The Topeka state journal. [volume], December 08, 1900, LAST EDITION, Editorial Section, Page 10, Image 10

About The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980

Image provided by: Kansas State Historical Society; Topeka, KS

                
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TOPEKA STATE JOURNAL, SATURDAY E VEXING. DECEMBER 8, 1900.
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M'NEAISFABLES.
Topeka Humorist's New liook
i Is in Press.
Will Be a Christmas Publication
of Crane & Co.
A UNIQUE PRODUCTION.
The Author I'ses His Most
Clever Satire.
Illustrated by Albert Keid, a
Kansas Artist.
Tom McXeal, the well known Topeka
humorist anil newspaper man, has writ
ten his first book. It will be issued in
a few days by the firm of crane & Co.
of Topeka. who have already acted as
sponsors for much that is meritorious
in Kansas literature.
This little Christmas publication is
designed to bring numberless rays of
sunlight to minds which are clouded by
the dust-covered cobwebs of business
against him. He was a Greek slave. At
times his master made it very sultry for
Aesop, and Aesop had to take it. He
did not have the privilege of a. proud
American citizen when insulted, of put
ting frescoes on the countenance of the
man who insulted him. He simply had
to take it out in thinking about the
way he would like to punch tie face of
his insulter. In addition to being a
slave, Aesop had no graces of face or
figure to help him out. He was de
formed, and had a face that would stop
an eight-day clock. But Aesop had
brains. That was where he had con
siderably the advantage of many mod
ern authors."
air. McXeal then gives a detailed bit
ography of his predecessor and con
cludes his introductory " remarks" with
the following:
"Aesop finally managed to save a lit
tle on the. side, and offered to purchase
his freedom. He got himself at a bar
gain, his master afterward declaring
that the reason he let Aesop go so cheap
was on account of the fact that since
he began to write for the newspapers
he wasn't worth a continental anyway,
and all he could sell him for was clear
gain.
"After he became a, freeman Aesop
got to the front with astounding rapid
ity. He stood in with the upper crust
of Athens, and became the trusted
financial agent of Croesus, who was the
Rockefeller of that time. Croesus was
something of a politician as well as a
business man, and liked to mix in af
fairs of state. Wishing to carry an elec
tion, Croesus sent Aesop over to Del
phos with a large campaign fund, and
told him to place it among the boys
where it would do the most good. On
-J v - V wW
Tom McNeal, Whose Book of Fables Is in Press.
cares. It is delightfully unconventional
and refreshingly simple in style. It is
called a book of fables and contains
the trite aphorisms which have already
given the author a high rank as a philo
sophical humorist.
Tom McNeal is always original and
while he has in his book followed some
what in the footsteps of his predeces
sors the subject matter is always fresh
and the deductions plain and whole
some. The author's style breathes the
freedom of the west, and while his disre
gardforthestrict rules of rhetoric may
bring down upon him an avalanche of
criticism it ia pretty aafe to say that his
little book will be read and enjoyed.
The preface is unique and gives the
reader a hint of the good things to
come, and it also serves to make plain
the style of the author.
This is his "excuse" for the preface:
"When a new book is sprung on the
publio it is customary for the author
to write a preface, or introduction, which
is supposed to serve aa an excuse for
the publication. Sometimes the author
gets a gifted and indulgent friend to
write the preface for him. This is the
reason why the preface to a book is
often the best part of the publication.
"I have concluded to vary the usual
programme just a little. I offer this
book without any excuse for its being.
If the public doesn't like the book, the
public doesn't have to buy it. 1 will
say. however, for the benefit of the
publisher, who is taking most of the
risk, that I hope the public will not re
fuse to buy."
" Discussing the precedent for the ac
tion of the author in writing a book of
fables the author says:
"The most popular of fable writers
among the ancieni3 was Aesop. Al
though Aesop lived and wrote more
than twenty-five hundred years ago.
more people kno about him now than
do about several writers whose works
were published as late as last January.
Aesop had not much of a show for im
mortality when he started in the fable
buaiaesa. Circumstances were decidedly
arriving at Delphos, Aesop found that
the politicians were divided on the
question of who should handle the
funds. Each one wanted more of it
than anybody else. Aesop finally got
warm under the collar and told the Del
phos crowd that they could not have a
dollar of the money he was carrying
about on his person. When the Delphos
fellows found that they were liable to
lose all chances for boodle, they forgot
for a time their differences and made a
rush for Aesop, as the story goes. To
use a modern phrase, they did not do a
thing to him. They mopped the ground
with his person, and taking him out,
threw him over the bluff. This was the
last ever heard from Aesop. Whether
he was killed by the fall, or whether
he struck out, carrying the campaign
fund with him, will never be definitely
known; whatever may be the real facts
in the case, his admirers have for many
years mourned htm as one dead.
