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THE NATIONAL TlilBUNE: WASHINGTON, IX C, SEPTEMJJEJl 17, 1SS1. THE SONG OF THE SAW. With careworn face and a ragged coal That napped in the wintry blast, J, n old man stood by a log of wood. And his saw was Hying fast, His saw was flying fast. And the air with its music rang, And tuning his throat to the dissonant note. This mournful song he wing : "Saw! saw! saw J Tn eold, in heat, and in rain, 'fill every stroke in the reasoned oak Seems tearing into my brain. Tim coat on my back is old, 3fy home is a hovel poor. And my saw I run from sun till sun, To keep the wolf from the door. ".Saw! saw! saw ! Through knot and knarls 1 go, And my breath comes quick as the log grows thick And the saw runs heavy and slow. Oh, you in your cosy rooms. With all that your hearts desire, TLs not the wood, but human blood, You're burning upon the fire. "San: saw! saw! Forever the whole day long, And at night it seems that my torturing dreams Arc fdlcd with the grating song. The. log is a human life, My saw is the course of time, And'every stroke in the seasoned oak Ts a year from a wasting prime; And as 1 near the bark, More swiftly my saw does run, Tiil the billet drops, and then it stops Like lime when life is done. "Saw! saw! saw! How long is the weary day Till the sun lias set, and I sadly get At night my paltry pay. Tis, oh, to be a horse In my rich employer's stall If I must toil, and sweat, and moil. To earn a cup of gall ; For he at least has care. And the best of food has he, While scant is my sliare of the hardest fare. And nobody cares for me." Saw! saw! saw! And shrinking before the blast, An old man stood by a pile of wood, And his saw was flying fast, His saw was flying fast, And the wind was biting and raw, And still as he severed the logs in two, Oh, would that the world his misery knew. He sang the "Pong of the Saw." AVjcrt B. Paine. PLAYING AT CIRCUS. Mr. Biggs was sauntering around the Union Depot as the evening train came in from Buffalo, -when surprised with : "Why, Biggs! How are you, old fellow ?" '-Well, if it ain't Jack Duncan! Glad to scp you. Come right along home with me." "2?o, Biggs, I'm too dirty. Been snowed in on ihe road; helped shovel snow, slept in a bar- .uvi. V.r.i-,-,'4- lol o nlinniTA ni' cliirtfi for 'A Wfek." tU L vfa- - w , "Spernund appearances, nobody at the house. , t -ri. 4i i -.,. nn nil nir"hr ! IS. y wife took the three p. m. tor an all night r., . . , ti "ii tmi r,.;cii o ' with her sister in Pamesville. Ill furnish a shlrttmd I've not a fine bath-room in the house. , Oome, now: you haven't honored me since I married.'5 "Well, since the wife is away I'll surrender. We'll have a regular rooster night of it.' .Tnrfr Thinrain is n luirfiftlor. with a holv horror - t- , .oi, ,i "with these little Chinese gun-vessels, with a of women. Feminine presence paralyzes and . , ,,.c , . ' speed oi sixteen knots, which could be main- .sf ultines him. 1. , , ' . -Here's the linen," showing him into the hath- , tamed for nearly a week, and a turning power room a few minutes later. "There's the hath enabling them to steam in a circle ol loO yards all readv. Now shape up while I go down to Joe ; nid.u. these little vessels could choose their own HiAnraVsand order up one of our old college range, and while discharging shells at a corn lunches. Nobodv in the house: so just splash paratively large target would be themselves around at pleasure." Kiggs departed, leaving the door ajar. Jack did not notice it in his eagerness for emersion. He had just tumbled out and resumed his aii f&rioons when he heard footsteps approaching the door. Thinking it w:is T.iggs returning lie sieed the freshly laundricd shirt, opening at the buck, and jammed his head into it. It came down over his iace, completely blindfolding him. ami. the tanh lutflled his efforts to tunnel through. Just as he commenced straddling around with siiSKinder dangling, he heard a rustle that con cealed his blood. The door -.queaked. and a clierry T'oicx said : Now