12
THE TOPEKA DAILY STATE JOURNAL.
TOPEKA STATE JOURML
BY FRANK P. MAC LENNAN.
Issued for Every ay in the Year.
(Enured July 1, UTS. a second class
uttar at the pcstoffice at Topeka, Kan..
nder the act ef congress.
iVOLUME XXXII No. 241
Official Paper City of Topeka.
Official Paper Kansas State Federation
Women's Clubs.
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cation In Topeka.
I The State Journal receives for exclusive
f publication the leased wire report of the
Publishers' Press lor the edition for Sun
day morning-.
L The news is received in the State Jour
anal building over wires for this sole pur
fpose. Mrs. Russell Sage recently (rave $75,-
000 for a school, and Uncle Russ had
to work mighty hard to play even the
next day.
The board of treasury examiners re
cently certified that the state has
I J547.0OO In the First National bank.
But has It?
Since the Emporia Town Row has
fceen settled you will notice that Will
lam Allen White is lecturing on "The
Golden Rule."
If Mr. Rockefeller hjs any untaint
ed dollars why doesn't he make his
donations with them and use the
other kind in his business?
If we have a warm fall the coal
trust will, of course, expect us to pay
it enough more to make up for what it
loses because of warm weather.
The Democrats may be a little short
of national issues just now but there
is plenty of time for an issue factory
to do business between now and 1008.
If Secretary Taft should be the
.residential nominee the next Repub
lican platform would have to be a
mighty strong affair to sustain his
weight.
W. R. Hearst did his best to dodge
the municipal ownership people in
New York but they caught him and
forced their nomination for mayor
upon him in spite of his screams.
The claim of that New York thief
that h stole that $360,000 on a bet to
prove that he could, makes Tom Cor
)ry wonder why such a smart fellow
as Tom Kelly never thought of that
excuse.
Isn't it strange that Mr. Cleveland
should pick such a threadbare subject
as woman suffrage to talk about, when
he might tell us a lot of Interesting
things he has recently found out about
frenzied life Insurance?
A Chicago man claims to have been
driven to drink by his wife's new hat.
That is an excuse that other men had
not thought of. Very likely they will
be urging their wives to buy new hats
every few days In the future.
We have accused Mr. Rockefeller of
a good many things but thus far no
One has proved that he has taken any
of the insurance money that should go
to widows and orphans and has given
it to some political campaign fund.
President McCall is said to have
been a poor, barefoot boy at one time.
This may be true, and it is also im
portant in that it shows that some
poor men will graft just the same as
the rich when they get the chance.
Mr. Curtis says It is too early to an
nounce his senatorial candidacy.
That's the way Senator Long talked
ence upon a time. Perhaps Mr. Cur
tis picked up a few pointers about
running for senator the last time he
made the race.
"Scotty" has been to Death Valley
and made another "pile." While the
race of his Death Valley special was
an Interesting event, it is to be hoped
that he does not make quite as big a
fool of himself this, time as he did
with his last "pile."
The Ohio supreme court is hearing
a, few things about Mrs. Chadwick.
inasmuch as her appeal has reached
that tribunal. Of course the Ohio su
preme court doesn't read the papers
and it must be very much surprised
and shocked by this time.
Most of the senatorial candidates do
not greatly enthuse over the idea of
having the Republican state conven
tion nominate the candidate for Uni
ted States senator. Most of them will
be running for congress or some other
job at the same time, and it will look
omewhat nervy to run for two good
offices simultaneously.
In the opinion of the Hutchinson
News the Kansas towns that are mak
ing a fuss because the census report
showed that they have lost in popu
lation, ought to have "made a howl
when their lazy assessors were not do
ing their duty." Very likely Secre
tary Coburn would move to amend by
including some of the county clerks.
There was a real genteel bull fight
in a Los Angeles suburb the other
day, in which both men and animals
were padded like football players so
that none should get hurt. But, savs
the Los Angeles Express, "during the
fight a savage animal kicked a mata
dor in the stomach and otherwise was
real rude to him. This is an outra.ee
and the bull should be given a real
hard slap with a shingle."
THE TOPEKA REVIVAL.
It cannot be denied that Topeka is
undergoing a remarkable awakening.
Within the past ten days hundreds of
people, both men and women, have
been brought to openly declare their
desire to lead a better life, and thou
sands of others have been benefited
and made better.
It is doubtful if it were possible for
men to attend such services as have
been held In Topeka recently without
having their better natures stirred and
awakened within them a lonsinsr to
cease their wrong-doing, be it great or
small. Professing Christians need this
awakening as a rule as well as the
worst sinners, for many professing
Christians, notwithstanding good in
tentions, often fall far short of the
standards set by Him whom they pro
fess to follow.
