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THE TOPEEA DAILY STATE JOURNAIr SATURDAY EVENING, JUNE 15, 1907.
TOPEKA STATE JOURNAL By FRANK P. MAO LENSAX. f Entered July 1. 1S7S, a econd-cla matter at tne pcstomce at under the act of congress. . VOLUME XXXIV. .No. 144 Official Paper City ofTopekau TKRMH OF" SUBSCRIPTION, Dally edition, flellvered by T"ll ' ? eents a week to any part of Topeka. or suburbs, or at the same price In rT"" as town vlura the paper baa carrier Br mm It tn. By mall' three months Saturday edition of daily, one year. 1.0(1 Business office IJ3 Business office Reporters" Room ?, Reporters' Room Jn1- , Frank P. MucLennsn ..Ind. w PERMANENT HOME. Toneka State Journal nulling. oa i Kintal nvrrnia. corr.tT of ElgnTii. N(w York office: IHallron huUdinr. TwentT-thlrd street, comer Fifth avenue and Broadway. Paul Block. , Chicago office: Hartford building. "aui . Block, manager. . FULL, LEASED WTFR "FPORT OP THE ASSOCIATED PRESS. The State Journal s a member"' the Associated Press and receives the full day telearaph reoort of that great ranlsatlon for the exclualva aftern.on publication In Toneka. T. The news Is received n The State Jonr in! building over wires for this aole pur pose. . - HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY. Subscribers of the State Journal way dnrins tlie summer may hare the paper mailed rcjrularly each day t: any address at the rate of ten cents a week or thirty cents a month (by mall onH). Address changed as often as desired. While out of town 'he State Journal will he to you llko a daily letter from home. Advance payment Is remtested cm these short time subscription, to Me bookkeeping expense. Bchmltz Is schmltten. It certainly did not take the Jury long to decide about Schmltx. The average boy will make the coming Fourth just about as sane as usual. Some of these June days are hardly rare enough. The heat makes them overdone. If many more politicians climb on to the Square Deal platform they are liable to break it down. Ball enthusiasts might take this cheerful view of rainy days: When It rains the home team will not get beaten. While he is waiting for that apology from President Roosevelt. Dr. Long will doubtless have plenty of time to cool off. There Is every reason to believe that Harry Orchard is ready to award At torney Richardson the prize as a ques-tlon-asker. Dod Lummax confesses with chagrin that Kate Bender's- record really doesn't amount' to much since Harry Orchard has tola his story. After a careful reading of the testi mony, the Parsons Sun notes that the only crime Orchard did. not confess to committing was the crime of '73. This is the time of year when it is easy to keep the weeds from getting a big start and making" your premises look shiftless. Keep the weeds down. Charles Blakesley calls on the public to differentiate between William Sells of circus fame, and "Willie" Sell, of Nortonville, both of whom are noted In their way. How the Russians at Warsaw and Lodz must hold up their hands in hor ror when they think what a terrible country this is if such things as Or chard confesses are true! The Kansas friends pf Judge George W. Clark, formerly of Kansas, will be gratified to note that he is scoring in the legal profession in Oklahoma. He has been nominated for district Judge In the Oklahoma district. The editor of the Grant County Re publican desires some "exercises" when the stones marking the Santa Fe Trail are laid in that county. Doesn't he think the men who tug on the stones will do exercising enough? Senator Long is quietly continuing his visiting tour of the state. Doubt less the senator will make numerous valuable acquaintances. Possibly he may even become acquainted with the sentiment for a direct primary law. Ambassador Bryce is spending a week in Oklahoma. When he gets through noting how we build a magni ficent new state out here in 17 years, he will doubtless be ready to add an other Interesting chapter to ' his fam ous work on this commonwealth of ours. Leavenworth claims that what It used to have were saloons and not Joints. But doesn't It depend upon the definition of a Joint? The accept ed meaning of a Joint in Kansas is a place where liquor i3 sold Illegally. Does Leavenworth contend that its grog shops sold liquor legally? The Morgan family is getting gen erous with itself. J.' Pierpont is going to tear down a 1500.000 house in order to have a garden. '"If Pierp will come out' here," says the Hutchinson News end of the family, represented by W. T. Morgan, "he can have our garden, weeds and all. for half the price." Fear and a guilty conscience often bring a wrong-doer to time. "The -wicked flee when no man pursueth." Albert Sneed Is In Jail at Fort Scott, having given himself up to the police with a statement that he has been dodging authorities for thirteen years and is tired of It. According to his story he has robbed Michigan Central IreUM cars and. held ub a man for f 30 In Chicago.' He also