The Topeka state journal. [volume], March 02, 1911, LAST EDITION, Page 4, Image 4

About The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980

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THE TOPEKA DAILY STATE JOURNAL THXTBSDAY EVENING, MARCH 1911.
crprka tate ,5 crura al
By FRANK P. MAO LENNAN.
Entered July 1, 1875. as second-class
rrmiier .t me postomce at lopeKa, wan,,
vnaer me act 01 congress. j
VALUME XXXVIII .....No. 51
Official State Paper.
Official Paper City of Topeka.
Dally edition, delivered by carrier. 10
cent a week to any part or Topeka, or
suburbs, or at the uim price In any Kan
sac town where the paper haa a carrier
system.
By mall, on year................ -J3.W
men, tnree montni w
aturday edition of dally, one year.... 1M
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Chicago Office: Hartford building, Paul
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FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.
The State Journal Is a member of the
Aaaoclated Press and receive the full day
telegraph report of that great newe or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication In Topeka.
The news la received In The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur
pose. German universities appear to be
.going the limit In providing for higher
education. Eleven of them have de
cided to establish courses In aeronaut
tics.
John Hays Hammond ought to make
a most acceptable special ambassador
from the United States to the corona
tion of King George of England. He
has an extensive bank roll.
It's a long road without a turn even
In the athletic activities of Washburn
college. This year's basket ball team
at that Institution is of the champion
ship variety, and the debating team
won its first contest in handsome style.
Conditions seem to be improving
even in Russia. A prominent army of
ficer has just been sent to prison for
demanding and receiving bribes from
army contractors. This used to be'the
accepted order of doings in the land
of the Czar.
Unfortunately, conditions were such
on the first day of March as to open
the way foi an argument as to whether
the month came in like a lion. Still,
this is one of those subjects, the dis
cussion of which does no particular
harm. .
Now that the army and navy appro
priation bills have been disposed of by
congress, the Japanese war scare has
been carefully put away in pickle, and
it won't be Eerved up again until an
other congress Is called on to make
appropriations for military purposes.
Indications are that Mexico expects
little time, or maybe future contingen
cies are being provided against. At
any rate the government has ordered
the construction of 100 steel war cars,
or traveling arsenals, for use on the
railroads.
The Cullen gold medal of the Amer
ican Geographical society is to be pre
sented to Professor Wagner of the
University of Gottingen. Germany, for
his achievements In geography. Is It
Impertinent to inquire if the savants
at the University of Copenhagen have
passed on Professot Wagner's qualifi
cations? AH the . world is waiting with bated
breath for the conclusion of the
International chess championship
matches which are being played at
San Sebastian. There ought to be an
International law against chess play
ers or any other set of men working
the people up Into such frenzied ex
citement. Plans are being perfected by the
big Westinghouse Interests whereby
the workmen in its many plants are
to have the privilege of becoming
stockholders in the concern. This is
also another privilege that the work
men will have to pay for, although
they probably will get better terms
than the general investing public.
No doubt about it, the United States
senate Is strong on precedent. It has
Just Indulged in the futile folly of
holding an all-night session during
which , nothing was accomplished. If
euch a session as this were not held at
least once during each session of con
gress the reputation of the senate
would be more or less sullied.
Speaking of clever press agents, how
about Miss Carolina White, who sings
the leading role In Puccini's new opera
"The Girl of the Golden West?" It
has Just opened an engagement in
Chicago and Miss White after the
opening performance delivered herself
of an interview in which she said Chi
cago was sure to become the. center
about which the world would move.
Another woman who claims to.be a
daughter of the late Lucky Baldwin
has bobbed up with a request that
one-third of the jn.OOO.GOO estate left
by him be turned over -to her. .This
means more work for another .rrmt
array of lawyers, and it -is likely-that
when all these suits against the Bald
win -estate are settled the lawyer will
have most of it.
That attempt of Australia to bar all
trusts from doing business within its
confines will probably fail fiat. The
great trouble is ' that it is well nigh
impossible to recognize some of the
trusts at sight. Indeed, most of them
are invisible and rather intangible
affairs that are hard to tag No
monopoly parades around with a. sign
on it I am a trust.-" - They live and
work in devious ways. ;
PENSIOXS FOB TEACHERS.
In view of the fact that the senate
has passed the bill which will permit
beards of education In the cities of the
f rst-class. In thir discretion, ti estab
lish a pension system for the teachers,
it is to be hoped that the house of rep
resentatives will take similar action.
Such a law will mark a step of progress
in Kansas. These teachers' pension
systems have been In operation In sev
eral of the large cities of the country
for many years, and they have work
ed to the advantage of the teachers
and the schools. And if they are good
things for the larger cities, they are
equally as good for smaller ones.
