IIS TOPEEA DAILY
JOUR IT An, S U 1? DA Y HOB N I IT G.
-. .A alAlb tiuLitJiij.
By FRANK P. MAC LEXXAX.
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U:'ntered July 1, 1S75, as second class
Us;. tier at the postoffice at Topeka, Kan.,
under the act of congress.
.volt; ME XXXIII
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The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
teiettraph report of that great news or
ganization for exclusive evening publi
cation. The Slate Journal receives for exclusive
jublieation the leased wire report of the
J'uMJshera' Press for the edition for Sun
The news is received in the State Jour
nal building: over wires for this sole pur
pose. Wall street appears to be rushing on
to ruin just as though Mr. Schiff had
not said a word.
Mrs. Chadwick at last has landed
In the penitentiary, but there is still
a large number of more notorious
swindlers at large.
If Roosevelt shall become president
cf Chicago university may -we not ex
pect that a course in bear hunting- will
be added to the curriculum?
In forcing- the lower class men to
T!ay automobile, Annapolis hazers ap
pear to have provided for everything
pertaining to the machine except the
The senate has found another ex
cuse for delaying- the construction of
the Panama canal. It is not hard to
see why the railroads insist on owning
so many United States senators.
The man who called in his friends,
announced that he had a great joke
for them, and committed suicide be
fore their eyes, might justly be re
garded as "carrying a joke too far."
The cotton combine has decided
upon 13 cents per pound as the price
at which the crop shall be sold. Pur
chasers of calico and muslin will have
occasion to remember this when they
go to buy.
President Roosevelt might prove a
worthy successor to President Harper
es the head of Chicago university in
most respects, but it is doubtful if he
could ever ea.ual the departed
scholar's ability in touching the Rock
efeller check book.
The "wicked partner" is making his
appearance in the Standard Oil inves
tigation. One man has testified to the
Rood qualities of John D. Rockefeller.
Being a good man it is quite natural
that he should withdraw from the ac
tive management of the concern and
merely take the money.
The family of a drunkard In Chi
cago has secured a judgment of $17,
600 against the saloon keepers who
Kold him liquor. If they succeed in
collecting it a new industry may
spring up. Other husbands may be
Jed to secure "easy money" for their
families in the same agreeable way.
A resolution asking Senator Depew
to resign has been introduced a sec
ond time in the New York legislature.
If he should comply with the sugges
tion, it is safe to predict that Piatt
wiil not voluntarily Indulge in any
"me to" business, as he did when
Conkiin staiked out of the senate.
The man who expects to become
the son-in-iaw of the president has
joined the ranks of those who want
to drop the Philippines as soon as it
can be done consistently. Probably
no one now living will see the islands
relinquished by the United States.
When they have attained a condition
warranting the granting of their inde
pendence all occasion for such action
will have disappeared.
The cotton growers of the south have
formed a trust that may need looking
after some day. The members have
doubled the price of their product with
in the past year and are about to take
steps to boost it another 25 per cent.
One of the methods employed is the
restriction of production. Similar ac
tions on the part of the coal men bring
denunciation from the entire country.
We appear to have he cotton baron
Congressman Murdock informs the
Elate Journal that the Garden City
irrigation project is not being delayed
because of lack of contracts for irrigat
ing with Finney county farmers, as was
recently stated in Washington dispatch
es. Mr. Murdock says the contracts
have all been made. To the young auburn-haired
congressman from the Sev
enth district, by the way, belongs most
ff the credit for this Garden City pro
ject. No one eise had accomplished
anything with the Washington authori
ties until he went there. Although new
at the business he immediately begun
investigations, to get some sort of an
irrigation experiment for his district.
It w as up-hill work, but he kept hammering-
away until be got it, and he is
e'ill working at it, although he has
been legislated out of that d.'etrict and
A SERMON FOR. TODAY.
Treasures of wickedness profit nothing:
but righteousness deliver from death.
Proverbs 10: J.
Up at Junction City the idea has
long existed that saloons are a neces
sity for the town in order to get the
soldiers to come over from Fort Riley
and spend their money. Accordingly
saloons have been allowed to run al
most uninterruptedly in Junction City
for years. Junction City people are
naturally no worse than those of other
towns, yet the criminal records of the
town are much more crowded than
those of similar Kansas towns in
which the saloons are suppressed.