There is a remarkable power in the
gospel of the Savior of men. Skeptics
may scoff at it, but it is there just the
same. It has made millions better
millions who have testified that it
gives a peace that comes from nothing
else. There are countless instances in
which it has taken drunkards from
the gutter and positive criminals from
their crime and reformed them.
It is doubtful if Topeka ever saw
such a revival as is now in nrosress
here. The sermons that have been
preached have been characterized by
simplicity but power. They have done
great good, and anything that makes
men better deserves the commenda
tion of all who have a desire to im
prove the world instead of making it
worse.
INSURANCE BLACKMAILERS.
In his testimony before the insur
ance investigation committee in New
York, President McCall of the New
York Life Insurance company com
plained that a large majority of the
bills affecting insurance that are intro
duced into the variuos legislatures are
blackmailing bills.
It is quite possible that this is true,
but if so, what has brought it about?
Are not men like McCall largely re
sponsible for it?
It is a well known fact at least it
has been commonly supposed to be the
case, and the testimony already
brought out in this investigation has
corroborated the supposition that the
big insurance companies put up large
funds with which to influence legisla
tion. In other words, the insurance
companies began corrupting legisla
tures by buying measures which they
wished passed.
How natural then arat corrupt and
dishonest legislators should take ad
vantage of this condition? When the
insurance companies did not have any
measure for which they wish to buy
votes, how natural it was that corrupt
men should "make" measures that the
companies should wish to buy votes
against. Every corruptionist was look
ing for "his share" of the corruption
fund, and if the insurance companies
did not make the opportunity to buy
him, he took pains to make the oppor
tunity himself.
The desire of these big companies to
do an illegitimate business, to make
more money than they should in order
to give the officers large "rake-offs,"
make them exceedingly vulnerable to
the legislative highwayman. The cor
rupt legislator or lobbyist studies to
And these 'weak points and he attacks
them. If these big corporations always
did a legitimate business it would not
be necessary for them to buy votes.
By being honest they could get all the
votes needed merely from a sense of
justice. The majority of the men in
the average legislature are not inten
tionally corrupt nad most of them will
not stand for the hold-up business in
legislation if they know it. These
highwaymen are so adroit that they
cover up their real purposes, of course,
and the insurance companies are so
corrupt and so vulnerable that they
dare not expose the hold-up bills.
If the insurance companies were
honest and always did a legitimate
business, exposing the legislative high
waymen, they would not be subjected
to sand-bagging legislation.
AN EASTERN VIEW.
The agitation of the pass question
in Kansas has attracted considerable
attention in the eastern press, and now
Governor Hoch's attitude is coming in
for some comment. Here is the opinion
expressed by the Springfield (Mass.)
Republican:
"Governor Hoch of Kansas has de
clared against the use of railroad
passes by public officials, and yet he
uses them himself. This inconsistency
he defends by the statement that he
has paid for his passes many times
over by the advertising he has Riven
the railroads in his newspaper, tne
Marion Record. At this distance the
defense looks like a foolish evasion of
the Issue. In his capacity as an editor
Governor Hoch might buy transporta
tion by means of railroad advertising
but on a proper business basis this
would not come to him in the form of
free passes. His ground is therefore
fatally weak The governor of Kansas
will do well to follow the example of
Governor Mickey of Nebraska, who
has returned his passes to the railroad
companies."
V Chat With Augustas.
Going to get married are you, Augus
tus? Going to take your own little
tootsy-wootsy by her lily-white hand
and sail away with her on an eternal
sea of bliss and honey. Bet you four
bits, my boy. that sometimes you will
think that the honey has been soured
and the bliss has turned to blister. Also
I will bet you that you will discover
that your tootsy-Wootsy's hands did
not become lily-white by washing the
dishes and scrubbing the kettles.
Hard-hearted old wretch to talk in
this way, am 1 not. my boy? No ro
mance left in me, or I could not do it
hey? I think that you are mistaken
Adolphus. There still is considerable
romance hidden beneath this pachy
dermatous skin of mine, but you still
are living in a "fool s paradise," and I
should sooner do something toward
awakening you from it gradually than
to see you awakened too suddenly.
You suggested to me that the girl
whom you are about to marry is an
angel, and It was evident that you ex
pected to be lulled to sleep by the rustle
of her wings. It follows that when you
discover that she has no noticeable
wings, and that you are kept from
sleep by the clatter of her elastic jaw.
you will be deeply pained. It is this
shock that I would spare you if I could.
Women are not angels. If they were
they would not give birth to such crit
ters as you and me. They are merely
human beings, as full ot-faults as vir
tues, and about the utmost that can be
said for them is that they generally are
worthy of a better man than the one
whom they marry.
