fHE TOPEKA DAILY STATE JOURNALS-WEDNESDAY EVENING, MARCH 18, 1908.
4
TOPEKi mm m?Mi.
By FRANK P. MAC LKNNAN.
nrntei-eri Tniv 1. 1875. as second-class
matter at the postoffioe at Topeka, ttao
under the act of congress.!
VOLUME XXXV Na
67
Official State Paper.
Official Paper City of Topeka.
m Tunica ,-TT OTTHQPRtPTION.
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TELEPHONES.
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PERMANENT HOME.
Topeka State Journal building, 800 and
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IT'LL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.
The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received in The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur
pose. Congress cat keep Jn1 about as
busy doing: nothing as the average
farm hand.
It is Just a trifle too bad' that Ad
fciiraa Evansf Joints are not in the
' same excellent condition aa those of
1 fcls ships.
Cities in this country can get a
'valuable pointer for their automobile
: regulations from Paris. The French
capital has a new one which requires
' automobiles to stop after causing an
accident, and imposing both Im
; prisonmerrt and tee as the penalty of
aa attempt to escape.
Minority members of the senate
committees have been rebuked by the
Democratic steering committee for
their inattention to business. The
Democratic senators can hardly be
blamed for not showing much interest
in the committee work because it is
so barren of results for them.
A. E. Hepburn, a former comptrol
ler of the currency, declares that
England ts our onfly friered and: that
the other nations of Europe regard us
as a bumptious people that ought to
be spanked into some sort of de
corum. Perhaps this Is so but none
of them seem unduly anxious to give
us the 'spanking.
Of the 182 delegates so far selected)
for the Republican national conven
tion, 120 of them have been instructed
far Taft. There are 24 others in
structed for him but who are con
tested.. Mr. Fairbanks has 26 dele
gates instructed for him, and 12 dele
gates are uninstructed. It's beginning
to look like a walk-over for the secre
tary of war.
' Everybody will Join with, Admiral
Dewey in his expression that the
battleship fleet under Bob Evans has
honored1 the nation by its notable ex
ploit in, cruising those thousands of
miles without an untoward mishap.
As he says it lias cbemomstrate d) to the
world that we not only have well
trained naval officers aind seamen but
also a magnlScemt armada.' of battle
ships. ' Dr. Crumbine, secretary of the state
board of health, examined a ginger
Snap the other day. Among other
things in it he found a nail, some
small particlies of glass, some earth,
two or three small stones and a bunch
of cat hair. No wonder he has Issued
an edict that ging-er snaps ehaill be
manufactured with care and shall be
free from deleterious things. The
adulteration such as he found is Just
ft little too much for aniyon to stand.
It is the opinion of the state labor
Commissioner that the law prohibiting
children under fourteen years of age
from being employed in factories
should be extended so as to prohibit
the employment of children under
that age in all kinds of workshops,
mercantile establishments and mes
senger services. This suggestion of
the labor commissioner should be well
taken. The employment of children
of immature years in any capacity
should be discouraged.
Mayor Green is to be commended for
the stand he has taken in insisting that
the gas meter shall be tested by the city
and with testing apparatus of its own.
Qaa meters are fickle things and It will
be remembered that a recent Inspection
of thousands of them in New York city
revealed the fact that more than half of
them ran fifty per cent fast and that
Boms were found which operated one
hundred and fifty per cent too fast.
Many a gas consumer in Topeka be
lieves that he is afflicted with rapid
gaited meter.
It ought not to take long for the aver
age business man to arrive at the con
. elusion that a big county fair here this
fall will be of inestimable benefit to
the business Interests of the city. And
It ought to take him less time to write
out a substantial check as his share of
the $12,000 fund which is needed to start
the fair with. Money contributed to
this fund will be a good investment
and now is the time to subscribe. It
can be done today as well as tomorrow
and the sooner the fund is raised the
better it will be for the fair.
Now that Bob Evans and his gallant
fleet have arrived safe and sound at
Magdalena Bay it is the proper time for
nine out of every ten persons to remark
"I told you so." It will not be offensive
In this Instance for nine out of every
tea persons believed that the great fleet
iu capable todothetask assigned to It.
It seems to have arrived in the far off
waters of the Pacific in better condi
tion, ship for ship, than it was when the
start was made and In the words of
Admiral Evans it is ready for target
practice or war. Happily it is the for
mer that will be indulged in.
A SAMPLE OF JUSTICE.
New York newspapers are telling of
a recent incident in that city which
illustrates the influence of social ties
or associations at the expense of Jus
tice. It seems that William K. Vander
bilt was arrested by a policeman for
overspeeding with his automobile and
brought up before Magistrate Frederick
Kernochan on the charge of violating
the speed limit. When taken before
the magistrate Vanderbilt called out.