Junction City whisky has been the
cause of innumerable crimes. Scarcely
a month goes by without its record of
whisky crimes, and in the course of a
year several murders usually stand out
black on the list.
And in return for it the city gov
ernment receives six or eight thou
sand dollars in revenue from the sa
loons, but it is doubtful if the legiti
mate business interests of the town
gain a dollar by reason of increased
trade attracted by the saloons; for the
saloons take in many thousands of
dollars that would otherwise go to
But the question of dollars and cents
is only a small one compared with the
ruin and misery the saloons bring.
Does it pay to license saloons and reap
a harvest of crime, ruined manhood
and lost souls as a consequence?
One of the usual whisky crimes
was committed in Junction City a few
nights ago, which the Manhattan Re
public makes the subject for a few
observations which are so pertinent
that they are reproduced here:
"What is the price to put on a man?
What is he worth? This question
comes to mind in connection with the
shooting scrape at Junction City, Sat
urday night. Junction City finds
the saloons profitable; the revenue
amounts to $6,000 or $S,000 or more
perhaps each year from its licensed
"Does it pay? Well, what is a man
worth? If a railroad company kills
most any sort of a man, the custom
has been in a measure established to
give approximately $10,000 as his
"Is the average man worth $10,000?
Ask his mother if she thinks that will
pay for all the terrible suffering, for
the care, the sleepless nights, the
agony of sickness and the daily
thought lavished upon him, necessary
to bring him to manhood's estate, to
say nothing of the actual monetary
outlay. Would any ordinary woman
agree to undertake the same suffering
care, thought, work and worry, with
the attendant actual expense necessary
to bring a boy to manhood for just
the sum of $10,000 $300 per year,
about $40 per month? Would she?
But say that a man is worth only
$10,000, how many men must be de
stroyed in Junction City each year
before the cost in men exceeds the
revenue to the city, and all other
profit, if any, derived from their sa
loons? How many murders does Junc
tion City average each year? One,
two, three how many? No, they
were not all toughs, some mighty
good men have been killed in Junction
City in the past ten years.
"And then the murders are but a
fraction of the cost. Men stupefied
with whisky have frozen to death;
men stupefied with liquor have de
stroyed property, been guilty of rob
bery, have assaulted and tried to kill
"And this is but a fraction of the
cost. Men's souls have been destroy
ed, their ambitions and ideals killed
and their wrecked bodies left valueless
aye, worse, an expense to society.
"And this is not all the cost. The
souls yes, bodies, minds and souls
of women must be entered in the
"And this is not all the cost. There
is the cost in dollars and cents at first
hand, the only kind of costs that seem
to count with some people. There is
the cost of courts and police that go a
long ways. There is the cost of dead
beat accounts; there is the inevitable
cost that follows liquor, that of gam
bling. Merchants have lost money
from the drawer, they have lost ac
counts that ought to have been good,
all on account of gambling.
"What is a man worth anyway?
His money, his ideals, his ambitions,
his usefulness as a worker, his mind,
his body, his life, and at the bitter end,
nis soul what is it all worth?
"Will the revenue from liquor pay
for the men it destroys in Junction or
"Junction City is not a bad town.
It is a live town. It has thousands of
splendid people. They are intellect
ual, progressive; they appreciate and
seek for the good things, the ethical
things, of life. The average of the
people is probably above that of most
towns and it has a large circle of dis
tinctly superior people. It makes the
wonder all the greater that they
should sell a portion of their social
life for such a miserable mess of com
mercial pottage. They have become
near sighted, do not recognize true
values as they should and they never
stop to inquire w hat is the worth of a
man. Some day they will know."
The irony of fate is shown by the
outcome of the lawsuit over the prop
erty of Mrs. Kate Brandt, the Man
kato woman who was murdered by
her husband about three years ago.
Her husband is said to have killed her
to get possession of her property, hut
he had to assign it to his lawyer to
pay the lawyer for defending him,
and still hp was sent to the peniten
tiary. When the lawyer tried to take
possession of the property the wo
man's relatives stepped in and de
nied the right of the husband who
had killed the wife to take the prop
erty. They contended that it should
go to her natural heirs aside from her
husband. The lawyer had to hire an
other lawyer to help him in the law
suit over the property, which was car
ried through the supreme court. The
supreme court has decided that the
husband would inherit the property,
but most of it will go to the second
lawyer, who had nothing to do with
the case In the first place.
