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THE TOPEKA DAILY STATE JOURNAL THXTBSDAY EVENING, MARCH 1911.
crprka tate ,5 crura al By FRANK P. MAO LENNAN. Entered July 1, 1875. as second-class rrmiier .t me postomce at lopeKa, wan,, vnaer me act 01 congress. j VALUME XXXVIII .....No. 51 Official State Paper. Official Paper City of Topeka. Dally edition, delivered by carrier. 10 cent a week to any part or Topeka, or suburbs, or at the uim price In any Kan sac town where the paper haa a carrier system. By mall, on year................ -J3.W men, tnree montni w aturday edition of dally, one year.... 1M gBEIX TELEPHONE. uainesa Office Vn eportere' Room 571 INDEPENDENT TELEPHONES. Private branch exchange: Call , WJ and ak The Btate Journal operator lor per son or department desired. PERMANENT HO MS. ' . Topeka State Journal building. WO and 102 Kansas avenue, corner Eighth. New Tor Offloe: 250 Filth avenue, Paul Block, manager. Chicago Office: Hartford building, Paul Block, manager. FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS. The State Journal Is a member of the Aaaoclated Press and receive the full day telegraph report of that great newe or ganization for the exclusive afternoon publication In Topeka. The news la received In The State Jour nal building over wires for this sole pur pose. German universities appear to be .going the limit In providing for higher education. Eleven of them have de cided to establish courses In aeronaut tics. John Hays Hammond ought to make a most acceptable special ambassador from the United States to the corona tion of King George of England. He has an extensive bank roll. It's a long road without a turn even In the athletic activities of Washburn college. This year's basket ball team at that Institution is of the champion ship variety, and the debating team won its first contest in handsome style. Conditions seem to be improving even in Russia. A prominent army of ficer has just been sent to prison for demanding and receiving bribes from army contractors. This used to be'the accepted order of doings in the land of the Czar. Unfortunately, conditions were such on the first day of March as to open the way foi an argument as to whether the month came in like a lion. Still, this is one of those subjects, the dis cussion of which does no particular harm. . Now that the army and navy appro priation bills have been disposed of by congress, the Japanese war scare has been carefully put away in pickle, and it won't be Eerved up again until an other congress Is called on to make appropriations for military purposes. Indications are that Mexico expects little time, or maybe future contingen cies are being provided against. At any rate the government has ordered the construction of 100 steel war cars, or traveling arsenals, for use on the railroads. The Cullen gold medal of the Amer ican Geographical society is to be pre sented to Professor Wagner of the University of Gottingen. Germany, for his achievements In geography. Is It Impertinent to inquire if the savants at the University of Copenhagen have passed on Professot Wagner's qualifi cations? AH the . world is waiting with bated breath for the conclusion of the International chess championship matches which are being played at San Sebastian. There ought to be an International law against chess play ers or any other set of men working the people up Into such frenzied ex citement. Plans are being perfected by the big Westinghouse Interests whereby the workmen in its many plants are to have the privilege of becoming stockholders in the concern. This is also another privilege that the work men will have to pay for, although they probably will get better terms than the general investing public. No doubt about it, the United States senate Is strong on precedent. It has Just Indulged in the futile folly of holding an all-night session during which , nothing was accomplished. If euch a session as this were not held at least once during each session of con gress the reputation of the senate would be more or less sullied. Speaking of clever press agents, how about Miss Carolina White, who sings the leading role In Puccini's new opera "The Girl of the Golden West?" It has Just opened an engagement in Chicago and Miss White after the opening performance delivered herself of an interview in which she said Chi cago was sure to become the. center about which the world would move. Another woman who claims to.be a daughter of the late Lucky Baldwin has bobbed up with a request that one-third of the jn.OOO.GOO estate left by him be turned over -to her. .This means more work for another .rrmt array of lawyers, and it -is likely-that when all these suits against the Bald win -estate are settled the lawyer will have most of it. That attempt of Australia to bar all trusts from doing business within its confines will probably fail fiat. The great trouble is ' that it is well nigh impossible to recognize some of the trusts at sight. Indeed, most of them are invisible and rather intangible affairs that are hard to tag No monopoly parades around with a. sign on it I am a trust.