The Topeka state journal. [volume], November 26, 1905, EDITION FOR SUNDAY, Page 14, Image 14

About The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980

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THE TOPEKA DAILY STATE JOURNAL. SUNDAY MORNING.
TOPEKA STATE JOURNAL.
BT FRANK P. MAC LENN'AN.
Issued for Every Day in the Year.
Entttd July 1, 18T8. as stcond elaaa
atter at the pcstofrtce at Topeka, Kan..
nar the act of contra -1
VOLUME XXXII No. 289
Official Paper City of Topcka.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.
Week Imy Edition and Edition for Sun
day Morning
10 Cents Per Week Everywhere.
City, 'x'own or Country.
TELEPHONES.
Business Office , Bell 107
Business Office Ind. 107
Reporters- Room Bell 677
Reporters" Room Ind 53
frank P. MacLennan Ind. 700
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT OP
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS EVERY
WEEK DAY AND PUBLISHERS'
PRESS REPORT OX SATURDAY
XIGHT FOR THE EDITION FOR
SUNDAY MORNING.
The State Journal Is a member of the
Associated Press und receives the full day
learaph report of that great news or
ganization for exwiuslve evening publi
cation !n Topeka.
The State Journal receives for exclusive
Publication the leased wire report of tne
Publishers Press for the edition for Sun
day morning;.
The news is received In the State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur
pose. t .. . . - -
You will notice that next year's wheat
Brop has been pretty thoroughly saved
Ihe past week
governmental red
i the appendix, so
Do you remember the resolve you
made last year to do your Christmas
chopping early hereafter? Well?
now look
attend a
summer
pea
exr
The president was appealed to to take
the tariff off of hides, but it seems that
he got mixed up and took the hide off of
Mr. Whitney instead.
If those Massaclu
eluding Governor Dot
bly infuriated at th
let them go barefoo
show it.
people, in
are so terri
iff on hides,
or awhile to
As a preliminary to building that
Nicaraugunn canal, th English and
Japs might begin to argue whether it
ahall be a sea level or lock canal. That's
a good thing to fight about.
It is somewhat embarrassing for Billy
Morgan to call attention to the fact that
the Kansas City club that cheered for
Taft for president a few nights ago is
the same club that cheered for Warner
or the same job the week before.
The government is taking a practical
method of showing its dislike for rail
road rates. It is marching the Sixth
artillery from Fort Leavenworth to Fort
Bam Houston, a little matter of a thou
sand miles.
"Very likely Prince Louis thinks he has
been in America, when the fact is that
he has only been in New York, and New
"fork Is not America by about eighty per
cent.
So far as the railroad magnates are
concerned the Dresident can cut out
few of those twenty thousand words if
he likes, or he can out out the whole
message and not offend them any.
John D. Rockefeller has just found
cut that he can eat cheese and he be
wails the fact that he has lived all
these years and allowed a lot of cheese
to go to waste. There Is also a lot of
other fun that Jondee has missed.
Inasmuch as Mr. Rockefeller has an
Income of $20,000,000 from Standard Oil
and as much more from other sources.
It seems likely at this time that he wi!
be able to keen the wolf from the door
during the winter.
As we understand it, the beef trust did
not do it. but it thinks that Inasmuch as
It pleaded guilty it" ought not to be pun
ished because it thought Mr. Garfield
promised it immunity. There you have
It.
President McCurdy will pay himself
only $75,000 a year hereafter. Why
doesn't Attorney Hughes ask him if he
could get that salary anywhere else?
That's a good way to test a man's earn
ing abilities.
When the sultan locks up his office at
night and goes home to his family and
Ills wives ask him If he got any mall
during the day, how much he must en
Joy handing out a brand new ultimatum
from The Powers each evening!
If the Isle of Pifies cannot get any
body to take it in out of the wet it
might start up in business as a nation
itself. By doubline un there mlirht ho
enough people to fill the offices, provid
ing the army could get along without
any privates.
The presidents of the insurance com
panies denied any knowledge about their
companies' affairs, and now the minor
officials do not seem to be overburdened
with knowledge. The amount of Ignor
ance prevalent among insuranc0onlcials
Is something appalling.
An eastern exchange points out that
If Murphy had not refused to endorse
Jerome for re-election as district attor
ney in New York, McClellan would have
been re-elected mayor by a tremendous
plurality. That Is quite probably true,
but Murphy wished Jerome out of the
office of district attorney almost as
much as he wished McClellan re-elected
as mayor. He tried to get both wishes.