Tve got you Mr. liiggs. The train left me, so 1 made a call -or two and came back. I hc:ird you playing sea lion in the bath-room as I entered the boue-, 1 got the buggy whip and slipped up to pay you back for everlastingly teas m roe. Now. I'm ring master, dear hubby. Move lively!" And she popped her whip in a business way that suspended the bachelor's ani mation. The shirt hid his face, and, taking his silence for a spousal submission to the joke, she began: ""Gentleman and ladie: Mademoiselle Biggs, queen of the sawdust arena, will now introduce her handsome and perfectly trained trick mule, Hubby Darling. He will walk the arena on hi hind feet with his head and forepaws shrouded in a linen canopy. Come now, 1 Tubby! Hoop la! hoop la!" she chirped, fetching him a wipe with the whip that made his bare feet spank the floor like a iHog dancer. "Limber up Hubby! Lively now. Up, up, rrv' and she underscored the last "up' with a briar cut, making Hubby Darling ski) so impul sively that darling's dangling suspender swished about like a donkey's tail, and his hands dove instkn-tly to the preservation of his unstayed pantaloons. M I blindfolded Hubby Darling to prevent him tifimbing the center-pole. He's the trickiest donkey that vsivorts the magic circle. The peer Jess prance of the canvas pavillion. Hoop la! (Zip she takes him.) What beautiful action! Yet, fellow-countrymen, I never curry him down with anything but this silk-blo.ssomed snapper. Hoop hi! (Popkerslash.) "I cover his ears that be may not ofl'end the -most fastidious: they resemble a cross between za mail bag and tQ human appendage. Hoop, la! Zip, -zip. I Let the Golden Cornet Band dish up Fishers Hornpipe red-hot and highly flavored, iuid Hubby Darling shall " ' I?-b-beg your p-pardon, m-madam," sputtered the victim, as bis bead and voice shol out of the jshirt. Then She started, .-.lopped. Spell-bound, amazed ; The whip ,he dropped, And then ilie rawi A Cherokee shriek .And down -.he.doppc'l. But the terrified sufferer caught her gallantly in his arms, just as Biggs rushed in with "Jack, are you drowning? Great heavens! my Avife!1' t Take her Biggs. I'm t uekered out . A wk ward predicament " "Explain yourself instantly, sir! You half dressed, my wife in your arms!'' and he bristled 1 all over like a harbed wire fence. ; " 1 fold on, Biggs: I've got about all I can stand. Let me get my clothes on and I'll go where men are not mart vrs. Your wife thought 1 was " "Hubby, darling oh. that blindfold!'1 mur-i mured the queen of the arena, half consciously. ' :lfear that, sir! What's that about blind-. fold?" " j " I srot stuck in that confounded shirt. Your i 0 wife took me for " "The Peerless Pmncer of the Avena. Hoop la!" gasped the queen, rousing a little. "Merciful heavens! Hear that raving! You've dethroned my wife's reason. Oh, base ingrate! Don't leave this house at the peril of your life. You shall" " Dance the sawdust on his hind feet," mut tered the queen convulsively. " My poor wife ! I will avenge your wrongs." groaned Biggs, chafing her limbs agonizingly. " My head was fast in the shirt. She couldn't see my face and thought it was you," shrieked the tortured, hoarsely. "Very likely! Be a man, sir. Don't shrink from the punishment of your treachery ! " "Where am I? Is it a dream?" mused the queen, opening her optics and glaring wildly. "What has that villain done?" demanded Biggs fiercely. She hitched on at once. " Oh, mercy ! It is no dream. I f e did nothing. Take me to my room. Oh, husband how could you be so careless ! " " Don't go, Jack : maybe I've made a zebra of myself; stay now till the fog rises : and he bore his wailted wife away. An hour later thev sat around a marvelous supper, Biggs made a second trip to order. They held their sides and shrieked and repeated the . . L points ot the episode, again anu again. Jack is christened lt Hubby Darling." He sighs for more marriage felicity. j When Biggs wants to silence his wife he snaps his fingers and pipes Hoop la!" GREAT GUNS! I A dispatch from Yokohama, August 