-" - They live and work in devious ways. ; PENSIOXS FOB TEACHERS. In view of the fact that the senate has passed the bill which will permit beards of education In the cities of the f rst-class. In thir discretion, ti estab lish a pension system for the teachers, it is to be hoped that the house of rep resentatives will take similar action. Such a law will mark a step of progress in Kansas. These teachers' pension systems have been In operation In sev eral of the large cities of the country for many years, and they have work ed to the advantage of the teachers and the schools. And if they are good things for the larger cities, they are equally as good for smaller ones. Nowadays when the cost of living has reached a high level from which it is not likely to recede In any material fashion. It is no more than just that the school teachers should be provided for in their declining years. Few, if any of them, are overpaid. Indeed, for the equipment and education they are supposed to bring to their work, and which most of them do. the compensa tion that is accorded them is anything but proportionately proper. Because of this fact, it is unreasonable to assume that they can lay aside a sufficient sum to keop them in ease and comfort when their days of teaching are over. As the bill In question has been drawn the pension fund will not Impose much of an additional, burden on the people. Most of it will be raised by assessment on the salaries of the teachers, and such of it as ' oards of education have to contribute could well be saved by those bodies on other items of school administration. The establishment of this pension system will mean,- much more than merely providing a competence for teachers who have served in the schools a sufficient number of years to entitle them to it. The way will be opened for strengthening the : teaching forces. Teachers are just like all' other per sons engaged in other activities of life. Many of them reach the point where the years have begun to tell on them and when they have outlived their usefulness. They hesitate to re tire, even if they recognize their fail ing powers themselves, because they have nothing much to live on. A board of education likewise hesitate to re quest resignations under such circum stances. It would, indeed, be a heart less thtng to turn aged teachers out on the world, after many years of faithful service, for the mere reason, even if it might be a sufficient one. that their work could be carried on In better fashion by younger and more modern teachers. But with a pension system in vogue such superannuated teachers could be relieved of their charges In an honor able fashion, and one that would be acceptable to every one concerned. All of the organizations of teachers In the state are In favor of this bill. It should become a law. The senate has started the ball a-rolllng. The house should push it along. The governor, no doubt, will do his part. Thus will a law be enacted .which will be well worth while. AMENDING THE CONSTITUTION. The constitution must be essentially a stable instrument sufficiently stable that it will not be changed by merely passing ideas, writes Walter K. Tuller in the March number of the North American Review. But since it oper ates not only as a grant, but as a limi tation of the powers of the govern ment. It must not be so rigid that it can not be altered to meet the needs of the times, as new and different con ditions affecting the national life arise." The constitution must be above light and whimsical changes, but it must not be so rigid and unyielding that It can not be moulded to fit the condi tions under which the nation actually exlsts. - II it is, it is almost certain to be not a guaranty of liberty and advancement, but a hindrance to progress, and it may eventually be come an instrument of oppression. When a large majority of the people are convinced that the best interests of the nation require a certain change in the, constitution, it should not be within the power of a small minority to block their action. - The two re quirements of a constitution just men tioned are of equal importance. The framers of the constitution recognized this fact, and while making ample provision for the stability of that in strument they also provided a direct means by which it could be amended in response to the voice of tho people. At the time of the adoption of the constitution there were but thirteen states. The concurrence of two thirds of them was not a matter of very great difficulty. But in the hun dred and twenty-three years since the constitution was framed the country has grown enormously, probably be yond the fondest dreams of any man then living. Today there are forty six states. To secure the concurrence of two-thirds of the states, which was a matter of comparative simplicity then, has become one of the greatest difficulty. It would seem that it might be well to amend article V of the constitution to provide that when ever one-half of the states concur In applying therefor a constitutional convention shall be called. The stability of the constitution is amply guaranteed. The extreme diffi culty of securing the concurrence of three-fourths of the states on any pro posed, change itself insures that no amendment will be adopted without careful and critical analysis. The danger today, as our social, industrial and governmental activities are be coming more and more Comdex, is that the constitution will become too far removed from the people, and through its unelasticity