The Topeka state journal. [volume], January 16, 1908, LAST EDITION, Page 4, Image 4

About The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980

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4
THE TOPEKA DAILY STATE JOURNAL THURSDAY EVENING, JANUARY 16, 1908.
toperv mm J01M1L
By FRANK P. MAO LENNAK.- -
Entered July t 1S75. as second-class
M&ii.cr at in6 poBtomce ... ..
MPdei the act of congress.
TOLUME XXXV.
..No. 14
Official State Paper.
Official Paper City of Topeka.
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION.
Daily edition, delivered by carrier. 10
vents a weK to any part 01 iui"--,
uburbs. or at the same price In any Ktn
tu towns where the paper has a carrier
system.
By mall, one year 3 J9
By mall, three months
Saturday edition of dally, one year.... l.w
TELEPHONES.
Business Office
Business Office
Reporters' Room
Reporters Room
Frank P. MacLennan
Bell 107
Ind. 107
I.. ..Ind. 700
PERMANENT HOME.
Topeka State Journal building-. and
02 Kansas avenue, corner of Eighth.
New York Office: Flatlron building, at
Twenty-third street, corner Fifth avenue
and Broadway. Paul Block, manager.
Chicago Office: Hartford building. Paul
Slock, manager.
FULL, LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRKSS.
The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka
The news is reeelvea in The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sola pur
pose. Not only has General J. W. F.
Hughes been honored by an election
to the secretaryship of the National
Guard association. It Is a compliment
to the state and its citizen soldiers at
the head of whom is this genial gentle
man. ,
Even though there is no danger, or
was there everany prospect of one with
Japan, Secretary Taft thinks rightly
that the sending of the battleship fleet
to the Pacific will have a wholesome
effect on all orientals for they reason
through their eyes.
Stubbs and Bailey are now engaged
In a controversy over the question of
the use of railroad money in the cam
paign conducted by Stubbs four years
ago. This question will soon rival, be
cause of the indefinite determination
of it, the famous "Who struck Billy
Patterson ?"
Nevada is in the same boat with
Kansas. Each has a special session of
the legislature on its hand's. In the
case of Nevada, however, there was
a real emergency for one. But in
Kansas oh what's the use of hol
lering. Let's bear this and other bur
dens with a smile.
Perhaps New York is sore because
Kansas has so many of the biggest
things in the world, including the
Bible class at Parsons, because plans
have been formed there to establish a
restaurant which will have a seating
capacity of eight thousand persons at
one time. It will cover a whole city
block and have dining rooms on the
ground floor and on the roof.
With each succeeding speech Mr.
Stubbs continues his efforts to inject
national issues into the campaign for
the Republican nomination for gover
nor. So one cannot help thinking that
he still has In his mind's eye the United
States senatorship and intends to use
the governor's office, if he should get
it, as merely a preliminary stepping
stone to the satisfaction of his am
bitions. Cries of distress are going up from
all the big centers of population. They
are teeming with hundreds, yes thou
sands of the unemployed and many of
whom are homeless. Soup houses are
being established in many cities.
There is no mistaking: the fact now
that hard times followed the financial
panic and money stringency, but
luckily they are not prevalent in this
section of the country.
Jane Noria, the dramatic soprano
of the San Carlos grand opera com
pany which will be in Chicago soon,
has set a new record for the duration
of a stage kiss. Her osculation, last
ing 295 seconds or almost five minuter.
Is twelve times as long as the kiss with
which Mary Garden, the grand opera
prima donna, recently agitated New
York. A few of those Noria kisses
would certainly go a long ways.
There seems to be justice in the
petition filed with the interstate com
merce commission which seeks a re
duction in the Pullman car rates
throughout the country of twenty-five
per cent and the fixing of the rate for
upper berths at one-half of the charge
lor lower berths. It Is estimated that
every car used by the company pays
ior itself once every two years. This
Is more than a reasonable profit and
the rates should be lowered.
Fourteen thousand bills have been In
troduced in both branches of congress
o far this session. This number ought
to keep the members and the senators
tolerably busy. But thousands of them
will never be so much as glanced at
except by those who Introduced them
and the likelihood is that the introduc
ers do not know the nature of many
of the measures presented by them and
will never take the trouble to enlighten
themselves as to their contents.
The unkind remark is made by the
State Journal that the members of the
legislature are limited to 30 days' pay
for an extra session.. Somehow every
body takes a shot at a member of the
legislature whether, he Is going or
coming. Hutchinson News. If all of
the members of the legislature were of
the same sterling caliber as the editor
of the Hutchinson News so many
merited unkind remarks about the
Kansas legislators would not be float
ing around.
