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IIS TOPEEA DAILY
JOUR IT An, S U 1? DA Y HOB N I IT G. -. .A alAlb tiuLitJiij. By FRANK P. MAC LEXXAX. T -r,c! for Every Day in the "year. U:'ntered July 1, 1S75, as second class Us;. tier at the postoffice at Topeka, Kan., under the act of congress. .volt; ME XXXIII ...No. 14 O facial Paper City of Topeka. OiBcial Paper Kansas State Federation Women's Clubs. TERMS OP SUBSCRIPTION. Week Day Edition and Edition for Sun day Morning. 10 Cents Per Week Everywhere. CHy, Town or Country. BY MAIL: J-S'iy, including Sunday. 1 year v -jo l.umy. including Sunday, 6 months 2.60 j ' i , including Sunday. 3 months l.J 3 a without Sunday. 1 year -0 i'aii, wiihout Sunday, months --IJJJ 2 -a:iy, without Sunday. 3 months fcunday edition, colored comics, year.. 2.00 TELEPHONES. B'JS.'nesn Office Bell. 107 J-.usmess Office Ind. 307 T'-f porters' Room Hell 577 7 enorters' Room Ind. i sank P. MacLennan Ind. 700 J !M, LEASED WIRE REPORT OP III K ASSOCIATED PRESS EVERY WEEK DAY AND PUBLISHERS' PRESS REPORT OX SATURDAY M(iHT For; THE EDITION i OK SI.MIAV SIOKXIXG. The State Journal is a member of the Associated Press and receives the full day teiettraph report of that great news or ganization for exclusive evening publi cation. The Slate Journal receives for exclusive jublieation the leased wire report of the J'uMJshera' Press for the edition for Sun 1kv morning. The news is received in the State Jour nal building: over wires for this sole pur pose. Wall street appears to be rushing on to ruin just as though Mr. Schiff had not said a word. Mrs. Chadwick at last has landed In the penitentiary, but there is still a large number of more notorious swindlers at large. If Roosevelt shall become president cf Chicago university may -we not ex pect that a course in bear hunting- will be added to the curriculum? In forcing- the lower class men to T!ay automobile, Annapolis hazers ap pear to have provided for everything pertaining to the machine except the gasoline smell. The senate has found another ex cuse for delaying- the construction of the Panama canal. It is not hard to see why the railroads insist on owning so many United States senators. The man who called in his friends, announced that he had a great joke for them, and committed suicide be fore their eyes, might justly be re garded as "carrying a joke too far." The cotton combine has decided upon 13 cents per pound as the price at which the crop shall be sold. Pur chasers of calico and muslin will have occasion to remember this when they go to buy. President Roosevelt might prove a worthy successor to President Harper es the head of Chicago university in most respects, but it is doubtful if he could ever ea.ual the departed scholar's ability in touching the Rock efeller check book. The "wicked partner" is making his appearance in the Standard Oil inves tigation. One man has testified to the Rood qualities of John D. Rockefeller. Being a good man it is quite natural that he should withdraw from the ac tive management of the concern and merely take the money. The family of a drunkard In Chi cago has secured a judgment of $17, 600 against the saloon keepers who Kold him liquor. If they succeed in collecting it a new industry may spring up. Other husbands may be Jed to secure "easy money" for their families in the same agreeable way. A resolution asking Senator Depew to resign has been introduced a sec ond time in the New York legislature. If he should comply with the sugges tion, it is safe to predict that Piatt wiil not voluntarily Indulge in any "me to" business, as he did when Conkiin staiked out of the senate. The man who expects to become the son-in-iaw of the president has joined the ranks of those who want to drop the Philippines as soon as it can be done consistently. Probably no one now living will see the islands relinquished by the United States. When they have attained a condition warranting the granting of their inde pendence all occasion for such action will have disappeared. The cotton growers of the south have formed a trust that may need looking after some day. The members have doubled the price of their product with in the past year and are about to take steps to boost it another 25 per cent. One of the methods employed is the restriction of production. Similar ac tions on the part of the coal men bring denunciation from the entire country. We appear to have he cotton baron with us. Congressman Murdock informs the Elate Journal that the Garden City irrigation project is not being delayed because of lack of contracts for irrigat ing with Finney county farmers, as was recently stated in Washington dispatch es. Mr. Murdock says the contracts have all been made. To the young auburn-haired congressman from the Sev enth district, by the way, belongs most ff the credit for this Garden City pro ject. No one eise had accomplished anything with the Washington