NOMINATION' OF SENATOR.
The discussion as to the best method
for nominating the Republican candi
date for United States senator Is wax
ing warmer and warmer. There Is a
pronounced sentiment over the state in
favor of having the state convention
name a candidate, but there is also some
opposition to that plan.
Mr. W. R. Stubbs, chairman of the
Republican state committee, and himself
a candidate for senator, has come out in
opposition to the state convention plan,
but he offers in its place a suggestion
that it be left to the people to decide
at the polls. His plan is to have the
next state convention adopt a resolution
instructing that at the next general
election in November a separate ballot
be prepared to read "For United States
Senator " allowing the electors to
express their choice in this way.
Mr. Stubbs' idea would be a good one
but for one thing: It is illegal. No con
vention could instruct what shall be
done at an election. No election board
could- be required to take charge of
the extra ballot box and ballots, nor to
count them, and It would be illegal to
maintain a party primary in connection
with the regular polls.
In the last legislature Senator Wag
gener introduced a measure providing
for submitting the senatorial question
to the people at the election. Had this
been adopted , it would have made legal
and practical the idea that is now ad
vocated by Mr. Stubbs, and the election
boards would have been obliged to carrj;
it out. In this connection Senator Wat
"The Hon. Walter Roscoe Stubbs is,
always first to get into the band wagon.
The senate passed a bill providing for
securing an expression of the will of the
people for United States senator, and it
was killed in the house. Mr. Stubbs says
Long and Curtis killed it. Will Mr.
Stubbs answer the following question:
Did not several senators urge him to
support the senate bill, and did he not
say that he could not afford to do it,
because it was introduced by a Demo
crat? If he did not make such state
ment, what effort did he make to pass
the bill through the Stubbs house?"
In view to Mr. Stubbs- opposition to
the nomination of a senatorial candidate
by the state convention, there is some
wonder if this has anything to do with
his delay in calling the state committee
together to fix the date for state conven
tion. Some people think Mr. Stubbs is
purposely delaying the matter until
some of the delegates to the state con
vention have been elected, as they will
be in a considerable number of counties
during the coming month, but that does
not necessarily follow.
The State Journal cannot altogether
endorse the plan of having the sena
torial candidate named by the state
convention. It has its good points,
chief of which is that it would probably
take the senatorial fight out of the leg
islature and enable that body to do
more real legislative work. In case a
bad senatorial candidate were nomina
ted it would also enable the people to
express their displeasure at the polls by
defeating the legislative candidate of
that party, unless he should declare
against the senatorial nominee.
On the other hand the nomination of
a senatorial candidate by the state con
vention would come no nearer arriving
at the choice of the people than would
the legislature, if as near. Members of
the legislature are frequently named on
the senatorial issue alone. Delegates to
the state convention will be chosen with
reference to nominating candidates for
fifteen state offices as well. There may
be forty or fifty candidates for various
offices before the convention. There
would be all sortsof trades involving the
senatorship and all the state offices. The
politicians and traders would have full
sway, and the men who could make the
best combinations would win.
The State Journal whines to offer this
plan, if it is desired to secure an ex
pression of the will of the people: Let
the state convention adopt a resolution
instructing the state committee to call
a primary election at which the people
can decide by popular vote whom they
wish for senator. There is a demand for
a new primary law and this will allow
an opportunity to test that also; let the
primaries be held all over the state on
the same day. They could be held
either before or after the general elec
tion. By holding them after the elec
tion, early in December for instance,
the senatorial issue would he removed
from the election of representatives, and
the latter would be chosen on legisla
tive issues only.
This plan would be the same in effect
as that proposed by Mr. Stubbs, except
that it would be legal this year.
What Is the Northwest Passage?
From the Review of Reviews.
This Northwest Passage may be
briefly explained. The long coasts of
the mainland are not clogged, like
those on many other polar shores, with
icebergs or glaciers or thick sea ice.
The coast is low-, the tundra behind it
is only a little higher than the sea,
and conditions are not favorable for
the formation and flow of glaciers.
Icebergs, therefore, are not found, be
cause in the Arctic they are merely the
broken-off ends of glaciers.