Some interesting reading has be
come public property through the or
der of a New York court compelling
the distinguished or rather extin
guished senator from New York,
ThxwMW Collier Piatt to turn over ail
letters and papers exchanged between
Mae Wood ami himself which would
have any bearing on the suit for di
vorce she has instituted against the
senile gentleman. Mr. Piatt denies
that he and the Wood woman were
ever married. He cannot be blamed
for making this denial. If they were
married he Is liable to arrest for
bigamy for he married another woman
since the date of the alleged Wood
marriage and from whom he was
separated about a year ago.
THE SPECIAL: SESSION.
A special session of the Kansas legis
lature convened this afternoon in ac
cordance with the mandate of Governor
E. W. Hoch and It is the duty of the
legislators, who have assembled at the
state's capitol, to proceed with the ut
most dispatch in the transaction of the
business that is before them. At the
rame time they; should use the utmost
care in the framing of the legislation
that will come up for thoir considera
tion because it will involve matters of
the gravest importance to the people
and the business interests of the state.
It is regrettable that the constitution
of Kansas does not limit, as do the
constitutions of most states, the scope
of the legislation which may be consid
ered at a special session to the issues
which are presented to the legislature
by the governor. But It Is not believed
that the members are of a general dis
position to take up for consideration
all sorts of matters that are incident
to a regular session. Kansas was never
in better condition than she now is.
She is well fixed with laws and the
legislators would probably do more
harm than good if they started in to
tinker with them.
When Governor Hoch convened the
special session he issued a statement
setting forth what he believed to be the
necessities for it. These include the
enactment of legislation providing for a
state wide primary of the direct sort.
a bill for the guaranteeing- or insurance
of deposits in the state banks, and the
amendment of the tax law in the chief
particular of limiting the levies that
may be made by the taxing bodies of
the state under the increased assessed
valuation of property which will prevail
under the new law. And it would seem
that the legislators would be doing the
proper thing if they would limit their
attentions to these measures and other
minor ones which the governor may
suggest in his message.
There Is but once course to be pur
sued in regards to the primary question.
Provision for nominations for every
state office by a direct vote of the peo
ple should be made and the law should
be made effective so that It will go into
operation Immediately and do away with
the state conventions for this year
which have been called already. In all
likelihood there will be something of a
fight over this primary legislation but
it would seem futile for the legislators
to adopt any kind of a primary law
except one of the direct sort. Governor
Hoch would certainly veto any hybrid
measure and the work of the legislators
would go for naught in this respect.
It would seem to be a good plan to di
vorce the primary for the United States
cenatorships from the regular state
primary and Have it held on the same
day as the regular election in the fall.
It could be held at this time without
much additional expense and In holding
it then it would not be necessary to
inject national politics into the cam
paigns for state nomination as would
eurely be the case if the U. S. senator
ship primaries were held at the same
time as the state primaries.
From interviews which have been
published there seems to be a wide
divergence of views among the mem
bers of the legislature as to the form
the bank guaranty deposit law should
take. Several plans have been sug
gested and the matter should be given
the most careful consideration so that
this legislation will take a form that
will not only protect the bank deposi
tors but also be equitable to the various
banking interests in the state. There
does not teem to be much controversy
over the new tax law. It is looked
upon as a great step in advance and
such amendments as are needed to it
can probably be made in short order
and with unanimity.
On calling the extra session Governor
Hoch announced that it was a signifi
cant fact lhat in all his correspondence
on the subject not a single suggestion
had been received as to the necessity
for railroad legislation of any sort be
ing taken up by the legislators at this
time. And no railroad legislation is
needed. To be sure a session of the
Kansas legislature without railroad
legislation will be something of
a great novelty for heretofore the rail
roads have furnished a great amount
of fruit for legislative activity. But,
as s-tated, no railroad legislation is now
needed nor should any be undertaken.
The relations between the railroads and
the people of Kansas are fast becoming
better and more friendly every day.
The people of the state are enjoying a
two cent fare and will continue to do
so unless the courts declare otherwise.
There are numerous unjust and ex
cessive freight rates now in force but
this matter has been taken up by the
board of railroad commissioners and
the matter should be left In their hands
to see how It will be worked out.
A direct primary, a bank deposit
guarantee law and amendments to the
tax law are the emergencies for which
Governor Hoch called the special ses
sion. It is the duty of the legislators
to handle these subjects and these
alone, except possibly some minor mat
ters that may be deemed necessary, in
a prompt and judicious manner. Their
doing so will merit the applause of
their constituents and a hearty "well
done" will be extended to them.
Another occasion is at hand which
will call forth a few thousand ex
tended editorials on the fool who yells
fire in a crowded building. They will
be in vain. Thousands have been
writtfn ' before on the same subject
and have done no good. And just as
long as humanity is as frail as it now
is the cry of fire will go up and' incite
panics on every possible occasion. It
is an almost unconscious cry from
those frenzied with fear and will ever
be sounded as long- as there are
cowards in the world. This is not an
encouraging thought but it Is none the
less true.
DONT FORGET THE TREASURER
There Is one matter which in the
hurry and excitement of the special
cession of the legislature should not be
overlooked. It is likely that a guar
anty bank deposit law will be passed.