You would readily admit that this Is
all true except in the case of your
own remarkable tootsy-wootsy. Well,
wait a while, and see what happens.
San Francisco Call.
JOURNAL ENTRIES
Secretary Coburn reports that To
peka has lost 1,333 in population since
last year according to the returns made
to him by the county authorities. Isn't
this enough to call forth a set of
burning resolutions from the 75,000
club?
v
The Red Headed club at Washburn
ought not to have any trouble getting
all sorts of favors from the congress
man of the new Eighth district.
A poet In the Chicago Tribune makes
news of her" rhyme with "character."
sn't that putting a pretty severe strain
on the license of that particular poet?
Very likely the bulletins concerning
yellow fever foci will soon be displaced
by those about yellow insurance foci.
'The wise man." says the pointed
paragrapher of the Chicago News,
aoesn t waste any ttme arguing witn
the prise lighter." But doesn't the
prize fighter waste still less arguing
with a wise man ?
Experience teaches that the best way
tor a girl's parents to get her to like a
man is to oppose her going with him.
JAYHAWKER JOTS
The Iola Record sueeests that Judge
Flannelly of Oswego would be a good
man to run the Topeka woolen mills.
The Salina Union complains that big
juicy grasshoppers on the sidewalk are
more slippery than the far-famed banana
peel.
A Sumner county pear tree is working
overtime this year. It is now growing
the second crop of the year and is com
mencing to bloom for the third time.
The muse of the Ottawa Republic
pipes out this lyric: "When the frost
is on the pumpkin and the fodder's in
the shock, the plumber gets his ham
mer out and begins again to knock."
According to the Winfleld Courier the
school house pump in a Sumner county
district refused to work. An investiga
tion showed a snake two and a half feet
long above the lower valve, and the
people who have been using the water
wonder how Ions: the snake had been
there.
In speaking of the recent advance step
taken by the State Journal and Cap-
tal, the Cawker City Ledger says:
'Those Topeka papers are up-to-date
all right. It won't be long before they
will be printing two or three editions
each day." The Ledger evidently does
not know that the State Journal has
been printing four editions each day
for several years.
A young West Point officer recently
told an Atchison girl some of the ex
periences a new man at west .foint is
put through, and the Globe repeats some
of them. He said that a West Pointer's
first year was one lonK succession of
horror; that a man who had distinguish
ed kin suffered more than some poor
unknown. He says that when Captain
Hobson's brother entered West Point
the West Pointers made him take a
toy ship and sink it again and again
in a puddle of water; that General
Sheridan had a relative there, and he
was compelled to ride a hobby horse
around crying: "Sheridan, forty miles
away." A young relative of General
Grant's had to hold a paper wad be
tween his shoulders as he leaned up
against the wall, and exclaimed: "I
will hold this wad It It takes all sum
mer," in imitation of a famous remark
of General Grant'.. And when the young
fellows at West Point could get hold
of a home paper belonging to a brand
new Wrest Pointer, they aaaea to nis
torture by making him learn by heart
the complimentary notices written
about him when he left home. Many of
the local papers would express the wish
that the young fellow's name might be
enrolled In the hall of fame, all of
which the poor wretched West Pointer
had to learn and recite amid the whoops
of his tormentors.
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchison Globe.)
The Mysterious Man never turns out
to be a cood man.
Remember while you think you are
aggressive, others probably think you
are a knocker.
When a man says he has "an equity"
in a piece of property, it means ne
hasn't much interest.
The dressmakers can tell far ahead
if the season is to be gay, but it takes
the milkmen to tell what particular
week.
An Atchison baker today played a
mean trick on the flies: he made a pie,
and the top of it was of fly paper.
What has become of the old fashioned
farmer who imagined he earned a living
for three or four town people?
After a woman has been married for
a few years to a man who moves often.
she hates even an orator who nas mov
ing powers.
You know how people kick: at the
park last night a woman complained
because she couldn't hear the bands In
the moving pictures.
There is no waste time that worries a
man half so much as the few seconds
he spends waiting for Central to answer
the telephone.
Dear, but we'd hate to be so mean!
A pretty visiting girl in town recently
proved so fascinating to the men that
five home girls have ruined their com
plexions crying about it.
A school teacher asked a dull boy:
A man has seven children. If he should
get seven more, how many would he
have?" The boy scratched his head
a while, and replied: "Well. I can't
just flgger it out, but he'd have enough
all right."
A book entitled. "How to Become
Young After You Think You Are Old,"
has just been printed. Tnere is no way
to become young after you think you
are old. Old people may buy such a
book, but as a matter of fact, it will do
them no eood.