says he shot a non-union man during the American Railway Union strike in 18$. These crimes were long since forgotten by the authorities, if the latter ever knew of them, but the guilty man thought the'offlcers were after him-and his fear ran him down. A SATURDAY SERMON. THE BETTER THINGS, Think on these things. Phillppians 4:8. The campaign that is being made in Topeka which shall result In a large addition to the endowment of .Wash burn college, emphasizes the general proposition that Kansas, and the west in general, has reached a point where considerable attention should be paid to the higher and better things of life than mere wealth-getting. It is Im portant, to be sure, that we should, as a people, continue to increase in wealth and prosperity, but it should not be for the sake of the wealth itself so much as for what the wealth will bring to Its various communities, the state and the nation, In wider privileges, more enjoyments, and a higher civilization generally. In his recent address at the Michi gan Agricultural college. President Roosevelt pointed out that the coming problem of the farms is to make farm life more attractive. Increased pro duction of the land Is to have due at tention, but the other is the real prob lem. To this end the farming popula tion needs to have good roads, mod ern homes, more opportunities for recreation and better social advant ages. And the farmer Is getting to the point where he can command these things. On the same principle and in a broader sense the west and Kansas in particular has reached the point where it Is able to build a higher and better civilization than ever before. Kansas has prospered tremendously In the last decade. It has paid off Its debts. Improved Its property and ac cumulated a tremendous bank ac count. It will go on, of course, get ting rich, but it should not be for the mere purpose of piling up money. In stead this wealth should ba invested In those things that make for a higher civilization schools, colleges, hos pitals, architecture, churches, libraries things that add to the intellect, to social welfare, to helpfulness, to the best development of men and women. A people that uses its wealth to this end is bound to grow In every way. The city that devotes its riches solely to enlarging its commerce for selfish ends merely to pile up sordid wealth cannot in the nature of things be as attractive nor attain such a high de gree of civilization as one that gives a portion of its money to enhance civic beauty, improve sanitary conditions, give the best that is to be had educa tionally, and build up the esthetic side of its people. Topeka Is especially attractive along these lines and it Is this that brings well-to-do people here to make their homes. And it is now up to Topeka to enhance its attractiveness by doing its part In building up Washburn. That is the immediate task now at hand. It is an encouraging sign to note that many Kansans who have - pros pered in material things' are thinking of development along other lines than mere wealth. Every college In Kan sas should receive the loyal support of the well-to-do people In its territory and among its natural clientele. The increased number and the prosperity of the Chautauqua assemblies over the state is a good sign. The use of a liberal amount of the surplus wealth each year for those things that uplift people morally and Intellectually and that add to the pleasures of life will yield big returns In a better civiliza tion. THE PARAMOUNT ISSUE. Mr. Bryan says that the tariff will not be the paramount issue In 1908. Mr. Bryan will pull that prediction down inside six months. Victor Mar flock in the Wichita Eagle. This is equivalent to predicting that the tariff will be the paramount issue next year and Congressman Mur dock's political foresight Is usually pretty good. If the tariff is the paramount issue, then of necessity the two great parties must take opposite sides of the ques tion. Of course, the Democracy will declare for tariff revision; and Mr. Murdock's prophecy would make the Republicans declare for the reverse. But will they do it? It seems hardly possible that they will, for such a declaration would drive thousands of votes to the Democrats. It might elect a Democratic congress on a tariff re vision issue, and the tariff advocates do not wish such a calamitv as that to befall them. If the protected Interests control the next Republican national convention to the extent that they can keep it from declaring openly for tariff revi sion, it is likely that it will try to dodge on the question by talking vaguely about revision at some remote and indefinite time in the future. There is a bare possibility, however, that the people themselves would then take the matter In hand and demand from their candidates a positive dec laration on the question. This would make it a paramount issue in some localities, without doubt. But what will a lot of tariff-revision Republicans do if the