.THE TOPgKA DAILY. STATE JOUPJf Air TUESDAY EVENING, JUNE 4, IS07.
TOPERA STATE JOURNAL
By FRA.VK P. MAO UENTf AJf.
rEntered July 1. 1S7S. a second-class
matter at the postotTlce at Topeka. ian
unger tne act or congress-j
VOLUME XXXIV No. 134
Official Paper City of Topek
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v- - f ttt T TTOTtT
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The State Journal l a memuer
A.soclated Press and receives x"
iBmranp rr k vs. ..v -
i thaf rrf t n
ganlzatlon for the exclusive w-"
p!imLc",. i- "JZi-A ir, Th. fStat Jonr-
nl building over wires for this sols pur-
At last summer appearsto be in signt.
TTrrri noise comes a rumor or a pun-i
to kill Orchard.
June has a great opportunity before
it now. If It will only live up to It.
Perhaps Abe Hummel will be given a
chance to testify In the uouia case .
Tt ,.ld be remembered, however.
that no one has a copyright on the
Ztri .rTaVfaultln thf,
Gould family Quarrel.
a .-rhanae refers to old Bent Mur-
dock "Victor Murdock's uncle." But
old Bent has staved off the evil day a
Emporia will have both La Follette
j t-, at its Chaute.UQ.ua. Km-
poria seems b ut on getting some ad
v.Fh.ii some of the financiers are in
sisting that Roosevelt shall run again
because tbey want to vote fcr the Dem
Very likely some railroad magnates
are wishing that Senator La Follette
would not leave his Ideas lying loose;
where T. R. can get hold of them.
Xon't try to stop any bullets. It has
been discovered that they carry disease
germs. And If you insist on stopping
themvsee that they are first bouea.
ThP new name -adopted by the Square
Teal organisation is the "Republican
Direct Primary League," but it will be
hard for it to break away from the
TicrK-r. Atr. and Mrs.'Howard Gould be
gin testifying against one another it
wi t not be exactly like Ruef and
Schmitx, for the latter were mixed up
In wrong-doing together.
Some of Harvard's friends would
like to see Mr. Roosevelt become presl-
. . i .t..41nn nffr 1909. but
K he should take the job Harvard will
it ne snouia v . . nf foot-
nave to put up a & i
ball In the future.
There is one class In San Francisco
that has not gone on a strike. It is the
wives and mothers who get the meals
and mend the clothes and keep the
homes in order. When they go on a
strike, conditions will be getting se
Mr. Fairbanks can doubtless get
rnoRiderable exercise out of running
'for president. It is also a splendid
game for him to get rid of some of his
surplus cash. Inasmuch as he never
plays poker or gambles on the wheat
Incidentally this little controversy is
doubtless making a good market for
Nature Writer Long's books. Nobody
ever heard of him before, and now ev
ervbodv wants to judge for himself
whether Dr. Long is really such a na- I
Any number of the politicians who I
rldiculed and fought the idea of secur- gustry of the home. There are excep
lng the actual value of the railroads tions, of course; but exactly as the
last winter, will doubtless forget all firfvt duty of the normal man Is th
about their opposition now since
President Roosevelt has declared for
the Idea in no uncertain terms.
The wholesale liquor houses along the
eastern border have now moved over I
Into Missouri but they continue to de
liver their goods to their customers.
Thit Is another class of business thw
is hard for prohibition to touch. Tem
perance Is the only remedy for It.
Wall Street tries to make itself be
lieve that the president's Indianapolis
address was what it wanted, but there
are parts of It that It would much pre
fer to have blue penciled, and it cannot
help snarling and growling a
bers that it cannot control the man in
the White House.
Jn a speech at Lansing, Mich., Secre
tary of Agriculture Wilson praised the
work of the American larmers during
the last quarter cf a century. Though
he did not specify, he probably had In
mind the Kansas farmers who raised
big crops of Turkey hard wheat while
he was experimenting with It up at
Does the Mulvane end of the "Taft
and Mulvane" clubs endorse the Idea
that railroad attorneys should keep
out of politics, and that when they
wish to take a hand In influencing leg
islation they shall be registered as
lobbyists? Also does the Kansas "ma-
chine" endorse the Idea of securing; the
physical valuation of the railroads as
an aid in fixing rates?
- - - SOME ROOSEVELTTSMS.
