The Topeka state journal. [volume], December 03, 1906, Last Edition, Page 4, Image 4

About The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980

Image provided by: Kansas State Historical Society; Topeka, KS

                
THS TOFSKA- DAILY STATS 3OTRI7AS MOITPAY SYEITIiTCI, -DECEHBEB ' S, 1903.
TCFERi STATE JOUItML
Dy FRANK P. MAC LEXXAS.
IKntered Julv 1. 1S75. as second class
nutter at the postcrTiet at Topeka. Kbju
under the act of congress )
VOLUME XXXIII No. 290
Oilicial 1'nper City of TvM-ka.
Official 1'apcr Kansas Stato fceaeratlon
Wumeu'n Ciuba.
TERMS OF SUBSCKIPTION.
n.n. -.ati. hv carrier. 10
cents a week to any part of Topeka, or
suburbs, or at the same price in any Kan
sas towns where the paper ha a carrier
system.
Hv mall. ow rir an
By mail, three months
Saturday Mmr f rtnHv. one year.... i
justness Office.. J"" JCI
Business Office . J"?: IZL
Reporters' Room PeJl 6ZI
Kenorters' Room J"- ,
PEKMANKNT HOME.
Topeka State Journal building. WX and
-'2 Kansas avenue, corner of Eighth.
New York office: Flatlron buildlne. at
Twenty-third street, corner Fifth avenue
and Broadway. Patil Block, manager.
Chicago office: 1540 Unity building.
Paul Bioefc. mannarer.
1.K.ASF1) VVIItK REPOKT
OF TliR ASSOC! A TKT 'RTSS.
The State Journal Is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report ot that rreat news or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
P"h'lcntion in Topeka.
The news Is received fn The State Jour
nal buildi.-s over -vires for this sole pur
rose. Wonder what's happening down In
Cuba? There's been no news from the
ahort lived republic for many days.
Xealers In gold braid will be among
those who are sure to approve of the
proposal to create two vice admiral
Ehips In the XT. S. navy.
That was a fine piece of work per
formed by the bandit, who failed In
his attempt to rob a bank at Bendena,
when he killed himself.
One notable feature of the industrial
Situation at this time is a labor short
age and a general Increase In wages.
Perhaps one explains the reason for
the other.
One would naturally think that Mark
Twain could have found a more enjoy
able and profitable way of celebrating
his seventy-first birthday than by play
ing pool all afternoon.
They're not all dead yet. A num
ber of men have banded together to
find the $1,500,000 in gold that went
to the botton of the sea off Mexico
when the ill fated Golden Gate burned
in 1S62.
This governing of cities by a com
mission may be the real thing, but 11
will be terribly tough on the politi
cians. Some of them around here act
ually may have to go to work for a
living If It is adopted.
"Would or could Japan defeat the
United States In a sea fight?" is a ques
tion that some alarmists are asking
these days. The answer may be found
In the fact that few pupils are able to
lick their teachers on any proposition.
From the talk floating around one
would think quite naturally that about
the only thing the Kansas legislature
meets for this season is to elect a man
to the United States senate. This real
ly ought to be but an incident of the
session.
An element of the Democracy of
Chicago would like to see Carter Har
rison run for mayor again, and the
chances are he will. He must feel like
a fish in a frying pan to be out of the
mayoralty chair, and Chicago seems
to miss him much.
Such a variety of views is express
ed as to what sort of a primary law
ehould be passed at the coming session
f the legislature, that it would seem
almost Impossible to get enough legis
lators thinking any one way to pass
any sort of primary legislation.
Past efforts having exemplified the
verbosity of President Roosevelt when
he takes his pen in hand, it is safe to
Bay that if every word in his proposed
special message on the Panama canal
could be turned into a steam shovel,
the big cut would be dug in about a
day and a half.
A couple of columns of the Chicago
Tribune are devoted each day to "How
I was bunkoed" by the victims. There
Is lots of food for the thought for the
unwary, the easy marks, in these tales.
Bad to say, a majority of the "victims"
got fllmflammed out of their savings by
answering advertisements in news
papers. A Union Thanksgiving service of sev
eral New York churches with negro
congregations resolved Itself into a con
demnation meeting with Mr. Roosevelt
as the target because of his arbitrary
discharge of three companies of soldiers
for the crimes of a few of them. His
"square deal-' was likened to having a
few round corners.
Whether or not Chester Gillette took
the life of Grace Brown, he does not
deserve to live or at least to live in a
country where men make their homes.
His own stcry, that although a good
swimmer, he made no effort to save
the girl from drowning when the boat
capsized because he was so intent on
saving himself, stamps him as to the
sort of a creature he is.
Probably Colonel W. A. Harris of
fered up a few thanks on the quiet
last week that he did not get a few
thousand more votes. If he had, he
would be working hard and working
long these days on the unsolvable
problem of dividing up a few offices
to the satisfaction of a thousand or so
"state figures" in the Democratic par
ty who have not fed at the public crib
for many a long and weary day.