tariff really should be the paramount Issue, with the Republican platform declaring for one thing and the Democrats for the reverse? There would be only one safe locality for such Republicans: the tall timber. A KANSAS HANDBOOK. In issuing the latest quarterly report of the Kansas department of agricul ture. Secretary Coburn maintains the high standard of utility which he has established. He calla the volume, "Kan sas: Her Story and Statistics." It Is really a Kansas hand-book, dealing Im partially with every county In the state, and It will be Invaluable In disseminat ing information about every locality in Sunflowerdom. . ' Kansas has been la need of something of this kind. In some otter states or ganizations have been formed for the publication and dissemination of literal ture like this, setting forth facts about the localities in which such organiza tions are located. In Kansas the people have been apparently too busy to look after these things themselves, and It has" been left for the railroads to do. So this volume which Mr. Coburn has prepared will be extremely serviceable. It gives detailed information about each county In the state, not only as to agri culture and population, but also as to rainfall, lands, transportation, general resources and historical data in California there is a state law allowing county supervisors to levy a tax whenever they see fit for advertis ing purposes. This is one reason why California is so well advertised, partic ularly Its southern portion. From time to time every county of Southern Cali fornia issues a handsome handbook set ting forth its resources, and these are distributed all over the country by the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce and other agencies. As a result a half dozen counties in Southern California are In creasing their population at a rate up wards of 100,000 every year. Such systematic work as this In Kan sas might do as well. Secretary Co burn's chief work is to help the Kansas farmer. In which he has achieved great distinction, but incidentally he adver tises the resources of the state to the world, and he is Kansas' chief advertis ing agent. JOURNAL ENTRIES Kuroki has come and gone without wearing his kimona once in public, and the women folks are consequently disappointed. They wanted to get his pattern. This department objects to Colonel Jarrell's statement that the Osborne Farmer has a new dress. Neither the Osborne Farmer nor any other farmer wears a dress. The Osborne Farmer has a nobby new suit. An apology from Colonel Jarrell is called for. A magazine is now printing the "Reminiscences of Ellen Terry." If the magazine wishes to really boom its circulation it should print a series en titled, "Reminiscences of Evelyn Thaw." It Is sincerely to be hoped that it will not be necessary to send to The Hague for settlement this "war" be tween Manhattan and Lawrence over whether the parasite is a bee or a bug. w When a boy falls and breaks his arm while stealing birds' eggs, his mother tries to believe he was only studying natural history. JAYHAWKER JOTS Mr. Enns, of Marquette, ought to mind his p's and q's. A Belleville boy has gone to school seven years without being absent or tardy once. . r, A Coats woman has a fine sense of smell. She declares she can detect veg etables burning over the telephone. All the wooden sidewalks in Sallna have been eliminated and the town now has nothing . but brick or stone walks. -. The chauffeur of a McPherson bus was fined and sent to Jail recently for ex ceeding the speed limit. They are en forcing the laws in Kansas now. The Beloit Call says wolves are get ting numerous In Mitchell county and cites as evidence the fact that 87 scalps t-ava been paid for by the county cWk In two months. But wouldn't this in dicate that they are getting scarcer? Some nature faking by the Salina Union: Saturday, two sparrows started to build a nest on an awning. Yester day the awning was let down and down came the nest. The sparrows im mediately commenced work on anoth er and yesterday, when the same awn ing was let down, down came the near. What did the sparrows do? Did Mr. Sparrow say " the luck?" Did he then go over to the nearest saloon and try to drown his sorrows in the flowing bowl? Not he. He gave his wife one kiss and the two went together and built a third nest on the roof of the building. This lesson of the sparrows shows that it is not the best policy to say "Blanksrr blank blank" when something sops wrong but rather say "All right old muscles" and then get to work and repair the damage. Mrs. Jarrell in the Holton Signal: An other thing that the "Woman's Friend" magazine insists upon. Is that the peace and quiet of the husband shall not be disturbed. That has always given me a weary feeling. Why should the man al ways be protected from any of the un pleasantness of which a woman's day is composed?" The man doubtless has his business worries through the day, but they are not to be compared with the thousand perplexing and annoying things to which the wife has been sub jected. When he comes home at night, the easiest chair, nearest to the rend ing lamp, has been reserved for him, and the evening paper, by right it precedence, is for his perusal, before any one else has a chance to look in it And I protest, that if It eases the mind of his wife to tell him that Mary Jane slapped the baby, and that the cook burned the .bread, the satisfaction should not be denied her. There would be fewer cases of nervous prostration among women If they were permitted to unburden themselves of information pertaining to the household. QUAKER REFLECTIOXS- From the Philadelphia Record. 