It is evident from the biographical
preface that had the author cared to
make his book one of biography it would
not have been wanting in interest.
It is an impossible task to select from
among this unique collection one or a
dozen "fables" and say they are the
best to be found in the book, but a few
are reproduced herewith haphazard,
simply as a sample, to give the reader
an inkling of what he may expect if he
reads the book:
THE WASP IK CHURCH.
A wasp which had built her nest
among the rafters of a Kansas church,
observed that while the preacher ,vas
expounding the Gospel two of the dea
cons and about half the congregation
were peacefully slumbering. Just by
way of experiment, the wasp flew down
and socked her sticker into the bald
dome of thought of a sleeping deacon,
who awoke with a wild snort, like unto
the snort of a startled colt; and in less
than a minute there wasn't a man, wo
man or child in that congregation who
wasn't wide awake. Then the wasp, re
marked, as she returned to the bosom of
her family: "If that preacher would
either take me into partnership, or else
put more point into his remarks, this
church might not look so much like a
lodging-house."
Moral. If you want to interest your
hearers, have some point to your re
marks.
THE WOMAN AND HER VOCIFER
OUS HEN.
In the month of June a hen was cack
ling vociferously over a new-laid egg
J '
tew
ALBERT T. REin,
The Kansas Artist.
when her mistress, who was standing
near by, exclaimed in disgust: "Oh, yes,
you can make more noise than a female
sewing-circle now, when eggs are only
six cents a dozen, but last winter, when
eggs were thirty cents a dozen, you
never said a word."
Moral. Work done at the right time J
is what knocks.
THE LOVE-SICK COUPLE AND THE
MAPLE WORM.
A love-sick couple were sitting un
der the spreading branches of a maple
tree. "Do you trust me, my love?"
asked the youth, with the tender in
flection and tone of a six-months-old
calf. "Do I trust you?" cooed the
maiden, as she nestled closer. "While
you are near I think of nothing else but
you." Just then a large and active
worm that had taken up its abode in
the tree, remarked to itself: "This is
getting too sickish for me. I will just
drop down on the back of that girl's
neck and show the young man that she
can think of something else while he is
near. I will also make a temporary
break in that dream of love."
Moral. As you grow older you will
find that some unpleasant practical ex
perience will knock sentiment galley
west and crooked.
THE SNAKE AND THE CHRISTIAN
SCIENTIST.
A Kansas bull-snake, out hunting for
breakfast, spied a nest in which there
was a beautiful-appearing egg; and the
snake, not knowing that the egg was.
made of chinaware, swallowed it. Short
ly afterward, hearing a Christian scien
tist proclaiming that all ailments were
purely imaginary, the snake, who was
having a deal of trouble in trying to di
gest that egg, said: "That talk sounds
pretty well, but if I could perceive that
my gastric juices were getting any ac
tion on that confounded thing that I
took for an egg this morning, I would
take a heap, more stock in your re
marks." ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN
WORDS.
A tramp, sauntering along the road,
stopped at the front gate of a yard and
was about to enter and call for a hand
out, when suddenly a large brindle
complexioned bulldog appeared on the
porch, and looked the traveler over
without making a sound. "Good day."
said the tramp, as he hastily shut the
gate and got a move on himself down
the pike; "you haven't opened your
mouth, you pug-nosed son-of-a-gun,
.but there are times when actions speak
louder than words."
THE CARELESS COYOTE.
A hungry coyote, seeing some chickens
roosting in a tree, began walking around
under the branches, looking longingly up
toward the fat fowls that were just out
of reach. And as he looked he grew hun
grier and more anxious, until he neg
tected to watch where he was stepping,
and stepped into a steel trap that had
been set there by the owner of the fowls.
And an old wolf, hearing the coyote's
howl of pain, came up, and, taking in
the situation at once, said: "If you
ever get out of the situation you are
now in, young fellow, you want to re
member not to keep your head in the
air so much that you can't see what
you are stepping into."
THE JACK RABBIT WHO HAD PRO
FITED BY EXAMPLE.
A jack rabbit which had been captur
ed in its infancy, afterward escaped and
returned to its native haunts. It wa
noticed hereafter that no other jack rab
bit on that stretch of prairie was in It
with the first mentioned when it came
to dodging and doubling and getting out
of tight places. An interested contem
porary called on the first mentioned rab
bit and besought him to tell where he
had acquired his skill. "That is easy,"
said the first jack rabbit as he gently
fanned himself with his left ear: "I was
captured while young, and trained by a
Kansas politician, who tried to keep on
both sides of the prohibition question."
THE KANSAS GAME ROOSTER.
