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THE TOPEKA. DAILY STATE JOURHAL HOIIDAY EVENING, JUNE 3, 1007.
TOPER ST1TE JOURNAL By FOA5K P. MAC IEXXAX. fEntered July U 1ST cond-clAM VOLUME XXXIV.. No. 133 O fticlal Paper City of Topeka. TERMS OK SUBSCRIPTION. Dally edition, delivered by carrier. 10 cent a week to any part 01 i auburbi. or at tho uni price In any Kin- towns where th paper ha a carrier system. gy mall, one year Fty moll, three months BatUrdaV -Hltlnr. Halll. OH Mar.... goafnesa office ?2 Business office 'iT.li stt Reporters' Room ".g Importers- Room J"- -5 rank P. MneLennan Ind- 700 Toneka State Journal bu'iainfr- Ario vilith. N'ew Tork office: Flatlron buitdlnS. Twent-v-thlrd atreet. corner Fifth avenue an Broadway. Paul Block. """ ,i Chicago office: Hartford building. Paul manager. 7TTT.T. T174017n TTTt V WWTH"lTtT OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS. The State Journal la a member of the Associated Press and receives me run j telerraph reoort of that great or ganisation for the exclusive afternoon publication in Tooeka. . nal building over wire for thl sola pur- poaa. Also, is there no parasite for the clmex lectularius? " "Wonder If Nature Writer Long is still waiting for that apology. What this country needs is a larger crop of Francis J. Heneys. Speaking of paradoxes., how about these Taft and Mulvane clubs? Thus far Dr. Long has escaped being classed as an undesirable citizen. Olstrict Attorney Jerome says New Tork is "comparatively moral." So was Sodom. It is suspected that some presiden tial candidates are looking forward as far as 1912. Ten thousand strikers at San Fran rim have eone back to work. Let the good work go on. The Leavenworth Times rises to cor xect the impression that monologues will be used in the monorail type of railway. The Salina Journal observes that the Ftate now has the drop on the brewers However, the brewers have several drops left. Tt is stated that beef prices may go un. but this has no connection with the winnings the bulls "have been making In the wheat pit. The railroad magnates were expect ing considerable comfort from the president's Indianapolis speech. Do vou think they got It? May Irwin married her press agent tia,l of a steel trust magnate. Miss Irwin has a few hundred thousand of her own and doesn't need the money. . Patrick Calhoun Is pursuing the old tactics of crying "Stop, thief!" and pointing at Rudolph Spreckels in or der to divert attention from himself. An exchange accuses the thermome ter of being engaged in low-down work this spring. This may be true, but the mercury promises to rise in the world. At any rate the green bug and th-; dry weather delayed In transmission the annual row between D. W. Blaine and T. B. Gerow over the harvest hand shortage. Noting that bugs of numerous kinds are eating various plants and tres, Henry Allen remarks that something also seems to be working on the Anheuser-Busch. The Kansas City Star wants the Democrats to "make the right kind of nomination for the presidency next year." Is the Star Joining forces with John Temple Graves? Incidentally the country has not for gotten that Taft declared for tariff re vision while up In Maine last ' year, which is another reason why the pub lic warms up to him. It is still snowing occasionally up north. We sincerely trust our north ern friends will not have to put their binders on sleigh-runners when it comes time to harvest their wheat. The Emperor of Austrl.i is quoted in favor of a third term 'or Roosevelt. Still, this doesn't make It unanimous, for there are Harriman. Honore Jaxon, and Dr. Long to be reckoned with, to say nothing of the president himself. Since President Roosevelt has come out for the federal incorporation of railroads, the Leavenworth Times takes occasion to print an editorial on "The Vindication of Brother Stubbs." The Standard Oil company isn't tho only Institution that advances prices to pay penalties. Up at Mankato a horse was frightened by a circus parade, and. Tunning away, was killed. The owner of the horse compelled the circus manage ment to pay 180 damages for the horse, but the circus much more than played even by putting the price of admission Tip from 25 to 50 cents and the people paid the freight. There are evidently no snake bites up at Holton, nor is there such an epidemic of Indigestion as seems to be prevailing tn Topeka. "Holton." says the Recor der of that place, ""has demonstrated that drug stores can run and the peo ple enoy a measurable degree of health without whisky or other intoxicants for medicine. It has been years since a sin gle druggist In Jackson county has been granted a state permit to sell in toxicating liquor as a medicine, and In alt that time we have not beard of a Ciliary case of death er relapse or' other serious consequence because whisky could not be obtained as medi cine. If anyone knows of such a case they will please report." OXE RESULT. While some people are urging just now that a private corporation will light the streets' of Topeka better and cheap er than the city can do it itself, it is a good time to recall what municipal own ership has done