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TOPEKA STATE JOURNAL, SATURDAY E VEXING. DECEMBER 8, 1900. 1 UI ii iiMJiili ,L MAKE WELL a: Leave iIIIlSlIII rs foi Machines. 819 M anna epaired. Lv:3 SewiiiM SIMM mi Gl M'NEAISFABLES. Topeka Humorist's New liook i Is in Press. Will Be a Christmas Publication of Crane & Co. A UNIQUE PRODUCTION. The Author I'ses His Most Clever Satire. Illustrated by Albert Keid, a Kansas Artist. Tom McXeal, the well known Topeka humorist anil newspaper man, has writ ten his first book. It will be issued in a few days by the firm of crane & Co. of Topeka. who have already acted as sponsors for much that is meritorious in Kansas literature. This little Christmas publication is designed to bring numberless rays of sunlight to minds which are clouded by the dust-covered cobwebs of business against him. He was a Greek slave. At times his master made it very sultry for Aesop, and Aesop had to take it. He did not have the privilege of a. proud American citizen when insulted, of put ting frescoes on the countenance of the man who insulted him. He simply had to take it out in thinking about the way he would like to punch tie face of his insulter. In addition to being a slave, Aesop had no graces of face or figure to help him out. He was de formed, and had a face that would stop an eight-day clock. But Aesop had brains. That was where he had con siderably the advantage of many mod ern authors." air. McXeal then gives a detailed bit ography of his predecessor and con cludes his introductory " remarks" with the following: "Aesop finally managed to save a lit tle on the. side, and offered to purchase his freedom. He got himself at a bar gain, his master afterward declaring that the reason he let Aesop go so cheap was on account of the fact that since he began to write for the newspapers he wasn't worth a continental anyway, and all he could sell him for was clear gain. "After he became a, freeman Aesop got to the front with astounding rapid ity. He stood in with the upper crust of Athens, and became the trusted financial agent of Croesus, who was the Rockefeller of that time. Croesus was something of a politician as well as a business man, and liked to mix in af fairs of state. Wishing to carry an elec tion, Croesus sent Aesop over to Del phos with a large campaign fund, and told him to place it among the boys where it would do the most good. On -J v - V wW Tom McNeal, Whose Book of Fables Is in Press. cares. It is delightfully unconventional and refreshingly simple in style. It is called a book of fables and contains the trite aphorisms which have already given the author a high rank as a philo sophical humorist. Tom McNeal is always original and while he has in his book followed some what in the footsteps of his predeces sors the subject matter is always fresh and the deductions plain and whole some. The author's style breathes the freedom of the west, and while his disre gardforthestrict rules of rhetoric may bring down upon him an avalanche of criticism it ia pretty aafe to say that his little book will be read and enjoyed. The preface is unique and gives the reader a hint of the good things to come, and it also serves to make plain the style of the author. This is his "excuse" for the preface: "When a new book is sprung on the publio it is customary for the author to write a preface, or introduction, which is supposed to serve aa an excuse for the publication. Sometimes the author gets a gifted and indulgent friend to write the preface for him. This is the reason why the preface to a book is often the best part of the publication. "I have concluded to vary the usual programme just a little. I offer this book without any excuse for its being. If the public doesn't like the book, the public doesn't have to buy it. 1 will say. however, for the benefit of the publisher, who is taking most of the risk, that I hope the public will not re fuse to buy." " Discussing the precedent for the ac tion of the author in writing a book of fables the author says: "The most popular of fable writers among the ancieni3 was Aesop. Al though Aesop lived and wrote more than twenty-five hundred years ago. more people kno about him now than do about several writers whose works were published as late as last January. Aesop had not much of a show for im mortality when he started in the fable buaiaesa. Circumstances were decidedly arriving at Delphos, Aesop found that the politicians were divided on the question of who should handle the funds. Each one wanted more of it than anybody else. Aesop finally got warm under the collar and told the Del phos crowd that they could not have a dollar of the money he was carrying about on his person. When the Delphos fellows found that they were liable to lose all chances for boodle, they forgot for a time their