He lost one and almost lost the other.
Have you noted the unanimity with
which the Individuals who used to hate
Joseph L. Bristow in Washington have
gotten into trouble? Those who esoa-l
while Mr. Bristow was in the postoffice
department have mixed up more or kss
with trouble since. Among them is one
Robert J. Wnne. He is the party who
was po8tmaster general for a brief time
and who did all he could to embarrass
Bristow. His chief grievance was that
Bristow knew too much about the de
partment, and that members of congress
went to the fourth assistant postmaster
general for information instead of to
Mr. Wynne. Wynne finally "resigned"
and was given a berth in London as
consul general. He has recently been
called home to testify in regard to some
postal frauds, and it is whispered in
Washington that he may not go back to
his post.
A SERMON FOR TODAY.
Enter into his gates with thanksgiving,
and Into his courts with praise; be thank
ful unto him, and bless his name. Psalm
100:4.
There is a popular idea that Thanks
giving was first instituted by the Pil
grim Fathers on "the bleak New Eng
land coast" a little less than three cen
turies ago, when. In their gratitude for
peace and prosperity in their new
found home, they set apart a day of
thanksgiving and praise.
But this was by no means the first
thanksgiving. Other peoples had done
the same before, and It did not become
an annual custom, even in the Massa
chusetts Bay colony, until many years
thereafter. And it has only been
within the last forty years that it has
become customary for the president
of the United States to set apart the
last Thursday in November as Thanks
giving day. It was first done by Presi
dent Lincoln in gratitude for victories
given the union arms during the dark
days of lSG2-'63. and since then it has
become an annual custom.
Centuries ago, however, a great
monarch issued a thanksgiving procla
mation. It is recorded in the one
hundredth psalm, and it is a model in
its spirit and brevity. Here -it is as
issued by King David:
".Make a joyful noise unto the Lord,
all ye lands. Serve the Lord with
gladness: come before his presence
with singing. Know ye that the Lord,
he is God: it is he that hath made us,
and not we ourselves: we are his peo
ple and the sheep of his pasture.
"Enter into his gates with thanks
giving, and into his courts with praise:
be thankful unto him, and bless his
name. For the Lord is good; his
mercy everlasting; and his truth to
all generations."
The spirit of the Thanksgiving sea
son is one of joy and feasting. In its
festivities the pessimist has no place.
It is a time for recounting the bless
ings of life, to measure how greatly
they outweigh its miseries. It is a
time to look on the bright side instead
of on the dark. And the normal In
dividual, as he realizes how greatly
he is favored, will naturally be filled
with a feeling of gratitude.
We as a nation and state have great
cause for gratitude In this year of
prosperity and peace. Never before
has the earth yielded so bountifully of
its fruits. The aggregate value of this
year's crops has never before been
equalled. There is prosperity from
one end ot tne iaria 10 iue uluci.
Especially are we of the Great West
favored. Our banks are overflowing
with wealth, and we have unlimited
resources besides.
It is true that we are confronted
with serious national problems, but
even those should be a cause for
thanksgiving; for we nave strong,
courageous men to solve them, and
without meeting and conquering diffi
culties there can be no national prog
ress. It sometimes requires adversity to
make us realize how great are our
blessings. It was the troubles and
bloodshed of the civil war that
brought about the observance of
Thanksgiving day as a national cus
tom. Often, as individuals, we do not
realize our success and prosperity un
til reversals and adversity overtake us.
We have been spared these in 1905.
While other nations have been cursed
with famine and war, we have had
none of these. Truly America has
great cause for thanksgiving during
the coming Thanksgiving season.
KANSAS LEADERSHIP.
Although Kansas is still a compara
tively young commonwealth, wherever
you may go in this broad land you will
frequently find a formerly-of-Kansas
man among the leaders of his commun
ity. This would not be so surprising if
Kansas were an old state like Ohio, or
New York, or even Iowa, but Kansas
is not old. The first generation of
Kansans even have not all passed from
the scene where they started a new
state, and Kansas lacks much of hav
ing reached the point where it will
make Its greatest Impress upon the na
tion's history.