Will congress have the nerve to pass
legislation compelling some of the few
ispartments of the government which
ire beyond the pale of executive Juris
diction, notably the supreme court, to
use the phonetc spelling which is so
la.r to the heart of Mr. Roosevelt?
X course if such a law is passed the
august judges of the court have Teddy
on the hip and can stand on their
prerogative and declare it unconstitu
tional. NATIONS MUCH ALIKE.
Those slight controversies between
Japan and America over the depre
dations of poachers at the Seal Is
lands and over the local administra
tion of California' schools have given
some Russian newspapers, and even a
few Jingoes in this country, oppor
tunity to remark though with little
judgment or justice, that these two
close friends are already quarrelling
and are nearing an open and fatal
breach. At the same time there are
reports that China is much dissatisfied
with the conduct of Japan in Man
churia and that a Chinese boycott of
Japanese commerce is imminent.
The two incident!! are disconnected,
entirely but they are alike suggestive
of a single fact, namely, that all the
nations of the earth are much alike
in some of their traits and motives.
The idea that Japan and America
were .so closely united that no contro
versy could ever arise between them
was once put forward but was foolish.
Equally foolish Is the notion that a con
troversy between them indicates an
end of such friendship as has existed.
The two nations are close friends.
They have long been such, and it is to
be hoped that they will be always. But
their relatives are subject to the same
minor vicissitudes of fortune as those
of other nations.
It is the same with China and Jap
an. Some have been insisting that
there was an impregnable solidarity
between them which constituted a
"yellow peril" to all the rest of the
world. Japan was going to take the
lead of China and the two would act
as one nation. But now it is seen that
China is as ready to boycott Japan
as she was to boycott the United
States, and that the relations between
them are no closer, despite their ra
cial affinity, than between one of
them and some other nation.
The fact is that in some respects all
nations are alike. Each seeks its own
interest, though none is incapable of
regarding and cherishing tho interests
of others. Japan and the United States
are warm friends but that does not
mean that one will permit citizens of
the other to transgress its laws or to
infringe its rights. Japan and China
are friends, and blood relations, but
that will not prevent one of them from
seeking even closer ties with some
other nation, if its interests dictate
such a course. That is the principle
which should be borne in mind al
ways whenever there is talk about al
liances, antagonisms or "yellow" or
other perils.
NEWSPAPERS VXD BOSSES.
An editorial in Leslie's Weekly deal
ing with the subject of newspapers and
political bosses contains this para
graph: The typical political boss has no real
friendship for newspapers, anyway,
and no use for them except as he can
make them serve his purposes. Every
genuine newspaper man will be glad
to be rid of him. The new and better
system of securing nominations will
also add to the business patronage of
the press in the shape of political ad
vertising. In the west and south,
where the new primary election sys
tem has been most generally adopted,
the newspapers have a regular rate for
candidates' announcements, and are
thereby adding substantially to their
incomes. This is a far better plan for
all parties concerned than the "free
puff" system so common in days past,
and it ought to be generally adopted.
The rule is good here, as elsewhere,
that what is worth having at all is
worth paying for.
Commenting most pertinently on this
the Baltimore News says:
"We think Leslie's Weekly takes a
very narrow view of a broad question.
Newspaper men who understand the
functions and the opportunities of
newspapers are not actuated by mo
tives of resentment growing out of the
tyranny cf the boss in his dealings with
them: nor are newspapers seriously
concerned about the almost insignifi
cant revenue that would come to them
from candidates inserting their an
nouncements among the advertise
ments instead of in the reading matter
columns.
"The view that newspapers are busi
ness institutions is a perfectly correct
one, but not in the narrow sense Indi
cated by Leslie's Weekly. Newspapers
that know their duty, and do it, are
displacing the political boss by stirring
the people into activity in politics. The
independent press is developing along
these lines in every American city, and
its fitness to perform the function of
political leadership is more and more
recognized all the time by Intelligent
observers. These journalistic activities
rest upon a sound business basis, or
else they could not be expected to be
permanent. Every newspaper that
makes itself an intelligent and fearless
champion of the public interest can be
sure cf the respect and esteem of its
readers. And this Is the real founda
tion of journalistic establishment. The
expenditures of a modern dally news
paper are so great that the revenue
derived from the announcements of
candidates, or any other political ad
vertising, is but a trifling item. Pros
perous newspapers owe their prosper
ity to the great volume of mercantile
advertising, which is shrewdly placed
in papers that enjoy and deserve public
confidence because of their enterprise,
reliability and faithfulness in the per
formance of their duties."
SOME GOOD ILLINOIS LAW.
