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THE TOPEKA DAILY STATE JOUBNAliATURDAY EVENING, JffLY 20, 1907. 1 TOPEKA STATE JOURNAL By FRAN P. MAO LEXNAJT. . fEntared July I. U78, aa Baoond-olaaa matter at the poatofflce at Topeka, Kin, . . VI wuftlBia.j BVOLUMH XXXIV.. .No. 175 Official Paper City of Topeka. TPOlfa fin g. rfn T-.- mBlfWT , bally edition, delivered by carrier. 10 a weak to any part of Topeaa. or suburbs, or at the lame price In any Kan- towna wher the paper has a carrier Igr mall, one year . w?y man i ;r: . 'Saturday edition of dally. one year-. 09 I TELEPHONES. guslmes office 2 .'Reporters' Room Bell B7? gfPortera" Room In2' ,5 ISVank P. W.Mnn.n Ind. TOO PERMANENT HOME. j T'opelca State Journal building. W nfl I W Kanxaa irnnua, corner of Eighth. ( Nw York off tee: Flatlron building, at ; Twenty-third atreet. corner Fifth avenue Hid Broadway. Paul Blocfc. manager. I Chicago offices Hartford building. Paul i uiocK, manae-er. 1 1 :r I WJUb LEASED VTTRF; RFPOHT t OP THE ASSOCIATE! PRESS. !The Slate Jumal la a member of the Associated Presa and raeelvea the foil day telegraph reoort of that great newa or ganisation for the exclunlva afternoon Sptihlleatlon in Topeka. I The newa la received n The Wtate Jour nal bnll dine over wires for thla aola pur- :poe. HOME NEW8 WHILE AWAY. Subscribers of the State Jonrnal way during the frnrnmrr may bare the paper mailed regularly each day t any address at the rate of ten cents week or thirty cents a month (by mall only). Adktrens ensnared ma often aa desired. Wllilo out of town the Btate Journal will oa to you like i dally letter from home. Advance payment la rexjnested . on these short time subscriptions, to we bookkeeping; expense. While the warlike spirit Is abroad, wiry riot make war on the weed? Attorney General Jackson la also preparing to ask the trusts a few Questions. " 'According; to the new directory, the nomils-tlon of ToDeka Is 48.671. Pretty leoon this will he a 60,000 town. Now that the haying season Is over at Oyster Bay. the politicians are again, finding that locality attractive. j Mr. Harriman really ought to he grateful that the Interstate commerce commission did not make It any trongef. Orer $6,000,000 of bank deposits was returned by Kansas people for taxation this yeax, leaving only about $145,000,000 untaxed. ; Th decision of the Rock Island to keep out of politics in trie fature Is calling forth all kinds of encomiums for that road from the press. The shooting of 'two , rf-Jtarvest hands In southern, Kansas Is ah extra heinous crime "wheft' 'harvest hands are as scarce as they are now.' There were ten deaths from heat In Pittsburg "Wednesday, making over a score in 36 hours. Mora evidence that Pittsburg Is close to the Infernal regions. An Illinois farmer killed himself because he was tired of fighting potato bugs. How many people, would he have killed had the green hugs reached him? When asked whom he favored for president, a Reno county man prompt ly repllad: "Theodore Roosevelt or whoever he says." Which expresses the sentiment of millions. ' The Republicans of Michigan are (booming Senator William Alden 'Smith, for the vice presidency. Per sians they think In this way the Re publicans can corral the solid Bmlth .vote. With some would-be public men, the press, when It Is on their side. Is "the bulwark of our liberties." When It tells a few unpleasant truths about them It Is "mendacious and Irre sponsible." - ' "Mr. Bryan," remarks the New Tork Sun, "persists la saying that he laid the eggs lh the nest of populism which Mr. Roosevelt sits on and is hatching." At any rate, they were good eggs. i Another advantage of throwing a trust Into the hands of a receiver to make It quit violating the law. is that It can not then advance the price of Its goods In order to make the public pay its fine. Good roads may cost money, but they do not cost as much as bad roads. If the country had a system of really good roads, farmers could haul their products to market for a fraction of what It costs them now. A number of Individuals over ' at Leavenworth have been fined ten dol lars each by the federal court for mailing letters in newspapers. Uncle gam charges high postage rates when people try to beat him altogether. -. Speaking of typographical errors, an exchange remarks that "a Washington preacher says that hell Is located in the son." Perhaps that lent so far off. however, although most of us are apt to think It Is somebody else's son. J. L. Brady favors the ten com mandments for a platform next year. He prophesies that a good man like Taft with the ten commandments as a platform would sweep the state. What's the matter with utilizing the Golden Rule? . The emperor of Korea will abdi cate, which means that he will quit his job. He does It by request. ,The dispatches fail to state, in what line of . business he ex pects to engage In the future, but It Is presumed that he Is out of the em peror business for good, as Jobs in that line are quite scarce and are be coming scarcer. " A SATURDAY SERMON. THE REAL SQUARE DEAU AH things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you. do ya even so to them. Matthew 7:12. That term, "Square Deal," Is sadly overworked In these