Yet Kansas is always at the front. It
was a Kansas regiment which won the
greatest laurels in the Philippines. A
Kansas boy was the first to scale the
ancient wall of Pekln when the
armies of Christendom marched against
the Boxers. Of the medals awarded by
congress for heroism and gallant ser
vice in all the Spanish-American war
and the svibsequent troubles in the
Philippines one-seventh went to Kan-cans-There
seems to be something about
the ozene of the prairies that makes
leaders of those who breathe It. As an
instance: Something over a dozen years
ago a youngster lived up at Bird city
in the extreme northwestern corner of
the state, a region that even now Is
regarded as the extreme limit of.clvili
zatlon. He was a joyous, irrepressiole
youth, with an arm that manifested a
disposition to put speed and a curve on
a baseball, and when the Bird uy
"nine" went over to "wipe up the
earth" with St. Francis it was Gene
Antrim's curves that did the business.
Later he went to Salina to attend Kan
sas Wesleyan universitv. and while
keeping at the head of his classes he
found time Incidentally to make the .Ab
ilene and Lindsborg baseball teams the
same sort of trouble he did the one at
St. Francis. In the course of time he
went out to Denver university to com
plete his education, and before he was
through his second year the boy from
the Kansas prairies had outstriped
his mountain comrades so far that
he represented Colorado In the inter
state oratorical contest held in Topeka
that year, and was the recognized lead
er in Denver university In most other
lines. From Denver he went to Boston
for a theological course, and before he
was 30 years old he was filling the pul-
pit of one of the largest Methodist
churches in Massachusetts at nring
field where he has since been, and he
is coming to the front as one of the
leading Methodist divines of New Eng
land. This is the story of a1 single Kansas
boy who imbibed a spirit of industry
and an ambition to do things from the
ozone of the prairies, together with an
independence of thought and action de
veloped by the free life of the west,
which has made him unconsciously a
leader among men.
This leadership has been developed
in individuals but it has not yet been
brought to its fullness in Kansas as a
state, yet is it not probable that Kan
sans as a people will, in the course of
another generation or two, become, to
a great extent at least, the leaders of
the nation?
OPENING OF GRAND.
The State Journal congratulates the
city of Topeka and also Mr. Crawford
of the Amusement syndicate that this
great and growing city is at last, be
ginning tomorrow night, to have a
safe and creditable opera house. The
Crawford people have already spent
much money on rehabilitation and
promise to spend thousands of dollars
more in putting the house in splendid
shape. According to Mr. Kane the
management will agree in writing to
put in an asbestos or steel curtain
before September 1.
It is hoped the council -will meet
Mr. Crawford on any minor points and
enable Topeka theater-goers to resume
in comfort and with a feeling of safety
the entertainments so long denied
them.
RAILROAD RATE PRIMER.
A great deal of mystery is cast about
the general railway rate matter.
Few people understand it the rate
or the rule.
The railroads themselves indeed as
sert that rate-making is a complicated
business.
The railroads are claiming now gen
erally that they ought not to be regu
lated by the government. If their
claim is just, it must mean that they
take the stand that their freight rates
are now just rates, or that they will
promptly make them so, without out
side interference.
They may have .other reasons.
They may believe they can continue
to charge all the traffic will bear, or as
much as the shipper and the receiver
of freight will stand, without being too
obstreperous; that is, without doing
something more than talk.
We admit that the railroad rate
question is a deep one.
Here Is a plain, simple, case of in
justice and wroug. No railroad of
ficial has ever explained the matter
satisfactorily to us. The injustice has
existed for years and years and is more
unjust today than it was ten years
ago. Here is the case:
Why does the Santa Fe Railway com
pany have a rate which charges this
paper, the Topeka State Journal, fifty
per cent more freight than it charges
the Kansas City Journal, the paper
coming from the same locality, over
the same railroads, in the same cars;
the distance from the papers mills in
Wisconsin to Kansas City being seven
hundred miles and the distance from
Kansas City to Topeka being sixty-six
miles? In other words, for an addi
tional haul of less than one-tenth th.e
distance the Santa Fe railroad charges
us fifty per cent more freight than it
charges the Kansas City Journal.
The State Journal pays thirty cents
per hundred pounds for every hun
dred pounds of newspaper shipped into
Topeka from the Wisconsin mills. The
Kansas City Journal pays only twenty
cents.
As we receive two cars a month, and
sometimes three, the item is an im
portant one.
Why should not the Santa Fe charge
us twenty-two or twenty-three cents;
that is, ten per cent more for the ad
ditional distance?
Why should a fair rate for this
business exceed three cents from the
Missouri river?
Lincoln, Neb., and Topeka are the
same distance from the Missouri river.
Lincoln newspapers pay three cents
per hundred pounds for hauling their
paper from the Missouri river to Lin
coln. We pay ten cents.
Will the railroads give Topeka peo
ple a fair freight rate, or will they
i.wait for the government to pass on
the injustice of our freight rates?
