The Topeka state journal. [volume], January 18, 1909, LAST EDITION, Page 4, Image 4

About The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980

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THE TOPEKA DAILY STATE JOURNAL T.XOlTDA'g EVENING, JANUABY 18, 1909.
T0PES1 STATE JOURML
By FRANK P. MAO LEKKAN.
Entered July 1. 1873. as second-class
matter at the postotfice at Topeka. Kaa,
"oow me act or congress.!
VOLUME XXXVI No. 15
Official State Paper.
Official Paper City of Topeka.
TERM3 OP SUBSCRIPTION.
Dally edition, delivered by carrier. M
cents a week to any part of Topeka, or
suburbs, or at tie same price In any Kan
sas town where the paper , baa a carrier
system.
By mall, one year .....3.J
By mall, three months . ??
cmurqay edition of dally, one year... x"
TELEPHONES.
Business Office Bell vn
Business Offloe VS.
Reporters' Room Bell 677
Reporters" Room i
ITank P. MaeLennan Ind. TOO
PEBMiNUNT HOME.
Topeka State Journal building. 806 and
New York Office: Flatiron building, at
Twenty-third street, comer Fifth avenue
no Broadwny. Paul Block. ,
Chicago Office: Hartford building. Paul
ioek. manager.
FTTJTj LEASED WTRK REPORT
OP THE ASSOCIATKT PRJSS
The State Journal Is a member of the
Associated Press snd receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news or
ganisation lor tne exclusive aneraoun
publication In Toneka.
The news Is received In The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur
txw Many of the congresses of the past
have been styled as bavins; been of
the "do-nothing" variety, but the pres
ent short session of the federal legis
lature will evidently go down In his
tory as the champion In this regard.
Members of the Kansas Good
Roads association have the right Idea.
They want every highway in Kansas
to b a good road. It is up to the leg
islature to provide an equitable plan
Ifor the starting of this good work.
'From the communications which
have been received by H. A. Heath, of
the local state fair promotion com
mittee, It is apparent that the farmers
of the state are pretty generally In
favor of the creation and establish
ment of a state fair. And the far
mers of Kansas well, they . are her
' people and the legislature would do
well to listen to their demands.
If the courts, which will be called
upon to review the testimony In the
government's suit for the dissolution
of the Standard Oil company, the tak
ing of the testimony In which has Just
been concluded in New Tork, go over
all of the evidence In the case care
fully It Is likely that the defendant
company will have died a natural
death of old age long before there is
a final determination of this case
against it. '
-Some opposition Is developing in
congress to the bill which seeks to in
crease the salary of the president to
$100,000 per annum and also mater
ially increase the salaries of the vice
president and the speaker of the
house of representatives. But just
because the members of congress are
in a huff at the present incumbent of
the White House that is not a good
reason why they should take their
spite out on the future presidents of
the nation.
Probably the members of congress
will pass the bill authorizing the con
struction of a dam across the James
river in Missouri for the development
of electric power over the veto of
President Roosevelt for the no better
reason han to show him that they
have little regard for his ideas or
wishes on any subject. Things were
different, though when Mr. Roose
velt had four years of service in the
l presidential chair ahead of him.
I. .
The people of the state showed a
! lack of a sense of justice when they
s voted down at the last election the
I proposition to amend the constitution
' so as to give the legislators more pay
than the meager, trivial three dollars
I a day which they . now receive. Al
I ready have several propositions look
3 Ing to this end been presented to the
I legislature and one of them will be
' submitted to the people again at the
i next election. They should be glad
i , of another and early opportunity to
correct the mistake they made at the
i : last election.
j And still is the good fight for pure
food going on in this state. A meas
! ure has been prepared for the con
sideration of the legislature which
i will make the existing statutes on
this Subject much stronger. No piece
of legislation will prove more popu
lar with the people. The taste of real
things in the food line that has been
given them by the existing pure food
laws have Just nicely whetted their
appetites for more of the same sort of
legislation. There is no need, how
ever, of going to legislative extremes
in this matter as in others.
The acquittal of Thornton Hains on
a first degree murder charge for aid
ing and abetting his brother. Captain
Hains in killing William E. Annis, was
to have been expected. In these days
'of "impulsive insanity," "dementia
Americana." and other things, it is
well nigh impossible to convict a per
son with means at his disposal to em
ploy attorneys and alienists, of a cold
blooded murder, let alone convicting
nr even endeavoring to convict an ac
cessory to such a crime. All of which
:would rather lead to the conclusion
that the big criminal lawyers In the
land are getting too smart for the
laws. m-.
A mere bagatelle, a trifle that's
what the famous riding test in the
rmy amounts to. It requires that an
officer shall ride ninety miles in
:hree days. The originator of It, Mr.