differences and made a rush for Aesop, as the story goes. To use a modern phrase, they did not do a thing to him. They mopped the ground with his person, and taking him out, threw him over the bluff. This was the last ever heard from Aesop. Whether he was killed by the fall, or whether he struck out, carrying the campaign fund with him, will never be definitely known; whatever may be the real facts in the case, his admirers have for many years mourned htm as one dead. It is evident from the biographical preface that had the author cared to make his book one of biography it would not have been wanting in interest. It is an impossible task to select from among this unique collection one or a dozen "fables" and say they are the best to be found in the book, but a few are reproduced herewith haphazard, simply as a sample, to give the reader an inkling of what he may expect if he reads the book: THE WASP IK CHURCH. A wasp which had built her nest among the rafters of a Kansas church, observed that while the preacher ,vas expounding the Gospel two of the dea cons and about half the congregation were peacefully slumbering. Just by way of experiment, the wasp flew down and socked her sticker into the bald dome of thought of a sleeping deacon, who awoke with a wild snort, like unto the snort of a startled colt; and in less than a minute there wasn't a man, wo man or child in that congregation who wasn't wide awake. Then the wasp, re marked, as she returned to the bosom of her family: "If that preacher would either take me into partnership, or else put more point into his remarks, this church might not look so much like a lodging-house." Moral. If you want to interest your hearers, have some point to your re marks. THE WOMAN AND HER VOCIFER OUS HEN. In the month of June a hen was cack ling vociferously over a new-laid egg J ' tew ALBERT T. REin, The Kansas Artist. when her mistress, who was standing near by, exclaimed in disgust: "Oh, yes, you can make more noise than a female sewing-circle now, when eggs are only six cents a dozen, but last winter, when eggs were thirty cents a dozen, you never said a word." Moral. Work done at the right time J is what knocks. THE LOVE-SICK COUPLE AND THE MAPLE WORM. A love-sick couple were sitting un der the spreading branches of a maple tree. "Do you trust me, my love?" asked the youth, with the tender in flection and tone of a six-months-old calf. "Do I trust you?" cooed the maiden, as she nestled closer. "While you are near I think of nothing else but you." Just then a large and active worm that had taken up its abode in the tree, remarked to itself: "This is getting too sickish for me. I will just drop down on the back of that girl's neck and show the young man that she can think of something else while he is near. I will also make a temporary break in that dream of love." Moral. As you grow older you will find that some unpleasant practical ex perience will knock sentiment galley west and crooked. THE SNAKE AND THE CHRISTIAN SCIENTIST. A Kansas bull-snake, out hunting for breakfast, spied a nest in which there was a beautiful-appearing egg; and the snake, not knowing that the egg was. made of chinaware, swallowed it. Short ly afterward, hearing a Christian scien tist proclaiming that all ailments were purely imaginary, the snake, who was having a deal of trouble in trying to di gest that egg, said: "That talk sounds pretty well, but if I could perceive that my gastric juices were getting any ac tion on that confounded thing that I took for an egg this morning, I would take a heap, more stock in your re marks." ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. A tramp, sauntering along the road, stopped at the front gate of a yard and was about to enter and call for a hand out, when suddenly a large brindle complexioned bulldog appeared on the porch, and looked the traveler over without making a sound. "Good day." said the tramp, as he hastily shut the gate and got a move on himself down the pike; "you haven't opened your mouth, you pug-nosed son-of-a-gun, .but there are times when actions speak louder than words." THE CARELESS COYOTE. A hungry coyote, seeing some chickens roosting in a tree, began walking around under the branches, looking longingly up toward the fat fowls that were just out of reach. And as he looked he grew hun grier and more anxious, until he neg tected to watch where he was stepping, and stepped into a steel trap that had been set there by the owner of the fowls. And an old wolf, hearing the coyote's howl of pain, came up, and, taking in the situation at once, said: "If you ever get out of the situation you are now in, young fellow, you want to re member not to keep your head in the air so much that you can't see what you are stepping into." THE JACK RABBIT WHO HAD PRO FITED BY EXAMPLE. A jack