According to a decision of the Ap
pellate Court of Illinois, municipalities
In that state have a legal right to pass
as ordinance providing a fine for
minors who visit saloons and dram
shops. The case in which this de
cision was made came from the town
of Lewiston where a village ordinance
had been passed making it a mis
demeanor, punishable by a fine or im
prisonment for a term of days for a
male under aje to be found in a sa
loon. Several boys were arrested un
der this act and the lower courts dis
missed the eases against them on the
ground that the ordinance was not
valid. The appellate court has re
versed this decision and holds that
municipalities have the right to enact
laws which will protect young men
who may be enticed into saloons or
congregate there of their own volition,
by bringing them to their senses
through punishment for their folly.
It's a pretty good Interpretation of
law that has been laid down by the
high tribunal of Illinois. It's the sort
of law that will work for the benefit
of the growing generation in Illinois.
It will have a most corrective effect In
keeping the youths away from saloons
and the vices that are engendered in
them.
Too bad, to say the least, is it, that
some of the same sort of regulations
can not be put in force by the au
thorities of many, if not all, of the
municipalities in Kansas. Few, how
ever, of the municipal officers of Kan
sas towns are willing to admit these
days that rumshops exist within their
confines. It is not reasonable to sup
pose, therefore, that they would or
could pass regulations which might
relate in any way to the management
of joints and saloons, the existence of
which they are not willing to acknowl
edge, even though such regulations
would help to prevent a large number
of young boys from starting on their
way to the dogs.
There is no doubt that many of the
joints and saloons of Kansas are pa
tronized by, and the meeting places of,
youths from fifteen years of age up.
In fact a good many of these nefarious
places owe whatever prosperity they
enjoy to the patronage of youngsters.
How long does anyone suppose it
would take to keep the minors, at
least, away from the joints and sa
loons if the police had the authority,
and used it. to arrest them for merely
being found in these places, whether
they were intoxicated or not? A few
arrests, and a few fines or short im
prisonments imposed, and the work
would be accomplished. It would be
a work of incalculable benefit to each
and every commonwealth in the state,
and to the offenders most of all.
It is like a dream of the millennium
to hope that such a salutary condition
might prevail in the cities and towns
of Kansas under existing conditions.
Legalized rumshops have some few
advantages in that they, their pro
prietors and their patrons can be con
trolled in other ways than by impos
ing a fine of $5 or $10, or so mans
days in jail, on unfortunates who e.re
picked up drunk on the streets and
haled to police courts to answer for
an offense which they never would
have been able to commit if the ma
jesty of the prohibitory law was up
held to the letter. So far it has not
seemed possible to enforce literally a
prohibitory law in Kansas or any
other state where It is on the statute
books.
JOURNAL ENTRIES
Some folks are drawing their faces
into knots of distress and predicting a
hard winter. As a matter of fact in a
few weeks spring, gentle spring will
be here.
Without doubt billposters are the
landscape artists of a city, and like
many of the real landscape artists their
work Is anything but beautiful.
The season of the merry amateur
minstrel is at hand and the chances
are that a good many of the things
albeled Jokes which they will toss to pat
ient and long suffering audiences will
not be understood even by themselves.
A dressmaker looks on the purchase
of theater tickets as a business invest
ment. Through them she gets to see
some of the creations turned out by her
rivals, and incidentally grabs a few of
their ideas. .
.
If a good many of the- girls around
these parts, and by "girls" is meant
females ranging in age from 16 to 60
years, used a little less rouge and pow
der, and more soap and water on their
faces, their complexions would be more
pleasing to look upon.
A new broom generally sweeps clean
but it is also apt to miss a lot of good
dust.
A Caney man recently killed a rat
that was half white and half black.
And he was strictly sober, too.
Fred H. Wilbur must be the Little
Bo-Peep of El Dorado, at any rate
when he came home from New Mexico
he had 2,000 sheep following him.
Howard claims a cornhusker who
husked an average of 103 bushels of
corn a day for 14 days. And How
ard does not claim to be in the corn
belt.
Thirty-seven families frpm Iowa
and Nebraska will locate in Lyon
county before spring, and the Em
poria Gazette says the poorest one i3
bringing with him J 7,000.
Plain, everyday, ordinary robbers
and sand baggers are so thick in Cow
ley county these days, says Tom Left
wlch, that the millionaire cut-ups
hardly get any showing at all.
Reports come from McPherson that
ten thousand rabbits were marketed In
that town one day last week. Fortu
nately It is not necessary to believe all
the reports which are circulated.
Two young men called on a Parsons
woman to rent a room of her. One
complained that he had on tight
shoes, so he rested below while the
landlady took the other man upstairs
to inspect the rooms. They did not
rent them, and later the woman
missed five dollars from the room
where the tirht shoe man had
"rested."
"The average farmer," says a Kan
sas editor, "can tell you the age of
every horse, cow and pig on his farm;
can tell you the day and date when he
got through planting corn and putting
up hay, and the time to the very day
when the old roan cow is expected to
be fresh. But if you want to cause
him to forge1, anything he ever knew,
just ask him the age of one cf his
children."
