Newspaper Page Text
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THE SjjNpfcAY HERALD, SUNDAY, JUNB'Si, 1891. t
VULGAR ENGLISH "WOMEN
BAB ONLOXBON'S GKEATOAMBUNO
And the Women who nro Mixed Up In It
The Summer Girl and Freckles What
In Iiovo? Two Views of the Divine
Feeling "Why T.ovo Is Llko Ico Cronm
The Brntn's Spring DUcnsc.
Correspondence of Tin: Sunday Herald: -
New Youk, Juno 10. What do you think
of the Gordon Gumming afiair? What do you
think of the women who nrc mixed up In It t
Don't they strike you as a pretty low lot t And
doesn't the had blood of the so-called nristoo
racy come out most beautifully In this scanda
lous affair? And don't you think Ills lloyai
Highness, Albert Edwahl, Prince -of Wales,
lias convinced the world of his ability as a
hlockhcad? For my own part I don't care
whether the man is guilty or not, my sympa
thies are with him. Suppose 1 said to you,
"Come and stay a week at my country house;
Ave arc going to have a very jolly party;" and
you said: "Thank you; it will give me great
pleasuro." You came and wo concluded to
play cards; the first night everything went off
all right; the second night I had a funny little
feeling about the way you were, acting, and 1
made up my mind that there would be no
more cards played there. You were my guest
and no matter what you did In other places, I
couldn't permit you to dishonor yourself and
me in my house. Another thing, it may havo
been a mistake. The hostess who lets a mis
take happen a second time causes it to become
a blunder, and you all know that a blunder is
worse than a crime.
But no, this hostess tattled and cackled,
and forgot her duty as a hostess as well as the
decent behavior that should characterize a
woman. Now, the wretched man is brought
into court. Who sits besides the Chief Jus
tice, or whatever he is ? His pretty wife. The
court is filled with society women. What do
you think of that? Supposed that had hap
pened here. Supposed that a troop of fash
ionable women went to 6ee the mortification
and suffering of a man who had either cheated
and was suffering because of his crime, or
who was Innocent and was suffering ten times
more in that case. Do you know what would
have happened If an all-suflicient Englishman
had seen this here? He would have gone
home and he would have told the people all
about it, and dilated for hours on the vul
garity of the American woman. For sheer,
downright vulgarity there is no type of the
American woman that can compare to her
equal in the English woman, high or low, rich
or poor, and 1 who say this love with all my
heart some English women; think them
charming, and count them my dearest friends;
but just now I am generalizing. An English
woman will think more of a sovereign than
an American woman will of twenty, and if
some lady of doubtful reputation, with an
overwhelming title, chose to sit and witness a
criminal case, it does seem queer that she can
get all the fashionable set to follow at her
heels. There ought to be a thanksgiving In
England that the Princess of Wales, the most
courteous of gentlewomen, showed her disap
probation by staying away.
AX AMERICAN WOMAN'S IDEA OF KOSPITALITV.
The law of hospitality is stringent always,
and if the man under my roof, and who par
takes of my hospitality, Is a horse thief, It Is
my duty not to permit his being lynched on
the ground. After he has gone away the
people who are willing to accuse him can do it.
Tkey have got to do it openly, and not when
he Is undeV my protection. And that pro
tection means a great deal when it comes from
the hostess for, as in the East, the thief who
seeks the protection of the harem cannot be
touched even by the king himself; so in civ
ilized lands the man who is suspected should
at least be free from blame given by the host
ess. If a woman can protect, a woman can
usually make mischief in fact she is about
as accomplished in this art as any combination
that could be formed by a monkey and a cat
developed into a woman. And that a woman
will be found to be a ml6ehlef-maker In this
case that ha6 become so famous cannot be
doubted. "To look for the woman" should
be the business of Sir Gordon-Cumming's
lawyers and to accuse her, no matter what
should be her station in life, is his right.
Till! bUMMER GIRL AND FRECKLES.
