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i if n. . v i .i..i.;4 U i ii 1 iJ d Vti 14.1 A Li Ej frank p. mac lenxax Kntered July 1, lTS, as second class scatter at the ptoffiee at Topeka. Kan., uiiaer tho act of congress. VOLUME XXXIII.... No. 1S3 Official Paper City of Topeka. Oiliciai Paper Knnxn Stnte Federation Women's Clnbs. TESVS OF PTTBf?r,RIPTIO'M. Iy edition, delivered bv cnrrtw. M "!u a week to anv tart of Topeka. or Suburb, or at the samt price In any rt ' towns wbtrt the paper has a carrier -"stem. w ma!. rear 2 ;'T man. th-ee met- .352 fcaturday edition r.f dal'.v. one vr 1 TELEPHONES. tjitre.s frftce..,. t 'n r !( JtiMttn1 Room Trill, "porters' Konm ..Tnil. frank P " MarTnnin .."...'..'."...".... 700 TVneka State Jonmn! hnlMtr.-. ana ""areas nvmin. pw f We-htn. New To-k ofrtne; Ftlrn rm'Wnw. "J-TTPen'-e-trilr street, pornw Kith ""'' sr-f nroaifwe-v Pan' io-. mararr. Chlcixro ofHe.- 1540 Unity fcuildtn. Paul RtnrV miimm OF 'ITIH ASCOTH'mi -pTT-c-gq The Write Journal la a member of 'he Axocfate1 Preaa p4 ree!ve th full naT lee-raph rennrt "f 1n(tt a-rt w" ore?,! fsa?on for the exclusive afternoon puhtr-r-tton !n Tfipeka. The n""f la reel"e4 In Th tat Torre rl building over wires for this sole pnr poffe. ROME XKWS Wim-E A WAT. Snbscrlhr-ra of the Pint .Tonmsl khsj anrln tn wmmrr mny rtnvc the paper mailed reaniarly pach flay to nny adrlreM St f rate of ten wnM ft week or thirty omta a month (hy m.-.il only). Address chanered as often desired. Wlille out of town the State Journal will bo to you like a dally letter from home. Advance payment requested on these (short time subscriptions, to save liooU keeping exjiense. Isn't it about time for somebody to eccuse Roosevelt of wanting to run egain . It. will at least be Interesting- to note if the Russian autocracy can sidestep again. But how did that Royal Arcanum pewter plate come to be buried ten feet under ground? Anyway, we probably won't be trou bled by the original Bryan man during the next campaign. How horrified Uncle Russell Sage would have been at the thought of be ing buried In a $23,000 coffin! Senator Piatt advises people to keep out of politics. You know advice is al ways made to give and not to take. Wichita that is, some of Wichita highly approves Governor Hoch's pub lished address, especially that part of It which refers to prohibition. "Tammany may' be for Hearst for governor of New "Fork," says a dis patch. But maybe Hearst will think of it first and quarantine against Tam many. There will also be a reception com mittee to meet Mr. Rockefeller when he gets home from Europe, but It will be of a trifle different sort from that which will greet Mr. Bryan. By the way, have Senator Brewer pnd Representative Creech yet re turned those railroad passes, as they were requested to do by the Dickinson county Republican convention? It Is to be hoped that that anti foreign trouble in Sonora, Mexico, will not prove serious. This country is In terested in that region, and it is a good thing for Mexico that we should be. The country really won't demand that Mr. Bryan sit on a stool and look pretty for two years. It is willing for him to move out on to his farm and plow and milk the cows all he wants to. E. R. Ridgely, who once represented the Third district in congress as a Pop ulist, will begin in politics all over asain. The Democrats will nominate him for representative In Neosho county. W. R. Stubbs says he didn't know anything about politics when he went into it, but. it Is evident that he is learning all right. For instance, he has discovered that it Is much safer to ask questions than to answer them. Here are :iome more of those "changed conditions" recorded by the Kansas City Star: "Ten or 12 years ago you could not have, convinced the Honorable David Rowland Francis that he would some time cross the ocean merely to walk down the gangplank arm In arm with Mr. William Jennings Bryan." Senator LaFollette spoke for three hours at the Salina Chautauqua, and although It was 7 o'clock when he fin ished there were cries of "Go on!" from the audience. If the people of Kansas ever get a chance to vote for him for anything, LaFollette can look for a big majority when the returns from this ti&f come In. ?t was too bad to puncture the mys tery surrounding a romantic find like that of the pewter plate that was found buried ten feet under ground near New ton. Why shouldn't the finder thereof and various lovers of legends have been allowed to speculate awhile as to the tsse Coronado made of 1t? How cruel ct a materialistic truth-teller to step in and point out that It belongs to this day and age instead of "1105," thus spoiling all the. romance! While, Senator LaFollette was speak ing at the Salina Chautauqua, there u. -. s a buzz and ringing somewhere like Ii f.re alarm. The senator stopped and Shook his head and aald: "No, that Is not a telephone. That's my alarm w.s?eh. My wife gave me that and I p-ornii-ed her that I would set it for '"x hours at every speech. I was speak- ing in Iowa and the alarm rang at the two hoor limit. But the people allow ed me to continue for a while longer. After I got through an old lady came up and asked me to take a message to my wife. I said I would. 