12, re-- ports the arrival at Shanghai, in charge of . British officers, of the Hew alphabetical gun boats, the Iota, Kappa, and Lambda. Eleven of ' these vessels have been sent out thus far, and ! two more are to he delivered, or thirteen alto- Armstrong & Co. The J . ' ? . A last two are an improvement on the others, and 1 .cm ti; of them Broad Arrow says: ''The Italian .ln, orA nf ,,nm Hc-nW- "4 ", ; ' -, ,,' nftf, ment, and the Inflexible weighs upwards of 10,000 ! tons, and yet we find a little gun-vessel of 1,350 ! tons ranking but second to them in regard to ! the penetrative power of the guns carried. There ls " uiutimuicu -i ." -1- JiniClUiUiy UllUlil mu iuii vi uii piuis un which our unarmored vessel.-, are armed. L'ntil very recently the Admiralty conception of a fit armament for our largest unarmored frigates, such as the Iiacrliantr clas. was a battery of (M pounders mounted on truck carriages. But here we have an unarmored gun-vesM'l carrying two 20-ton 10-inch breech-loaders, besides other guns, and fitted with a steel knife-edged ram. All the machinery and magazines are below water, and further protected by :i steel deck the vessels are built of .-teel. They are divided into a great number of waiter-tight compartments, and in which coal is stored, and they carry enough coal to enable them to steam at a speed of eight knots per hour for four weeks continuously, or a total distance of rather more than G000 miles." Each of these heavy guns commands a nearly all-round fire. The charge of the guns is 130 pounds of powder, and the weight of the pro jectile 100 pounds, the penetrative power equal to piercing IS inches of solid, unbacked iron plate. They carry besides in each four 10- iwlm 1ivnol.lnii1inir irniK ftvn Q.nnmwlw '"""" '"." " -""7 if ir UlCCl'Il-HJlUllHii ji !-, -"V ..ViV.V ..!.. VI...-. .V iW. (ratlings, and furthermore two steam cutters fitted with spar torpedoes. Their superior speed and greater range and power of artillery would enable them to in some measure cope with an iron-clad, since they could ordinarily choose their own distance, and from their diminutive ness would be very hard to hit: nor would a single shot by any means disable them, owing to the under-water and other protection given to their vital parts. China went to England for her gunboats, but now goes to Germany for iron clads of larger types. A shipbuilding firm, which had already one armored corvette for China on the tocks. has just received an order for another of the same class. THIS, THAT. AND THE OTHER. An old man with a head as d' ;titute of hair as a watermelon entered an A us in avenue drug store, and told the clerk be .mtcd a bottle of . hair restorer. "What kind of hair restorer do you prefer?" "1 reckon I'll have to take a bottle ' of red hair restorer. That was the color it used to be when I was a boy." Aleck Rtrvet. The man who sits down on the road to success and waits for a free ride will get left. Whitehall Times. And the man who jumps on the tail board ol" Mime one else's success will be greeted with a cry of "whip behind."' New Jfaven I'ey i.tcr. And be who drives another man's success . will be forgotten in the rush and hurry to giv j glory and honor to the favorite. Sleubeiirille Hrr'ahl. And be who is succcs full i apt to bubble ; over. X vriox.w. Tkiw.vk. Deathbed repentance is burning the candle of ; towed three miles did the captured captors suc life in the service of the devil, then blowing the ! ceed in cutting the ropes and saving themselves 1 snutVin the face of heaven. Lorenzo Dow. j FREE TO EVERYBODY ! A BEAlTTII'TIi HOOK FOR THE ASKUW By applying personally at the nearest ollice of THE SINGER MANUFACTURING CO. (or by postal card if at a distance,) any adult person will be presented with a beautifully illustrated copy of a New Book entitled GENIUS REWARDED, OR THE ( STORY OF THE SEWING MACHINE 5 containing a handsome and costly steel engraving frontis piece; also, 28 finely engraved wood cuts, and bound in an elaborate blue -and -gold lithographed cover. No charge whatever is made for this handsome book, which can be obtained only by application at the branch and subordinate offices of The Singer Manufacturing Co. The Singer Manufacturing Co. Principal Office, ."4 Union Square, New York. NOW READY. THE NBV EDITION OF WORCESTER'S QUARTO DICTIONARY, WITH SUPPLEMENT. LIBRARY SHEEP. S10. ; " '. TTrit.?ra' Reailew, and Students of all chases will find ' tt it superior to any other Dictionary. On questions of Orthography and Pronunciation it is unrivalled. 