Will you please tell me why girls object to
being freckled ? I never heard a raau 6ay he
disliked them. They are usually an evidence
of a healthy constitution and a girl with a few
f reckle& over her nose and under her eyes is a
much more delightful object than one who is
pale, dead white and looks as if she didn't
know anything about the sunshine of life or
any other kind of sunshine. A few freckles
like a snub nose have a certain piquancy, and
yet on an average one out of every ten girls
all over the United StaUs asks "Wliat will re
move freckles V" If she don't trouble herself
and will accept my prescription the freckles
won't tiouble the girl. If during the summer
days she doesn'tjclog up her skin with powder
and make it burn with some sort of a wash,
if she will permit herself to perspire naturally
and not be dabbling off the perspiration every
half hour or so, then she can bo pretty certain
that the freckles are not even 6kln deep and
will disappear long before the autamn days
come. Nothing is so good for freckles, in
more senses than one, than selecting a nice
sunny spot, with trees back of you, a pretty
bright umbrella to hold over your head and
either an agreeable book to read or a pleasant
man to talk to. Your skin slightly 6immers;
it gets warm enough to whltten and you will
be 6urprl6cd after a summer of this treatment
to find in what good condition your complexion
will be. If you must do 6omethiug put a
preparation of two parts lemon juice and one
part Jamaica rum on your face at night. It
might strike a man as a novel way of taking
or making a glnjsllng,,butit really is very good
for the complexion; the rum making the skin
lively and the lemou julco making it whito
what is i.ove ?
With tho summer has commenced not only
the annual tirade against freckles, but the
6wcct and sentimental Inquiry as to "What Is
love 1" hove Is very much the creature of im
pulse. Ono cynic of about 30, who has seen
all of life' and exhausted It, announces that
thcro is no 6iich thing. Another aged philoso
pher who had 6ccn about twenty-three sum
mers thought that Ioto was of little use unless
"a woman had been everywhere and seen
everything and could make it interesting for a
follow." For my own part, IVlou't think tho
woman who had been everywhere and seen
everything would bother herself about tho
philosophical youth of 23.
TWO VIEWS Or A DIVINE FEELING.
A young woman with delicious bluo eyes
and brown hair said that "Love was heavenly,"
but then sho had only been engaged twenty
four hours, and her experience was limited to
a solitaire diamond ring and a bunch of orchids.
A little woman who had been married eight
years, and who was the proud possessor of
two pairs of twins, announced "That love
was all very well In Its way, and that tho first
year or two of your married life you were
always devotedly fond of Charley, but when
It came to real satisfaction, give her babies I"
Nobody denied her her privilege. A man
about 00, who really knew what he was talk
ing about, said that "Love was like cham
pagne ovcry fresh glass seemed the best,"
while a bachelor of 45 said. "You know It Is
very nice to have a little woman fond of you,
and all (hat sort of thing, but never allow
yourself to get fond of her." Inasmuch as
everybody knew that ho was under the com
plete control of a woman who weighed about
ninety pounds, It was more than charming to
hear him make this announcement.
LOVE IS LIKE ICE CREAM.
For my own part, I think love is very much
like hokey-pokey ice cream. The day is warm,
the sign Is attractive, you stand and read,
"Hokey-pokey Ice cream, only 1 cent a
.square." You are weary, you are warm, you
feel In your pocket, you find the cent, you
know that you are going to get a delicious
mouthful that will make you, oh ! so happy 1
You walk up to the cart where love I mean
hokey-pokey ice cream Is sold, you lay down
your penny, you demand your square. It's
given to you on a piece of brown paper; it
looks fascinating. You walk back to the
pavement and you conclude not to take It
down in a gulp, but to enjoy It by slow mouth
fuls. At first It is delightful. The second
mouthful is cool, but suggestive of oleomar
garine; the third mouthful is waxy and sticky,
and then you take the last with a wry face and
are disgusted with yourself for buying It; feel
that It has upset your heart I "mean your
stomach and that you never want any more
again. And you don't, until the next time
you are warm and the enticing hokey-pokey
comes along to lead you to new loves and new
THE BRAIN'S SPRING DISEASE.