'Well,' she said, 'just tell her that she wasted her money when she invested it in that watch.' " Then the senator went on talking. M R. BRYAN'S ATTITllE. Following Mr. Bryan's declaration a short time ago that he stood Just where he had always stood on the financial question, and that he is still Just as radical as ever, the New York World bewailed the Nebraska statesman's poor judgment in this speaking out. The World could see no necessity for It, and It said so to the extent of a column and a half. Everything was going Mr. Bryan's way and all he had to do was to keep still and lead the Democratic hosts to victory without a sound. But Mr. Bryan spoke his mind, and the World believes that the success which was waiting Democracy just down the road apiece has been frightened away. Which leads the Washington Star, the Republican paper of the national cap ital, to say: "The World forgets. There is instruc tion in a bit of history which the World helped to make. "In the Democratic party thun dered against the trusts, and, partly on the strength of Its deliverances on that subject, won the race. But when Mr. Cleveland selected for attorney general the leading corporation lawyer of New England the hopes of the anti-trust people were dashed. The World In par ticular felt outraged, and called for Mr. Olney's retirement. It did not hesitate to gay, indeed, that had the country known in advance what Mr. Cleveland's action would.be in so important a mat ter his election would have been quite Impossible. The World lectured, but Mr. Cleveland was obdtirate. Mr. Olney re mained In office, and the trusts went their way undisturbed. We had four years of wrangling as to what the Dem ocratic party had been commissioned to do, ana the party, on the trust ques tion, on the money question, and on the tariff question, went to pieces. "Guiding by that lesson alone and IvZv Bryan must remember it Is not the Nebraska leader justified in making his attitude entirely plain at this time on all questions? He does not want merely to be president. He knows that to obtain the office by silence, or by evasion, or by paltering with principles, would be tp destroy himself, and send his party again discredited into the wilderness. As he has not changed his views on the money question, why per mit anybody, and particularly a person thinking of giving him support for the first time, to believe he has? As he is more radical now than in 1896, when he acquired the reputation of a radical, why not confess it? "Mr. Bryan has never as a man ap peared to better advantage than within the past few weeks. He has met a flood tide of enthusiasm composed largely of false hopes and vain longings with a frankness and composure altogether admirable. Remembering Mr. Cleveland and his heterogeneous following, he shuns bunko with all his heart." A GOOD CAVSE. A move is on foot to secure for the Mother Florence memorial the funds that were subscribed to aid in pur chasing land for the new Santa Fe shops, but which was not needed for that purpose. These funds, amounting to $2,250, are in the hands of the Com mercial club and will, of course, be re turned to the persons who subscribed them, unless these persons order other wise. A number have already given instructions that their money be turned over to the Mother Florence fund. It Is certainly fitting that Topeka should erect a memorial to the Sal vation army "angel" who, though very poor herself, spent years of her life In ameliorating the condition of the poor of this city, and in pointing outcasts to a better life. Topeka owes much to the work that she did, and there could be no more fitting tribute to her memory than the erection of a building to carry on the work to which she gave her life. A start has been made for such a building and lots have been purchased at Fifth and Quincy streets. Funds are now needed to complete the pay ments on the lots and put up the build ing. The subscriptions made to the Santa Fe land fund would complete the pay ments on the site, with several hun dred dollars left towards the memorial itself. It is an exceedingly worthy ob ject, but if this disposition is to be made of the funds it must, of course, be authorized by the subscribers them selves. TIIF AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE. Nearly 1,700 students were enrolled by the Kansas State Agricultural col lege last year, according to the annual catalogue just issued. And of this great number only 32 came from out side the boundaries of Kansas. Of the 32 outside students, six came from the Philippines and one from Porto Rico. The Agricultural college seems to be primarily an institution for Kansas students. That college up the Kaw at Manhat tan is one of the Sunflower state's most valuable assets. It is for the education of Kansas farmers; and the more Kansas farmers who avail them selves of the scientific training which it gives, the better for the state. It is undoubtedly true that the most successful farmer In the future must be an educated man. He must farm with his head as well as with his hands. Farming is fast developing into a science, and the farmer of the future must be versed in it. The agricultural college catalogue says on this subject: "The time has passed, my young farmer friend, when an uneducated and unskilled man can become a suc cessful farmer and a man amens men. It is not so easy to make a good living at farming today as It was forty or even twenty jirs ago. The soil is poorer: eompltion Is greater. There are many educated, hustling men, en gaged in the various lines of farming today, and if you want successfully to DAXL1 compete with them you must be edu cated, too. You must understand the soil and the great principles of cultiva tion, aeration, and soil-moisture con servatlon. You must know the science of plant growth and propagation; you must know the chemistry of the-plant and of the soil. You must learn the principles of animal" nutrition and bal anced rations in stock feeding. You must study the animal and be prac ticed in stock judging, in order to se lect your breeding stock. You must know a thousand things about agricul ture which you do not know now, if you hope successfully to compete with those who have knowledge and train ing In these things." The State Journal is doubtful about the correctness of the statement that "it is not so easy to make a good living at farming today as it was forty or even twenty years ago," for ' more money Is being made by the farmer today than ever before. But it is be ing made by men who have picked up the rudiments of scientific farming. Another thing that helps is the fact that railroads and other means of speedy transportation have opened the markets of the world to the farmer. But the farmer of tomorrow must do better than the farmer of today. Fifteen-bushel wheat and thirty bushel corn is all right for land worth only $30 an acre, but in a few years this $30 land will be worth $60 an acre, and then it must raise thirty bushel wheat and sixty-bushel corn. So the college up at Manhattan Is a splendid asset, and the more young Kansans who go there and learn the scientific side of the farming business, the better It will be for the state In general. The way of the transgressor is hard, especially on his family. -a ' Looks as though the Russian revolu tion proposes to crowd the Thaws off of the front page again. Naturally the "Postcrlpts" in the Leavenworth Post are written by a wo man. fr "Swimming," says Collier's Weekly, "is fine exercise." Yes, nearly everyone likes to be in the swim. If you will notice closely you will observe that some of the people who are yelling loudest for a square deal, are trying to stack the deck on the other fellows. I J AY HA VKEK JOTS j t' i Henry Allen notes that the czar has picked up the candle and gone out looking for the gas leak again. Ellis Garten notes that the Arkan saw delayed getting full three weeks past its usual time this year. Was Trickett out there anywhere? Out at Cimarron they call the Santa Fe's new local train between Dodge City and La Junta, "The Alfalfa Limit ed," and "The Short Grass Flyer." Dodge City is counting on having Vice President Fairbanks at its sol diers' reunion next month, and people are warned to Bring tneir overcoats. The newspaper war in Concordia breaks out again at the same time as the Russian revolution: This time be cause one paper got the right to print the county fair premium list exclu sively. "It is easy," says the observer on the Leavenworth Post, "to see why daugh ter doesn't mind so much going down town on an errand for mother, if she has a clean duck skirt and a pretty white parasol." Leavenworth is feeling pretty good, thank you. since it has been decided to make the fort there a brigade post, even if congress didn't provide for all the improvements that Leavenworth thought were necessary There was recently published In these columns the statement that com mon kerosene is an excellent remedy for a snake bite. The Santa Fe Mon itor says R. G. Newby of that place recently tried the remedy on a horse that had just been bitten by a rattle snake, and it worked like a charm. Historical reminiscence by John Gil more: The old stone school house at Mound City, the historic county seat of Linn county, is to be razed and the materials in its walls used to improve the public highways. The building was erected about the beginning of the rebellion, probably in 1861. The only conflict between regular Federal and Confederate troops fought on Kansas soil and called a battle, occurred on Mine creek, near Mound City, October 25, 1864. The school house to be dis mantled was used as a hospital at the time of the battle, ambulances from Mine creek carrying both Union and Confederate soldiers to the shelter of Its walls for care and treatment, a number of them dying in the building. GLOBE SIGHTS. tFrom the Atchison Globe. About the only subject upon which kin can talk with kin is other kin. A pig doesn't feel that there is plenty of food unless there Is enough to lie down in. A girl who has a courteous, dig nified manner does not need to wish for a pretty face; she will be admired all right. If a man doesn't learn anything else as he grows older, he learns that it is more than a waste of time to have fool friends. There is this much to be said about the faithfulness of man: Every time he builds a castle in the air he puts a different woman in it. When children love their step