'.Loosevelt, covered ninety-eight miles
ecently on horseback in about seven
een hours. He is repoVed to have
jeen in the best of condition and
spirits on the conclusion of this little
rip. This Is the establishment of a
, residential precedent that will prob-
iblv not be undertaken by any other
Lfcief executive of the nation as long
as It endures. Great, Indeed, will be
the name of Roosevelt in the history
of the world, John Gilpin, Paul Re
vere and a few others will even have
to take back seats in the Ball of eques
trian fame.
THE GAS STTCATIOX.
Sunday's serious break at Ottawa to
the gas main leading to Topeka, de
priving this city entirely of that sort
of fuel. Is a warning in the shape of
a grim object lesson that makes it
clear that emergency heaters using
coal or wood should be provided. The
accident that happened Sunday may
not occur again In years, or tt may
come at any time.
Gas Is a cleanly convenient fuel. It
is even a luxury which may be used
by the poorer people, for It Is econo
mical for cooking and heating under
ordinary circumstances.
Ooal heaters and coal supply may
even fail at times and severe weather
will test all plants, but on the whole.
coal and wood are more dependable
in severe weather than the natural
gas with the risks of over a hundred
miles of transportation through pipes
nriifrh mav burst or by means of
pumps which may cease, either at the
critical hour.
TAXING THE BACHELORS.
Signals of distress are being flown
by the bachelors all over the country
and with good reason. There seems
to be something of a concerted move
ment floating over the land to im
pose some sort of an annual tax on
them for the privilege of basking in
the environments of the single state
of blessedness. From the efforts that
are being made In various oi tne
state legislatures it is reasonable to
assume that this proposition of tax
ing bachelors Is not being considered
in a spirit of fun but in all earnest
ness. Wisconsin, which has been In the
limelight during late years as me
home of much that is new and pro
gressive in the way of legislation, Is
wen to the front, as might be ex
pected, with a unique plan. A bill has
been introduced in the legislature of
that state which not only provides for
the levying of an annual tax on bach
elors of thirty years or more but also
provides for the organization of a
state bureau which will devote its
energies to finding wives for bachelors
who are sincere in their desires to
avoid the tax. This may be looked
upon as paternal legislation of the
first water. It also tinges on legisla
tion of the freak variety.
A bill has been introduced in the
Iowa legislature levying an annual
tax of $25 upon all single men past
the age of thirty and the money to
be derived from it will go to a sep
arate county fund to be disbursed to
needy, spinsters and widows. In the
Texas legislature a measure has been
presented fixing a tax of $10 per an
num on bachelors twenty-five to thirty
years old. Bachelors thirty to forty
years old must pay $25 annually and
those from forty to seventy years old
$10 a year. All bachelors of seventy
years and over are exempt. This is a
thoughtful provision for a man who
reaches the age of seventy without
having been ensnared by a woman is
certainly entitled to exemption from
a tax of this sort. There are some
who will probably think that such a
man is entitled to a reward of some
character, possibly a pension. Of
course it wouldn't be doing things the
Texas way if the plan did not have
some drastic features and this bach
elor's tax bill provides that each
eligible bachelor in the state shall pro
pose to at least one woman each
year. Failure to make affidavit that
he has done this and has been re
jected, subjects such an unfortunate
bachelor to a double tax.
Over in Missouri a bill taxing
bachelors $50 each year and creating
a state matrimonial board of five
spinsters and five bachelors to en
courage matrimony failed of passage
at the last session of the legislature
but it is to be Introduced again this
year. Bachelor tax bills have made
their appearance In Kansas legisla
tures of the past but they have been
laughed out of existence. In view of
the general agitation which Is being
given to this subject now in various
parts of the country, perhaps the
matter will be considered again in
this state more seriously, if it worthy
of any seriousness at all. Certainly if
It is the proper thing to tax bachelors,
Kansas should not be backward in
making her single gentlemen help pay
the freight. And at the same time,
what is the matter with taxing the
old spins, also? What's good for the
gander ought to be fair enough for
the goose.
FIRE ESCAPES.
Evidence is beginning to pile up al
ready that the members of the legis
lature are going to get real busy in .the
way of enacting legislation which will
seek to compel the equipment of hotels
and other buildings, where persons are
employed or are wont to gather in
large numbers, with flre escapes of
proper proportions. It is natural that
unusual Interest in this subject should
be awakened , at this time because of
the disastrous fire which destroyed the
Copeland hotel. But it is a matter
that should not be handled too hastily
or even too drastically. It is a subject
in which legislators can as easily go too
far as not far enough. And on this
question, the same as many others of a
public and pressing nature, there is
room for too much legislation. What
Is needed in this case as in others, per
haps, is a more rigid enforcement of
existing legislation rather than the
creation of any new laws.
