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.THE TOPgKA DAILY. STATE JOUPJf Air TUESDAY EVENING, JUNE 4, IS07.
TOPERA STATE JOURNAL By FRA.VK P. MAO UENTf AJf. rEntered July 1. 1S7S. a second-class matter at the postotTlce at Topeka. ian unger tne act or congress-j VOLUME XXXIV No. 134 Official Paper City of Topek TERMS OB SUBSCRIPTION. Dally edition, delivered by ?aJT'T ' 2 cent a week to any part of Topelca. or suburbs, or at the same price In any Kan sas towna where the paper baa a carrier ystem. mm By mail, one year . Z, By mail, three months .! 8ttuiil ii.n- r atlv one year.... .w tti tuotrnx'ira Bnstness office m Reporters' Room" Pil ail Reporters' Room i"2" 7XX Frank P. MacLennan Ina- X-CIUOJlllAi . Topeka State Journal building. WO a .t Kansas nveniM, corner of Eight". , New York office: atlron bulldimr. Twenty-third street, corner Fifth "J"" and Broadway. Paul uiock. "'"- pu. Chicago office: Hartford building, w "iocic manager. v- - f ttt T TTOTtT r Jr-l'r" " '" inrce OMr Him asjv r " " - The State Journal l a memuer A.soclated Press and receives x" iBmranp rr k vs. ..v - i thaf rrf t n ganlzatlon for the exclusive w-" p!imLc",. i- "JZi-A ir, Th. fStat Jonr- nl building over wires for this sols pur- rose. At last summer appearsto be in signt. TTrrri noise comes a rumor or a pun-i to kill Orchard. Coddling mom? June has a great opportunity before it now. If It will only live up to It. Perhaps Abe Hummel will be given a chance to testify In the uouia case . Tt ,.ld be remembered, however. that no one has a copyright on the Square Deal. Ztri .rTaVfaultln thf, Gould family Quarrel. a .-rhanae refers to old Bent Mur- dock "Victor Murdock's uncle." But old Bent has staved off the evil day a good while. Emporia will have both La Follette j t-, at its Chaute.UQ.ua. Km- poria seems b ut on getting some ad vanced Ideas. v.Fh.ii some of the financiers are in sisting that Roosevelt shall run again because tbey want to vote fcr the Dem ocratic candidate. Very likely some railroad magnates are wishing that Senator La Follette would not leave his Ideas lying loose; where T. R. can get hold of them. Xon't try to stop any bullets. It has been discovered that they carry disease germs. And If you insist on stopping themvsee that they are first bouea. ThP new name -adopted by the Square Teal organisation is the "Republican Direct Primary League," but it will be hard for it to break away from the TicrK-r. Atr. and Mrs.'Howard Gould be gin testifying against one another it wi t not be exactly like Ruef and Schmitx, for the latter were mixed up In wrong-doing together. Some of Harvard's friends would like to see Mr. Roosevelt become presl- . . i .t..41nn nffr 1909. but K he should take the job Harvard will it ne snouia v . . nf foot- nave to put up a & i ball In the future. There is one class In San Francisco that has not gone on a strike. It is the wives and mothers who get the meals and mend the clothes and keep the homes in order. When they go on a strike, conditions will be getting se rious. Mr. Fairbanks can doubtless get rnoRiderable exercise out of running 'for president. It is also a splendid game for him to get rid of some of his surplus cash. Inasmuch as he never plays poker or gambles on the wheat market. Incidentally this little controversy is doubtless making a good market for Nature Writer Long's books. Nobody ever heard of him before, and now ev ervbodv wants to judge for himself whether Dr. Long is really such a na- I ture prevaricator. Any number of the politicians who I rldiculed and fought the idea of secur- gustry of the home. There are excep lng the actual value of the railroads tions, of course; but exactly as the last winter, will doubtless forget all firfvt duty of the normal man Is th about their opposition now since President Roosevelt has declared for the Idea in no uncertain terms. The wholesale liquor houses along the eastern border have now moved over I Into Missouri but they continue to de liver their goods to their customers. Thit Is another class of business thw is hard for prohibition to touch. Tem perance Is the only remedy for It. Wall Street tries to make itself be lieve that the president's Indianapolis address was what it wanted, but there are parts of It that It would much pre fer to have blue penciled, and it cannot help snarling and growling a bers that it cannot control the man in the White House. v. Jn a speech at Lansing, Mich., Secre tary of Agriculture Wilson praised the work of the American larmers during the last quarter cf a century. Though he did not specify, he probably had In mind the Kansas farmers who raised big crops of Turkey hard wheat while he was experimenting with It up at Ames. Does the Mulvane end of the "Taft and Mulvane" clubs endorse the Idea that railroad attorneys should keep out of politics, and that when they wish to take a hand In influencing leg islation they shall be registered as lobbyists? Also