1egarded by Scholars in both America and England V as the Standard Authority. Contains thousands of words not to be found in any other Dictionary. Excels all other works in the eomplelenesr of its vo cabularv. Supplementary to the general vocabulary are valu able Articles, Lists, Rules, Tables, etc. nnhe Pronunciation, Etymology, and Definition of JL over 115,000 words are correctly given. ITmbraces 205S royal quarto pages, with over 1100 illus li trations, and four illuminated plates. T ecommended in the strongest terms by the most jLi, competent judges as tne oe,si dictionary ol tlie ? English Language. O tudents of all classes will find the special additional IO matter of great value and practical use. Decu it ledly the most satisfactory and reliable work of s kind. TllustRitions i are introduced liberally throughout the JL work. j Cthallenges comparL-on with any work of like char- i acter. j rrWie Supplement places it in advance of all other j JL similar work. J Is independent of all sect, parties, and idiosyncrasies j of every kind. j O' iinit- nothing that i essential to a Standard Un- ! abridged Dictionary. ""VTevr word to the extent of thousand- can be found JA exi cplained only in its pages. A vocabulary of Synonyinea of 3."),O0O words is a fea- abulary of Synonyinej .XJL tur ture of the new edition. reviewers have uniformly commended the new edi Vi tion in the hihe-l term5. "7"oii are invited to examine and tent the work at any JL Hook-tore. FOR SALK KY ALL. ISOOKSKL.LKKS. J. J5. LIPPIXCOTT & CO., Publishers PHILADELPHIA. The Gentleman's Monthly I.n the Only Magazine in the United States devoted to the Manly Sport. All the Best Writers contribute to its page-. Articles on the Game Bird and Game Fishes; Sketches of Doings by Flood and Field ; Interesting Stories. $2 a year. Send Stamp for Sample Copy. Address THE GKXTLEMAX'S MONTHLY. Box S2. Washington, D. C. TEXAS CHEAP HOMES FOR ALL! 50,000 Ziaborers can get Immediate Employment, at Good Wages, on Farms and Railroads in Texas alone. THE SOUTH-WESTERN IMMIGRATION CO. Will mall on application, free of cost, postage prepaid, books with maps, giving reliable information of Texas, Ar.Hansas, or Western Louisiana. Those meditating a change to a new country, please address J. N . VICTOR, Eastern Manager, 243 Broadway, New York. B. G. DUVAL, Scc'y, Austin, Tex. Ihreign Ojice:W3I. W. LANG, Pres. Leadcnliall House, Leadenhall Street, London, E. C, Eng. mmlWWnSSSml TURNING THE TABLES. A whale was recently stranded on an outlying point of the island of Walls, Orkney. fJlorying in their prize, inhabitants of all ages and both sexes hastened to the spot with knives, pitch forks, clubs, and what ever other weapons they could lay their hands on, and began to cut, stab, slash, and maul the monster. At length, when their victim was pronounced to be dead, they fastened ropes to the prize and began to tow it into the harbor on the rising tide. Suddenly the whale, feeling bis native element about him. made a bold dash for liberty and rushed out to sea, dragging the fleet of screaming arcauians in their boats behind him. Not until they had been and their boats from shipwreck. PATENTS I GEORGE E. LEMON WASHINGTON. 