But from thirty to forty miles north
of Point Barrow, the most northern
point of the continent, stretches the
great barrier of sea ice, with hum
mocks and ridges thrust, by pressure,
from twenty to fifty feet above the
general level, so that when McClure's
Investigator got into the heavy floe
the ice sometimes rose around her as
high as the yardarms. As no islands
intervene for hundreds of miles east of
Bering Sea to protect the coast from
the polar pack, why is it that this heavy
ice is not forced down upon the
It is because the coa-stal waters are
comparatively shallow and the sea ice
grounds miles away; and farther east
the coasts of the mainland are protect
ed from the sea ice, not only by shal
low water, but also by the islands that
extend almost continuously from
Banks Land to the Atlantic end of
So the ice along the coast is of the
winter's formation, and in summer it
disappears entirely or is so narrowed
by meltins as to leave channels of
greater or less width that are navig
able for two or three months. The
fact is, as Lieutenant Wheeler, of our
revenue cutter service recently said,
this Northwest Passage has been made
time and time again by the overlapping
of the tracks of vessels between the
I Atlantic and the Pacific. San Francisco
whalers have already pushed far east
ward beyond the Mackenzie delta and
the mouth of the Coppermine river.
Collinson, during-the Franklin search,
took his vessofo eastward through these
channels almost to the very waters
from which the Gjoa started last sum
mer, and a short sledge journey farther
east brought him" within sight of King
William land, but he little dreamed
that the bodies of many of the men
he was seeking were scattered along
In time this route mav be of some
importance. Mineral resources have
leen found along the northern edge of
Canada, and some day they will be de
veloped. This water route is by no
means ideal, but, to some extent, it will
facilitate the operations of miners and
A Question of Conscience.
From the Chicago Record-Herald.
"Has any man a right to resort to
trickery and fraud to accomplish any
thing?" asks John D. Rockefeller, Jr.
"I know it is done, but can we reconcile
it with our own conscience?"
The problem is as old as man, and
as it has worked out up to the present
time the reconciliation seems to depend
very largely upon the quality of the
Now, when an investigation is made
into Standard Oil we discover that the
conscience which sustains and uplifts
that organization is remarkable for its
toughness and also for its elasticity.
Mr. Rogers on the witness stand was
thoroughly self-satisfied, though it was
perfectly obvious that his whole plan of
campaign was one of tricks and subter
fuges. But perhaps the end justified the
means, and the ultimate object of Mr.
Rockefeller's inquiry was to find out
whether such means were ever justified
by any object.
What would Rogers, the self-sufficient,
say or rather think on this point?
Undoubtedly that the great end of life
was to monopolize the earth for Rogers,
and that anything that conduced to that
end was proper and laudable.
There you have the answer of one
completely reconciled individual con
science. But we cannot commend it for
universal acceptance. It seems rather
to emphasize tiie need of reducing de
pendence on Mr. Rogers' conscience to
We give fair warning that no poems
on the beautiful snow will be consid
ered by this department unless accom
panied by a certificate showing thai
the author has taken out his or her
poet's license for 1H06.
The Capital prints this as news: "So
many of the state officials are away
from home taht it is necessary to do
business with the assistants." I the
opposite were true it would be real
The word "agrarian" is being work
ed pretty hard here of late.
Another rule of this department
concerning poetry is that its meter
can net be measured by the gas meter.
The way Mr. Rogers testifies in New
York sounds familiar to a Kansas
man. It reminds him of an old toper's
testimony in a liquor case.
The dove of peace appears to be
mighty "skeery" when it is roosting
around between France and Germany.
So far President Roosevelt has been
elected by a lot of people' who don't
have anything to say about it. to pre
side over both Harvard and the Uni
versity of Chicago. One of these days
we may wake up and find a college
trust has been formed with Roosevelt
at the head of it.
It is noted with regret that "Farm
er" Smith of MoPherson was absent
from the agricultural meetings in To
peka this week for the first time in
years. It is suspected that the reason
was because he is farming his farm
this year instead of trying to farm the
j J AY HA WKER JOTS !;
There was an eruption up at Esbon
the other day, but it was caused by a
postofflce appointment and not an
The editor of the Alma Signal con
fesses that he never could appreciate
the best sermon he ever heard after
the clock strikes twelve.