mother, their father gets a good deal of credit from the neighbors for his judgment in picking her cut. An Atchison woman claims to have well controlled nerves because she can open a telegram with no more emotion than she would show in opening a can of corn. A man doesn't know any more about the lines in the hand than he know how much lard goes into pie crust, but he can get a girl to let him hold her hand any time while he pretends to know all about it. -If an admirer says you are so in telligent and useful the world can't spare you. and that you will live for ever, don't feel too good about it; consumption, or Brlght's disease, or liver complaint, will get you just the same. Among the many things one sighs for and finds disappointing when gained, is included getting your bacs scratched. When you finally get hold of some one willing to do It, the scratching is never in the right place and it is either too heavy or too light. JO VRIt AL E1ITRIES Q XJEXIALf TIf TJItSB AY ': EVE2IING, JULY 28, ZAIISAS COMMENT NO FITN IN GOING WRONG. Suppose Harry Thaw had determined, as a young man, to he a credit to his family. Suppose he had been a good student at school, and, after leaving school, had taken up some profession or business. Would not the pleasure of being a good son have outweighed the pleasure he found in wine and women? Had Harry Thaw been a decent man, he would have found more pleasure In life than he ever found as a rounder. It is a mistaken notion that there is pleasure in going to the devil. The man who is respected, and amounts to some thing, finds more pleasures in life than the rake and profligate. And the end of the profligate and rounder is so ter rible. Harry Thaw is in the Tombs prison during the hot weather, and will probably be electrocuted in the winter for murder. All experience shows that the better a man behaves himself, the better he enjoys life. There is more pleasure in being the best workman in the shop than in being the heaviest drinker in town. Atchison Globe. REFORM FOR OTHERS. The banks of the state have a total of deposits of about $133,000,000. The assessors found some $7,000,000 in their rounds. It is fashionable and pleasing to roast the railroad evil In Kansas just now and the railroad evil deserves a good deal of roasting. But it is ap parent that the army of reform in cludes many recruits who have been so busy talking the square deal that they have not had time lo tell the truth to the assessor. This recalls the story of one righteous old citizen of Ottawa who used to live out in the country, who, when he found that his wife had told the assessor the real facts about his finances used language that shocked the hired men on the next three farms. Reform is one of the several things that it is greatly to be desired to prescribe for our neighbors. Ottawa Herald, WAS HIS NAME MAUD? A bunch of mules belonging to Mor ris Pyle were beinsr driven along Sixth avenue Saturday when one of the ani mals broke away from the drove anu started up Commercial street. One of. the drivers started after him and turn ed him back and as the mule turned he stuck his head in a farmer's wagon and lifted a sack of apples from it. He car ried the sack in his teeth by the bot tom and the apples spilled out along the street. Emporia Gazette. IN KANSAS. Half the people in Kansas do not seem to work nt all. The other half do not seem to work half the time and Kansas is adding more rapidly to its wealth than any state in the Union. If all the people quit work altogether he would be a hummer. Belleville Tele scope. REVISE THE TARIFF. Revision of the tariff must be had on the lines of protection and not of rob bery. The people who are robbing the country must be put out of business. ElDorado Republican. HIS RELATIONSHIP. An exchange refers to Roosevelt as "New York's favorite son." Then there is a lot of sister states who will regard him as a favorite nephew. Law rence World. FROM OTHER PEirS POWER OF THE PRESS FOR GOOD No man wht) will consider the mat ter with an open mind will refuse to cor fess that this is the most potent agency in the world for the promotion of righteousness. The pulpit, with all its power, is necessarily less effective than the honest newspaper. The great men who won freedom for us and for our children and who laid the strong foundations of our government saw clearly when they persuaded them selves that the untrammeled press is the mightiest engine both of virtue and of freedom. Philadelphia North American. A MATTER OF FINGERS. A Kentucky man got deathly sick upon reading that a packery employe lost four fingers in the machinery and that they went Into veal loaf for some body to eat. If it had been four fin gers for somebody to drink, the Ken tucky gentleman would have been johnny on the spot. Houston Post. VICTIM TO FASHION. General Kolzov, of the Russian army, was shot by an assassin who mistook him Tor General Trepoff. This looks like one of the penalties of every man wearing the same style of whiskers. St. Louis Republic. HAVE THE FARE. "It Is said that there are thirty men In Houston worth half a million dol lars or more," says the Houston (Tex.) Post. Then why do they not leave for home? Charleston News and Courier. BACK