1). c. Attorney -at-Law and Solicitor of United States and Foreign T Established in 18Gr. CAN I OBTAIN A PATENT? Send a rough sketch or (if you can) a model of your invention to Gkokge K. Lhmox, Washington, D. C, and a Pkei.imi.vary Examination will be made of all United States Patents of the same class of inventions, and you will be advised whether or not a patent can be ooinmeu. For this Preliminary Examination No Charge is Made WHAT WILL A PATENT COST? If you are advised that your invention is patentable, send $20, to pay Government application fee of 15, and So for the drawings required by the Government. This amount is payable when the application is made. This is all of the expense, unless a patent is allowed. When allowed the attorney's fee ($25) and the final Government fee (20) is payable. By these terms you know beforehand, for nothing, whether you are going to get a patent or not, and no attorney's fee is charged unless you do get a patent. An attorney whose fee depends on his success in obtain ing the patent will not advise you that your invention is patentable, unless it really is patentable, so far as his l)est judgment can aid in determining the question; hence, you can rely on the advice given after a prelimi nary examination is had. DESIGN PATENTS and the REGISTRATION OF LABELS and TRADE-MARKS secured. CAVEATS prepared and filed. Applications for the REISSUE OF PATENTS care fully and skillfully prepared and promptly prosecuted. Applications in revivor of rejected, abandoned, or for feited cases made. Very often valuable inventions are saved in these classes of cases. If you have undertaken to secure your own patent and failed, a skillful bundling of the case may lead to success. Send me a written request addressed to the Commissioner of Patents that he recognize George E. j Lemox, of Washington, D. C, as your attorney In the case, giving the title of the invention and about the date of filing your application. An examination will be made of the ease, and you will be informed whether or not a patent can be obtained. This examination and report icfff cost you nothing. Interference Contests arising within the Patent Office between two or more rival claimants to the same subject-matter of invention, attended to. Appeal Remedies pursued in relief from adverse office decisions. Searches made for title to inventions. CorrES of Patents furnished at the regular Govern ment rates, (25 cents each, if subsequent to 18G6. Pre vious patents, not printed, at cost of making copies.) Copies ok Official. Records furnished. Opinions rendered as to scope, validity, and infringe ment of Patents. In fact, any information relating to Patents and to property rights in inventions promptly furnished on the most reasonable terms Correspondence solicited. Remember this office has been in successful operation since 1S), and you therefore reap the benefits of experi ence. Reference given to actual clients in almost every coun ty in the United States. Address, with stamp for reply, GEORGE E. LEMON, WASHINGTON, I. C. THE NATIONAL TRIBUNE. " The BeSt Eiglt Page Weekly J Journal in the Co u ntry , ASI) TIIK 0NLV OXE 1'1'RIiISIIEI) AT THE NATIONAL CAPITAL EXCLUSIVELY IX THE IXTEBESTS OF THE SOLDIERS A XI) SAILORS. Interesting Heading Matter for the Family and Home Circle on every page. SKETCHES, .STORIES OF TUB WAR. AGRICULTURAL NOTES. VALUABLE RECIPES, POEMS. ANECDOTES, &c, IN EACH NUMBER. A Sample Copy sent to any address upon iequest. Wlr'Tie sure and give full name, post-ofrice, and State. Address all communications to THE NATIONAL TRIBUNE, WASHINGTON, D. C. Von Laer Perfect Binders; Kor Periodical, Pamphlets. Music, etc. No holes , punched. Xo needles ued. Papers removed and re- ' placed an.' number of tinie'without the slightest muti lation or interference with the balance of the file. Ha- the appearance of a full hound volume. Binders put up lo suit anv publication with the proper title. 2tiimeof ...... , . i.r pi ' owner, it desired, embossed on back free of charge. When volume is complete it may be removed dandiiound canine man- ! permanently. leavin;the binder for use in the ner any number of time.-. All retail orders delivered f free of express charges. 3inders for National Tribune. ."V2 numbers, one year, leather back, and corner, paper -ides, S2.