Jewell Republican: A $552 bunch
of hogs was sold off the Mitchell
countv poor farm last week. We
reckon this is the only country in the
world where even the poor farms pay
dividends. Parsons thinks it is big enough now
to try on a street railway. Anyone
who has a street railway about his
person that he is willing to dispose of
would confer a favor by notifying Par
sons. A new use for the telephone was dis
covered in Jewell the other day. A
team belonging to F. W. Bevington,
formerly representative from Jewell
county, ran awav and headed for a
farm west of town. Mrs. Bevington
stepped to a telephone and called up a
man living on the road the team took,
and he ran out and stopped them.
From the Atchison Globe.
F.ver think how much more you see of
tiresome people than you do of interest
ing ones? ,
Alter the children have grown up and
gone it never brings joy to a woman to
call attention to the . immaculate condi
tion of her house.
You mav depend upon it that when peo
ple burn the candle at both ends it is not
to have the light to work by, but to il
luminate some folly.
Everv man is willing to keep his right
hand from knowing the good deeds his
left hand does, providing the neighbors
will only find them out.
In a little town a woman with a past
is pointed out in the same way as the res
idences of prominent citizens, the postof
fice, court house, etc.
Some very frail looking people who look
as if they hadn't strength to lift a pound
will swing the biggest hammer when it
comes to knocking.
It seems that a woman can't become so
accustomed to children that she isn't sur
prised every time she goes to the cake
box at seeing how- little there is left.
Whv is it that when a man appears
with his throat wrapped the people get
sissy impressions of him. but when a wo
man wraps up her throat, it is regarded
as a sensible precaution?
Atchison is a very original town. There
are a number of old women in the county
hospital, and not one of them makes the
claim that she was once young and
wealthy, and danced with the Prince of
When people are in church they speak
low and solemn though the services may
not have begun, and they would disturb
no one if they talked out loud. The same
people, when entering a business office,
will talk as loud as if calling the cows
home. Still, a low voice is more neces
sary in the business office at all times
tiian in a church before the services be
gin. A low voice is proper in church:
It is a necessity in a business officeJiyt
few seem to recognize it.
K A1U AS COMMENT-
HADLEY'S GOOD WORK.
Attorney General Hadley of Mis
souri, in the investigation of the
Standard Oil tfust which is being con
ducted in New York, in the proceed
ings to compel the trust to quit doing
business in Missouri, is making
marked progress against every ob
stacle that can be thrown in his way
by the oil people. By a system of
evasion, H. H. Rogers, the Standard
Oil vice president, consumed much
time in his examination, but Mr. Had
ley is getting at the facts and will dig
out enough evidence to prove his case.
Mr. Rogers' manner of evading the
thruth is the strongest evidence
against his companies. If his organ
ization was what he pretends it is,
there would be no occasion for the
evasion and mystification in his testi
mony. Mr. Hadley is doing fine work,
and in keeping Rogers on the rack he
is getting much more of the truth
than that oily individual had any pur
pose of disclosing. Miami Repub
lican. , AN OVERSIGHT.
Up to the time of going to press,
none of the boss busters seem to have
been able to prove Cyr-us Leland re
sponsible for the recent earthquake.
This is a matter of the greatest im
portance, and should bo no longer
neglected. Burlingame Chronicle.
Governor Herrick of Ohio, who was
defeated for re-election last fall,
seems to have learned something by
his experience. In his rocent message
to the legislature he advocates a law
to abolish the lobby which in the past
has exerted such deleterious influence
on honest legislation. The people of
Ohio did not wait for the legislature to
pass a law to abolish the bosses, they
simply went to the polls and abolished
them. If it should turn out in Ohio
as it did in Kansas that the bossbusters
prove worse than the bossies the Ohio
voters should proceed to give the boss
busters the same kind of a dose the
people of Kansas seem to have in re
serve for our bossbusters who do not
seem to have either the disposition or
ability to "bust" anything but the
moral law and honesty and decency. -Holton
Senator Depew- has testified that he
believed Mr. Hyde earned the $100,-
000 ho got as vice president of the
Equitable Insurance company. But did
you ever see a grafter who didn't think
a brother grafter earned all he was
able to get his hands on? Marion
TALKING AND ACTING.
It has taken a year for Governor
Hoch to get a report from his expert,
on the state treasury examination and
it has net yet been given out. If the
governor would act as he talks, this
report would have been completed
many months ago. Miami Republi
can. ROOSEJVEDT AN D P ATT I SON.