does the Kansas "ma- chine" endorse the Idea of securing; the physical valuation of the railroads as an aid in fixing rates? - - - SOME ROOSEVELTTSMS. In his address at the fiftieth anni versary of the Michigan Agricultural college last week. President Roose velt displayed a knowledge of the problems of agricultural life iR keep ing with his activities along other lines. Among other things, he point ed out that a future problem to be worked out is how to make farm life more comfortable- and attractive to give the rural dweller those things which make city life agreeable. Some of them the farmer already has, to- gether with much that the city man ha3 not. Here are some of the extracts from the speech: We hear a great deal of the need of protecting our worklngmen from com petition, with pauper labor. I have very little fear of the competition of pauper labor. The nations with pau per labor are not the formidable in dustrial competitors of this country, n,.f Amlon arHnirmon has I - o- - - n. (a k a -- nnti rmn r rn nirn . .... . workinerman of the coun- . -" t l irifMi nr BTFJiieHL niu ti iti ciubicuj' By tne tariff and by our immigration I laws we can always nrotect ourselves I aalnst the competition of pauper Ia- I tnr her t home: but when we con- orotection. and we shall I -. Ami That- t i i t most f r r m i d a. b 1 e . - - ,tmj...vr.o -. there is tne most nigmy uevwuy business ability the most highly de- veloped industrial skill; and these are the qualities which we must ourselves develop. The calling of the skilled tiller of the soil, the calling of the skilled mechanic, should alike be recognized as profes sions. Just as emphatically as the call ings of lawyer, of doctor, of banker. merchant, or clerk. The printer, the h fL foundry man, should be trained just carefully as the stenographer or the drug clerk. They should be trained alike in head and in hand. They should get over the idea that to earn twelve dollars a week and call it "salary" Is better than to earn twenty-five dollars a week and call It "wages." There is but one person whose welfare is as Tital to the welfare of the whole country as is that of the wage-worker who does manual labor; and that Is the tiller of the soil the farmer. If there is one lesson taught by history it is that the permanent greatness of any state must ultimately depend more upon the character of its country population than upon anything else. In every great crisis of the past a peculiar dependence has had to be placed upon the farming population; and this dependence has hitherto been Justified. But it can not be justified In the future If agriculture is permitted to sink in the scale as compared with other employments. We can not afford to lose that preeminently typical American, the farmer who owns his own farm. Considered from the point of view of national efficiency, the problem of the farm is as much a problem of attractive ness as it is a problem of prosperity. It has ceased to be merely a problem of growing wheat and corn and cattle. The problem of production has not ceased to be fundamental, but It is no longer final; Just as learning to read and write and cipher are fundamental, but are no longer the flnal ends of education. We hope ultimately to double the average yield of wheat and corn per acre; it will be a great achievement; but it is even more important to double the de sirability, comfort and standing of the farmer's life. Book-learning is very important, but it Is by no means everything; and we shall never get the right idea of edu cation until we definitely understand that a man may be well trained in book-learning and yet, in the proper sense of the word, and. for all practi cal purposes, be utterly uneducated; while a man of comparatively little book-learning may, nevertheless. In es sentials, have a good education. Reform, like charity, while it should not end at home, should certainly begin there; and the man, whether he lives on a farm or in a town, who is anxious to see better social and economic condi tions prevail through the country at large,, should be exceedingly careful that they prevail first as regards his own womankind. I emphatically be- lleve that for the great majority of wo men the really indispensable industry m whlch they should engage is the in- duty of being the home maker, so the first duty of the normal woman is to be home keeper; and exactly as no other I learning is as important for the aver- aKe TOan as the learning which will teach him how to make his livelihood, so no other learning Is as Important for the average woman as the learning ! which will make her a good housewife and mother. But this does not mean I that she should be an overworked drudge. Tou young men and women of the agricultural and industrial colleges and schools and, for that matter, you who go to any college or school must have some time for light reading; and there is some light reading quite as useful as