for the water system of Topeka. Under private ownership three or four years ago the water was notoriously muddy much of the time. Many people were afraid to drink it. Besides that, the pressure was extremely poor. In some houses the water would not run on the second floor if a faucet on the first floor was open. There was constant com plaint among business men because the city was in great danger from fire through low water pressure. It is assert ed that some of the serious fires that To peka had three or four years ago were due to that cause. Under private owner ship, too, it was impossible to secure ex tensions to those portions . of the city that were without water service and lire protection. The city bought the water system, paying what many people believe was an exorbitant price, but notwithstanding that the service has been tremendously improved and the rates have been -no higher than formerly and as soon as certain improvements and extensions are completed a few months hence, the rates will doubtless be lowered. Under municipal ownership there is no longer complaint about dirty and im pure water. No longer is anything said about fire danger, caused by low pressure. Already a vast amount of extensions and improvements have been made In the system, and it will not be long un til practically the whole city will have water Eervlce. - People accept this Improved service as a matter of course, yet they have only to look back three or four years to per ceive the trefhendous improvement there has been In the water service of Topeka, and at no additional cost to the con sumer. In fact, the rates have been kept up to the former point only in or der to make extensions of the system. That is the difference between munic ipal ownership and private ownership. When you are told that a private cor poration will give the city better light service at less rates than the city can give itself. Just remember this exper ience with the water system. In reali ty, with a modern electric plant, the city can light its own streets and save a great amount of money. TRUSTS AND NEWSPAPERS. "The "greatest trust evil today," says Senator Beveridge, "is the corrupt control of many of the newspapers by trusts, street railway companies, and other predatory corporations. For this evil there is no remedy but in the people themselves. Somehow or oth er, the people must come to know about these things." " And some how or other, the people do come to know about them. The public speedily recognizes it when a newspaper caters to, or is controlled by corporate interests, and such pa pers are rarely successful financially. A notable instance of this has just happened in Chicago in the suspension of the Chicago Chronicle. Typograph ically the Chronicle was the handsom est paper In Chicago. It was ably edited and its news features were ex cellent, yet it was a financial failure. The personal organ of John R. Walsh, the indicted Chicago . banker" and plunger, it was the recognized organ of certain corporate interests, and af ter the failure" of Walsh It could not survive. Notwithstanding its excellent appearance and brilliant editorial management. It could not live on Its legitimate support. Some time ago it was remarked by a Topeka newspa per man that the Chronicle did not carry an inch of Chicago advertising aside from railroad and theatrical an nouncements and a small amount of financial matter. Senator RpvpHrlp. f rUht . i . - ' e " u i i ii n corrupt control of some newspapers by trusts and corporations being an evil, but it is not so great an evil as he seems to think, because the public Is not easily! fooled in the matter. PUZZLE: HXD THE LESSOX. There is an exceedintrlv lesson for the average merchant hid den In a paraerarjh in th t , rnt 1 Vl Tr Tl ti a f i n n it- I . , j j, . . v mi i. it i -in l ninuen very - r ...... v . . j . r-1 1 1 ti 1 1 amount or excavating will uncover It. and It should be especially valuable tn th. country merchant who complains of the encroachments - made by the big mail order houses on his trade. Here is the paragraph: "Over 600 Sears-Roebuck ra to. logues were received in the Larned postofflce Wednesday morning. It took forty-six sacks to hold them. It Is said that each catalogue costs the firm one dollar to print. It took 28 cents in postage for each catalogue. That means over $500 for the books and $100 for postage. Six hundred dollars spent in Larned alone hv on mall order house for advertising. And yet some local merchants who sell better articles at cheaper prices than the mall order houses are lotting trari get awav from them simmv hn no they will not advertise because they aon l Deneve in advertising. Does advertising pay? Ask Sears-Roebuck. The only thing on earth that keeps up tne man order house is advertising." Impossible. The German's incapacity for humor Is more proverbial than his aversion to ventilation, though perhaps less real. A year or so ago an American student in Berlin was attending a lec ture in a room drowsily close. To keep awake he began whisperinsr to a German at his side the story of Marie Twain about the man who lived all his life In a chronic