In his address at the fiftieth anni
versary of the Michigan Agricultural
college last week. President Roose
velt displayed a knowledge of the
problems of agricultural life iR keep
ing with his activities along other
lines. Among other things, he point
ed out that a future problem to be
worked out is how to make farm life
more comfortable- and attractive to
give the rural dweller those things
which make city life agreeable. Some
of them the farmer already has, to-
gether with much that the city man
Here are some of the extracts from
We hear a great deal of the need of
protecting our worklngmen from com
petition, with pauper labor. I have
very little fear of the competition of
pauper labor. The nations with pau
per labor are not the formidable in
dustrial competitors of this country,
n,.f Amlon arHnirmon has
I - o- - -
n. (a k a -- nnti rmn r rn nirn
. .... . workinerman of the coun-
. -" t
l irifMi nr BTFJiieHL niu ti iti ciubicuj'
By tne tariff and by our immigration
I laws we can always nrotect ourselves
I aalnst the competition of pauper Ia-
I tnr her t home: but when we con-
orotection. and we shall
I -. Ami That- t i i t most f r r m i d a. b 1 e
. - -
there is tne most nigmy uevwuy
business ability the most highly de-
veloped industrial skill; and these are
the qualities which we must ourselves
The calling of the skilled tiller of the
soil, the calling of the skilled mechanic,
should alike be recognized as profes
sions. Just as emphatically as the call
ings of lawyer, of doctor, of banker.
merchant, or clerk. The printer, the
foundry man, should be trained just
carefully as the stenographer or the
drug clerk. They should be trained
alike in head and in hand. They should
get over the idea that to earn twelve
dollars a week and call it "salary" Is
better than to earn twenty-five dollars
a week and call It "wages."
There is but one person whose welfare
is as Tital to the welfare of the whole
country as is that of the wage-worker
who does manual labor; and that Is the
tiller of the soil the farmer. If there
is one lesson taught by history it is
that the permanent greatness of any
state must ultimately depend more upon
the character of its country population
than upon anything else.
In every great crisis of the past a
peculiar dependence has had to be
placed upon the farming population;
and this dependence has hitherto been
Justified. But it can not be justified In
the future If agriculture is permitted to
sink in the scale as compared with other
employments. We can not afford to
lose that preeminently typical American,
the farmer who owns his own farm.
Considered from the point of view of
national efficiency, the problem of the
farm is as much a problem of attractive
ness as it is a problem of prosperity.
It has ceased to be merely a problem of
growing wheat and corn and cattle. The
problem of production has not ceased to
be fundamental, but It is no longer final;
Just as learning to read and write and
cipher are fundamental, but are no
longer the flnal ends of education. We
hope ultimately to double the average
yield of wheat and corn per acre; it
will be a great achievement; but it is
even more important to double the de
sirability, comfort and standing of the
Book-learning is very important, but
it Is by no means everything; and we
shall never get the right idea of edu
cation until we definitely understand
that a man may be well trained in
book-learning and yet, in the proper
sense of the word, and. for all practi
cal purposes, be utterly uneducated;
while a man of comparatively little
book-learning may, nevertheless. In es
sentials, have a good education.
Reform, like charity, while it should
not end at home, should certainly begin
there; and the man, whether he lives
on a farm or in a town, who is anxious
to see better social and economic condi
tions prevail through the country at
large,, should be exceedingly careful
that they prevail first as regards his
I emphatically be-
lleve that for the great majority of wo
men the really indispensable industry
m whlch they should engage is the in-
duty of being the home maker, so the
first duty of the normal woman is to be
home keeper; and exactly as no other
I learning is as important for the aver-
aKe TOan as the learning which will
teach him how to make his livelihood,
so no other learning Is as Important for
the average woman as the learning
! which will make her a good housewife
and mother. But this does not mean
I that she should be an overworked
Tou young men and women of the
agricultural and industrial colleges and
schools and, for that matter, you who
go to any college or school must have
some time for light reading; and there
is some light reading quite as useful as
heavy reading, provided of course that
you do not read in a spirit of mere
vacuity. You will learn the root prin
ciples of self help and helpfulness tow
ard other from "Mrs. Wiggs of the
Cabbage Patch," Just as much as from
any formal treatise on charity; you
will learn, as much sound social and In
dustrial doctrine from Octave Thanet's
stories of farmers and wageworkers as
from avowed sociological and economic
studies.; and I cordially recommend the
first chapter of "Aunt Jane of Ken
tucky" for. use as a tract in all fami
lies where the men folks tend to sel
fish or thoughtless or overbearing dis
regard of the rights of their women-
I have not the slightest sympathy
with those hysterical and foolish crea
tures who wish women " to attain " to
easy lives by shirking their duties. I
have as hearty a contempt for the wo
man who shirks her -duty of bearing
and rearing the children, of doing her
full housewife's work, as I have for the
man who Is an idler, who shirk his
duty of earning a living for himself
ana for his household, or who is selfish
or brutal toward his wife and chil
The school is an invaluable adjunct
to the home, but it is a wretched sub
stitute for it. The family relation is
the most fundamental, the most lm
portant of all relations. No leader in
church or state, in science or art or
Industry, however great his achieve
ment, does work which compares in
Importance with that of the father and
the mother, "who are the first of Bov
ereigns and the most divine of priests."