We are speaking about paper, be
cause we understand that material.
Doubtless the merchant could speak
of dry goods and cite a parallel case
of an excessive and unjust freight
tariff.
JUDGE GARVER'S "EFFORTS.
Although he has met with a number
of discouragements in "finding the
goods," apparently because wrong-doers
have had notice 6f his coming, Assistant
Attorney General Garver Seems to be
getting sufficient evidence to make at
least a portion of the law-breaking ele
ment of Topeka regret its disposition to
override the laws of the state. While
there is doubtless considerable liquor
selling going on in Topeka, Judge Gar
ver has succeeded In frightening some
of the most persistent law-breakers, and
violations of the prohibitory law are
probably more secret now than they
have been in Topeka in many months.
It matters not who enforces the law,
or how it is enforced; the important
thing is to have those who are inclined
to break the law taught to respect it.
As the State Journal has repeatedly
pointed out, the greatest harm that
comes from the open and notorious vio
lation of the prohibitory law is not the
simple act of itself, but the disrespect
for all law that It fosters. If the jointist
can openly sell liquor without being
punished, the thief is apt to think that
he can possibly steal without being
caught. If one criminal Is allowed to
pick out the "law he does not like and
break it, another criminal is apt to think
he ought to have the same privilege.
For this reason, if for no other, it is to
be hoped that Judge Garver's efforts to
teach the law-breakers of Topeka a se
vere lesson will be successful.
POOR BURTON.
Senator Burton this morning is in
deed crestfallen. It is an awful thing.
The Jury which came fti at one o'clock
this morning sounded a knell which
should be a warning to Kansas to be
careful of the men she puts in high
places and to put them there not to
reform them or for persistency in
pursuing anf office, but for merit,
ability and established reputation.
Convicted for selling his influence as
a United States senator! It is a ser
mon for today, eloquent, pointed, tell
ing, ringing, sad for the victim, but
yet hopeful for the right, the honest,
the worthy.
Burton sowed the wind, he reaped
the whirlwind.
Meyer Versus Hanly et Al.
Frcm the Chicago Record-Herald. J
The book which Professor Hugo
Meyer hastily and excitedly (as he
confesses) put out in order to save
congress from the terrible blunder of
enacting rate legislation of the kind
advocated by the president having
fallen short of signal success, the
ardent author has carried the war into
the lecture arena.
In an address to the New Orleans
business men he has denounced the
president's rate proposal as "revolu
tionary" in the third degree, danger
ous and pernicious, and as the product
of a complete misconception of the
rate problem.
Rash as it may seem to challenge
the frenzied rhetoric of a learned pro
fessor, we venture to say that every
one of his cardinal statements, as re
ported, is either a misstatement, a
fallacious inference or a self-destructive
argument.
The problem, says the professor, is
not primarily one of the public versus
tne railroads, but of one section
against another. Granting the truth
of this, the conclusion does not follow.
Are private corporations to have the
power of life and death over sections
of the country and the population, the
power to divert trade, distribute and
redistribute traffic and business and
wealth? As Governor Hanly says,
railroad absolutism destroys oppor
tunity and individual enterprise in
stead of promoting them.
Another assertion is that a rate con
trolling body "would (not might, but
would) precipitate great sectional con
flicts" and "curtail freedom of trade."
This is mere prophecy, but it over
looks the fact that uncontrolled rate
making by railroads has actually pro
duced sectional conflicts, discrimina
tions against Industries and com
munities, and restricted freedom of
trade.
Still another assertion is that a rate
prcscriping body would be "a little
deputy congress, making and unmak
ing the policy of the nation" as re
gards momentous matters. In truth,
the "policies" would be determined by
congress, and the administrative body
would only apply them to concrete
cases, precisely as state commissions
apply state policies. Why doesn't the
professor demand the abolition of all
state railroad , .commissions "deputy
legislatures," according to his notion?
These are specimen arguments from
a speech that ip, very revolutionary In
its assaults on, Toglc and notorious
facts. The public Is getting rather
weary of Professor Hugo Meyer in his
capacity of knight-errant seeking to
save congress and the nation from
catastrophic legislation.
JOURNAL ENTRIES
This is the time of year when it is
hard for the het to escape the sus
picion of laying cold-storage eggs. At
least some of . the "fresh laid" hen
fruit we buy at ithis season bears the
ear marks of having been kept for
some time.
a If Sarah Bernhardt were American
instead of French, would it be proper
to call her "Miss" or "Mrs."?