fear of fresh air. The relatives of this man, as is well known, decided after his death to have hi remains cremated; and the climax of the story occurs when the undertaker, opening the door of the oven to see whether incineration was complete. waa appalled to hear the corpse speak out and request him to close the door and shut off the draught. The American sprung the joke as effectively as he oould. But never a smile was his reward. His German friend remained for several moments in a perplexed study. Then he leaned over to the American and said: "But how could that be? The man was dead!" Harper's Weekly. JOURNAL ENTRIES "The trouble with some men," said Deacon Twogood today, "is that they work too hard at saving the country and not hard enough at saving their salaries." i... t j ,..inir that doesn't do 11 a win oiJiii's - . some one good. This one has fur- nisnea a great vaneiy v ttofA "cipnp u Ti at tne IIIUOC YV UW HU V . ,t drug stores for "something warming. t . .A.,Alr1 mnnh without i.knna it wnnlr! nav the Hotels to advertise their $2.00 a day rooms in the-bargain columns as " " to $1.98. t oanee arithmetic falls down. For instance, if a man was born in 1867 and a woman In 1877, you can . v.a ,iitt.r.np. in their ages by subtracting the figures; for the man Is probably is years tne oiu. T . n IniractlffntA roll WOUld 11 J v u ".I- - -- -'-n ' v, v. i An,4 that anmA nf tne men who helped to swell the 21,336 drug store liquor sales last month, make a big fuss aDOUl tne increaacu t living. ' J A Yffji WKER JOTS Holton has a population of 3,287 this year, which is a decrease of 138 under last year's figures. What's the matter with Holton? A doe at El Dorado bit a child. The dog, it is explained, was not mad, but the ' child's parents were, and the dog died Just the same. A box containing some bones, supposed to be those of a child, was dug up at Muscotah recently and created consid erable excitement until a citizens came forward with the statement that he once buried a dog there. Improvement note in the Horton Headlight: When Police Judge Davis went into office two years ago this May he had 16 court casess the grst month. This last month, April, he had no cases at all. Horton Is surely growing better. An engine at the roundhouse in Great Bend had trouble with its injector whatever that is and the machinists could not figure out the difficulty. At length one of them removed a fish weigh ing a pound and a half that had got into the Injector. The Kingman Cattlemen's Picnic will be held this year on August 20-23. It is hoped that summer will be far enough advanced by that time that overcoats will not be necessary. The cattlemen's picnic at Kingman is one of the big annual events of the southwest. A Horton young man was in the habit of taking his dog along for company when he went to see his steady, accord ing to the Headlight. The dog usually sat outside. Now the couple have call ed it off, but the dog still calls in the evening and sits outside the door. Ever hear of a clothespin social. The women of Norwich gave one recently, and here is the way it is done: Each woman dresses two clothespins eactly alike. Then all the clothespins are dumped into a basket and drawn one at a time by the guests, the man tak ing to dinner the woman who draws the twin of his clothespin. Charles Bacon, of Elllnwood, says ho was lucky this year for once in his life. Only a few weeks ago when wheat was selling on the market for 61 cents he tried every way conceivable to get men and teams to haul his wheat crop to market but could not get anyone to do the work. Now he is offered 90 cents a bushel on the Elllnwood market ana says he will hold it for a dollar a bushel. The Colby Commercial club recently received a proposition from an eastern firm stating that they would put in a cement block plant in Colby if the city would give them a bonus of J4.000. The Commercial club in reply told them that If the city and Us business men wanted a cement plant they would build one and buy a few carloads of material with the $4,000, and if when that was done they were unable to find some fellow closer home who would ac cept It as a gift they would keep them In mind and make the deed out in theli name. POINTED PARAGRAPHS. From the Chicago News. One pair in the front parlor beats three of a kind. About all that some men are good for Is to pose as horrible examples. All men are not dishonest; some of us have to furnish the incentive. . A woman always likes to have the tel ephone ring when she has company. Our Idea of a smart baby is one that does its sleeping during the night. A wise young man keeps his fingers crossed to avoid being crossed in love. It takes a clever woman to convince a man that she knows less, than he does. If it wasn't for the mistakes they make some men would never be heard of. Tell a woman she is beautiful and she will forgive you for saying she has no brains. "A man is apt to put his thinking cap on when his wife expresses a desire for a new bonnet. Some men manage to acquire a repu tation for cleverness by working what little they -know overtime. When a woman begins to dye her hall she begins