In a certain market place was a coop,
full of chickens waiting for the execu
tioner. And while they were awaiting
developments a game rooster among the
bunch flapped his wings as well as his
cramped quarters would allow, and gave
a lusty crow. "What have you got- to
crow about, I'd like to know?" said a
disgusted turkey in another coop; "you
will lose your head inside of 12 hours.
"Maybe so." said the cheerful rooster,
"but I am from Kansas, where we never
say die. If everything failed one season
we. commenced to crow about what we
were going to do next year; and any
way, if I have to die. blamed if I don't
intend to enjoy myself while I live."
Moral Never say die as long as you
are able to say anything.
THE COYOTE AND THE CRANE.
A Kansas coyote while dining off the.
carcass of a jack rabbit got a splinter of
bone fast in his throat, and seeing a
sandhill crane fishing near by, ran to it,
saying: "My friend, you seem to be
mighty handy with that neck of yours.
I wish you would be kind enough to fish
that piece of bone out of my throat."
But instead of complying with the re
quest, the crane slowly closed one optic
as it prepared to make a dive for anoth
er fish, and said: "I would have you
understand, you sharp-nosed chicken
thief, that I am no Reuben. I was out
here in Kansas during the boom, and
learned that there are a lot of things it
is safe to keep out of. You will have to
ask some tender-foot to pull that bone
for you. or else manage to-cough it up
yourself."
Moral. It is the part of wisdom not tr
put yourself in the power of a scound
rel. It is evident that' Mr.McNeal has care
fully eliminated everything of a partis
an political nature, which appeared in
his original "Fables."
The book contains about 250 pages and
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"3 P-N n 3 f
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I UJ i ijjj
Gavitt's
Gavitt's
Gavitt's
Gavitt's
AKE SOLD OX A POSITIVE GUARANTEE.
Pain Extractor
Cures all Aohes, Pains and Bruises instantly Internal or
external. 50 cts. per Bottle.
Horinl Hmf monf Cures Sore Throat, Piles, Rheumatism, Skin Eruptions
I lerUcll JinilTlfc;n L and AU Lung Diseases. 23 cts. per Jar.
Cures all Kidney, Liver, Stomach and Blood Disease.
25 cts per Package.
Cures Colds in the Head aud Catarrh.
25 eta. per Bottle.
System Regulator
Catarrh Cure
SOLD BY ALL TOPEKA DRUGGISTS.
is well printed and bound in cloth. An
interesting feature is the illustrations.
They were made by-a young Kansas ar
tist, Albert T. Reid. who has achieved
considerable fame in the few years he
has been before the public. Mr. Reid's
pictures are well drawn and contain a
vivid delineation of the story they are
used to illustrate. The book contains
40 of Mr. Reid's drawings which help
very much to make it one of the most
interesting essentially Kansas books yet
published.
"LAZY LA WHENCE"
From Notes and Queries.
St. Lawrence became the patron saint of
the lazy and indolent because when, un
der the fifth persecution of Valerian, he
was tortured to dtath for his unswerving
adherence to the new religion by beinK
brofietl altve rn an enormous jrridlrori. he
mocked his tormentors by saying-. "It in
now roasted; turn me and eat." S. Am
bro5., "De Officii." I., 41. IT., 28: S. Aug.,
Serm. Vti, cited in Robert Owens "Sanc-toral-e
Catholicum." ISM), p. 2.1s; see also
Butler's "Liven of the Saints"). Hence his
attributed unwillingness to exert himself
in this respect procured for him this pa
tronal status over the lazy.
Similar proverbial saying tend to show
further that it was not, as supposed, mere
alliterativeness that suggested the phrase:
"As lay es Joe the marine, who laid
down his musket to Fneeze"; "As lazy
as a Mahon soldier," i. e.. an Indian Mo
hammedan soldier, whose physical nerKy
was not so great as that of a British sol
dier: "As prtMid n rVh's d..r 1h:it lc
the Wall of a dunx cnri. Jimi K"t rnh M
in lhr wb'eJ": und ttif uiirniHi d. pih
of liiEirK'xs wtTf r-ji'hd dy "Un i) Ln
renoe's dog- Hint l.-unwi hi h;ul jifnlnr
ttie wall t bar k." a pit-re of t'u -t i h i-oir-
only KtiKKsiinn: that Ma r-al oitrtn of
"Lazy LawreTae" had already b-ii fr
potun. '"I-a wrnce bid wagf-w' w.n an
excuse for laaincHH. and "St. I.awr ra Fun
tint hold of yon" wh. and pertiapw ! MtH,
a common provincial wftyinK of unv on
ru'wlfd i?)f work. whfU Ht. I -aw rn'
bay, AuK'Jft la. cnraMy u. hot iy. ai
on- on w hi h persons were en cfpt lonn 1 1 y
puppofted to fdiirk thHr uual m m ;H iutt.
