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Image provided by: Kansas State Historical Society; Topeka, KS
Newspaper Page Text
TOPKA STATE JOURNAL, SATURDAY EVENING, AUGUST 16, 1902.
I si mm t ;,H;:I:I:; - The Hunter: "Oh, The Bear: "So am HEHOIC FAT. a li 5s L.Z 1 Shipwrecked Mariner (who has just sighted land) Hello, Pat! What are you jjoing to do? Pat Shure, bedad, Ol'm going to swim ashore an' save moiself an thin swim back an' save you! A Long: Recovery. Bragge I was knocked senseless by a base"ball two years ago. The Boy In the Corner When does yer expeck ter get over it? Young Doctor (who has Just received his diploma) to Friend: "The next thing will be to hunt up a good, sickly locality and wait for something to turn up, like Patience on a monument.'' Candid Friend: "Yes, and it won't be long after you begin that the monuments are on the patients." T II CONFLICTING INTERESTS. spare mel I." I am the DOCTORS' CONFIDENCES. I:I - I'I i i - i - i - i - i - father of a familyl" Haste Necessary. Assistant (in menagerie) Sir, it rains. Keeper Good heavens! Don't waste a minute, but take in that zebra. His color runs. SAID IN SOCIETY. "My dear, there is such a crush here simply crowded, you know!" "Why, who is here?" "Oh, nobody at all." MISCHIEVOUS MORTIMER; i - i - i - i - i - i - h - m - i - i - i - h Inexpert Criti cism. Clergyman (just come to parish) Tour neighbor Smith saya my sermons are rub bish. Parmer Ah, you needn't mind him. sir. He's merely a mouthpiece for other folks. The River Horse. Mrs. Browne At the circus, were you? Did you see the hippodrome races? Mrs. Malaprop No; they only had one hippodrome, an they kept that in a tank o' water in a cage. - Praise. Van Dabble This is my latest picture. I sold it yesterday. Visitor Indeed? You are a genius! Proof. "Was that bowl you just broke cut glass, Hannah?" "Was it, mum? Look at me fin. gers!" self.' The composer in his study is utterly bereft of ideas. Easily Answer ed. Sunday School Teacher Now, then, Willie, if a boy were to smite you upon one cheek what wouid you do? Willie Do him if he wasn't too big. ( Poor Pussy! "I'm sorry to have to mess your face so, kitty," said Tommy as he daubed pussy's face with jam, "but I can't have folks suspecting me." Helping: Jobs. Fred 7 John's wife helps him with his literary labors, doesn't she ? Fredericka Oh, yes; she cashes his checks. Would Recover. Ethel Do you think that George was struck by my beauty? Clara I hardly think he was se verely injured. Taken Literally. Her Father My daughter can nev er be yours. Her Lover That is obvious. I want her to be my wife. be "I understand Miss Fortyodd is writing a historical novel." "Well, she's certainly capable. She's getting somewhat historical her QD Not bereft of flies, however. 1 &tm S'? fe$ t -r-rftejs 'h x -St 1? M ,u O'Toole: "Phwat's it say, Tansey?" Tansey: "It sez it's de Calsium at Rome." O'Toole: "Will, it ain't finished, an' dere's no th' divil av a stroike an." FEMININE CHARITY. A DOG DAY MELODY. He also possesses sticky fly paper ruled for musical notation. AS O'TOOLE SAW IT. OR, HOW He notices the .flies gathering on the paper, when suddenly wan round. Dere must MADAM LOST A CUSTOMER. Nearly the Limit. Mr. Harduppe Bjohes is pretty mean, isn't he? Mr. Borrowell Mean? Why, that fellow is mean enough to have his name engrav ed on the handle of his umbrella! He Appreciated His Good Lucie. Bthel What a finely chiseled mouth you have! It ought to be on a girl's face. Jack I seldom miss an opportu nity. Favorite Left at Post. Slobbs What! She refused you ? Why, I thought you were the fa vorite. Blobbs Yes, but the favorite didn't win. A Natural Result Mamma What makes you so bad today? Little Dot I guess it's cause I was so good yestl day. he discovers that they present in manuscript a wonderful air an air that made the composer's repu tation. He Had a Job. Fred Now that our college days are over, What are you going to do for a living? Bob I have ac cepted a position with old man Got rox. Fred So? What kind of a position? Bob Son - in law. Timely Warn ing:. Bob Stayer Well, I believe I must be going. 'Miss Weery Perhaps you had better. The signal service predicts rain for tomor row. . A Dangerous Era. Tom We al ways ought to look pleasant. Jack That's so. We can't tell now adays who may have a camera concealed about him ready to catch us. Cause For Thanks. Mrs. Slimdiet Have you lost your appetite, Mr. De Boarder? Mr. De Boarder Yes, thank good H-l-l-H-Hl-l-l-H-W! IMII1I ill:i.,:..ii..i.,H..n-.H..t.,il,il.i..H,.r,il,I MOEE ABSENTMINDEDNESS AND Eitner One or the Other. . Professor From your experience in life how would you analyze Miss Katharine? Miss Katharine (briskly) bility, professor, is always great weakness or a sign strength. - - . I. - li. IV. , Wise Old Tom. ' "You seem to be afraid to fight now," sneered the neighbor's cat. 'No,", said old Tom, who had lost an eye in one of his numerous battles. "I am as brave as ever, but I have to be carefuL. I have only one eye to keep watch over my nine lives with now." amiability. Oh. amia a sign of of great , THE 'RESULT, y- . V,