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THE TOPEKA DAILY STATE JOUENAE FRIDAY EVENING, JULY 26, 1907. TOPEKA ST4TE JODRSiL By FRANK P. MAO LEXXAN. f Entered Jnlv 1. 17S uonnd-rHi Inatter at the pcstofflce at Topaka. Kan, Hvipt act at congress.! (VOLUMES XXXIV No. 180 Official Paper City of Topeka. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION. Dally edition, delivered by carrier. M Cents a week, to any part of Topeka. or suburbs, or at the same price In any Ka- - iowiu wnere me paper nu r ytrm. iJ mall, one year fii. 5"' lnr months , "J Saturday edition of daily, one year.... 1 08 TELEPHONES. Business office .' Bell Vfl Business office Ind. Vt Reporters' Room Bell 577 Reporters' Room ..Ind. BR nk P McT,ennan Ind. 708 PERMANENT. HOME. Toneka State Journal building. 908 no and New York office": Flattron butldln. at Twenty-third afreet, corner Fifth avenue mnn riroadwny. Paul BlocK nmir. CJi1ea-o office: Hartford building. Paul 'fs.ock. manager. FULL T,EA5FT WTRF BTTOllT OP THK ASSOCIATED PK'rS The Slate I.u.-ntl la a member of the Associated Press and receives the full flay telerranh renort of that-great news or ganisation for the exclusive afterccon publication In Tooeka. The newa Is received m The Htate jour. e! feundtnir over wires for this sole pur- BOMS NEWSWHTLB AWAY. ,' 8iibrrrhers of the State Jonrna wiT daring the rnrnrnfr may have jtfie paper mailed rejrulnrly each -3ny ts any address at the ntp of ten cent at week or thirty cent a mon'li (V snail only). Addrewn ohatuced as often 'a desired. While out of town thw State Journal will be to yon like a ' dally letter from home. Advance payment la requested n ,'thee short time subscription, tit save bookkeeping expr - - .' Pretty soon the Jury will take Its ttrn In the Haywood trlaL If Mr. ' Darrow could have made It ny stronger, he doubtless would have lone bo. - America and Japan might get to gether on a mutual plan to suppress the Jingoes. " It is quite evident that Attorney Dar tow does not entertain the highest re gard for Attorney Hawley. . Possibly New Tork may get around to recount those mayoralty ballots by the time a new mayor is elected In 1910. - . Buttermilk may become so popular In the coming presidential contest that the hogs may be deprived of many a good meal. ' Mr. Darrow says the Jury should either. hang Haywood or set him frets. Evidently Darrow does not care to go through It again, either. .Speaking of extremes, -right after January was released from the federal trison the mercury went up to the highest point In two years. "We can take comfort In the thought that If it is so hot now. It may not be later. Of course this thought may be erroneous, but there Is nothing to pre vent our thinking it. Kchmita exDects to run again for mayor of San Francisco, while Abe Buef's ambition is only to be a free American citizen once more. Abe Is evi dently the wiser of the two. It did not take long for the Rock Is land and Its striking car men to agree on arbitration. Capital and labor are getting together, notwithstanding some jreports from San Francisco. It Is only In recent years that Korea has ceased being "the hermit nation." Foreigners were not allowed to travel within its borders to any extent. But It will be a hermit no longer. If the number of favorite sons In the presidential list continues to be augmented. It is going to make trouble In keeping track of the "also ran" list when the count Is finally made. Let's see: Was not, "Methods, not men." the campaign cry of a certain faction in Kansas not so very many years ago? That must have been the aort of a platform Schmitz was elected n in San Francisco. A Philadelphia woman has sued for divorce on the sround that her hus band no longer brings her boxes of candy and flowers as he did before their marriage. It is suspected that the florists' and confectioners' combine Is behind the suit. ' Peace is more dangerous than war. There was only one man killed in our navy in engagements in the Spanish American war, yet - sixty-five lives have been lost by accidents in the navy In th last five years. Captain Hob son, bring on your war. Pawn In North Carolina the South ern Railway Ignored the 3 cent fare law, and a court has" fined the road $10,000. The state promises to keep up the fining process unless the rail road obeys the law while the new rate Is In process of litigation to determine Its Justness. Perhaps North Carolina Isn't so slow, after all. The Salina Journal asserts that the action of the Emporia militia In dis banding Just after Hobson had been through this part of the country breath ing fire and sweating blood over tha prospective Japanese war, leaves the members of that organization open to an uncomfortable suspicion. But did Hobson fight the Japs at Emporia? This paragraph from the Los Angeles News may throw some light on the source of much of the Japanese war rumors: "It was the New York Herald that stirred up most of the Jap war talk. ' The Los Angeles Times, Chicago Record-Herald and a dozen other promi nent papers that subscribe to the Her- aid news service followed the Herald's lead. Mr. Bennett, who Uvea In France, made his paper pro-Russian in the war with Japan, and