latter days. When President Roosevelt promulgated it or borrowed it from the card players he denned it as an equal opportunity and equal privileges for all men. Since then it has been adopted by a great variety of individuals, some of whom mean It In its real sense and others of whom have seised upon the term as a means of "doing" the other fellow. Its application in Kansas to a certain political faction has made the term a reproach in the minds of the opponents of that particular faction. This may be Just to a certain extent, but It cer tainly Is not if one considers the real meaning of the phrase. It, Is doubtless true that there are those among tha Square Dealers in Kansas politics whose ambition It is to win for their favorite candidates and their particular ideas by whatever means may be possible, but such Individuals are not real Square Dealers, no matter though they may advocate what Is known as the Square Deal platform. The real Square Dealer is willing to give his opponent every op portunity or advantage which he claims for himself. He has no wish to crush his opponent any more than he himself wishes to be crushed or humiliated. He stands for what he conscientiously be lieves to be right, and he fights for his opinions with all the force of which he is capable, yet he concedes to his op ponent the right to do the same. That's the genuine Square Dealer the blown-ln-the-bottle brand, guaran teed under the pure food or any other law. The Square Dealer cannot acquiesce in fraud and deception In others. It is his duty to expose and fight them. Yet fraud and deception In others do not warrant him In indulging In the same himself. Two wrongs never make a right. In the frailness of human nature all meft frequently fall short of giving oth ers a square deal. Blinded by self-interest and bigotry, they frequently fall to accord to others the same rights which they claim for themselves. Recently thte paper was criticised for not continuing an active fight on ex Senator Burton. Now Mr. Burton is en titled to a square deal Just as much as is the humblest private citizen of Kan sas, or the railroads, or the machine crowd, or W. R. Stubbs, or the Coman che bond perpetrators, or anybody else. This paper has stated Its belief that Burton is wrong in his attacks on Pres ident Roosevelt. It will continue to do so as occasion requires. On the other hand the ex-senator has some very fair ideas. BO far as this paper knows he is leading a decent, respectable life, he has paid the legal penalty for his wrong doing, and there is no great danger that the country will suffer from any erron eous doctrine that he may advocate. Therefore it would hardly seem like a square fleal to make war on him now. simply because he has sheen grossly wrong In the past. Those alleged Square Dealers who are disposed to carry their war oft the railroads to the point of unfairness are not entitled to use the term. Neither are those who refuse to give political opponents due credit for good things done while censuring the wrong. The same principles apply in private life. Common honesty demands the square deal that we do unto others aa we desire them to do unto us. It's a broad question, but the essence of the square deal is the Golden Rule given by the Savior of men. CAPTAIN HOBSOX'S BUGABOO. While endorsing In general the idea advanced by Captain Richmond Pearson Hobson that a good fleet is desirable for the United States in or der to maintain peace at least until civilization In other parts of the world is further advanced than it is now this paper positively refuses to be frightened by the lurid picture which the hero of the Merrlmac paints of the Yellow Peril. According to Captain Hobson, Jap an has us already whipped to v a standstill. He sees an inevitable conflict between the white and yellow races for the mastery of the Pacific, unless the United States is able to overawe the yellow men and make them afraid to fight us. More thajn. that, he advances an able line of ar gument to prove that Japan is rush ing preparations for this conflict and even now is well equipped for it, while the United States is absolutely helpless to protect even its own Pa cific coast, let alone Alaska and its Insular possessions. Further than that. Captain Hobson Interprets the British-Japanese alliance to mean that Great Britain agrees to keep us busy on the Atlantic seaboard in case of a war between Japan and this country, so as to necessitate the presence of our one fleet in Atlantic waters, leav ing the Pacific entirely unprotect ed. The remedy for the . difficulty, says Captain Hobson, is the building of two more fleets to supplement the one which we now have. One of the three, says Hobson, Is needed to pro tect our Atlantic seaboard, another should take care of the Monroe doc trine in South America, while the third Is necessary to care for our interests In the Pacific. It is an exceedingly interesting tale of diplomacy which Captain Hobson discloses In connection with what, he alleges, are Japan's attempts to bring on a speedy war with this country. It seems quite likely, however, that Mr. Hobson is the victim of the dreaming habit to a certain extent, and In this particular cpse his dreams have taken