John M. Pattison, '.he new Demo
cratic govetrnor of Ohio, warmlv com
mends the policies of President Roose
velt in his inaugural, address. This is
not to be wondered at, since it h is
been whispered that the president was
not very grreatly shocked when the
people of Ohio made Mr. Pattison
governor. Burlingame Chronicle.
BURTON. . -The
story that Senator Burton will
resign has Iheen revived. If Burton
resigns it wo n't he because he has con
scientious scruples against drawing
pav and giv:nig no service in return.
It "will be because he has a tip that the
senate is geiring ready to throw him
out. or because he can make some
thing by it. The fact that the state
suffers by his hanging on does not dis
turb Burton.. Holton Signal.
THE MARTYR BUSINESS.
Geronimo. who has just taken his
eighth squaw-wife, seems determined
to continue in the martyr business as
long as he lives. Los Angeles Express.
It's nemarkable how hot for reform
c-,.,.u .ju OHell Mre nftpr thpv are
licked. Philadelphia North American.
NOTHING TO BOAST OF
Now that we begin to see how some
of our best-known "self-made men"
did it, possibly we will be a bit less
chesty about them. Charleston News
At least one thing can be said of
"Faust" without a chorus. There be
ing less volume of sound from the
stage, conversation during the perform
ance is much less difficult. Indian
AN INSPECTION NEEDED.
If, -as some of the congressmen sus
pect. Morales has carried his govern
ment away with him, it would be well
herafter not to allow any South Ameri
can president to leave home without
having his suit case inspected. Wash
Don't piush a desperate man too far.
Odell may carry his grievance into the
magazines. Chicago Tribune.
"Ten honest men in Wall street," says
Law-son. And Wall street hasn't de
manded a recount yet. New York Mail.
Senator Foraker says he is surprised
that so many senators "follow blindly
the president's views on rates legis
lation." No one will be surprised at
this. Los Angeles Express.
NEW YORK'S OPINION.
"Earthquake shock felt in Kansas,
Nebraska, and Missouri. distinct at
Topeka." AVhy this cryptic message
from Kansas City? Of course, it was
only another roar from Trust Buster
Hoch, whose voice shakes three states.
New York Evening Post.
A St. Louis man wants a divorce be
cause his wife, a Chicago girl, refuses
to live in Missouri's chief city.
Wouldn't this justify the wife in filing
a cross suit on the ground of "cruel
and unusual punishment?" New York
NO TIME FOR THAT.
Uncle Russell Sage is nearly ninety
years old and in feeble health, but he
has no time to think about dying with
call money soaring at from fifty to one
hundred per cent. Houston Post.
Now come the bargain days, w-hich
are supposed to be lucky days of those
who still have some wants unsatis
fied and some money unspent. Phila
FROM OTHER PENS
THE THREE MOTTOES.
I asked the New Year for some motto
Some rule of life by which to guide my
feet ; .-
I asked and paused. He answered soft
"God's will to know."
"Will knowledge then, suffice, New
Yoar?" I cried.
But ere the question into silence died
The answer came: "Nay, this remember,
God's will to do."
Once more I asked: "Is there still more to
And once again the answer fell:
'Yea. this one thing all other things
God's will to love."
The Modern West.
Describing conditions in New- Mexico
and Arizona, with reference to joint
statehood, M. G. Cunniff tells of
their rapid development, in The World's
Work for January:
Neither territory is the wild waste of
cactus grown desert and bare mountain
range, dotted here and there with law
less mining camps and peopled by "bad
men," cowboys and Jack Hamiin gam
blers, that fiction has printed. Life in
them is no more like that in the "Ari
zona Kicker" and in current cheap tales
of western life, than the California min
ing camps of today are like those that
Bret Harte pictured. In the populated
districts, it is safer w ithout a "gun"
than with one. There is probablv less
violence in any one day in the territories
than on the same day in New York or
Chicago. The towns have broad, clean
streets and sidewalks, electric lights,
good water systems, trolley lines, ex
cellent schools. I would rather send my
children to the public schools of Pres
cott, Ariz., than to most of those in New
York the teaching and the association
would be as good, the sanitation better.
Women Among Czar's Spies.
