The Topeka state journal. [volume], December 30, 1905, LAST EDITION, Image 14

About The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980

Image provided by: Kansas State Historical Society; Topeka, KS

                
TOPEKA STATE JOURNAL, SATURDAY EVENING, DECEMBER 30, 1S05.
: . Z
. q.' THE ANNUAL HOLDUP. - niPPFPPMT wxnwr " '
DIFFERENT NOW. NEW YEAR'S COMPLIMENTS.
a r i i CIS! rl U
Jones: "Are you going to give up anything for the new year?" I - I , V f i J " ' ?44 V'&t tTi ... .... .
De Broke: "Not on your life! I've already given up everything but my Hull . 4 1 : .-' 'i-Avv Daughter: Mr. Lucas sent mc his photograph fo' a New Yeah's cawd, paw
clothes." . ,,, yiWjC' N. Father: "Doan' yo' leab no jew'lry lyin' roun' loose w'en dat gemman calls.
. T 'Jm il 5 " -:V' irV ' H sent his photo to de wrong address. He shud hab sent it to de rogues'
PERTINENT INQUIRY. FASHION. v-5f gallery."
i Butler Wot time Is ut, Jeems? ' ' - " -CV Jv "
Footman It must be going on 3 - - ' A CAREFUL HAT RAISER. AS FAR AS POSSIBLE.
"' 2',ClCkj the missus has just made her Wife! "Before we were married you said I was a dream." JU 0fl yur hat to women ,
I fifth change of costume! HKJ. v u . j j i iL , V Dream- in elevators?" 1
J Husband. Yes, but I didnt know then that your money was a dream." "Certainly not unless I know them." C7
THE SPIRIT OF THE PASSING YEAR. ft Pl
JSJysa' ( fflJ- - "0 rJ-fl jak
"Now, for the seventy-seventh time.- "It is iust 12 o'ln I ,;n ,.n u ..u... x . .l. . .
l e . . - , imii pmii vitw i iuy iriio rooB nas "ivmraerl unasts! Knooksl "What iq it. nnvhowr l
' - i ' I
Sappy I aw have an idea, doncher
know, and
Gladys Excuse me, but are you quite
certain of your ability to distinguish
between ideas and wheels?
A HELPING HAND.
The hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the earth.
But the hand that beats three aces
Bet on that for all you're worth.
Colonel Brown And so you quar
reled with young Jones because he pul
his arm round your waist?
Miss Ongbcnpwong He didn't put his
arm round my waist, but he tried.
Colonel Brown Yes, of course, that's
what I mean.
"Now, for the seventy-seventh time.- "i :,, 15
I.. ... - ' -J j " 1- w uivvn.
will ring in the new year. bell rone at onee
HUMAN NATURE.
ENIGMATICAL.
Does her hair curl naturally?"
'Well, her natural hair doesn't."
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The Retort Med
ical. "Yes." asserted
the actor. "I ac-
knowledge that
your operation has
relieved my pain,
but at the same
time I must say
that you are a
regular butcher."
"You may be
right," said the
physician, "for it
seems that I have
cured a ham."
"Ah, how sad
it is to look back down the trodden cath of the oM
Contemplate the wasted opportunities and the unwitting mistakes that line it."
"Yes, and how sad it is to think that the opportunities were wasted and the
mistakes made by our friends never by ourselves."
OF COURSE.
"You lazy young: scamp! You ought
to imitate the busy ant!"
"Well, so I do. Me and me pals play
Ui Cs sand nearly all day!
HE WAS "IT."
3- 4.
She Oh! Henry, that cow seems to
be coming fast!
Henry Er yes, I'm afraid she has
lost her calf and
She-Well, do something quick to
make her see that you are not it.
A Dangerous Pair.
A discussion
about the numer
ous highway rob
beries was on.
"To me, it at first
looked like a case
of 'Your money or
your life."" said
one.
"How?"
"Going home last
night I met a
lawyer and a doc
tor together."
NEW YEAR'S COMPENSATION.
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Safe.
"No." said Mrs.
Spiffins loftily,
"the servant girl
question has no
terrors for me."
With an interrog
ative elevation of
our eyebrows we
asked for further
information. Mrs.
Spiffins proceeded:
"I do all my own
cooking and house
work."
He Paid the
Freight.
"Your wife," re
marked the old
friend, "tells me
you are getting
into society now."
"No," replied the
man who had to
pay for his wife's
ambitions; "socie
ty is getting into
me."
In Harmony.
"In what year
was the colonel
born?"
"Judging from
the way he blows,
I should say in
the year of the big
wind."
J fa i
. is - -- 11, - 1
" ' 1
'ir-' ! 1 , 1 j..r";T'7 1 Hi 1 1 r :.mx-
Mean Thing.
Ernestine Will
Grantley is the
meanest man
know.
Josephine Why,
what has he done?
Ernestine I had
the cleverest joke
of the year on
him and meant to
tell it to all the
girls.
Josephine Did
you toll it?
Ernestin e No.
He went before
me and told every
one of them.
Mr. Charge: "My brother is just halfway around the world from us."
Mrs. Charge: "How fortunate you are, for you get your New Year's good
wishes half a day ahead of him.
Mr. Charge: "Yes, but his December bills fall due half a day later than
mine." f '
REASON.
Newlywed My wife is really an
angel.
Crustybach Why, they tell me she
can't cook.
Newlywed That's why; she doesn't
try to.
A DIFFICULT CASE.
Doctor I'm afraid I'll have to call a
consultation.
Nurse Why, I thought the patient
was getting well.
! Doctor He is, but I'll have to call in
1 a lawyer to help me collect my bill.
Misunderstood
Him.
"I understand
that you have a
great deal of fret
work in your
home." said Mr.
Sezzit to Mr. Hen
peque. "I'd rather you
would not drag my
wife into the con
versation, sir," was
the dignified re
ply. His Choice.
"Prosperity has
ruined many a
man.
"No, doubt, but
if I'm given any
choice in the mat
ter I'd rather be
ruined by pros
perity than by ad
versity. The proc
ess is more en
joyable."
The Next Morn
ing. "I'm so tired
this morning,"
said the first
moth.
"Up late last
night?" asked the
second.
"Yes," replied
the first, "I was at
a camphor ball."
Reducing the Es
timate. "What do you
say are the three
essentials to a
home?"
"There are only
two dollars and
sense.
I THE DOWNFALL OF LASSO BILL.
I .
Spy (r'