I regard love as tho spring disease of tho
brain. Tho system is all upset, and we take
sulphur and molasses, and spots come out on
our faces and we feel generally diabolical.
Then the heart and the brain get themselves
agitated, and the girls and boys get to think
ing themselves the only persons in the world
who thoroughly understand the delights of
hokey-pokey Ice cream I mean love and so
they rush out with their complimentary coin
seeking whom they may devour. This spring
time fancy may last durinc the summer days,
but at la6t, like the hokey-pokey ice cream, It
disappears In the early autumn and platonlcs
and chestnuts take its place. I feel that I
have said all that I cau about love. I trust
that I have given some tips to the unwary as
to the eating of hokey-pokey or love.
a woman's racing "tip."
Apropos of tips, I am not a very supersti
tious woman, that is no more so that a woman
who f eeU what life reallv is outfit to bo. lint-.
there was something about a race tho other
day that seemed a little bit odd. I had no
Intention whatever of going, but tho night be
fore I dreaned that I was there and that. I
saw tho board go up announcing the winners.
People were congratulating me on hnvlng
made so much money, and I was frantically
waiving to tho horeo as he was led off tho
track and expressing my devotion to tho
jockey, who was as black as tho ace of 6pades.
When I wakened up lit tho morning I had tho
paper brought mo (I really would rather go
without my coffee than my newspaper,) I
said to tho maid who brought it "Fipd tho
racingcolumnandlet mo htlck it hairpin in
it." She held it at arm's length for mo so
that I could not possibly read. I 6tuck tho
hairpin In and there it wag, 6amo horse. Then
I said : "I don't know its number, but I will
count thirteen up and down until I see whick
horse Is thirteen." You won't mind my say
ing "I'll be jiggered" whou I discovered It
was tho same horse.
NO WONDER THE MKN LIKE HER.
That day I told my story to two or three
men, and each one of them offered me largo
sums to put on It ($50 seems a very largo sum
to a woman), but I declined, for fear the
horse might lose. I didn't go to tho races,
but the first news sent to mo by telegram was
that that horse had won I Now, every man I
know feels that I Insulted him personally,
and kept him out of a good thing, and that I
did it on purpose l now could I help it that
I was given a mysterious power ? Tho ob
jection that I havo to it all was that it didn't
do the same the next night and give me
the name of tho winning horse for, I should
havo plunged with the enthusiasm of a
donkey and probably would havo lost, There
is no special moral to this story; it is just a
statemeut of facts.
THINGS THAT ARE FUNNV AND OTHERWISE.
Fact6 are sometimes funny things.
It is a fact that if we want to live wo have
got to pay our bills; that Isn't fuuny.
It is a fact that M'e go to the races and bet,
we occasionally win, and that is funny.
It is a fact that the little babies are going to
suffer terribly and die from lack of food and
caro In thl6 great, rich city and that Is not
It is a fact that n girl who has ouco been
told her waist l6 6inall, will draw herself In
until sho looksHko an elongated hourglass,
and that is funny.
It is a fact that thcro aro some men, who are
brutal and selfish in 'their own homes, and
polite and delightful outside of them, and that
is not funny.
It Is a fact that a red parasol, with a nice
girl under it, cau do a great deal toward In
fluencing a young man, and that is funny.
It is a fact that thcro aro thieves, criminals,
liars, scandal-mongers, and doers of all ovll
who, if they had ever the chance, or hadjvcr
had a helping hand put out to them, wouldn't
bo what they are, and that is not funny.
It is a fact there is no subject a woman
likes to talk about as much as herself, ami
that Is funny.
It is a fact If I keep thrusting facts on you
you will throw your papor dowu and you will
6ay, "That is not funny." Bah.
THEDISEASE OP DRUNKENNESS.
Great Success Claimed for tho Bichloride
of Gold Cure.
When ono is sick with typhus fever or
rheumatism it is not customary for one's
friends to declare that he ought to be
ashamed of himself, and that homust stop be
ing sick without loss of time. Such sickuess
Is regarded as a misfortune, and It Is realized
that a euro must be supplied before tho
patient can bo restored to health. But the
habitual drunkard seldom receives such con
sideration from those about him. His persis
tence in drowning his faculties In rum fills his
friends with disgust. They bear with him
awhile and then turn from him as incorrigible.