it Is suggested that he is still under the Influence of anti Japanese influences. , It would seem from this that the conspiracy to em broil this country in a war with Japan originated In Europe." SHEPPABD VS. THE BOARD.' The Kansas railroad commission and Mr. J. I. Sheppard, representing the National .Trackmen's association, are engaging in a controversy over when and how if at all the board shall order the Missouri Pacific to re pair its tracks. The board has in spected that road's main line from Colorado east through Kansas, and the track is alleged to be in a deplor able condition. Mr. Sheppard is in sisting that the board issue an Imme diate public order relative to making this track safe and restricting the speed of trains until that is done, as has been ordered by the Missouri board. The railway commissioners say they will make no orders until they have Inspected the entire system In Kansas, and they have secured an opinion from their attorney that they can make either a private or a public order, as they see fit. The public is not Interested espe cially In whether Mr. Sheppard or the board la the winner in. this contro versy. It is interested, however, that part of It that has to ride on the Mis souri Pacific In knowing that that road will be made safe to ride on. Whether or not the board's dignity has been insulted by the affidavits of two experts who made the inspection with the board, is also a minor matter in comparison to the safe operation of trains. If the members of the board think that the filing of these affidavits reflect on their knowledge and ability. that is their privilege, but it does not especially concern the public. The traveling public is concerned. however, in knowing that it is not tak ing' Its life in its hand when it gets on a railroad train. It would seem that the railroad board, now that It has personal knowledge of the condi tion of the Missouri Pacific's main line, would lose no time in ordering travel on that line to be made safe. When a competent railroad superin tendent hears of a dangerous place In his track, or of a washout, he does not wait until he has heard from every other part .of the system before he is sues orders concerning the operation of trains and the repair of the dan gerous point. It Is to be hoped that the condition of the Missouri Pacific in Kansas may be so thoroughly Impressed on the head of the Gould system that it may be overhauled and brought up to the standard of other Gould roads. For many years the physical condition of the Missouri Pacific, in Kansas has been a by-word with the traveling public. It seems hardly possible that this condition Is realized by those high in authority in the Gould system. If the state officers have the power to bring about a change, It Is time for them to do so without further delay. Possibly the board believes that the mere fact of its inspection and the ver bal comments made by the commis sioners as they went over the road, may bring about the road's repair. If so, well and good. Safety is what is wanted, both for passengers and train men. The manner in which it is ob tained is not so important as the re sult. PROOF. Out in San Francisco a few days ago a vice president of the Pacific States Telephone company went to Jail rather than answer certain questions in the prosecution of his superior officer, Louis Glass. Glass is president of the tele phone company. Theodore Haleey, an agent of the company, paid a large sum of bribe money to the San Francisco supervisors, by their own confession. The question in the Glass case is whether President Glass was connected In any way with this bribery or had knowledge of It. The prosecution ex pected to prove this connection by Vie President Zlmmer, but rather than an swer the questions that might convict Glass, Zlmmer went to Jail. This action of itself would convince the average man that Glass is guilty, but It might not technically convince a Jury. The defense can assert that thj prosecution has not proved this point, but it would be considered proven inv where except in a court trial. "The man higher up" is already convicted in the estimation of the public. THE THREAD TRUST. Have you purchased a spool of thread recently? If you have, you have paid tribute to one of the latest trusts. A Topeka woman gave her small son a nickel a few days ago and sent him to a store for a spool of thread. He returned without it. "Thread Is six cents," he announced. "I need an other cent." Another individual re cently bought a spool of thread at a department store thread that such stores formerly sold at three cents. It is six cents now. -,- Since time immemorial cotton thread has never sold for more than a nickel a spool. The cross-roads store charged no more than that. The city department stores frequently sold It for less. - Now one pays six cents for It. Cause: The Thread Trust. This advance will seem like a small thing to most well-to-do people, yet It represents tremendous fortunes to somebody. Thread Is a common neces sity. Every household must buy it. Therefore the Increase is great In the aggregate. Perhaps it means not more than ten cents a year additional to the average family, but even