How are you, Freddie?" and the other
promptly responded: "Good morning,
Will." Then, although the policeman
swore that "Will" was speeding at a
rapid pace and that he had to chase
him two or three blocks before he could
catch him, the case was dismissed on
Vanderbilfs statement that he was
poking along at a speed of not more
than seven or eight miles an hour. It
must have been an "easy" policeman
who thought his oath would stand
against the word of a Vanderbilt, but
he probably has been wised up a bit.
The explanation of the proceeding is
that Vanderbilt and Kernochan belong
to the same fashionable set, and Justice
was not in the game.
OCEAN TO OCEAN RAILWAY.
In securing control of the Illinois
Central on the one hand, and the
Georgia Central on the other, E. H.
Harriman has accomplished a task
that will enable him to run trains
from Savannah, Ga, on the Atlantic
coast to ' New Orleans on the Gulf
and thence via the Southern Pacific to
the various points it readies in Cali
fornia, and to Portland, Ore., and in
termediate places by the Union Pa
cific railroad.
The Central of Georgia connects at
Birmingham, Ala., with the Central
of Illinois. The latter connects with
the Southern Pacific at New Orleans
ana with the Union Pacific at Omaha,.
Neb. So that the Harriman lines now
cross the continent from sea to sea
and run from the Great Lakes to the
Gulf. And though Savannah is not
New York there is an Importance in
the through connection it affords
that it is not to be belittled.
Though the names of the different
roads under his control may remain
unchanged, the operation of all will
no doubt be unified or co-ordinated
as soon as possible. So that, in point
of fact, Mr. Harriman is the first to
establish a railroad line from oeean
to ocean, although others have been
trying to do so for some years past.
In a sense, it is a great public
work. For, if the consolidation, so to
speak, of all of the companies ln
volved in the transaction pays the one
resulting from it, that can only be
because It affords am accommodation
to the ; public which '. was rearly
needed. '
THE PENSION ROLL.
There " seems to be a well defined
movement under way to enlarge the
federal pension roll and to counteract
any natural decrease in the govern
ments outlay for obligations incurred
to volunteers of the Civil, Mexican,
Indian and Spanish wars. The expan
sion of pension expenditures caused by
the dependent pension law of 1890 and
the legislation construing and supple
menting it has been halted by the op
eration of natural causes.. That is to
say, the supply of claimants made eligi
ble by the dependent pension aot and
the acts amending it has now been vir
tually exhausted and the annual sub
tractions from the roll more than equal
the additions to it. The government
disbursed for pensions in 1889-'90 the
last year under the old system $106,-
000,000. The new claims approved in
the three years following, with the ar
rearages granted, forced the expendi
ture for 1892-'98 up to $156,906,000. That
was the largest sum ever paid out in
one year through the pension bureau.
In 1897-'98 the outlay was $144,651,000.
But for the other years up to 1908-'07
the average has been a little under
$140,000,009.
To all appearances the pension roll
had attained Its utmost limit and was
destined to shrink at first gradually
and then rapidly to the dimensions it
had reached before the adoption of the
dependency, age and service tests, in
addition to the normal test of disability.
Executive orders had declared the at
tainment of a certain age presumptive
proof of a degree of disability common
ly encountered at that age, and the
McCumber law of 1907 both rearranged I
the degrees of presumptive disability !
and Increased the monthly rates allow
ed for them. All this legislation dealt
with persons already eligible to pen
sions under the theory of the depend-,
ent pension law. It drew for recruits
on the "unknown army" created by the
law of 1890 and merely facilitated the
exhaustion of that army. The normal
decline in pension payments was
checked by allowing new claims and
increasing the average values of the
pensions drawn or certain to be drawn,
but the supply of eligibles was never
increased by the various adjustments
and reclassifications.
The pension bills now pending In con
gress at this session have been drawn
on a different theory. One of them,
which both houses have passed, does
follow to some extent the precedent set
by the McCumber act of last year by
increasing the pensions allowed to wid
ows and minor children of soldiers and
sailors of the Civil, Mexican and In
dian wars, from $8 to $12 a month. But
it also admits to the pension list some
38,000 widows not previously eligible.
The enactment of the widows' bill will
entail an additional expenditure of
$15,000,000 and will probably carry the
government's annual outlay for pen
sions in 1908-'09 or 1909-'10 beyond the
record breaking total of 1892-93. Two
other bills which apparently have no
chance of passage, and which it would
be decidedly Inopportune to pass now,
alnr at creating entirely new classes of
pensioners. The first provides for put
ting all volunteer officers of the army.
navy and marine corps on a retired list,
with pay for each commensurate with
the highest grade in which he served.