and the ex treme difficulty of changing it to meet the conditions under which the people actually live will become a hindrance to those advances which are essential to the common good. Smuggling In Italy. In no other country are the laws against smuggling so severe as in Italy. All the customs officials on the Swiss frontier are armed with car bines, and they are authorized to shoot any smuggler who seeks to evade them. Any peasant caught with even one pound of contraband tobacco is ! sure of two years' imprisonment be ' sides a ruinous fine. Still, many are found to run the risk, for the profits attached to smuggling are great. A knapsack full of tobacco, . cigars, ' or salt safely landed yields a small for tune to the bearer, so heavy are the Italian taxes upon these. The custom house officers can not ' guard every point at once, and their movements are closely. watched and reported by the people, who are all In league against them. London Chronicle. JOURNAL ENTRIES If some people did not brag more or less they'd be strangers to com mendation. , When business is combined with pleasure the former is apt to get the worst of It. A few men are so confident of their abilities that they frequently attempt the impossible. . The easiest way to get in good with a woman is to insist she is attractive despite her protests that she's not. - Many women don't thoroughly enjoy a theatrical performance unless It works them up to tho crying pitch JAYHAWKER JOTS We -would willingly let every dog nave nis day, says the Marysville Advocate-Democrat, if they would allow us- to have our nights in peace. As the Gove County Republican says: "A newspaper may say a thou sand nice things about a man and his- business, how he Is decorating his win dows, getting In new goods, expanding his business, etc., and the editor will never hear a word of thanks. But let the paper speak, even unintentionally, in a manner not complimentary, and the paper catches what Sherman said war was. Such is life." Something pretty classy In the way of a birth notice in the Lyndon Peo ple's Herald: The legendary stork, whose benefactions are gracious, sweet and precious, left on Saturday, Febru ary 18, at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Ed Rockey, as welcome a bundle of innocent, confiding femininity as ever adorned a home or filled the expecta tions of curiosity. A certain young man in Kureka tells a pretty one on himself, relates the Herald of that town. He has a horse which he prizes very highly. He recently had a photograph taken of his horse, his dog and himself. The dog was in the foreground and he stood just behind the dog holding the horse. He took the picture home and showed it to his wife, asking her if she did not think it was a pretty good likeness of him. "yes." she replied, "it's a perfect picture of you; but who is the fellow holding tho horse?" The town prevaricator worked this one off, according to the LeRoy Re porter: "When I was back in Indiana I knew a fellow by the name of Jim Sanders. One night when I was stay ing with Jim we got to talking about echoes. Jim asked me what was the longest echo I ever heard. I told him I guessed I had never heard one that took longer than a minute to get back. 'Shucks,' said Jim, 'that aint nothing.' Then he pulled -out his watch and showed me it was just 8 o'clock. Then we went out doors and hollered as loud as he could, 'Jim Sanders, 7 o'clock, time to get up.' And would you be lieve it, at exactly 7 o'clock the next morning the echo came back and woke us up." GLOBE SIGHTS. From the Atchison Globe.l No man was ever so busy he forgot when payday came. Many people seem to think that the simple life is a good thing for the other fellow. You can't prove that you are a friend of a man simply by being too familiar with him. "Inflammation of the digestion," Is the way Count McGowan describes hia wife's recent Illness. Another thing we have never been able to understand is why more jur ors don't get sick on the job. A woman likes to say of her hus band that she doesn't believe he ever would get up If she didn't call him. It is difficult to convince a lawyer that there are a number of things that can't be stopped with an injunc tion. Why is it when yon are lying awake listening for the clock to Inform you of the time it always strikes the half hour? .'i Very few men have an ambition to make garden that grows as rapidly as the weeds do when warm weather comes. While it is all right for a woman to visit her kin, we contend that she shouldn't insist on her husband going with her. The most foolish man that ever lived in Atchison was- a fellow who oiled the grate of his stove to keep It from squeaking. What has become of the old-fashioned man who fastened his watch chain to the little tab -stitched to the bosom of his shirt,, - , . "I want a pair of ground grippers," said Count McGowan the other morn ing when he went Into a shoe store. He was after overshoes. . An Atchison woman whose "par ents were poor, but who hated to work, has managed to pick up -'a liv ing by marrying three times. Just about the time the sauer kraut on the; kitchen stove begins to satur ate the entire' house with Its frag rance, the pastor calls. While it isn't necessary to catch cold in order to get free advice, you probably can secure more of it