1 Many a silver wedding is celebrated in a silver-plated way. The poor old summer girl. Is won dering if she will ever get a thow. Many a scion of wealth who is good for a million is really good for nothing. The elevator boy may hot be quick at repartee, but he will always take you up. The trouble with most people is that they don't even keep the family skele ton in a closet. There are sermons In stones, which may explain why even - the ministers are out for the rocks. Blobbs "Henpecke boasts that he has made his mark." Slobbs "Yes, and his wife boasts that she makes him toe it." Wigg "I am going abroad this summer. Do you think I can see London in two weeks?" Wagg "Well, of course that depends largely upon the fog." The gentleman from Kentucky fell fainting to the floor. "Whisky!" ex claimed the doctor; "I'll bring him to." Better make it three," feebly remark ed the gentleman from Kentucky, , KANSAS COMMENT Tn FOR THE YOUNG. - a, Rerri,n l discharging his duties r,fit creta!7 t the state board of ar able F- Di Coburn find3 consider ate fnlTl' 88 tnose who know him well lit in VL Ware' to take a UveIv ' fruit of general affairs of life. The izina ha vf f hls moments of moial him w! b?en set down ln writing by Pi" He elves this tip to young peo- ornw,,!.811 ase of most wonderful Snltl and possibilities for the thar? nfaterand more wonderful tnnirif- y Bone before. In fact, oppor seize rheWellniBh caching out to le lure ,m'fUthe PPrtunity and the ?n e lf effective, must be met half lntilwft ,Z.ur,e wi!1 be of thse with rUinf tyt lndustrv. clear brains, clear wnrk 'lnot ashamed or afraid to aiZht i h head or hands more than eight hours a day, or twice eight hours tinnSSa.ry; .wno can be trusted to do their best without watching; who al- o.fS,1Ve fuU measure, or more, with out the asking. rithe,other hand- there is llttl.3 of ?e. for tne one who studies last and strives little; who is afraid cf d.. ; much or of working overtime; for the youth who thinks it manly to be a barroom patron; to tax his brain lor the coloring of a meerschaum pipe or who decorates his fingers with cig arette stains; who gives his evenings to pool halls, or who argues that rhc world owes hinj a living. Such as these may exist, but they will not be living, Hi an age that, while having much to give, will also demand much. Law rence World. WHEAT. The world of wheat is a queer world knit together ln a sensitive bundle of nerves. Wheat prices keep swinging upward, affected by every little crop Report from every part of the earth. The wheat is failing in Russia, In Ar gentine in oil .w. -. . l , " ' ' . i 1 L . . I l cue WOI1U. J 1 1 no quarter of the globe will there be tmp. m some places tner will be complete failure. And then there will be want and famine. All coun tries are not so rich as ours. It will be most difficult to supply the hunger ing populations of older countries. There will be a great demand for bread, wheat will come to a high rilc, and the man who owns the wheat will reap a golden harvest. Then the Kan sas farmer will have dollar wheat to sell, and will roll in the wealth of fat bank accounts. It does seem strange in this world that one man should profit by another's misfortune, that dollar wheat should be the result of Prim fai'lurao .1 . ; . . tt.... inexorable is the law of supply and ueiiiaiiu. Ana wnat a lesson to point out how hollow prosperity often is! Lindsborg Record. WONDERFUL MAN. President Roosevelt doesn't care how much a man lies about the fish he caught, but he Is ready to jump onto any man who gets gay telling hunting stories. If you were president of the United States you would probably be pretty tolerably busy without regulat ing the number! of children people should raise or the size of the hunting stories they should tell. But our pres ident is a wonderful man and the most terrible thing that could happen him would be to run out of something to do. Jewell Republican. THE LIMIT. Battleships are. getting bigger ani bigger every year, but there has to be one limit. No country dares make them so big that they won't go through the canal. Jewell Republican. FROM OTHER PENS "BACK TO THE FARM." . In the days of the great Augustus, when Rome was wabbling. socially and politically, from too much civiliza tion and all the