Tliis saint. whoe martynlcm nhook th
foundation! of paati unb-lijf, !s tiil fur
ther commemorated In "S!. Lawr m-e
tears." rs the meteoric or tdtootitiK Mars
were called, which fir nnld KencfMllv t
make a grrat db-play on hi" a nni r-a t y.
As regards "St. l-oza." liatley llrt..n
ary, 17-io, gives "!.zel t. lazy lubber."
TOPEKA HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM WHICH HAS LOST BUT ONE GAME THIS YEAR.
Mf.-,
lMf Mjr -ft is? ?vj i -fk-W ,; i irB'PJ
WrAtPt fWi i&rk.r(ir
teVwf;
McAuley, r. e. Capt. Griggs, r. t. Fleishman, r. g. Vance, c. Guy. 1. g. Tuttle 1. t.
,trof. Heacock, Mgr. Miller, sub. Fink, r. h. b. F. Griggs, j. b. Smith, f. b. lutlock, sub.
Low, sub.
Curry, I. r.
A. Orl6gi, 1. h. b.
It has been demonstrated by the work of the Topeka high school football team that there Is considerable Kkill nn prowe In th rank of the younrp fi'h
letes. The players from the city school have made a good and successful record for themselves. From th ftart the) schoolboy xlmweil an ipuiud I'.r Ue Kni"
and a knowledge of it- technique that was reallv surprising for their class. , . M . , . . . ,,
Individually the high school team has developed some star plavers. This was its sole danger and weakness. rlspor1 w thrpHt.-neii wfi.-n this r.- miik nr-t
cropped out It is to their credit that the season has been brought thus near an end without disruption. What has bwn notl.-d by tlie casual ohser.-r m..e ih- in
dividual merits (jf the players, in the several games that have been played, has been the team work. Quick, snappy playing, with precision and with every pl.v.r
doing his utmost to win were the factors that proved disastrous to their opponents.
This team has good claim to the title of the champion high school eleven of Kansas. Of it five match gara, it has won four. The record is as follows.
Topeka high school, VI; Campbell university, 6.
Topeka high school, 33; Lawrence high school, 0.
Topeka higlt school, 45: Olathe deaf mutes. 0.
Topeka high school, 0; Kansas City high school, 6.
Topeka high school, 12: Kansas Citv high school, 0. , . . , ,
The hie-h school management consistently advocates purity in athletics. No deviation Is made from this prnctico here and In return ne hirn cchnoi t-ltm "
allowed to enter into a match with any but a purely scholastic team. On this account the return game m-heduled with ampneii university wh nceiim. url-
Scott high schools ciaim to me cnampjonsnip or ine state is not recognized tor me uame? reason. i iu ""n y ....... , .. .
The Kansas City high school takesthe same stand in maintaining the amateur scholastic nature of athletics in the clime to which, both Ik Ioiik. Jt is a 1 '
tous circumstance, as the two are the representative teams of their respective states. The Toeka htj-'h school slnst Important mnimi .
was with Kansas City Wednesday, Kovember 28. It took on fully the aspeej: of an interstate contest, because the Kansas City team has beaten all the important
high school teams in Missouri. . . . . .v.. , . ... ,v- Kun.n fli
The Tooeka boys surterea tnotr only aeteat or the season at Kansas niy a nanos. ine score was o-v. ji v..i-,o. .-.in o, n..-
the supporter of either team declare it to have been one of the best games they have ever seen. This game wan piayea in Kansas ny . n- "
all with the home team. This time the same advantage was with Topeka and they turned the tables in a hard fought mm', it was th event oi int n.
amone the admirers of the high school elevens. The teams have played annual games for the last two years The struggles have always len ri.we ami
contested. Their annual games are to the two schools what the yearly Thanksgiving game Is to tne universities oi Rinwu ana Missouri, w ' "
and
wTas
-son i
hotlv
The Toneka high school players are a likely lot of sturdy youngsters. They practice faithfully and hard They play a fast game. Their football .lur'ton him
been amplified and directed by Benny Owen, the coach of the Washburn college team. For a 142-pound team, it is a sirongaggregaiion. khoi wwi-n rina i n in
all sinceritv and the statement is modest enough at that, when asked for his opinion:
I think the Topeka team Is one of the best high school elevens in the country." he said. "For players of their ngr. weight end experience. thy know the
game like a book and work well together. They have established a reputation throughout Kansas to be proud of. The Topeka teem I the champion hlKh school
eleven of Kansas and as well has defeated several of the smaller universities of the state. It is a strong little team and amungst Its players some very vrommlnu
material is to be found."