Senator S. M. Porter has left Caney
for New York for the purpose of se
curing funds with which to build the
Cherrvvale, Oklahoma Central &
Southwestern railroad. Being some
thing of a modest man he is only
looking for $40,000,000 for this pur
pose. Here is hoping that he gets it.
for the construction of such a road
will mean much to the development
of southeastern Kansas.
JAYHAWKER JOTS
KANSAS COMMENT
A FEARFUL CHARGE.
Judge Hutchinson, who retires from
the bench in western Kansas, makes a
most hideous charee aeainst the Demo
crat Who Will ho hl sur-r-
that ought to be investigated by the
nexi legislature. He says that the new
juage introduced eastern Kansas politi
cal methods In the fnmrwiltrn nnd won
He is very indignant. He ought to be.
Just think of the pure in heart politic
ally like the bu neb. in western Kansas,
being made helpless by methods that
have been used, in this part of the state.
Know anything about western Kansas
puuLiciansr Lawrence Journal.
JIM nRB'S r-TTOTfTT!
Attorney General Coleman announces
that there will be no more ouster suits
filed at present. .That allows Jim Orr,
of Atchison, an opportunity to read
U"JU' Jvernardy of Leavenworth and
Mayor Ross of Wichita a lecture on how
to conduct a town. Salina Journal.
A SENSIBLE VIEW.
-ie junction City Union takes a
very sensible view of the ouster nro
ceedlngs filed against the mayor of
"Ml town rjy Attorney General Cole
man. The Union says that Mayor
O Donnell is not to blame for condi
tions there, but the people who elected
him. It was the liberal element which
selected him for mayor, and he was
chosen practically without opposition.
Now that the state has taken action
against the "liberal party" it is the
uutj ot ail citizens to unite In sub
mission to the law and seek to enforce
the law. It declares that Mayor
O'Donnell will be one of the foremost
to accept the verdict, and act in hnr
rnony with the attorney general. Sa-
UNNECESSARY ALARM.
A d!spatch from Guthrie says that
the liquor men are alarmed over de
velopments in the organization of the
Constitution,-! 1 Cftnronfinn WViir
the liquor men feel alarmed? Any
enemy to prohibition will tell you that
more liquor is sold under prohibition
law than there would be either under
lOCal OOtion rir Viin-H Hr-onco Vrvn
never heard any one argue against
pjuuiuiiion in ivansaa mat aid not de
clare that more liquor is sold in this
state than there is in Missouri. If the
constitutional convention in Oklahoma
decided on local option or high license
the liquor men can sell all they want,
and if it decides in favor of prohibition
they can sell more than if either high
license or local option were adopted.
Why should the liquor men take any
interest In the matter? Emporia Ga
zette. COMING INTO HER OWN.
"All money that is to be spent ih
the two Kansas Cltys within the next
ten years will be expended west of the
Kaw river."
This is the strong statement of a
real estate buyer who came here re
cently to negotiate for factory sites.
This prophecy was made after he. in
company with several other real estate
men, had made a tour of the city and
had Investigated the conditions and had
sized up its possibilities.
Although such an assertion comes
with some surprise at first, it must be
admitted that it Is fully Justified both
by the conditions as they really exist
and by a review of the past few years.
From Kansas and the southwest,
Kansas City. Mo., has drawn the most
of her riches and she has drawn them
past this city. Indications are that
within a few years Kansas City, Kan.,
will be so large and .formidable that
this influx of wealth can neither pass
by nor through, but w'ill be held there.
The fact that the population of Kansas
City, Kan., had a larger actual increase
last year than the city across the state
line, also speaks ' well for the : fulfill
ment 'Of the prophecy. Kansas City,
Kan.; Globe. j
FROM OTHER PENS
SMUGGLED.
Patience: "You say she's a great
stickler for Sunday observance?"
Patrice: "Indeed she Is! Why, she
recently returned from Europe, and the
steamer landed on Sunday, and she
would not pay any duty on her dresses
because it was Sunday."
"But how could she avoid paying the
duty?"
'Why, she didn't let thecustoms of
ficers know that she had anything du
tiable!" Yonkers Statesman.
ANOTHER REBUKE.
No doubt Jimmy Hazen Hyde of
Paris looks on the election of his in
quisitor, Cha-rles E. Hughes, as an
other personal affront. Denver Re
publican.
SO FEW?
"There are ten thousand profes
sional criminals in New York," mod
estly concedes a Gotham newspaper.
These figures must have been secured
from the census of 1S1U. New Or
leans Times-Democrat.
EARNING THE MONEY.
All the satisfaction the Standard Oil
company can get out of it at present
is furnished by the fact that its array
of legal talent is earning its money.
Washington Past.
INNOCENTS ABROAD.
It is as pleasing to learn from the
lips of Mr. Harriman himself that Mr.
Harriman controls no railroads as it
was to learn that John D. Rockefeller
has had no interest in the Standard Oil
company for several years. Balti
more American.
PEACE BY THE BOOK ROUTE.