This measure, it Is estimated, would
If passed requires an extra outlay of
about $11,000,000 a year. A logical com
panion bill creates a retired list for all
volunteer soldiers, sailors and marines,
with a minimum compensation of $30
a month apiece. Such an enactment
would involve an additional expendi
ture of from $89,000,000 to $120,000,000
a year, bringing the total cost of pen
sions a year to perhaps $280,000,000 Just
double the expenditure of 1906-'07. It is
evident that the government cannot
afford to enlarge the pension list in this
extravagant manner. It Is dealing with
its pensioners in a spirit of great lib
erality, and should not be expected to
attempt experiments which would
clearly overstrain its generosity, r
JOURNAL ENTRIES
An animal tamer and not a gover
ness is needed for some children.
When you get right down to bottom
facts It is money that makes the auto
mobile go.
The man who was born rich and
never was broke doesn't know whether
he has any real friends or not.
Fellows who pride themselves on be
ing men of push do not seem overly
anxious to exercise it on a baby car
riage. - '
It's only the theoretical mothers who
attend congresses. The practical ones
with a family of six or more have to
stay home to attend to them.
J AY HAWKER JOTS
Mr. Og of El Dorado now finds him
self tied with Mr. Ek-of Marquette for
the shortest name in the state.
Olive Van Tuyl, a Leavenworth
girl, aged 16, died of ptomaine pois
oning after refreshing herself with a
deviled ham sandwich.
It is reported by the ever truthful
Globe that an Atchison divorced man
who is soon to be married has invit
ed his first wife to the wedding.
Wichita is certain that summer has
arrived. Boys are running around in
their bare feet and some are wearing
straw hats. The arrival of houseflles
is also noted.
Chelsea, the oldest town in Butler
county, is no longer on the map. The
only stock of goods in the town will
be moved away and the building will
be occupied as a residence.
A Leavenworth schoolboy who ob
jected to being teased by his compan
ions got the family gun and shot a
few of them. A boy named Track
well was seriously wounded.
Parsons' claims to distinction on ac
count of the possession of an opium
den are quickly mowed down by Law
rence, which remarks in an oft-hand
way that she had two, a month ago.
The school superintendent of Cow
ley county being a lady, should have
no hesitation in presenting her claims
for another term. She can petition
the men in leap year without - any
impropriety.
A Humboldt man recently conduct
ed fourteen checker games at one
time, at Iola, He won six and - lost
eight, but the result is explained on
the theory that there were many
things In Iola to prevent his keeping
his mind on the game.
An ordinance to prevent illicit sales
of liquor in drug stores was killed in
the Wichita council Monday night by
a vote of six to five. Wichita has re
formed somewhat but the council
men decided the ordinance in question
was "carrying fanaticism to an ex
treme." Hopeful item from the' South Hav
en News: "One of our farmers told us
this week that he had no fears of the
green bug this year. He says no in
sect was ever known to destroy a
wheat crop two years in succession,
and we don't know but what he Is
abo'ut right."
Frank Heuitt and Laura Mason ran
away from S&lina and were married
In Abilene. They proposed to live
happy ever after. But the authori
ties are butting In. They insinuate
that some perjury was committed In
stating the girl's age, and the young
couple's honeymoon is apt to be a
failure.
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchison Globe.
Much of the good advice you hear
is rank nonsense.
Every man is a suicide: he has some
habit that is shortening his life.
A lazy man's ambition is nearly al
ways directed toward some political
graft.
Being willing is not everything: it's
the doing something to help that
counts.
The man who is popular with a
great number of women, makes the
poorest husband.
No man always knows when he
acting the fool, but he usually has a
funny feeling in him that suggests.
What has become of the old fash.
ioned woman who - fed her family
"""i. .to tc 11113 iiiiio ui year;
If a man Is honest enough to admit
the truth about himself, that should
be enough, without asking him to
tell it.
Some of the new spring styles in
hats seem to have been derived from
the working headgear of the lire de
partment. Whenever Father is mentioned, the
girls in the family wonder why Mother
doesn't apologize for bringing him
into the family. And sometimes she
does.
Before the oldest girl in the family
has reached sixteen her father finds
his crown tottering, and by the time
she is eighteen he hasn't enough pow
er left to order a favorite old picture
left on the parlor wall.
Nearly every boy worries a good
deal for fear he will commit some
depredation which will cause him to
be fined. And if you were as hard up
financially as the average boy, you
might do some worrying for the same
reason.
We formerly welcomed the coming
of spring, but we are afraid of it now,
owing to the piano playing we hear
as soon as door and windows are open
for the summer. Ever occur to you
how many nuisances there are In every
neighborhood? And how helpless the
people are!
There is no enjoyment in imposing
on others. You may think it a great
pleasure for a while to receive favors
from others, but the time will come
when you will change your mind. It
is equally true that there is no enjoy
ment In being Imposed upon by others
there is very little enjoymenl in any
thing, as a matter of fact.