Nowadays when the cost of living
has reached a high level from which it
is not likely to recede In any material
fashion. It is no more than just that
the school teachers should be provided
for in their declining years. Few, if
any of them, are overpaid. Indeed, for
the equipment and education they are
supposed to bring to their work, and
which most of them do. the compensa
tion that is accorded them is anything
but proportionately proper. Because of
this fact, it is unreasonable to assume
that they can lay aside a sufficient sum
to keop them in ease and comfort when
their days of teaching are over. As
the bill In question has been drawn the
pension fund will not Impose much of
an additional, burden on the people.
Most of it will be raised by assessment
on the salaries of the teachers, and
such of it as ' oards of education have
to contribute could well be saved by
those bodies on other items of school
administration.
The establishment of this pension
system will mean,- much more than
merely providing a competence for
teachers who have served in the schools
a sufficient number of years to entitle
them to it. The way will be opened for
strengthening the : teaching forces.
Teachers are just like all' other per
sons engaged in other activities of
life. Many of them reach the point
where the years have begun to tell on
them and when they have outlived
their usefulness. They hesitate to re
tire, even if they recognize their fail
ing powers themselves, because they
have nothing much to live on. A board
of education likewise hesitate to re
quest resignations under such circum
stances. It would, indeed, be a heart
less thtng to turn aged teachers out
on the world, after many years of
faithful service, for the mere reason,
even if it might be a sufficient one.
that their work could be carried on In
better fashion by younger and more
modern teachers.
But with a pension system in vogue
such superannuated teachers could be
relieved of their charges In an honor
able fashion, and one that would be
acceptable to every one concerned. All
of the organizations of teachers In the
state are In favor of this bill. It
should become a law. The senate has
started the ball a-rolllng. The house
should push it along. The governor, no
doubt, will do his part. Thus will a
law be enacted .which will be well
worth while.
AMENDING THE CONSTITUTION.
The constitution must be essentially
a stable instrument sufficiently stable
that it will not be changed by merely
passing ideas, writes Walter K. Tuller
in the March number of the North
American Review. But since it oper
ates not only as a grant, but as a limi
tation of the powers of the govern
ment. It must not be so rigid that it
can not be altered to meet the needs
of the times, as new and different con
ditions affecting the national life arise."
The constitution must be above light
and whimsical changes, but it must
not be so rigid and unyielding that It
can not be moulded to fit the condi
tions under which the nation actually
exlsts. - II it is, it is almost certain
to be not a guaranty of liberty and
advancement, but a hindrance to
progress, and it may eventually be
come an instrument of oppression.
When a large majority of the people
are convinced that the best interests
of the nation require a certain change
in the, constitution, it should not be
within the power of a small minority
to block their action. - The two re
quirements of a constitution just men
tioned are of equal importance. The
framers of the constitution recognized
this fact, and while making ample
provision for the stability of that in
strument they also provided a direct
means by which it could be amended
in response to the voice of tho people.
At the time of the adoption of the
constitution there were but thirteen
states. The concurrence of two
thirds of them was not a matter of
very great difficulty. But in the hun
dred and twenty-three years since the
constitution was framed the country
has grown enormously, probably be
yond the fondest dreams of any man
then living. Today there are forty
six states. To secure the concurrence
of two-thirds of the states, which was
a matter of comparative simplicity
then, has become one of the greatest
difficulty. It would seem that it
might be well to amend article V of
the constitution to provide that when
ever one-half of the states concur In
applying therefor a constitutional
convention shall be called.
The stability of the constitution is
amply guaranteed. The extreme diffi
culty of securing the concurrence of
three-fourths of the states on any pro
posed, change itself insures that no
amendment will be adopted without
careful and critical analysis. The
danger today, as our social, industrial
and governmental activities are be
coming more and more Comdex, is
that the constitution will become too
far removed from the people, and
through its unelasticity and the ex
treme difficulty of changing it to meet
the conditions under which the people
actually live will become a hindrance
to those advances which are essential
to the common good.
Smuggling In Italy.
In no other country are the laws
against smuggling so severe as in
Italy. All the customs officials on the
Swiss frontier are armed with car
bines, and they are authorized to shoot
any smuggler who seeks to evade
them. Any peasant caught with even
one pound of contraband tobacco is
! sure of two years' imprisonment be
' sides a ruinous fine. Still, many are
found to run the risk, for the profits
attached to smuggling are great. A
knapsack full of tobacco, . cigars, ' or
salt safely landed yields a small for
tune to the bearer, so heavy are the
Italian taxes upon these. The custom
house officers can not ' guard every
point at once, and their movements
are closely. watched and reported by
the people, who are all In league
against them. London Chronicle.
JOURNAL ENTRIES
If some people did not brag more
or less they'd be strangers to com
mendation. ,
When business is combined with
pleasure the former is apt to get the
worst of It.