If it is it wiU add materially to the
duties and responsibilities of the state
treasurer and it should provide for an
Increase in his compensation. The
state treasurer is now paid $2,500 a
year. The bank deposit law Increased
his responsibility but did not increase
his salary. He is personally responsi
ble for a million dollars In bonds de
posited by the banks. If a coupon is
lost he must make it good; an Irre
sponsible clerk might make a blunder
which would cost him more than the
'salary of his term. If he is to have
still more responsibilities he should
have a salary commensurate with his
duties. Tljis same argument would
not apply to the other state officers,
though no doubt their pay is smaller
than it should be and should be ulti
mately Increased. .
JOURNAL ENTRIES
Life is a good deal like a city full
of crooked streets.
It is far easier to conquer adversity
than it is to conquer prosperity.
w
Many wives are dear to their hus
bands merely to the amount of re
ceipted bills.
Travel abroad broadens some folks
only to the extent of the padding in
the clothes they wear back.
Girls take to the new game, diabolo,
so readily because they are never
happy unless they have something on
a string.
J A YHA WKER JOTS
A new rate sheet has been issued
by the barters of Waverly which
fixes a new -schedule of prices. An
additional nickel will be charged for
a neck shave. This goes to show that
Waverly is slowly but surely getting
abreast of the times.
An Atchison couple are insisting
that they are entitled to some fame.
They use to live neighbors to Wil
liam Jennings Bryan, and when their
daughter, who is now grown, was
small, the famous Nebraskan used to
hold her on his lap.
They're getting so real nice down
at Iola these days that the library
board has decided to take the notor
ious "Three Weeks" from the shelves.
Maybe the members of the board will
draw lots to see which one of them
shall gain permanent possession of it.
There was a real old fashioned
gathering one day last week at Frank
Haynes' farm near Sterling. Hia
neighbors gathered there to help him
shingle his barn. There were ten men
shingling on each side and they did
not get the work nearly done, 'mis
indicates that the barn is a large one.
There's a good deal of excitement
in Junction City just now. A young
man who had a new ring was showing
It with ereat pride to his friends wno
were gathered on a street corner. A
young woman stopped and also ad
mired it ror a moment. xnen sna
grabbed It and vamoosed. She has
the ring yet and the young man ha-
taken no steps to prosecute her for
theft. What's the answer?
Some weeks ago Miss Jean Barack-
man, singer at the Bijou theater in Al
liance, lost a five dollar bill either in
the hall or on the street. The other
day she received her money back in a
peculiar manner. She got a letter
containing a- brief note which was un
signed and also a five dollar bill. The
communication was to the effect that
the writer had found the bill, had had
immediate and imperative need to use
the money and It had not been pos
sible to return It at an earlier date.
D. A. Van Trine of Salina has a
puzzling question to solve. In that
town. Santa Fe and Iron avenues di
vide the four wards. Mr. Van Trine's
new house is located in the middle of
Iron avenue at the end of the street.
He is living within the city limits and
has a right to vote but part of his
house is in . the Second ward and part
in the Third, so he doesn't know in
which one to case his vote. As the
folks In Salina are not overscrupulous
about most things, it is suggested to
Mr. Van Trine that he vote in both
wards.
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchison Globe.
Expect to be occasionally called names
you don't deserve.
Common sense and romance have a fac
ulty of pulling in opposite directions.
A woman who can be "worked" to en
tertain, can be "worked" by an agent.
The beneficiary is never the one who
complains of the cost of life Insurance.
There oueht to be a law providing that
a man cannot be punished for robbing a
law;-r.
A great many people have been injured
by gossip, but we never heard of it doing
anyone gooa.
The best way to meet any difficulty Is to
refuse to talk. But so few men can keep
their mouths shut.
If you attend to your work and let your
enemy alone, some one else will come
along some day and do him up for you.
A thoroughbred is a man who buys pic
tures of actresses, and claims they were
given to him by the parties they repre
sent. If a man had everything else to suit
him except just one thins, he would be as
unhappy over that as ail the usual ills
put together.
The greatest humiliation a man can suf
fer, we believe, is to become dependent
upon his son-in-law, whom he at first
started up in business.
One can easily tell at an evening enter
tainment which courses are married, and
which re not. Before marriage the gen
tleman fans the lady; after marriage she
fans him. -
"Don't you think that air pretty?" an
Atchison music teacher asked a. pupil's
mother, after rattling off something
showy. "That are what?" gravely replied
the pupil's mother.
When a man opens up a conversation
over the telephone it is in a tone that is
mild and real ladylike, but .the other end
of the line falls to hear him, and his con
versation ends la a roar.
A circus man plays everyone with whom
he comes In contact for a chump, and If
he stays with him long enough he will
prove his theory. Some men can not be
caught with circus lemonade, but most of
them will stpy for the concert.