There Is already on the statute books
of Kansas a law covering the question
of flre escapes on hotels and other pub
lie and private buildings where many
people congregate. It is chapter 310 of
the laws of 1903. And if its provisions
were enforced to the letter as they
should be by the fire chiefs of cities it
would seem that all hotels and other
buildings in the state would be
equipped with all such means of exit
in case of fire as might reasonably be
demanded. Provision Is made In It for
the equipment of the buildings In ques
tion with one or more outside metallic
ladders or stair fire escapes. The nu"m
ber and location of them on any par
ticular building Is left to the discretion
of the heads of the fire departments In
the cities and towns, except that there
shall be at least one such fire escape
for every thirty persons that the build
ing accommodates. i
But this law goes considerably fur
ther. It provides that Independent and
In addition to such external fire escapes
that local flre chiefs may Insist shall
be placed on buildings, It shall be the
duty of owners of such buildings of or
more than two stories in height to pro
vide and cause to be securely affixed to
bolt through the wall near the win
dow head, inside of at least one window
on each and every room on the second
floor, and In each and every room on
each higher floor of every such build
ing, a chain not less than three-fourths
of an Inch in diameter and at -least five
feet in length, with a rope made of
good material and not less than one-
half inch In thickness, and of suf
ficient length to extend to the
ground or other place of land
ing, such rope escape in each
room to be carefully coiled and kept
near the sill of the window to which
the escape is attached. Maps of the lo
cation of the metallic fire escapes and
the rope escapes must be placed in each
room and any violation of any pro
visions of this law subjects the owner
of a building of the sort in question to
a fine of not less than $5 or $500.
Then comes the last and most im
portant section of the law. It explicitly
directs the chief of the fire department
in all cities and towns to visit the
buildings in - question at least once
every three months and make investi
gations to see that the proprietors of
them are complying with the law in all
of Its details. He is to report viola
tions of it to the local city attorney or
the prosecuting officer of the com
munity. From the manner in which
the guests of the Copeland went to
work and tried to make ropes out of
blankets and sheets which served them
poorly in their efforts to get from their
rooms without injury it is quite evi
dent that this hotel was not provided
with fire escape ropes as the law de
mands. It is unnecessary to state
where the responsibility for this condi
tion of affairs exists. The law states It
explicitly.- But it is reasonable to sup
pose that if the Copeland hotel was not
compelled to put in these rope flre
escapes that no other large hotel in the
city has been compelled so to do.
There is talk of passing a law creat
ing the office of state fire marshal and
providing that such an official shall
have supervision over the flre chiefs
and marshals in the state for the pur
pose of seeing that they do their full
duty in making hotel proprietors and
those of other large buildings live up
to all of the provisions of the flre
escape and other flre laws. Such a plan
may be a good one. " Although it is In
conceivable how a fire chief can be . lax
in eniorcing sucn laws on his own
initiative, nor is it understandable why
such an official should need prodding
up on a matter as important as this
one.
JOURNAL ENTRIES
Women are apt to deny their past
to the extent of several years, at
least.
Many fellows do not realize just how
crazy they were to get married until
afterwards.
There's something wrong with the
man who insists that he prefers walk
ing to riding in an automobile.
.
Bachelors have a great advantage
over married men in that they are at
liberty to say what they think.
.
Most every woman is not only the
judge and the jury of the household
but she is also the prosecuting at
torney. JAYHAWKER JOTS
Now that Leavenworth has closed its
saloons the people are beginning to put
in ineir time aeaicaung new ana hand
some churches, says the Wichita Eagle,
A vaudeville artist who is working out
around this section of the country de
fines a mollycoddle as a person who
can uve in Atcnison and enjoy him-
Paul Lovewell Is out with the nerti
nent suggestion that it is not necessary
to wait until print paper is manufac
tured from cornstalks in order to get
out a puny paper.
4.ne vjraraen uity xeiegram notes a
significant coincidence in the fact that
the state's amount of wind, as report
ed by the state university, fell off con
siderably just at the time when the
campaign closed.
A young woman has opened a law of
fice in Arkansas City and every per
son in the town is hoping that she will
be an honest Jawyer and make an hon
est living. They might Just as well hope
that she will always remain young, says
the pessimistic Wichita Eagle.
Judging from the Globe's description
it is hard to see how any town had
anything on Atchison in the way of
new year's excitement. The mayor,
says the Globe, -thought It would be
great to see the fire department turn
out. Frank Wike drove. It was a quick
run. One wheel collapsed and the en
gine turned over. To quote the Globes
"After the engine went down some one
yelled, 'Frank Wike has been killed.'
Pandemonium broke loose. In less than
a minute 600 or 700 people gathered
around the engine. Miss Edwina Harwi
was giving her dance at Turner hall
when the accident occurred, and the
dancers all flocked to the scene. 'Frank
Is under the engine,' everybody- said.