A few men are so confident of their
abilities that they frequently attempt
the impossible.
.
The easiest way to get in good with
a woman is to insist she is attractive
despite her protests that she's not. -
Many women don't thoroughly enjoy
a theatrical performance unless It
works them up to tho crying pitch
JAYHAWKER JOTS
We -would willingly let every dog
nave nis day, says the Marysville Advocate-Democrat,
if they would allow
us- to have our nights in peace.
As the Gove County Republican
says: "A newspaper may say a thou
sand nice things about a man and his-
business, how he Is decorating his win
dows, getting In new goods, expanding
his business, etc., and the editor will
never hear a word of thanks. But let
the paper speak, even unintentionally,
in a manner not complimentary, and
the paper catches what Sherman said
war was. Such is life."
Something pretty classy In the way
of a birth notice in the Lyndon Peo
ple's Herald: The legendary stork,
whose benefactions are gracious, sweet
and precious, left on Saturday, Febru
ary 18, at the home of Mr. and Mrs.
Ed Rockey, as welcome a bundle of
innocent, confiding femininity as ever
adorned a home or filled the expecta
tions of curiosity.
A certain young man in Kureka
tells a pretty one on himself, relates
the Herald of that town. He has a
horse which he prizes very highly. He
recently had a photograph taken of
his horse, his dog and himself. The
dog was in the foreground and he
stood just behind the dog holding the
horse. He took the picture home and
showed it to his wife, asking her if
she did not think it was a pretty good
likeness of him. "yes." she replied,
"it's a perfect picture of you; but who
is the fellow holding tho horse?"
The town prevaricator worked this
one off, according to the LeRoy Re
porter: "When I was back in Indiana
I knew a fellow by the name of Jim
Sanders. One night when I was stay
ing with Jim we got to talking about
echoes. Jim asked me what was the
longest echo I ever heard. I told him
I guessed I had never heard one that
took longer than a minute to get back.
'Shucks,' said Jim, 'that aint nothing.'
Then he pulled -out his watch and
showed me it was just 8 o'clock. Then
we went out doors and hollered as loud
as he could, 'Jim Sanders, 7 o'clock,
time to get up.' And would you be
lieve it, at exactly 7 o'clock the next
morning the echo came back and woke
us up."
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchison Globe.l
No man was ever so busy he forgot
when payday came.
Many people seem to think that the
simple life is a good thing for the
other fellow.
You can't prove that you are a
friend of a man simply by being too
familiar with him.
"Inflammation of the digestion," Is
the way Count McGowan describes
hia wife's recent Illness.
Another thing we have never been
able to understand is why more jur
ors don't get sick on the job.
A woman likes to say of her hus
band that she doesn't believe he ever
would get up If she didn't call him.
It is difficult to convince a lawyer
that there are a number of things
that can't be stopped with an injunc
tion. Why is it when yon are lying awake
listening for the clock to Inform you
of the time it always strikes the half
hour? .'i
Very few men have an ambition to
make garden that grows as rapidly
as the weeds do when warm weather
comes.
While it is all right for a woman
to visit her kin, we contend that she
shouldn't insist on her husband going
with her.
The most foolish man that ever
lived in Atchison was- a fellow who
oiled the grate of his stove to keep It
from squeaking.
What has become of the old-fashioned
man who fastened his watch
chain to the little tab -stitched to the
bosom of his shirt,, - ,
. "I want a pair of ground grippers,"
said Count McGowan the other morn
ing when he went Into a shoe store.
He was after overshoes.
. An Atchison woman whose "par
ents were poor, but who hated to
work, has managed to pick up -'a liv
ing by marrying three times.
Just about the time the sauer kraut
on the; kitchen stove begins to satur
ate the entire' house with Its frag
rance, the pastor calls.
While it isn't necessary to catch
cold in order to get free advice, you
probably can secure more of it in that
way than by any other - known
method.
QUAKER MEDITATIONS. '
From the Philadelphia Record.'
The tenor, as well as the pirate, can
commit murder on the high C.
Many a man carries a dollar watch
who doesn't complain of bad times.
It's all right to be up and .doing, but
don't try to do the wrong fellow.
About the hardest ' thing In the
world to climb is the stool of re
pentance. You have to keep your cellar coaled
if you expect to keep your house
people feel they owe so much
to themselves that they never pay any
body else.
Mr. Gnaggs "I can never- find any
thing about the house when I. want it."
Mrs. Gnasgs "You seem to forget
that you can always find fault."
Starboarder "Slimpurse is actually
praising the landlady's coffee." Hall
room "Yes, Slimpurse always does
that when he's behind a week with his
board."
1 KANSAS COMMENT
AS TO SNOBS.