Mr. Andrew Carnegie enters an em
phatic denial of the truth of the report
that he has promised $1,000,000 to
Representative Richard Bartholdt of
Missouri to promote the cause of in
ternational arbitration. This laird of
Skibo castle no doubt believes that the
best way to promote peace on earth
and good will among men is to keep
on in his chosen industry of setting up
libraries wherever he may be allowed
to do so. Baltimore News.
A HEARSTVICTORT.
Hearst beat young Pulitzer in a fist
fight at St. Louis. Well, it must be
some comfort to win something once in
awhile. Denver Republican.
GRANDDADDY OF 'EM ALL.
You see the tracks of Standard Oil
everywhere. It is the sleek, bald-headed
granddaddy of all the little trusts. At
lanta Constitution.
SURELY A CRYING NEED.
Drinkable alcohol which would not
produce denatured men might meet
a much-felt need. Cleveland Leader.
THEY ARE LOCATED.
"Where are all the 'Florodora' girls?"
asked an exchange. Probably living in
Pittsburg. Rochester Po4t-Express.
SUCCESS TO HER.
A Southern girl has opened a law of
fice in Washington, probably for the
advancement of women's patent rights.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
SONGS OF SCHOOLDAYS.
Wuns wenn we had a picknick fore owr
Kiass
In sunde skool but everybuddy hass
to be a skollur lor too weeks befoar
soze thay kood go the sunde skool got
moar
noo skoliurs than it eavur had but wenn
the picknlcks over It dropt off agenn
until they have anuther wun ur wee
are goen to have a sKollurs knsmuss tree
with preasunts fore us awl and sumway
men
the boys awl heer uv it ann Join agenn.
ann if uve got pi in ure lunch at skool
ure onie popular ann uz a rule
ure frlenda draw klose ann asf if you
woani pieese
too talk a mckul ur a Deece uv eheeze.
becaws they've got so mutch ann then
uve sott
to offer um a bite uv pi soze nott
to seme to want it awi urseif ann wenn
itts gone around um awl ann back agenn
thares hardly enny left but u are giadu
u gave um awl a taste uv wott u hadu.
ann hennry beamus sedd it onley shoze
how far a Iittul bit uv kindness goze.
with boys an thade be twice uz good if
may
are only tott ann treeted in the wav
they otto be, ann he sedd reddy brown
belongs to all the sunde skooIs in town
ann goze to all the picnlcks soze to gett
the bennefitt uv beein good ann yet
sum boys he noze are like the heethen
larr
ann doant no wott a blesscn sutch things
New York Times.
The Stockings by the Hearth.
Two thrilling moments fill the hom-i
with rapture and set the children on
tiptoe in a flutter of enthusiasm and
excitement. One is the moment when
the stockings are hung in a row beside
the hearth. They must not be too
close together, lest Santa Claus be In
convenienced when he opens his pack
and begins his task. There are lots
of things that fit into a stocking from
heel to toe, and make it bulge all the
way from ankle to knee. J3ut there art
bigger things, such as skates, sleds,
toy velocipedes, desks, lovely dolls
that have crossed the ocean and know
ever so much about Paris or Vienna,
If they could only talk and tell their
secrets; books that a boy has been long
ing for; rubber boots; In fact there are
no end of perfectly delightful treasures
that come into the house on Christmas
eve and are found by their new owners
on Christmas morning. They are too
large to fill a stocking, and therefore a.
little space must be left between the
stockings of John and those of Mary;
the stockings of Eleanor and those of
Fred. As for father and mother, their
stockings are always crammed with
gifts that are fairly electric with chil
dren's love. Ethel who is twenty-two,
an age her little sister mentions with
awe, found a diamond ring in the toe
of her stocking last Christmas, and the
children feel taller and prouder than
their friends on the street, because soon
alter the holidays Ethel is going to
have a wedding day. Margaret E.
Sangster in the Woman's Home Com
panion. Once Was Enough.
A negro had been appointed post
master in a small Alabama town, but
as there was an indication of some
trouble.it was suggested to him that he
appoint a white man as assistant. This
was done, and things worked very well,
the negro being postmaster In name
only.
It happened that a postoffice In
spector came along one day and found
the "postmaster" in a small back room
sorting mall bags, while the assistant
sat in the office proper, with his feet
on a desk, smoking a cigar.
"What are vou doing back here?
Why don't you occupy your office?"
the Inspector asKea in asioiusmriieui..
"Who? Me? No, sah." the official
said, decidedly. "Ah dun try dat once
de fus" day Ah was 'plnted, an' Mars
Henry dat's de 'sistant postmaster
he dun bus' er chair over mah haid,
an' Ah hatter pay 4 5 cents ter git hit
mended!" Ram s Horn.
Foxy? Rather!
The landlady, turned the postal
card over, read its contents:
"Friend Bill: Meet ua at the Hali-
dorf at 9 tomorrow morning. We will
automobile to Tuxedo, and go up in
the new balloon after lunch.