They tell of an Atchison man and
his bride who went away to a lonely
cottage in th woods to be All Alone
with their happiness. On the second
day the groom said. "Wouldn t It be
nice if some friend came along?" and
the bride sighed, "Yes, or even an
enemy."
If we had so much time we could
stay in bed. and know that supper
would be breakfast when we got up;
if all the clocks were stopped, and time
was all and everything; If assured that
Death would forget us. and we would
spend an eternity on earth, we do not
believe we would have time to read any
of W. J. Bryan's predictions, letters or
I advice.
KANSAS COMMENT
THE WAY OF THE JOINTIST.
In a few days twelve men selected
from among the voters of Montgom
ery county will be asked to pass upon
the guilt or innocence of the j'ointlsts
who have been arrested recently for
violating the prohibitory law in
Coffeyville and Caney. It is a well
t known fact that these men expect
to escape either through the lack of
evidence tq convict, some technicality,
the indulgence of an influenced Jury,
or the leniency of the court. They
were permitted to go unpunished a
year ago on promise that they would
abandon the business. They broke
faith with the court. Since then they
have been repeatedly arrested and
enjoined. They have as often laughed
the court to scorn. Some of them are
now under contempt proceedings.
They have made a laughing stock of
the court and defied the law. They
have had their inning. For them a
sadder page is to be written. For no
self-respecting court can permit such
flagrant disrespect of its orders to
pass unpunished. If the jury which
sils in judgment at the trial of these
men does its duty an object l.esson
will be given to evil-doers in Mont
gomery county which must have a
wholesome effect so long as the pres
ent judge occupies the bench. Some
years ago a similar condition existed
in another state. The court gave each
man convicted the full penalty. A
number of prominent men enriched
the county treasury several thousand
dollars and kept the county jail from
falling into decay from the lack of
use. That was the end of joints -fn
that county. Independence Reporter.
WHERE, OH, WHERE?
The State Journal asks: "What has
become o the Mother Florence Me
morial that Governor Hoch started?"
It is probably sleeping peacefully with
the other numerous things talked
about by our "great business adminis
tration." Fort Scott Republican.
o
A POINTER.
W. R. Stubbs announces that he will
be a candidate for United States sena
tor if he can secure the election with
out a scramble. He evidently thinks
the senatorship should be tendered him
on a golden platter. He will discover,
however, that senatorships art riot
handed around in that fashion and
that if he wants to sret there he will
have to get out and get a hustle on
ihim to even get into the "also ran"
class Wellington Mail.
IT NEVER RAINS THERE.
Chief Rain-in-the-Face, confessed
before his death that he killed General
Custer. He left this in writing, signed
by himself: "I killed him. I was so
close that I saw the powder that
blackened his face." He is a eood In
dian now, and it will never rain in hia
face again. Chanute Sun.
THE REAL THING.
It can no longer be said that Kansas
has not been touched by Grecian cul
ture. Louis Charowhas and Johanna
Schmidt were married at Topeka last
week and the Grecian ceremony was
used. Independence Reporter.
o
NO LONGER A "FARCE."
They are carrying the joke pretty
far in Emporia. The officials are go
ing to call on the carpet the men who
sign applications for liquor, of the
drug stores too frequently. Con
cordia Kansan.
THE POINT OF VIEW.
Since the manager of the Madison
apartment house has made war on the
American woman's best friend, the ki
mono, will not some other intrepid
soul arise and do battle with other
follies in woman's dress? Yes, and far
graver follies than that of the kimono.
For the kimono, though it may not be
the correct costume for corridor prom
enades, is harmless enough. But could
we say as much for all garments worn
by women ? Take, for instance, the
full dress costume, which is the only
correct thing for evening wear. Sup
pose a fair dweller in the Madison
apartments should come down to an
swer the telephone in such a costume?
Would the management object? Hard
ly! Such gowns worn about that
building would give tone to the house
and increase the value of the apart
ments. Yet how much more immodest
it appears to a member of the great
unwashed, not trained to look with ap
proval upon the display of neck, arms
and bust with which the elect are wont
to honor the populace. The kimono,
though it is loose and bag-like, at least
covers its wearer up. Detroit Journal.
THE HELLO GIRL.
We have all felt at times that the
telephone still lacks a great deal to be
a perfect machine, that there Is inat
tention, poor connection, needless delay
and somtimea almost impudence in
the telephone service, but how few
ever feel that It is not an automatic
that they are using, that the voice they
hear answerlnsr their impatience is
not part of the machine, that tnere is
a personal equation to be considered.
a woman away off somewhere In the
unidentified "central" who has feelings
and self-respect, just as other women
have: a woman who will recognize a
cross tone just as quickly as if she
were visibly present, and a woman
entitled to respectful treatment, Just
as much as if she were in her own
home. The fact that you can stand
miles away and talk into her ear does
not detract from her right to the kind
word and civil treatment. Jersey City
Journal.
o
CAN THROW IT STRAIGHT.