Some of the most valuable and least
suspected spies tiiat guard the czar are
women of high rank, who frequent the.
aristocratic salons of Petersburg and
Moscow and even go as far afield as the
Siberian cities of Tomsk, Tobolsk and
There are also spies among the Im
perial guards, and for these men the
entire army and reserves of imperial Rus
sia are ransacked. Among them one finds
men from the Don and Dnieper cossacks.
the Mohammedan forces from Kazan, the
Caucasian provinces, and even from far
Kashgar in central Asia, as well as from
the imperial Probajensky and Pavlovski
guards. The unquestioning and doglike
fidelity of these men is wonderful, says
Harper's Weekly. They are absolutely
fearless, of great physical strength and
mentally of unusual acumen and fore
sight. There are nearly 1,000 of these
military guards constantly employed in
and about the park and palace of Tsars-koe-Selo.
One might suppose that the Emperor
Nicholas would sleep peacefully surround
ed by this amazing human network of
protection. Yet revolutionists penetrate
the royal apartments and leave letters
of sinister menace and warning, which
must often suggest to the unhappy mon
arch that it might be as well for him to
do away with this far reaching system of
espionage and mingle freely with his peo
ple. He dot a New Pana.
Jacob Schaefer, aged 7, had been out
of school and his absence was being in
"I was out walking." he explained,
glibly; "I was out walking with my
mamma and papa."
"Oh, were oyu?" returned the teacher.
Then, fixing stern eyes on the culprit,
she continued: "I thought you told me
your father was dead?"
Here she paused and waited for Ja
cob to wilt. Jacob did nothing of the
sort. Instead, bristling with importance,
"An' so he is dead, but my mamma
put a 'for let' sign in our parlor win
dow last month an' now I got a new
A comfortable looking man. but
with a celluloid collar and ready
made four-in-hand tie, walked up to
one of the employes of the Colonial
hotel a day or two ago and inquired:
"Have you seen anything of my broth
er about the lobby here?"
"What sort of a looking man is he?"
The other wanted to convey the im
pression that his brother was a man
with a good deal of avoirdupois, but
what he replied was this: "Why he's
a large poultry looking gentleman,
about like me." Cleveland Plain
From the Philadelphia Record.
Borrow trouble, see double.
Fools rush in where angels fear to
The way of the transgressor is hard
Procrastination is seldom inspired by
the dinner bell.
Even the milk of human kindness
may contain a few germs.
No, Maude, dear; there is no simi
larity between an heirloom and a wind
mill. If a man is made of dust, one is apt
to wonder how dust ever became a
synonym for money.
Mistress (engaging new cook)
"Have you a reference?" Cook
"Dozens of them, mum; dozens of
Some people regard a collection
basket as a slot machine, in which they
drop a dime with the hope of getting
out a dollar's worth of religion.
Wigsr "Shakespeare speaks of the
stuff that dreams are made of." Wagg
"I didn't suppose they had Welsh
rarebits in Shakespeare's day."
Wigwag "Are you getting any testi
monials for your consumption cure?"
Dr. Quackly "Oh, yes. Here's a bully
one from a Chinaman, named Wun
Lung. He writes: 'After taking two
bottles of your medicine I have
changed my name."
The world is full of misery,
And like as not 'twill always be;
For misery is simply one
Of pessimists' ideas of fun.
From the Chicago News.
Even tained money may make a tidy
The nearer a man gets to fame the
smaller it looks.
Our idea of a miserable man is a miser
who is in love.
Truth is stranger than fiction to the av
erage married woman.
Time is money, but it's better to be in
a hurry than broke.
Only one kind of women do not care for
pretty clothes dead ones.
Man hopes for the best, but woman in
sists on having something better.
A woman is never satisfied until her
husband is rated in the society blue book.
Some people imagine that they are nev
er talked about because they never hear
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
From the New York Press.
Some girls would never flirt with any
man they did not meet.
A loud noise is a sign that the man
making it thinks he is a good arguer.
The woman that raises children to re
spect her does it without any theories.
It's awful clever the way a girl can
look as if she didn't understand what you
had done when it as to kiss her.
It is funny how a girl of 16 always
wants to look like one of -6 and one of 6
like one of 16.
Tummy Liptqn seems to vant dot
cup mighty bad. Berhaps he vill get
id, yes? Uf he do, id should be knows
es "der tea cup."