the nightmare form. It Is difficult to think that Japan has us so badly whipped as he would have us believe. Still, Captain Hobson's views are en titled ' to consideration. He has studied the question deeply. "He is a student of naval affairs, and his state. ments regarding the difficulties ; of moving fleets and the" need of naval bases .cannot be disputed. It would not be seemly for a mere land lobster to question the opinion, In such mat ters, of the man who did what Hobson did in Santiago harbor. But the rest of us- can guess about as well as he concerning Japan's purposes. Captain Hobson may be right, not withstanding our disbelief. If Japan really has got us as badly licked as he says, we will not kick In the least If he comes back and says, ."I told you so," but Japan will have to prove it first. . - He admits that the ... British public might not let that government carry out 'what he asserts is its agreement with Japan to worry us on the east in case of war. If Great Britain should try to carry out such an agreement, this paper would not be in favor of bothering with Japan and the Philip pines for' a time, but would give Old John Bull such a trouncing that he would never again play such a scurvy trick on a. friendly nation. However, such a contingency appears extremely remote. On the general proposition that this country needs a good navy one that will enable it to compete easily with any nation on the globe there should be no dispute. Captain Hobson Is right about It. It will be some time before the nations of the world will be sufficiently advanced In civilization that they will all behave themselves unless they know there is a strap hanging be hind the woodshed door for use on them if they do not behave. Let's have the strap. JOURNAL ENTRIES A r1a PonTifi Vn n w advertisement j. Vioj- vcuiv ' ... t to oarnniflhinfr how rat.aiy money accumulates." Ever get aston ished that way? "In this country." says Fighting Bob Evans, "we do not talk." Evidently Admiral Evans never attended an afternoon bridge party. Out of a population of 48,672 In Topeka there are 1.075 Smiths. This is more than two per cent, and any thing over two per cent is unconstitu tional. It's a great puzzle to a Topeka four-year-old why he can not light a fire cracker on the headlight of a lightning bug. They eat" six-times a day on the big ocean liners three big meals, with lunches in between and another before bedtime. We Judge a growing boy would find that an ocean liner approxi mates his idea of heaven. EJAYHA WKER JOTS in'. "I -I l-Si' ' Will Beck claims to have tied for first place In a baby show in the days of his extreme youth, but no affidavits or photographs are off ered to substanti ate the claim. ' ' - . - Here Is the explanation suggested by the Holton Recorder: Governor Hoch has given to many state offices to Mar ion county men that the supply "erned to run out and he had to go to Col orado to get a man to run his news paper. . , A month ago it did not look." though Bailevilie would sell one binder this year. Since that 20 of the ma chines have gone out into the harvest fields from that town. You can t al ways sometimes tell Just how a wheat crop will turn out. Here Is a mosquito cure that Is print ed by Gomer Davies: Rub alum on your face ond hands. When the mos quito takes a bite it puckers the buz zer so It can't sting. It sits down In a damp place, tries to dig the pucker loose, catches his death of cold and dies of pneumonia. Not all railroad magnates will look on indifferently while the baggageman is Indulging in the sport of trunk smashing, remarks the teavenwor h Times It is related that lately a rail road president berated a baggageman severely for tumbling a trunk about on a concrete station platform. "Can , you see you are ruining the platform? the magnate exclaimed. Atchison Globe: The farmers at Ef fingham are still crying for farm hands, to help put up hay. The Atchison county farmer struck a peculiar season this year. Corn plowing, haying and wheat harvesting all came atjfce same time, and he had a busy time. They say farmers are cutting hay earlier than formerly. Hay used to be dry when It was cut, but the ' farmer, now it h cut while green, be cause It makes better hay. A Mankato girl, says tne . " ' came nome me i". v..., -- itn favorite uncle in the parlor talking w 1th her father. She slipped up beh nd htei And threw ner tirina ' - - -He turned his head in surprise and she found herseir gazmg - ftTs Tnow extremely dangerous to men Son uncle her presence unless you are clreftil to make your remark so P,raemCmemeanlng that .there can be no suspicion oi " .,,..,, . . j i. . v.rnnn T.. Kellogg, a oTo . sent out 20 years ago to learn ai. - - to cot rich has jusi b""o -f tenrsome kind of a bugfest. Lelan-l Stanford JB" ' rn remain- hot sun in a -y- - cfoo STvs Puerto study bug, than to fight 'em. POINTED PARAGRAPHS. . From theChicago News-1 Fast friends should be slow to d'sMrree. J - mn earns bis money he never has any to burn. BustneBS Is Dusineira iut " thlnhrc"fnor88pot,ularity truth Is the hare Vnd.flattery Is the tort. . se tl" be riamly would have got it. He jests at iamny jr. w" "JL' a mother-in-law to pry the lid off. i -a , v. lnM A