to suspect some other wo man's figure of being unnatural. It is easy to convince the average wo man that her husband Is always right except when he Is arguing with her. QUAKER REFLECTIONS. From the Philadelphia Record. " The spring fever germ is In our midst. Many a convict has discovered that a checkered career leads to a striped one. The Germans as a nation are very strong in their likes. This is particular ly true of cheese. Nell "The bride looks as though she had lost her best friend." Belle "She probably has. She married him." Borrowell "I once saw a fellow light a cigar with a $5 bill." Harduppe "That's nothing. I burn all my bills." Wlgg "Does he ever write fiction?" Wagg "Fiction? Why, he's a past master at it. He gets up the weather reports." , - "There is. this to be said In favor of a nagging wife." observed the" Cynical Bachelor; "she makes her husband for get all his other troubles." ' "Excuse me, sir," remarked the weary wayfarer, "but I don't know where my next meal is coming from." "Neither do I." replied the prosperous looking Individual. "My cook left this morning, too." KANSAS, COMMENT A I'KLEGRAPH TRUST. Tne tw'o big telegraph companies in tne country recently announced an In crease in rates for services of practi callvsn i.r . . i ' ' -iil. kjl L-uurae, I L was utiu merest coincidence that both shomd ..-.c i-uoieu tne advance at tne s-jime time, and that it should have been the same fnr htth .i ... 1 1 . wiu cuueerus, iui i lie u ui i v- must know that the competition be- twAn .ho . - . . . .. . uic two is sumtmn nerce. reason , for the higher charge has not been stated. It is not at all unlikely, however, that the telegraph companies have been compelled to Increase tho "f thatw. . 1-1 V A - " v ui tuns iui uc iu gci their money counted during business s luia naturany wouiu aug ment their operating expenses, which might account for the advance. The country is doing more telegraphing than ever before, and the volume of it as turoll an f 1 . . : s . . ' - ' i;ubi i euuiiuuua. vile doesn't like to believe that we have a leircmm trust along witn tne otner monopolies. Indeed, we are almost sura that ihdr. la -i ,.,.-. .hitler Rut n H i r the federal congress and the states get thmnvh .iwr.i 1. . . V ., 11 ...... .1. " .... ..wqi. ic&uiaunjg inc lauiunue, .t the telegraph business. Leavenworth Timaa . .. MR. MALATcTs MISTAKE. Malato, the Italian who married the widow of Anarchist Spies 20 years ag.-, has sued her for a divorce. He alleges among other indignities, that she hit him with a washboard. If Mr. Malato had been using the washbord at tho; time the accident would not have hap pened. Mrs. Malato probably came in lrom a public meeting and found him loafing on the Job. Wichita Beacon. THE SIDES. ' The Harrimans, et al., assert that there are two sides to the railway ques tion. Much obliged for the concession. These managements have been acting as if there waa only one side until dis criminations, rebates, diluted stocks and manipulations forced the conclu sion that there are four sides besides the top and bottom sides. Wichita Ea gle. IMPORTANT. As we understand the controversy between President Roosevelt and Dr. Long is whether a dog can kill a cari bou .with a bite -on the Dreast. xnis is a very Important matter and ought to be decided so the people will get the benefit of it. Hutchinson News. NOT THAT. Eleven Topeka school ma'ams havo resigned, and it is hinted that the rea son Is not dissatisfaction with the amount of salary they received. Leav enworth Times. ALL THATli" LACKING. A syndicate has been formed to build a railroad connecting North lm.rlf.on a-nA Rmith America. Tt has a charter under the laws of Arizona and all it jeaa is money. Hutchinson News. 0 FROM OTHER PENS "PIGS IS PIGS.". Secretary Bonaparte offers an interest ing variant on the common argument of the standpatters that you must not re move the tariff on. trust-made articles, for fear that the small producer of the same article wilt Buffer still more se verely. In a speech before the French American Republican club of Boston on Saturday night he" aptly likened the trusts to . hogs "which crowd their smaller and ' weaker fellows from the feeding .trough so "that they don't get their fair share of our national, pros perity." He believed the real problem was so to fence off the great beasts as to give the little 'ones "a show. Now, the policy of the Republican party and President Roosevelt was, according to Mr. Bonaparte, to keep "each pig In its proper pen, where It can't crowd out any of the little fellows around it." This is a charming picture of the contented porkers. each in his particular pen, none getting a drop more of swill than his due. To argue from it is, however, like arguing from a meta phor, for the simple but sufficient rea son that pigs are pigs. So long as the Republican party continues to flood the trough with swill In the form of tariff favors so long will the big hogs crowd the little ones away. The separating partitions which Secretary Bonaparte imagines must, if there is to be given a possibility of competition in trade, al ways remain a figment of the imagina