...
A good many men who blame
whisky for their downfall didn't have
far to fall.
When you refuse to give in to an
other man it is admirable firmness;
when the other man refuses to give in
to you it is plain, ordinary stubborn
ness. The man who has the most to say
about the evils of intemperance is like
ly to be the one who will make him
self sick eating too much next Thurs
day. You always want to come early and
avoid the rush. When Collier's Week
ly finally caught the "exposing" fever
the field was so nearly occupied that
all It could find to "expose" was patent
medicines and professionalism in col
lege football.
JAYHAWKER JOTS
Clay Center enters the lime light be
cause it is the home of two young doc
tors who have gone to Paris to study
medicine for a year.
Atchison has a rose bush In full
bloom and it is thinking of setting up
opposition to California in turning .put
a fine brand of climate.
Liberal offer by Father Beck in the
Holton Recorder: The salary of a Rus
sian grand duke is said to ba a "million
dollars a year. We will agree to tackle
the job at half that figure and if we
do not give better satisfaction than the
present incumbent has we will not
charge a cent.
Are Kingman people more subject to
appendicitis than those of otiber locali
ties? At one time last year Kingman
had six appendicitis patients in a single
hospital at Wichita, and It has had more
or less of an epidemic of the disease
ever since. This week's issue of the
Leader-Courier tells of four cases of
the trouble which have just been op
erated on there.
A Burlington man has found an
other instance where a conscience has
become too troublesome for Its owner,
and the Burlington man, Frank Hoff
mans, is fifty cents ahead as a result.
He is in receipt of a letter from a
woman which says: "Little do you
think to receive a letter from me. I
am living here since last May, so will
tell you what I am writing for, as the
Lord does not let me rest no longer
until I tell you- what has happened.
Years ago I was Just a child one day
when I went to town I saw some pret
ty little boxes on your counter. They
attracted my eye so I took one. It
contained six handkerchiefs. Thay
were marked 5c each and the box was
marked 2 5c. I could never forget it,
for I knew I had done wrong. I
would often liked to tell you about it
but was so ashamed of it- I do not
know what made me do it. but will
confess that I did wrong. I want to
get it off of my mind so when my time
comes to die I want to die in peace.
So will pay you double for doing
wrong and will ask you to forgive me.
Please answer so I will know by re
turn mail."
KANSAS COMMENT
A BENT Mt'RDOCK FABLE.
A frisky young pup got smart and
"treed" an old and half frozen wasp.
He barked and scratched and made as
much fuss about it as if he had treed a
coon. But all of a sudden he lost all
interest In the sick wasp and took to
rolling in the grass in much pain. Did
you ever get gay, tree a poor old wasp
and afterwards get the hot end of It?
El Dorado Republican.
TOUGH ON SHAW.
In a dispatch from Washington this
morning the Kansas City. Journal re
moves Secretary Shaw from the cabinet.
and the Topeka Capital 'with equal force i
announces that he will stay in. It is all j
right to despose Mr. Shaw, but is it just
to muss up his clothes, with the yank
ing back and forth? Ottawa Herald.
MADE THeTcLOCK LIE.
A certain young man, while calling
recently on his girl, whose mother runs
a boarding house, set the clock back,
and the next morning all the boarders
were late to business. Leavenwortti
Post.
HOBSON AND HOCH.
The statement of Governor Hoch that
he enjoyed Captain Hobson's speech at
Marlon more than any speech he has
heard for some time, indicates that the
governor does not listen to his own
speeches, or else he wanted to be par
ticularly complimentary to a guest of
his home town, Parsons Sun.
MAY BE A RUSE.
The closing of railroad publicity bu
reaus through which the railroads have
sought to counteract the public senti
ment that is backing the president in
his demand for railroad rate regulations
is no sign that the railroads have given
up the fight or even ceased to exert
themselves to mould public opinion by
artificial means. The railroad magnates
are nothing if not resourceful and It is
possible and probaDie that tne idouuuu
of the publicity bureau is only a blind
to cover up some shrewd manipulation
in an entirely different direction. The
fiiends of the president's square deal
must not allow themselves to be put off
watch or to be tricked by wily railroad
ruse. Leavenworth Times.
WILL HE BE THANKFUL?