We trust it is not too late to observe
that Heney has sat on the Ruef as well
as on the lid at San Francisco.
June has done a mighty good job of
it tnus lar. Thanks, June.
Little has been said about Mr. and
Mrs. May Jrwin settling down and go
ing to housekeeping. Isn't Mr. Irwin
overlooking something in the way of
press notices r
San Francisco isn't the only town
that has strikes to burn: Look at
Wichita. There's a town that makes
safe hits right along.
Another good thing about the presi
dent's speech is that Wall street did
not especially like it.
The revival meetings at Beloit re
sulted In -500 conversions.
The G. A. R. at Erie unveiled a
handsome monument erected in honor
of the soldier dead on Memorial Day.
It cost $1,000. ,
Mr, H. N. Fruit was fined In police
court at Independence recently arid
the Star very appropriately heads the
item, "Canned Fruit."
Two fox terriers owned by an Atch
ison man turned into poultry terriers,
and 30 turkeys and 28 chickens were
killed by them. The dogs also died
Henry Samuelson, a liveryman of
Ellis, is now using an automobile for
driving traveling men from Ellis to
surrounding towns. Autos are coming
more and more into use on the west
Arter witnessing the frantic en
deavors of a Missouri Pacific section
boss to get some work out of a bunch
of Greek laborers, Henry Allen doubts
if Alexander the Great ever got
enough credit for what he accom
Two Salina achool teachers got up
a phonetic reading chart to supple
ment the readers. It worked so well
that they have now specialized it for
use in connection with the readers
that have Just been adopted, and it has
been approved, by the state text book
commission for use in Kansas schools.
Atchison Globe: The town people
and the farmers are getting closer to
gether. It is proposed that next Sat
urday every auto owner In town de
vote two hours to taking farmers and
their wives riding. Some of the autos
will hold six people In addition to the
driver. Why isn't it a good Idea? Six
auto owners have agreed to the pro
position, and no doubt others will
Will the farmers ride? Details of the
affair will be arranged later.
A. Croaker in the Holton Recorder
I have noticed that when a man who
spends more than he can afford on
cigars and other nurtrul luxuries,
takes a notion to economize he usual
ly commences by cutting his church
and charity subscriptions down, and
if he concludes to extend his economic
efforts further, lectures his wife on
her expensive habits in the kitchen.
The cemetery is the only
place in this neighborhood where
nothing bad is said about anybody.
. . . There is a large amount of
humbug about business men taking a
vacation. I have taken several my
self and always found I had to rest up
a week or two after I got home before
I was fit for business. The nearest I
ever came to nervous prostration was
when I was on a vacation "resting
I From the Chicago News.
It's easier to acquire a poor wife
than a good cook.
Men with wooden legs naturally
have a lumbering gait.
No, Alonzo, a literary club isn't
necessarily a big stick.
If women have no one else to tell a
secret to they telephone.
Anyway, the pace that kills always
gets in its work on the right people.
It doesn't take long for a coming
man to get into the has been class.
It's up to every man to get a hurry
on himself when he is homeward
Take a day oft occasionally and let
the rest of the crowd do the worrying.
When compared with the patience
of a mother all other brands of pa
tience are counterfeit.
Our idea of real genius Is a man
who can keep right on making his
wife believe that he loves her when
he knows he doesn't.
From the Philadelphia Record.
Rubber hose any girl's stockings
on a rainy day.
The smaller the .bribe the greater
seems to be the disgrace.
With all Its pufffhg and blowing the
locomotive has to take water.
The chronic borrower evidently
thinks it doesn't pay to pay.
Every successful man thinks his
own brand of success the only one.
Any man can make a fool of him
self, but if he has a woman's help it's
Some women don't.- have to exert
themselves very much to put on a. bold
If all the engagements resulted in
broken hearts the world, would about
go to smash.
Nell "The man in the moon - is
looking right at us." Belle "Gracious!