TOFRISCO. Two hundred thousand of the 335,000 residents of San Francisco who fled have returned, and it is a safe guess that the others have never even thought of going outside the borders of thestate. Los Angeles Express. . PURE. The people of Scotland need not grieve over the destruction of that million dol lars worth of Scotch whisky at Dundee. They can get all the Scotch whisky they want from the Bowery made of cologne spirits and creosote and guar anteed to be absolutely pure. Houston Post. ALWAYS BUSY. The artist who Is to make a "picture of the president in repose" will have to draw from his imagination, for that, as the song hs3 It. Is a "picture no artist can paint." New York Herald. ADDICKS. Addicks threatens to try again next year. Better Five both his money and his gas. Philadelphia Press. o GET ON BOAvRD. Esopus. N. Y-, and Princeton, N. J., have not yet declared for the Bryan boom. While the light holds out tf burn the vilest sinner may return. Memphis News. SEQUEL? THEY'RE ALL DEAD. A scientist says that 100 years ago folks just lived on pork and doughnuts and ate mince pie every evening before retiring. That might he so, but what was the sequel? Pittsburg Sun. r THE BLIND TIGER. It is taking Tom Taggart a long time to see that his usefulness to the Demo cratic party is at an end. Chicago News. NOT TO BLAME. After thinking it. all over we do not blame Allegheny for not wanting to be annexed to Pittsburg. Rochester Post Express.' A DEMOCRATIC WISH. If we are to have a Republican pres ident, by all means we want Mr. Taft. Birmingham Ledger, ' WOSIAX'S WAYS. The young man kissed the maiden fair, And she did not resist. Nor any protest offer as She twice and thrice was kissed. But when he smacked her once again With a resounding Don, She stamped her pretty foot and cried: "Don't!" "Stop!" The young man was chagrined to be So frigidly repelled; He mutely drew his head away And freed the hand he held. Leep silence reigned one might have heard A tiny hairpin drop Until at last the maiden lisped: Don't stop!" - Dwig-ht Spencer Anderson in The Bo hemian for July. Harnessing tho Mississippi. Work will be begun before the year is out on a dam across the Mississippi river, at the foot of the Des Moines rapids, for the development of water power. It will be the greatest project of the kind except the combined works at Niagara, the dam the ?rpn t- est rn the world except those built by the British in the Nile. A minimum of sixty thousand horsepower Is to be obtained and transmitted to factories in the heart of the agricultural center of the nation. The dam will be In eight of the three states of Iowa, Illi nois and Missouri, the legislatures of eacn state naving adopted resolutions approving the work and promising all possible assistance. The estimated cost of the work will be $6,000,000. which is $100 per horsepower on the minimum power capacity of sixty thousand horsepower. The cost ot supplying power, including all fixed charges, maintenance, operation and all expenses, is closely estimated at- $s per horsepower-year, the cost of steam power in the territory within 200 miles now being from $40 to $65 per horsepower-year, with $55 as a conserva tive average. Within a radius of forty miles ot the central ' power house He twenty towns with a population of one thou sand or over, the population in this area aggregating 242,161. The aver age distance by railroad to the twenty towns is twenty-four miles. Their population. In 1900, was 112.122. In cluded in the same 6.293 square miles of territory are also forty villages with a population of 17.661 and a rural population of 11 2,378. Within a ra dius of 100 miles there was a popu lation in 1900 of 1,146,946, including hundreds of towns and cities. Within a radius of 150 miles there was In 1900 a population of 3,917,046. F. G. Moorhead, in The World Today, for July. Ncedlcworker's Wages. , The apprentice in dressmaking has to work six months for nothing or per haps a mere pittance as errand girl. Then she starts on linings at $4 per week. Next, she does over-sewing and finishing at $6. Trimmers on skirts or waists receive $12 to $14 per w eek, and fitters from $15 to $18. A small estab lishment is considered better than a large one for learning the trade, as more personal attention is given ap prentices and there is quicker advance ment. Any woman who sews neatly by hand or does fine embroidery along popular lines can secure a position in a shop without difficulty, and the fa1! rush in dressmaking opens up Septem ber 1. A girl with the shopping gift can usually secure a position with a dress maker as shopper. Her first duties consist of matching thread, buttons, linings, etc.. and later she is entrusted with trimmings, laces, etc. She starts at $4 per wek, spends most of her time in stores and usually becomes a profes sional shopper. v ' Operators 4n suit and waist factories do piece work principally, and as a' rule make $12 per week. Finishers, who sew on buttons, etc., receive no more than $7 per week. In underwear factories, girls start the trade by running ribbon through beading, ironing, running buttonhole machines, and gradually learn to sew on insertion, tucking, etc. They quick ly work up to $6 