(i5. Special rates to club- and dealers. Send for circular and price-list. Order, and nve your Hie from further mutilation. E. L. LAMBIE, Sole Manufacturer and-Agent, Lock-iSox 'Mm. G'Hi K St., Washington, D. C. (( ANTS." O, those tiny little ants. How they clamber up our pants At the picnic 'neath the willow. in the glen. How they seem to take delight in The obnoxious sport of bitin' Indefensible and modet gentlemen. How delightful when one's cooing To the maiden one is wooing. To feel those playful creatures in his pants... Till he breathes an awful swear Upon the perfumed air. At the sisters and the cousins and the ants. How its sets one's soul a-throbbing To feel those insects bobbing Up and down his system in their merry glee; Rut there's one way he can right 'em, And that is to flee and fight 'em 'Neath the shadow of some distant friendly tree. The Brandon Union. PATENTS Answers to Correspondents. o- We are obliged to answer certain inquiries of the same nature in each issue of our paper. "While we cheerfully furnish information to subscribers in this column, we suggest that much labor, time, and expense may be saved both to ourselves and to our correspondents, if the latter and other subscribers would keep a file of the paper. They could then, at any time, turn to the file and proba- ; bly find the very inquiry answered about which they j would have written to us. "We trust that each and every ; subscriber will profit by this suggestion. , .1. 15., Utica, X. V. Any information with refor- eiice to our National Cemeteries will bo "iven Iiv J addressing Quartermaster s Department lOs.Armv. - ashmgton, D. ('. J. G. B. Xatick, Mass. Camp Butler, Illinois, was located some eight or ten miles from Springfield. It was a depot for recruits ami rebel prisoners. M. IX. Nashua, X. H ..,,,,,.f ,.,.,..,. ;-,. :.. ! advance, to publish any notice it must first be'ex- . iu piuniMi any noticc- - . - -- - -. .luu urnu.iu. 111 junincd. J. L.. Trkxtox, N. J. I ho information vou seek will be found in another part of our paper, a copv of which we send you. L. C. D., Elmira. X'. Y. The Soldiers' Home, near this city, is only intended for soldiers who havi' Wi. I in the Regular arm v. H. A. L., Kacixk. Wis. The rate of pension for a disability incapacitating for any manual labor was. up to June G, lSb'G, .-?S a month : from that date to June 4, 1872, it was $'20 a month : and from the last date and at present, $24 a month. The phrase "any manual labor," which occurs in the law, is construed to include the lighter kinds of labor requiring edu cation and skill. 0. 0., Newark, X. J. A homestead may be lo cated by an ex-soldier or sailor through an agent, but at the expiration of six months the principal himself must locate and commence cultivation: otherwise all claim to the tract will be forfeited. ; G. B. K., Newark, 0. The Equalization Bountv ; Bill proposes to grant a bounty of eight and one j third dollars a month for each month of actual ser vice, deducting all United States bounty already re I ceived. Multiply 8.V by the number of months you j served, and from the product subtract the amount i of bounty you have received the remainder, if any, ; will show you the amount to which you will be en ! titled if the said bill becomes a law. 1 J. F., IIolyoke, Mass. Claims arc not allowed iu I rotation. For instance, claim No. 203.G04 may be immHU "iuic eiaun o. iv-i,zv.j. J D. W., FlTTSBUKO, Pa. Q. What is meant bv , "Additional Homesteads'' under section 2306 of the ! Revised Statutes? A. An "Aditional Homestead" j under section 2306 Revised Statutes, is made and allowed in cases where a person who was a soldier ' in the rebellion for not less than ninety davs and i who, having been honorably discharged, did, on and I before June 22, 1S64, make a homestead for less than 160 acres. Under this section 2306 ln is nllnwl fn I make an additional entry for the amount of ditfer 1 ence between the area of the original homestead and 160 acres. If he does not choose to make the eutrv in person and at once, he can have a certificate of his right made by the General Land Office, this