KANSAS COMMENT
A FOOLISH SPEECH.
" ain.&.u UCUTQICU 1X1. 1.119 1CCC1U
rcelebratlon of the anniversary of the
mowing up or the battleship Maine In
Havana harbor ten years ago. General
Burt of the United States army stated
that the reason the war spirit had de
clined was because it did not pay to be
a hero. He then cited the example of a
young man who concluded, when war
broke out, that he would stay at home
and let some one else get an arm or a
leg shot off, because all he - would get
out of it would be a paltry pension.
With due respect to the general, he
made rather a bad break when he made
that speech. Heroes are not men who
figure on whether or not a move will
pay them; they do not stop to count the
probable return on the investment of
courage. They are, rather, men who
forget self completely when the need
comes and risk their all for the sake
of someone or something.
The young man to whom the general
referred in his speech was not the sort
of which heroes are made. On the con
trary he is one of the kind who have
always remained at home. He is one
of the kind that would desert and re
enlist again to get a bounty, was there
occasion for it. He is one of the kind
that compelled this country to draft
men at one time during the civil war.
True, the army enlistments have been
slow until recently, and various men
have tried to explain it. The correct
ness of their -explanations is neither
here nor there, but It is not because of
a decline in patriotism. Hundreds of
thousands of young men would be re
fused admission to the army on the
slightest indication of physical weak
ness should a war break out, and with
the lines drawn as strictly as possible
the government would have more men
on hand in a month than it could equip
for service in a year.
It is remarkable that such a state
ment should come from a general one
who is old enough to know better and
that his statement was untrue from his
own personal experience. But his rea
soning is as far from being right as K
is possible for wrong to be. Salina
Journal.
THE RAILROAD TROUBLES.
In the vear 1906. 10.000 people
were killed and 100.000 injured on
American railroads. This is an ap
palling number. Loss of grip by the
management, discipline unenrorcea,
mistakes let slip unrectlfled all these
amount to little until railroad men
"wake uo out of the self-satisfied
trance in which at present they seem
ta h neacefullv slumbering." These
are the words of a veteran railroad
man, J. O. Fagan, in the second paper
of a series, "Confessions of a Rail
road Signalman," appearin in tne At
lantic Monthv. It seems to be neces
sary to hurt somebody or to smash
ii r, a fpw rartnads of freisrht before
any efforts can be exerted, according
to the rules, to put a stop to tne neg
ligence this is Mr. Fagan's thesis.
These confessions are an important
contribution to the literature which
reforms by exposing from the inside.
Emporia Gazette.
NOT A TRUST BUSTING SUCCESS.
The Staniiard Oil company nas paia
its usual dividend again and after
Kansas has been strangling1 tne octo
tjus for over three solid years! Abi
lene Reflector. '
Sometimes one Is Inclined to - give
way to a doubt as to whether Kansas
hxn am ffeMiv in, its trust rtrose-
cutions as we would! - like to believe.
Fire Insurance - seems still to be a
reasonably profitable business In
Tj-anoaa nnnniinfwmflnt has been
made of any intention on the part of
the Harvester trust or going out or
business, and Standard oil is yet able
to collect in . profits more than
enough to pay its- - taxes Leaven
worth Times.
FROM OTHER PENS
THE ATTACK ON CORTELYOU.
It is a very narrow and unpatriotic
partisanship that seeks to discredit
the secretary of the treasury for his
efforts to alleviate the recent panic.
tv.a inA.ant riiatrftioa nf rtnnulistic
agitators might be disregarded, though
it is astonishing to near mem ecnoea
by speakers and writers assuming to
represent civilized communities, who
must unrteratanri their falsitV. But
when responsible men like some of the
Democratic leaders in cuugrcoa
men a3 Senator Culberson, for ex
ample take this occasion to play
imnn tn nid unreasoning DreJudlce
against banks and the mischievous un
friendliness of west and south against
the east, sincere Americans can not
protest too emphatically.
secretary uorieiyuu iiu.
ti rsnnrt of all the treasury
operations during the currency crisis,
which satisfies every candid mind that
in - cufltinn nt nnrMillar difflcultv he
acted with great discretion and with a
m . tk iiHitnnKtAillll
degree or success'' mm uiuuuuvi,j
saved the country from overwhelming
disaster. He was called on to admin
ister a wholly artificial system, for
which neither he nor any of his prede
cessors in the department was re
sponsible, under which vast amounts
or actual currency aiiuiu,aicu "
v. trAsnirv nt th verv time when it
Is most needed in the business of the
country. Though the government nas
created the national banks and ex
pects the country to employ them and
Tri t iinea not trust them
Itself. The government is the great
. A M AlvMA ,V.AM
Hoarder or money, -n-i ic
there Is a great and urgent demand
for currency everywhere, it becomes
the Instant duty of the secretary to
get into circulation Just as much of
his superfluous hoard as he lawfully
and securely can. - If Mr. Cortelyou.
with . the best attainable advice, ex
ercised all the discretion that the stat
utes left to him if even he strained
the statutes, which is by no means
established he but showed his ca
pacity to meet a great responsibility.