authori ties until he went there. Although new at the business he immediately begun investigations, to get some sort of an irrigation experiment for his district. It w as up-hill work, but he kept hammering- away until be got it, and he is e'ill working at it, although he has been legislated out of that d.'etrict and A SERMON FOR. TODAY. Treasures of wickedness profit nothing: but righteousness deliver from death. Proverbs 10: J. Up at Junction City the idea has long existed that saloons are a neces sity for the town in order to get the soldiers to come over from Fort Riley and spend their money. Accordingly saloons have been allowed to run al most uninterruptedly in Junction City for years. Junction City people are naturally no worse than those of other towns, yet the criminal records of the town are much more crowded than those of similar Kansas towns in which the saloons are suppressed. Junction City whisky has been the cause of innumerable crimes. Scarcely a month goes by without its record of whisky crimes, and in the course of a year several murders usually stand out black on the list. And in return for it the city gov ernment receives six or eight thou sand dollars in revenue from the sa loons, but it is doubtful if the legiti mate business interests of the town gain a dollar by reason of increased trade attracted by the saloons; for the saloons take in many thousands of dollars that would otherwise go to legitimate stores. But the question of dollars and cents is only a small one compared with the ruin and misery the saloons bring. Does it pay to license saloons and reap a harvest of crime, ruined manhood and lost souls as a consequence? One of the usual whisky crimes was committed in Junction City a few nights ago, which the Manhattan Re public makes the subject for a few observations which are so pertinent that they are reproduced here: "What is the price to put on a man? What is he worth? This question comes to mind in connection with the shooting scrape at Junction City, Sat urday night. Junction City finds the saloons profitable; the revenue amounts to $6,000 or $S,000 or more perhaps each year from its licensed law breakers. "Does it pay? Well, what is a man worth? If a railroad company kills most any sort of a man, the custom has been in a measure established to give approximately $10,000 as his money value. "Is the average man worth $10,000? Ask his mother if she thinks that will pay for all the terrible suffering, for the care, the sleepless nights, the agony of sickness and the daily thought lavished upon him, necessary to bring him to manhood's estate, to say nothing of the actual monetary outlay. Would any ordinary woman agree to undertake the same suffering care, thought, work and worry, with the attendant actual expense necessary to bring a boy to manhood for just the sum of $10,000 $300 per year, about $40 per month? Would she? But say that a man is worth only $10,000, how many men must be de stroyed in Junction City each year before the cost in men exceeds the revenue to the city, and all other profit, if any, derived from their sa loons? How many murders does Junc tion City average each year? One, two, three how many? No, they were not all toughs, some mighty good men have been killed in Junction City in the past ten years. "And then the murders are but a fraction of the cost. Men stupefied with whisky have frozen to death; men stupefied with liquor have de stroyed property, been guilty of rob bery, have assaulted and tried to kill others. "And this is but a fraction of the cost. Men's souls have been destroy ed, their ambitions and ideals killed and their wrecked bodies left valueless aye, worse, an expense to society. "And this is not all the cost. The souls yes, bodies, minds and souls of women must be entered in the ledger. "And this is not all the cost. There is the cost in dollars and cents at first hand, the only kind of costs that seem to count with some people. There is the cost of courts and police that go a long ways. There is the cost of dead beat accounts; there is the inevitable cost that follows liquor, that of gam bling. Merchants have lost money from the drawer, they have lost ac counts that ought to have been good, all on account of gambling. "What is a man worth anyway? His money, his ideals, his ambitions, his usefulness as a worker, his mind, his body, his life, and at the bitter end, nis soul what is it all worth? "Will the revenue from liquor pay for the men it destroys in Junction or anywhere else? "Junction City is not a bad town. It is a live town. It has thousands of splendid people. They are intellect ual, progressive; they appreciate and seek for the good things, the ethical things, of life. The average of the people is probably above that of most towns and it has a large circle of dis tinctly superior people. It makes the wonder all the greater that they should sell a portion of their social life