That town was never so small that it
did not have its quota of snobs. The
pest is universal and is as destructive
to good society, as It is unproductive of
any good. It lays down social rule, de
fining who is eligible to be recognized
and associated with and woe betide the
man or woman who attempts to "butt
In" in opposition ta the decrees of the
snobs. Refinement and education are
Scarcely ever considered requisites to
admission, to the favored of the snobs,
but personal wealth or the wealth of a
father will cover a multitude of short
comings. The young girl of refine
ment, education and high ideals finds
herself barred, while the brainless flirt
who gads about the streets all day 'n
the hope that the boys will take notice
of her is considered highly eligible. The
snob is rank poison to good society and
when anyoae begins to set up lines to
keep out young men and women be
cause of poverty., or because they do
honest work to provide for themselves
or aid their parents they should be sat
upon hard. The young people who
refuse to become drones are entitled to
the greatest respect and encourage
ment and the question of eligibility
into society should be solely a personal
one based on character. Money is an
accident; good breeding and character
are acquisitions which are within the
reach of every Individual and by en
couraging their development we do
much toward the improvement of so
ciety. If we get to be broad enough to
Judge each young man and woman on
individuality and ignore the nonessen-.
tials of environment or worldly wealth
the snob will be pushed Into the back
ground and that is a consummation
most earnestly to be desired. Marys
ville Advocate-Democrat.
BRIBED BY HIS POCKETBOOK.
Bribery of public officers is highly
condemned by all honest men. The
man who. holding public office, accepts
bribe which influences his official con
duct is properly denounced, as one con
temporary puts it as a traitor to his
trust.
There is another bribery however,
more dangerous because more subtle,
for which the law provides no punish
ment and for which only the whip of
public scorn can afford penalty. This
bribery is by one's own pocketbook.
Some men who would scorn the bribe
offered by another will accept without
apparent misgiving bribery from them
selves. "It will hurt my business?" This is
the plea made by persons who are
asKea to take a stand for righteous
ness. It Is a selfish plea, but It is
more; it is a criminal plea. It Is on
the same low plane of bribery that
public opinion condemns and the crimi
nal law punishes.
The reformer meets the evidences of
this subtle form of bribery when he
seeks the support of those who place
self above principle. "Don't quote me
It would hurt my business," is the re
ply to the newspaper reporter when
some question of vital public concern
is under discussion. .
Conservatism is often another name
for cowardice. Silence is golden some
times but gold is the most cowardly
of things. There is no bribery more
poisonous than the bribery of one's
own pocketbook. Such bribery cor
rupts the very fountains of public and
private morality. .
It is desirable to make a living, but
it is necessary to make a life. Selden
Independent.
FROM 01SER PENS
THE AILING SENATE. ,
Does election to the United States
senate put a premium on personal per
versity upon crass, egotistic wrong
headedness? One would say that It did, when a
man like Joseph W. Bailey, of Texas,
goes many n.iles out of his political
way to sound the praise of a discredited
Republican p-litician like William Lor
jmer, cf Illinois.
Or when an impassioned tariff reform
er, like Albert B. Cummins, of Iowa,
makes himself the leader of the oppo
sition to the most effective act of tariff
reform that has been brought forward
for 50 years. Or when the well-reasoned
counsel of New York and Massa
chusetts on great measures is daily
lost in the megaphonic din raised by
the sagebrush statesmen of Idaho on
this, that and the other political quib
ble of debate.
If there is a surprising degree of sup
port for the plan for the popular elec
tion of senators it may be becauv- the
people think that the present system
of election is responsible for the Bail
eys, Heyburns, Tillmans and Jeff Dav
ises of the senate, and that it may be
time for the people, to take the selec
tion of senators as near as may be into
their own hands. We are near the sen
atorial low water mark. Perhaps from
sheer physical necessity the tide will
begin to rise, without any change in
the manner of electing senators. New
York Mail.
THE MAN WHO KNOWS IT ALL.
"The man who knows it all" is found
in every condition of life. In social in
tercourse he flourishes in whatever soil
he may chance to be planted, and once
he makes any headway the comfort of
many rational beings is seriously dis
turbed, until he can be taken up by the
roots and flung aside. His is an ex
asperating nature to deal with, and
tiie seriousness with which he insists
upon being heard and the absolute
certainty of his demeanor would be
ridiculous but for the annoyance he
causes to those forced to subnflt to his
outpourings. In the business world he
Is eVSn more inexcusable, and rarely
achieves the success which one would
infer from his boastful words is his.
The trouble is that it is impossible to
teach him anything; he "knows it all"
anyway, he asserts, so why waste time
npon him when so many of r.is asso
ciates need tuition badly? He takes
out in Imagination what many persons
struggle all their lives to acquire, and
the consequence is he soor. becomes
"jack of all trades and master of none."