that small sum would add one and a half million dollars a year to the net profits of the thread trust. The great bulk of the thread that Is purchased by individuals Is that used by the seamstresses and the sweatshop workers of the cities who can ill afford any additional burdens. They will pay a greater part of this increase than any other class, yet their own com pensation will be no greater. This Increase In retail price Is twen ty per cent gross at least. If any other trust arbitrarily raised the cost of its products twenty, per cent to the consumer, what a protest would go up Yet the tribute levied from the aver age well-to-do family is so small in this instance that no protest will be made except on account of the anoy- ance caused in making change. Yeff-it is the small profit that makes great fortunes. JOURNAL ENTRIES Bill Doollttle spends much of his time hunting work, but he rarely bags any. Bill says he never was much good hunt ing without a dog, anyway. "The Second cavalry camped In Topeka last night. Bring on your Japs, Captain Hobson I And less than sixty days ago you were kicking about the frosts. Query: If "Cissy" Johnson did not have enough negro blood in her veins to show, what hurt did it do other girls to associate with her? www It should be explained that the 1,075 Smiths which the new directory credits to Topeka do not include the " Smith runabouts and touring cars in town. JAYUA WKER JOTS 0 In the absence of other game, two negroes shot craps in Emporia and got arrested. It is Bald that the school ma'am crop is 1.000 short in Kansas this year. Here is something that really is serious. A Seneca man who is so stingy that he won't . take his home newspaper, also scrapes the sugar off the flies' feet that get in his sugar bowl. Billy Morgan Is wondering whether the abdication of the Korean emperor was due to the efforts of the boss busters of that country or to the ac tivity' of the Japanese machine. A pianist for the Jubilee singers who appeared at the Independence Chautauqua was overcome by the heat while playing. She probably was overworked keeping up with the sing ers. The Lakln State Bank Is equipped with a hitch rack and pump and wat er trough for the benefit of its coun try customers, but it wouldn't . be right to accuse the bank of watering its stock. It's the customers'- stock that gets watered. Nature fake from ; the . Leoompton Sun: Sometime ago Mrs. Harris had a cat and some kittens, close to a hen that was setting. Two of the kittens worked their way into the hen's nesrt, end the hen proceeded to mother them, much to the sorrow of the mother cat, who came and tried to coax them away from the hen. only to be repeat edly whipped off by the hen. The hen abandoned her nest to devote herself to her adopted family, and lead them around, but after a few days they died for lack of nourishment. The forty-fourth annual catalogue of the State Agricultural college con tains 244 pages and seventy-four Il lustrations, and lists 1.937 different students for the past year, 1,894 from 100 Kansas counties and forty-three from ot er states - The worth of the Rockefer is" svbpad "we'hoe' Kansas State Agricultural ' college to Mr. jackson will be considerate the state from its experimental work . enoufrh to select some of his 100 ques ts far in excess of the cost to the peo- ( Uons from the firjt pages of a primary pie of the state, yet its greatest value text book. Lawrence World, is in educating young men and young J , women in regard to the opportunities and privileges of the farm. Young men and women who are dissatisfied with farm life or who wish to extend their knowledge of the business of farming or home making should write for a catalogue. J. E. Junkln of the Sterling Bulle tin, who has been nosing around in little old New York and other points in the east, writes the following home to his paper: "There was one place in New York I wanted to see that was 'No. 26 Broadway, the business home of the Standard Oil which Thomas J. Lawson describes so vivid ly as the place where Rockefeller and Rogers sit like great spiders and gob ble up the little innocent files that come Into their parlor. When I saw the building it looked very unpreten tious wasn't nearly as big as some or the others around it. Upon an ex cuse of seeking an advertisement for the Bulletin, I penetrated the interior with all the boldness of a man who wanted to buy or sell a copper mine or financially wreck a railroad. I found the name of the man I was af ter and went up to the sixth floor to interview him. He wasn't a bit sassy, but was tending strictly to business. We talked advertising for fifteen min utes. He gave me some valuable in formation but no advt., and I told him some things about the Bulletin and Sterling he never knew before. I have a promise of some business this fall, but have decided not to buy an automobile on the strength of this promise. I haven't forgotton Amal gamated Copper. I didn't meet Hen ry K. Rogers or William Rockefeller; they don't attend to the advertising personally In fact, they don't be lieve much in publicity and would prefer newspapers not to mention their little schemes. I got out of the building safely