heavy reading, provided of course that you do not read in a spirit of mere vacuity. You will learn the root prin ciples of self help and helpfulness tow ard other from "Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch," Just as much as from any formal treatise on charity; you will learn, as much sound social and In dustrial doctrine from Octave Thanet's stories of farmers and wageworkers as from avowed sociological and economic studies.; and I cordially recommend the first chapter of "Aunt Jane of Ken tucky" for. use as a tract in all fami lies where the men folks tend to sel fish or thoughtless or overbearing dis regard of the rights of their women- kind. I have not the slightest sympathy with those hysterical and foolish crea tures who wish women " to attain " to easy lives by shirking their duties. I have as hearty a contempt for the wo man who shirks her -duty of bearing and rearing the children, of doing her full housewife's work, as I have for the man who Is an idler, who shirk his duty of earning a living for himself ana for his household, or who is selfish or brutal toward his wife and chil dren. The school is an invaluable adjunct to the home, but it is a wretched sub stitute for it. The family relation is the most fundamental, the most lm portant of all relations. No leader in church or state, in science or art or Industry, however great his achieve ment, does work which compares in Importance with that of the father and the mother, "who are the first of Bov ereigns and the most divine of priests." We trust it is not too late to observe that Heney has sat on the Ruef as well as on the lid at San Francisco. ' June has done a mighty good job of it tnus lar. Thanks, June. Little has been said about Mr. and Mrs. May Jrwin settling down and go ing to housekeeping. Isn't Mr. Irwin overlooking something in the way of press notices r San Francisco isn't the only town that has strikes to burn: Look at Wichita. There's a town that makes safe hits right along. Another good thing about the presi dent's speech is that Wall street did not especially like it. JAYHAWKER JOTS The revival meetings at Beloit re sulted In -500 conversions. The G. A. R. at Erie unveiled a handsome monument erected in honor of the soldier dead on Memorial Day. It cost $1,000. , Mr, H. N. Fruit was fined In police court at Independence recently arid the Star very appropriately heads the item, "Canned Fruit." Two fox terriers owned by an Atch ison man turned into poultry terriers, and 30 turkeys and 28 chickens were killed by them. The dogs also died by request. Henry Samuelson, a liveryman of Ellis, is now using an automobile for driving traveling men from Ellis to surrounding towns. Autos are coming more and more into use on the west em prairies. Arter witnessing the frantic en deavors of a Missouri Pacific section boss to get some work out of a bunch of Greek laborers, Henry Allen doubts if Alexander the Great ever got enough credit for what he accom plished. Two Salina achool teachers got up a phonetic reading chart to supple ment the readers. It worked so well that they have now specialized it for use in connection with the readers that have Just been adopted, and it has been approved, by the state text book commission for use in Kansas schools. Atchison Globe: The town people and the farmers are getting closer to gether. It is proposed that next Sat urday every auto owner In town de vote two hours to taking farmers and their wives riding. Some of the autos will hold six people In addition to the driver. Why isn't it a good Idea? Six auto owners have agreed to the pro position, and no doubt others will Will the farmers ride? Details of the affair will be arranged later. A. Croaker in the Holton Recorder I have noticed that when a man who spends more than he can afford on cigars and other nurtrul luxuries, takes a notion to economize he usual ly commences by cutting his church and charity subscriptions down, and if he concludes to extend his economic efforts further, lectures his wife on her expensive habits in the kitchen. The cemetery is the only place in this neighborhood where nothing bad is said about anybody. . . . There is a large amount of humbug about business men taking a vacation. I have taken several my self and always found I had to rest up a week or two after I got home before I was fit for business. The nearest I ever came to nervous prostration was when I was on a vacation "resting up." POINTED PARAGRAPHS. I From the Chicago News. It's easier to acquire a poor wife than a good cook. Men with wooden legs naturally have a lumbering gait. No, Alonzo, a literary club isn't necessarily a big stick. If women have no one else to tell a secret to they telephone. Anyway, the pace that kills always gets in its work on the right people. It doesn't take long for a coming man to get into the has been class. It's up to every man to get a hurry on himself when he is homeward bound. Take a day oft occasionally and let the rest of the crowd do the worrying. When compared with the patience of a mother all other brands of pa tience are counterfeit. Our idea of real genius Is a man who can keep right on making his wife believe that he loves her when he knows he doesn't. QCAKKK ItErXECTIOXS. From the Philadelphia Record. Rubber hose any girl's stockings on a rainy day. The smaller the .bribe the greater seems to be the disgrace. With all Its pufffhg and blowing the locomotive has to take water. The chronic borrower evidently thinks it doesn't pay to pay. Every successful man thinks his own brand of success the only one. Any man can make a fool of him self, but if he has a woman's help it's easier. Some women don't.