tion. New York Evening Post. A BAS BROADWAY. Hasn't a suffering public had about enough of this "Broadway" business In play, song, monologue, sketch and other stage devices put forth to scoop in the dollars of people west of the Alle- ghenles? These dollar are good money and they are deserving of something more worth while than this everlasting chatter of Broadway. -Sane people long ago observed that the country was be ing surfeited with glorification of a thor oughfare noted principally for its flaunt ing vice with an , especially alluring glamour. The fact is, there are a great many people this side of Hoboken who have seen Broadway, startling as this assertion may seem to some New York ers, and they are not tremendously con cerned with it. They know that there are atmospheres far more wholesome and far more American in many cities than that to be found on Broadway when the electric lights begin to twinkle. Pittsburg Gazette. A MORTGAGE DEFINED. Mr. Sylvester Seymour (whoever he may be) . indignantly inquires whether Hon. W. J. Bryan has a mortgage on the Democratic party. Not one that is legally binding, perhaps, such ae Mr. Hearst has on his political trust. But the real meaning of the word mort gage is "a death-grip," and that the Nebraska statesman certainly does ap pear to have on the Democracy. Nor folk Virginian-Pilot. SINCE THE CRIME OF '73. Mr. Bryan thinks that "we are on the eve of a great ethical awakening." What does Mr. Bryan think we have been go ing through New Bedford Evening Standard. o IS THIS A RIGHTEOUS PEACE? Tammany Hall and the mayor of New York are to bury the hatchet. First moral effect of the late peace confer ence. This ought to encourage the movement considerably. Baltimore American. - CHINA. The Chinese are busy building up an army on European and American lines. Also the Chinese are busy keeping away from peace congresses. It may be well to keep an eye or two on the Chinese. Philadelphia Public, Ledger, DON'T HAVE A SPASM. Spasms of virtue and spasms of re form do no good. The only way to ef fect reform Is by cool, persistent, deter mined effort. Birmingham Ledger. THE AVAIL OP A WAITRESS. She ain't so much! I seen her at the show, if she's a ravin' beauiv 1 don't know "W hat good Iooks is, an' I shan't never lejirii. I tlnnK my shape is just as good as hern say ua.tr iuoKS pretty wnen x ao it tow. Gee, when I seen her fa.ee I trot a blow. I thought the girl that got him for a beau Wouid be a person that had style to Durn She ain't so much! " That kind Is only lookin' for the dough, I think somebodv'd ousrhter tell him so Before he spends more money'n he can earn. - "Tain't ud to me to do him a good turn. But if it was, I'd say: "I feel as .though blie am t so much! Smart Set. Counting China's Millions. We have seen no attempt to frame a graphic conception of tne stupend ous aggregate ot China's millions half so successful as that of our veteran American Baptist missionary, the Rev. Dr. William Ashmore (.now liv ing at Wollaston, Massachusetts.) It was first worked out during his resi dence at Swatow, China, in 1888, and printed- there. But it will serve ex cellently well at the present moment when in various relations, political military, and social, as well as human itarian and religious, the world s at tention Is being concentrated upon China. Dr. Ashmore's method is to imagine the population of 400,000,000 on the inarch in review. Before he gets through, the reader's head fairly swims and reels at the passing of the interminable multitudes. The authorities differ on the popu lation' of China. The old official .cen sus of 1812 made it 360,000,000. A late statement based on partial re turns puts it at 382,000,000; but it is often quoted in round numbers at 400,000,000. Dr. Ashmore takes the lowest of all these figures in the cal culations that follow. For a basis of comparison he adopts the exodus of the nation of 6,000,000 which passed before Moses, "field-marshal of the living God," on its march from one country to another by the way of the Red sea, the wilderness of Paran, and the River Jordan. That pageant of the tribes of Israel has inspired liter ature and all the arts from that day to this, has been celebrated in legend and music, and yet no adequate con ception has probably ever been formed of the stupendous - cavalcade. But that was 6,000,000 as against the 360,- 000,000 of Chinese which Dr. Ash more arrays. To help us form the picture he calls to mind the review of the United Armies of the Union at Washington after the civil war. Any body privileged to possess a seat for that pageant has talked of it ever since. For witnessing the review of China's hundreds of millions Dr. Ash more warns us to get ready our tents. "Make them good and strong, able to endure pelting storms and changes of season, for it is no holiday's work you are settled down to. Twelve hours a day is long march ing, but he proposes keeping the vast army of living men, women, and chil dren going at that rate. Further more, he makes them march In close order: and not only that, but in "lock- step," allowing but a foot and a half to each person instead of the two and a half feet to each man allowed In military close-order marching. Twenty miles a day is good work for a column on the march, and at that rate each million will require fourteen days in passing. And now with all things ready the grand old missionary starts the col umns and review on the first day of June. He marshals the Chinese by their- great provinces. First comes Chihll. the capital province of the em pire, about the size of the state of 111! nois. In that space is packed a popu lation of 27,990,871. They will reaeh 7.952 miles, narly, and the line will stretch -from the steps of the capitol at Washington, across the continent. and far away Into the r.