without losing either my reputation or my umbrella." QUAKER REFLECTIONS. fFrom the Philadelphia Record.l An ounce of scare is often worth a pound of advice. Does the boss of a political machine have wheels in his head? Man is made of clay, but that doesn't prove that every fellow Is a brick. The only aim in life some people seem to have is to look for a larger target. When a woman's head is turned by admiration she should remember Lot's wife. When a man's methods will bear look ing into we should really look out for him. The fellow who is willing to bet his bottom dollar seldom has to dig down very far. Even in the case of the self-made man a woman can finish up the Job by making a fool of him. Nell "Chollle Saphedde had the most peculiar way of proposing to Maude. He took her out to the cemetery, showed her his family lot and asked her how ehe would like to be buried there." Belle "What did she say?" Nell "She said she'd be tickled to death." REFLECTIONS OP A BACHELOR. From the New York Press. Liquor would gag a man if he was taking it for his liver. It takes a long time to get acquainted with all the reasons why you can't be good. A girl can fool herself Into believing she is in love when she only wants a new gown. A woman believes she Is happily mar ried when it would please her friends to know she wasn't. - KANSAS CQMMENT ADVANCE OF THE AUTO. xne automobile is soon going to wak D's Inroads into railroad traffic. Within a-few years-every livery stable I. 0,u 10 contain more automobiles than horses. Traveling men are going to make more trips between towns in automobiles than by means of rail roads and teams. We will give an ex ample of the experience of Will Moore of Oneida last week to prove our con tention. Moore is a real estate sales man. He started out from Baileyvllle at 11:30 o'clock one morning last week after transacting what business he had in Baileyvllle. He went to Axtell and transacted business there, continuing to Summerfleld. He re mained in Summerfleld two hours, and continued to Beattie, where he re mained half an hour. Then he went to Frankfort and stayed an hour and fifteen minutes. His next st nn war. at Vermillion. Finishin-r his business, he Went to Central!! nnrt rpmalnd n hour and forty-five minutes, returning from there to Baileyvllle, arriving shortly after dark. Moore made seven towns In a little over half a day. No trouble was encountered with teams. The total distance traveled was 73 miles. The fastest mile was made in 2:22. The fastest triD between towns consisted of a fourteen mile run which was made In forty minutes. The auto mobile for the day. with . chauffeur. cost Moore ten dollars, which was cheaper than he could have made the trip in any other manner. The trir. cost Moore less than $1.50 per town. aaoeina ieraid.. A PROTEST. Science tells us that heaven Is not in the clouds, that bands of angels sing ing gidasome nymns do not swoop down from heaven to catch up the departing soul and sail with it to the glory land. Science is bothering itself in mighty small business. What dif ference does It make where heaven is? Why should we trouble to locate it? Heaven belongs to God and it U his place to look after it. In the na ture of things we can not know where It is so why spoil this picture that youth carries with It to old age? Why rob us of our pretty conditions when no good can be done by so do ing? Our TwatarlaHsnrv has n II lations have been clipped and we are bidden to stay on the earth where the clay Is thick and the atmosphere charged with materialism. Away with it. Disturb not our pretty faith. There Is a heaven somewhere and the human soul is going to rest there forever, so why bother where the place is located? Those scientists who are so anxious to materialize faith are hindering the world, rather than helping it. Out upon them! Lawrence Journal. . CHANGE THE- PRESCRIPTION. Every square foot of land is culti vated in Japan, yet so many babies are born that the population is increased at the rate of 800,000 per year. There is no place for them to go except the United States. . Japan has been taking Roosevelt's advice regarding big faml- ! iles and tne resul is that it is crowding cveiyuuuy iniu .me ami is ljtui4? UJ cause a war. 'Whe'n medicine works like that the ""prescription ought to be changed.Jeweli Republican. ; HIS 'GRADE? Attorney General Jackson Is troing to ask 100 embarrassin questions of iJri - Y OUR PACIFIC FORCE. What is really being done is to cor rect a strategic blunder. For three quarters of a century the United States has steadily maintained a force of its finest and strongest ships of war in the Pacific ocean. But. strange to say, now that our stake in the Pacific has grown to be more precious than ever, the war strength there of late years has been suffered to decline. A proper and rational division of our fighting fleet would be to have from one-third to one-half of it in the Pacific ocean. As a matter of fact, there is today only one first-class battleship flying a pen nant in Pacific waters the new Ne braska, JuBt commissioned on Puget Sound, not yet equipped for service, and in charge of a lieutenant comman der and a skeleton crew. Besides there