Is my hat on straight?"
Wigg "Harduppe says it Isn't good
form to wear jewelry with" a dress
suit." Wagg "Well, Harduppe never
has his Jewelry and . his dress suit at
the same time. - j
TAFT FOR REVISION.
Secretary Taft is flying the tariff re-
Blgnal- and the chances are that
it will prove the battle flag of the com
ing campaign. The only trouble is th.it
..L9. llke'y to be more of an issue
within the party than it Is outside. The
rank and file of the tariff revision party
is made up almost as much of Repub
licans as it is of Democrats, more so
in fact if you fake tariff revision to
mean revision, and not free trade. The
people as a rule want it, but the lead
f lhe Republican party are against
Prom a purely political standpoint
the talk of revision is perhaps bad at
this time. Many -of the schedules as
they now stand are iniquitous. They
have contributed largely to building
up the' prosperity of the country, but
the necessity for them has passed away.
Still manufacturers all over the country
are keenly in favor of them because
they enable the manufacturer to main
tain high prices, and if he has any sur
plus of which he has had very little so
far, he can sell abroad at reduced
prices. Thus for the people at large,
revision would be a blessing. But the
enemies of revision say. and with a
certain amount of truth, that the crest
of the prosperity wave has been reach
ed or it has not passed. The attacks
on the railroads and other corporate
interests have made capital timid, and
if you prepare now for revision on the
eve of the election.' you will have the
manufacturers laying off men and cur
tailing expenses. Importers naturally
will hold oft buying in the hope of
cneaper prices, the railroads will be re
stricted in freight traffic, and you will
invite hard times with a vengeance. It
Is a nice problem to solve. Perhaps a
dose of hard times Is necessary as a
prelude to better times in the future,
A GOOD EXCUSE.
Now, if Dr. Long had been writing
flsh stories, there would have been
much more excuse for the president
nominating him for the Ananias club.
A Kansas City woman awoke a few
nights ago and found a burglar search
ing the pockets of her husband's trous
ers. Naturally she entered a protest,
as a result of which the burglar was
captured and placed In jail. A married
woman has certain self-assumed rights
which she will not see others infringe
upon without raising an objection.
WINNERS AND MAKERS.
According to the census report more
than half the women In the United
States are "bread winners." It would
be mighty encouraging if the other
half were good bread makers. Salina
FROM OTHER PENS
THE GAIN. FROM THE FAIR.
The impetus given St. Louis by the
fair has been maintained by the pros
perous growth of all the regions of
which it is the trade center. Instead
of the reaction : which followed the
Centennial fair in Philadelphia and
the Columbian fair in Chicago, buoy
ancy unknown in Its previous history
has characterised -every - day in St.
Louis during the rwo years and . five
months since .Wie TJk'orld'si fair closed.
si. louis nepuDiican.
THE STORK IN THE WEST.
The west, the south and the south
west are content tb let Dr. Cronin and
Dr. Roosevelt fight out their polemic
battle in their own way. Their tour
nament ground is in the states of the
northeast seaboard, where the birth
rate in native American families has
sunk below the death fate, as Dr.
Roosevelt's informs us. : Out this way
the stork flies high and frequently
and a chimney has to be kept smoke
less for him In every home. St. Louis
. MEMORIAL DAY.
One need but remember that this is
the fortieth observance of commemora
tlon day to realize the pathos of the re
curring anniversary, with the dwindling
ranks of veterans in the parade and the
growing infirmity of the survivors. They
are fast passing away. New York Her
ald. PERHAPS HE HAS A PASS.
Though the railroads may not be
able to make money carrying passen
gers for two cents a mile, George
Gould has not been obliged to give up
his European trip. Chicago News.
PROSPERITY IN '92 AND '08.
Prosperity, however, is not always a
guarantee of victory in campaigns for
the party in power. This country had
never been more-prosperous than It
was in 1892. Wages were higher than
they had ever before been. But that
year was marked in our political an
nals by a tidal wave of Democratic
triumph. What has been, may be
ain. Washington Post.
HE'S A "BIRD."
President Roosevelt is a rooster in
war, a dove in peace and a singing ca
nary in the hearts of his countrymen.
St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
The world is full of people that can
not resist purchasing a thing that is
cheap, or rather, low-priced, although
they do not need It. The Academy.
WITH CHANGING SEASONS."
"In the summer the coal man be
comes the ice man," remarks an ex
change, "but what of the plumber?"
Why, he becomes a banker, of course.