"REGINALD ASTORBILT.
She smiled softly to herself.
"Why." she said. "I'd no idea! Such
a plain-dressed young fellow, too!
An 'to think I was Just goin' to turn
him out for them eight weeks' back
board!" Los Angeles Times.
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
From the Philadelphia Record.
Even a policeman may pinch him
self to see if he is awake.
The s'mple life appeals only to those
who don't have to live it.
If marriage is a lottery, alimony
must ba a gambling debt.
The most painful part of a surgical
operation is gtvin-g up the money.
Many a man's wealth consists of the
money he Intended to save and didn't.
Thanksgiving sees the Christmas
numbers of the magazines already for
gotten. The straw at which a drowning man
clutches can't very well show which
way the wind blows.
Nell "She calls herself a new wo
man." Belie "Gracious! She Isn't
as old as that, is she?"
The man who boasts that he can
take a drink and leave it alone Is apt to
treat his religion in the same way.
Our socialistic friends shouldn't
worrv about what is to become of the
millionaires; let the automobiles at
tend to them.
Hoax "He went over Niagara Falls
In a barrel and has been blind ever
since." Joax "Ah, sot a cataract in
his eye, I suppose."
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
From the Chicago News.
Be thankful for the privilege of be
ing on earth.
Thanksgiving cheer often means
free lunch and beer.
Be thankful If you still occupy a
seat on the water wagon.
Even the turkeys are chicken-hearted
about this time of year.
A man can't be thankful If he's
caught with the goods on him.
Of course, the Thanksgiving dinner
is a great institution, but don't overdo
ii.
Beauty unadorned isn't adorned the
most in the case of a featherless tur
key. Job was a sorely tried man, but if
in addition to his own troubles he did
n't have to listen to those of his
neighbors he had something to be
thankful for.
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
From the New York Press.
A man could afford to give ten times
as valuable an engagement ring if it
was sure to be broken off.
It would be a gratification to have an
artist in the family if he could provide
his own bread and butter.
If a man could marry a rich wife as
often as he can go to the racetrack he
might win something some day.
A girl thinks you are mlghv slow If
you don't try to flirt with her, and says
you are mighty fast If you do.
THE EVENING STORY 1
Tlie Harrldan-Ormsley Elopement.
(By Mary Wood.)
Katrina Harridan was the sixth of
seven daughters, red-haired, and un
dersized but that did not prevent her
from being a power In her world. At
the Young Ladies' seminary she was
the acknowledged leader as well as the
most intimate friend of her twelve
classmates, each of whom had the
promise of being a bridesmaid at her
wedding. In this they were prescient,
since Thorndyke Ormsley had for some
time made her the object of his atten
tions. Thorndyke Ormsley did not altogeth
er meet with the approval of the class.
They thought him lacking in the dash
and daring requisite for a suitable
match for their president.
Katrina, however, viewed the matter
from a different standpoint. As she
confided to her younger sister Pamela,
"There is something restful in Thron
dyke's conventionality. I always know
just what to expect from him, and I
fancy that I can furnish more of the
element of the unexpected than is
found In most orthodox families."
She therefore smiled upon her ad
mirer. It followed that she had been
graduated but a few months when he
made up his mind that to marry her
was the only proper course of action.
He was too well regulated a young
man to propose to Katrina without
having first spoken to her father. This
was a procedure that the astute mor
sel of girlhood had foreseen and ar
ranged for.
Mr. Harridan was a large comfortable
gentleman who found it easier to be
ruled than to rule. His seven daugh
ters were at once the Joy and the dicta-
tors of his life. He was in the habit of
saying, "Give me girls every time
they are the best of the lot. As for
boys you can get all you want In the
way of sons-in-law. I have acquired
five in the last five years so I ought to
know what I am talking about."
Thorndyke Ormsley knew that he
was an exceptional young man with ex
ceptional prospects, and had therefore
no unreasonable certainty of a satisfac
tory interview with the amiable Mr.
Harridan. He met with a refusal as
unexpected as it was unexplainable.
As he afterward complained to Ka
trina, "I cannot understand it. Your
father was brusque, nervous, quite un
like himself. All that I could get him
to say was that you were too young.
and that he entirely disapproved.
When I tried to argue. Pamela came
in, and he intimated that the Interview
was closed."
Katrina buried her face in his shoul
der. "Oh dear, oh dear!" she wailed.
"What shall we do?"
Thorndvke attempted to comfort her
and he found the process so agreeable
that he prolonged It for some moments
before saying soothingly: "Do not be
discouraged, dear. I will call on him
again. He must be made to see reas
on." As a happy thought struck him,
'Why don't you speak to him, your
self? You girls have always seemed
to get your way pretty thoroughly. He
will say 'yes' to you."
"He won't." Katrina s voice, tnougn
smothered, was decisive.
"Why not?"