are undergoing repairs the Ore gon and Wisconsin three Pacific bat tleships altogether out of our total force in service or building of 28. Six of our ten newest armored cruisers are on the Pacific list, but these are by no means equivalent, ship for ship, to the armor-clads of the line of battle. Bos ton Transcript. HAWAII AND THE JAPANESE. Another anti-Japanese yarn knocked into a cocked hat. Says Governor Car ter of Hawaii: "There is no antii-Japanese feeling in Hlawaii. Twenty-five per cent of the children in the territor ial schools are Japanese, studying side by side with the whites, and there has never been even an intimation of a dem ostration. I regard the Japanese as de sirable." And yet It was only the other day the discovery was made that the Japanese were overrunning Hawaii; that the bulk of them had seen service in the war with Russia; that a mili tary organization was feared, and that the government at Washington might hear any day that the islands had beer, seized by and were in possession of a fighting Japanese force. It may be that Governor Carter does not know the conditions at home. He is only the governor, whose duty . It Is to know. Washington Star. ORATORY AND STIMULANTS. When a member of the Belgian par liament is making a long speech the government furnishes his hearers with brandy, so that they may be able to stand the strain. We think our scheme of permitting our statesmen to retir to the cloakrooms while orators are in action Is a better one. Chicago Record Herald. DIFFERENT. This story from Oklahoma has an air of probability: A young man, steady and industrious, found a young wom an's name and address written on a box of black berries shipped from a distant county. He did not start a correspondence and they were not mar ried. Portland Advertiser. the Answer. After months of discussion the New York World acknowledges that its query. "What Is a Democrat?" has not been satisfactorily answered. Mr. Bry an might have furnished the solution for the problem had it not been for his modesty. Youngstown Telegram. AS IT LOOKS TO FO RARER. . "The Democratic party and the Re publican HRDLw-hetFlegroTTs," says Watson's Jeffersonian Weekly. Exact ly so; that Is the way it appears to Senator Foraker. Washington Herald. FROM OTHER PENS r 1 A CRY OF THE TIMES. , It isn't the war talk" that frpta me. The times am reading the news; It isn't the Weather that gets me Into such a state of the blues; It isn't the trusts they're a bubble And not worth a tear of my grief; I'll tell you the cause of my trouble: They've boosted the price of my beef. It Isn't the tariff that worries. It isn't the state of the crops; It isn't the stock market flurries What odds if price rises or drops? It isn't the peach crop that galls me, It isn't Just plain discontent, I'll tell you the woe that befalls me. The landlord is raising my rent. It Isn't that I am a kicker, It isn't I'm out of a Job, It isn't a craving for liquor. It isn't for praise of the mob; It isn't I'm given to yearning For clothes of fine linen and silk. The secret of ail 111 v heArUburainar! They've increased the price of my milk. It isn't because I'm not wealthy. It isn't because of my wofk; It isn't because I'm not healthy. It isn't because I would shirk; It isn't because I'm not getting Of these worldly goods a big slice; The reason of all of this fretting: They've doubled the price of my ice. It Isn't a panic Impending, It isn't some grief that Is past; It isn't a fear of the ending- Of good times so good they won't last: It isn t the break of some bubble. My worrk's of something far worse; Iif.Jeliyou the source of my trouble: The times are too good for my purse' 1 New York Times. A Shrewd Artist. ...l window of a Broadway store that has been vacant for several months was occupied one day last , ' ,"' - i vmung or a light ly clad woman and unnrtin. The picture was labelled "For Sale" it was a snowy canvas, and ntn - sons out of ten who passed that way stopped to look at It. A surm-islngiv arge- number stepped into the store to inn J?.1?0 the hiStory of the Plcture fh Jw tormS f 8ale- Before night the picture was sold. The next day another took its place, only to be fol iu 'tAf dUv,r,"l8: the week bv e others, "whr'hiHh fOUnd readv Purchasers: WM des the artist Intend to move tho rest of his stock in and fit up the entire store?" asked a curious caller. thrif?,8Ii't g?ing to move in" tinned the attendant who was the sole occu pant of the store. "He isn't going to S,J1P" . ?e ,S",'t 'rolnfir to show any more pictures down here. He has a studio up town. Those pictures he has had on exhibition here were old ones that he s had on hand a long while. He found it impossible to sell them In the regular way. Nobody would even look at them. One day he saw the possibilities of this empty window He rented it Just the window at so much a day. The big canvases created such a sensation down here in a win dow all by themselves that they brought excellent prices from people who wouldn't have given them a sec ond glance in a regular exhibition room." New York Sun. Men's Corset Bills. Since corsets are generally regarded as exclusively destined for feminine wear, it may come as a surprise to many readers to learn that the annual corset bill of many a smart man is much larger than that of the average smart woman. This is, nevertheless, a fact. A leading corsetiere who supplies most of them puts down a good cus tomer's bill at f 150 a year.