per week. An expert in underwear makes $12 or $14 per week. Anna Steese Richardson in Woman's Home Companion. Mamma anrt Astronomy. Prof. G. A. Hill, of the National ob servatory, was describing the duties of an astronomical corps during an eclipse, says the New Y'ork Tribune. "The eclipse," he said, "may last only five minutes. Each man in the party has a certain line of work mapped out for him during those precious minutes. One man makes hurried pencil sketches, another man photographs, a third takes observations, while a fourth Jots down his remarks. "And so it goes. An astronomical corps during an eclipse is a very busy body. An interruption would-be as un welcome to it as as " Prof. Hill smiled. "An interuption would be as unwel come to it as it once was to a young friend of mine in Elizabeth. "My friend, according to the story, was calling on his sweetheart who lived on Elizabeth's outskirts. "As the young man was taking leave for the night his voice, as he stood on the piazza, rose passionately In the still air. " Just one.' he said. 'Just one.' "Then the young girl's mother in terrupted, calling from the bedroom window: " 'Just 1? No it ain't quite that yet But it's close on to 12. -o I think ye'd better be goin' jUFt tha rarr.e.' " Was the Whole World Destroyed? The rumors of destruction exterior to San Francisco furnished another strange phase. The wires were, of course, at once cut of service; among the people there was no means of com munication. At 10 or 11 o'clock Wed nesday, a Salvation Army lieutenant told me that she had heard that Los Angeles had been totally destroyed; that Portland and Seattle had been wiped out by a tidal wave; that Chi cago "was under water." I know now that these things are not true. Yet thousands upon thousands still do not know that they are but rumors. Not ten minutes ago a man in uniform ap proached me where I sit writing and asked me about the safety of Los An geles. Not a person with whom I have spoken duiing the past three days who had not heard that "Chicago was under water." Originating in some curious, unexplainable way, the rumor must have fled from lip to lip, with speed incredible, till, within the space of a day, it bad startled the ears of hundreds of "thousands of the people of the city. These rumors, impossible of proof or disproof for 48 hours, added enormously to the sense of the vastness of the disaster. For all we knew, San Fran cisco's might have been the last flick ering pulse of a mighty shock that had made Europe a sea, made the bed of the Atlantic ocean dry land, and de stroyed all the cities of the world. Henry Anderson Lafler, in McClure's. Only Waiting. "What is your name, little girl?" ques tioned the teacher. ' "Itiliia Kalamagoulapagos," answered the rew pupil. "My stars, child!" exclaimed the teach eer. "Nobody needs to carry such a name as that around in this country. You ousrht to h?.ve It. changed," "I'm going to, ma'am," said the new pu pil with perfect self-possession, "when me and Demetrius La.skB.soupaiolIlpopc.los rets a few years w4er." Chicago Trib une, i 1903. 1 TUE EVEKIIIG STORY j Three Baggage Checks. By Donald Allen.) Whatever caused Harry Lee, bache lar, clubman and a good deal of a cynic to saunter into the Central depot that afternoon he never has been able to explain except by laying it to Fate. He wasn't going anywhere, didn't want to see anybody in particular, and he al ways kept clear of passenger depots on account of tearful old women and crying children. On this occasion he had scarcely caught sight of one tear ful old woman when somebody caught sight of him. "And who on earth told you that I was going to Buffalo?" exclaimed a voice at his elbow, as he turned to go out. It was Miss Remington, whom he had known fairly well for a year past. and who had sometimes struck him as being rather good looking and of en gaging manners. Just now she was looking unusually well In her traveling suit, and her eyes shining with excite ment. "I I came to say farewell," replied Lee with ready wit. "How nice of you. My trunk was sent on half an hour ago ahead of me, and must be In the baggage room. I know you will take my ticket and get it checked for me. Brother Will said he would surely be here, but some thing has happened to detain him." "It will be something to remember all my life." A child of ten, a bachelor of forty, or an old woman of ninety can check a trunk when once the feat of getting it to the depot has been accomplished. Ail you have to do is to point it 6ut with one hand while you show yout ticket with the other and tell the bag gagemaster that he must make no mis take and check it for Oshkosh Instead of Kalamazoo. Harry Lee had that trunk identified and checked In seven minutes, and he was feeling rather proud over the fact when a plain looking woman of forty appealed to him. She was looking for a trunk with a broken handle, but thus far it had eluded her. It tried to dodge Mr. Harry Lee, but in vain. He had his eyes on it in no time, zjust at this juncture a girl of 18, dress ed in mourning and looking tearful and anxious, wanted help. Her trunk was all right as to handles, but she was afraid it had been checked to Rochester instead of Syracuse. She gave