"Hereafter," said a man who is about to
move to a new town. "I intend to culti
vate the fools. I began life with the de
termination to cultivate sensible men as
much as possible, but they are so rare,
and fools ere so numerous, that I have
not done well. I now realize my mistake,
and in the future shall accept even spirit
ualism as cumrngQ sense.
KANSAS COMMENT
TO SAVE DEPOSITORS.
There has been a great deal of talk
in this country about a national law
to secure depositors of national banks.
Congress was slow In acting, and
Governor Haskell of Oklahoma, being
a man who does things, induced the
legislature of the new state to pass
such a law to govern state banks.
Now Kansas seems to be about ready
to follow the lead of Oklahoma. The
Oklahoma law is based on the theory
that while some banks do fail and do
not pay their depositors, the banks of
the state which do not fail are able
to make good the losses of the ones
that do fail.
Kansas will probably have a law
to secure depositors who put their
cash in the state banks. Probably a
fund will be raised for the purpose
by collecting ah assessment from all
the banks, and when the Bank of
Turkey Creek fails this fund will be
used to pay the losses of the Turkey
Creek institution. The fund after be
ing raised will probably be deposited
in, say, the Jimpson State bank of
Topeka. Just what would happen if
the Jimpson bank should fail can not
now be told because the plan does not
include the possibility of the Jimpson
bank failing.
Some able financier is liable to
make answer that the Jimpson bank
would be made to give security for
the safe keeping of the fund. Then
why not compel the Turkey Creek
bank to secure its owYi depositors for
about the average amount the sus
pended banks usually come short?
The principle , underlying this plan to
secure bank depositors is a great dis
covery. If the same principle were applied
to wholesale and retail merchants,
nobody outside would ever lose a cent.
All that would ever be required in
case of the failure of a wholesaler or
a retailer would be to draw enough
out of the reserve fund to make good
the losses. Wichita Eagle.
THE MAN'S THE THING.
The New York World advances a3
an argument in favor of Governor
Johnson's presidential candidacy that
he is the son of an immigrant. He Is
also the son of a drunkard. But the
latter will count no more against him
than the former will for him. The peo
ple of this country do not elect presi
dents because of whose sons they are
but because of the men themselves.
Governor Johnson seems to be a man
of unusual force and ability and if
nominated by the Democrats he will be
voted for on his merits and neither for
or against because his father happened
to be both an immigrant and a drunk
ard. Hutchinson News.
WORDS OF WISDOM.
ent political row in Kansas is a con
test between the Long and Stubbs
moxiiinoii' tb usual fleht between the
Ins and Outs. Atchison Globe.
LUCKY DOGS.
rtiAtnMoi Aner crnpiz tn the res
taurant, eats, and has the meal charged
to his owner. In other words the Cin
cinnati dog has almost as big a snap
as the foreigner who marries an Amerl- ;
can heiress Salina Journal. .
WOMEN AS COUNCILLORS.
nioolrtn nn which ladidd
have been eligible, to -Fit as municipal
councillors their success at the polls
has hardly been as pronounced as
some of those who have worked so
hard to secure them the right were
inclined to anticipate. Still, when it
is considered that only spinsters or
widows could stana, arm 1110.1. m o.
eral instances boroughs were being
j i - 1 1 onH f 11 1 1 v trusted
servea uy wen 1-
members of long standing, there is
perhaps no reason to feel otherwise
than satisfied.
Notable among those who have
been returned is Miss Dove, who head-
. . ,1 t 1 1 .-Y. Wvnnmit. fsn IS
ea tne pun at 'wv-
an advanced educationalist, who tor
some years past nas oeeii u
tress of Wycombe Abbey school, with
about 200 young ladies in residence
under her care.
,,- Gi-.lr.ner success is that of
Miss Merivale at Oxford. She is a
daughter of the late Dean Merivale,
. onA hor candidature en-
Joyed the support of many leading
m -. ....nr.lfir una will
members 01 ire umvwu,. .
take her seat as an Independent, and
education is a strong point with her.
.... 1 . T.rminentlv in the
A Ilia, lUUi & '
campaign of Miss Sutton, who was re
turned unopposed at
Woodward at Bewdley, was also
spared the troubles of any contest, as
was Mrs. Garrett Anderson at Alden
burgh. In Scotland the ladies were
leas successful. Four came forward
, v.i on returned. It is
ana iruno n". " .
significant that Lady Steel was reject-
ed at juainDurs", "j -----
among the most militant of suffragists,
even to "passive resistance as to pay
in her rates and taxes, and the re
buke may be taaen iu ira" j
who think noisy methods are approved
w the maioritv of their sisters. Lon-
dan Telegraph.
CURSE OF EXTRAVAGANCE.
After acute reflection Stuyvesant
Fish finds that "extravagance is chief
ly responsible for the various periods
of hard times through which the coun
try passes." He is sure that extrava
gance on the part of everybody
rich and poor and moderately well on!
is the great weakness of the Ameri
can nation." ...