He believes in '.ilmself though, or at
least he professes to believe in himself,
and there is no profession, no trade, no
business enterprise of whatever mag
nitude that he would hesitate to un
dertake if the chance were offered him.
Charleston News and Courier.
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
From the New York Press.!
Where a girl takes her mother's ad
vice it's a sign she pretends to.
Talking about the weather could
make Shakespeare look like a bore.
Maybe the reason nearly all women
are so good Is they don't really like
to be.
You can tell how much one woman
hates another by how nice she can be
to her.
To have it reproach you. when It de
served it, the best place for your con
science to be would be in your liver.
DAPHNE.
How strange that Eros should have done
this thing! "
Chill with) a leaden Arrow Daphne's heart
And fire Apollo's breast with golden dart.
Both sped unerring from the same tens
string.
What agonies of grief and suffering
Followed the little tyrant's rankling
smart!
Fear, hate and horror were the maiden's
part
The god's, the zeal a mighty wish will
bring.
So runs the myth;" yet through all after
time The busy boy with clever cunning senda
The winged magic from his fatal bow.
Ah! happy he who at love's perfect prime
Over no cheerless laurel weeps and bends,
But wears the crown love's living joys
bestow.
Alan son Tucker Schumann, in the Bos
ton Transcript.
The Unbidden Guest. ,
Before he can get in the mood for
morning calls John McCarthy, of
beautiful Bayonne, must meet a
friend, and the friend must buy. and
there must rush in a second friend,
who buys also, and while the three
are standing there, Io, in strolls still
another friend, and from then on and
on and on. -
Consider, then, that friendship has
been extolled until nothing remains to
be said; that the "Old Oaken Bucket"
has been sung for times; that the in
dividual match and cork repertoire of
every man present has been exhausted,
and the policy ot Washington Bhaped
as it ought to be. . Then, suddenly, a
lull. No one else buys. Seized with
that mania for making morning calls
which invariably afflicts him in such
crises, McCarthy alleges a most im
portant business engagement and
points his nose for the door.
Perceive McCarthy now as he
alights from a train at Bloomfleld. He
pauses a moment, wondering why he
has chosen Bloomfleld and then smiles
as he descries a tiny suburban domi
cile with pale smoke issuing from its
kitchen chimney.
The family of Dr. Frederick G.
Shaul of Bloomfleld wonders - when
McCarthy strolls In, all amiability and,
with a courtly bow, takes his place at
the luncheon table. Spearing French
chops from wher one sits, inserting
one's thumb in one's coffee cup and
eating muffins whole are practices not
encouraged In the best Bloomfleld cir
cles, but McCarthy has a soul above
conventionalities. While he eats he
talks entertainingly of many themes,
and then weeps as in its order he
comes to the subject of friendship.
Imperturbability still is the most
salient quality about McCarthy as he
stands at attention before Recorder
Cadmus In Bloomfleld court. Dr.
Shaul, his involuntary host, has re
fused to prefer a complaint, but Re
corder Cadmus is adjusting his specta
cles preparatory to giving McCarthy a
"good talking to. A messenger an
nounces that a friend wishes to spe'ak
to the recorder at the telephone
whereupon the magisterial intent
changes to the direct route.
"I will give you just five minutes to
remove yourself from Bloomfleld."
"Your honor is generous," cries Mc
Carthy, with animation. "Two is
more than ample. Observe me."
And before the court clerk can ad
monish those present that there must
be order in court, McCarthy flees
through the doorway and has vanish
ed like a mist. New York Herald.
Terrorized by Wildcats.
Two wildcats that made their den In
the ruins of the old farm house il
which Jake Moore and his aged house
keeper were found murdered more than
ten years ago were killed by Fred
Steiger and Wash Trenchard, local
hunters. Together the cats weighed 55
pounds.
For weeks the animals had terrorized
th" Inhabitants of South Bushville
with hideous cries at night, which at
times could not be distinguished from
those of a child. Women were afraid
to venture out after dark, and the
male population remained at home
rather than take a chance at putting
an end to the disturbance.
When the news reached Steiger and
Trenchard that big game positively ex
isted in the swamp near Bushville they
were not slow in getting together the
best pack of hounds la town for an at
tack. Well armed, the men drove to
the Moore property, and there let the
dogs loose. It became apparent that in
order to rout the game, which evident
ly was concealed under the debris
partly filling the excavation, it was
necessary for one of them to go down
into the pit while the other remained
on guard at the top. This Steiger con
cluded to do, and unstrapping ,his
cartridge belt he made one end fast to
a floor timber and with the other eni.
lowered himself to the bottom. One
after another the dogs plunged head
long into the cellar after their mas
ter. Removing a pile of boards,
Steiger saw a pair of green eyes starr
ing at him not more than 3 feet away,
ne reached for his gun and fired one
barrel. As he did so out jumped two
full-grown wildcats, spitting and snarl
ing with rage. The next instant saw
Steiger in a hand-to-hand conflict with
them, supplemented by half a dozen
dogs, while Trenchard looked on pow
erless to assist his companion. By good
luck Steiger succeeded in killing one of
the cats as it was attempting to get
away through the cellar drain, and the
other was shot by Trenchard after . it
had fought off the dogs and was try
ing to escape across the fields. Mon
ticello, N. Y., dispatch to New York
World.