Women screamed and several men cried.
Matches were lighted, when it was
seen no- one was under the engine. Im
mediately after the aceident, and before
the crowd gathered, Wike .had been
hauled out by a couple of men and car
ried to the fire station. Bert Sowers,
the fireman, was in the station when he
heard the terrifying cry that Wike had
been killed. He ran out of the door at
full speed and collided with Mrs. Fred
Stafford. The impact was terrific. Both
were thrown to the ground. -Sowers had
his nose broken, and Mrs. Stafford has
a large contusion on he forehead." ; 1
KANSAS COMMENT
UP-TO-DATE FARMINO.
HMan7 Kansas Papers now contain the
advertisements of a farmer In the
western part of the state who prepares
and markets pork products.
He is a good advertiser; he knows
how to whoop it up for his sausage and
lard and hams and bacon and such
iiiiugs ana leave the impression that
life without his goods on the table Is
out a rutue journey in a desert land
He Imitates the t vl nr th. vtnvmft.
era; he speaks so breezily of the opera
tions at his farm that von ronlnro un
n. Jijein.i picture of a bevy of joyous
lads. and lasses, eoveror! with nrlnnds
and singing yodel songs, while they
stun sausage and scrape the bristles
irom a nog mat was killed by suffoca
tion in a bath of Lethean water.
.Probably the visitor to the farm
would find that the hogs are killed, and
the sausage prepared for market by
hired men in blue overalls with cockle-
burs in their sorrel whiskers; and the
ni8 mere proDably yell when they are
being killed, even a a hoeq at other
places; and the lard is boiled down in
an old black kettle that the cat sleeps
in at night; but let us believe to- the
contrary, and eat" this man's sausage
witn tne assurance that it discounts
the ambrosia of the gods.
And this man, if he is frugal and
wise as a serpent will become beastly
rich; for the towns are full of people
to whom the words "fresh from the
farm" are a shibboleth of sacred mean
ing. The sausage from the packing
nouses can t by any cossibilitv be as
clean or fragrant or wholesome as the
sausage from the farm, where the birds
carol their roundelays in the blooming
trees. Women always want eggs fresh
from the farm, though they may have
Deen storea there for ages; milk irom
the farm is vastly superior to the
humble offering of the town milk man
whose cows lead the sporting life, and
seldom retire at proper hours; even the
cabbage from the farm can give cards
and spades to the town cabbage, and
beat it blind.
This wary old farmer of the heaven
ly sausage and Immaculate hams is
taking advantage of the prevailing
superstition, and has gone to work the
right way. He is booming his pro
ducts in the newspapers, and, as a con
sequence, shipping them to customers
all over the state, and of course, every
customer will become an advertising
agent for him. k
There are many schemes of a similar
character which might be worked out
Dy JK.an.sas farmers. The word "farm,"
as applied to a food product, has its
magic, and the husbandmen are dense
indeed if they don't profit by the fact.
iiimporia uazette.
FROM OTHER PENS
NEW VARIETY OF INSANITY.
Every time there is a murder trial
in high life, we get a new variety of
Insanity. The Hains case has produced
impulsive-' insanity, which must not
bo confounded with exaggerated ego,
the type of craziness developed by the
Thaw case. We cannot gather any
clear idea of tho , newly discovered
madness except that it has something
to do with an impulse. Maybe the im
pulse is the cause,, and maybe it is
the effect of the mental disorder, but
the effect on the other party in the af
fair is the same, either way. The im
pulse or the insanity or both always
last "until he is kHtfaT" The "sure ' cure
for the disease 3s $f"tet the patient
kill one of his enemies, for the recov
ery is then rapid and permanent. A
strange feature of Impulsive insanity
and kindred types Is that they never
attack any persons" but those who
move In "good society', or have done
so. No person with an income of less
than $5,000 a year was ever known to
be so afflicted. There must be cause
and effect about that circumstance.
Dissipation in an ordinary person im
pairs the mind and. blunts the ability
to distinguish between -right and
wrong. Some misdemeanor or crime
is likely to follow. .Dissipation in the
mora limited class produces eccentri
city first and afterward impulsive insanity.-
St. Paul Dispatch.
HONOR IN HONEST WORK..
A' true sense of .proportion should
show us, however, that as all are not
fitted for the same-: field of work, so
also It would be fatal for 'all to under
take the same line of endeavor. Where
would the great bdnevolences of the
Salvation Army . be; for example, or
Rescue , Missions, or Doors of Hope,
without the contributions of rich men
who . are immersed in business and
shrewd in bargains?.
There is honor in all honest work.