-Let no one imagine that it is only fops who wear The majority of wearers are mili tary men, who, I learn, require a great er amount of padding than civilians. Others are ordinary well dressed men given to manly sports, and by no means effeminate. A man's figure has to be gradually coaxed into shape and is first of all put into a soft silk corset with scarce ly any bones, until he attains by de grees to the full glory of the perfect figure. This process usually takes three months, and five special makes of corsets are employed in the de velopment, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say the "repression" of the figure. Pall Mall Magazine. Free Lesson.1 in Bandaging. Almost any window demonstrator is oapaDie or drawing a large crowd, but the one that holds his audience long est is the man who gives practical les sons in first aid to the injured. All day long he stands in the window of a Broadway drug store, and exDlaina to a curious public the curative properties 01 certain prepared linens and plasters. Upon his arm he inflicts imaginary cuts and bruises, which he proceeds to bandage in the way best calculated to check the flow of Imaginary blood. Somehow this exhibition of scientific surgery exercises a powerful fascina tion on the minds of the unskilled passer-by. -Gravely they stand around watching the winding and unwinding of sanitary bandages and the applica tion of healing ointments. The demon stration is Intended as an advertise ment of medical preparations, but no doubt the observers gain many prac tical points in the treatment of wounds, New York Press. Should Woman Bo Truthful? It is no exaggeration to say that a more or less truthful woman is looked upon with grave suspicion. What is more, nobody believes her. If she quite truthfully pronounces her age to be 29, everybody at once says then she must be at least 35; while If she should ever be cajoled into admitting the number of proposals she had in her youth it will only con firm the popular Impression that she had been lucky to catch a husband at all. Ladies' Field. POINTED PARAGRAPHS. From the Chicago News. J A womanly woman has no earthly use for a ladies' man. Some people even pride themselves on their Jack of pride. You can't always Judge what a mar. was by what his monument is. It's human nature to want to fly a little higher than your neighbor. Too many men attempt to make an arc light show on a kerosene Income. What a different world this would be If we all piacticed what we preach! Men who are bald always sneer at the man who parts his hair In the middle. Never Judge the sweetness of a wo man by the sound of her voice over the phone. It Is often safer to follow your own in tuition than the advice of a disinter ested friend. Wher you hear a woman talking about her ideal husband It's a sign she Is a widow. Most people are willing to lend a hand if they think there is a chance of bor rowings two a little later. If a man tries to do business without advertising or winks at a girl In the dark, the result is much t ha same. It's easy to predict weither in ad vance, but when it comes to making it stay predicted well, that's another story. THE EVENING STORY Audrey's Aphasia. (By Epes W. Sargent) It had been rubbing it in to ask Dick Fitzgerald to act as one of the ushers at the Craven-Mountford wed ding. Dick had been in love with Audrey Craven long before Sir Henry Mountford had come across the water in search of a bride and a bank ac count. Mrs. Craven had shrewdly argued that with Dick acting as one of the ushers she would put a stop to the last t-hred of gossip. For several years their friends had looked for the an nouncement of Dick's engagement to Audrey, and the new turn of affairs had not met with popular approval. If Dick was an usher he might seem to give countenance ,to the alliance. No one blamed Audrey for the en gagement. Mrs. Craven, had Bhe been a man, would have achieved credit as a ward bosd. In her feminine sphere she hectored her family, the charit able societies of which she was in variably the president, and even the rector of St. Jude's recognized God, Mrs. Craven and the bishop ta that or der. When sir Wenrv was srraciously pleased to accept Mrs. Craven's diplo matic overtures their set had regarded Dick's fate as sealed and, with a mur mured "Poor Audrey," gave their at tention to other affairs. The announce ment that TUfit was to be one of the ushers brought forth an additional "Poor Dick." but he rather enjoyed his duties, as, standing on the steps of St. Jude's, he explained to the wedding guests that the service was postponed owing to the absence of Miss Craven. "We only know what word was sent up from the house," he assured Mrs. Ponders. "Miss Craven went out to visit Nell Testra last night. She left so early that no escort seemed necessary, but she did not return home. No one knows what happened. Mrs. Craven Is prostrated. Sir Henry? I understand