rinllAr em some in ii wjmiv , i , . a horse race than win it at honest labor. Perhaps you are right, u arena, in your thporv that laundries date back to the iron age. Adam never had occasion to explain the presence of a blonde hair on the eleeva of his coat. It's difficult for a woman's neighbors to understand why she has so much confi dence in ner nuaoanu. There can be no effect without a cause. TITI.M m .liinv I m nffprMl at l.xs Vi a " mt there Is a reason for it. When a man carries around a lot of money with him either it is somebody else's or it is going to be. KANSAS COMMENT THE PESSIMIST. - I was talking with one of the old fashioned kind of pessimists the other day. I believe it did me good, for since I passed my sixty-eighth year I fin-3 that I am inclined to knock Instead of boost two-thirds of , the time. . "Going to get quite a little wheat after all. aren't you?" I said. "Yes, but I won't get anything for it," he answered. Corn is comine nlcelv." I ventured. "Fair; but the weeds are getting a big start ana will take Dart of my crop. "Made a little money last year, didn't you?" "Some; but not half what I should have made; costs too much to live." "Made something in the advance of your land since you bought it, havn't your' "A little, but not half what I should have made; taxes too high, and costs too much for school books for the children." . ""Well, a big corn crop and a good price would put you in pretty good shape, wouldn't it?" "Yes, but a big crop would be awful hard on the around, and we wouldn t cet any. thing then for a couple of years and, I would' lose It all waiting for another crop.". -And the gloom settled down over his countenance as' he went out into the street 's' tn lament artd moan, There are times when I fervently lift up my voice In thankfulness because I am not as some other men. That was one of the times.-Berfc Walker. . IN ARKANSAW. Kansas neoDle are not so slow not so awful slow. An El Dorado fellow citizen went to Arkansas some time ago, bought 40 acres of land and turn ed to be a Democrat.' : This gave him a hog right that is the right to go, into the woods and khl a mast-fed wild hog when out of meat. This Kansas man seems to have had 20 acres of woods and 20 acres of plow land. He started on 10 acres of -watermelons and 10 acres of chickens, and as he was 20 miles " from ' a railway station he -had to create a home market for his pro duce. He fitted up his woods, hired some colored preachers ana stanea onlnrftii mmnnuwtlne. He led in nraver. exhorted of niKhts. "lifted" the collections, sold hie watermelons and chickens to the brothers ana sisierj and when everything was disposed of i . . uA nnw owns LttlllvlucciiiiK " m-o vm.. - ,,, half a township of land, is living like an Arkansas nabob and is counted one of the foremost citizens of darkest Ar kansaw. Ei Dorado Republican. COMPARATIVELY. t . 1 . v. tnta...tnir t n knnv how the state board of railroad commis sioners who are now examining the Missouri Pacific tracks In Kansas are doing it. The worst track seems rather smooth to a man in a special car or a Pullman; the best tracKs are iuuS" man who is riding in tne locurauuio cab. Wichita Eagle. OF COURSE NOT. rtl. am nnl riAAn told." aSSert the railway trackmen who are trying . . . . I r,f r.rtr nthf tit in thO Missouri Pacific's track Is rotten. And if Railway Attorney joe iwuwua his way, the half will not be told. Lawrence World. . A SUGGESTION. The attorneys !in the Thaw case should see the attorneys for the state in the Haywood case, and when Orchard-is placed on the stand again Save him confess' to-the killing of White. This ought to dispose of botn cases and Orchard at the same time, and the only trouble with it is that it wouldn't disposed of Thaw. Parsons Sun. r- - Zn ' ' ANOTHER VOTE. The department of agriculture" has nominated the corn tassel to be our national flower. We're for it. We are also in favor of putting on our silver dollars a portrait of that eminently respectable citizen and patriot. Farm er Corntollsel. Lawrence World. JUDGE LANDIS. Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis, who has compelled the great Rocke feller to come into court, is said to have been named in commemoration of the battle in which his father was wounded As that engagement occur red in 1864, and Judge Landis was born in 1866. his peculiar name can not have been bestowed on the spur of the moment. A similar instance of peculiar paternal choice in naming a child is exhibited in the case of Cap tain Malvern Hill Barnum of the regu lar army. His father must have had some reason akin to that of the elder Landis, fcr while the battle was fought in 1862, Captain Barnum was not born until fourteen months after wards. Possibly there are military as sociations which civilians can not un derstand that make certain events of peculiar significance in the lives of veterans. This supposition Is strength ened by the fact that a few years ago there lived in Boston two colored men, brothers, sons of a veteran, who bore, respectively, the given names . of "Army-of-the-Potomac" and Sixth Corps." Boston Transcript. TREATMENT FOR SCORCHERS. The automobile has become recog nized as a vehicle of transportation as much