Even Mr. Carnegie gives the world a
sentiment that would be hard to sur
pass when he says that the only meas.
ure of a man's value is the service he
renders. This service must be render
ed in different fields. In some It is
given to' bind up the broken hearted
and visit the fatherless and widows in
their affliction. But the main work of
the world must go on by means of the
great army of laborers and capitalists
The great general, the millionaire
banker, the man of learning, the sol
dier in the battle's van, the seaman
before the mast are as necessary to
the world's work as self-sacrificing
women are to its solace. Indianapolis
News.
BLAMING THE MAN.
According to the earliest annals man
promptly blamed the woman when con
fronted with his first serious responsi
bllitv. But the sex lost no time in pay
ing back in his own coin. Nor has the
account been settled. Here, for in
stance, is a woman of popular promi
nence who says that man Is the in
spiration that prompts extravagance
in dress of the modern woman. She
adds that In New York the splendor of
the wife's dress frequently enhances
the husband's business credit. Hence
the. woman feels it her duty to dres3
well in order to uphold the man's
financial standing. Other women re
sort to dress as a means to grapple
man's love. As this authority some
what Frenchily remarks: "The co
quetry of clothes Is the best safeguard
against masculine Indifference." She
admits that there may be some truth
in the hackneyed tradition that women
wear fine clothes to make other women
envy them, but she says the only rea
son worth considering Is the fact that
men expect the sex to dress well and
even demand it. Cleveland Plain Deal
er. .-
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
From the ew York Press.
The easiest way ' to write a letter
home i3 when you can telegraph.
Many a woman has faith in a man
because there is nothing else left her.
The difference between a compli
ment and flattery is whether you get
it or somebody else.
A woman's idea of a delicious din
ner is where she received more compli
ments than any one else.
When, a man gets to know a lot
about a thing he has achieved com
plete success at also knowing how to
be a bore about it. ,
THERE ARE OTHERS.
My darling wife is pretty firm, -Beneath
her sway I sometimes squirm.:
But there's one thins that I must say
She doesn't always have her way.
She puts her foot down mighty flat
There's not a bit of doubt of that.
She's not one that I love to cross.
But, all the same, she's not the boss.
She often orders me around. '
It's best to humor her, I've found.
Still, there are times, no doubt of It.
When she must gracefully submit.
I am by nature mild and meek
And she's strong-minded, so to speak.
Yet she has not been slow to find
That others have some strength of mind,
That she must tremble at a frown
And humbly take a calling down.
On such occasions I am free i
To say it rather tickles me.
It does me good to see her shrink.
She needs the discipline, I think.
She's pretty often brought to book.
By me? Good gracious, no! Our cook,
Chicago News.
Fewer India Snake Victims.
According to the "snake" statistics
for 1907, the total mortality among
human beings caused by snake bite
fell from 22,811 in 1906 to 21,418 In
1907. So low a figure has not been
reached since 1897.
The decrease is noticeable mainly In
Bengal and Eastern Bengal and As
sam, where the figures fell from 8
862 ana z,73Q in 1906 to 8,276 and
1,900, respectively, in 1907. The most
important increases occurred in Mad
ras and Burma, where the figures rose
from 1,527 and 1,149 In 1906 to 1,977
and 1,348, respectively. The decrease
in Eastern Bengal and Assam is at
tributed to the floods having been low
er. The Central provinces figure (996)
is the lowest returned in any one of
the last seven years.
The Lauder-Brunton treatment of
snake bite by Incision and application
of permanganate of potash and the
distribution of lancets continues. It
is too early yet to pronounce with any
certainty as to the result of the exper
iment, but a number of favorable re
ports have been received. Eight cases
are reported from the United pro
vinces of the successful use of Dr.
Calmette's antivenene. In two of
these cases the permanganate of pot'
ash treatment was also employed.
The Times of India.
Since the Days of Noah Webster.
The Century Dictionary contains
about 225,000 words, the Standard has
over 300,000. In its third edition.
published in 1864, Webster's Diction
ary offered about 114,000 words, an
increase of several thousands over the
editions of 1828 and 1847. For the
speakers who commemorate the 150th
anniversary of Noah Webster's birth
a language presents Itself marvelously
expanded and enriched.
Webster was born on. a larm'on tne
edge of Hartford, Conn. His famous
spelling book was compiled, however,
at Goshen, In this state, and he left a
newspaper monument In New York
citv through the foundation in 1793
of the Minerva, a dally, afterward the
Commercial Advertiser.
Ill fortune at the practice of law.
which he proposed to follow on his
graduation from Yale, turned Noah
Webster to thev teachers' profession.
Through the preparation of his spell
er, of other textbooks, and of a small
school lexicon, he arose to the task
of compiling the great dictionary to
which,: his name attaches evenrln-tts
latest revised .-editions and which Is
his chief memorial. New York World.
Peking In Transformation.