for such a miserable mess of com mercial pottage. They have become near sighted, do not recognize true values as they should and they never stop to inquire w hat is the worth of a man. Some day they will know." The irony of fate is shown by the outcome of the lawsuit over the prop erty of Mrs. Kate Brandt, the Man kato woman who was murdered by her husband about three years ago. Her husband is said to have killed her to get possession of her property, hut he had to assign it to his lawyer to pay the lawyer for defending him, and still hp was sent to the peniten tiary. When the lawyer tried to take possession of the property the wo man's relatives stepped in and de nied the right of the husband who had killed the wife to take the prop erty. They contended that it should go to her natural heirs aside from her husband. The lawyer had to hire an other lawyer to help him in the law suit over the property, which was car ried through the supreme court. The supreme court has decided that the husband would inherit the property, but most of it will go to the second lawyer, who had nothing to do with the case In the first place. NOMINATION' OF SENATOR. The discussion as to the best method for nominating the Republican candi date for United States senator Is wax ing warmer and warmer. There Is a pronounced sentiment over the state in favor of having the state convention name a candidate, but there is also some opposition to that plan. Mr. W. R. Stubbs, chairman of the Republican state committee, and himself a candidate for senator, has come out in opposition to the state convention plan, but he offers in its place a suggestion that it be left to the people to decide at the polls. His plan is to have the next state convention adopt a resolution instructing that at the next general election in November a separate ballot be prepared to read "For United States Senator " allowing the electors to express their choice in this way. Mr. Stubbs' idea would be a good one but for one thing: It is illegal. No con vention could instruct what shall be done at an election. No election board could- be required to take charge of the extra ballot box and ballots, nor to count them, and It would be illegal to maintain a party primary in connection with the regular polls. In the last legislature Senator Wag gener introduced a measure providing for submitting the senatorial question to the people at the election. Had this been adopted , it would have made legal and practical the idea that is now ad vocated by Mr. Stubbs, and the election boards would have been obliged to carrj; it out. In this connection Senator Wat gene." writes: "The Hon. Walter Roscoe Stubbs is, always first to get into the band wagon. The senate passed a bill providing for securing an expression of the will of the people for United States senator, and it was killed in the house. Mr. Stubbs says Long and Curtis killed it. Will Mr. Stubbs answer the following question: Did not several senators urge him to support the senate bill, and did he not say that he could not afford to do it, because it was introduced by a Demo crat? If he did not make such state ment, what effort did he make to pass the bill through the Stubbs house?" In view to Mr. Stubbs- opposition to the nomination of a senatorial candidate by the state convention, there is some wonder if this has anything to do with his delay in calling the state committee together to fix the date for state conven tion. Some people think Mr. Stubbs is purposely delaying the matter until some of the delegates to the state con vention have been elected, as they will be in a considerable number of counties during the coming month, but that does not necessarily follow. The State Journal cannot altogether endorse the plan of having the sena torial candidate named by the state convention. It has its good points, chief of which is that it would probably take the senatorial fight out of the leg islature and enable that body to do more real legislative work. In case a bad senatorial candidate were nomina ted it would also enable the people to express their displeasure at the polls by defeating the legislative candidate of that party, unless he should declare against the senatorial nominee. On the other hand the nomination of a senatorial candidate by the state con vention would come no nearer arriving at the choice of the people than would the legislature, if as near. Members of the legislature are frequently named on the senatorial issue alone. Delegates to the state convention will be chosen with reference to nominating candidates for fifteen state offices as well. There may be forty or fifty candidates for various offices before the convention. There would be all sortsof trades involving the senatorship and all the state offices. The politicians and traders would have full sway, and the men who could make the best combinations would win. The State Journal whines to