-.iddle of the Pacific ocean, and win require 387 days In passing. "You see you are in for it," says Dr. Ashmore; "you thought you would sit it out on that line if it took all sum mer, but summer comes and summer goes and there you are still; lay in a stock of coal, for winter will be upon you before a qdarter of them have gone by; autumn passes, winter passes, spring passes, and you are well Into the heat of a second summer be fore vou have seen the last of that column, and that Is only one column. After that there will be fifteen more columns, and the procession will have been over thirteen years In passing." E. H. Clement, in Harper's Weekly. Sympathy That Went Wrong. Not long ago a Los Angeles million aire, whose kindly sympathy and gen erous Impulses so predominate in his nature that he gets his greatest pleas ure from helping others, learned of the death of the wife of his favorite barber. Instinctively his f -st thought was to ex tend his sympathy, and do it in a prac tical way. So he promptly wrote a let ter of condolence to the afflicted hus band and inclosed with it a check for $100. "to help meet the burden of ex pense brought by the sad bereave ment." A day or two later he received the check back, accompanied by a letter from the barber which ran about as fol lows: "Dear : I have received your kind letter of condolence, accompanied by your check for $100. I assure you that I appreciate your sympathy, but I must return your generous gift. The fact is that the deceased was divorced from me several years ago. Since that time I have been paying her alimony at the rate of $50 a month. I feel therefore that I can bear the financial burden brought by this act of Providence. Gratefully yours. Barber." Los Angeles Times. Hart Too Many Tricks. The Irishman wanted to sell the dog, but the prospectibe buyer was sus picious and finally decided not to buy. The man then told him why he waa so anxious to sell. "You see, he said, "I bought the dog and trained him myself. I got him so he'd bark all the time if a' person stepped inside the gate; and I thought I was safe from burglars. Then my wife wanted me to train him to carry bundles, and I did. If I put a packet in his mouth the dog would keep it there till some one took it away. Well, one night I woke up and heard some one in the next room. I got up and grabbed my gun. They were there three of the scoundrels and the dog." - VDidn't he bark?" interrupted the man. - . "Narrv a bark; he was too busy." i "Busy? -What doing?" ' "Carrying" a lantern for the burg lars." Dublin Freeman. DlOn's 'Member. "Mamma says for you to please tell when it is 4 o'clock, for she says I must come home then," said our neigh bor's wee daughter, when she came over to play with our children one afternoon. When the time came, I reminded her of what her mother had said. "Oh, mam ma said If I 'membered, but I don't 'member," said the child, and kept on playing. Chicago Tribune. THE EVENING STORY Beware the Benedicts! (By H. M. Kerner.) The new Mrs. Wolcott regarded Billy Bevan distrustfully. Not until the train had pulled out and she had sent her newly acquired husband fji'Wrci to the baggage car to remove excess baggage In the shape of white satin streamers from their trunks, would he feel safe. Billy Bevan was only happy when playing practical Jokes. He was happiest when his victims were bridal couples. Suddenly Bevan snapped a handcuff upon her husband's wrist and was drawing the bride and groom together with a mocking "till death do thee part" when he felt the cold steel on his -own wrist and heard the fatal click. He, not the bride, was hand cuffed to Wolcott. "I say," he cried protestingly. "This is not fair." "You can unlock yourself In time to leave at the next station," said Wol cott. "It's poetic justice, Billy." "It's confoundedly unpleasant," Billy retorted. "You see, I did not get the key; never supposed that I should need one. I Just could see you going to th hotel and asking that a pitcher of ice water and a policeman be sent to j-our room." ; "This is the better Joke," smllad Wolcott. "It will teach you that may rintro ia anmethine sacred: not merely' a plea upon which to hang fool Jokes- Let's go ahead to tne smoaing bu. n will be less conspicouous there than here." t . .. . ' Arm in arm they made tneir way i th r.afa r-ar hilt nnce there Wolcott dropped Bevan's wrist and let the cuff show. . They Immediately became the centsr of attention. One man, more curious than the rest, turned to woicott. prisoner?" he asked. The bridegroom regarded Bevan with a benevolent smile. . . , Hs is a prisoner of nis own um&- . . . l .