For the student of political and ra
cial questions, few places on earth can
compare in interest witn tne capital
of China today. To revisit it after an
absence of ten years is to realize
something of the forces at work in
and around the Middle Kingaom.
something of the results of the dead-
lv struggle for world power wnicn
has made Manchuria and north China
the cockpit of Asia, and of which the
end Is not yet. To those who knew tne
Peking of the nineties, the contrast
offered by the city of today gives food
for much reflection. There are other
phenomena - in this part of the world
equally striking, such as the creation
and growth of tne Russian railway
city of Harbin, and the prim, silent
nassine of China's sovereignty in an
that region sacred as the birthplace
and cradle of the dynasty, but none of
these strike the imagination so forc
iblv as the outward and visible signs
of fusion and change that confront
one in Peking. New York Globe.
QUAKER MEDITATIONS.
From the Philadelphia Record.
Is the girl who paints necessarily
artful?
Life is short, but eternity only con
tains four more letters.
There Is always an opening for a
young man" in a Jack-pot.
When a fellow marries a cooking
school girl she ought to pan out.
Talk is cheap, but you can seldom
convince a woman of that fact.
No. Maude, dear; a ship's log Is
not responsible for a choppy sea.
Some people would rather be polite,
and others would rather tell the truth.
The man has yet to be born who
knows more than he thinks he knows.
Some young fellows simply fall In
love, and others seem to jump In with
both feet.
Blobbs "Have you ever noticed
that the average woman gets oft a
trolley car backward?" Slobbs -"That's
the way she gets off a joke,
too."
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
From the Chicago News. .
The upper ten never, Uvea In the top
fiat.
A woman Is never younger than she
says she is.
No, Cordelia, all makers of crazy
quilts are not lunatics.
The chicken-hearted man Is some
times inclined to crow.
The bigger a man is the less his
wife Is afraid of him.
Some girls flirt with homely men
merely from force of habit.
It doesn't take very swift retribution
to overtake some swift men. -
A genius would be all right if his
folks didn't expect so much of him.
Try to drown trouble and you'll dis
cover that It has more lives than a
cat.
It isn't the abuse that millionaires
get that keeps most of us out of that
class.
The easiest way to flatter a girl is
to congratulate her on her prospective
is a waste of time to grasp an
opportunity unless you know what you
are going to do with It.
When a young married woman has
a friend come to spend a few days with
her she Is apt to call It a house party.
It may not cost any more to keep
two than one, but the father of a mar
riageable girl can not always see It in
that light.
THE EVENING STORY
The Breakfast Food Man.
(By Frank H. Williams.)
Hugh Sommers, tearing down the
snowy road In his huge red auto
mobile, spied the girl a little distance
ahead of htm. He pulled the car to
a standstill beside her and smiled
appreciatively at her rosy cheeks and
her becoming Tarn o' Shanter and
sweater jacket.
"Hello, neighbor," he cried.
"Hello. Mr. Breakfast Food Man.
the girl replied, rather grudgingly and
somewhat sarcastically.
The man grinned, though rather un
comfortably.
"I suppose," he said, "that you think
it's something awful for me to be
making my money In such a prosaic
way as reeding the public at the break
fast table? Would you think any the
better of me if my money was tied UP
In railroad and government bonds, as
I suppose your father's estate Is?"
The girl surveyed the man critically
from heel to head while he reddened un
der her glance.
It's hard to tell." she renlied can
didly at last. "When I think of that
awful Wheatflaka that you manufac
ture, it seems to obscure whatever eood
qualities you may have. I see you
through falling flakes of that unspeak
able stuff."
"Wheatflaka is everv hit ft mil and
better than Wheato!" he flared, "And
that's the only other brand on the
market that has sales anywhere nearly
Is big as ours!"
At this the girl simply raised her
eyebrows. Then, on second thought,
she said:
Naturally that's your opinion but
we eat Wheato at our breakfast table."
She turned, definitely, and started
down the road.
Walt," cried Hugh. iumDinsr from
his machine. "Don't go away like this.
You probably think of me as utterly
impossiDie, out I'm hanged if I'm go
ing to let a breakfast food come be
tween us.
"I could explain to you how Wheat
flaka Is made and show you how per
fectly pure and wholesome It Is, but
you wouldn't understand It. I might
tell you that we are soon going to be
gin an advertising campaign that will
wipe wneato off the market, but you
don't understand business."
"Indeed!" ejaculated the girl.
"But you can understand this." Hugh
rushed on. "You can understand me
when I say I love you. I've loved you
from the moment I saw you, and, no
matter how yon think of me now, no
matter, what you say, I'm going to
make you love me and marry me! Just
as I'm going to be successful In this
fight against Wheato, I'm going to win
you!"
A deep, indignant flush suffused the
girl's face. Then she laughed mock
ingly.