offer this plan, if it is desired to secure an ex pression of the will of the people: Let the state convention adopt a resolution instructing the state committee to call a primary election at which the people can decide by popular vote whom they wish for senator. There is a demand for a new primary law and this will allow an opportunity to test that also; let the primaries be held all over the state on the same day. They could be held either before or after the general elec tion. By holding them after the elec tion, early in December for instance, the senatorial issue would he removed from the election of representatives, and the latter would be chosen on legisla tive issues only. This plan would be the same in effect as that proposed by Mr. Stubbs, except that it would be legal this year. What Is the Northwest Passage? From the Review of Reviews. This Northwest Passage may be briefly explained. The long coasts of the mainland are not clogged, like those on many other polar shores, with icebergs or glaciers or thick sea ice. The coast is low-, the tundra behind it is only a little higher than the sea, and conditions are not favorable for the formation and flow of glaciers. Icebergs, therefore, are not found, be cause in the Arctic they are merely the broken-off ends of glaciers. But from thirty to forty miles north of Point Barrow, the most northern point of the continent, stretches the great barrier of sea ice, with hum mocks and ridges thrust, by pressure, from twenty to fifty feet above the general level, so that when McClure's Investigator got into the heavy floe the ice sometimes rose around her as high as the yardarms. As no islands intervene for hundreds of miles east of Bering Sea to protect the coast from the polar pack, why is it that this heavy ice is not forced down upon the shores? , It is because the coa-stal waters are comparatively shallow and the sea ice grounds miles away; and farther east the coasts of the mainland are protect ed from the sea ice, not only by shal low water, but also by the islands that extend almost continuously from Banks Land to the Atlantic end of Hudson Strait. So the ice along the coast is of the winter's formation, and in summer it disappears entirely or is so narrowed by meltins as to leave channels of greater or less width that are navig able for two or three months. The fact is, as Lieutenant Wheeler, of our revenue cutter service recently said, this Northwest Passage has been made time and time again by the overlapping of the tracks of vessels between the I Atlantic and the Pacific. San Francisco whalers have already pushed far east ward beyond the Mackenzie delta and the mouth of the Coppermine river. Collinson, during-the Franklin search, took his vessofo eastward through these channels almost to the very waters from which the Gjoa started last sum mer, and a short sledge journey farther east brought him" within sight of King William land, but he little dreamed that the bodies of many of the men he was seeking were scattered along its shores. In time this route mav be of some importance. Mineral resources have leen found along the northern edge of Canada, and some day they will be de veloped. This water route is by no means ideal, but, to some extent, it will facilitate the operations of miners and whalers. A Question of Conscience. From the Chicago Record-Herald. "Has any man a right to resort to trickery and fraud to accomplish any thing?" asks John D. Rockefeller, Jr. "I know it is done, but can we reconcile it with our own conscience?" The problem is as old as man, and as it has worked out up to the present time the reconciliation seems to depend very largely upon the quality of the conscience. Now, when an investigation is made into Standard Oil we discover that the conscience which sustains and uplifts that organization is remarkable for its toughness and also for its elasticity. Mr. Rogers on the witness stand was thoroughly self-satisfied, though it was perfectly obvious that his whole plan of campaign was one of tricks and subter fuges. But perhaps the end justified the means, and the ultimate object of Mr. Rockefeller's inquiry was to find out whether such means were ever justified by any object. What would Rogers, the self-sufficient, say or rather think on this point? Undoubtedly that the great end of life was to monopolize the earth for Rogers, and that anything that conduced to that end was proper and laudable. There you have the answer of one completely reconciled individual con science. But we cannot commend it for universal acceptance. It seems rather to emphasize tiie need of reducing de pendence on Mr. Rogers' conscience to a minimum. JOUIUfAL 2nRlES We give fair warning that no poems on the beautiful snow will be consid ered by this department unless accom panied by a certificate showing thai the author has taken out his or her poet's license for 1H06. m m The Capital prints this