- 1 "1- V. '1 1 1 ing, WOlCOtt expiaiiieu. i." yawns for him, but it is more likely to be tne insane asyium mni. comes into its own." I see." srrinned tne quesuunci . "You're that bridal couple three cars back." . "I am part of that happy pair, con ceded Wolcott, "but this is not the partner of my joys and sorrows. H simply shares my sorrows at the pres ent time." ' "You're a sharer all right," agreed Bevan with a chucklei "There's some consolation in that. Think of poor Bess back there in the chair car an alone." She would rather be rid of us, said Wolcott comfortably. "It is all your own fault Billy. I begged you not to try any of your fool tricks. Beware of the benedicts, Billy. They win all nav vou back some day wnen your neck goes under the matrimonial yoke." The lady says to come on oacs ana bring your friend," reported tne white-coated porter. "There's a seat next yours he can get." Bevan s eves snapped. tie couia make things interesting back in the chair car. But his amiable intention to turn the Joke on his involuntary host was checked, for a dapper uttie man stepped forward. 'Permit me. he said. i am a band-cuff magician. "I can take those off if you wish." "Then he 11 go ranting tnrougn tne train," said Wolcott. "I'd rathep have him where I can watch mm. "No. it will be all right," said the magician as he threw a handkerchief over the cuffs. A click and Wolcott withdrew his hand, rubbing his chafed wrist Bevan attempted to do the same but when the handcuff king removed the cloth it was seen that the , cuff had been slipped around the arm of Bevan's chair. You wish him released at the next station?" asked the magician.' Better carry him to Presbry," said Wolcott. "He has some friends there. Bevan groaned. Grace Coburn lived at Presbry. If any one should detect his plight and tell her . He snooK his free fist after Wolcott's retreating form. At Presbry, Wolcott came up Just aa the first cuff was unfastened from the chair. - Let him keep the other, he sug gested. "He seems so fond of them it would be a shame to remove them." "Quite so," agreed the magician. 'Monsieur is too fond of a joke to let this terminate so abruptly? Is it not so?" "Give my regards to Grace in case you see her," called Wolcott as Bevan made for the door. Bevan breathed a prayer that ha would not see her, but as he stepped . to the platform, she came towards him with sparkling eyes. Why didn't you let us know that you were coming?" ahe cried as she ' shook hands. I didn't know it myself," he ex plained. "You see I was carried off while I was saying good-by to Ted Wolcott and Bess, so I came on for a call." "I'm glad you did," she said smiling ly. "It's too bad I did not know that Bess was on the train. I came to see May Lewis off. Oh! have you hurt your wrist, Billy?" A little, he admitted lamely. scowling at the handkerchief bandage around the offending cuffs. "I'll tell you about It as we drive out." He followed her over to the dog cart. "That was very careless," she scold ed. "You must have hurt your wrist.' It s not my wrist that hurts; It s my feelings, he began. When he had ex plained his plight he added: "Bert was hoping, that you would be here to see me and you were, he ended miserably. 'Are you sorry that I was?" she demanded. Sorry? Not a bit of it. only a man feels such a fool." If you ever marry, what a lot or back Bcores there will be to be paid off." Yes. Ted waa telling me to beware of the benedicts. No girl would want to marry a man that will get the send- off that s in preparation for me." Sre could not care very mucn ror you if she could not stand a Uttie teas ing for your sake," she said softly. 'A little teasing." ne ecnoea. -wny. thev are liable to wreck the train to get square. How would you like " There s a DiacKsmitn snop just ahead." she said hurriedly to change the topic. "I guess he could cut that cuff." The blacksmith could and did. "That lets you out of a scrape," Grace said when they were under way agral. - Only to get Into a greater one, - ne declared. "I well, I've been trying for months to get up my courage to ask vou to marry me, dear, tl think you know that I love you. x know that you love me or you would have joked me about the scrape I was in. Do you think, dear, that you love me enough to say 'Yes?" I think 1 can brave even tne Bene dicts," she answered, shyly. (Copy righted, 1907, by Homer sprague.) A Smalt Boy's Interpretation. Little Paul was four years old when the western city in which he lived wa swept one night by a terrible storm. VVind, thunder, and lightning plaved havoc, and, while other members oC the family were huddled In dark cor ners, Paul watched the illumination of the sky with great delight. The next morning at breakfast he asked hi ratner what caused the streaks of fire across the sky, and his father, with great pains, essayed to explain. Paul iTrS "e""vely and apparently c !P?!fha.! was tola him- bu. '"hen --i S n,J attention diverted from him. I! V u 11ed over to his aunt who , sat beside him and whispered: It wasn't that, auntie. It was God scratching matches on the skv " Chicago Tribune. '' ) HUMOR OF THE DAY "You women,'' complained Mr. Knox h'ver41"cus':inK ,he faulis of your neighbors. If you'd only irosiiin h,,,,f tyTnV00" PintS U WUld "Perhaps," replied his wife, "but who'd and Tnr.etten ""-Catholic Standard Lady (hearing Scotchman grunt with disgust on passing advertisement boari) T see you aree with me that those vandals should not be allowed to sdoII h'ldeo,u03Vetlhynsenery b' PVttJnf hi-1." wnere al eastern poet scribbled sent 1?hil5 yl " his cuffs, and then hJne,m " editor." remarked the clinnic, loaf,r.r n the editorial sanctum. wim ft"2? "P""5 the editor of the JVild cat Beacon. 