in that way than by any other - known method. QUAKER MEDITATIONS. ' From the Philadelphia Record.' The tenor, as well as the pirate, can commit murder on the high C. Many a man carries a dollar watch who doesn't complain of bad times. It's all right to be up and .doing, but don't try to do the wrong fellow. About the hardest ' thing In the world to climb is the stool of re pentance. You have to keep your cellar coaled if you expect to keep your house people feel they owe so much to themselves that they never pay any body else. Mr. Gnaggs "I can never- find any thing about the house when I. want it." Mrs. Gnasgs "You seem to forget that you can always find fault." Starboarder "Slimpurse is actually praising the landlady's coffee." Hall room "Yes, Slimpurse always does that when he's behind a week with his board." 1 KANSAS COMMENT AS TO SNOBS. That town was never so small that it did not have its quota of snobs. The pest is universal and is as destructive to good society, as It is unproductive of any good. It lays down social rule, de fining who is eligible to be recognized and associated with and woe betide the man or woman who attempts to "butt In" in opposition ta the decrees of the snobs. Refinement and education are Scarcely ever considered requisites to admission, to the favored of the snobs, but personal wealth or the wealth of a father will cover a multitude of short comings. The young girl of refine ment, education and high ideals finds herself barred, while the brainless flirt who gads about the streets all day 'n the hope that the boys will take notice of her is considered highly eligible. The snob is rank poison to good society and when anyoae begins to set up lines to keep out young men and women be cause of poverty., or because they do honest work to provide for themselves or aid their parents they should be sat upon hard. The young people who refuse to become drones are entitled to the greatest respect and encourage ment and the question of eligibility into society should be solely a personal one based on character. Money is an accident; good breeding and character are acquisitions which are within the reach of every Individual and by en couraging their development we do much toward the improvement of so ciety. If we get to be broad enough to Judge each young man and woman on individuality and ignore the nonessen-. tials of environment or worldly wealth the snob will be pushed Into the back ground and that is a consummation most earnestly to be desired. Marys ville Advocate-Democrat. BRIBED BY HIS POCKETBOOK. Bribery of public officers is highly condemned by all honest men. The man who. holding public office, accepts bribe which influences his official con duct is properly denounced, as one con temporary puts it as a traitor to his trust. There is another bribery however, more dangerous because more subtle, for which the law provides no punish ment and for which only the whip of public scorn can afford penalty. This bribery is by one's own pocketbook. Some men who would scorn the bribe offered by another will accept without apparent misgiving bribery from them selves. "It will hurt my business?" This is the plea made by persons who are asKea to take a stand for righteous ness. It Is a selfish plea, but It is more; it is a criminal plea. It Is on the same low plane of bribery that public opinion condemns and the crimi nal law punishes. The reformer meets the evidences of this subtle form of bribery when he seeks the support of those who place self above principle. "Don't quote me It would hurt my business," is the re ply to the newspaper reporter when some question of vital public concern is under discussion. . Conservatism is often another name for cowardice. Silence is golden some times but gold is the most cowardly of things. There is no bribery more poisonous than the bribery of one's own pocketbook. Such bribery cor rupts the very fountains of public and private morality. . It is desirable to make a living, but it is necessary to make a life. Selden Independent. FROM 01SER PENS THE AILING SENATE. , Does election to the United States senate put a premium on personal per versity upon crass, egotistic wrong headedness? One would say that It did, when a man like Joseph W. Bailey, of Texas, goes many n.iles out of his political way to sound the praise of a discredited Republican p-litician like William Lor jmer, cf Illinois. Or when an impassioned tariff reform er, like Albert B. Cummins, of Iowa, makes himself the leader of the oppo sition to the most effective act of tariff reform that has been brought forward for 50 years. Or when the well-reasoned counsel of New York and Massa chusetts on great measures is daily lost in the megaphonic din raised by the sagebrush statesmen of Idaho on this, that and the other political quib ble of debate. If there is a surprising degree of sup port for the plan for the popular elec tion of senators it may be becauv- the people think that the present system of election is responsible for the Bail eys, Heyburns, Tillmans and Jeff Dav ises of the senate, and that it may be time for the people, to take the selec tion of senators as near as may be into their own hands. We are near the sen atorial low water mark. Perhaps from sheer physical necessity the tide will begin to rise, without any change