"Really, Mr. Breakfast Food Man."
she cried, "you can't make a girl mar
ry you by the fine tactics you would
employ In a business campaign. If
your endeavors with Wheatflaka are no
more successful than your endeavors
will be to win me, it will certainly go
hard with you."
Haughty and stern, she stood with
averted face until Hugh, somewhat
abashed, climbed into his machine and
whirled down the road.
But Hugh's buoyant nature soon re.
asserted itself He had never yet fail
ed In anything that he had undertak
en. Why, then, should he fall when It
came to winning a wife?
Confident that when the time1 really
came the girl would capitulate, he pig'
eonholed his courtship for future at
tention, and gave all his energies Into
the prosecution of his campaign
against Wheato.
For a week or more the campaign
progressed In a most satisfactory man
ner. Consumers and Jobbers through
out the country responded in a wonder
fully gratifying manner to Hugh's ag
gressive advertising. He felt that his
efforts were already crowned with sue
cess. His salesmen everywhere report
ed that the sales of Wheato had
greatly decreased.
Then suddenly, out of a clear sky
came a storm cloud. The Wheato com
pany. In page advertisements in many
leading newspapers, published a com
plete report of the method by which
Wheatflaka was manufactured. In
this report It was shown that three
times during the process the food was
touched by human hands.
The Wheato company pointed out to
the public the danger of contamina
tion and pollution of the food through
this agency, and further declared that
Wheato was manufactured by the most
cleanly process which could possibly be
used.
The effect of this advertising was to
cut the sales of Wheatflaka in half at
once. Hugh Immediately ordered the
entire process of manufacture changed,
but he realized that it would be some
timebefore the food recovered from Its
slump.
For the time his campaign against
Wheato was abandoned. He was too
busy endeavoring to hold his own. busi
ness together to bother much about the
enemy.
It was a rather discouraged Hugh
who came upon the girl for the second
time as he plowed through the deep
snow in his big car.
Arrayed as before, she was standing
just inside the gate leading to her
home. The house where she and her
widowed mother lived was a big affair,
a half mile or so down the road from
Hugh's home.
The girl actually smiled as she saw
Hugh's disconsolate and haggard face.
"Why, It's the Breakfast Food man,"
she laughed. "Have you come to
marry me, Mr. Food?" she asked gay
lv.
"Not yet," replied the man dogged
ly. "But I m going to some day. Heav
ens, how I love you!" he cried as he
gazed hungrily at her flushed face. "I
never knew wnat it was oeiore to love.
Now, when I can't have you right when
I want you my whole being cries aloud
for you."
The girl, her face all aflame, laughed
again this time rather constrainedly.
"Really you are a very original lover,
Mr. Food." she said. "None of the oth
er men have ever said such things to
me so unconcernedly.
-"Who are the other men?" demand
ed Hugh fiercely. Then he laughed at
himself. "I'm hardly In a position now
to ask," he went on. "But I'm going to
win out; I'm going to win at that fac
tory and then I'll come and win you!"
He jerked the lever forward and the
great car shot away.
However, despite Hugh's confident
prediction he found it exceedingly dif
ficult to win out In his fight against
Wheato. In fact, the campaign went
so severely against him that in a short
time he found himself facing failure.
It was then that the girl rose upper
most in his . thought, to the exclusion
even of his business worries. Finally,
doggedly, he went to see the girl him
self. She entered the room In her home,
where he awaited her, with a smile
on her Hps. She became serious in
stantly, though, when she" saw his
haggard face and the new lines lately
etched in it.
, "Dear," said Hugh, abruptly. "I've
come to you now in a different mood.
For the first time In my life I face i
defeat in my business, and I know
now I realize that I cannot win you.
"It is to tell you that I still love you.
and that some time, when I have be
gun life anew, I'm going to return and
try, as best I can to win you. I want
to apologize for the manner In which
Ihave courted you heretofore."
For a moment the girl looked at
him, then averting her eyes, she spoke
quickly:
"I know exactly how you stand in
your business," she said. "I am the
cause of it. Don't interrupt me. Just
before my father died he purchased a
controlling interest In the Wheato
Company, and the fight which was
waged against you was at my Instiga
tion. I I thought I hated you."
Hugh rose abruptly, Dut tne girl
hurried on.
"You need lose but little after all,"
said the glrL "The demand for
Wheato has Increased, so that ad
ditional factories are imperative. We
will take over your factories for a
price that will let them out, or we will
consolidate with you."
"Bother the business," cried Hugh,
jumping to his feet, "rou you don't
hate me?"
"No," murmured the girl.
"Then Is it can you possibly "
The girl looked upward at him shy
ly. What Hugh say there gave him
courage.