Tt nrtw ir,rtiro thniih the trial of
Senator Burton woul i be finished be
fore Thanksgiving, but it is too early
Trot tn tA n-nornpr rnp sei jilui yt.ii
feel that way or not. Parsons Sun.
o
A KANSAS MILLIONAIRE,
a,,. r. - vnnne farmer paid
court to an accomplished young lady
in an Illinois town, and his BUit being
innVKri iinnn with favor, he urged the
young lady to set the day and asked
the parents for their consent, inn was,
refused, and the young man was told
nninoi fViat their dnuehter 'as the
finest little bunch of human ely on
earth and no one could nave ner nauu
with their consent that was not at least
in:oira with that the voune man
assumed a haughty mien and said, "If
that is all. the wedding win occur un
v. i..Q ho. nntned. I have two
III' Urtjr . - , ,
!.tc in nTo.trn TCansas in altaita.
With that the old folks perceived their
mistake and immediately gave men
consent, and there was much rejoicing.
Linn County Republic.
When for anv reason whatever you
get aggrieved at the editor, just rush
into the office and order your paper
3 T. -..Ill mnl-C VA11 TPPI
mscouunuea. rm - "
. . .-, a nnno cnmptnine: ana
then you might go and stick your
I1IJP 11 I la'i UUH- ........ .
finger in a oucitei ui ,....
out again. The effect will be tne same.
It's all in the feeling. Staffard Re
publican.
FROM OTHER PENS
THE ASTOR LIST.
There is a disquieting rumor that New
York's 400 have shrunk to 79. Those who
have been counted out wiU probably de
mand a recount. New "iork Tribune.
PRESIDENT'S MESSAGE.
The president's message can be prepar
ed with great speed if he will only re
member to confer with the enterprising
correspondents who have already .written
it. Richmond Times-Dispatch.
WHICH!
Hearst s proclamations are models of
calmness, and the flow of his Promises
has dried up. Is this to show that he
wants office or is terribly afraid he may
get it? New York Evening Post.
LET 'EM FIGHT?
In the contest between Hearst and Tam
m.mv. however, not even the strangle
hold will be barred. Indianapolis News.
o
TAMMANY. TOO.
The seriousness of the situation in New
York at once becomes apparent when it
is noted that even Tammany has begun
the fraud cry. Indianapolis News.
o
A QUESTION.
The McCurdy family's total $4,918,607.
And shall such crimes go unpunished, Mr.
Jerome? New York World.
-So
NOT MUCH.
All that Mr. Roosevelt has on hand just
now is a 20,000-word message, railway
rate regulation, the Panama canal, feder
al insurance supervision, football, Santo
Domingo, a fight with the senate and var
ious other matters. So he is amusing
himself by translating Gaelic poems.
Chicago News.
ONE FACE MISSING.
One politician has kept his word. One
politician who said he would retire has
retired There has been an election In
New York, vet this is the first occasion
In months that the name of David B. Hill
has appeared in the public prints. The
press has assisted him in keeping the
pledge Columbia State.
SUBWAYS WILL MULTIPLY.
City subways will unquestionably multi
ply Thev are protected from the ele
ments and are free from grade crossings.
Restricted entirely to their own uses,
thev can applv safeguards wherever
needed. There is no sharing of their right
of way, and no trespassing upon it. Their
schedules are faster and fares the same.
They demnnd careful municipal study.
St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
-YES!
YES!
Jimmv Hyde says he was attracted by
the idea of becoming American ambassa
dor to France. How the president must
have roarel when the matter was sug
gested to him. Chicago Record-Herald.
SOME LIVE TO GRADUATE.
It simply boils down to this: If a col
lege man escapes death on the football
field, it Is only that he may meet It in a
fraternity initiation. Richmond Times
Dispatch. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
From the New York Press.
Christian Science throws up Its job
when it tackles a simple case of colic.
The man who starts out to get rich
is lucky if he keps from going broke.
A woman always says her husband
has a good temper when he slams the
front door without breaking the
hinges.
It's dangerous for a girl to fight
against a man's kissing her 'cause the
noise might make somebody suspicious.
IMMORTALITY.
I that had life ere I was born
Into this world of dark and light.
Waking as one who wakes at morn
From dreams of night;
I am as old as heaven and earth,
But sleep Is death without decay.
And since eaoh morn renews my birth
I am no older than today.
Old though my outward form appear,
Though It at last outworn shall lie.
This that is servile to the years.
This is not t
I, who outwear the form I take.
When I put oft this garb of flesh,
Still in immortal youth shall wake
And clothe my life afresh.
-A. St. John Adcock in the Monthly Re
view. General Roseeran's Reply.