as news: "So many of the state officials are away from home taht it is necessary to do business with the assistants." I the opposite were true it would be real news. The word "agrarian" is being work ed pretty hard here of late. Another rule of this department concerning poetry is that its meter can net be measured by the gas meter. . s The way Mr. Rogers testifies in New York sounds familiar to a Kansas man. It reminds him of an old toper's testimony in a liquor case. m i The dove of peace appears to be mighty "skeery" when it is roosting around between France and Germany. So far President Roosevelt has been elected by a lot of people' who don't have anything to say about it. to pre side over both Harvard and the Uni versity of Chicago. One of these days we may wake up and find a college trust has been formed with Roosevelt at the head of it. It is noted with regret that "Farm er" Smith of MoPherson was absent from the agricultural meetings in To peka this week for the first time in years. It is suspected that the reason was because he is farming his farm this year instead of trying to farm the farmers. jr il j J AY HA WKER JOTS !; There was an eruption up at Esbon the other day, but it was caused by a postofflce appointment and not an earthquake. The editor of the Alma Signal con fesses that he never could appreciate the best sermon he ever heard after the clock strikes twelve. Jewell Republican: A $552 bunch of hogs was sold off the Mitchell countv poor farm last week. We reckon this is the only country in the world where even the poor farms pay dividends. Parsons thinks it is big enough now to try on a street railway. Anyone who has a street railway about his person that he is willing to dispose of would confer a favor by notifying Par sons. A new use for the telephone was dis covered in Jewell the other day. A team belonging to F. W. Bevington, formerly representative from Jewell county, ran awav and headed for a farm west of town. Mrs. Bevington stepped to a telephone and called up a man living on the road the team took, and he ran out and stopped them. GLOBE SIGHTS. From the Atchison Globe. F.ver think how much more you see of tiresome people than you do of interest ing ones? , Alter the children have grown up and gone it never brings joy to a woman to call attention to the . immaculate condi tion of her house. You mav depend upon it that when peo ple burn the candle at both ends it is not to have the light to work by, but to il luminate some folly. Everv man is willing to keep his right hand from knowing the good deeds his left hand does, providing the neighbors will only find them out. In a little town a woman with a past is pointed out in the same way as the res idences of prominent citizens, the postof fice, court house, etc. Some very frail looking people who look as if they hadn't strength to lift a pound will swing the biggest hammer when it comes to knocking. It seems that a woman can't become so accustomed to children that she isn't sur prised every time she goes to the cake box at seeing how- little there is left. Whv is it that when a man appears with his throat wrapped the people get sissy impressions of him. but when a wo man wraps up her throat, it is regarded as a sensible precaution? Atchison is a very original town. There are a number of old women in the county hospital, and not one of them makes the claim that she was once young and wealthy, and danced with the Prince of Wales. When people are in church they speak low and solemn though the services may not have begun, and they would disturb no one if they talked out loud. The same people, when entering a business office, will talk as loud as if calling the cows home. Still, a low voice is more neces sary in the business office at all times tiian in a church before the services be gin. A low voice is proper in church: It is a necessity in a business officeJiyt few seem to recognize it. K A1U AS COMMENT- HADLEY'S GOOD WORK. Attorney General Hadley of Mis souri, in the investigation of the Standard Oil tfust which is being con ducted in New York, in the proceed ings to compel the trust to quit doing business in Missouri, is making marked progress against every ob stacle that can be thrown in his way by the oil people. By a system of evasion, H. H. Rogers, the Standard Oil vice president, consumed much time in his examination, but Mr. Had ley is getting at the facts and will dig out enough evidence to prove his case. Mr. Rogers' manner of evading the thruth is the strongest evidence against his companies. If his organ ization was what he pretends it is, there would be no occasion for the evasion and mystification in his testi mony. Mr. Hadley is doing fine work, and in keeping Rogers on the rack he is getting much more of the truth than that oily individual had any pur pose of disclosing. Miami Repub lican. , AN OVERSIGHT. Up to the time of going to press, none of the boss