- have to exert themselves very much to put on a. bold face. If all the engagements resulted in broken hearts the world, would about go to smash. Nell "The man in the moon - is looking right at us." Belle "Gracious! Is my hat on straight?" Wigg "Harduppe says it Isn't good form to wear jewelry with" a dress suit." Wagg "Well, Harduppe never has his Jewelry and . his dress suit at the same time. - j JOURNAL ENTRIES KANSAS COMMENT TAFT FOR REVISION. Secretary Taft is flying the tariff re- Blgnal- and the chances are that it will prove the battle flag of the com ing campaign. The only trouble is th.it ..L9. llke'y to be more of an issue within the party than it Is outside. The rank and file of the tariff revision party is made up almost as much of Repub licans as it is of Democrats, more so in fact if you fake tariff revision to mean revision, and not free trade. The people as a rule want it, but the lead f lhe Republican party are against Prom a purely political standpoint the talk of revision is perhaps bad at this time. Many -of the schedules as they now stand are iniquitous. They have contributed largely to building up the' prosperity of the country, but the necessity for them has passed away. Still manufacturers all over the country are keenly in favor of them because they enable the manufacturer to main tain high prices, and if he has any sur plus of which he has had very little so far, he can sell abroad at reduced prices. Thus for the people at large, revision would be a blessing. But the enemies of revision say. and with a certain amount of truth, that the crest of the prosperity wave has been reach ed or it has not passed. The attacks on the railroads and other corporate interests have made capital timid, and if you prepare now for revision on the eve of the election.' you will have the manufacturers laying off men and cur tailing expenses. Importers naturally will hold oft buying in the hope of cneaper prices, the railroads will be re stricted in freight traffic, and you will invite hard times with a vengeance. It Is a nice problem to solve. Perhaps a dose of hard times Is necessary as a prelude to better times in the future, Parsons Sun. A GOOD EXCUSE. Now, if Dr. Long had been writing flsh stories, there would have been much more excuse for the president nominating him for the Ananias club. Parsons Sun. o WOMAN'S RIGHTS. A Kansas City woman awoke a few nights ago and found a burglar search ing the pockets of her husband's trous ers. Naturally she entered a protest, as a result of which the burglar was captured and placed In jail. A married woman has certain self-assumed rights which she will not see others infringe upon without raising an objection. Wichita Beacon. WINNERS AND MAKERS. According to the census report more than half the women In the United States are "bread winners." It would be mighty encouraging if the other half were good bread makers. Salina Journal. FROM OTHER PENS THE GAIN. FROM THE FAIR. The impetus given St. Louis by the fair has been maintained by the pros perous growth of all the regions of which it is the trade center. Instead of the reaction : which followed the Centennial fair in Philadelphia and the Columbian fair in Chicago, buoy ancy unknown in Its previous history has characterised -every - day in St. Louis during the rwo years and . five months since .Wie TJk'orld'si fair closed. si. louis nepuDiican. THE STORK IN THE WEST. The west, the south and the south west are content tb let Dr. Cronin and Dr. Roosevelt fight out their polemic battle in their own way. Their tour nament ground is in the states of the northeast seaboard, where the birth rate in native American families has sunk below the death fate, as Dr. Roosevelt's informs us. : Out this way the stork flies high and frequently and a chimney has to be kept smoke less for him In every home. St. Louis Republic. . MEMORIAL DAY. One need but remember that this is the fortieth observance of commemora tlon day to realize the pathos of the re curring anniversary, with the dwindling ranks of veterans in the parade and the growing infirmity of the survivors. They are fast passing away. New York Her ald. PERHAPS HE HAS A PASS. Though the railroads