It is said that a woman never hits
anything when she throws a rock, but
she smashes the target when she
throws a hint. Dallas News.
MAKE IT GRANDFATHERS.
The country has its eye on Phila
delphia. Well, we shall show them
that the Philadelphia of our fathers
still lives. Philadelphia Press.
ALWAYS THE WAY.
Mr. Cutting reminds all parties that
he has been and will be always ready
to fuse when he can do so on his own
terms. Newark Evening News.
c
TAMMANY DOING IT.
If Leader Charles F. Murphy, of
Tammany Hall, isn't personally con
ducting the anti-Tammany fusion
scheme, some clever understudv of his
must be supervising the job. Hart
ford Times.
NOT COUNTING FINANCIERS.
Eight hundred robberies have been
reported to the police in New York city
since July 1. This shows that the
smaller robbers have not been idle
there, either. Chicago Tribune.
MAYBE.
The president will probably take a
long rest after he leaves the White
House, and will cot need to worry as
to the future. He has an example in
Grover Cleveland, who seems to be do
ing very well in private life. Utica
Press.
FROM OTHER PENS
FATHER TIME DEFENDED.
Time a thief? No. never 1
Time's an honest wight,
Gracious, tender, clever.
Far from dark affright.
What he takes is taken
Not in wrath and gloom;
For the fruit that's shaken
Other fruit will bloom!
For the hasty learning.
Illy tempered zeal.
Tolerance discerning
Time will us reveal!
For the sole reliance.
Bruited loud abroad.
On the strength of science.
Comes the thought of God!
New Orleans Times Democrat.
Postal Card Fad.
The souvenir postal fad is growing
until it threatens to tear all the bands
that have hitherto kept Cosmos from
bursting. Mr. Joseph Goldman, of New
York, declares that his house alone
sells $2,000,000 a year In Europe, in
postal cards, and $500,000 a year in this
country.
"But the souvenir is yet in its in
fancy in this country," he added.
"Europe has been enjoying the craze
for years, and we are making souv
enir cards for practically every eoun
try on the face of the globe. For in
stance, we make cards oearins scenes
of farthest Alaska. Of course, we don t
make them for sale in Alaska, because
the lone traveler in some lost canon
hasn't time to stop his reindeer to buy
a postal card but we put them on sale
in large cities, for the benefit of col
lections. This breach of the postal
card erase has grown immensely, and
now the country is full of collectors,
who buy in lots of WJ6 or more when
ever they can run across a fresh line
and put them by with their other
thousands. Yes, the collecting fad has
taken a firm grip and is hanging on
with the tendency of a bulldog that
has obtained a jaw -hold on some un
wary tramp.
"We are getting out a new line in
Baltimore now souvenir cards of be
fore and after the fire, and views of
your prettiest corners and most fam
ous markets in history. Our photog
rapher comes on in advance of the
line, gets an assortment of pictures
and turns them in to be done up in
colors. He works the same way every
where, and we have photographers on
the road now wherever there is any
thing to photograph." Baltimore
Npm.
Some Big Families.
John Gully, grandfather of the ex
speaker of the British house of com
mons, had twenty-four children. A
year ago a Northampton (England)
shoemaker entered as his plea in the
police court that he was the father of
thrty-two children, of whom twenty
seven were living. Twenty- years ago
an English city boasted of a couple
wno were tne nappy mmci aim re
lighted mother of thirty-three child
ren." ten of them being alive in 1890.
But the record in family numbers is
believed to belong to Scotland. It is
that of a Scotch weaver In the seven
teenth century, whose wife bore him
sixty-two children. Only twelve died
in childhood, forty-six sons and four
daughters living to be 21 and upward.
This almost incredible record Is said
to be fully and absolutely authenticat
ed. Sir John Bowes and three other
gentlemen each adopted and reared
ten of this prodigious family.
A century ago there died In Jamaica
a woman named Mills. Her age was
given as 118 and she was followed to
the erave bv 29b OI ner cnuareri.
grandchildren. great-grandchildren
and great-great-grandchildren no
. i ajwtf rf -cL-Viom all named
lewtri luaii aw " .
Ebanks. belonged to the regiment or
militia tor sr. iLiizauem
cago News.
Badge of the Profession.
The following story, as told by a
friAnrt of F. HoDkinson Smith, has
been going the rounds concerning his
earlier days:
"Occasionally he used to come to the
restaurant where we ate our care
fully calculated dinners a figure tall,
immaculately dressed, and with a fine
air. We had long admired him from
a distance, wondering who he wsjs,
and whv a man of such obvious im
portance should dine in so modest a
place.