Mrs. Hisrbie uf Brooklyn knocked
der stuffiing oudt uf a stiff vot ad
dempted to gedt gay mit her. Goot
bizness fer Mrs. Higbie in Topeka.
Vile she vas knocking oudt der many
mashers, she could do goot py teach
ing her sdyle uf fisslcal agriculture to
Der cidy should now hire a herd uf
chimney sweeps to remoof der fedders
from dot $18,000 pipe oragan, iind uf
der folks vot lif close py der Audy
torium dondt gedt oudt a injunction,
dey should also rais der vindows.
Dokter Wiley iss all vorked oop
pecaus sefendy per cents uf der boor
in Vashington iss snide. Uf der
Dokter came to Topeka, vere a hun-
derd-und-sigsty per cents uf der boos
iss made uf H2-S-04, plug-tobacco,
iodine und tan-bark, he vould haf de
licious triangles from chusd tinking
Ve oserf resendly dot der un
luckiesd man in der vorld haf peeu
discofered in Callyforny. Vonce hee
vas a habby, care-free hired man on
a farm, but he eloops-der-loop mit der
bosses' vife, und afder hafing to lif
mit her fer fourdeen yearss, she kicks
der bucket mit all uf hiss broperty in
her name. Den conies along der
"wronged husspand," und coppers der
L'f dis looser efer gedts to Heafen,
he can gif Uncle Job cards und
spades in a hard-Iuck-sdory contesd.
TO DER HALF-BAKED KIDS MIT
DER BAD-MAN MICROBE.
Do doubt you haf opserf py der
bapeps dot der kid vot make der ad
dempt ad friskency ad der hagh
school der Oder night, vas real sorry
afder he had been ketched und
cooped py der kids vot he try to frisk.
He feldt real cheap and so fort, ven
hiss Moder cames py der coundy chail
and talk mit him trough der slats.
LTf he had rigger dot all oudt vile
he vas making dem bogus viskers mit
hiss Moder's needles und timble, und
lining der same mit a piece uf his
Moder's oldt skirt, berhaps he vould
haf use all not vork to make a liddle
But he didtndt, und, cs dey allvays
do, he gedts id in der neck.
Uf der kid behind der nickel
counter vas peen a sofd von, mit der
nerf uf a half-growed hen, der bad
von vould haf reaped berhaps a hon
dered sheckles in small change, und
had a chance to spendt a liddle uf id
pefore der cops nailed him. Der nail
ing pardt iss a foregone conclusion
ing, und nod to be oferlooked. Id iss
sure to came.
Es id vos, der oder kid had dot mi
crobe vot men calls nerfe und vimmin's
calls bravery, und he makes bitsness
pick opp for "it" mit der phony visk
ers und der dinkey liddle dirty-two.
Hence, derefore, der kid vot hap
peen reading und soaking oop "Dur
rango Dan, der Dangerous Dago," und
oder such litterary mixtures, gedts
hiss py fasd mail.
Kids, rigger id down to a bitzness
proppysition, cutting oudt der family
feeling, vich vill be a big idem afder
der ball iss ofer. Figger id like dis:
Here iss a feller vot puys sefen dollars
vort uf junk, purglar lamp, pistol, et
cetera, und spendts sefendeen dollars
vort' uf dime making sefen cendts
vort uf purglar viskers, vich goes oudt
to reap der revard. Ad der besd, uf
he make good in der venwre, he
cannod spend more den ten dollers uf
der ketch mitoudt eggsiting sus
picionings, und den comes der pinch.
He iss oudt, peside der discomforts uf
der slat house, fourdeen dollars. Also,
he dakes a nine-to-one shot, vich iss
more den der nerviesd gambler vill
sday mit, uf gedding sh'ot er kicked to
sleeb py der feller vich he tries to rob.
You may readily opserf dot he iss
Also, dere iss Moder.
Vally Vellman Vants der Pole;
Berhaps he vants to purn id
Pecause der brice uf furnace coal
Iss someding awful, dem id!
Und dot vill be all fer dis dime.
Ella Bella told me that you told her
that secret I told you not to tell hrr.
Stella She's a mean thing I told her
not to tell you I told her.
Ella Well, I told her I wouldn't toll
you she told me so don't tell her I did.
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