A LONG TIME. INDEED.
The fact that the governor of North
Carolina and the governor of South
Carolina are both teetotallers merely
emphasizes that traditional remark.
Notice the girls' costumes on the
street? They're doing their best to
convince spring that she Is in style
now. Philadelphia Inquirer.
Opinion aopears to be divided be
tween censure of the publicity given
the Corey wedding and the secrecy at
tending the Mizner divorce. Boston
REPUBLICAN BLACK HANDERS.
Gov. Hughes Is. experiencing some
trouble in his own state with the black
Republican hand. Baltimore Sun.
METEOROLOGICAL NOTE. "
The last two winters of 1907, are all
right, but twice is enough. Minne
WILLING TO WAIT.
When we nominate a southern man
for the presidency we want it done
with a chance of electing him. Bir
mingham Ala.) Ledger.
IP PA WAS KING OP SPAIN.
We've got a bran' new baby, too,
An pa he has to keep
Awake at. night until the new
One wants to go to sleep.
It cries, it does! It yells an' screams
With all its might an' main.
An pa says he'd have pleasant dreams
If he was King of Spain.
If he was King of Spain, pa says.
He'd sit uon his throne,
An' folks would tremble in his gaze
An' leave him all alone.
An' he'd have ministers to come
An' play games for the kid.
An' soldiers to play on the drum
An' shake up old Madrid.
Why, pa, says kings don't have to rise
At 1 o'clock a. m.,
Although the head uneasy lies
In crown or diadem
But kings Just hang their crowns some
where An' tumble off to sleep, ,i
Their royal garments on a chair
Or piled up in a heap.
An' pa says kings don't have to chase
To drug stores in the night
To get some paregoric quick
To set the baby right
They Just wake up a duke or earl
An' make them rock the crib
Or twist the baby's hair in curl
Or tuck its little bib. .
An' every night while my pa walks
Ail ud an' down the floor-
He talks an' talks an talks an talks,
An" says it makes him sore
Because the common people must
Hope on an' hope in vain
He'd give a lot, he mutters, just
To be the King of Spain.
A Fairy Tale of Finance.
None of the five organizers of the
Wireless Telegraph company of
America was rich, and so they set
about to find a man with capital. Firth
found the man. This was Abraham
White, a young man who had come
to New York from Texas a few years
before, and had risen to fame over
night by cleaning up $100,000 on an
investment of- forty-rfour cents.
From the day he first set foot in New
York. White's one ambition was to
make a fortune. He had the money
making instinct. In his first years in
New York he . speculated in real
When the Cleveland popular bond
isjue was made, in 1896, to replenish
the treasury gold reserve. White, who
had lost in the panic years of 1893
and 1894 most the money he had
made in real estate, conceived the
bold scheme of bidding for a big
block of bonds, on the chance that
they would sell at a premium as soon
as the awards were made. The gov
ernment's call for bids did not ask
for any money with the bids. White
made several bids, amounting in all to
$7,000,000, and sent them on to Wash
ington bv registered mail. His total
outlay was forty-four cents. When
the allotments were made, $1,500,000
bonds were set down to Abraham
White, New York. The bonds were im
mediately quoted at a premium in
open market, and young White scur
ried around to find the money to pay
the government for his bonds. He
went to Russell Sage, who was always
ready to put his money into a sure
thing, and had no trouble in getting
th money lender to finance his bid.
Sage paid the government for the
bonds, resold them in the market and
turned over to AVhite $100,000 profit.
Ever since then White has thought in
millions, and has been a gambler for
big stakes. Frank Fayant In Success
A few days ago one of Philadel
phia's prominent society "women told
her butler to tell all visitors that she
was not at home. At night, when
enumerating the persons who had
called during the day. he mentioned
the lady's sister, when his mistress ex
claimed: "I toid you, man. that I wee
always at home for my sister! You
ought to have shown her in."
Next day the lady went out to make
a few call's, and during her absence ,
her sister came to the .house. i
"Is your mistress at home?" she
asked the butler.
"Yes. madam," was the reply.
The lady went upstairs and looked
everywhere for her sister. On coming
downstairs she said to the butler: My
sister must have gone out, for I can
not find her.