"We'll consolidate!" he cried, great
Joy In his voice, and he ratified the.
consolidation with a kiss. (Copy
righted 1909 by Associated Literary
Press.)
HUMOR OF THE DAY
Ambiguous. "Has your husband con
cluded to Join our temperance society?"
"No he still wavers." Fliegende Blatter.
A Sociologist "He's a sociologist. Isn't
he?" - "I should say he Is. He can enter
tain a whole room full of company." De
troit Free Press.
A Toast. The latest thing in toasts
comes from "up-state," and was responded
to Dy tne ratner or twelve aaugnters, wno
claims that he ought to know: "To the
ladies to their sweetness we give love; to
their beauty admiration, and to their hats
the whole sidewalk." New York Times.
No Walts. No Delays. Jim the Stable
Boy My word, sir, you 'ave given the
'orse a doing up. Why, he's fairly "run
out." Johnson the Patron Well, you see,
I drove to my aunt's funeral and I had to
keep up with the hearse for decency's
sake. The Tatler.
The Young Rockefeller. "Mother, If
Santa Claus comes down the chimney he'll
have to walk through the kitchen, won't
he?" "I suppose he will, dear." "Well,
don't you think we'd maybe better lock up
the preserves?" Brooklyn Life.
"A man never knows how many friends
he has until he experiences real sorrow."
"Oh, I don't know. Did you ever have It
known that you had shot and brought
home a deer?" Detroit Free Press.
"I notice one harbinger of the new year."
"What's that?" "The 1909 models In auto
mobile jokes are out." Louisville Courier
Journal. "Pa "Well, what now?" "What's ata
vism?" "Atavism is why a descendant of
an old family robs a bank." Cleveland
Leader.
Customer My hair is falling out. Can
you give me something to keep it in? New
cierK twno wants to De oaugmg) toil
might take this cigar box. Women often
keep theirs in such boxes. Judge.
"Goodness me! You don't say!" "It's
true as Gospel. I heard it from Mrs.
Jones, and her cook's fellow lives right
next door to their washerwoman, so, you
see,- I get it direct." Browning's Maga- '
z.'ne.
First Shopgirl Miss Blank is going
away. Second Shopgirl Is she leaving for
good? First Shopgirl No; for better or
worse. Brooklyn Life.
"Who Is that singing so dreadfully out
of tune?" "It Is my wife." "Perhaps the
accompanist plays out of tune." "She Is
accompanying herself." Megendorfer
Blaetter. -
Madge Miss Avoirdupois Is taking horse
back riding. Has she got off any fat?
Dolly Yes, off the horse. Lippincott's.
Pearl In the first chapter of this novel
it states that the heroine has hazel eyes;
in another It alludes to her liquid eyes.
Ruby Liquid? Well r perhaps she has
witch hazel eyes. Chicago News.
"Kisses are intoxicating," said he,
"Well?" said she. "And I'm a mistle
toper." Louisville Courier-Journal.
"A case of love at first sight, eh?" "No,
second sight. The first time he saw her
he didn't know that she was an heiress."
Boston Transcript,
"I hardly know my wife by sight. You
see, I made her acquaintance at the mask
ed ball, and now we're traveling in our
auto all the time!" Jugend.
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchison Globe.
There are two kinds of advertising:
One kind doesn't do any good.
What causes most worry In the
average town household? We believe
It is the milk supply.
A good way to kill a story Is to pre
face it by saying It Is the funniest
story you ever heard.
How hard a man works for the first
few hours after he discovers he has
been talking too much!
The word "genial" is never used to
describe women,, although women are
more genial than jmen.
A great many people do not seem to
know that a store Is a place to buy
goods and not to argue.
An old man has one comfort; he Is
old enough to know there is no fun in
a "party, and refuses to go.
You can't say anything so mean
about the men that there are not
some women who will believe It.
A good many people are suspicloua
of kindness and politeness; they are
used so often as a means to vic
timize. It takes most people we know until
Wednesday night to become recon
ciled to beginning another week's
work.
There is one thing about a lecture:
You can wait until the last moment,
and then get a whole row of front
seats.
If you want to know how people
speak of you behind your back, listen
to the reckless way in which they
pitch into others.
"When a man applies to me for a
job," said a business man the other
day, "I'd rather hear what he has
done than what he intends to do."
This is the year when women ask
credit for taking off their hats at the
theater, and expect a man to sit
patiently behind a mass of waves and
marcelled doughnuts.
An old fashioned sight we miss
these days Is tho boy with, warts on
his hands. Also, the cross eyed boy,
the boy who stutters, and the boy
with sore lips. Boys seem to Improve
In everything except manners.
When a man and his wife are out
together, the wife does a lot of talk
ing; not that she has anything to sav.
but she imagines that if she talks
vivaciously to her husband every on
will think he enjoys hearing her.
I