"Because I won't let him." Without
giving her lover time to recover from
the shock, she hurried on: "Papa has
lost a great deal of money these last
years. He has really a hard time to
get along, so that another wedding is
out of the question. You don't know
what a wedding costs we have had
five, so we do. There would be the
presents and dresses for those twelve
bridesmaids, the flowers, music, cater
er, trousseau Oh. it is awful, and she
clasped her hands despajringly. "Papa
is always so good; he wanted to mort
gage the house, but I said no.
Light had begun to dawn upon
Ormsley. "Let me, Katrina," he began.
Two red spots appeared in Katrina's
cheeks. "And have us all ashamed to
look you In the face Never! Pamela
and I have decided never to marry un
less we elope."
Thorndyke Ormsley stiffened. "That
is impossible."
Katrina began to cry in earnest. "1
always knw that you were proper, but
I never thought you were so horribly
proper that you cared more for what
people would say than you did for me,"
she sobbed.
Her lover could not resist her tears.
"You know that I love you better than
anything else in the world," he said,
tenderly. "It is not entirely on my own
account that I object there Is Aunt
Harriet. She would be utterly scandal
ized by an elopement. Is It right to dis
tress her when she has done everything
for me and I am all she has?"
At this virtual capitulation, Katrina's
tears ceased to flow. "Then If I get
Aunt Harriet's consent you will be will
ing to elope?" she asked guilelessly.
"I would do anything to marry you,"
he answered with unusual recklessness.
Katrina threw her arms around his
neck. "Then It is as good as settled."
"You don't know Aunt Harriet,"
Ormsley admonished.
"Yes I do. And what is more, I
wager that if you do exactly as I tell
you, she herself will suggest an elope
ment." So the two put their heads together.
Most men would have wished them
selves In Ormsley's place. He must have
been sensible of his privileges for ho
left the house more In love than ever
and vowed to play his part in the com
edy Katrina refused to admit the pos
sibility of a tragedy.
Miss Harriet Ormsley lived In a big
old-fashioned house called "The Larch
es." She had the only victoria In town,
her butler always stood behind her
chair at dinner, and her parlor-maid
wore French caps. In all respects her
establishment was most correct. But
its rhythmic order and the mind of Its
mistress were alike disturbed by the
strange behaviour of young Mr. Orm
sley. For three or four days he had
eaten scarcely anything, although his
aunt ordered his favorite dishes, and
Jenkins served them to a nicety. In
stead of going out of an evening he
brooded over the fire or feverishly
paced his room. His rapid footfalls
could be heard long after the rest of
the family had retired.
Miss Harriet loved her nephew as
she had his father before him. When
he had successively refused to take a
tonic, see a physician, or consider a
sea trip, alarm overcame her usual
stiffness and she implored an explana
tion. Thorndyke gave it reluctantly.
He loved Katrina Harridan. Katrina
loved him.. Her father objected. That
was the end of It.
Miss Harriet listened in amazement.
An Ormsley her nephew refused by
a Harridan a mere upstart In society!
It was ridiculous, preposterous!
Thorndyke refused further discus
sion of the subject. His aunt lay awake
most of the night, and as the clock
chimed the hours of the early morning
so did her Indignation grow.
It was almost at boiling point the
next day when Katrina was announced.
Before her hostess could speak the girl
threw herself in her arms.
"Oh. dear Miss Harriet," she cried,
"of course Thorndyke has told you. I
suppose I ought not to be here, w hen I
am forbidden to have anything to do
with him, but it can't be wrnog to come
when he is away."
Miss Harriet found herself patting
Katrina's head. . t
"Do not cry, my dear," she said, witfc .
difficulty, due to a remarkable strictura .7
in her throat. "It Is a deplorable situ- "
ation, but your father can not be an
entire he must be made to see reason.
I will call and explain."
This conclusion was far from reas
suring to Katrina. Yet the young
diplomat managed to murmur with a
fair assumption of gratitude: "That
is so good of you, dear Miss Harriet.
If Thorndyke and I are ever happy
it will all be due to you."
On her way home Miss Harridan
found it Imperative to call at hef
father's office or, rather, to call on
the office boy. Tommy Jenks was hsf
staunch admirer, for she had a way of
treating him as if he were already a
member of the firm.
"Tommy, if Miss Harriet calls to see
father during the next few days. Jast
tell her that he is engaged. She would
only worry him. Do you think that
you could keep her out for me?"
She smiled engagingly.
The office boy was flattered by this
proof of confidence. "Sure I can, Miss
Katrina," he declared, stoutly. "Just
you trust to Tommy Jenks."
Miss Ormsley called at the office
several times. At each visit -Tommy
blandly assured her that Mr. Harridan
was out.
"It is impossible," she declared in
dignantly. But the office boy played
his role to perfection.
Katrina's next visit to The Larches
found its mistress in a state, of mind
quite at variance with her usual ele
gant calm. "Your father. In coalition
with his impudent office boy, has re
fused to see me. He shows regard
neither for my age and position, nor
for the happiness of my nephew."
