ahead." A gentleman
in . 3Iaine, who wanted a hunting uog, -heard
that a farmer in" a "neighboring
county had one for sale, which he recom
mended very highly. , He called upon the
farmer, saw the dog. and took a schedule
of his merits, which were as numerous as
the hairs ou his body. .
The purchaser was particularly anx
ious to have a good wolf ' dogand upon
that point, the assurances cf : the'-'farmtr
were -lull and satisfactory. It "was th
lest wolf dog in the State. Satisfied with
his trade, the gentleman paid ' the price,
which whs by no means moderate, and
took the dog home. -V
; Not long after a light fall of sntw fur
nished an opporhiiKty to test the merits of
his purchase. A wolf was startedtnndth
probationer put on his track. Both ani
mal were .soon put of -igrit, and the own
er or proprietor followed on" as fast tshe
could. Presently he came up,'tb a farm
bouse, wherex l:e" saw' a' man chopping
wood. He asked him if he had see a a
dog and a wolf passing that way. '
"Yes." wts the reply."
'Well, how was' it with themf '
WVell, it was about nip and. tuck ; but
I think the dog was a leeile afiead.n
IJ3F" Professor Risley, who is row in
Italy", says, that recently when in .Venice,
an American Captain .and an English
man met at dinner. .
: "Yoi are an American, sir?" said the
Englishman. .1 ..! - . :
I reckon I am; returned the Captain.
- You hare the nam of being good
warriors?
Yes, said the Yankee, we shoot pret
ty well.."'
. But how is it you are nnxious to make
peace with Mexico? this does not look
much like spunk. .
'Vouars an Englishman? interrogated
the Yaukee.
Yes, replied the Englishman.
. -Weil, said the Yankee, 'I . don't know
what our folks Lave offered to !do with
Mexico; but, stranger, l'l jest tell you
one thing 111 be -. . il", we ever of
fered to make pea ce with you V ,,r
J5r" A young lady, so says Godey,
whose name , was' Patty, beicg addressed
by a Mr.. Cake, accepted hua oh condi
tion that he would changs his" name, de
claring that she vou'd never consent to be
called "paliy-cak. .
E&iTO ur Bill says the best 'sewing ma
chine in the world is one about seventeen
years old,' with short sleeve dresses, pretty
little feet with gaiter bootees on. -
- J5SAn old lady being at a loss for a
pin-cusliion, made one of an onion. On
th following morning she found that all
the needles had tears in their rves
'jS5"Th learned pig hasr taken to his
pen for a time. His first work will be a
history of Buffalo.. I: . will be' iilustrated
by Bacon, of Cincinnati. 7 " ; .
. ' C&A gentleman, 011. being told that
his wife had made Jiim the happy father of
two children, mechanically exclaimed
"Oh, Gemini !" .
Tj3? I saw thee weep; the pearly tear
auown tliy cheekwaa stealing.! But love
ye, 'twasn't crying, dear;; 'twas that bles
sed onion Twa3 peeling.,
n.ijjlitssaid American ladies fiirt more
than any other nation. ia the world, and
yet make tha truest and best wives. -
roomhs, then give thern a ifossicfturxay
My dear ErhraT durinc our cou
Lave-xold you most roi iay raindl ibut
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