"One day after a week's absence he
came in and sat down at the table
opposite with so grand a manner that
our curiosity overcame our courtesy.
"With a subtle gesture we called
Sadie, the waitress.
" 'Why,' said she, 'his name is
Smith.'
" 'Well,' we insisted, 'what does he
do for a living?"
" 'I'm not sure,' she replied, 'but I
think he is a writer fellow. Anyway,
he never seems to have much
money.' " New York Times.
The Reason for It.
The infant terrible in a West End
home "got even" with mater-familias
recently, though she had to wait some
months to do so. One Saturday the
infant terrible was entertaining a
young man of her own age at hot
house. She was dancing about in glee,
and her mother asked what made her
so happy. "No school today," she said
gleefully; "no school today." Her
mother looked sternly at the child and
said: "But you have got to take a
bath." The young lady felt quite mor
tified before her guest. Recently there
was "some company" at the same West
End home. A gentleman congratulat
ed the hostess on her excellent ap
pearance. The infant terrible was close
at hand, and explained: "It's 'cause
ma has had a bath." There were
blushes which could be seen. Alb- ny
Journal.
Washington Clerks.
One of the Washington correspond
ents has made the startling discovery
that some of the clerks in the depart
ments at the capital are as industrious
and expert loafers as may be found
anywhere outside of a village livery
st.-ihie This, however, as a discovery
will hardly rank with the finding of
America or the digging up of the
Kohinoor diamond. It fact, some peo
ple not a bit brighter than they look
had long suspected it. There is no
case on record w here a clerk In Wash
ington has gone out with a search
warrant looking for work. If it knock
ed at his door he might tell it to call
around next day or If he were in the
mood he might tell it to chase itself.
If the clerk gets around on pay day
and he does he can't see that there is
anything else for him to do but go
home to vote occasionally. Let us be
reasonable with the clerks. They are
only human; at least we should judge
so from their actions. Chicago News.
One at Lord Denbigh's Expense.
This story is told of Lord Den
bigh's visit to Boston with the Hon
orable Artillery company of London:
One day while passing the Old
Granary burying ground Lord Den
bigh turned to Governor Bates and
"What is going on over there? I
have noticed that these churchyards
of yours seem to be the scene of some
strange activity."
"Oh. that's one phase of the mining
craze," replied the governor.
"What, grubbing for gold in a
churchyard? Why, that's vandalism."
"Oh, it's not gold these grubbers are
after; it's ancestors," was the gov
ernor's reply, with a smile. Boston
Herald.
THE EVENING STORY
HER NEW GOWN.
Florence stood before the pier glass.
Small Phyllis sat up in bed. Florence s
expression was meditative. Phyllis
looked unmixed admiration.
"It cost a hundred dollars," mur
mured Florence. .
"It s lovelier than anything." breatn
ed Phyllis, in awe.
The gown enveloped Florence like a
sunset cloud. It should have been de
scribed in terms of rosy mists and sil
ver ebullitions. The bill, however,
dealt only with oold actualities. "Gown
of ash pink: chiffon and under robe of
white peau de cygne," read the bill.
Further over, in conspicuous isolation,
were the figures, "$100."
Florence pursued the study of the
pier glass and gradually her mood re
laxed. "As you no doubt know, Phyl
lis," she pensively remarked, "a maid
of honor is some one whose dress is
described in the society column the
morning after. Well, for three succes
sive weddings Miss Florence Lock
hart, maid of honor, has 'looked radl-
nnt in . whit soft silk, that flOWec
in graceful folds' and so forth. That
white silk of mine was getting deadly
monotonous. I shall relieve many
wearied readers. I shall at last look
raidant in something else."
Phyllis' smile was amiable but
vaeue.
"Only," continued Florence, "father
aoirt it must not cost more than $50,
and, however I put it, $100 is just
twice fiftv."
Meditation, tinctured with gloom,
again possessed her. Without enthus
iasm she removed the sunset cloud and
spread it on the chinta rocker, to be
called for later.
Phyllis watched the operation. She
then submitted to the ceremonial of
tucking in.
"And remember," said Florence, as
a final inducement to immediate slum
ber, "I am going to put a piece of
wedding cake under your pillow for
you to dream on."
But when Florence had left the room
Phyllis again sat up in bed. Wedding
cake, according to her Idea, was not
stuff made to dream on. She decided
to remain awake and put her portion to
a better use.