"Yes. madam, she has gone out; but
she told me last night that she was al
ways at home to you. Philadelphia
When the train that conveyed Presi
dent Roosevelt through Virginia on his
last trip south stopped at Charlottes
ville, a negro approached the presi
dent's car and passed aboard a big
basketful of fine fruit, to which was
attached the card of a prominent
In course of time the orchardist re
ceived a letter of acknowledgment
from the White House expressing the
president's appreciation of the gift,
and complimenting the donor upon his
fruit. The recipient of the letter was,
of course, greatly pleased, and, feeling
sure that his head gardener would be
much Interested in the letter, he read
It to him. The darky who served in
the capacity mentioned listened grave
ly, but his only comment wa's:
He doan say nutnin aDout senam
back de basket, do he?" Success
It Is Said:
Flour will put out burning oil.
Acrobats and Jugglers never smoke,
The emperor of Japan has 30 resi
The autograph of Columbus is worth.
The Belgians as potato eaters far
outstrip the Irish.
The railway fares or Hungary aver
age but a third of a cent a mile.
One man in live and one woman in
thirty, are slightly color-blind.
In the city i,ooo mlcrooes are In
haled hourly: in the country only
The record cash payment for a nov
el Is the $200,000 that Daudet got for
"Sapho" In 1S84.
The choir of the Mormon Temple at
Salt Lake City numbers 350 voices. It
is the largest choir in the world.
Tho Early Bird.
Bishop Brewster, of Connecticut, is
noted for his funny stories, and his
latest Is said to be about an old repro
bate who decided to repent, and an
nounced to every one that whatever
wrong he had done should be made
right. So a man whom he had cheat
ed out of a large sum of money went
around at midnight to demand it.
"But what did you come at this
hour for. and wake me up? Why not
wait till tomorrow? said the old sin
"I came now.", replied the man, "to
avoid the rush." Harper's Weekly.
Sorry She Spoke.
Miss Miny Somers: By the by, you
are not the boy I have always had be
fore? Caddie: No'm. you see we tossed to
see who'd caddie for you.
Miss Miny Somers awfully
pleased:) Oh! tut, tut, you bad boys
and you won?
Caddie: No; I lorst! The Ta tier.
TNE EVENING STORY
A MaiI and a Method.
(By Alexander Bunn.) '
He finally ' managed to get his cigar
to working satisfactorily, and stretched
uimsen comrortabiy on the grass.
She leaned back against the tree trunk
and watched a squirrel on a neighbor
Harrington noticed that she seemed
to have entirely forgotten his presence,
unless there was merely a comfortable
consciousness of the fact that he was
there if she needed him the knowledge
mat sne nad nothing to fear from a
chance tramp or snake.
It was rather an unusual thing for a
wuman to oe lorgetrul of Harrington.
He could not decide whether the situa
tion interested him or piqued his vanity.
"When you have satisfactorily exam.
ined the trees, the squirrel, the water
railing over those stones, and have
formed your opinion concerning the en
trancing horizon," he said in a slightly
injured tone, "wouldn't you like to talk
to me some r
She took off her hat and laid It on the
grass beside her with a sigh of satlsfac
tion. "None of these things are more inter
esting to me, Diogenes,, than the study
or you, i assure you.
"Sometimes I almost conclude that I
positively dislike you." he said amiablv.
taking long puffs at his cigar. "I never
cared much for women but in this case
there is a stronger element. I believe
it almost approaches dislike."
She wriggled her blond head into a
more comfortable pose against the tree
trunk and beamed upon him as If he
had said something truly gratifying,
"It's an achievement, Diogenes, to
have inspired you with a strong feeling
oi any description I'm proud of my
self." "You have such a confounded way of
pouncing upon a fellow's thoughts and
holding them up to ridicule you can
analyze a man as easily as a chemist
can analyze a patent medlcinei Didn't
you know, Miss Burton, that women
ought to make themselves er attrac
tive it's uncanny for them to go in for
psychology, analysis, and er vivisec
"Attractive? Oh, Diogenes you are
woefully lacking manners I was tak
ing solid comfort and content in the
belief that the powers that be had
made me attractive and was amus
ing myself with your so-called vivi
section merely as a side issue. I see
my dear philosopher, that you are not
fitted for the gentle Ways of polite so
ciety if it didn't sound slangy, I'd say
'Back to your tub.' It- was a tub
that Diogenes enjoyed so thoroughly,
wasn t it
He was,' by degrees, working him
self into an exceedingly bad temper.
-jjiiss .tsurion, aid you know that
blond women had always enjoyed the
reputation of being fools more or
less?" he asked, scathingly.
"All of which leads to " she In
terrogated with elaborate Innocence.
"The fact that It's time you decided
whether you are going to marrv that
Idiot Darrell or me. We've both been
dangling around" you the whole sum
mer." "Your climaxes are strong." she
smiled, admiringly, "that idiot Darrell
or you don't you recognize a cer
tain similarity to Pope in the way you
construct your sentences?"