in the manner of electing senators. New York Mail. THE MAN WHO KNOWS IT ALL. "The man who knows it all" is found in every condition of life. In social in tercourse he flourishes in whatever soil he may chance to be planted, and once he makes any headway the comfort of many rational beings is seriously dis turbed, until he can be taken up by the roots and flung aside. His is an ex asperating nature to deal with, and tiie seriousness with which he insists upon being heard and the absolute certainty of his demeanor would be ridiculous but for the annoyance he causes to those forced to subnflt to his outpourings. In the business world he Is eVSn more inexcusable, and rarely achieves the success which one would infer from his boastful words is his. The trouble is that it is impossible to teach him anything; he "knows it all" anyway, he asserts, so why waste time npon him when so many of r.is asso ciates need tuition badly? He takes out in Imagination what many persons struggle all their lives to acquire, and the consequence is he soor. becomes "jack of all trades and master of none." He believes in '.ilmself though, or at least he professes to believe in himself, and there is no profession, no trade, no business enterprise of whatever mag nitude that he would hesitate to un dertake if the chance were offered him. Charleston News and Courier. REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR. From the New York Press.! Where a girl takes her mother's ad vice it's a sign she pretends to. Talking about the weather could make Shakespeare look like a bore. Maybe the reason nearly all women are so good Is they don't really like to be. You can tell how much one woman hates another by how nice she can be to her. To have it reproach you. when It de served it, the best place for your con science to be would be in your liver. DAPHNE. How strange that Eros should have done this thing! " Chill with) a leaden Arrow Daphne's heart And fire Apollo's breast with golden dart. Both sped unerring from the same tens string. What agonies of grief and suffering Followed the little tyrant's rankling smart! Fear, hate and horror were the maiden's part The god's, the zeal a mighty wish will bring. So runs the myth;" yet through all after time The busy boy with clever cunning senda The winged magic from his fatal bow. Ah! happy he who at love's perfect prime Over no cheerless laurel weeps and bends, But wears the crown love's living joys bestow. Alan son Tucker Schumann, in the Bos ton Transcript. The Unbidden Guest. , Before he can get in the mood for morning calls John McCarthy, of beautiful Bayonne, must meet a friend, and the friend must buy. and there must rush in a second friend, who buys also, and while the three are standing there, Io, in strolls still another friend, and from then on and on and on. - Consider, then, that friendship has been extolled until nothing remains to be said; that the "Old Oaken Bucket" has been sung for times; that the in dividual match and cork repertoire of every man present has been exhausted, and the policy ot Washington Bhaped as it ought to be. . Then, suddenly, a lull. No one else buys. Seized with that mania for making morning calls which invariably afflicts him in such crises, McCarthy alleges a most im portant business engagement and points his nose for the door. Perceive McCarthy now as he alights from a train at Bloomfleld. He pauses a moment, wondering why he has chosen Bloomfleld and then smiles as he descries a tiny suburban domi cile with pale smoke issuing from its kitchen chimney. The family of Dr. Frederick G. Shaul of Bloomfleld wonders - when McCarthy strolls In, all amiability and, with a courtly bow, takes his place at the luncheon table. Spearing French chops from wher one sits, inserting one's thumb in one's coffee cup and eating muffins whole are practices not encouraged In the best Bloomfleld cir cles, but McCarthy has a soul above conventionalities. While he eats he talks entertainingly of many themes, and then weeps as in its order he comes to the subject of friendship. Imperturbability still is the most salient quality about McCarthy as he stands at attention before Recorder Cadmus In Bloomfleld court. Dr. Shaul, his involuntary host, has re fused to prefer a complaint, but Re corder Cadmus is adjusting his specta cles preparatory to giving McCarthy a "good talking to. A messenger an nounces that a friend wishes to spe'ak to the recorder at the telephone whereupon the magisterial intent changes to the direct route. "I will give you just five minutes to remove yourself from Bloomfleld." "Your honor is generous," cries Mc Carthy, with animation. "Two is more than ample. Observe me." And before the court clerk can ad monish those present that there must be order in court, McCarthy flees through the doorway and has vanish ed like a mist. New York Herald. Terrorized by Wildcats. Two wildcats that made their den In the ruins of the old farm house il which Jake Moore and his aged house keeper were found murdered more than ten years ago were killed by Fred Steiger and Wash Trenchard, local hunters. Together the cats weighed 55 pounds. For weeks the animals had terrorized th" Inhabitants of South Bushville with hideous cries at night, which at times could not be distinguished from those of a child. Women were