busters seem to have been able to prove Cyr-us Leland re sponsible for the recent earthquake. This is a matter of the greatest im portance, and should bo no longer neglected. Burlingame Chronicle. o-. BOSS BUSTERISM. Governor Herrick of Ohio, who was defeated for re-election last fall, seems to have learned something by his experience. In his rocent message to the legislature he advocates a law to abolish the lobby which in the past has exerted such deleterious influence on honest legislation. The people of Ohio did not wait for the legislature to pass a law to abolish the bosses, they simply went to the polls and abolished them. If it should turn out in Ohio as it did in Kansas that the bossbusters prove worse than the bossies the Ohio voters should proceed to give the boss busters the same kind of a dose the people of Kansas seem to have in re serve for our bossbusters who do not seem to have either the disposition or ability to "bust" anything but the moral law and honesty and decency. -Holton Recorder. OF COURSE. Senator Depew- has testified that he believed Mr. Hyde earned the $100,- 000 ho got as vice president of the Equitable Insurance company. But did you ever see a grafter who didn't think a brother grafter earned all he was able to get his hands on? Marion Headlight. o TALKING AND ACTING. It has taken a year for Governor Hoch to get a report from his expert, on the state treasury examination and it has net yet been given out. If the governor would act as he talks, this report would have been completed many months ago. Miami Republi can. ROOSEJVEDT AN D P ATT I SON. John M. Pattison, '.he new Demo cratic govetrnor of Ohio, warmlv com mends the policies of President Roose velt in his inaugural, address. This is not to be wondered at, since it h is been whispered that the president was not very grreatly shocked when the people of Ohio made Mr. Pattison governor. Burlingame Chronicle. BURTON. . -The story that Senator Burton will resign has Iheen revived. If Burton resigns it wo n't he because he has con scientious scruples against drawing pav and giv:nig no service in return. It "will be because he has a tip that the senate is geiring ready to throw him out. or because he can make some thing by it. The fact that the state suffers by his hanging on does not dis turb Burton.. Holton Signal. THE MARTYR BUSINESS. Geronimo. who has just taken his eighth squaw-wife, seems determined to continue in the martyr business as long as he lives. Los Angeles Express. REFORMERS, It's nemarkable how hot for reform c-,.,.u .ju OHell Mre nftpr thpv are licked. Philadelphia North American. L NOTHING TO BOAST OF Now that we begin to see how some of our best-known "self-made men" did it, possibly we will be a bit less chesty about them. Charleston News and Courier. ONE ADVANTAGE. At least one thing can be said of "Faust" without a chorus. There be ing less volume of sound from the stage, conversation during the perform ance is much less difficult. Indian apolis News. AN INSPECTION NEEDED. If, -as some of the congressmen sus pect. Morales has carried his govern ment away with him, it would be well herafter not to allow any South Ameri can president to leave home without having his suit case inspected. Wash ington Stan. o THE DANGER. Don't piush a desperate man too far. Odell may carry his grievance into the magazines. Chicago Tribune. NONE NEEDED. "Ten honest men in Wall street," says Law-son. And Wall street hasn't de manded a recount yet. New York Mail. FOTtAKERSSIJRPRISE. Senator Foraker says he is surprised that so many senators "follow blindly the president's views on rates legis lation." No one will be surprised at this. Los Angeles Express. NEW YORK'S OPINION. "Earthquake shock felt in Kansas, Nebraska, and Missouri. distinct at Topeka." AVhy this cryptic message from Kansas City? Of course, it was only another roar from Trust Buster Hoch, whose voice shakes three states. New York Evening Post. GOOD GROUNDS. A St. Louis man wants a divorce be cause his wife, a Chicago girl, refuses to live in Missouri's chief city. Wouldn't this justify the wife in filing a cross suit on the ground of "cruel and unusual punishment?" New York Herald. NO TIME FOR THAT. Uncle Russell Sage is nearly ninety years old and in feeble health, but he has no time to think about dying with call money soaring at from fifty to one hundred per cent. Houston Post. AFTER CHRISTMAS. Now come the bargain days, w-hich are supposed to be lucky days of those who still have some wants unsatis fied and some money unspent. Phila delphia Inquirer. FROM OTHER PENS THE THREE MOTTOES. I asked the New Year for some motto sweet, . Some rule of life by which to guide my feet ; .