may not be able to make money carrying passen gers for two cents a mile, George Gould has not been obliged to give up his European trip. Chicago News. PROSPERITY IN '92 AND '08. Prosperity, however, is not always a guarantee of victory in campaigns for the party in power. This country had never been more-prosperous than It was in 1892. Wages were higher than they had ever before been. But that year was marked in our political an nals by a tidal wave of Democratic triumph. What has been, may be ain. Washington Post. HE'S A "BIRD." President Roosevelt is a rooster in war, a dove in peace and a singing ca nary in the hearts of his countrymen. St. Louis Globe-Democrat. IRRESISTIBLE BARGAINS. The world is full of people that can not resist purchasing a thing that is cheap, or rather, low-priced, although they do not need It. The Academy. o WITH CHANGING SEASONS." "In the summer the coal man be comes the ice man," remarks an ex change, "but what of the plumber?" Why, he becomes a banker, of course. Washington Post. A LONG TIME. INDEED. The fact that the governor of North Carolina and the governor of South Carolina are both teetotallers merely emphasizes that traditional remark. Chicago Tribune. SPRING. Notice the girls' costumes on the street? They're doing their best to convince spring that she Is in style now. Philadelphia Inquirer. SOCIETY NOTE. Opinion aopears to be divided be tween censure of the publicity given the Corey wedding and the secrecy at tending the Mizner divorce. Boston Advertiser. REPUBLICAN BLACK HANDERS. Gov. Hughes Is. experiencing some trouble in his own state with the black Republican hand. Baltimore Sun. METEOROLOGICAL NOTE. " The last two winters of 1907, are all right, but twice is enough. Minne apolis Journal. WILLING TO WAIT. When we nominate a southern man for the presidency we want it done with a chance of electing him. Bir mingham Ala.) Ledger. IP PA WAS KING OP SPAIN. We've got a bran' new baby, too, An pa he has to keep Awake at. night until the new One wants to go to sleep. It cries, it does! It yells an' screams With all its might an' main. An pa says he'd have pleasant dreams If he was King of Spain. If he was King of Spain, pa says. He'd sit uon his throne, An' folks would tremble in his gaze An' leave him all alone. An' he'd have ministers to come An' play games for the kid. An' soldiers to play on the drum An' shake up old Madrid. Why, pa, says kings don't have to rise At 1 o'clock a. m., Although the head uneasy lies In crown or diadem But kings Just hang their crowns some where An' tumble off to sleep, ,i Their royal garments on a chair Or piled up in a heap. An' pa says kings don't have to chase To drug stores in the night To get some paregoric quick To set the baby right They Just wake up a duke or earl An' make them rock the crib Or twist the baby's hair in curl Or tuck its little bib. . An' every night while my pa walks Ail ud an' down the floor- He talks an' talks an talks an talks, An" says it makes him sore Because the common people must Hope on an' hope in vain He'd give a lot, he mutters, just To be the King of Spain. Chicago Post. A Fairy Tale of Finance. None of the five organizers of the Wireless Telegraph company of America was rich, and so they set about to find a man with capital. Firth found the man. This was Abraham White, a young man who had come to New York from Texas a few years before, and had risen to fame over night by cleaning up $100,000 on an investment of- forty-rfour cents. From the day he first set foot in New York. White's one ambition was to make a fortune. He had the money making instinct. In his first years in New York he . speculated in real estate. When the Cleveland popular bond isjue was made, in 1896, to replenish the treasury gold reserve. White, who had lost in the panic years of 1893 and 1894 most the money he had made in real estate, conceived the bold scheme of bidding for a big block of bonds, on the chance that they would sell at a premium as soon as the awards were made. The gov ernment's call for bids did not ask for any money with the bids. White made several bids, amounting in all to $7,000,000, and sent them on to Wash ington bv registered mail. His total outlay was forty-four cents. When the allotments were made, $1,500,000 bonds were set down to Abraham White, New York. The bonds were im mediately quoted at a premium in open market, and young White scur ried around to find the money to pay the government for his bonds. He went to Russell Sage, who was always ready to put his money into a sure thing, and had no trouble in getting th money lender to finance his bid. Sage paid the government for the bonds, resold them in the market and turned over to AVhite $100,000 profit. Ever since then White has thought in millions, and has been a gambler for big stakes. Frank Fayant In Success Magazine. Too-Literal Butler. A few days ago one of Philadel phia's prominent society "women told