Philadelphia Ledger.
HUMANE SHIPMENT OF CATTLE.
The treatment of livestock by the
railroads has long been a matter of
concern to the humane societies. These
creatures, destined for the . slaughter
houses, are on a miserable Journey at
best, but there is a large prudential
reason for delivering them at the
abattoir in as good condition as pos
sible. On the ground of human wel
fare alone it has been found that ex
posure, fatigue and hunger causes the
quality of the flesh to deteriorate.
No doubt great difficulties beset the
railroads in. an attempt to get their
stock trains through in accordance
with the regulations. They are for
bidden to transport cattle more than
28 hours at a stretch, and five-hour
rests at the end of each period are
compulsory. This,' of course, involves
labor and Inconvenience, but these
were bargained for when the shipment
was undertaken. If a company pro
poses to transport livestock it may also
agree to transport the creatures hu
manely. A 28-hour trip means hun
ger, thirst, weariness and, in almost
all weather, exposure. Boston Transcript.
JOT DISTURBED. '
A good cigar an easy chair,
t Ai.bo,.kto read an then
should be happy everywhere
There s Joy supreme, for men!
BSwhen 1 s"et a good cigar.
Bit in my easy chair -
And take my book, they yeU for Pa,
And I must climb the stair.
Or else the wife has' chores for me, ' "
The furnace may be low;
Or something I am called to see,
A drain pipe may not flow. ,S-
I never yet have had my book.
Cigar or easy chair
But what I have been called to look
Atj some disturbance there.
Some men there are who smoke and read
Ail undisturbed and still;
B"t they're unmarried men. Indeed.
Or else their wives are ill.
Detroit Free Press.
The Country's Wheat Consumption.
In 1902 the growers of the United
States had 52,000,000 acres planted
J". "5; Tha acreage in 1907 was
".000,000, and statistics fall to show
that the newer wheat countries have
made up the loss. There has been
a constant decrease In the acreage
devoted to wheat in all of the eastern
and lake states for the last ten years.
In the Missouri valley states there has
been an increase of nearly 60 percent
in the wheat growing area since 1880,
while In Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin,
Indiana and Illinois, states that were
once heavy producers of wheat, the
land has been turned to other pur
poses, leaving the total wheat area,
which is now confined almost exclu
sively to the Missouri valley states,
but little larger than it was twenty
five years ago.
Experts estimate that the popula
tion of the United States will be at
least 130,000,000 In 1930, by which
time this country will require for
home consumption every bushel of
wheat raised, unless there is a mark
ed and unexpected expansion of the
wheat area of the nation or produc
tion of wheat substitutes. It is es
timated that such population would
demand for home needs a wheat crop
of at least 700,000,000 bushels, or an
increase of about 20 per cent over the
crop of 1907. The food supply Is,
therefore, likely to touch this country
more nearly In the immediate future
than people generally realize. Oma
ha Bee.
The Delectable Sinking Room.
A Persian diplomat, seated on the
white beach at Ormond. fanned his
moist brow with a Panama.
"The February sun is hot," he said.
"It recalls faintly to me the heat of
Persia. But you have no need of sink
ing rooms here."
"Sinking rooms?" said the girl in
white. "I've heard of -sinking funds,
but "
"You use them In Persia if you're
rich enough in the great heats," he in
terposed. "They're rooms of glass that
sink down into the vitreous blue depths
of Lake Nlrls. Nirls, the most beautiful
of Persian lakes, is almost crowded
with sinking rooms during the hot
weather.
"They're very pleasant. You furnish
them sumptuously rugs and pale silk
hangings, ivory carvings and mother-o'-pearl
and you take down with you
singing girls and dancing girls, and
girls to serve the sherbet and to fill the
hookahs."
He sighed.
"All this," he said, "Is very pleasant,
but I would gladly exchange the glare
of this hot sun, the smell and dust and
roar of these high-powered motor care,
for Lake Nirls' cool depths, the vitreous
blue light, and the clear laughter of
the Circassian serving girls." Phila
delphia Bulletin.
Telling the Fortunes of Monkeys.