asacarrageor a street car," and there is no disposition anywhere to prevent the growth and expansion of the automobile industry, but there la a growing demand throughout the country for some drastic legislation that seems absolutely necessary to impress upon car drivers that they have no monopoly of the roads, streets and other thoroughfares. There is no excuse for inexperienced chauffeurs, but the dangers that they cause Is less than that due to reckless chauffeurs, the owners and operators who have become victims of ' speed mania and apparently take no thought of the safety of others. Omaha Bee. DIPLOMATIC EFFICIENCY. The new Chinese minister Is said to be a fine tennis player. He should have no trouble "catching on" to the diplo matic racket In this country. Washing ton Herald. HARRIMANS GENEROSITY. Mr. Harriman very kindly gave the Alton people back their stock, but thoughtfully kept their money. Port-, land Oresohlan. HEAR! HEAR! The great republic shall live as long as the poorest citizen freely expresses his personal and political opinion, and no longer. Baltimore American. A TWO SPOT. - . Perhaps one reason why more peo ple haven't seen 'the sun spots Is be cause we are too busy looking for ten spots. DetroitFree Press. AN UNFORTUNATE OMISSION. Henry James" new novel, "The Prevar icators," makes no reference to Harri man and other railroad men who have had that title thrust upon them Oma ha Bee.. FROM OTHER g . GET THERE. Graft, and the world grafts with you; xon. ana you toil alone; For the rich of the earth must get their While the others pay toll with a groan Bow, and the "magnates" praise you; . Kick" an anarchist you are; For the supple knee the rich love to se, But frown on justice's war. Get cash, and men will iaud you: Fall, anil tllpv turn thA Viosri- If you. can buy .folly, with you they're jony; But do not ask them for bread. Buy wine And svcfmhim t Tla.tter: Buy beer, and von're a ohoari 1cfefte!- Wfth music and light they'll stay up all oignt, . Otherwise you're alone with your plate, Dance, and the crowd applauds you, .Limp, and you're in the way; An automobile will give you the field; Jt -i" tsAii gu wuere you may. There is room for the man who "gets No matter what road he runs; But he who balks at getting what "talks," Is the chap that the whole world shuns. Wall Street Bulls and Bears. Good Business. J. A. Everett, the president of the American Society of Equity, said in In dianapolis of a certain deal in stocks: "This deal reminds me forcibly of an advertisement that once appeared In the Lost and Found column of several Phil adelphia newspapers. It ran: " 'FOUND "Yesterday afternoon, on Chestiiut street, near the postoffiee, a gold watch. Loser may recover same by calling at office of John C. Smith, 287 North Tenth street, and paying cost of this advertisement." "Well, John C. Smith sat In his bare office the next morning, and, a little be fore 9, a rather shabby man entered. ''About, that watch, sir? he began. He had an anxious, furtive ey. "The unsophisticated Smith drew a large gold watch from his desk drawer. . " 'Is this, it 7' he asked. " " 'The very thing,' said the other, hur riedly, He. looked immensely relieved. " The advertising costs are $8, said Mr. Smith. "The shabby man's face darkened. " 'Eight,' he muttered suspiciously. " 'EiKht,' said Mr. Smith. 'That notice has been running a week In seven pa pers.' " T" V A Wi a r will, t'(...U. n.J the money, for the most part in silver. j. neu nt nasienea away witn a lew words of thanks. "Mr. Smith, after he was gone, smiled to himself. " 'Ah,' he murmured, .'this watch find ing is a mighty good business.' "And, in preparation for his next vlsi- ml, lie mi 111 wic: Ml " t 1 1H,.,1... . p. V. . watch from a large pine box of them uai lay unaer ints Lttun.:. Mixed Names. mtA MOvn nn V. Itttl V0ftHHlllA plates in a Yorkville apartment house are me suDjeci oi u inner lroiu ne York in a Vienna paper. "I had to In 4 K n lfttla nttiA " tVtA wHtftT says, "waiting for some one five flights up to pun a siring v iiilii uijciiv me .lnrtM trn T" Vi 4 tinlr o Inner tlmA Clliiauvc iiL.., . . o - " " - and I had opportunity to study the names of the people - in the house. These were some of the names: Becker, Schneider, sscnuster, neiner, eenremer. thought that the various apartments were occupiea uy ijcicuho hs& the trades named on the little signs, but clerk; Schneider tallor) was a railroad employe; Schuster tsnoemaKer; wa a clgarmaker; Kelner (waiter) was an electrician; Schreiner - (carpenter", was a woman a"-oreEsmaner; . r ium mi, (teamster)"was a barber, and Drucker (printetl was a painter. The person ...v. T .,!-! A ABr.Arti.r1 mo to t hp dOOf w 1 1 , i i . . 1 L v ... . , - and called my attention to one little sign which I had overiooicea. i was inscribed 'Baker.' 'That,' he said, 'Is t a ..inrw.Q n famllv In the house. LUC V 1 1 1 J ........ ml and they have a boarder whose name is Carpenter; oom men ie "v. ers." It all made me think I had been at a labor union convention." New York Tribune. prevention of Floods. . ...v. .. -a- to Au-airpninff to the- neces sity of more forests to protect her val ..kia intorpst. from Injury by floods. Other communities are In the same boat The watersheds of the Allegheny and Monongahela rivers cover nearly 22 000 square miles. It Is estimated that 2 000,000,000 trees would be re quired to suitably plant the denuded territory and that fifteen years must elapse before they would be of any material benefit. Also that the expen diture would be enormous. Admitting all these drawbacks it would be a paying investment. The Pittsburg district lost 15, 000,000 by the single flood of last March. Other districts lost in proportion. Floods are so common nowadays that they are apt to visit us at least once a year. In much less than fifteen years would the damage be equal to the sum ex pended for replanting the territory which was once forests or at least a sufficient portion of it to provide pro tection. Wheeling Register. . The Problem. Senator Rayner of Maryland is In favor of adequate salaries for school teachers, and at a reception he told a story about a teachers' meeting in a district where the salaries were extreme- "A rich', portiy banker opened the meeting with an address." he said. "The banker concluded his remarks with an enthusiastic gesture and the words: " 'Long live our school teachers I "What onr shouted a thin pale, seedy man in a black coat slightly smeared with chalk marks." New Or leans States. . . Freak Insurance. "Is It a fact," asked a Judge Justice Darling the other day of counsel In a case that was before him. 'that In surance companies insure Wlnst a successful appeal hy the other side?" "Yes." answered the learned gentle man. "I have been told so. And they have different rates for different Judges." London Daily Mall. ; - QUAKER REFLECTIONS. ' From the Philadelphia Record. The social whirl make some girls S The man who has no music to hit soul might try a shoe horn. . Nell "Don't you drtad the time of gray hairs?" Belle "I'd dye first. Adam looked out for number L and his descendants have been doing it ever since. The baker may ba a horny hand ad son of toil, but he always has lady fingers. Many a feUow haa fallen in love with a Speech of a girl, only to diacover that Fate has handed him a lemon. WlKg "That dentist Is no good r my toothache B Juat aa bad aa ever ,WaBg "Why don't you go and have It out with him?" "Beauty Is only skin deep," quoted the Wise Guy. "That'a right.'" assented the Simple Mug. "but we don't fully appreci ate it until we see a girl whoae nose is beginning to peel." Mrs. Muggins "I admire your hus band's taste; he dressea so quietly." Mrs. Busgins "Humph; You should have heard him this morning when he couldn't find his collar button.'" Starboarder "The landlady says youre-a-ard her as an old hen." Hallroom "Why, the idea! Nothing could be farther than my thoughts." Starboarder "Come oft; only this morning I heard you ask her to lay another egg on your fclate. THE EVENING STORY Out of the Channel. : (By Lyie Ward Sanderson.) Merton Kesler came slowly down the lighthouse stairs. He liked the wind and twist of them; a hazy wish floated through his mind that they might never end. He would like to go on forever, hearing the tap of her little feet on the iron behind him; feeling her hand touch his shoulder, every now and then, when she grew a bit dizzy with the curve. The fact was Mr. Kesler's sense of proportion had been rather unsettled Since the night before. Then, Marlon, in that strange, illogical way girls have, and in spite of her aunt's skillful, con trary maneuvers, had made the obtuse Mr. Harvey understand that she wss not overwhelmed with delight at his invita tion to try his new electric launch; and within the same five minutes, had prom ised Kesler to visit the light with him, "even if we have to go in a dory." . It had been somewhat hard for Mr. Kesler when he came down to the cape on his short vacation to find his old playmate absorbed by the wealthy Mr. Harvey. It was true that Marion did not appear very happy; but her aunt certainly seemed at peace with all the, world, and made an extremely willing chaperon on the many trips which that gentleman was constantly planning. This had been Kesler's first chance. AftAi- thrink iml farewells to the old Captain, . Kesler guided his companion down thA at eon nath to the little, peb bly beach, where their boat awaited them. It was not a dory, but a gay little pleasure craft, bright with many cushions. Kesler helped Marion in. feel ing a keen regret that he could not put her into the handsomest launch on tho coast. -. . . , There was no hint of regret in Ma rfan' tar u aha nicked UP the rudder ropes, and the boat swung off. The sun waa warm; but the breese, filled with the. tang of the sea, blew the girl's bright hair about her face, and brought a sparkle to her brown eyes. "And over the sea lies opam, u6 the girl happily. "You'd like to visit the old world, wouldn't you, Marion? You must go. some day," said nesier, wunaerms how he would feel if ha snouia Know that Harvey and Marlon were jour neying about Europe together. "Some day," repeated the girl softly, her dark eyes dreaming, then smiling into his. She was quite willing to push everything but the present mo ment Into tne inaenniie iuiure. The man hesitated a moment, then said, with a note of entreaty in his voice: "May I row you over to