her butler to tell all visitors that she was not at home. At night, when enumerating the persons who had called during the day. he mentioned the lady's sister, when his mistress ex claimed: "I toid you, man. that I wee always at home for my sister! You ought to have shown her in." Next day the lady went out to make a few call's, and during her absence , her sister came to the .house. i "Is your mistress at home?" she asked the butler. "Yes. madam," was the reply. The lady went upstairs and looked everywhere for her sister. On coming downstairs she said to the butler: My sister must have gone out, for I can not find her. "Yes. madam, she has gone out; but she told me last night that she was al ways at home to you. Philadelphia Record. Forgetting Sometiiing. When the train that conveyed Presi dent Roosevelt through Virginia on his last trip south stopped at Charlottes ville, a negro approached the presi dent's car and passed aboard a big basketful of fine fruit, to which was attached the card of a prominent grower. In course of time the orchardist re ceived a letter of acknowledgment from the White House expressing the president's appreciation of the gift, and complimenting the donor upon his fruit. The recipient of the letter was, of course, greatly pleased, and, feeling sure that his head gardener would be much Interested in the letter, he read It to him. The darky who served in the capacity mentioned listened grave ly, but his only comment wa's: He doan say nutnin aDout senam back de basket, do he?" Success Magazine. It Is Said: Flour will put out burning oil. Acrobats and Jugglers never smoke, The emperor of Japan has 30 resi dence.. The autograph of Columbus is worth. S4.P00. The Belgians as potato eaters far outstrip the Irish. The railway fares or Hungary aver age but a third of a cent a mile. One man in live and one woman in thirty, are slightly color-blind. In the city i,ooo mlcrooes are In haled hourly: in the country only 1.500. - The record cash payment for a nov el Is the $200,000 that Daudet got for "Sapho" In 1S84. The choir of the Mormon Temple at Salt Lake City numbers 350 voices. It is the largest choir in the world. Tho Early Bird. Bishop Brewster, of Connecticut, is noted for his funny stories, and his latest Is said to be about an old repro bate who decided to repent, and an nounced to every one that whatever wrong he had done should be made right. So a man whom he had cheat ed out of a large sum of money went around at midnight to demand it. "But what did you come at this hour for. and wake me up? Why not wait till tomorrow? said the old sin ner, croeslly. "I came now.", replied the man, "to avoid the rush." Harper's Weekly. Sorry She Spoke. Miss Miny Somers: By the by, you are not the boy I have always had be fore? Caddie: No'm. you see we tossed to see who'd caddie for you. Miss Miny Somers awfully pleased:) Oh! tut, tut, you bad boys and you won? Caddie: No; I lorst! The Ta tier. TNE EVENING STORY A MaiI and a Method. (By Alexander Bunn.) ' He finally ' managed to get his cigar to working satisfactorily, and stretched uimsen comrortabiy on the grass. She leaned back against the tree trunk and watched a squirrel on a neighbor ing orancn. Harrington noticed that she seemed to have entirely forgotten his presence, unless there was merely a comfortable consciousness of the fact that he was there if she needed him the knowledge mat sne nad nothing to fear from a chance tramp or snake. It was rather an unusual thing for a wuman to oe lorgetrul of Harrington. He could not decide whether the situa tion interested him or piqued his vanity. "When you have satisfactorily exam. ined the trees, the squirrel, the water railing over those stones, and have formed your opinion concerning the en trancing horizon," he said in a slightly injured tone, "wouldn't you like to talk to me some r She took off her hat and laid It on the grass beside her with a sigh of satlsfac tion. "None of these things are more inter esting to me, Diogenes,, than the study or you, i assure you. "Sometimes I almost conclude that I positively dislike you." he said amiablv. taking long puffs at his cigar. "I never cared much for women but in this case there is a stronger element. I believe it almost approaches dislike." She wriggled her blond head into a more comfortable pose against the tree trunk and beamed upon him as If he had said something truly gratifying, "It's an achievement, Diogenes, to have inspired you with a strong feeling oi any description I'm proud of my self." "You have such a confounded way of pouncing upon a fellow's thoughts and holding them up to ridicule you can analyze a man as easily as a chemist can analyze a patent medlcinei Didn't you know, Miss Burton, that women ought to make themselves er attrac tive it's uncanny for them to go in for psychology, analysis, and er vivisec tion." "Attractive? Oh, Diogenes you are woefully lacking manners I was tak ing