'Then I reckon we bet-ter- encourage poetry. I haven't had a pair of cuffs for a year." Chicago News. whX,t.1aord'Try thhl about '"at actor rteP "y ' e Part of the new'Paper re ha'JS' X noticed that he didn't always he.ahnotebook and a Penc" lr h's hand wht-n he came on the stage." It may be that he has met a reporter HeJaM. "te'-Chicago Reord- h.!'ur "ttle town Is booming." said Sub-.?X- ruily- M "Down in our business section I heard a couple of traveling salesmen talking about it very enthusias tically. theyeH?"Sa'd Sitiman; "what line were h r. ne ,was elng drugs and Press fneral supplies." Philadelphia "That politician seems willing to extend the olive branch to his ene mies." "Well," was the answer, "it looks like an olive branch to start with, but by the time he gets through trimming the leaves and twigs off It it turns out to be the ordinary big stick." Washington Star. "Charlie said he would die for me." "You don't mean Charlie Gossyp, the awful bore?" "Yes." "For goodness' sake let him die." Cleveland Plain-Dealer- "De poor en righteous man got treasure In heaven, but what a blessin' it would be ef he could only use It fer collateral in dis worl'S" Atlanta Con stitution. "Really," said Mrs. Oldcastle. en thusiastically, "it Is worth a trip to the park to see the wonderful display of rhododendrons." "Is it?" replied her hostess, as she straightened the $3,000 rug: "I kind of like to look at the great big clumsy beasts, too, but it always smells so around them animal houses." Chicago Record-Herald. ' - - GLOBE SIGHTS?" From the Atchison Globe. How patriotic a politician" is when he is out looking for a job. The only time some men are out of trouble Is when they are in Jail. To a boy, it always seems a man doesn't fully appreciate being "grown up-" There Is this much about the first quarrel: There are bound to be others. When a naturally cranky person gets Indigestion he imagines he is a cynic. i If there Is enough love in that kind of a letter, the orthography doesn't matter much. When a man habitually neglects his business, how quickly it is remarked in the community! Occasionally you hear a woman say she doesn't care what people say, but she never says it very loud. There are lots of ways of wasting time; feeling sorry for yourself brings about as little returns as any. A girl Is never so pretty she doesn't pretend she thinks you are flattering her when you tell her so. The average woman Imagines she has a good deal of taste when It comes to arranging flowers in a vase. Every amateur ball team has a star, who, according to his admirers, really oeiongs in tne major leagues. After a woman succeeds In getting her husband afraid of her she never can hope to get him in love with her. When a man hires a "safe family horse" it is a pretty good sign that he isn't going out in questionable com pany. Judging from what some parents expect of their children, they have never stopped to properly invoice themselves. Other excuses are pretty well ex hausted when a man attributes the error of his ways to hypnotic power exerted over him. A man may think he knows more than a doctor, but he is apt to listen when a lawyer tells him he needs a change of climate. When a man goes to church an4 hears a sermon which seems Intended expressly for him, he never enjoys It very much. Some people are such chronic grumblers that they would find fault with a stepmother who is popular with her step-children. The Globe lately called attention to the fact that there la in this town a pretty girl in spite of very pro nounced freckles. Today we discover ed a girl who is pretty In spite of freckles AND a big mouth. When the drink habit begins to fasten itself on a man, and people be gin to remark it, how does it affect the man? Does he know that people are talking about him, and that the talk injuries his credit and his business? Or does he think he "fools" people? No man ever succeeded In "fooling" people In this way. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR, From the New York Press. . A woman seems to think cold feet are an indictment of her social standing. A woman calls It putting on airs by somebody else when It's only new clothes. . What a woman likes about traveling In the fun she has crying when she starts. The only women who have more to bear than those who are married are those who are not. There's hardly any place where you can send a good dollar after a bad one the way you can In a lawsuit. 1