Guiteau's Head Preserved.
"I was told today that the head of
Guiteau, the assassin of Garfield, is
preserved in a private museum near
Muncie, Ind.," said R. A. Goshorn, a
visitor from Cincinnati, at the New
Willard last night.
"It seems that a distinguished sa
vant out Muncie way has a remark
able collection of curiosities from all
corners of the earth and some things
in his collection are rather grewsome.
He had a fad once for the collection
of clothes, buttons, neckties, and such,
of great men and also for odd things
with a history like pieces of ropes with
which murderers had been hung.
"In some way he secured the head
of Guiteau long after his execution
here in the Washington Jail yard. I
have never met any one here in Wash
ington who could tell me what was
done with Guiteau's body, ; but my
recollection is that it was given to his
sister or other relatives, who looked
upon him as a demented person, rath
er than a criminal. The body of the
assassin of . President - McKinley was
buried in quicklime, so no one could
ret his head or do anything with his
body, but Guiteau lived some time
after Garfield's death and went
through a long trial, so there was a
slight decrease in the bitterness
against him, when he went to the gal
lows." Washington Post. .'. ..... ...
Solving the Food Problem.
A hen belonging to Mrs. Susan Smith
of Bellmore, Long Island, lays such
big eggs that one of them has been
placed on exhibition in the window of
a Bellmore -drug stored The hen is a
Brahma 9 months old. The egg weighs
3 ounces. It Is 2 inches long. 1
inches thick, 7 inches in circumfer
ence the long way. and 6 inches the
short way. New York World. - J
THE EVENING STORY
Dignffiea Sirs. Slade.
(By Effle Stevens.)
"It's father," Clara Horton an
nounced in consternation, as the
crunch, crunch of approaching foot
steps on the gravel walk below was
distinctly heard.
"Then It's up to me to do the van
ishing stunt," Warren Clagett de
clared. "He simply must not find me
here - after having forbidden me the
premises."
. Like many another poor young
man. Warren Clagett had made bold
to love his employer's daughter, with
the usual result he had brought
down the employer's wrath upon his
erring head. Ha knew that discovery
at the present moment would be as
much as his Job was worth, and he
could not afford to lose that while he
was negotiating for, and had almost
secured, a higher salaried position
with the rival firm of Smith ft-Tullar.
for these gentlemen would certainly
have nothing more to say to a young
man who had been fired. And
his marriage with Clara depended
upon his becoming independent of her
father.
He was too honorable to ask the
girl to cast In her lot with his, trust
ing to the slight prospect of her
father forgiving them. But it Is one
thing to ray one must get out of the
way and another thing to do it.
The young couple was having a
stolen Interview In the upper story or
a little building in the grounds of Mr,
Horton's suburban home-, .the lower
story of which was nothing more or
les9 than an open summer house. The
upper room, which Clara, who ' dab
bled a trfle In literature, used for a
warm weather, study, was reached
only by a flight of stairs leading up
through a trapdoor In the floor.
It was useless for Warren to at
temtt an exit by way of the stairs un
less he wished- to run into the arms of
his employer, so he turned his atten
tion to the windows. The building
was low, and he thought he should be
able to scramble from some window
to the ground. Alas! . One glance re
vealed -the fact .that the room con
tained no windows which would not
be in full view of the approaching
Mr. Horton.
Seeing that escape was Impossible,
the young man, looked about him
wildly in search of a spot, however
small, in which he could hide until
Mr. Horton had taken his departure,
But in this direction, too, his hopeE
seemed futile. The whole place did
not contain so much as a cupboard.
And In the wav of furnishings Clara
had affected an almost masculine
simplicity. Across the blank rear
wall of the room were rough shelves
loaded with hooks and papers, but the
curtains, behind which as slender a
person as Warren might have flat
tened himself, had been omitted.
The only article of furniture large
enough to have concealed any one
was the roll-top desk, but unfortu
nately this occupied the middle of the
room, and offered no secure protec
tion. Warren gave Clara a look of comi
cal despair.
"Guess I've got to face the music,
all right," he grinned. ,
But Clara's wits had been working.
She knew how much depended upon
Warren's not being discovered there
by her father. !
With a finger on her lips for Mr.!
Horton could be heard ascending the
steps of the summer house she tip
toed to the opposite side ol tne room
and took down some garments of her
own which were hanging upon a con
venient nail.