So he ruins his health and his fortune and dies
miserably before his time. Yet this man
suffered from a disease. Ho needed a cure,
which was not supplied him, and he died.
Tho man who has never tasted intoxicating
liquor has no desire to do 60. It is not diffi
cult for him to remain sober. Oa the con
trary, to drink enough liquor to Intoxicate
him would bo to such a man an exceedingly
disagreeable task. Then why does the drunk
ard crave liquor so eagerly? Why does his
whole nervous system demand It ? He has ac
quired an appetite for liquor, is tho common
explanation. But what sort of an appetite is
this which takes possession of every fiber of
the body, which sets the limbs to quivering
and turns the brain to fire? It 16 a disease.
The man is poisoned, and he must be cured or
the poison will destroy his life.
Dr. Leslie Keeley, of Dwight, 111., whoso
euro for drunkenness, cdnslstlng of bichloride
of gold administered both Internally and by
hypodermic injections, has attracted a great
deal of attention of late, claims that his treat
ment removes the poison from the cells of tho
body and thus destroys the desire for liquor.
The complete success of his treatment is at
tested by some thousands of patients whom he
has sent away cured. His theory of the cause
of the desire for liquor agrees with the expe
riences of men addicted to the drink habit.
Patients taking his treatment are permitted to
havo as much whisky a6they want, but within
a few days they lose all desire for it and there
after make no attompt to procure it, even re
turning to the physician the supply of liquor
which they have on hand. This is better than
any system of restraint by which tho patient
Is separated from his much-desired whisky by
means of bolts and bars and prohibitory stat
utes. If the claims made for Dr. Keeley's treat
ment bo true, its yalue cannot be overesti
mated. The instances of bright minds de
stroyed by drink are appallingly numerous.
Drunkenness once recognized as a disease and
confronted with a cure, there will be an end of
the heart-breaking business of 'trying to per
suade a sick man to be well and to cast off his
sickness as a reprehensible habit.
Babies Are the Higher Education.
New York Evenlujr World.
Notwithstanding the high average of health
that prevails among the graduates of Ameri
can colleges and universities, it is a pathologi
cal fact that the babies of these women aro
not only fewer In number than the families of
non-colleglato women, but are extremely ner
vous. The mothers of the most nervous ba
bies brought Into tho world are ex-schoolteachers,
and offspring of the higher educated
women como next. In a magazine article on
on una suDjeci, uamerme uaidwln says, com
paring tho health of American and English
university women: "Tho average health of
tho American college student seems to bo
higher than that of her English compeer,
(probably accounted for by certain college
physical condltlons,)but the American student
who has 'studied severely' does not appear to
recover as high a tone after leaving college as
the English woman. Tho proportion of AincriJ
cans who report bad health on entering col
lege Is 35 percent., of Englishwomen only
8 per csut. Such figures throw a side-light
on tho ordinary hygloulc coudltlon of Ameri
can well-to-do homes. While a large propor
tion of American college graduates marry, a
larger proportion nro childless. A smaller
proportion of them are encaged In educa
tional work In other words", more American
college-bred women aro absorbed In the homo
and philanthropic work of the nation, and so
acts as an invaluable leaven."
A Great Mistake,
Many people In Washington are U6lng al
leg ed mineral waters and paying exorbitant
prices therefor under tho impression that
they possess great curative properties. The
fact of tbe matter Is that they possess those
properties only In proportion to their purity,
thoso containing the least mineral or other
matter meeting with the best success and pro
ducing tho be6t results, The proof of this is
shown conclusively by tho great benefit and
numerous cures obtained by the U6e of Ta
konia water, which Is the purest water ever
discovered. While but a short time has passed
since the wonderful purity of tbe water has
been known and the water been on the
market, the company already have received
numerous testimonials from thoso whom tho
water has benefited and cured. In order that
all may use this wonderful water tho company
have placed the price at 10 cents per gallon,
delivered to any part of tho city, and will
gladly furnish any one a free sample on
receipt of name and address at their office and
depot, which is at 020 F street northwest.