Mr. Fish does not ask everybody to
do as he says, but by example shows
the people that the simple life is the
best for all. His primitive tastes are
seen to much advantage In the Cross
ways, a modest Newport cottage, cost
ing less than $2,000,000. For the sup
port of good music and to give Met
ropolitan audiences a treat by the dis
play of beautiful and bejeweled wom
en in the Diamond Horseshoe Mr.
Fish holds a box at the opera. A New
York town house, modeled after the
palace of the Doges, is another unpre
tentious example of Mr. Fish's frugal
desires. His economic conscience can
not bear the thought of wasting hea-sy
dues on a large number of clubs, so
he Is a member of only the Lnlon.
the St. Anthonv, the Downtown, the
Metropolitan, the St. Nicholas, the
Automobile of - America, the Riding,
the Southern, the Colony, the Colum
bia university and the Flayers'. His
private car is not the finest in the
world and he probably has fewer than
100 servants.
Now, if the average spendthrift
American citizen will deny himself
the unnecessaries Just as Stuyvesant
Fish does the country will soon re
cover from its embarrassment. Mr.
Fish is no doubt ready to make even
greater sacrifices in the interest of the
movement against American extrava
gance. We imagine he will go at least
as far as the individual who was urged
to quit his life of dissipation. "Give
up wine, women and song." said his
friend. "All right"- replied the unre
generate one, "I'll .begin at once by
swearing off song." New York, Press.
FROM OTHER PENS
THE BUTTONLESS SHIRT.
7 The OJUttonless shirt
.11
la patented now; ,
A man in Chicago
Has built one somehow.
This man in Chicago,
To show be was hurt.
Has risen to patent ;
A buttonless shirt.
How oft we have sworn.
At the break of the day.
When we've found, as we dressed.
To our utter dismay,
That the only clean shirt
That was left us to wear
Of clear, pearly buttons
Its bosom was bare.
No new-fangled thing
Is the buttonless shirt;
We've had it for years, '
Every man will assert.
To the laundry they're sent
With the buttons still on;
But when they come back
All the buttons are gone.
The buttonless shirt
We've worn at and cursed;
We ve torn it and worn it
And called it the worst
Of terrible names.
But here I assert:
Who d think the world patent
The buttonless shirt?
Detroit Free Press.
Patholosry of Nerves.
According to an estimate often cit
ed, the best man is below his neck
worth not more than two dollars a
day. As a man above hla neck is lit
tle more than a great nerve center, or
collection of nerve centers, the value
of the nerve part of him seems to so
far overtop all the rest that in prac
tical valuation a man is a nervous sys
tem and praeterea nihil. The service
ableness of his stomach depends on
the responsiveness of its nerves. He
can not grasp an ax or tune a fiddle
if the nerve centers are out of order.
Intellect is a thing purely of nerves.
Muscle Is dead tissue without them.
Naturally, the study of nerve action
tends to become the highest branch of
medical science. It is of significance
that New York is contemplating a
large hospital devoted to neurological
practice and research. The pathology
of nerves is the pathology of sanity
and bodily health, not all of it, but
touching all other fields of diagnosis
and remedy.
A neurological hospital, sufficiently
endowed and manned by specialists,
will have an effect in collecting great
numbers of cases, giving them the ben
efit of practiced skill and placing
them under trained observation for
the benefit of science all over the
world. Philadelphia Ledger.
Fate of an Indian Wizard.
Carrying the curse of a wizard, hated
by men of Ms blood, and an outcast
like the Ishmaelite of old, a red man
has died in the wilderness of the Yu
kon by the hand of one of his kind.
Such is the tale of murder which mail
advices bring from the Upper Pelly
district. The story is that the wizard,
so called, hfl Inrn .-..oil V. 1. r
the Pelly Indians, and the tribes be
lieved he was possessed of a devil, a
superstition common among .the In
dian's of Canada's hinterland. He had
POm tO th(m TTl (IT-IT. tmkna n n
the Mackenzie side of the Pelly river
and had followed them from place to
place until his ways had seemed to
brinff them bnri liirlr in ,..,. h.Tn.t
trading, and domestic affairs. Bob
ncimciBuii, wno arrived recently at
Dawson from the Pelly district, brought
the story, and says it was told to the
whites by an aged squaw, who said
uem-inan naa incurred the enmity
of one of the Pelly tribesmen, and that
the Pelly man murdered the wizard.
The murder was committed near the
Ross river, n. dlstrlot
owing to winter. The Indians seemed
to be more nleased than lUetiioo.
over the murder and reported the af-
"' - iiuveny ratner man from a
desire to have the slayer brought to
justice. New York Times.
Wild Boar a Hard Fighter.