Warren did not refuse to allow
himself to be helped Into the long,
loose motoring coat and close, gay
little bonnet. Goggles and a thick
veil wrapped about the lower part of
his lean, smooth shaven face, com
pleted the disguise. Fortunately
Warren was a elender youth while
Clara was decidedly tall for a girl,
and the srarments were a fair fit.
The task was completed not a mo
ment too soon. The conspirators had
barely seated themselves when Mr,
Horton stepped into the room.
"Why, father, aren't you home
early?" Clara asked wirn wen simu
lated unconcern.
"Oh, I had to return after some
naners I'd forgotten, Mr. Horton
explained briskly. "I'm going right
back. Thought I'd run in for a mo
ment's chat."
Then catching sight of the stran
ger he added, "Excuse me. I didn't
vou had company."
Warren trembled lest his employer
recoenize his daughter's apparel when
he felt that gentleman's keen eyes
fixed upon him; bur Mr. Horton
proved himself as indifferent to the
details of feminine attire as the aver-
acre man.
"My friend, Mrs. Milton Slade,"
Clara murmured, realizing wnai po
liteness required of her.
Warren could have groaned in
despair. Why couldn't Clara have
given him some fictitious name in
Rtead of that of a real, though new,
acquaintance? Of course he saw the
point; the real Mrs. siaae was mi
nified, and he er well, he was stiff.
There the resemblance ended. What
if Mr. Horton had seen the lady, even
though he had not met her it was
not at all likely.
But once more Warren's fears
nroverf srroundless.
"Pleased to meet you, I'm sure,"
Mr. Horton declared heartily, start
ing as if to shake hands, but Warren
onlv half rose, inclining his head
slightly. He had no desire to shake
hands.
Mr. Horton was not one, however,
to be easily daunted.
"Fine day for motoring," he con
tinued volubly. "I suppose you mo
tored out, though I didn't see any
car outside.
The too dignified Mrs. Milton Slade
murmured an Inaudible reply.
"Eh, whats that? queried Mr.
Horton.
"Mrs. Slade says that sne sent her
machine back," explained Clara men
daciously, suddenly realizing poor
Warren's plight he possessed a deep
bsLss voIcc
"She has a' terrible cold and it's
Impossible for her to talk much. She
intends to return to the Albion
House, where she is living, you know,
by the next trolley car."
Warren drew a long weain oi
thankfulness, for he had been won
dering what he should do should Mr.
Horton persist in conversing.
"I shall be very pieasea to nave you
return in my car." Mr. Horton in
sisted, graciously. "It will be pleas
anter and quicker."
The two guilty ones gazed at eacn
other In dismay, but there seemed no
way out of the predicament.
If Warren refused to accompany
Mr. Horton, that astute gentleman
would surely suspect something.
Warren slowly preceded Mr. Horton
down the stairs, in an agony of dread
lest his shoes be noticed. He walked.
in auaking silence, beside Mr. Horton
through the yard and let that gentle
man assist him Into the waiting run
about. The . old gentleman sprang
into the chauffeur's seat beside film,
and they were soon whizzing away in
the direction of town. !
Warren was "lost in gloom wonder- s
Ing as to what he should do after Mr. ,
Horton - let him down at the Albion
house. How was he to get out of his
present rig without attracting unde- -slrable
attention? He could not shed
It on the street, and he certainly could
not appear at hia boarding house or
at the office In It.
He was suddenly aroused by a little
gasp from Mr Horton. t He turned
about Just In time to see that gentle
man's hands fall limply rom the driv
ing wheel.
Warren sprang forward and grasped
the wobbling wheel Just in the nick ,
of time to-prevent the car's colliding ;
with another rapidly approaching ma
chine. 'As soon as he could, he brought the
ear to a halt and turned his atten
tion to his companion. He knew
that Mr. Horton had had several
slight heart attacks, which he had
kept from the knowledge of his family,
and he feared the worst.
To his great relief. Warren found
that his employer had not even lost
consciousness.
"My tablets in my Inner pocket,"
he gasped, faintly.
As soon as he had swallowed two of
the tablets Mr. Horton began to feel
"How can I ever thank you, mad
am," he began. "Your presence of
mind undoubtedly saved our lives.
But for you this car would have col
lided with the other." Then he broke
off abruptly and stared hard at War
ren. In the stress of the past few min
utes Warren had forgotten all about
his disguise. He had pulled off his
goggles and the muffling veil, and
the wide bonnet strings were untied
and dangling about a decidedly mas
culine face.
' "Clagett!" gasped Mr Horton and
Warren's face assumed a horrified
expression as he realized what recog
nition meant. -
"You young scamp " Mr. Horton
chuckled weakly. "I thought those
shoulders looked somewhat familiar.