One hundred per cent, in 8 months. How
is that for an investment? Mpuey placed in
Northwest Alexandria will bring that result.
Talk It over with A. M , Gorman, manager,
COS Ihlrtetnth street northwest.
IilKE THE IDEALS OF DORK.
Tho Western 11ml I.itndn AVrro Onru tho
Itottom oT tho Son.
Stretching along the wcMcrn part of the
Dakotas, oxtendlng westward Into Montana
and down Into Wyoming, In n curious uplift
known on old maps as tho Manvalacs Vcrrcs
of tho French explorers, on recent olios as tho
Bad Lands. In speaking of tbcm tho Western
people commonly accent tho word "bad," as
If to Imply that all other lands In their part of
tho world ware good. These lonely tracts
are rightly named, for they aro tho typo of
desolation, and as yet are but llttlo occupied
and llttlo known, for thcro Is nothing among
their fastuesses to Induce settlement or to
lure tho traveler after ho has seen an oxamplo
of what nature can do In tho wuy of big and
The average view In tho Had Lands Is as near
to tho sombre Ideals of Gustavo Don'-, as ex
pressed In bis "Paradlso Lost" and "Inferno,"
as one Is likely to find In a terrestrial scone,
and tbo spectator who visits them will doubt
less be reminded at frequent Intervals of what
ho has read of the scenery on the blasted sur
face of tho moon. Tlio region Is high above
the level o tho sea; t has fewjakes or rivers,
and It Is fairly well northciicumstauees that
aggravate its barronuess and bleakness. It
has obtained 6omo celobrlty during tho Indian
wars because of tho facility with which red
men can conceal themselves, in the deop do-,
files and bchlud thohtllAorscbrla that traverse
the district in all directions.' While grass
grows hero to a limited extent, aud while oven
Eotatoes aro raised In pockets of earth on tho
Illsldes, tho general aspect of tho place Is for
bidding enough. Saeo brush grows abundantly,
as In mockery of useful vegetation, for cattle
will not touch this odoriferous herb while a
spear of dried grass Is to bo found lu tho
neighborhood there is somo cactus and a
stubby buffalo grass, but only be6ldo tho river
Is any rich and positive green to be found,
though this look6 the brighter for the almost
appalling wlldness of the surrounding hills.
Tho animal life Is as scant as that of the
vegetable kingdom; a few wolves prowl
among tho buttes; a few pralrlo dogs build
their tunnels and domes In open places; an
owl was heard hooting In tbo dlstauce at
night, and now and thou antelopes aro seen
on remote heights, usually out of rlllo range,
and one has need to examine his path at
times, lest tho prevalent rattlesnake spring
and sting him. Save for these hints of life
In plant and animal there is nothing to re
call kinship with tbo States that nature has
treated more kindly both West and East.
Yet it should not be supposed that the Bad
Lands are gloomy. They are too full of color
for that. Geologically they aie the bed of an
ancient sea that wa6 upheaved In not remote
ages, aud, after their emergence from tho
water, tho escape of lakes and the How of
rivers from portions that have long since gone
dry wore down the deep caSons that traverse
the hills and covered the slopes with forms
that suggest 6uch things as tents, spires,
pagodas, and obelisks. The soil is an indur
ated clay that has not only a good deal of
color of its own, but that has been trans
formed by subterranean heat into terra cotta
and brick of lively red, brown, and yellow. The
effect on a bright morning Is therefore cheer
ful rather than otherwise, but this unwonted
brilliancy has the effect after a while of em
phasizing rather than rellevlug the general
AN ESSAY ON MAN.
Some of His Peculiarities Set Forth In a
Boston Home Journal.