farmers showed a dis position to move into town and enjoy themselves, the poet "Virgil was given the proper incentive from royalty and his Georgics was the result. There after, until the novelty wore off, the beauties of rural life strongly appealed to the people of the great empire and the Roman farmer became "some pumpkins." In the days of Roosevelt, when the American farmer was displaying a reprehensible tendency to forsake the sod and green bugs were in the Kansas wheat, there became evident need for one with strong voice to . utter in authoritative manner that necessary injunction, "Back to the farm!" With due apology to James Whitcomb Riley and others of the Indian literati. It must be said that no poet could be found of the Virgil size and weight; therefore President Roosevelt was compelled to attend to the job himself. Friday the chief executive delivered an address on "The man who works with his hands" at the Michigan Agri cultural college, which is quite a mas terpiece, in its way, even if it lacks the rhythm of the Roman's verse. Its chief feature, aside from praise of farm life and manual education, is the disclosure of a purpose throueh j political agencies of the government l . iciiuci agiiuuimiai nit; mure toler able; to give it greater attractiveness, and, in the words of the president, de velop farming so that It "shall offer exceptional chances for the exception al man." To this end the agricultural depart ment is to be charged with new duties. Increasing the yield of wheat and bug killing are not; to be given less atten tion, but a portion . of governmental effort is to be directed toward improv ing the social life of the farmer. This may be paternalism, but It is the right kind. If the farmer of this country Is to continue his task of feed ing the people he should be encour aged with chances to participate in some of the delights of civilization. Apparently the federal government Is ln the best position to carry on this work of tempting prodigals to return to the farm. Los Angeles Express. WILL HElLP THE PRINTER. A dictionary of Egyptian hiero glyphics Is in process of creation. It will be of use in every proof room, where matter set from manuscript is to be Judiciously corrected. Brooklyn Eagle. LETTING 'EM WIN. Once in a while a vlsitinz team is permitted to win a ball same in New York without causing a riot, but It Is only when the weather is so bad that few snectators can be on hand. Chi cago Record-Herald. GET BUSY. Colonel Bryan says he will be a can didate for president if his party de mands it. Which ourrht to serve as an intelligible hint to those who are ex pected to create the demand. New York Herald. SOMETIMES. In Sweden women's clubs are called "damklubbs." That's what most men think they are when they get home and find the wife hasn't arrived to start sup per. Los Angeles Express. ,- ; HUSHED. The pipe me father used to smoke Is hangin' on the wall, I don't know where his hat has gone At all, ac all. at all! The cowhide boots he used to wear Stand ln the corner near. Beneath the go-to-meetin' coat He wore for twenty year. An' all is still about the house. As still as still can be, An' not a voice from anywhere Is callin' out to me, An' when I move about at all It's noiseless is me tread; I know too much to make a noise When father is in bed. Houston Post. THE EVENING STORY A Cold Proposal. . (By Mary McKeon.) t,M.any..ipeopIe m Franklin predicted tnat within three months of the death or his good wife Deacon Grimshaw would marry the Widow Spooner. They gave him a year for grieving, but not eJ daZ- AI1 ther had t 80 on was that the two were neighbors ina had been for five years, and that the deascn always stood ready to hoe the widows garden, doctor her sick cow and nail the pickets back on the fence when the boys had knocked them off. It was known that his wife and the widow were good friends, and as the deacon was only middle-aged and well off it was hardly to be expected that he would remain single the rest of nls days. As a matter of fact, the deacon Aid seem to be looking the widow's way after a few months had gone by. They were seen sitting on her doorstep in tha gloaming: he hunter! fh nc,io rat. nip for the cat; he set rattraps in her uam, no gatnerea ner fall apples and PUttied in new rjanea nf trla in tha broken windows. The widow was known to have carried to his lonely kitchen custards and pumpkin pies and jellies, to have said that she pitied him from the bottom of her heart, and so there seemed every reason why the two should make a match of it. There was one reason to the contrary, however, and only the two knew this. The deacon was a straight-haired Methodist and the widow was a dyed-in-the-wool Bap tist. His wife had been buried from the Methodist church and thn widow's husband from the Baptist, and for these ana similar reasons each was. "sot" in his way. Thousands of Methodists have mar ried thousands of BaDtists without landing in the divorce