When Grover Cleveland was nomi
nated for a, second term, the writer
asked General Rosecrans how he liked
the nomination. Now Rosecrans was
a Democrat of prominence, and Cleve
land had not treated him right during
nis nrst term. The writer felt sure
that Rosecrans did not like his re-
nomination, but. in reolv to the Ques
tion, the old soldier said:
When I was in the junior class at
West Point, we went out on a camp
ing expedition. It fell to my lot to
cook for our comoanv. until someone
should complain, and then the com
plainant would have to do the cook
ing. After two or three days I got
tired of the Job, but nobody com
plained, we had a voung fellow rrom
Massachusetts, and he liked pie. He
wanted pie at every meal, bo, I made
a fine apple pie, and the way I salted
It was actually wicked. It was salted
good and plenty. At the breakfast
table I cut him a nice large slice, and
he poked half of It into his face, and
in a second he was jumping about.
spluttering and damning the pie and
the cook. I took off my cooking
clothes and got into my uniform as
quickly as possible. He became our
cook, and cook he remained during the
entire outing of a month.' '
"But, general," I said, "how about
that nomination?"
"I'll not be the first to complain,"
said the veteran, with a quiet chuckle.
Los Angeles Times.
These Errors Hurt.
Typographical errors were being re
counted. "A typographical error," said a
physician, "nearly caused me once to
sue a Chicago paper for libel. I was
c&leld to Chicago to consult on a seri
ous case. A number of reporters were
handling the case, and one of them
wrote about me:
" The doctor felt the patient's pulse,
and then prescribed for him.'
"But the compositor made this
harmless sentence read:
" 'The doctor felt the patient's purse
and then prescribed for him.' "
William W. Russell, the new minis
ter to Venezuela, laughed and said:
"A friend of mine is an operatic
tenor. He once sang in 'Faust' in St.
Louis. The leading paper there gave
him a splendid notice: called him a
rara avis among tenors: said he had
delighted and entranced all hearers:
and then, getting the criticism mixed
up with a police case, concluded:
" 'The verdict against the man was
unanimous. He was sentenced to
three years' penal servitude. Thus so
ciety wil for some time be freed from
the infliction of his presence." Ex
chang. "And Don't Go Near the Water."
There lives in Washington a physi
cian who has a 10-year-old son, a boy
of great spirit, but with no over
abundance of strength. Not long ago
the boy secured his father's permis
sion to join a camping party organ
ized for bovs in the neighborhood; but
In the parting instructions there was
one restriction.
"Now, my boy," said the father, "I
don't wish you to go out in your
cousin Bob's canoe. He and those
lads are quite used to the water, but
you are not; and you haven't as yet
learned to sit still anywnere. You'll
be with them but a short time, and
with the other amusements you'll
have, you can afford to let the canoe
alone this visit, so that your mother
will not be worrying all the time
you're away."
The boy promptly gave the desired
promise. On his return he was most
enthusiastic with regard to the pleas
ure he had enjoyed.
"Didn't mind not canoeing a bit,
father," said he. "The only time they
used the canoe, anyway, was the last
day, to go over to the other shore:
But I remembered my promise, and I
wasn't going to break it at the last
minute, so I swam across." Ex
change.
His Plans.
"And how do you intend to support
my daughter?" asked the merchant of
the poor but proud young man, who
had just asked the fair maid's hand.
"I intend to work, sir," he answered,
his tone as haughty and confident as
the merchant's own.
"At what do you propose to work?"
sneered the angry father.
"Any graft, sir, that Is good enough
to work and not bad enough to be
found out," replied the intrepid youth;
Touched to the heart, the merchant
impulsively held out his hand to the
young man. "She is yours, my boy,"
he cried in trembling tones; "I see my
darling's future as the wife of a multi
billionaire ! ' 'Baltimore American.
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchison Globe.
A woman can't be said to be really
old fashioned unless she has a lot of
remedies lying around which are good
for something you haven't got.
An Atchison woman who never
travels and never expects to, recently
bought a book of a book agent, en
titled. "How to Behave When on a
Sleeping Car."
When a wedding is described as
"simple," it means there were at least
six people in the parade, and that
there was an orchestra, and a detective
to guard the presents.
If a woman pulls her husband's
hair, vanks him around by the neck,
and beats him every day before break
fast there are still those among her
kin who will say she is a "worm."
It is a good idea to train all the
children in the way of going to Sun
day school every Sunday afternoon. It
gives their father an undisturbed op
portunity for taking a nap.