Small Phyllis retired with the birds,
and there were still faint glimmerings
of daylight in her room. The pink
gown lay temptingly outspread on the
chintz rocker. Slowly she crept from
bed and approached. She touched the
soft chiffon with reverent fingers. She
lifted it gently and smoothed the silky
under robe. Soon familiarity bred
feminine desires, and Phyllis tried on
the waist. There was no criticism
whatever to be found with the fit, and
the absence of sleeves and the low-cut
neck delighted her soul.
She grew bolder, tried on the skirt,
finally turning it inside out in her zeal
for becoming effects.
By this time it was dark and nothing
could be seen but the faint white glim
mer of her last artistic arrangement.
Reluctantly Phyllis returned to bed,
there to await as patiently as might
be the advent of wedding cake.
However, the vigil soon ended and
Phyllis slept. That was even before
Florence burst Into the room like a
whirlwind.
"Late, as usual," she moaned to her
self. "That's 3 striking now, and the
ceremony's nearly due. I'll keep them
all waiting. Where's that miserable
gown? Won't father take my head off!
But perhaps when he sees how really
lovely it is oh, these hooks! The idea
of dressing in the dark anyhow! But
I haven't a second's time and the gas
might waken Phyllis and she would be
sure to delay me. Everything was all
right, though, when I tried it on this
afternoon, and I can look In the glass
when I get there."
But she didn't. She was excitedly
seized by the bridal party and thrust
into line. She passed dizzily up the
aisles with the usual creeps and tre
mors of stage fright. She followed
the dread ceremony in the same flush
ed and eager way. She kissed the
bride Hurriedly, whisked .in to see the
presents, hustled out again for a salad
and ice in the dining room, talked in
coherent nothings to hundreds of
euests who replied in kind. In short,
she enjoyed her first lucid interval on
the way home In the carriage.
"There." she sighed, "I forgot Phyl
lis' wedding cake after all."
It is a fact that lucidity does not al
ways bring happiness. The next
thought was of her father. "I'll tell
him, tonight," said Florence. "I
couldn't sleep If I didn't. Perhaps
when he sees how really lovely it
is "
It was a desperate hope.
Florence threw back her long car
riage cloak and entered her father's
study with a brave front.
"Why, daughter!" were his first
words. "I thought you were going to
have a new gown tonight. I thought
you had laid aside $50 "
But Florence's expression checked
him. She was gazing at herself In
horror. From her shoulders to the floor
and sweeping far behind. the lamp
light shimmered on white peau de
cygne. "Horrors!" she murmured, "I
have the gown on wrong side out."
The following morning readers of
the society column perused it again:
"The maid of honor. Miss Florence
Lockhart, looked radiant in a soft
white silk that flowed in graceful
folcJa."
But it was all the same to small
Phyllis. Chicago News.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
From the Chicago News.
Burglars who rifle safes should be
shotgunned.
Many a lawyer has discovered that a
wife's word is law.
Listen when two women quarrel if
you would hear the truth.
The size of the lion's share depends
upon the size of the lion.
It is usually safe to judge a woman
by the things she doesn't say.
Many a man's winning ways are due
to the way he deals the cards.
No, Cordelia, the milk of human kind
ness isn't dispensed from cans.
If you are wise today you can afford
to risk being otherwise tomorrow.
A practical joker is one who possesses
the ability to turn his jokes into cash.
A small boy's idea of greatness is to
be able to lick another boy a slse
larger.
True, the pen may be mightier than
the sword, but the pencil isn't much
good without the help of a knife.
Too many men use up all their relig
ion on Sunday and consequently have
none left for the balance of the week.
ftEFLECTJOlNS OF A BACHELOR
From the New York Press.
It is awful hard to believe all the
things you want your children to.
Once in a while two people stay
married because they love each other.
There is always some part of a
woman's figure that she feels is a great
credit to her.
A man has to love a girl an awful lot
to think that a cold in the head is be
coming to her.
A bachelor thinks that running an
automobile is very extravagant until he
tries to run a family.
THE MOUNTAINS.
Oh. the mvsterv of the mountains!
With their caves and moss-rimmed
..springs,
where no trespasser hsa ventured.
Save soft-footed wild wood things;
There are heights no man has conquered.
And delights no sool has found.
Treasure land of Joy and romance
Is that high, enchanted ground.
E. A; Lente In Four-Track New,
HUMOR OF THE DAY
"My new theater," boasted the man
ager, "is absolutely fireproof. Stag,
walls, seats, even the curtain all
made of steel."
"You have overlooked one thing,"
objected the Insurance man. "I at
tended the show last night and ob
served that your actors are unde
niably wooden. It's a bad risk."-
Cleveland Leader.
"The policy holders must have a
voice in the management of the Insur
ance companies." declared the vocif
erous citizen.