court, but this happened to be an exceptional couDle. They couldn't be together a quarter of an nour without discussing the ques tion of religion, and both were plain talkers. The deacon's year was pretty near up when he- made up his mind that he was in love with the widow and had better secure her before she floated off. Her pies were good and her puddings excellent, and every Monday he saw by the clothes line what a fine washer she was. He had also taken notice that she was no gadabout but was always at home and busy with the domestic duties. She couldn't drive a nail, and she couldn't get the heng of the axe to split wood, but as an offset to that he had heard folks say that her pickled peaches were elmply delicious. -One evening the deacon went over to sit on the eteps and propose. He felt perfectly sure in his mind that he would be accepted. He felt so sure of thi3 that he brought up the religious ques tion before proceeding to business. There were , two. or .three things that proveq the deacon was not a good Methodist. He did not believe that the whale swallowed Jonah, and he didn't believe that Daniel was cast into the lion's den. He had been "disciplined1 several times for his want of faith, but he still remained obdurate. On the con trary, the widow believed In every thing between the covers of the Bible, and there were times when she called the widower a heathen and a barbarian. They had scarcely got seated on this evening when the deacon removed his hat and wiped his brow and began: "No, it don't stand to reason that the whale swallowed Jonah and that Jonah was spewed up again. How did h breathe down there? How did he exist for five minutes? And when the whale spewed him up again, why didn't he arown? It must have been far from shore, and how came it that there was a boat handy? You see, wldder "Deacon Grimshaw, I refuse to see!' she interrupted. -"I tell you that no man could live in side a whale." "And I tell you that Jonah did, and that ends it. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes when you come to die. You'll grunt and groan and kick around in the awfullest manner." "Wldder, I'm surprised that you haven't more sense. Take the case of Daniel in the lion's den. Do you "If you come over here to argue me out of my beliefs you can go home again," said the widow. "I'll be hanged if I don't." And he did. Five minutes later both parties were sorry, but the deed was done.. There was a quarrel on between them, and as each knew the other's ob stinacy there wasn't much hope for a 1 econclliation. The deacon shouldn't have started off, and the widow should have called him back when he had reached the gate, but things went as they went. During the next month the deacon kept scrupulously on his side of the fence. When he passed the widow's house, which was about six times a day, he looked straight ahead and didn't seem to remember that she was on earth. He also did considerable talking in the grocery store and down at the sawmill. A woman with proper pride is helpless in such a case. She can only wait. While Mrs. Spooner regretted her hasty words she wouldn't taka back one of them. As she thougnt the matter over she gave her head a toss and said to herself: "The deacon Is a good man, but as obstinate as a mule. He knows I m right here, but if he don't want to sit on my doorsteps he can go to Jericho. I don't believe I could ever live hap pily with a Methodist, any how." After holding out for five long weeks the deacon could stand it no longer. One October night he made up his mind to at least have a look at the widow through the sitting room win down: He saw the usual light, and he softly climbed the line fence to get a peep. He fondly hoped to see her pale and emaciated and in tears. If he did, he might possibly enter th- house and give her a chance to ask his forgiveness, and promise never to do so again. On that day the widow had called a carpenter to make repairs to the plat form of the well. He had torn the old boards up, but had not nailed down the new. As the skulker softly ap proached the window to get a look he suddenly found himself treading on air. and the next minute he landed with a great splash at the bottom of a 20 foot well. There was four feet of wa ter to break his fall, but he knocked against the wall going down and was some time in ascertaining that he had not been killed and that the water wa not deep enough to drown him. When he had got this through his head he began to ehiver and to yell for assist ance. H had a voice that had lump ed a yoke of oxen ten feet, but the voice of a man down a well is not the voice of a man ln the pasture. - He had yelled and shivered for half an hour when the widow thought shi heard strange sounds and came to the door to investigate. It was another five minutes before she located the man. Then ' she brought out a candle ond knelt and peered down and asked: "Who are you down there, and what were you doing in my yard?" "It's it's