'It's impossible to make a cHmnx
after-Darrell," he snorted. "It would
be an impossibility to find a, , bigger
idiot to name after him." -
"Everythlng, my dear man. depends
upon the point of view," she pinned
on her hat and turned toward the path
leading to the hotel.
That afternoon Harrington lav half
asleep his new magazine over his face.
in tne snaae or the bushes that grew
back of the summer house.
Virginia, you are actinar shamsful.
ly." he heard Darrell's voice.
so ne caned her Virginia MA Tn
And she allowed it!
Virginia evidently enjoyed the Idea
of acting shamefully, for he heard a
little ripple of merriment.
"But you know. Jack, he really does
need some of the conceit taken out of
him women have spoiled him so."
"I think you have tormented him
enough," Darrell insisted, "and you
nave camea on witn me outrageous
ly. I feel party to a fraud. You can't
Keep it up mucn longer. for whn
Eleanor comes next week he will soon
find out that I've been engaged to your
cisici an niuiiR. w n y not put him out
of his misery? You know you like
Of course I do and I'm going to
marry him but he needs a little train
ing nrst. '
Darrell rose and started toward the
house. "I'm going to finish my 'ettf-r
to itiieanor, " ne said. "I'll leave vou
nere to nnish your book. Shall I ti-11
Eleanor that we'll make It a double
weauing in XNOvemDer? "
Virginia evidently took time to tn'-dl
"I think he'll make an awfully hand
some bridegroom." she said, softly
Darrell laughed delightfully.
jt irL time i ever saw you with a
real attack. Virginia. I don't to
save my soui, now He's railed to find
out mat you care. But as for hand
some bridegrooms I'll have you re
memDer that I'll be there mvself ." and
ne wancea aown tne path whistling.
Harrington sat up, let his magazine
fall unnoticed to the ground and brush
ed his coat carefully.
His gray eyes were twinkling as he
crepi into tne summer house.
He caught the startled girl in his
arms. "A man has a perfect right to
kiss me gin ne s going to marry in
uovemDer i m so glad you acknow
ledge that I'll look picturesque at tha
Virginia's face tried to adjust itself
to an indignant expression.
"You wretch! you heard what I
said!" she gasped.
Harrington held her fast and lifted
her faee until her eyes looked into his.
"Just so exactly so and nothing has
ever added so much to my conceit, Vir
ginia mine." (Copyrighted, 1907, by
An Unpardonable Sin.
An old negro preacher of southern
Georgia had been given fine, fat
'possum by some of his admirers, and
was keeping it in a barrel, feeding it
heavily to still further Increase its
weight. He had decided to have it
killed the next day, when, to his rage,
it was stolen in 'the night.
Shortly afterward a revival meeting
was being held, and among tnose who
went un to the mourners' bench was a
certain very black Jim, and his grief
"Dat's all right, mah brudder!" the
old man shouted. "Don' matter whut
yo' done, the good Lawd gwlne ferglb
"But Ah's been powerful mean,"
Jim declared, weeping.
"Is yo' stole chickens?" the old man
. "O, wuss dan dat!"
"Good Lawd! He'p dls po' nigger!"
the old preacher entreated. "Is yo
used a razor?"
"Wuss dan dat!"
"Is yo' yo' ain't done killed no
body?" "Wuss dan dat!"
"Den hyah whar we tangle!" the old,
man shouted, throwing aside his coat
De good Lawd kin forgive yo' of H
wntf er, but Ah's gwine skin yo
auve! Yo s de varmint dat stole mah
possum!" New York Herald.
hVMOR OF THE DAY
ifCMUY t'0 concierge)-Can you tell me
11 i. -X- is at home?
ceteryT-0' Blr; he'' one to the
-NoLof-hi18 h8S "e t0 8tP e'ir
Willie Newrich Alas! It is true that
my father raises hogs
-iihJJLF'k 8Uaut-I"deed! And how many
children has he ? Philadelphia, Record.
"Bragley's wife brought him quite a
nice figure, didn t she?"
"Yes, so round and symmetrical."
aoJ dont mean that mean her
"Thafa what I mean. It was O "
Mr. Brown made his little boy a pres
ent of two bantam hens and other fowl.
The eggs of the bantam were so small
compared with the others that Tommy
hit upon a bright idea. '
He hung an ostrich egg inside the fowl,
house and to it was attached a card bear
ing the words: ,
"Keep your eye on this and. do your
best." Smiles. -
"I sent 10 cents for that sure way to
beat the races."