he Is taking it very badly." He bowed her away and turned to the next comer. There had been no time to recall the invitations and the six ushers were'too busy to give more than passing attention to any one per son. - Sir Henry was taking It very badly Indeed. He was storming up and down th loner hall of the Craven home, and bat ween disappointment and' wounded pride the floodgates of speech were opened and his language would have done credit to a stable boy. Mrs. Craven shut herself into the li brary long before he had concluded his remarks, and the stolid butler, aid ed by the coachman, ejected Sir Henry from tho house to the huge delight of the reporters who had vainly besieged the front door for the last hour or so. Mrs. Craven took to her bed and vowed that a daughter of hers should never marry Into the British nobility, while Carver Craven hurried down to the police station to ask that a general alarm be sent out. Nothing came of this action-, and, af ter a couple of days, the papers dropped the sensation. Dick was dis tracted. Two days before the cere mony Audrey had assured him that things would turn out all right and told him not t6 worry, but her long silence argued that she had not been able to make things go as she had planned, and that she had killed her self rather than marry a man sher did not love. In the hope of distracting his mind the senior Fitzgerald intrusted him with a commission in Chicago, and Dick, elad to get away for a few days, took the train, after exacting a prom ise that he should be informed by wire of any development. The trip seemed Interminable, but at last he reached town and established himself at a hotel: He could not see tho people he wanted until the follow ing morning, and to aispei nis toneu ness he hunted up Jim Dalton. Dalton and he had been chums In the college days before Dalton had rone West to study medicine. He was Interne In one of the hospitals now, and after dinner Dick and he went out. "Want to see the animals?" asked his chum after the first flood of ques tions had been asked and answered. Dick shook his head. "I'd rather talk," he said. "I'm in no mood to look upon suffering. "We've got on celebrated case.' said Dalton proudly. "Been In the pa pers almost a week now. A ripping prettv girl with aphasia. Doesn't know who she Is or where she came from or where she wants to go. The funny part Is that she suffers none of the causes of the disease." Dick smiled. "It must be pleasant to forget everything sometimes," he said. "You couldn't lnnoculate me, could you?" "I never knew that It was Infec tious." said Dalton. "Still you might try it in the interest of science. She usually comes In for a chat In the evening. She likes to talk about her ease. She knows as much about the disease as I do. He rank the bell and a trim nurse appeared. "Will you ask Miss Smith to come in if she has not yet retired," he said, and he turned to Dick. "I'll have to lnroduce you as a re porter," he said. "She's not like the average charity patient in a clinic, you know. It's evident that she is gently bred and she might resent being on ex hibition." Dick nodded, but when the door opened to admit the patient he scan dalized the physician by Jumping up and clasping the girl In his arms. To Dalton's further amazement the patient did not appear to resent the ca ress, and It was not until he stood be side them that they appeared to re member his presence. Then they sep arated, the girl blushing a rosy red. "The sight of Mr. Fitzgerald has re called me," she said In explanation. "I am Audrey Audrey Craven, am I not?" she asked. Dick nodded. "I remember now," she went on. "I was to be married to Sir Henry. Where is Sir Henry, Dick ?" "Home," said Fitzgerald, beamingly. "Sailed the other day. He was kicked out of the house for cursing at your mother." "But you said you lived here In Chi cago?" interrupted Dalton. "We never thought of inquiring in New York." "I thought I did," she answered. In nocently. "What a lot of trduble I must have made. Was mother much worried, Dick?" Dick smiled grimly. She was more angry than worried; angry that the best match of the season (from her point of view) was spoiled. "She Is very anxious." he admitted. "She thought you were a runaway. The detectives trailed me for a couple of .days." "The Idea." she said with a laugh, "and here I was all the time trying to find out who I was." " v Dalton produced a stack of press cHppintrs about her case. "We were going to make a scrap book." he ex plained. "I suppose Miss Carver will want to take them home now." "If you could spare them." she said j sweetly. "I should love to hare them." "And I'll telegraph your mother," went on the physician. "What is the address? It's funny that you were a friend of Dick's. We were In the same class in college." "It is odd," agreed Audrey. "Dick will wire mother. I suppose I shall have to wait until she comes on." "I'm going back tomorrow night,", he suggested. "What's the matter with getting married and making It a honeymoon trip?" Dalton, scenting a romance, second ed the suggestion, and presently a min ister, visiting a patient, read the mar riage service to them In the . doctor's