Tur- bet's creek before we go pack 7 its such a quaint, Dutchy, little place, with its old wharves and fishermen's houses, that I want to see it again. You know my vacation ends tomor row." Marion's face suddenly flushed tin it was the deep pink of the wild roses that grew along the shore. "I'd love to go wltn you, sne an swered, "only well, you see after all aunt told Mr. Harvey he might take us out in his launch at 5; and she'll be much displeased if I am not at home." "O I see.' said Merton itesier ratn- er blankly. "I'd better hurry then." His mouth suddenly became a stralsrht line. He began to pull with long'even strokes. "Harvey can give her everything In the . world," he thought with remorse and some, bit terness, "and he is a very descent fel low besides aside from being a snob. If ever a girl was born for riches, she was. What right have I to ask her to share my mean, little salary? 'Tis a good thing my vacation Is nearly over; I might say somethihg foolish and make her unhappy. But O, may she not smile at me again before we reach the farther side of the little bay." "The tide is running out fast," saia Marion, looking down through the clear, water to the yellow sands. "We'll strike the channel soon," returned- Kesler, pulling himself togeth er with an effort, "I can never tell ex where It is when the wind roughs the whole bay. Great day for sailing; wish we had a yacht, Marion." "Oh, I like this little boat full as well," declared the girl contentedly; then suddenly cried: "It's growing shallow, sailor boy, look out!" Kesler's oars stopped in the air. That was the name she had called hfm when, as children, they had . built many dreamships together. The oars made a savage swoop into the water, the boat shot half lta length ahead, then stopped with a jerk, its nose burled In the sand. "Great Scott, we've struck on the flats! Jerk up the rudder, Marlon, while I push her off It's a mercy this oar is stout. No. don't push, child, sit still." "But the tide Is Just racing out," ob jected Marlon; while all of the man's efforts simply caused the obstinate lit tle craft to grind deeper Into the sand. Wrath and mortification struggled on Kesler's face. "It's bad enough to have to take the princess out In a mean, little rowboat," he broke out, "but to shore her on a sandbank, and not be able to pull her off, is absolute disgrace." From far up the bay came the sound of distant puffing and Kesler, glancing up, had the pleasure of see ing a new, shining launch coming rap Idly down the channel toward the stranded boat. Still tugging and pull ing ineffectually, he turned angrily to the astonished girl. "Your aunt will be pleased to find you here, Marlon. Good heavens, why did you ever come off with me! You ought to be in that launch this min ute, you don't belong here" his wrath poured out on her "You love luxury; you know you love it like a cat. Harvey's not good enough for you; nobody Is; I'm not. He wants you of coursei I want you ten thou sand times more; but you're crazy to come off with me. He'll be angry and 'twill serve you right. I'm going to signal.- when' he' gets nearer, and get you over to the channel If I have to carry you.- I hope this will teach you lesson!" Back of the anger In the man's face the girl read something else, and sprang to her feet, crying: "Walt. Merton, don't signal!" With a swirl and a splash she landed knee deep in the water, one hand gathering up her skirts, the other grasping the boat line, while the boat, lightened by her weight, floated a bit. "I don't belong in the launch: I'd rather be here with you." she said defiantly. "Marion, what do you mean, dear?" asked Kesler, staring at the little figure by his side as if he was Just waking out of a sleep. The girl suddenly began to cry. "I thourht I'd better be helping you helping you pull this boat," she sob bed, "than riding round In an old launch with a man I don't like. But If you don't want me I can take him, I suppose." Her voice died away, as she struggled vainly to keep her wind blown hair out of her face, her skirts from the water and the tears from blinding her eyes. "He shall never have you,", declarel Kesler fiercely, dropping the rope and catching the girl in his arms. "Little comrade, do you mean it? I do want your help, little girl, and I will make you happy. . Oh. don't hide your face, dear! Your hair is so lovely but it's dreadfully in the way!" The ubiquitous Mr. Harvey, as his lauch came swiftly down the channel, noted with astonishment two persons over toward the lighthouse wading slowly through the shallow water. He thought at first that he recognized the girl's white sweater and her green skirt, which she had gathered about her knees. The gulls called over their heads and the sea-wind blew the girl's bright hair all about her face. The man waded very close to her side. The pair seemed in no particular hurry; behind them, bobbed a little white boat. (Copyrighted, 1907, by C. H. Sutcliffe.) ' HUMOR OF THE DAY Patience How is it you enjoy the Ger man opera so much, when you don't un derstand a word of German? Patrice I don't have to talk in German, you know! Yonkers Statesman. ' Nodd I shouldn't think you could af ford to play poker if you ara so unlucky at