For sheer deviltry and insane
ferocity the boar stands pre-eminent,
and for courage he has no equal
among animals. A wild board charg
ing has been known to bring an ele
phant down on Its knees, and one well
authenticated fight is recorded be
tween a boar and a full-grown tiger,
In which the boar more than held Its
own. Tigers have the greatest re
spect for wild boars and treat them
accordingly.
In matter of speed the horse has
not yet been foaled which can catch
a boar in its first burst. I have seen
a man on a thoroughbred Arab try to
cut out a boar in breaking back to
cover, and the boar literally walked
around him. Recreation.
Goose Hunter Uses Phonograph.
Ace? Goodhill, of Millsboro, Del.,
is having wonderful success grinning
for wild geese on the Indian river with
the aid of a modern phonograph.
His method Is to set the machine,
loaded with "honk-honk" in the bow
of the boat, and then, when the geese
answer the call, to pick them off. The
geese fly to the slaughter, he says and
he had to shoot so fast that a rest was
necessary to cool his gun., He says
he brought in a boatful, and now fears
that the next legislature will pass a
law forbidding the use of phono
graphs. Philadelphia Record.
London'9 First Balloon.
Tremendous excitement was caused when
London's first balloon went up nearly a
century and a quarter ago. The balloon,
manned by a young Italian named Vin
cent Lunardi, ascended from Moorfields,
then an open space of ground, on Septem
ber 15. 17S4, in the presence of more than
100,000 spectators. All business was sus
pended, the king himself setting the ex
ample by adjourning a cabinet council
that happened to be sitting. Vast crowds
followed the balloon's course, some on
horseback, In carts, in chaises, but mostly
on foot. The Great North road, above
which the aeronaut sailed for gome dis
tance, was a roaring river of humanitv.
Many were hurt in the crush, but the
only fatality recorded was the death from
fright of an old country woman, who,
coming out of her cottage to see what
the excitement was about, beheld the bal
loon just above her head. On the other
hand Lunardi undoubtedly saved one
man's life, a Jury bringing in a verdict of
"not guilty" on a notorious highwayman
in order that they, the prisoner and the
judge who was trying the case might rush
out of court to see the balloon. Chicago
News.
The Canse of the Smasliup.
The old darky was su!n the railroad
company for damages. The man contend
ed that, not being warned br the whistle
or engine bell, he had started to drive his
rig across the company's track, when a
shunted box car of said company crashed
into h'.! outfit, causing the death of the
horse, loss of the wagon and minor in
juries to himself. After the prosecution
had closed its side of the case the com
pany's lawyer called the old darky to the
stand and went at him.
"Mr. Lamson," he began, "your rig was
struck by the box car in full day light,
was It not?"
"I fink dar was some clouds ovahead,
suh," answered the cavilling witness.
"Never mind the clouds! And only a
few days before this accident the railroad
company had put a new sign at that
crossing?"
"Dar was a sign dar, ya-as, suh!"
"And didn't that sign say: 'Stop! Look!
Listen!'"
"Now. dar am de whol' accusation up de
trouble!" declared the darky, with anima
tion. '"If dat St 00 sin hadn't caught dis
chile's eye Jes' 's Ah war squar' on dat
track, dar wnuW't 'a' been no smash
up!" The Bohemian. 1
.1 -
HI THE EVENING 51UK j
The Perfect Man.
(By Troy Allison.)
"I am getting frigtatfully cynical,"
Elberta said dolefully, arranging the
cushions on the box couch so - the be
coming red) one would be nearest her
face, "and I don't like it. My dislike
is not founded so much upon moral
grounds as from a regard for my com
plexion." "Eh?" remarked Mr. -Terhune,
helplessly.. "Your conversation, .my
dear Elberta, often seems' Involved.
Your remarks are sometimes not as
lucid that is as Intelligible as one
might desire."
."Perhaps I am forgetting that the
young or very feeble are fed on
speially prepared food, John and
the rule probably applies as much to
the mental as to the physical," she
said with mock petulance.
' "Now my dear girl, don't fly off into
a psychological discussion for either
nature defrauded me or they left out
something In my college course I
don't know which. The only thing
I want to know is why being cynical
should affect your complexion."
"That's easily explained it takes
the sparkle out of my eyes, it draws
my mouth down at the corners and
destroys my dimple and, to cap the
climax, it makes me wonder if there
is a living, breathing man worth
marcelling my hair for. So, when I
get In a cynical mood I go around
straight-haired, thin-lipped, with a
listless expression that makes me
positively homely."
"But my dear child," protested Mr.
Terhune, "I could run in almost any
time to admire the marcelled hair
and If I didn't happen to come at the
psychological moment, you could
phone me at any minute and I would
be delighted dee-lighted to rush to
admire Just count on me for any old
time," he added graciously.
"John you are at Intervals posi
tively foolish," she said severely, try
ing to select from the box in her lap
a chocolate that contained a nut. "I
am tired of being admired by plain,
everyday men."