citv. and the paper covered by the certificate is called an "Approved Additional Homestead Ilight." R. . P., ork, Pa. You should address the Sur- , geon-General of the Army, Washington, D. C, in re gard to the matter referred to in your letter. X. E., Desmoi.ves, Iowa. The Government fur nishes headstones for the graves of all soldiers who died during or since the late war, upon application for same by relatives or friends. Address the Quartermaster-General of the Army, this city. G. S.. Portland, Oi:. The pension granted to a discharged soldier during his lifetime cannot be in creased after his death. V. J.. Ql-ehec. Ca.w One commissioned officer or two enlisted men are required in a pension claim to corroborate claimant's statement :is to the time when, places where, and circumstances under which the alleged disability was contracted. T. V. Atlanta. CJ a. Claims for property taken , by the United States A nay. in States not in insur- ! Jion during the late war, if filed prior to January tl, locO, can be prosecuted and collected upon the wcw pof ing adduced. J. 13. C Troy. X. Y. We cannot advise or sug- gest to ex-soldiers and sailors in what portion of the ' United States they will find the most desirable 1 lands on which to locate thtir homesteads, but we advise them to write to the Commissioner of the I General Land Office here and he will send all who seek information on the subject a pamphlet telling 1 all about our public lands. i D. IL B.. Burlington, Iowa. Up to a recent date a deserter at large from the rolnnterr service i could obtain a dishonorable discharge, and by thus having his military record completed, obtain a peu I sion if entitled thereto; but ex-Secretary of War 'aRamsey. just before retiring from the War Office, issued an order to the efteet that no discharges in ; such cases should be issued. The Commissioner of 1 Pensions has now the matter of allowing pension in tins class ot cases under consideration, and we will make known his decision when rendered. The above refers to those who have never received a final discharge. We wonld. however, advise all such to apply, as they will no doubt eventually have title. j Remaining answers next week. SOME NATRAL HISTORY. IJV JOSH HILLINGS. Fleas. The smallest animal of the brute crea tion, and the most pesky, iz the Ilea. They are about the bigness ov an onion seed, and shine like a bran new shot. They spring from low places, and can spring further and faster than any of the bug brutes. They bite wuss than the musketeer, for tba bite on the run: one (lea will go all over a man's suberbs in '2 minits, and leave him asc freckled a. the mea.les. It is impossible to do enny thing well with a Ilea on you except sware,aud ileus ain't afraid ov that; fiw. i.- -..- i .. ...,; ;.,:., it i i i the oim wa i. to quit biziness ov all kinds, and , . , ,, nimt tor t,,e u'il " when you have found him he ain't there. This iz. one ov the flea mysteries. tjie faokulty tllCV have of beinii" entirelv lost ill , .. , .. st us. im u.ii i liiiiuu menu I don't suppose there iz eer killed, on an aver age, during enny one year, more than 10 fleas in the whole of the United Stares ov Amerika, un- i less thare iz a casualty ov some kind ; once in a ! while thare iz :i dog gits drownded sudden, and j then thare may be a few fleas lost. , They are ahout az hard to kill az a flaxseed iz. and if you don't mash them az tine az ground pepper, they will shirt bizness again on a small kapital.just az petiverous azever. Thare iz lots ov people who have seen a flea, and it takes a pretty smart man to see one enny how: they don't stay long in a place. If you ever ketch a flea kill him before you do ennything else, for if you do put it oil" '2 minits it may be too late. Menny a flea has passed away forever in less time than 2 minits. P,ob Ingersoll says there is such a place after all, and that the thermometer stands at 102. Critics are sentinels in the grand army of let ters, stationL'd at the corners of newspapers and reviews, to chaVenge every new author. Long.