rabbit which had been captur ed in its infancy, afterward escaped and returned to its native haunts. It wa noticed hereafter that no other jack rab bit on that stretch of prairie was in It with the first mentioned when it came to dodging and doubling and getting out of tight places. An interested contem porary called on the first mentioned rab bit and besought him to tell where he had acquired his skill. "That is easy," said the first jack rabbit as he gently fanned himself with his left ear: "I was captured while young, and trained by a Kansas politician, who tried to keep on both sides of the prohibition question." THE KANSAS GAME ROOSTER. In a certain market place was a coop, full of chickens waiting for the execu tioner. And while they were awaiting developments a game rooster among the bunch flapped his wings as well as his cramped quarters would allow, and gave a lusty crow. "What have you got- to crow about, I'd like to know?" said a disgusted turkey in another coop; "you will lose your head inside of 12 hours. "Maybe so." said the cheerful rooster, "but I am from Kansas, where we never say die. If everything failed one season we. commenced to crow about what we were going to do next year; and any way, if I have to die. blamed if I don't intend to enjoy myself while I live." Moral Never say die as long as you are able to say anything. THE COYOTE AND THE CRANE. A Kansas coyote while dining off the. carcass of a jack rabbit got a splinter of bone fast in his throat, and seeing a sandhill crane fishing near by, ran to it, saying: "My friend, you seem to be mighty handy with that neck of yours. I wish you would be kind enough to fish that piece of bone out of my throat." But instead of complying with the re quest, the crane slowly closed one optic as it prepared to make a dive for anoth er fish, and said: "I would have you understand, you sharp-nosed chicken thief, that I am no Reuben. I was out here in Kansas during the boom, and learned that there are a lot of things it is safe to keep out of. You will have to ask some tender-foot to pull that bone for you. or else manage to-cough it up yourself." Moral. It is the part of wisdom not tr put yourself in the power of a scound rel. It is evident that' Mr.McNeal has care fully eliminated everything of a partis an political nature, which appeared in his original "Fables." The book contains about 250 pages and 0; ill P""".'.!l r M "3 P-N n 3 f I it Vv" I UJ i ijjj Gavitt's Gavitt's Gavitt's Gavitt's AKE SOLD OX A POSITIVE GUARANTEE. Pain Extractor Cures all Aohes, Pains and Bruises instantly Internal or external. 50 cts. per Bottle. Horinl Hmf monf Cures Sore Throat, Piles, Rheumatism, Skin Eruptions I lerUcll JinilTlfc;n L and AU Lung Diseases. 23 cts. per Jar. Cures all Kidney, Liver, Stomach and Blood Disease. 25 cts per Package. Cures Colds in the Head aud Catarrh. 25 eta. per Bottle. System Regulator Catarrh Cure SOLD BY ALL TOPEKA DRUGGISTS. is well printed and bound in cloth. An interesting feature is the illustrations. They were made by-a young Kansas ar tist, Albert T. Reid. who has achieved considerable fame in the few years he has been before the public. Mr. Reid's pictures are well drawn and contain a vivid delineation of the story they are used to illustrate. The book contains 40 of Mr. Reid's drawings which help very much to make it one of the most interesting essentially Kansas books yet published. "LAZY LA WHENCE" From Notes and Queries. St. Lawrence became the patron saint of the lazy and indolent because when, un der the fifth persecution of Valerian, he was tortured to dtath for his unswerving adherence to the new religion by beinK brofietl altve rn an enormous jrridlrori. he mocked his tormentors by saying-. "It in now roasted; turn me and eat." S. Am bro5., "De Officii." I., 41. IT., 28: S. Aug., Serm. Vti, cited in Robert Owens "Sanc-toral-e Catholicum." ISM), p. 2.1s; see also Butler's "Liven of the Saints"). Hence his attributed unwillingness to exert himself in this respect procured for him this pa tronal status over the lazy. Similar proverbial saying tend to show further that it was not, as supposed, mere alliterativeness that suggested the phrase: "As lay es Joe the marine, who laid down his musket to Fneeze"; "As lazy as a Mahon soldier," i. e.. an Indian Mo hammedan soldier, whose physical nerKy was not so great as that of a British sol dier: "As prtMid n rVh's d..r 1h:it lc the Wall of a dunx cnri. Jimi K"t rnh M in lhr wb'eJ": und ttif uiirniHi d. pih of liiEirK'xs wtTf r-ji'hd dy "Un i) Ln renoe's dog- Hint l.