Monkey palmistry is a profession
essayed by Dr. Walter Kidd. the zool
ogist of London. He finds remark
able specific variations displayed by
the fine raised lines In the tactile sur
faces of the hands and feet of apes,
monkeys and lemurs. The extreme
complexity of type presented in this
respect, by the lemurs is especially
notable. The ridges in the palm at
tain their full and typical develop
ment only In men, apes, monkeys,
and lemurs, but the degree of special
ization does not by any means ac
cord with the relative grade of these
animals in the zoological scale. The
simple pattern is characterization of
the higher forms, and the complex
pattern is characteristic of the lower
forms. The complex ridges of the
lemur Dr. Kidd associates with this
animal's need for facility In main
taining the bodily equilibrium in
creatures of purely nocturnal habits.
Therefore, the ridges are specially de
veloped for helping to do this. Chi
cago Tribune.
Son Gave Mr. Taft Stage Fright.
Robert Alphonso Taft, son of Secre
tary Taft, heard his father speak in
public for the first time last night in
Music hall here.
Young Mr. Taft Is a sophomore in
Yale, and he went to the banquet of
the Young Men's Republican club at
the Invitation of a member.
When Secretary Taft rose to speak
he caught his son's gaze aa the young
man proudly but anxiously watched
and listened. Secretary Taft said af
terward to a friend:
"It was the first time the boy had
heard me make a speech. He looked
so fearful that his father might break
down that for a few moments I was
quite embarrassed by his glances."
New Haven dispatch to New York
Herald.
Mr, Shaw's Little Joke.
The president's affection for mem
bers of the old Rough Rider regiment
and the preference he has shown them
in making federal appointments have
been the basis for many a Joke. Leslie
M. Shaw, while secretary of the treas
ury, went to a cabinet meeting with a
newspaper in his hand, and, while the
president was waiting for one or two
tardy members, Shaw read the paper.
He came across a headline that read:
"Rough Rider Incarcerated-"
"Here, Mr. President," he said, "what
do you think of this? -I read here that
a Rough Rider has been put in Jail."
"Oh," the president replied, "those
were rough fellows, and from time to
time one of them falls from grace."
"I know," said Secretary Shaw, "but
doesn't this leave a vacancy somewhere
In the government service?" Chicago
Post.
French Affected Hex Health.
The principal of a girls' school has
received from the mother of one pupil
a novel reason for wishing her daugh
ter excused from French conversation
during meals. The excuse was accom
panied by a doctor's certificate to the
effect that the mental efTort of con
centrating her thoughts on French
exercises while eating interfered with
the proper function of the young
lady's digestive organs, and if per
sisted in was bound eventually to im
pair her health. As yet the other
pupils have not learned the cause of
their classmate's exemption from
French chatter at the table. If they
do find oit it Is feared that doctors
certificates will become epidemic.
New York Prass. . - '
THE EVENING STORY
. A Girl In Politics. . '" ,
(By Lester Grey.)
If the Hon. Tom Paxton had- been
making out a schedule of his personal
property, a portion of it would have
read as follows: .
"Sole owner and proprietor of the
Fourth Congressional district,
"Sole owner of one spinster sister,
ter "le OWner of one cnarming daugh-
The honorable Tom secured posses
sion of the Fourth district during a
brain-storm of reform, and he imme
diately started In to make it a life Job.
At the date of this record he was serv
ing the last weeks of his fourth term
and laying his wires for a fifth. He
was keeping an eye on the interests of
the country and neglecting few oppor
tunities to advance "the cause," when
he received a letter that started him
off for home. He arrived there to face
his sister and daughter and demand to
know what it was all about.
Fate may have nothing to do with a
kettle of hot soft soap boiling over and
blistering the feet of a farmer's wife,
but everybody knows that it has all to
do with love. If Arthur Clayton hadn't
graduated in law and been in Lexington
one day to see what the chances were
of hanging out his shingle, and if Jen
nie Paxton hadn't been acting as
chauffeur of her own auto, the young
man and the auto would not have col
lided on the street.
- He was taken to a hotel to get the
better of the shock and the cuts and
bruises, and the conscience-stricken gir!
sent him flowers and messages of re
gret. Had she had the business in
stincts of her father, she would have
sent him a five-dollar bill instead and
told him to sue for the balance. The
spinster aunt saw romance, admiration
and love mixed up with the accident,
and after the, victim was able to limp
out and had made a call, she wrote to
her brother than the danger signal was
out. This letter brought him home as
he was In the midst of a nice little deal,
the particulars of which would never
find their way into the "Congressional
Record."
The Hon. Thomas came home t
smash things. He was no orator. He
had never yet even moved that the
house do now adjourn. He did fairly
well, though, on this his maiden effort.
He said he would be hanged and be
durned and be blowed If he would have
It so. He would burst the aspirations
of that gander-shanked lawyer In a
day. He would lock his daughter down
cellar or upstairs, and if she dug her
wav out with an old caseknlfe and
married Clayton, she and her thirteen
wailins children might freeze and thaw
and starve for all of him. Then he
wound ud his oratory with:
"Drop itl Drop it right now! There's
Tinthlner in love, but there's a heap in
politics. Tve brought home a gripful
of my private papers, ana i warn, you
to overhaul and classify them. A poli
tician's daughter should know some
thing about politics."