the bachelor her check to see about it. and thus it came about that he had three checks for three trunks in his posses sion. Moreover, he put them Into the same pocket. Moreover, again, he'd have walked back to Miss R.emington with them had not the plain looking woman and the girl In mourning hesi tatingly reminded him of his careless ness. "Ten thousand pardons, ladies," he apologized in confusion, and with that he gallantly pulled out the three checks and made a fair divide. There was just one apiece and nothing left over. It was train time now, and everybody in a hurry, and Miss Remington's brother came rushing in, and so with it all no one made any discoveries, and the three women were hurried away with scores of other passengers. For the first time in a year, so far as he could remember, the club bachelor had made himself useful for a few min utes, and there was something like ela tion in his eye as he left the depot to continue his saunter. Twenty-four hours later he received a call from young Winchester, who had an open tel egiarn in his hand, and who bluntly inquired: "See here, Lee, what have you done with my sister's trunk?" "Why I checked it for Buffalo yes terday." "She has telegraphed that she has another in the place of it." "But. man, I surely checked It, and you saw me hand her the brass. Those confounded railroad folks must have made another of their stupid mis takes." "Well, we'll let it rest for a day, and perhaps they'll rectify it." During the next twenty-four hours Miss Remington sent two more tele grams from Buffalo, and the ease-loving and complacent bachelor got a move on him and went to the depot to Interview the president, vice president and genera! manager of the road. Be ing told that they had gone off on a Sunday school picnic, he decided to interview the baggagemaster instead. There was dignity in his bearing as he set out to crush the worm under his feet. The worm wasn't very busy just then, and heard him through, and then retaliated with: "We have two telegrams from "two other women about trunks having gone wrong, and it's all owing to your having butted in here the other day. I remember you ,very well. You had three trunks checked at the same time." "Yes, sir, I did, and if the baggage department can't take care of the trunks all at once it had better go hang." "Did you hand the three checks to three different women?" "Of course I did." "Are you sure you kept them sepa rate'" "Of course that is that is, you know " "Yes, I know," smiled the baggage master. "You .handed out any old check, and as a consequence there Is a mix. It's up to you to do some tele graphing and straighten things out." Mr. Lee spent the whole day tele graphing and receiving "collect" mes sages from Buffalo, Rochester and Syracuse, but he made little headway. His messages were inquiring and pa cific; his "collects" were vigorous and rather threatening. At the end of the day he decided on making a personal trip to straighten out the tangle. He could remember the trunks and their respective owners. His first stop was at Syracuse. He was sure that the girl in mourning with a humble looking trunk had had It checked there. Two telegrams had passed and he had her address. In the course cf an hour he found her. She hadn't quite so much mourning on now-, and was better looking than he had thought. She had received the plain woman's trunk with a broken handle. She was a refined, ladylike girl, and in mourning for an aunt who had left her $50,000. but yet ahe used language tinged with acid. Next time she went traveling and had to appeal to a man for help she would make sure that he knew enough to check his own trunk, and so forth, and so forth. A woman may lose her sweetheart and say nothing, but let her lose her trunk while traveling and it takes years to exhaust the subject. Mr. Lee got away with his ears burning, and yet he admired Miss Strothers. He arranged to have the trunk sent on to Rochester, and then took the train for that city. The plain woman was expecting him. She had the trunk all ready to point at. but It didn't happen to be Miss Sirother's trunk. It belonged to Mies Reming ton. Here was another mixup. The bachelor drew a long breath and started to explain, but was cut short after a minute. He was asked to Identify himself as an honest man; he was asked to prove that he was not a baggage thief: he was asked to con vince the plain looking woman, who looked plainer than ever in her own W.IIWI aiim mm iwii.iiiiiiiiiniajLwMwMg'awimjwggiii 'W'lii I mil house and with her anger up, that hi grandfather had never been hung for a capital crime. At the end of half an hour the piain woman softened on him a bit. She soft ened enough to say that perhaps after all it was his first crime, and that If he hustled around and got that one-handled trunk in Rochester Inside of two hours she would not call in the police. Bachelor Lee longed to return to New York and find rest and peace, but in exorable Fate drove him on to Buffalo. There he found Miss Remington. "I am not going to blame you at all," she said, as she met him. "It was al! my fault in thinking that you knew anything about the operation of rail roads. You could have loaded that trunk into an auto and