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Image provided by: Kansas State Historical Society; Topeka, KS
Newspaper Page Text
TOPEKA STATE JOURNAL, SATURDAY EVENING, DECEMBER 30, 1S05.
: . Z . q.' THE ANNUAL HOLDUP. - niPPFPPMT wxnwr " ' DIFFERENT NOW. NEW YEAR'S COMPLIMENTS. a r i i CIS! rl U Jones: "Are you going to give up anything for the new year?" I - I , V f i J " ' ?44 V'&t tTi ... .... . De Broke: "Not on your life! I've already given up everything but my Hull . 4 1 : .-' 'i-Avv Daughter: Mr. Lucas sent mc his photograph fo' a New Yeah's cawd, paw clothes." . ,,, yiWjC' N. Father: "Doan' yo' leab no jew'lry lyin' roun' loose w'en dat gemman calls. . T 'Jm il 5 " -:V' irV ' H sent his photo to de wrong address. He shud hab sent it to de rogues' PERTINENT INQUIRY. FASHION. v-5f gallery." i Butler Wot time Is ut, Jeems? ' ' - " -CV Jv " Footman It must be going on 3 - - ' A CAREFUL HAT RAISER. AS FAR AS POSSIBLE. "' 2',ClCkj the missus has just made her Wife! "Before we were married you said I was a dream." JU 0fl yur hat to women , I fifth change of costume! HKJ. v u . j j i iL , V Dream- in elevators?" 1 J Husband. Yes, but I didnt know then that your money was a dream." "Certainly not unless I know them." C7 THE SPIRIT OF THE PASSING YEAR. ft Pl JSJysa' ( fflJ- - "0 rJ-fl jak "Now, for the seventy-seventh time.- "It is iust 12 o'ln I ,;n ,.n u ..u... x . .l. . . l e . . - , imii pmii vitw i iuy iriio rooB nas "ivmraerl unasts! Knooksl "What iq it. nnvhowr l ' - i ' I Sappy I aw have an idea, doncher know, and Gladys Excuse me, but are you quite certain of your ability to distinguish between ideas and wheels? A HELPING HAND. The hand that rocks the cradle Is the hand that rules the earth. But the hand that beats three aces Bet on that for all you're worth. Colonel Brown And so you quar reled with young Jones because he pul his arm round your waist? Miss Ongbcnpwong He didn't put his arm round my waist, but he tried. Colonel Brown Yes, of course, that's what I mean. "Now, for the seventy-seventh time.- "i :,, 15 I.. ... - ' -J j " 1- w uivvn. will ring in the new year. bell rone at onee HUMAN NATURE. ENIGMATICAL. Does her hair curl naturally?" 'Well, her natural hair doesn't." I) ( " 1 ,fr: -, 1 1 n ' - - - V . "V - - viJ " i .I.., iffiw-i;-v 1 -W..-W );, ::-'.. V The Retort Med ical. "Yes." asserted the actor. "I ac- knowledge that your operation has relieved my pain, but at the same time I must say that you are a regular butcher." "You may be right," said the physician, "for it seems that I have cured a ham." "Ah, how sad it is to look back down the trodden cath of the oM Contemplate the wasted opportunities and the unwitting mistakes that line it." "Yes, and how sad it is to think that the opportunities were wasted and the mistakes made by our friends never by ourselves." OF COURSE. "You lazy young: scamp! You ought to imitate the busy ant!" "Well, so I do. Me and me pals play Ui Cs sand nearly all day! HE WAS "IT." 3- 4. She Oh! Henry, that cow seems to be coming fast! Henry Er yes, I'm afraid she has lost her calf and She-Well, do something quick to make her see that you are not it. A Dangerous Pair. A discussion about the numer ous highway rob beries was on. "To me, it at first looked like a case of 'Your money or your life."" said one. "How?" "Going home last night I met a lawyer and a doc tor together." NEW YEAR'S COMPENSATION. . . 9 : ... 'jr , l 2 S - J- r (j Safe. "No." said Mrs. Spiffins loftily, "the servant girl question has no terrors for me." With an interrog ative elevation of our eyebrows we asked for further information. Mrs. Spiffins proceeded: "I do all my own cooking and house work." He Paid the Freight. "Your wife," re marked the old friend, "tells me you are getting into society now." "No," replied the man who had to pay for his wife's ambitions; "socie ty is getting into me." In Harmony. "In what year was the colonel born?" "Judging from the way he blows, I should say in the year of the big wind." J fa i . is - -- 11, - 1 " ' 1 'ir-' ! 1 , 1 j..r";T'7 1 Hi 1 1 r :.mx- Mean Thing. Ernestine Will Grantley is the meanest man know. Josephine Why, what has he done? Ernestine I had the cleverest joke of the year on him and meant to tell it to all the girls. Josephine Did you toll it? Ernestin e No. He went before me and told every one of them. Mr. Charge: "My brother is just halfway around the world from us." Mrs. Charge: "How fortunate you are, for you get your New Year's good wishes half a day ahead of him. Mr. Charge: "Yes, but his December bills fall due half a day later than mine." f ' REASON. Newlywed My wife is really an angel. Crustybach Why, they tell me she can't cook. Newlywed That's why; she doesn't try to. A DIFFICULT CASE. Doctor I'm afraid I'll have to call a consultation. Nurse Why, I thought the patient was getting well. ! Doctor He is, but I'll have to call in 1 a lawyer to help me collect my bill. Misunderstood Him. "I understand that you have a great deal of fret work in your home." said Mr. Sezzit to Mr. Hen peque. "I'd rather you would not drag my wife into the con versation, sir," was the dignified re ply. His Choice. "Prosperity has ruined many a man. "No, doubt, but if I'm given any choice in the mat ter I'd rather be ruined by pros perity than by ad versity. The proc ess is more en joyable." The Next Morn ing. "I'm so tired this morning," said the first moth. "Up late last night?" asked the second. "Yes," replied the first, "I was at a camphor ball." Reducing the Es timate. "What do you say are the three essentials to a home?" "There are only two dollars and sense. I THE DOWNFALL OF LASSO BILL. I . Spy (r'