Jennie was silenced, and therefore
the father took it that she was con
vinced and cowed. The Hon- Tom was
deceived. He knew men, but he didn't
know girls. If he had he would have
realized that tney are tne moat un.u
rnna when thev cease to argue and
protest. Not that his daughter could
have told him, had she been ever so
frank, that she was really in love with
tha briefless vounsr lawyer who- had
been knocked into the gutter by her
auto, but she might have nintea mat
Fate had a great deal to do with such
things, and that she snouia aDiae Dy
Pat
Having smashed things to his own
satisfaction, the sole owner or ino
Fourth Congressional district went back
to the capital and his deals, while his
daughter sat down in the library to
overhaul the papers, and things ran on
peacefully. Not that there were no
more meetings, but the spinster aunt
did not know of them. Not that ro
mance and Fate fell down, but Jennie
did not do any talking in her sleep and
played the artful dodger when leading
questions were asueo.
The Hon Tom had packed up the
papers in a hurry, and had put In what
ever came to hand first, and some of
them made very interesting reading.
The day after the last one had been
read and classified under the head of
"Danger! Look out for the Locomo
tive1" the young lady and the young
man went for a ride In the vehicle that
had played Fate with him.
At a proper moment he asked a ques
tion that greatly concerned the future
of both and at another proper moment
siae blushed and said "yes." Then she
proceeded to tell him that her fathel
would see her in her grave before con
senting to the match, and she held up
such a vision of paternal wrath and
obduracy that he dropped back from
the seventh heaven to the first. Then he
was taken Into partnership as a con
spirator and lifted back again.and there
was much rejoicing during the remain
der of the ride.
A few days later the Hon. Tom ar
rived home to tinker up his political
fences and lay his ear to the ground.
He had about concluded to bestow the
hand of his daughter on a member of
the house who was serving his first
term and stealing government lands In
the west at the rate of 5.000 acres a
week. He was no monopolist and was
willing to help the Hon. Tom to go and
do likewise.
"Oh. daddy, but you'll be surprised to
learn how much I know about politics!"
announced the demure daughter after
receiving the fatherly kiss. "I haven't
been studying three months yet, and
still I kjiow almost as much as you do
about them."
The father grunted his approbation,
and said he would see her in the library
that evening. When the hour arrived
he suddenly remembered the event of
three months previous, and in a benev
olent and Jocular manner he asked
what had become of the milksop of a
lawyer that had been hanging around
after her when he was home last. , .
"You mean Mr. Clayton," she re
plied. "It was about him that I wanted
to speak to you. He will be here to
morrow night to ask your consent to
our marriage.
"The devil he will!" '
"We dearly love each other, and I'm
sure you will consent. He comes of a
fine family and is going to work hard
and do his best to get to the top."
"Drop it!" said the honorable with a
wave of his hand. ... '
"But you won't be so cruel, daddy. I
have been engaged to him for almost
three weeks now, and It will break my
heart if you oppose me."
"Cut it out. I thought you wanted to
talk politics with me." , .
"So I do, daddy, dear. I have looked
over and classified all those papers and
learned all about politics. I think I
could run a campaign now with Mr.
Clayton's assistance. You must know
he is quite an orator. You have prob
ably heard that Mr. Fllllngton is going
to be your opponent this time, and Mr.
Clayton may take the stump for him V
The Hon. Tom grunted. , Mr. Fllllng
ton was a strong man.
-You know, daddy!" continued the
daughter, "those tetters from the two
railroads asking you to use your In
fluence to kill certain bills would b
ammunition if they fell into the hands
of the enemy. And you seem to have
done something for a certain trust for
which they write you that yoq will And
stock inclosed, and you appear to have
acquired 50,000 acres of government land
la a rather mysterious manner. There's
a letter about It calling It the land
whack.' Is 'whack' something like 'ad
dition, division and silencer .
J.ne Hon. Tom .v hitched uneasily on
his chair and grunted some more.
"Then I found shares in three or four
corporations an agreement, about
mine a copy of a ltter from you stat
ing that a certain bill would be killed
in committee, and various other Inter- '
estlng things. I couldn't iImd niihti
If I thought that Mr. FUlington might
g noia or tnis evidence of your loy
alty to your party and country."
"Humph!" erunted the Hon. "Tom as
several flies that had been bussing
arouna tne room suddenly lit on him.
"And one thin? more, daddv. This Is
In strict confidence. The editor of the
Argus is on the snoop. He says you
are with the coal roads and down on
all investigations,.and that you've mads -a
million dollars In your four terms.