solid comfort and content in the belief that the powers that be had made me attractive and was amus ing myself with your so-called vivi section merely as a side issue. I see my dear philosopher, that you are not fitted for the gentle Ways of polite so ciety if it didn't sound slangy, I'd say 'Back to your tub.' It- was a tub that Diogenes enjoyed so thoroughly, wasn t it He was,' by degrees, working him self into an exceedingly bad temper. -jjiiss .tsurion, aid you know that blond women had always enjoyed the reputation of being fools more or less?" he asked, scathingly. "All of which leads to " she In terrogated with elaborate Innocence. "The fact that It's time you decided whether you are going to marrv that Idiot Darrell or me. We've both been dangling around" you the whole sum mer." "Your climaxes are strong." she smiled, admiringly, "that idiot Darrell or you don't you recognize a cer tain similarity to Pope in the way you construct your sentences?" 'It's impossible to make a cHmnx after-Darrell," he snorted. "It would be an impossibility to find a, , bigger idiot to name after him." - "Everythlng, my dear man. depends upon the point of view," she pinned on her hat and turned toward the path leading to the hotel. That afternoon Harrington lav half asleep his new magazine over his face. in tne snaae or the bushes that grew back of the summer house. Virginia, you are actinar shamsful. ly." he heard Darrell's voice. so ne caned her Virginia MA Tn And she allowed it! Virginia evidently enjoyed the Idea of acting shamefully, for he heard a little ripple of merriment. "But you know. Jack, he really does need some of the conceit taken out of him women have spoiled him so." "I think you have tormented him enough," Darrell insisted, "and you nave camea on witn me outrageous ly. I feel party to a fraud. You can't Keep it up mucn longer. for whn Eleanor comes next week he will soon find out that I've been engaged to your cisici an niuiiR. w n y not put him out of his misery? You know you like 111X11. Of course I do and I'm going to marry him but he needs a little train ing nrst. ' Darrell rose and started toward the house. "I'm going to finish my 'ettf-r to itiieanor, " ne said. "I'll leave vou nere to nnish your book. Shall I ti-11 Eleanor that we'll make It a double weauing in XNOvemDer? " Virginia evidently took time to tn'-dl tate. "I think he'll make an awfully hand some bridegroom." she said, softly Darrell laughed delightfully. jt irL time i ever saw you with a real attack. Virginia. I don't to save my soui, now He's railed to find out mat you care. But as for hand some bridegrooms I'll have you re memDer that I'll be there mvself ." and ne wancea aown tne path whistling. Harrington sat up, let his magazine fall unnoticed to the ground and brush ed his coat carefully. His gray eyes were twinkling as he crepi into tne summer house. He caught the startled girl in his arms. "A man has a perfect right to kiss me gin ne s going to marry in uovemDer i m so glad you acknow ledge that I'll look picturesque at tha weaaing. Virginia's face tried to adjust itself to an indignant expression. "You wretch! you heard what I said!" she gasped. Harrington held her fast and lifted her faee until her eyes looked into his. "Just so exactly so and nothing has ever added so much to my conceit, Vir ginia mine." (Copyrighted, 1907, by aiary MCtteon.j An Unpardonable Sin. An old negro preacher of southern Georgia had been given fine, fat 'possum by some of his admirers, and was keeping it in a barrel, feeding it heavily to still further Increase its weight. He had decided to have it killed the next day, when, to his rage, it was stolen in 'the night. Shortly afterward a revival meeting was being held, and among tnose who went un to the mourners' bench was a certain very black Jim, and his grief seemed inconsolable. "Dat's all right, mah brudder!" the old man shouted. "Don' matter whut yo' done, the good Lawd gwlne ferglb you!" "But Ah's been powerful mean," Jim declared, weeping. "Is yo' stole chickens?" the old man demanded. . "O, wuss dan dat!" "Good Lawd! He'p dls po' nigger!" the old preacher entreated. "Is yo used a razor?" "Wuss dan dat!" "Is yo' yo' ain't done killed no body?" "Wuss dan dat!" "Den hyah whar we tangle!" the old, man shouted, throwing aside his coat De good Lawd kin forgive yo' of H wntf er, but Ah's gwine skin yo auve! Yo s de varmint dat stole mah possum!" New York Herald. hVMOR OF THE DAY ifCMUY t'0 concierge)-Can you tell me 11 i. -X- is at home? ceteryT-0' Blr; he'' one to the -NoLof-hi18 h8S "e t0 8tP e'ir Willie Newrich Alas! It is true that my father raises hogs -iihJJLF'k 8Uaut-I"deed! And how many children has he ? Philadelphia, Record. "Bragley's wife brought him quite a nice figure, didn t she?" "Yes, so round and symmetrical." aoJ dont mean that mean her "Thafa what I mean. It was O " Washington Herald. Mr. Brown made his little boy a pres ent of two