afraid to venture out after dark, and the male population remained at home rather than take a chance at putting an end to the disturbance. When the news reached Steiger and Trenchard that big game positively ex isted in the swamp near Bushville they were not slow in getting together the best pack of hounds la town for an at tack. Well armed, the men drove to the Moore property, and there let the dogs loose. It became apparent that in order to rout the game, which evident ly was concealed under the debris partly filling the excavation, it was necessary for one of them to go down into the pit while the other remained on guard at the top. This Steiger con cluded to do, and unstrapping ,his cartridge belt he made one end fast to a floor timber and with the other eni. lowered himself to the bottom. One after another the dogs plunged head long into the cellar after their mas ter. Removing a pile of boards, Steiger saw a pair of green eyes starr ing at him not more than 3 feet away, ne reached for his gun and fired one barrel. As he did so out jumped two full-grown wildcats, spitting and snarl ing with rage. The next instant saw Steiger in a hand-to-hand conflict with them, supplemented by half a dozen dogs, while Trenchard looked on pow erless to assist his companion. By good luck Steiger succeeded in killing one of the cats as it was attempting to get away through the cellar drain, and the other was shot by Trenchard after . it had fought off the dogs and was try ing to escape across the fields. Mon ticello, N. Y., dispatch to New York World. Guiteau's Head Preserved. "I was told today that the head of Guiteau, the assassin of Garfield, is preserved in a private museum near Muncie, Ind.," said R. A. Goshorn, a visitor from Cincinnati, at the New Willard last night. "It seems that a distinguished sa vant out Muncie way has a remark able collection of curiosities from all corners of the earth and some things in his collection are rather grewsome. He had a fad once for the collection of clothes, buttons, neckties, and such, of great men and also for odd things with a history like pieces of ropes with which murderers had been hung. "In some way he secured the head of Guiteau long after his execution here in the Washington Jail yard. I have never met any one here in Wash ington who could tell me what was done with Guiteau's body, ; but my recollection is that it was given to his sister or other relatives, who looked upon him as a demented person, rath er than a criminal. The body of the assassin of . President - McKinley was buried in quicklime, so no one could ret his head or do anything with his body, but Guiteau lived some time after Garfield's death and went through a long trial, so there was a slight decrease in the bitterness against him, when he went to the gal lows." Washington Post. .'. ..... ... Solving the Food Problem. A hen belonging to Mrs. Susan Smith of Bellmore, Long Island, lays such big eggs that one of them has been placed on exhibition in the window of a Bellmore -drug stored The hen is a Brahma 9 months old. The egg weighs 3 ounces. It Is 2 inches long. 1 inches thick, 7 inches in circumfer ence the long way. and 6 inches the short way. New York World. - J THE EVENING STORY Dignffiea Sirs. Slade. (By Effle Stevens.) "It's father," Clara Horton an nounced in consternation, as the crunch, crunch of approaching foot steps on the gravel walk below was distinctly heard. "Then It's up to me to do the van ishing stunt," Warren Clagett de clared. "He simply must not find me here - after having forbidden me the premises." . Like many another poor young man. Warren Clagett had made bold to love his employer's daughter, with the usual result he had brought down the employer's wrath upon his erring head. Ha knew that discovery at the present moment would be as much as his Job was worth, and he could not afford to lose that while he was negotiating for, and had almost secured, a higher salaried position with the rival firm of Smith ft-Tullar. for these gentlemen would certainly have nothing more to say to a young man who had been fired. And his marriage with Clara depended upon his becoming independent of her father. He was too honorable to ask the girl to cast In her lot with his, trust ing to the slight prospect of her father forgiving them. But it Is one thing to ray one must get out of the way and another thing to do it. The young couple was having a stolen Interview In the upper story or a little building in the grounds of Mr, Horton's suburban home-, .the lower story of which was nothing more or les9 than an open summer house. The upper room, which Clara, who ' dab bled a trfle In literature, used for a warm weather, study, was reached only by a flight of stairs leading up through a trapdoor In the floor. It was useless for Warren to at temtt an exit by way of the stairs un less he wished- to run into the arms of his employer, so he turned his atten tion to the windows. The building was low, and he thought he should be able to scramble from some window to the ground. Alas! . One glance re vealed -the fact .that the room con tained no windows which would not be in full view of the approaching Mr. Horton. Seeing that escape was Impossible, the young man, looked about him wildly in search of a spot, however small, in which he could hide