You see. daddy. If he should get
hold " ,
"What do yer want?" interrnnte
the father as he brushed at the files.
"Why. we want your consent. I
think that will keep Mr. Clayton off
tne stump, j. think it wIlL" .
"What else?"
"And then I think you might draw
me a check for at least $5,000. It was
worth that to learn the game of poli
tics. You can fix It. can't you. so that
it will come out of what they call the
-yeiiow oog- runrt?'"
"Darned if I don't!" replied the hon-
orable, as he drew his checkbook tow-'
ard him. He owned the " Fourth con
gressional district, but he knew . when
he was a licked man. -
"And about politics?" asked Jennie
when she had received her check. "Shall
I study them any more?"
"GmKI I used to think that If tha
question of woman's rights came up In,
the house I'd vote in the affirmative
but now I'll be hanged If I dol"
And then he smiled grimly and put
on his hat and went out to make all
necessary arrangements to bury the
ambitious Mr. Fllllngton so deep that
the seventh generation of American
patriots couldn't find his political skel-'
eton. (Copyrighted, 1908, by the Asso
ciated Literary Press.)
HUMOR OF THE DAY
"Mrs. Rollins has the most accommo
dating husband I know."
"What has he done now?"
"Why, you know she was growing very
stout, and he took to drink Just to worry
her thin." St. Louis Post-Dispatch. -
"I really believe you married m simply
because I have money," said the heiress,
who was as stingy as she was plain.
"No," replied her husband, candidly, "I
married you because I thought you'd let
me have some of it." Pick-Me-TJp.
"Pardon me, sir," began the portly per
son In the railroad train to the man who
sat next to him. "but what would you say
if I sat on your hat?"
"Suppose you sit on it and then ask
me," suggested the other.
"I did.'' admitted the portly person.
Harper's Weekly.
City Nephew well, uncle, did you have
a aood year?
Farmer Did I? Gosh. yes. I had four
cows and three hogs killed by railroad
trains an' two hogs and nine chickens
killed by autermoblles. I cleared nigh a
thousand dollars on them. Bohemian.
"Don't you think he has a kind facer V
"Yes, but-what kind?" Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"An actor should be devoted to his art,
should he not?"
"Yes," answered Mr. Stormington
Barnes, "he should be. But too many of
us are prone to regard tha practice of our
profession merely as a series of dis
agreeable interruptions to a pinochle
game." Washington Star.
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.
From the Philadelphia Record.
Burying the hatchet often means
war to the knife. ,
The better we know people the less
politeness we waste on them.
Never try to make a man feel at
home if you know him to be hen
pecked. ' The woman with one child has more
theories concerning children than tha
mother of ten.
Some people are not satisfied to kilt
two birds with one stone, but ther
want the stone back.
Miss Gotrox "He's a man after my
own heart." Miss Caustique "Are
you sure he isn't after your money
Instead ?"
- Hoax "You used to work in tha
postofflce, didn't you?" Joax "Yea,
that's my old stamping ground. --; ....
Mrs. Bugginsi "I got this ball gown
at a ridiculous bargain; it was one
third off." Mr. Buggins "One-third
off the top, I suppose."
Nell "Maude is awfully disagree-
able; she can sing and won't," Relle -"She's
not half so disagreeable as the
girls who can't sing and will."
"Where there's smoke there must be
fire," quoted the Wise Guy. "It'sr
hard to believe that when you are try
ing to light the furnace fire," added
the Simple Mug. ,
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
From the Chicago News.
A rolling stone beats two in thai
bush. -,
The polished speaker can't always
see his finish. -
A man may be dead easy all his life
and yet die hard.
When a judge lays down the law ha
doesn't necessarily resign. :
The rolling mill gathers no moss
unless there is a strike on.
If there were no fools in the world
lawyers would die of starvation.
If the toothache doesn't worry a
man it's because , some other fellow
has it.
But the neighbors of a self-satisfied
man are not always satisfied with him.
How many men. do you know who
let their religion Interfere with their
business ?
mam cvdi comes nauway up to
the expectations his mother had or
It's remarkable how easllv . a .i'-i
can adjust herself to circumstances.
She can be fond of almost any younr
man whfin ti ora am n 1-1 nfh - US
"- " " w vouna.
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHBTAn
From the New York Presa
w n An A vnfln la n .irn. fAnl.j w
it's because he simply isn't worth ItT
a woman oan uxe most any novel if
ik wiuuu v unvpeuea in real life
A good thing about money is ty,m
temptations you escape by not bni
lng- It.
The more vanity a man has and th
less self-respect, the better his chance
to get along In politics. BC
If a girl won't forgive you for kiss,
lng her against her will It's becaua
you don't know how to do it ":l-u
A