Deacon Grimshaw," was the answer. "Why, deacon, - you surprise me. I thought that you had decided I had moved away. Are you comfortable down there?" "Of course I hain't! I'm near dead, and I want to get out as quick as I can." ' "I see. If I let down the bucket you can hang on till I can draw you up. We must have a little talk first." "Talk! Talk!" shouted the deacon. "Can a freezing, dying man talk? You ought to be prosecuted for leaving the well uncovered." "Deacon.about the whale and Jonah? I believe the whale swallowed ' him. How do you believe?" "I believe he didn't." "Then you must excuse me for n while. I've got some apple sass stew ing on the stove and I don't want it to burn. I'll be out ln about half an hour to see If you have changed your mind." "Winner, wouia you leave iimu v perish?" , "How about Jonah and the whale? He didn't mean to give In, but a fresh crop of shivers shook him from head to heel, and as soon as he could get a grip on his chattering teeth he re- Pl"Well. mebbe the whale did iwa!lt film m "And how about Danlel ln the lions den?" ' . There was silence for two long min utes. But you cannot beat cold water, a 20-foot well and a desire for some- .. A tha enil of that time a nuns iivv. - ' , - . . . shivering, shaking voice called up that Daniel was probably an mere as oi- tec. AnntVier thine, deacon." eontlnu e.l iiia vnspllne woman, "did I ever run after vou?" "N-o." "Am I half crazy to catch a bus band?" "N-o." , "Have you given me the mitten?" 1 Will I 1.111I11 BV.. "Well what do you think? I m afraid that apple sass Is really scorch "Don't don't go, wldder." was walled up the well. "I think tninK ,4-nnMwV.av tha OTinlA BARB!" lit 11U 111 11 ' - - . . .Tr..ii t v,inii- tha hp:t thins: we -can en, 'nil' ... . do Is to stop all this dlsruptln and wranglin' and get marriea. -r.-o a rirawn 11 n. crlven glass of hot cider with red pepper In n-v,iio ha wnn drinking and .hovinr und shivering the happy -'.ay was fixed and the affair came off ac cording to programme. (Copyrighted 1907, by Mary McKeon.) GLOBE SIGHTS. From the Atchison Globe. 1 There is a good deal of inhumanity ln human natura. No one ever takes a real good look at a horrible example. Everyone Is superstitious enough to believe in the dollar sign. The "fast" young man usually is about everything but his work. It Is hard to argue with a man who gives the Lord as his authority. You can't Judge the speed of a lo comotive by the way it whistles. The theory that the good die young worries mothers more tnan it snouia The man who isn't in love is the only one who knows much about it. An Atchison old girl says of herself that she is a peach, but that she is canned. A nrize fighter never gets whipped so severely he can't explain why he should have won. The encore doesn't have to be man ifested very violently if you are pre pared to respond. As we grow older, we are all com pelled to give up much or tne -spunK we displayed, in youth. A boy may be a bit cowardly In other respects, but dyspepsia never has any terrors for mm. Nothing makes a man look so com pletely married as to take care of a baby In a dry gooas store. When a traveling man does find a hotel that suits him, he isn't oacK ward about bragging on it. There may not be much left after the average picnic dinner has been eaten, but if there is. cake is always pretty well represented. What has become of the old-fashioned dentist who told every woman he pulled teeth for that hsrs were the hardest he ever pulled? A man is pretty superstitious if he Imagines killing a cat will bring him worse luck than letting It howl all night under his bedroom window. There is one thing no healthy boy can understand: How any person can be so sick as to refuse to eat the good things the neighbors bring in. A woman whose husband doesn't drink can always give a vivid descrip tion of the fierce treatment she would administer to him if he came home drunk. Do you own a little dog that barks all night? Ever occur , to you that hundreds of people in the neighbor hood are easily annoyed? And the meanest and most Impolite act possi ble Is to unnecessarily annoy people. If the whole world loves a lover It has a queer way of showing It. When a man and woman begin making eyes at each other, the world smiles; when they are seen In public walking close ly together, holding hands, or ex changes caresses, the world Is con vulsed, and finally when the woman walks up the church aisle and meets the frightened, haggard looking man at the marriage altar, the world bursts out laughing. In almost every refrigerator will be found a little dab of Irish potatoes left from the previous meal and put away to save it. The next day It Is thrown out. It Is said that nine wo men In ten are victims of the dab-potato-saving habit. One woman ad mits that in the ten years she has kept house there has never been a time when there wasn't a dab of potatoes In her refrigerator over night which was thrown out next morning. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR. tFrom the New York Press.l A woman could get the blues awful ly If she couldn't cry about them. Arguments about race suicide read differently ln the check book from the text book. Some oeODle are so suspicious they won't even believe an elevator has got to stop at the bottom. The time a girl blushes "at being kissed is when she didn't know some body else was looking till after It was done. A nice thing about being a million aire la the way people give him pres ents he wouldn't get, no matter how much he needed them. If he couldn't afford to buy them. PS "No," sayss Gus Gobblesteinhuser, poking his face rieenor inrin mi. Ion uf buddermilk, "I vas nefer peen ln Lefffnff-svnf-t Vi.. . t , . . veeks In Lawrence der Oder day." Misder Orchard sayss Id dot he owed der cnnfinnin . Hiss confession vondt pay der inter esd on vot he owes society. Uf von elghdeenth uf hiss confession iss true, he owes id tn unflatv . 1 ; j , , w salt; 1 11UUIO oben-air vody-ville stundt on der end "Goot," hollers der crowd in der courdt room ven Misder Schmidt uf Frisco vas foundt guilty. From vlch ve may gadder dot he Iss nod a "natlf son" any more, und dot der same crowd vill holler "goody" ven de chudge soaks him aboudt femty years, yedt. Von might suspicion dot der beo pless vlch spendt so much time und money looking fer der Dokter Burgee, vlch vas nod murtered, but chumped hiss chob und skldinkled fer der Fll lypeanuts, might be tembted to make goot der felrsd guess uf dey could get deir mitts on him. Der life hlsdory nf dot coundt Bum my de Clothesline indicates dot he vas not gifen to labor uf any kind. In Oder vords, he tolled not, nelder did he spin. Uf late, howefer. Id appears dot he is gedding a lod uf goot, healty egsercise chasing dot Gould Wad. Again dem Chabanees Iss boiling ofer. Vich suggestions der rumedy fer a ofer-bolling coffee pot. Add vonce a teaspoons full uf cold vasser, und shake brlsketly. . Der Nord Topeka feller vlch vants a diforce from hiss vlfe pecaus she spendt $15 ad der street carnlfal, may tink she took in some oudtslde ad dractionss, but he vould change hiss mind uf he tried to do a streed car nlfal vonce mitoudt a pass. Ge-speaglng uf leg-pulllngs, by der time Anna gets trough mit her hus pand, und he gets trough mit hiss vife, dot Gould fortune vlll valk mit consiteraple uf a limp, allretty. Misder Tucker, uf der Unkle Sam combany, says he vants der troot' aboudt dot fishlnk trip. Uf he gets der troot' aboudt dot fishing trip, he vill do much besser den anyvon else efer dlt aboudt any Oder fishing trip. Uf Misder Roosenfeldt really car ries a gun, es alleched, here's hopink, ven some dub crank goes gunning fer him, der gun-totihg habit vill proof a. blessing. Id haf peen rumored, also dot Misder Roosenfeldt Iss nod llaple to shoot any innocent stad-byrerss. Our Chef uf Bolls Iss gone to Min nie Aplls to attend a conwentlon. Id Iss rumored here dot der supchect uf hiss speech vill be: "Crimmynalss Vich I Haf Almosd Caught." Mean- vile der cops vich he lefd pehlnd to yach tings are chepordlsing hiss chob py demonstrating dot der town can gedt along mitoudt him, all right. POINTED PARAGRAPHS. From the Chicago News. He who laughs last always laugh alone. Many of our fond hopes are inflated with trot air. No one ever discovered a saint by looking In a mirror. The stiffness due to rheumatism la never mistaken for dignity. A man of the world Is one who has managed to dodge the undertaker. Many a sweetheart turns out to b a bitter disappointment as a wife. The more brains a man has the less chance there is of his head swelling. The worst feature about losing one's temper is that it refuses to stay lost. Some men are unable to distinguish between good advice and a mild insult. When some people tell us they did their best we wonder wnat their worst is like. A man loves a woman because h wants to. If he marries her it is be cause she wants him to. In order to size up the average ma correctly, get his estimate of himself and knock off 60 per cent. Usually a man who boasts of h!a bravery hasn't got nerve enough to push a sitting hen off her nest. Every time a woman makes a fool of a wise man he simply charges it up to experience and lets It go at that. Coming events that are calculated to separate people from their coin are al ways heralded by an advance agent. When a banana peel takes a fall out of a man and there Isn't anything broken but one of the commandment! he gets off lucky. Deacon Slicker I think the carson Is nni sufficiently progressive and vet I hate suggest thai we discharge him. Deacon Hardshell Why not raise h'.s salary? Then he'd probably drop dead. fUCK. 'James." said Mr. Goodman, th mar. chant, "the gentleman whose na m gave as reference tells me you're not vers truthful." "Well, say," replied Jimmy, the offlc boy, "youse Is sich a truthfu guy yerseji youse need an able-bodied liar like mi round de place," Philadelphia Press.