Katrina listened meekly, for she
saw that no suggestions were needed .
the Ormsley blood was up. Yet even
she was surprised by the suddenness -r-
with which Miss Harriet seized her by
the shoulders and half swung her
round as she cried: "If you had any
spirit in you, you would marry wit
out n:s consent:
"Elope!" Katrina's tone was horror-struck.
"Yes, elope!"
"But what would people say?" the
girl objected.
"Am Ormsley is above the vulgar
criticism of the general public," Miss
Harriet answersd majestically. "And,
indeed, you can scarcely call It an
elopement when I will see you mar
ried and give a reception at The
Larches in the evening."
So, finally, Katrina and Thorndyke
allowed themselves to be won over to
Miss Ormsley's way of thinking. That
fiery old lady insisted on making all of
he arrangements and was filled with
exultation whenever she thought of
Mr. Harridan and his discomfiture.
She was the only witness at the
ceremony, for when she suggested a
few guests, Katrina demurred.
"If I cannot have my own family, I
do not want anyone but you," she de
clared. "I would have liked to have had
those twelve bridesmaids," she added
with a self-sacrificing sigh.
"They will all be there in the evening,"
Miss Harriet comforted.
So they were, but it was 'an eleven
hour guest who had the place of honor.
It was on the way home from church
that Katrina begged Miss Harriet to
break the news to her father ad to Im
plore him to forgive her on her wedding
night. Softened by the sight of youthful
happiness. Miss Harriet could not re
fuse. In this embassy she was successful. Mr.
Harridan presented a bold front but he
speedily capitulated before her eloquence.
Miss Harriet almost forgave his former
obduracy since it made her victory the
more signal. Thus It happened that Mr.
Harridan kissed the bride and drank to
the health of the groom with equal
fervency.
When Mr. and Mrs. Thorndyke Ormsley
were driving to the station the first step
on their wedding Journey the groom
gave voice to a presentiment which all
evening had clouded his happiness.
"I noticed that young Croxton was very
attentive to Pamela tonight. Does that
mean another elopement?"
Katrina gave a happy laugh as she
held up a slip of paper.
"Did you not see this, stupid boy? It
is Aunt Harriet's present to me a check
for five thousand. She said she wanted
me to be sure of my welcome in the
family. Dear Aunt Harriet! It was a
shame to fool her. Yet I think she en
joyed It and it was absolutely neces
sary. Part of this check shall go for
Pamela's wedding. I can promise you
that this shall be the last Harridan
elopement." (Copyright, 1906, by C. H.
Sutcliffe.)
"Listen to this, Maria," said Mr. Stubb
as he unfolded his scientific paper. "This
article states that in some of the old Ro
man prisons that have been unearthed
they found the petrified remains of the
prisoners." "Gracious. John!" replied
Mrs. Stubb, with a smile. "I suppose you
would call them hardened criminals."
Chicago Daily News.
Opportunity looked sadly perturbed
"There are forty-seven or niore people in
that apartment house upon whose doors I
ought to knock, but the Janitor won't let
me In!" Puck.
The Butler "The house Is on fire, ma
dam. Here are all the hand-grenades."
Mrs. Paceklll "You should have brought
them on a tray, William." Life.
GLOBE SIGHTS.
)- - -
,j HUMOR OP THE DAY.
From the Atchison Globe.
Everything comes the way of some
men but cash.
There Is only one way to meet Im
politeness: Ignore It.
The women who have the big din
ner to prepare are more thankful on
Friday, after It Is all over.
Which Is there more of In th world:
Abuse of men by women and of women Ji
by men, or courting? J- i
Your friends do not ask you to pral3,
your rival, but they do thinit yo4
should not expect them to hate hint
as you do.
If you show your dislikus very
ttrorgly you can not be accuse.! cf
beinir a hypocrite, but people wl!l say
you are exceedingly impolite.
It is a part of the love disease for
a girl to worry- more if her young man
gets a splinter in his thumb than If
Father gets a telegraph pole In his
arm.
After a woman has been married as
long as six months, there la nothing
in the world that seems as big to her
as the salary she used to get as a girl,
and the longer she Is married the big
ger it seems.
We wonder that It never occurs to a
drunkard that he could attract a lot
of favorable attention by remaining
sober. Every man In town would con
gratulate him, and speak well of him,
and help him in every way possible.
Clothing and drygoods men were
much disgusted today; most of the peo
ple down town were not looking for dry
goods or clothing, but for oysters, and
cranberries, and plum pudding, and
celery. "The pigs!" one clothing man
said, as the people sailed by his store,
and dived Into the grocery stores.
Americans have been engaged many
years In an attempt to prove that all
men are equal. Still, at the Atchison
coal mine, one miner will earn $7.20
in eight hours, working by the piece,
while another man with equal oppor
tunities will earn $2.20. And when the
$7.20 man becomes rich, how the $2.20
man, will roast him for Corruptlon
f