Well, well, since you were on hand
when needed I won't he too hard on
you. If you'd really been the dignified
Mrs. Slade vou nrnhqhlv wnnMn't
have known enough to so stop the car.
my tne way, i near you've Deen trying
for a berth with Smith & Tullar.
You'd better not eo anv further in th
matter. I've always meant to take my
son-in-law into, partnership with me."
T-snY,.tcl,A.4 1 a t 1 V... A , I . , t i.
Clary JTlGSS.
HUMOR Of TNE DAY
oii "iien iimae dv tne large
eaters of old. that made to Charles Gus-
i.ua vi ownjcii wnen ne was oesieging
Prague is worthy of recall. A peasant
offered for the king's amusement to de
vour a large hog then and there. General
Koenigsmark, so runs the tale, suggested
that one with such an appetite ought to
be burned as a sorcerer, on which the
peasant said to the king: "Sir, if your
majesty will make that old gentleman
tfilrA rft hia snua T i I Aa. 1. 1 i. i
; " - ' , a win ca. null UL 1U1 tr l
begin the pig." Argonuat.
A lttflA ) l ! T ,1 BAAn 1 1 . I . . n 1
near "the bearded lady," at one of the
side Rhnwa at a m.n... f.l. 'i-1. v.n.i
being evidently on good terms with the
barker, indicated to the onlooker that it
was probably related to the bewhlskered
fpmnli An sh. a 1 , , ,1 .v. v, j ., . . , t . . ,
bearded lady your mother?" "No," an
swered the erhUri ' "Sh i mtr fatl... " .
Argonaut.
A man left hia limhrplltt In tho RtanH
in a hotel recently with a card bearing
the following Inscription attached to it:
"This umbrella belongs to a man who can
deal a blow of 260 pounds'- weight. I shall
be back In ten minutes." On returning
j Been nis property ne round in its place
a card thus inscribed. "This card was left
here by a man who can run twelve miles
an hour. I shall not be back!" Le Petite
Rire,
"How do you distinguish the waiters
from the guests in this cafe? Both wear
full dress." "Yes, but the waiters keep
sober!" Cleveland Leader.
One of the negroes on John Sharp Wil
liam' place did him quite a valuable ser
vice once, and he wished to show his ap
preciation. After paying hum, Mr. Wil
liams asked: "Now. uncle, which shall I
give you, a ton of coal or a big bottle
of whisky?" "Massa John," he replied,
"yo' shorely knows Ah on'y burns wood."
Argonaut.
This was heard in an overcrowded ele
vated train: "Say, Dick," said the young
man whose football tactics had won him
a strap in the rush. "Say, Dick, I've
been riding on the L' every morning ex
cept Sunday and holidays for two years,
and I've never given up a seat to a lady
yet." "You're a polite one," sneered Dick.
"Nothing of the kind," retorted the younff
man. "I've never had a seat to give up."
Argonaut.
Once upon a time a book agent got the
Hon. Champ Clark, of Missouri, Into a
corner, and, though his victim was help
less, the agent was not cruel. "I beg your
pardon," he said solicitously. "I have a
volume here which I don't want to trou
ble you with, but I hope you will permit
me to show " "Don't apologize, don't
apologize!" Mr. Clark broke in impulsive
ly. "I know you've got to do it. I'm
from Missouri!" Judge.
David Bispham was undergoing the min
istration of the sr-ap's barber. "I 'opes."
said the barber, "that we. shall 'ave the
pleasure of 'earln' you at the concert to
night." "No." explained the famous sing
er, "I've had a long and exhausting sea
son in America and within a few days I
am to open in . London. I have decided
not to do anything on this voyage." "It's
the same way with) me," said the barber,
understanding. "When I'm hashore I
never looks at a razor." Success Maga
zine. -
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
From the Chicago News.
Even the freckle faced girl has her
good spots.
When a man' ceases to doubt he be
gins to do things.
Every man is said to have his price,
but he rarely gets it.
And it's what a man has been that
makes him .what he is. -
It's funny how sympathetic some
people are when it is useless.
Probably there is nothing more in
dustrious than an idle rumor.
Holding his nose to the grindstone
will not sharpen a man's wits.
- Love at first sight may look like
blind love to disinterested psrsons.
Many a man acts like a genius when
all that ails him is indigestion.
Some men go about seeking tempta
tion in order to test their will power.
A man is never too old to learn that
he knows a lot of things he should
forget.
It isn't difficult for a man to get a
woman to agree with him if she isn't
his wife. '
Occasionally a man makes his mark
In the world because his wife makes
him toe it.
When you hear a man say that he
feels better when he works, it's your
cue to make a getaway.
An epithet is applied to a man dur
ing life, while an epitaph doesn't show
up until after his demise.
After a ' widow has made up her
mind to marry another man she be
gins to wear colors to match his com.
plexion.