"Now, look here." said the life in
surance official. "Do you think th
policy holders have any business capa
bilities?" "Why, certainly. I. myself, have
thought out half a dozen good graft
ing schemes." Philadelphia Evening
Bulletin.
"Thar's no tellin' what big thing
are in store for us, said the old man.
'A feller mav be raised an' born tc
the ox-cart, an' yit. who knows but
he may yit be run over by a $3,000
automobile, an git his plctur' In the
papers jest like the fellers that run
away with the bank's funds." At
lanta Constitution.
Wagger They say that old Cbu
ponnes, the banker, has untold wealth.
Gagger Yes, that's what the tax
collector suspects. Town Topics.
"I made an awful faux pas last
night." said Mrs. Oldcastle.
"Did you?" replied her hostess.
"I've been wantin' to make one for a
long time, but, I ain't been able to get
a pattern. Whose did you have?"
Chicago Record-Herald.
Gyer my brother has been greatly
benefited by patent medicines.
Myer So? What kind did he take?
Gyer Oh, he didn't take any. He's
a druggist. Chicago Dally News.
"Mary Anne, didn't I hear you kiss
that policeman in the kitchen last
night?"
"I hope not, mum." Chicago Jour
nal. At last there arose in the halls of
legislation a statesman who seemed to
have something like a good idea.
He introduced a bill providing a se
vere punishment for anyone who agi
tated fool legislation, such as taxing
bachelors, abolishing tips, regulating
the size of women's hats and similar
freak laws.
Whereupon the ajuthors of bills to
tax bachelors, pension old maids, com
pel women to wear divided skirts and
to alight from street cars properly,
prohibiting lovamaking in parks, and
so forth, denounced him as a three-ply
idiot and a trampler upon the Inherent
rights of his fellow-men. Judge.
Mr. Blower Doctor, 1 am getting
too stout. Can you suggest something
to reduce my weight?
Dr. Wise Yes; nothing reduces
flesh quicker than worry. Just spend
a. few hours every day thinking that
your bill will just be twenty." San
Francisco Call.
Whenever you hear people say:
"She has a lovely character."
You know she's homely, right away,
And ask no further news of her.
Chicago Tribune.
Howell A man Is considered In
nocent until he is proved guilty.
Powell Single man, aren t you?
Smart Set.
"Hey, kid! See dat man wid de
long neck?"
"Yep."
"Betcher he's de president of da
rubber trust."
"I understand Mrs. Vick-Senn and
her husband had some high words yes
terday."
"It's true so far as it relates to her.
He may have had a few words also,
but he didn't get a chance to use
them." Chicago Tribune.
The hot wave now doth pass away
And leave us all unvexed.
The weather bureau will display
The cold wave signal next.
Cleveland Leader.
"How did you find out you could
draw?" inquired the admirer of the
celebrated illustrator.
"By the marks I received in school
for the excellence and fidelity of my
work," replied the eminent one. "My
work was a caricature of my beloved
teacher on the blackboard and the
marks came from the teacher's cane."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
" 'Blessed are the peacemakers,' "
quoted the moralizer.
"Oh, I don't know," rejoined the de
moralizer. "When a man attempts to
make peace between a hui-band and
wife what he usually gets doesn't
sound like a blessing to me." Chicago
NWS.
"You wouldn't believe, would you,"
she asked with a cunning little sim
per, "that I have a uaughter who is
nearly as tall as I am?"
"No." he answered, thinking of
something else, "is she married or sin
ale?" Yet he wondered why she turned her
back to him to talk to a foolish-looking
old man who dyed his goatee.
Chicago Record-Herald.
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
From the Philadelphia Record.
"Hands up!" exclaimed the clock as
it struck the noon hour.
A gridiron end a piece of toast will
make the bravest bird quail.
To make hay while the sun shines
you must get up before sunrise.
Water pipes will soon be Indulging in
their annual game ot freeze out.
It Isn't safe to judge a man's exper
ience by the advice he gives.
A young girl should remember that It
isn't rings that make the belle.
Bread may be the staff of life, but
the average man is out for the dough.
When the parlor entertainer sings
"Coming Through the Rye" it generally
drives us to drink.
Somehow or other the fellow who per
sists in singing his own praise never
seems to lose his voice.
The pen may be mightier than the
sword, but when it comes to cutting
remarks where does the tombstone
artist come In?
Wigg "They tell me Sllilcus is op
erating In the stock market. He's
pretty green, isn't her' Wagg "He
used to be, but now I understand he
has been done up brown."
"Do have some more chicken, Mr
Starboarder," exclaimed the landlidy
"It is very good." "Pardon me for con
tradicting you," replied Mr. Starboarder,
"but I have always been led to believe
that the good die young."