bantam hens and other fowl. The eggs of the bantam were so small compared with the others that Tommy hit upon a bright idea. ' He hung an ostrich egg inside the fowl, house and to it was attached a card bear ing the words: , "Keep your eye on this and. do your best." Smiles. - "I sent 10 cents for that sure way to beat the races." "Wot d'yer git back?" "A nice, neat carl with "Keep away from the track,' printed on it." Puck. Sillicus When would you say that a man reaches the age of discretion? Cynlcus When he realizes that he is too old to marry. Philadelphia Record. Goodlelgh Yes, he's treated you In a most outrageous way, but you must heap coals of fire on his head. Smart lelifh What, with coal at 7 per? Not mucbee I don't. Wall Street Bulls and Bears. "How do you tell mushrooms from toadstools?" "By the obituary notices in the papers next day." Cleveland Plain Dealer. "Is Tompkins' wife intellectual?" "Is she? That woman knows all about a railroad time table." Milwaukee Sen tinel. "It isn't hard to Tlnrirtflnri whv mr.m jokes tickle," sooke up Uncle Allen Sparks. "It's because of their whlkr ' New York Mail. Father (sternly) Young man, can you support a family? Young Man (startled) Why er I only wanted your daughter. Philadelphia In quirer. Teacher What is that tetter? Pupil I don't know. Teacher What is it that makes honey? Small Boy (son of n mnnfflptureri Glucose. New York Weekly. He So they are engaged, eh? Have they any taste in common? She Oh. yes. They chew the same kind of gum. Brooklyn Eagle. Mrs. Justwed (at breakfast) What a very little egg you've got. Isn't it cute? Mr. Justwed (after breakfast) Cute! My dear. I should say It was "chic." Bismarck (S. D.) Tribune. Mrs. Jawback We've got to get rid of that parrot. . Mr. Jawback What's the matter with it? , Mrs. Jawback It talks all the time. - Mr. Jawback Honest, von'r th moct jealous woman 1 ever saw. Cleveland Leader. Knicker Does Jones d:et? Bocker Yes. his doctor onlv allnir. him to ear things he can pronounce on a French bill of fare. New York Sim. GLOBE SIGHTS. From the Atchison Globe.. A political debate is onlv twice as tiresome as a political speech. Some people are so polite you never know when they are telling the truth. About the only effort some people make in the way of conversation is to ask questions. A poor man hasn't a great deal of business with lawyers, but some of them have had. A woman accompanied bv two men looks more popular than a man escort ing two women. How idle and shiftless a town man Is in the country! Same way with the country man in town. If people could talk themselves blind, what a lot of women would have to be led around. After a girl gets married, the only time she is serenaded is when her husband is elected to office. If you think you are right, go ahead, if you want to. but don't expect every one to go with you. The average girl who works down town doesn't consider it wrong to lie about the salary she is getting. A town may not grow very fast, but there Is always about the same amount of work for the evangelist. Even the women themselves must admit that a man's fight always looks more dignified than a woman's fight. The crowd around the free lunch always seems more enthusiastic than the one that frequents the free library- When a person enjoys "roasting" others, he has a good deal to say about the Insincerity of those Who try to be agreeable. Talk about energy: has anvone any more than the' woman who works tha beefsteak pounder that awakens you In the morning? When a man begins to look around for a new school of healing, his case Is either hopeless, or he is amusing himself being an invalid. When a doctor isn't very -well known, women say of him: "I won der how he makes a living. I never knew anyone to have him." When boys are playing ball, and one of them falls to make a catch, he la sure to shout at the boy who threw the ball: "Can't you get it up?" Mrs. Lvsander John Applton went A- . T .4 1 what tm 3,.. her from a friend who visAed her a month last summer. She will remain ill fr .1 Luun, , v v. v v. . ..... . n uuo four weeks. Gambling in a small town where the gilded palace is under the ban, is al ways a revelation in me amount ok discomfort a man will endure for a chance to lose his money. A boy can unearth a number of dif ferent kinds of dangerous adventures in a short time and with limited op portunity, but he is never so versatile in this respect as his mother's imagin ation. . REFLECTIONS OF A BACHEIiOR. From tlje New York Press. 1 A man gets terrible lonesome beinar honest. It takes a long time to get over the things you thought you learned at col lege. The reason most young people fall in love Is they see everybody else do ing it. A woman's Idea of a fine complex- Ion Is when It's so natural peonle think ahe makes up. The reason a woman like a bar-rain sale so much Is all the shopping she can ao witnoui Deing aDie to get near enough to. buy anything.