"Like me?" he suggested amiably.
"I didn't say I was rude or im
polite enough to call you names I
merely said I was cynical," she de
murred. "Oh call me a plain, everyday man
if you like," he conceded graciously
"if it makes you feel one tiny bit bet
ter to work off your cynicism on me,
Lady Fair. 'Tig sweet to die for er
I'm not Strong in poetry, Elberta, but
I'm willing to help you out all I can.
So you want the marcel to be ad
mired by some wonderful being El
berta, my child, don't you' think a
perfect man would let his thoughts
run upon er scientific lines and
not undulations In hair lines?"
"He wouldn't, I'm sure, labor under
tne impression that he could make
puns," she sniffed disdainfully:
"Even if he didn't make puns he
mignt De disagreeable in other re
spects," suggested Mr. Terhune hoDe
fully. "His very perfections, my dear
gin, wouia maKe him clearsighted
enougn to see tne imperfections of oth
ers. Now I think you are perfect but
he probably would not take to you at
all on account of your imperfections."
"Indeed? Would you enumerate
them?" the tone struck Mr. Terhune as
being slightly icy, but however foolish
he evidently was not lacking in bra
very.
"If you will, for once, let me assume
that X. even I, am a perfect man. per
haps can give you a few of the ideas
he might entertain."
"Pray do it cannot fail to be Inter
esting," freezingly.
"That reminds me, I met Miss Deland
on the street this afternoon, and I nev.
er in my life saw so perfect a profile.
She is the exact type that would make
a suitable mate for your perfect man
And I think she has the daintiest little
nose I ever saw, remlniscently.
Elberta reddened slightly. She had
always wondered If her nose were not
a trifle large, and her fingers uncon
sciously flew to her face to be passed
furtively over tne suspected member.
"Ana sne always mates herself so
entirely charming she doesn't seem to
be moody one could not Imagine her
ever being er rude. She is an ideal
feminine character, a perfectly wom
anly woman she would give her hus
band just the proper amount of adora
tion necessary to stimulate him to sue
cess she wouldn't expect the perfect
man to waste time In admiring a mere
woman a frail, impulsive, whimsical
woman. The perfect man, my dear,
would probably at least, possibly be
the center of attraction himself. I can
Imagine that his wife would occupy the
subordinate position of second fiddle."
Elberta sat quietly stroking her nose
with her finger, evidently deeply ab
sorbed in thought.
"John do you think my nose is very
large?" she asked timidly, almost hum
bly. "Oh, I have seen a few larger," de
clared Mr. Terhune airily.
It is hard to have one's sensitive
point so negligently handled and the
girl looked at him in grieved surprise.
"I had no idea you were so disagree
ably critical of course I never thought
I was a beauty but I can't help the
size of my nose."
"Of course you can't," consolingly
"nobody can blame you for it," he de
clared piously. "We should not blame
people for their misfortunes we should
sympathize."
She looked at him a second, tears of
mortification in her eyes. "You are
cruel," she said In muffled tones from
the depth of the red pillow where she
buried her face.
Mr. Terhune, without her eyes upon
him, permitted a look of satisfaction to
creep over his face.
"Wouldn't it be awful to live in the
same house with a man so perfect him
self that he never noticed your eyes or
hair who perhaps had so perfect a
nose that he would make disagreeable
comparisons of your own er features?"
he suggested wickedly.
A slight sob from the red cushion,
and an unhappy tapping on the floor by
the small slippered foot nearest him
was the only response.
"Wouldn't you rather have a well.
Just a plain everyday man who thought
you altogether charming?" He dared
to put his hand on the mass of fluffy
hair that showed off well on the red
cushion. He had never een so daring
before and the sobs stopped in amaze
ment. - -
"He he might likfe Miss Deland's
type, too. I haven't a profile like hers,"
came the muffled tones.
"Pshaw!" said Mr. Terhune with a
fine show of scorn, "she is always so
exactly the same that she would soon
grow monotonous," and he deftly lifted
the bowed head to his shoulder.
"But is my nose so very large?"
came a whisper from his shoulder.
"You dear," said the plain, everyday
man enthusiastically, "there's not, in
the whole world, a more charming fea
ture." (Copyrighted. 1908, by E. C.
Parcella.)
SHUCKS.
Jim Smith's the most contrarlest man
Wus aver llckt;
Can't say a thing but what hVs boun'
He won't dlspoot ye out 'n 'out.
But snorts ye back an answer 'bout
. , "Shucks!"
Jest "Shucksl"
I argy with him half tha day
On politics;
Jim's way back yet in Jackson's time,
- An' thers ha sticks.
I tell him things has moved since then;
He alms a squirt an' grunts again:
"Shucks!"
Jest "Shucks!"
Z read him all the newest things
The paper quotes;
Bout alrograms an' subway ships.
An' flyin' boats.
I ask him: "Ain't it marveHus?"