it. Todd What I lose at poker my wife makes up at bridge. Life. "I see you have a bundle there. Not getting ready for the Fourth to early?" Yes." "Roman candles and firecrackers, eh?" "Nope. Witchhasel and arnica." Cleve land Plain Dealer. Dolly (the young author) Uncle, what are the six best sellers out your way? Uncle Newrick (of Kansas) Can't say ez there are six; but when there's a wind we folks are purty glad if we's got a cyclone-cellar." Judge. "What was the most thrlling moment of your life?" "It occurred last night. I walked the floor with the baby for two hours, and. Just as he had finally dropped off to sleep, I trod on a squeaky board." Cleveland Leader. "Sir!" exclaimed the Icy co-ed after tho kiss had been stolen, "how dare you! No man has ever kissed me before. "Oh! that's all right," replied the nervy student. "Somebody had to break the Ice." Wisconsin fa'chinx. Jack So that handsome balloonist threw you a kiss as he was ascending, eh? What did you do? Eva Er I called him down. Columbus Dispatch. "Another freak marriage." "I'll bet they fall out befo before the honey- moon is over. "I hope not. This honeymoon Is being taken In a balloon." Washington Herald. Dolly No, I won't wash my face. I Just hate to wash my facel . , Grandma Naughty, naughty! When I was a little girl I always washed my face. . . . . D0iiy Yes, an now iook at it: Cleve land Leader. "Mrs. De Swell Is the president of the Home for the Aged. I gave her $10 'for it today, which I couldn't well afford. "God will reward you." "He has already. She asked me to luncheon." Harper's Bazar. Jack The largest cigars come from the Philippine Islands, some of them being is inches in length. i Jill Is that all? I amoked one, once, i. - . tmrA rl-al ionr than that! Yonkers Statesman. A pretty girl was introduced to Pade rewskl at tha close of one of hia concerts. She wished to be affable, but was fright ened half to death. After a moment she ..riv. "of whom do you take dPn. . ..... . -., , music lessons?" Judge. Knlcker What is the sixth sense? Bocker Horse. New York Sun. "What kind of punch was that at tha Ruggles' reception?" "f knew what it was after I frank my first glass, but now I can t tell for the life of me. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer. Mr Jawback The biggest idiots always seem to marry the prettiest women. Mrs. Jawback Now. you're trying to flatter me. Cleveland Leader. "Do you keep good, honest goods here T' asked the fussy old man In the cafe. "Well sir." responded the waiter, tns whiskey's straight, all right, but to be can Jd with you.8 1 'think tha pretzels axe crooked."-Cleveland Leader. "What does McDobbs call Ws series of pictures of the moonshiners of the Ken- tU.uaTsUinasntlli"llfe, I bel.eve."-Cleve- land Leader. GLOBE SIGHTS. From the Atchison Giobe.l In addition to being bad. a bad man is he'suTgeon'Ts'the only "cut-up" who reYo seldom ePaypumP or a well pulley Tsattfied with his health everything else looks pretty good to him wht manv men regard aa a "good wouldn't go in a Sunday school "ThTLord and the hero In a novel are the only or.e who has enough suspenders. The book agent and the fly get mighty little Vealt for their energy and indus- trwhat has become of the old fashioned cwidrVn who were afraid of step-moth- "-There Is something the matter with the man who is alwaya worrying about losing hlWhenna8woman's visitor Is a bride mora than usual Interest is taken in her street parade. The real young can never see how any or who Is old could once have been good looking. There would be more good complexions If women used more cars in putting it T Sen' to any man long enough and you wW hear hi. say : "They depend on me to do everything.". , Nearly every woman thinks ahe has the best refrigerator rhade and the best preacher in the business. ' , Most people adopt popular clamor In m-der to appear intelligent, rather than because they feel abused. ThA average man Is a great deal more ai to let his pleasure than his religion interfere with his business. Wa never could understand why people want parrots. We would aa soon adopt a negro baby as buy a parrot. It is not only Important to acquire a little sense, but it la also important to ac quire it as early in life as possible. You don't like to go to church very well- how would you like to be the preacher's wife, and have to hear him all week? . Talk with almost any man long enough, and he will tell you of a good position he has been offered in another town. The men long ago gave up carrvlng a carpet bag. but you will still occasionally see on a train a woman with a bird cage. Have you ever stopped to admire the self-control of the man who can pick up a lead pencil without marking on aome- There would be no scarcity of harvest hands if more young raen learned to han dle a pitchfork as well aa they can a cigarette. REFLECTION S OF A BACHELOR. rFrom the New York Pre ml A girl can sit on an awful narrow seat when it's with a fellow. When you . can see through a woman s clothes they are worth all the money they cost. We can get enjoyment out of most any thing unless we think it's good for our health. Some women are so modest it matte a them blush to buy a sleeping-car ticket from a maaw . -