- I asked and paused. He answered soft and low "God's will to know." "Will knowledge then, suffice, New Yoar?" I cried. But ere the question into silence died The answer came: "Nay, this remember, too God's will to do." Once more I asked: "Is there still more to tell'." And once again the answer fell: 'Yea. this one thing all other things ;f; above God's will to love." Unidentified. The Modern West. Describing conditions in New- Mexico and Arizona, with reference to joint statehood, M. G. Cunniff tells of their rapid development, in The World's Work for January: Neither territory is the wild waste of cactus grown desert and bare mountain range, dotted here and there with law less mining camps and peopled by "bad men," cowboys and Jack Hamiin gam blers, that fiction has printed. Life in them is no more like that in the "Ari zona Kicker" and in current cheap tales of western life, than the California min ing camps of today are like those that Bret Harte pictured. In the populated districts, it is safer w ithout a "gun" than with one. There is probablv less violence in any one day in the territories than on the same day in New York or Chicago. The towns have broad, clean streets and sidewalks, electric lights, good water systems, trolley lines, ex cellent schools. I would rather send my children to the public schools of Pres cott, Ariz., than to most of those in New York the teaching and the association would be as good, the sanitation better. Women Among Czar's Spies. Some of the most valuable and least suspected spies tiiat guard the czar are women of high rank, who frequent the. aristocratic salons of Petersburg and Moscow and even go as far afield as the Siberian cities of Tomsk, Tobolsk and Irkutsk. There are also spies among the Im perial guards, and for these men the entire army and reserves of imperial Rus sia are ransacked. Among them one finds men from the Don and Dnieper cossacks. the Mohammedan forces from Kazan, the Caucasian provinces, and even from far Kashgar in central Asia, as well as from the imperial Probajensky and Pavlovski guards. The unquestioning and doglike fidelity of these men is wonderful, says Harper's Weekly. They are absolutely fearless, of great physical strength and mentally of unusual acumen and fore sight. There are nearly 1,000 of these military guards constantly employed in and about the park and palace of Tsars-koe-Selo. One might suppose that the Emperor Nicholas would sleep peacefully surround ed by this amazing human network of protection. Yet revolutionists penetrate the royal apartments and leave letters of sinister menace and warning, which must often suggest to the unhappy mon arch that it might be as well for him to do away with this far reaching system of espionage and mingle freely with his peo ple. He dot a New Pana. Jacob Schaefer, aged 7, had been out of school and his absence was being in quired into. "I was out walking." he explained, glibly; "I was out walking with my mamma and papa." "Oh, were oyu?" returned the teacher. Then, fixing stern eyes on the culprit, she continued: "I thought you told me your father was dead?" Here she paused and waited for Ja cob to wilt. Jacob did nothing of the sort. Instead, bristling with importance, he said: "An' so he is dead, but my mamma put a 'for let' sign in our parlor win dow last month an' now I got a new papa." Exchange. Poultry looking. A comfortable looking man. but with a celluloid collar and ready made four-in-hand tie, walked up to one of the employes of the Colonial hotel a day or two ago and inquired: "Have you seen anything of my broth er about the lobby here?" "What sort of a looking man is he?" The other wanted to convey the im pression that his brother was a man with a good deal of avoirdupois, but what he replied was this: "Why he's a large poultry looking gentleman, about like me." Cleveland Plain Dealer.. QUAKER REFLECTIONS. From the Philadelphia Record. Borrow trouble, see double. Fools rush in where angels fear to wed. The way of the transgressor is hard to beat. Procrastination is seldom inspired by the dinner bell. Even the milk of human kindness may contain a few germs. No, Maude, dear; there is no simi larity between an heirloom and a wind mill. If a man is made of dust, one is apt to wonder how dust ever became a synonym for money. Mistress (engaging new cook) "Have you a reference?" Cook "Dozens of them, mum; dozens of them." Some people regard a collection basket as a slot machine, in which they drop a dime with the hope of getting out a dollar's worth of religion. Wigsr "Shakespeare speaks of the stuff that dreams are made of." Wagg "I didn't suppose they had Welsh rarebits in Shakespeare's day." Wigwag "Are you getting any testi monials for your consumption cure?" Dr. Quackly "Oh, yes. Here's a bully one from a Chinaman, named Wun Lung. He writes: 'After taking two bottles of your medicine I have changed my name." The world is full of misery, And like as not 'twill always be; For misery is simply one Of pessimists' ideas of fun. POINTED PARAGRAPHS. From the Chicago News. Even tained money may make a tidy sum. The nearer a man gets to fame the smaller it looks. Our idea of a miserable man is a miser who is in love. Truth is stranger than fiction to the av erage married woman. Time is money, but it's better to be in a hurry than broke. Only one kind of women do not care for pretty clothes dead ones. Man hopes for the best, but woman in sists on having something better. A woman is never satisfied until her husband is rated in the society blue book. Some people imagine that they are nev er talked about because they never hear it. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR From the New York Press. Some girls would never flirt with any man they did not meet. A loud noise is a sign that the man making it thinks he is a good arguer. The woman that raises children to re spect her does it without any theories. It's awful clever the way a girl can look as if she didn't understand what you had done when it as to kiss her. It is funny how a girl of 16 always wants to look like one of -6 and one of 6 like one of 16. Ah CA rj Tummy Liptqn seems to vant dot cup mighty bad. Berhaps he vill get id, yes? Uf he do, id should be knows es "der tea cup." Mrs. Hisrbie uf Brooklyn knocked der stuffiing oudt uf a stiff vot ad dempted to gedt gay mit her. Goot bizness fer Mrs. Higbie in Topeka. Vile she vas knocking oudt der many mashers, she could do goot py teach ing her sdyle uf fisslcal agriculture to uer gons. Der cidy should now hire a herd uf chimney sweeps to remoof der fedders from dot $18,000 pipe oragan, iind uf der folks vot lif close py der Audy torium dondt gedt oudt a injunction, dey should also rais der vindows. Dokter Wiley iss all vorked oop pecaus sefendy per cents uf der boor in Vashington iss snide. Uf der Dokter came to Topeka, vere a hun- derd-und-sigsty per cents uf der boos iss made uf H2-S-04, plug-tobacco, iodine und tan-bark, he vould haf de licious triangles from chusd tinking aboudt id. Ve oserf resendly dot der un luckiesd man in der vorld haf peeu discofered in Callyforny. Vonce hee vas a habby, care-free hired man on a farm, but he eloops-der-loop mit der bosses' vife, und afder hafing to lif mit her fer fourdeen yearss, she kicks der bucket mit all uf hiss broperty in her name. Den conies along der "wronged husspand," und coppers der pile. L'f dis looser efer gedts to Heafen, he can gif Uncle Job cards und spades in a hard-Iuck-sdory contesd. TO DER HALF-BAKED KIDS MIT DER BAD-MAN MICROBE. Do doubt you haf opserf py der bapeps dot der kid vot make der ad dempt ad friskency ad der hagh school der Oder night, vas real sorry afder he had been ketched und cooped py der kids vot he try to frisk. He feldt real cheap and so fort, ven hiss Moder cames py der coundy chail and talk mit him trough der slats. LTf he had rigger dot all oudt vile he vas making dem bogus viskers mit hiss Moder's needles und timble, und lining der same mit a piece uf his Moder's oldt skirt, berhaps he vould haf use all not vork to make a liddle honesd money. But he didtndt, und, cs dey allvays do, he gedts id in der neck. Uf der kid behind der nickel counter vas peen a sofd von, mit der nerf uf a half-growed hen, der bad von vould haf reaped berhaps a hon dered sheckles in small change, und had a chance to spendt a liddle uf id pefore der cops nailed him. Der nail ing pardt iss a foregone conclusion ing, und nod to be oferlooked. Id iss sure to came. Es id vos, der oder kid had dot mi crobe vot men calls nerfe und vimmin's calls bravery, und he makes bitsness pick opp for "it" mit der phony visk ers und der dinkey liddle dirty-two. Hence, derefore, der kid vot hap peen reading und soaking oop "Dur rango Dan, der Dangerous Dago," und oder such litterary mixtures, gedts hiss py fasd mail. Kids, rigger id down to a bitzness proppysition, cutting oudt der family feeling, vich vill be a big idem afder der ball iss ofer. Figger id like dis: Here iss a feller vot puys sefen dollars vort uf junk, purglar lamp, pistol, et cetera, und spendts sefendeen dollars vort' uf dime making sefen cendts vort uf purglar viskers, vich goes oudt to reap der revard. Ad der besd, uf he make good in der venwre, he cannod spend more den ten dollers uf der ketch mitoudt eggsiting sus picionings, und den comes der pinch. He iss oudt, peside der discomforts uf der slat house, fourdeen dollars. Also, he dakes a nine-to-one shot, vich iss more den der nerviesd gambler vill sday mit, uf gedding sh'ot er kicked to sleeb py der feller vich he tries to rob. You may readily opserf dot he iss looser finantifically. Also, dere iss Moder. FUELISHNESS. Vally Vellman Vants der Pole; Berhaps he vants to purn id A!i,,., 1 V Pecause der brice uf furnace coal Iss someding awful, dem id! Und dot vill be all fer dis dime. HANZ ZUPP. Ella Bella told me that you told her that secret I told you not to tell hrr. Stella She's a mean thing I told her not to tell you I told her. Ella Well, I told her I wouldn't toll you she told me so don't tell her I did. Jud;e.