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Newspaper Page Text
A HIGH TONES BTTTCHEB.
ill W I S IS Housewife: "Is the calf's liver fresh?" Butcher (indignantly): "Fresh! Fresh! Let me tell you, ma'am. I slaugh ter only calves with fresh livers!" "THE YELLOW DEVIL." New Tork World. H Won. "All right, then, we'll toss for it," said Tommy. "Here goes! You hol ler. Heads or tails?" "Very well," replied little Emer son of Boston. "I prognosticate the falling of the obverse uppermost." Philadelphia Press. ReasmriDg. Nervous Lady Have you killed many snakes around here this sum mer? Farmer Hayseed No; I allers leaves 'em for summer boarders to kill. You'll find plenty o' sport, mum. New York Weekly. BLOOMERS FOOLED HIM. i3 111 WHY DAUBER'S PICTURE WAS LEFT UNFINISHED. Professor Bumps (very shortsighted): "Ladies and gentlemen, this young man's head l?-iicates that !.e has no taste for domestic His. He will probably be a great explorer or a sailor or a parson or a company promoter or something t tht sort." l I 1 a ' ' it 3 I 1 ' -4. - A SIGN WORTH READING. POINTED, IP HOT POLITE. . uasiB; la i Hi Waggles: "Now, dere's der first sensible sign I've seen In a week." New York Evening Journal. His Own Labor Trouble. "Well, our labor troubles seem to fce winding up." "Yes; my wife said last night that we are all done but one bedroom and the back hall." Chicago Rec ord. I A Curiosity of Politics. As far as man's memory reaches. The honest historian notes That the man who is longest on speeches Is often the shortest on votes. Washington Star. Good Advice to Ignore, "How does it happen that you are so successful In politics?" "I act exactly contrary to the ad vice given me by my political oppo nents, and then I know I can't make a mistake." Chicago Evening Post. MAKES 'EM MOVE. fflf m 4& m 1 U!&" ' " - f - "It's a shame to do dia, but I Wants de seat meself." "Head a little higher, miss, 'til I press de button. So!" "Yes, dey gen'ly moves when dey thinks Johnny has bis camera." Scribner'a, Btout Party: "Now, boy, why don't you be perllte and get up and give on of these young ladies a seat?" Cheeky Boyt ''Not me! Why don't you get up and give them both a seat?" AS IT SEEMED TO EETJBEN. 3 TC-lrr... 1 : . ..Vf.-i "It's a gol durn outright shame to let a little feller pull the whul durn con cern!" Scribner's. AN UNPLEASANT SUEPEISE. Chicago Record. A TRAGEDY. Estelle: "Boo-hoo! Jlmmle said he'd commit suicide If I tnin him down, an now. he's gone an did Itl" New; Xork Evening Journal,