had it Into the Staten Island ferry in. half an hour. Mr. Lee proceeded to explain, but It was not much of an explanation. How ever, the more he explained and the more he. failed to explain, the more he became interested in Miss Rmington. It was a matter of four days before the big trunk, the little trunk and the one-handled trunk reached their respec tive owners. The chapter was closed then and there with the plain looking -woman, but not so with one of the others. Ever since that date, and particularly during the - last three months, the bachelor clubman has found it necessary to go up the road to talk trunk business, and he finds that the most effective way to remind Miss Remington of her duty to ward the diamond ring she wears is to suggest that he take a trip to Syracuse to see the other young woman about her trunk. (Copyright, 1906, by M. M. Cunnlegham) Bacon She says she is twenty-eight years old. Egbert Well, she looks as If she would say she was about that old. Yonkera Statesman. "B man dat nurses unreasonable hopes," said Uncle Eben, "may be fool ish, but he ain't as foolish aa de one dat nurses vain resrets." Washington Star. Interviewer And do you always wait for inspiration before beginning a poem?'" Great Poet Oh, no. Sometimes I need the money. Chicago News. "I suppose a professional pugilist," said Jokesley, "may properly be called a oox party." "Yes," replied Wiseman, "pugilists don't do much but talk." Philadelphia Ledger. "How does It happen," asked the portly dowager on the overland express, "thnt you have managed to keep the same cook for 30 years?" "I married one," answered the chance acquaintance, shrugging her ample shoul ders. Chicago Tribune. "You compel an armv of men to work for you." exclaimed the reformer. " in order that you may roll in luxury!" "You are right," said the conacience strlcken captain of industry. "I will let ail of them go and procure machines to do their work." "You inhuman monster!" Chicago Tri bune. "Had a good time on the Fourth, I suppose?" Yith his one sound hand Johnny push ed his banda&es aside. "You bet I did," he answered. "But how about your burns?" "Huh! I don't care. It was the very last cannon cracker I had that blowed me up.'' Philadelphia Ledger. "Mrs. Gaodform is always prepared for any occasion, isn't she?" "Yes. indeed. She even keeps a. pink silk kimono hanging by the window so that in case of fire in the night she pan slip it on while" she's getting into the fire escape." Detroit Free Press. "Do you think I'll stand any chance for promotion here, sir?" "Young man, do you drink?" "No, sir." "Then you'll stand an excellent chanre for promotion. This office is full of peri odical boozers." Philadelphia Press. Knicker An English writer says she thinks in the country and writes in town. Booker Same wa v with us; my wife thinks at the sea and I write a cheek in the city. New York Sun. "She's not happy, you say? That's strange! The last time I saw her she told me she had found her ideal." "Yes, but unfortunately she married It." Indianapolis News. "Pop," inquired Tommy, "is a Colt re volver a little horse pistol?", "Of course not." "Well, pop, is the garbage man mad When he gets in the dumps?" "Don't ask such foolish questions. child." "Just tell roe this, pop, and I'll stop. Is the cradle of the deep e ocean's rocky bed?" Baltimore American. "So you think yachting is a dangerous game?" "Dreadfully so. Why, no less than five of our commodores have died of delirium tremens." Life. Young Innocent I beg your pardon, did I tread on your foot that time? Sweet Girl (very sweetly) Oh, no; not that time. Punch. QUAKER REFLECTIONS. tFrom the Philadelphia Record. J No girl can look swell with the mumps. ' The way of the transgressor is hard on other people. Many & man who marries a widow lives to envy his wife's former hus band. A true artist is one who would love art for its own sake if he could af ford it. The cannibal who eats a millionaire may find the meal entirely too rich for him. In married life the result of the first quarrel shows who is going to be boss. Hoax "Do you eat oat meal as a rule?" Joax "No; as a breakfast food." Some men are too lazy even to pur sue happiness. They expect happiiieaa to chase them. Love in a cottage doesn't always demonstrate that there isn't room for a difference of opinion. Blobbs "I am a fatalist. I believe that what is to be will be." Slobbs "Yes: and a great deal of It wiil be our own fault." Wigg "Do you believe that the Ark actually carried every known form of animal life?" Wagg "Well, if it Is true bacteriology makes it plain that Noah had a few stowaways." POIX 1 1 I PARAGRAPHS. From the Chicago News.J The discomfort of having a son with a good disposition is you wiil always have to support him. Going camping is a very nice thing for all the ants and bugs that like to crawl under your clothes. It ought to be about as comfortable to have diseases as these science beliefs that say there aren't any. There are two ways to praise a wo man one to applaud her children, the other to damn her next door neigh bor's. A girl would have to have very blond hair not to -wonder if shs couidn't make it seem more real bjf touching? It up a little. ) "I' HUMOR OF THE VAY i