But Jim. he chuckles with a cuss
"Shucks!"
Jest "Shucks!"
I bet ye when the summons nomas
From Gabriel
To gather all the folks aroun'
ir Jim s assigned a Heavenly place
He'll growl, wi' onbellevln' face.
"Shucks!"
Jest "Shucks!"
N. Y. Sun.
HUMOR OP THE DAY
"Johnny, do you believe in Santa
Clause?" "No. I did before the one we
had at our house slipped and fell down
stairs. I couldn't believe in anybody
that talked the way he did." Chicago
Record-Herald.
"Is it difficult to become a philo
sopher?" asks the very young man.
"Easiest thing in the world," answered
the home-grown specimen. "All you
have to do is to utter truths you don't
believe and can't make the other peo
ple believe." Chicago Daily News.
"What were the best six sellers
when you were in New .York?" in
quired the Indiana literary expert of
his prosaic neighbor. "I'm blamed
if I know," was the latters reply. "As
far as I can remember we only visited
five of 'em, an' I didn't pay much at
tention to their locations." Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
"Why do you call young Kallow
Cholly?' His first name is Noah,"
said Towne. "I know," replied
Browne, "but that's so inappropriate.
Noah had sense enough to get in out
of the rain." Philadelphia Press.
Editor So this joke is absolutely
original with you? Humorist It Is.
Editor well, now, isn't that interest
ing? For years and years I have
wished that some day I could see the
originator of that joke. Somerville
Journal.
A Clean Sheet. "I see you have ar
rested a man whose mind la a blank,"
said a large woman, pushing her way
Into the police station. "Yes." "Well,
trot him out. John didn't come home
last night, and that's a pretty good
description of him when I've given
him a list of errands." Philadelphia
Ledger.
First man I hear that Smith sends
everything he shoots to the hospital
instead of the game dealer? Second
man How good of him. What does
he go in for mostly ducks, quail or
deer First man No, he only shoots
gamekeepers. Tit-Bits.
The Dentist "Now, Johnny, brace
up. It'll be all over In a minute." Boy
"Yes, but gee, think of that min
ute!" Puck.-
The Wife's Sympathy. Officers
We have sad news to bring you. Your
husband fell after the first shot of the
enemy, and died without a sound.
Wife Yes; the man was always very
taciturn. Lustiger Blatter.
Phil. O. Sopher "Don't worry, old
man. Chickens always come home to
roost, you know." Discouraged Friend
- "Yes after they have laid their
eggs in some other fellow's barn."
Judge.
"I met Dunkey today for the first
time In years. He hasn't changed
much." "Oh, he hasn't changed at all,
but he doesn't seem to realize it."
"How do you mean?" "Oh, he's for
ever talking about 'what a fool he
used to be.' " Philadelphia Press.
m ,
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
From the Chicago News.
It takes a lot of .filthy lucre to make a
tidy sum.
Might doesn't always make right, but
it puts up a hard fight.
Because he forges, ahead a man isii't
necessarily a forger.
nn trouble iwlth the dead beat is that
he isn't really dead.
And Uncle Sam should see that we get
pure food for thought.
Lots of people live all their lives without
learn lni" how to live.
A woman always means what she meant
to say if she doesn't say it.
Did you ever have occasion to envy the
disposition of a so-called reformex
A miner is a man engaged in creating
a demand for clearing-house checks.
About the best way to get along with
some people Is to get along without them.
The longer a man tries to prolong an
argument the less he knows about the
subject.
Many a young man has acquired that
tired feeling and a rich father-in-law
about the same time.
No man ever worries half so much about
his Inability to pay his debts as the men
he owu do.
But the size of a man's hat in this
world may have nothing to do with the
size of his crown In tha next.
Did you ever notice how a meek little
woman begins to assert herself about 24
hours after marriage.
When a man is reading a newspaper ac
count of a wedding he invariably skips
the description of the bride's gown.
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
From the Philadelphia Record.
We like our friends to be candid about
other people.
Some people are too stingy to even tell
a Joke at their own expense.
TTi nnner crust or society dtpends on
the amount of dough underneath.
Mont of us are Judged ty our actions.
especially if we happen to get caught.
A man is always willing to forgive his
worst enemy, when it happens to be him
self.
TTnitntm-H are like parrots, but. also like
parrots, they may not be as green as they
look.
MiiihM mav or may not be made In
heaven, but many an actress has married
her angel.
Vn Maude, dear, when a surgeon per
forms an operation he doesn't always
wear a cutaway coat.
A wAman's hat may be a nerfeet ArmAm.
but the bill is generally a nightmare to
her nusDana.
It's when an expert accountant goes
over the absconding cashier's desk books
that his work begins to tell on him.
Now that w have so many balloons
there will be some sense In a fellow ask
Intr o w irl to flv with him.
Wigg "Guzzler says he merely drinks
to drown his sorrow." Wagg "Gee!
What a sorrowful existence he must