until Mr. Horton had taken his departure, But in this direction, too, his hopeE seemed futile. The whole place did not contain so much as a cupboard. And In the wav of furnishings Clara had affected an almost masculine simplicity. Across the blank rear wall of the room were rough shelves loaded with hooks and papers, but the curtains, behind which as slender a person as Warren might have flat tened himself, had been omitted. The only article of furniture large enough to have concealed any one was the roll-top desk, but unfortu nately this occupied the middle of the room, and offered no secure protec tion. Warren gave Clara a look of comi cal despair. "Guess I've got to face the music, all right," he grinned. , But Clara's wits had been working. She knew how much depended upon Warren's not being discovered there by her father. ! With a finger on her lips for Mr.! Horton could be heard ascending the steps of the summer house she tip toed to the opposite side ol tne room and took down some garments of her own which were hanging upon a con venient nail. Warren did not refuse to allow himself to be helped Into the long, loose motoring coat and close, gay little bonnet. Goggles and a thick veil wrapped about the lower part of his lean, smooth shaven face, com pleted the disguise. Fortunately Warren was a elender youth while Clara was decidedly tall for a girl, and the srarments were a fair fit. The task was completed not a mo ment too soon. The conspirators had barely seated themselves when Mr, Horton stepped into the room. "Why, father, aren't you home early?" Clara asked wirn wen simu lated unconcern. "Oh, I had to return after some naners I'd forgotten, Mr. Horton explained briskly. "I'm going right back. Thought I'd run in for a mo ment's chat." Then catching sight of the stran ger he added, "Excuse me. I didn't vou had company." Warren trembled lest his employer recoenize his daughter's apparel when he felt that gentleman's keen eyes fixed upon him; bur Mr. Horton proved himself as indifferent to the details of feminine attire as the aver- acre man. "My friend, Mrs. Milton Slade," Clara murmured, realizing wnai po liteness required of her. Warren could have groaned in despair. Why couldn't Clara have given him some fictitious name in Rtead of that of a real, though new, acquaintance? Of course he saw the point; the real Mrs. siaae was mi nified, and he er well, he was stiff. There the resemblance ended. What if Mr. Horton had seen the lady, even though he had not met her it was not at all likely. But once more Warren's fears nroverf srroundless. "Pleased to meet you, I'm sure," Mr. Horton declared heartily, start ing as if to shake hands, but Warren onlv half rose, inclining his head slightly. He had no desire to shake hands. Mr. Horton was not one, however, to be easily daunted. "Fine day for motoring," he con tinued volubly. "I suppose you mo tored out, though I didn't see any car outside. The too dignified Mrs. Milton Slade murmured an Inaudible reply. "Eh, whats that? queried Mr. Horton. "Mrs. Slade says that sne sent her machine back," explained Clara men daciously, suddenly realizing poor Warren's plight he possessed a deep bsLss voIcc "She has a' terrible cold and it's Impossible for her to talk much. She intends to return to the Albion House, where she is living, you know, by the next trolley car." Warren drew a long weain oi thankfulness, for he had been won dering what he should do should Mr. Horton persist in conversing. "I shall be very pieasea to nave you return in my car." Mr. Horton in sisted, graciously. "It will be pleas anter and quicker." The two guilty ones gazed at eacn other In dismay, but there seemed no way out of the predicament. If Warren refused to accompany Mr. Horton, that astute gentleman would surely suspect something. Warren slowly preceded Mr. Horton down the stairs, in an agony of dread lest his shoes be noticed. He walked. in auaking silence, beside Mr. Horton through the yard and let that gentle man assist him Into the waiting run about. The . old gentleman sprang into the chauffeur's seat beside film, and they were soon whizzing away in the direction of town. ! Warren was "lost in gloom wonder- s Ing as to what he should do after Mr. , Horton - let him down at the Albion house. How was he to get out of his present rig without attracting unde- -slrable attention? He could not shed It on the street, and he certainly could not appear at hia boarding house or at the office In It. He was suddenly aroused by a little gasp from Mr Horton. t He turned about Just In time to see that gentle man's hands fall limply rom the driv ing wheel. Warren sprang forward and grasped the wobbling wheel Just in the nick , of time to-prevent the car's colliding ; with another rapidly approaching ma chine. 