-unwi hi h;ul jifnlnr ttie wall t bar k." a pit-re of t'u -t i h i-oir- only KtiKKsiinn: that Ma r-al oitrtn of "Lazy LawreTae" had already b-ii fr potun. '"I-a wrnce bid wagf-w' w.n an excuse for laaincHH. and "St. I.awr ra Fun tint hold of yon" wh. and pertiapw ! MtH, a common provincial wftyinK of unv on ru'wlfd i?)f work. whfU Ht. I -aw rn' bay, AuK'Jft la. cnraMy u. hot iy. ai on- on w hi h persons were en cfpt lonn 1 1 y puppofted to fdiirk thHr uual m m ;H iutt. Tliis saint. whoe martynlcm nhook th foundation! of paati unb-lijf, !s tiil fur ther commemorated In "S!. Lawr m-e tears." rs the meteoric or tdtootitiK Mars were called, which fir nnld KencfMllv t make a grrat db-play on hi" a nni r-a t y. As regards "St. l-oza." liatley llrt..n ary, 17-io, gives "!.zel t. lazy lubber." TOPEKA HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM WHICH HAS LOST BUT ONE GAME THIS YEAR. Mf.-, lMf Mjr -ft is? ?vj i -fk-W ,; i irB'PJ WrAtPt fWi i&rk.r(ir teVwf; McAuley, r. e. Capt. Griggs, r. t. Fleishman, r. g. Vance, c. Guy. 1. g. Tuttle 1. t. ,trof. Heacock, Mgr. Miller, sub. Fink, r. h. b. F. Griggs, j. b. Smith, f. b. lutlock, sub. Low, sub. Curry, I. r. A. Orl6gi, 1. h. b. It has been demonstrated by the work of the Topeka high school football team that there Is considerable Kkill nn prowe In th rank of the younrp fi'h letes. The players from the city school have made a good and successful record for themselves. From th ftart the) schoolboy xlmweil an ipuiud I'.r Ue Kni" and a knowledge of it- technique that was reallv surprising for their class. , . M . , . . . ,, Individually the high school team has developed some star plavers. This was its sole danger and weakness. rlspor1 w thrpHt.-neii wfi.-n this r.- miik nr-t cropped out It is to their credit that the season has been brought thus near an end without disruption. What has bwn notl.-d by tlie casual ohser.-r m..e ih- in dividual merits (jf the players, in the several games that have been played, has been the team work. Quick, snappy playing, with precision and with every pl.v.r doing his utmost to win were the factors that proved disastrous to their opponents. This team has good claim to the title of the champion high school eleven of Kansas. Of it five match gara, it has won four. The record is as follows. Topeka high school, VI; Campbell university, 6. Topeka high school, 33; Lawrence high school, 0. Topeka higlt school, 45: Olathe deaf mutes. 0. Topeka high school, 0; Kansas City high school, 6. Topeka high school, 12: Kansas Citv high school, 0. , . . , , The hie-h school management consistently advocates purity in athletics. No deviation Is made from this prnctico here and In return ne hirn cchnoi t-ltm " allowed to enter into a match with any but a purely scholastic team. On this account the return game m-heduled with ampneii university wh nceiim. url- Scott high schools ciaim to me cnampjonsnip or ine state is not recognized tor me uame? reason. i iu ""n y ....... , .. . The Kansas City high school takesthe same stand in maintaining the amateur scholastic nature of athletics in the clime to which, both Ik Ioiik. Jt is a 1 ' tous circumstance, as the two are the representative teams of their respective states. The Toeka htj-'h school slnst Important mnimi . was with Kansas City Wednesday, Kovember 28. It took on fully the aspeej: of an interstate contest, because the Kansas City team has beaten all the important high school teams in Missouri. . . . . .v.. , . ... ,v- Kun.n fli The Tooeka boys surterea tnotr only aeteat or the season at Kansas niy a nanos. ine score was o-v. ji v..i-,o. .-.in o, n..- the supporter of either team declare it to have been one of the best games they have ever seen. This game wan piayea in Kansas ny . n- " all with the home team. This time the same advantage was with Topeka and they turned the tables in a hard fought mm', it was th event oi int n. amone the admirers of the high school elevens. The teams have played annual games for the last two years The struggles have always len ri.we ami contested. Their annual games are to the two schools what the yearly Thanksgiving game Is to tne universities oi Rinwu ana Missouri, w ' " and wTas -son i hotlv The Toneka high school players are a likely lot of sturdy youngsters. They practice faithfully and hard They play a fast game. Their football .lur'ton him been amplified and directed by Benny Owen, the coach of the Washburn college team. For a 142-pound team, it is a sirongaggregaiion. khoi wwi-n rina i n in all sinceritv and the statement is modest enough at that, when asked for his opinion: I think the Topeka team Is one of the best high school elevens in the country." he said. "For players of their ngr. weight end experience. thy know the game like a book and work well together. They have established a reputation throughout Kansas to be proud of. The Topeka teem I the champion hlKh school eleven of Kansas and as well has defeated several of the smaller universities of the state. It is a strong little team and amungst Its players some very vrommlnu material is to be found."