It is said of a preacher in Coolidge
that he devotes one sermon a week to
th wickedness at the French ball,
though there isn't a person in Cool
idge who ever attended one. or who
would be willing to stay up as late as
ten at night waiting for anything to
begin.
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
From the Philadelphia Record.
It requ'res a great deal of Imagination
to be a poet and quite considerable to
think you are one.
Blobbs "Why did he lose his job in
the crockery store?" Slobbs "On ac
count of his appetite." Blobbs "His
appetite?" Slobbs "Yes, he used to be
a glass eater In a dime museum."
Tommy "Pop, should all congress
men be locked up?". Tommy's Pop
"Well er I don't suppose they should,
my son." Tommy "Then why do the
papers make so much fuss about a con
gressman at larger'
My idee uf der broper definition uf
"spassmodic confulsions" may be
found in a resendt vild effor; on d'r
part uf der Crawford sklndlkit tr .fade
der spesslflcatlons uf der comm'ddee
on pooblic safedy.
Some uf our var-shibs iss far from
home, but id iss to be hoped dot dey
vill celebrate Tanksgaflng in der good
oldt vay py "eating oop" Turkey.
Uf turkeyss remain ad two bits a
pound, my Tanksgaflng dinner vlll
consisd uf der fried gobble out uf a
fery small bird.
I haf peen slighted, und I am sore
es swel carboncles. The church cen
sus beople, vot vas suspected uf col
lecting der relichion uf der unttre
population, did nod call on myselluf.
Ve opserf, py der headllners, dot
der Ka-zar iss still oiling dem roller
skates vot he haf tied all ofer him.
und iss brepared to slide ad any dime.
Did you try your luck ad der
church bizzarre feesh pond game yes-
tertay? Vich remindts me: Der las!
dime I see von uf dem feesh game)
der bollce vas yanking id oudt uf de:
fair grounds, und locking oop it.
keeber. Der oudfidt was smashed,
und der owner run oudt uf town. Ul
course dot haf uoding to do mit der
church game. Der fair ground feller
had real money in some uf him
feeshes, und dere vos a chance to vin
someding.
Ve iss greadly rellefed to hear dot
Councilman Svendson iss nod alarmed
ofer der busted eondish uf dis villache.
Uf a ufflcial vot can ged vorked so
oop ofer der vellfare uf der cldy's fair
name can smile, der resd uf us ought
to go indo spassums uf mirth und
choy.
Some uf us vot dake no inderesd
votefer in der pie-anna contesds, iss
keebing close und eggspectant tab on
der struggle fer der title uf "greadest
pest in town" vich iss going on be
dween der unsurance achents und der
perfessional bill collectors. Der latest
bulletin reports a tie.
VOTS DER YOOS?
"Ve strife to bleas," der motto sayss.
But vot's der yoos to strife;
You strife to bleas, alretty. yes.
But candt to safe your life.
Und ven you tink you'f did der do
Vich ought to made a hit,
Der beoples vill pegin to chew
Der rag und trow a fit.
So vot's der yoos?
A.
71.
ft. jOL
Fer mine, I pass der motto oop
Und keeb on writing rot
So bad der readers fly der coop
Er faindt upon der spot.
In vain dey holler "23!"
Und "Punko," "Rats," und such,
Fer I CANDT bleas dem, so you se
I keeb on "mussing" Dutch.
Fer vots der yoos?
HANS ZUPP.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
From the Chicago News.
Hustling and happiness are twins.
It is a long leg that has no more
pulling.
Too many people pray with their
fingers crossed.
Many a girl who married" for leisure
has repented in a hurry.
When a woman begins to rose hr ....
sight she makes an Ideal chaperon.
May we remark that the museum
freak who swallows fire ia a light eater I
At the age of 18 a boy wonders if he
will ever become as ignorant as his
father.
Many a man's ears would be shocked
If they heard him speak a kind word to
his wife.
It is the woman with a new hat who
never complains because the sermon Is
long drawn out.
Occasionally a man figures on a re
served seat In heaven because he one
gave away an old coat.
Many a successful man sidestepped
the advertised road to wealth and sneak
ed in the back way.
A wife's affections that have been
alienated are not worth 1 per cent of the
amount her husband usually sues for.
A man will squander $5 treating his
friends in a saloon and then go home
and scold his wife for buying the baby a
pair of 98-cent shoes at a bargain sale.
Muggins "Henpeckke's mother-in-law
has .en blowing him up for a
good many years, and now he hopes to
be able to retaliate." Buggins "In
what way?" Muggins "He Is going to
give her an automobile on her Jrtrth-dsy."
s r