'As soon as he could, he brought the ear to a halt and turned his atten tion to his companion. He knew that Mr. Horton had had several slight heart attacks, which he had kept from the knowledge of his family, and he feared the worst. To his great relief. Warren found that his employer had not even lost consciousness. "My tablets in my Inner pocket," he gasped, faintly. As soon as he had swallowed two of the tablets Mr. Horton began to feel "How can I ever thank you, mad am," he began. "Your presence of mind undoubtedly saved our lives. But for you this car would have col lided with the other." Then he broke off abruptly and stared hard at War ren. In the stress of the past few min utes Warren had forgotten all about his disguise. He had pulled off his goggles and the muffling veil, and the wide bonnet strings were untied and dangling about a decidedly mas culine face. ' "Clagett!" gasped Mr Horton and Warren's face assumed a horrified expression as he realized what recog nition meant. - "You young scamp " Mr. Horton chuckled weakly. "I thought those shoulders looked somewhat familiar. Well, well, since you were on hand when needed I won't he too hard on you. If you'd really been the dignified Mrs. Slade vou nrnhqhlv wnnMn't have known enough to so stop the car. my tne way, i near you've Deen trying for a berth with Smith & Tullar. You'd better not eo anv further in th matter. I've always meant to take my son-in-law into, partnership with me." T-snY,.tcl,A.4 1 a t 1 V... A , I . , t i. Clary JTlGSS. HUMOR Of TNE DAY oii "iien iimae dv tne large eaters of old. that made to Charles Gus- i.ua vi ownjcii wnen ne was oesieging Prague is worthy of recall. A peasant offered for the king's amusement to de vour a large hog then and there. General Koenigsmark, so runs the tale, suggested that one with such an appetite ought to be burned as a sorcerer, on which the peasant said to the king: "Sir, if your majesty will make that old gentleman tfilrA rft hia snua T i I Aa. 1. 1 i. i ; " - ' , a win ca. null UL 1U1 tr l begin the pig." Argonuat. A lttflA ) l ! T ,1 BAAn 1 1 . I . . n 1 near "the bearded lady," at one of the side Rhnwa at a m.n... f.l. 'i-1. v.n.i being evidently on good terms with the barker, indicated to the onlooker that it was probably related to the bewhlskered fpmnli An sh. a 1 , , ,1 .v. v, j ., . . , t . . , bearded lady your mother?" "No," an swered the erhUri ' "Sh i mtr fatl... " . Argonaut. A man left hia limhrplltt In tho RtanH in a hotel recently with a card bearing the following Inscription attached to it: "This umbrella belongs to a man who can deal a blow of 260 pounds'- weight. I shall be back In ten minutes." On returning j Been nis property ne round in its place a card thus inscribed. "This card was left here by a man who can run twelve miles an hour. I shall not be back!" Le Petite Rire, "How do you distinguish the waiters from the guests in this cafe? Both wear full dress." "Yes, but the waiters keep sober!" Cleveland Leader. One of the negroes on John Sharp Wil liam' place did him quite a valuable ser vice once, and he wished to show his ap preciation. After paying hum, Mr. Wil liams asked: "Now. uncle, which shall I give you, a ton of coal or a big bottle of whisky?" "Massa John," he replied, "yo' shorely knows Ah on'y burns wood." Argonaut. This was heard in an overcrowded ele vated train: "Say, Dick," said the young man whose football tactics had won him a strap in the rush. "Say, Dick, I've been riding on the L' every morning ex cept Sunday and holidays for two years, and I've never given up a seat to a lady yet." "You're a polite one," sneered Dick. "Nothing of the kind," retorted the younff man. "I've never had a seat to give up." Argonaut. Once upon a time a book agent got the Hon. Champ Clark, of Missouri, Into a corner, and, though his victim was help less, the agent was not cruel. "I beg your pardon," he said solicitously. "I have a volume here which I don't want to trou ble you with, but I hope you will permit me to show " "Don't apologize, don't apologize!" Mr. Clark broke in impulsive ly. "I know you've got to do it. I'm from Missouri!" Judge. David Bispham was undergoing the min istration of the sr-ap's barber. "I 'opes." said the barber, "that we. shall 'ave the pleasure of 'earln' you at the concert to night." "No." explained the famous sing er, "I've had a long and exhausting sea son in America and within a few days I am to open in . London. I have decided not to do anything on this voyage." "It's the same way with) me," said the barber, understanding. "When I'm hashore I never looks at a razor." Success Maga zine. - POINTED PARAGRAPHS. From the Chicago News. Even the freckle faced girl has her good spots. When a man' ceases to doubt he be gins to do things. Every man is said to have his price, but he rarely gets it. And it's what a man has been that makes him .what he is. - It's funny how sympathetic some people are when it is useless. Probably there is nothing more in dustrious than an idle rumor. Holding his nose to the grindstone will not sharpen a man's wits. - Love at first sight may look like blind love to disinterested psrsons. Many a man acts like a genius when all that ails him is indigestion. Some men go about seeking tempta tion in order to test their will power. A man is never too old to learn that he knows a lot of things he should forget. It isn't difficult for a man to get a woman to agree with him if she isn't his wife. ' Occasionally a man makes his mark In the world because his wife makes him toe it. When you hear a man say that he feels better when he works, it's your cue to make a getaway. An epithet is applied to a man dur ing life, while an epitaph doesn't show up until after his demise. After a ' widow has made up her mind to marry another man she be gins to wear colors to match his com. plexion.