"Wot d'yer git back?"
"A nice, neat carl with "Keep away
from the track,' printed on it." Puck.
Sillicus When would you say that a
man reaches the age of discretion?
Cynlcus When he realizes that he is
too old to marry. Philadelphia Record.
Goodlelgh Yes, he's treated you In a
most outrageous way, but you must heap
coals of fire on his head.
Smart lelifh What, with coal at 7 per?
Not mucbee I don't. Wall Street Bulls
"How do you tell mushrooms from
"By the obituary notices in the papers
next day." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"Is Tompkins' wife intellectual?"
"Is she? That woman knows all about
a railroad time table." Milwaukee Sen
tinel. "It isn't hard to Tlnrirtflnri whv mr.m
jokes tickle," sooke up Uncle Allen
Sparks. "It's because of their whlkr '
New York Mail.
Father (sternly) Young man, can you
support a family?
Young Man (startled) Why er I only
wanted your daughter. Philadelphia In
quirer. Teacher What is that tetter?
Pupil I don't know.
Teacher What is it that makes honey?
Small Boy (son of n mnnfflptureri
Glucose. New York Weekly.
He So they are engaged, eh? Have they
any taste in common?
She Oh. yes. They chew the same kind
of gum. Brooklyn Eagle.
Mrs. Justwed (at breakfast) What a
very little egg you've got. Isn't it cute?
Mr. Justwed (after breakfast) Cute!
My dear. I should say It was "chic."
Bismarck (S. D.) Tribune.
Mrs. Jawback We've got to get rid of
. Mr. Jawback What's the matter with
, Mrs. Jawback It talks all the time.
- Mr. Jawback Honest, von'r th moct
jealous woman 1 ever saw. Cleveland
Knicker Does Jones d:et?
Bocker Yes. his doctor onlv allnir. him
to ear things he can pronounce on a
French bill of fare. New York Sim.
From the Atchison Globe..
A political debate is onlv twice as
tiresome as a political speech.
Some people are so polite you never
know when they are telling the truth.
About the only effort some people
make in the way of conversation is to
A poor man hasn't a great deal of
business with lawyers, but some of
them have had.
A woman accompanied bv two men
looks more popular than a man escort
ing two women.
How idle and shiftless a town man
Is in the country! Same way with the
country man in town.
If people could talk themselves
blind, what a lot of women would have
to be led around.
After a girl gets married, the only
time she is serenaded is when her
husband is elected to office.
If you think you are right, go ahead,
if you want to. but don't expect every
one to go with you.
The average girl who works down
town doesn't consider it wrong to lie
about the salary she is getting.
A town may not grow very fast, but
there Is always about the same amount
of work for the evangelist.
Even the women themselves must
admit that a man's fight always looks
more dignified than a woman's fight.
The crowd around the free lunch
always seems more enthusiastic than
the one that frequents the free library-
When a person enjoys "roasting"
others, he has a good deal to say about
the Insincerity of those Who try to be
Talk about energy: has anvone any
more than the' woman who works tha
beefsteak pounder that awakens you
In the morning?
When a man begins to look around
for a new school of healing, his case
Is either hopeless, or he is amusing
himself being an invalid.
When a doctor isn't very -well
known, women say of him: "I won
der how he makes a living. I never
knew anyone to have him."
When boys are playing ball, and one
of them falls to make a catch, he la
sure to shout at the boy who threw the
ball: "Can't you get it up?"
Mrs. Lvsander John Applton went
A- . T .4 1 what tm 3,..
her from a friend who visAed her a
month last summer. She will remain
ill fr .1 Luun, , v v. v v. . ..... . n uuo
Gambling in a small town where the
gilded palace is under the ban, is al
ways a revelation in me amount ok
discomfort a man will endure for a
chance to lose his money.
A boy can unearth a number of dif
ferent kinds of dangerous adventures
in a short time and with limited op
portunity, but he is never so versatile
in this respect as his mother's imagin
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHEIiOR.
From tlje New York Press. 1
A man gets terrible lonesome beinar
It takes a long time to get over the
things you thought you learned at col
lege. The reason most young people fall
in love Is they see everybody else do
A woman's Idea of a fine complex-
Ion Is when It's so natural peonle
think ahe makes up.
The reason a woman like a bar-rain
sale so much Is all the shopping she
can ao witnoui Deing aDie to get near
enough to. buy anything.
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