office, with Dalton and the head nurse acting as witnesses. The following evening they sat In the stateroom of the Pullman east bound. "It was very nice of mother to take It so well," said Audrey com fortably. "How could she do otherwise when every paper had the story of our mar riage?" he laughed. "She had to make the best of it." Audrey patted the bulky envelope of clippings that lay on the seat beside her. "Don't you think that was better than simply running away from home?" she asked. "It avoided all scandal." "You mean that you didn't have aphasia?" he gasped. Audrey nodded. "I had to do some thing," she explained, "and a mere runaway seemed so vulgar. I think I did it very well." "Blessed child." said Dick tenderly. "You are the most wonderful wife ever bestowed upon man." (Copy righted, 1907, by E. C. Parcells.) humor or the day Knlcker Carnegie says he wishes he could invent a method by which both bulls and bears would lose in Wall street. Knocker Why not give the Stock Ex change a library? New York Sun. "Papa, what year was mamma born in?" "In 1S60, Willie. Her birthday's in Feb ruary." "That would make her 47 years old. "Ahem! Post. Not necessarily." Denver Captain John Smith was stammering his gratitude. "Don't mention it," returned Pocahontas, "I had to get in the James town Exposition." Once again was mere man's estimate of his Importance taken aback. New York Sun. "Say. didn't you tell me when you sold me that dog that he was a bird dog?" "Yes. that's what I said." "Well, you swindled me. That dog won't hunt." "I didn't say he would hunt. He's a bird dog. Cook the birds for him. That's the way he likes them best." Roseleaf. Associate What line of defense do you think we ought to adopt? Leading Counsel (for defendant) I am undecided. Of course, we can aet up th plea of Insanity In his case, but I am In clined to think it would be better for ua to take the broad ground that he has the artistic temperament. Chicago Tribune. "The President distributes the plums, X believe?" "Quite so." "What are Secretary Loeb's func tions?" "He hands out the lemons. "Pittsburg Post. "Father." said little Willie Quis, "what Is expert testimony?" . . "Expert testimony, my son. Is a sort of legal umbrella that is hoisted to shield a man from the effects of a brainstorm." Washington Star. Courageous Pedestrian Officer, I pro test against that man's arrest. What was his offense? The Cop Aw, he was drlvln' his auto at only 20 miles an hour, an' delaying the machines behind him. Puck. "Where are you going, my pretty maid?" "I'm going a-biklng. sir," she said. "There's no bell on your bike, my pretty maid." "When I mount there will be one, sir," she said. Tit-Bits. "Do you regard Grafton as a man of much depth?" "Judging from the amount of stuff he drank at the banquet the other night I should say his depth was equal to that of an ordinary cistern." Chicago- Record Herald. GLOBE SIGHTS. From the Atchison Globe. You hear of germs In everything ex cept whisky and beer. It Is extremely difficult to locate tho origin of a long distance accusation. Say you are a man: evar buy a shirt that the sleeves were not too long? Some men waste enough time ex plaining their failures to insure their success. The town Isn't always to blame when a man makes a failure of his busi ness. It Is beyond some men to under stand the difference between pomposity and dignity. In the bright lexicon of boyhood, there is no such word as "smile;" he calls it "grin." You can borrow trouble without se curity, but you have to pay a pretty heavy rate of Interest. When a man follows his statements with, "You understand?" It's a fairly safe bet that you don't. A hero looks like a coward compar ed with the courage a boy feels when he first kills a snake. The young man who uses scented stationery, might as well have long curly hair, and play a mandolin. Order Is heaven's first law, but It Is the unwritten and unheard of law In a good many homes here on earth. The haunted house which has the greatest terror for the good house keeper, is one that Is haunted by flies. It is only a question of time until the man who depends on luck will be depending on his kin or on the county. The dog has a great deal to be thankful for In the fact that boys never get their hands on gallon-slsed cans. As soon as a farmer quits worrying about the corn crop, he begins to fig ure on an early frost cutting down tho yield. What has become of the old-fashioned man who said to a red-nosed maa: "If you don't drink, take In your sign!' whoti a countryman attends a dance he saya the next morning: "I feel as though 1 naa Deen tnrousn uu"""'s machine." At 20, a man la apt to envy the man who Is rich, but by the time he reach Mi 50 his envy Is all of the man wh has perfect health. Every man would have a pretty fair reputation If people looked for M0? qualities as carefully as they look for the good qualities of a dog. A boy undresses to go in wunuiius mi that suggests hurrying to a fire and comes out and dresses to go home as if he were starting for church. - what has become of the old-fashion ed boy who held his father up for near ly everything. he wanted by promising not to smoke until after passing 21?