Men are peeuliar; they wear No. 10 boots
and snore. This Is what makes it easy to rec
ognize a man when you see one. Men wear
hats they aro careful of, aud carry umbrellas
they are not careful of; when not losing them
they are always poking them into somedody's
eyes. Men don't gossip, but they go to their
clubs aud talk over the "news," Men don't
paint or powder (often), but they raise
whiskers that make them look like Scotch
terriers, and coax little hair moles to grow on
their chins. Men are not vain, but they never
like the young lady who says they aro not
Men aro consistent. They like to see tho
dress of a lady plain and simple, "hate furbe
lows and flummery;" but let a lady in a
"plain, sensible" dress enter tho car where
these men arc seated and she may staud an
hour and not one of them offer her a seat;
but when a lady enters arrayed In tho height
of fashion every one of them will spring to his
feet and glory in the honor of standing for
her sake or rather for tho sake of her clothes.
Men never find fault with themselves, not If
they can help it. Adam showed them how
they could help it, and they profited by his in
struction. Men take cold and think thoy are
going to die, and when you carry them a bowl
of herb tea they turn pale and ask If It is bit
ter and if you don't suppose it would do just
as well to take It next week.
Men don't lead around a poodle dog with
blue ribbon, but they chew tobacco and per
fuine their clothes with a pipe. Men aro
always wanting a shirt, and when they get ono
they aro always ready to swear that there is
not a button on It, when all the time tho but
tons will be there, only thoy can't find thern.
Men can never find anything, They pull off
their boots and forget where tliey put them
and pretend they lemember just all about it.
and after they havo rummaged around and
turned everything upside down and looked on
all tho shelves in tho pantry, in tho sewing
machine drawer, and upsotyour. work-basket,
sit down and remark that this Is a deuce of a
house, a fellow never knows when ho gets out
a thing when he is going to set eyes on it
again, and when you bring his boots, that you
havo found right where ho left them, he hands
you his slippers and wants to know If you
"can't jab them in some out-of-the-way cor
ner whero Old Scratch would never look for
Men think they know a lot, and thoy do
sometimes. Men aro a trouble, but they aro
handy to havo In tho house In a thunder
shower, or when tho wind blows, aud they are
not afraid of mice, I know this is tme,
because I once saw two men chase a mous,e
around a room for an hour (more or less,) and
neither appeared to bo in tho least alarmed.
Toward the eloso of tho chase ono of them
stopped to wipe his brow and remarked that
It was warm an exceedingly cool observation,
in my opinion, as It was cold and comfortable
upon the end of tho loungo whero I was.
We call attention to tho advertisement In
another columu of the beautiful subdivision of
Last Charlton Heights. The superior advan
tages laid before our readers are worthy of
due consideration. They consist, in part, of
high and healthful location, invigorating at
mosphere, cool and never-failing medicinal
springs of water, lovely groves of oaks and
pines, picturesque scenery, grand views, a
cottage hotel to bo erected, largo building
sites, easy terms of payments, nearness to tho
city, free transportation, etc., etc. For in
formation and transportation apply to room
5, 017 F street northwest.
ANOTHER AVQNDERFUIi MOTOR.
Not Julto nj MyMarlouH as Kooly's, hut
L t Almost as Wonderful.
Tho Surety Vnlve.
A new" englno has been invented that goes
without steam. It has no boiler and no piston,
but it's said to bo a hummer. To speak moro
strictly "by tho card," It Is a "now method of
obtaining motive power" by a peculiar combi
nation of soda,, gjycerlnc, and petroleum that
has been patented. It Ib a heat engine of a
typo entirely unprecedented, and in its abstract
theory Is bound to be a-succcss; that is, with
out putting it to a practical test, so as to see
If tho "whcols go around." The two main
reaturcs of tho. Invention recommend them
selves at once. f
The clnlnBofithe Inventor Is that ho can ob
talu from Lttrfity pounds of petroleum the
work of a Jhlfty-horsc-powcr engine for ten
hours; also that ho can run a street-car like
tho ordlnnry. electric with thlfty pounds of
petroleum a day. '
In an interview the other day the Inventor
said: "lu tho eTectric car tho motor gives out
upon the car 36 per cent, of tho power deliv
ered to the shafting of tho dynamo; and tho
steam engine delivers to tho shafting of the
dynamo only 6 or 0 per cent, of tho euerev
given out by tho combustlou of the coal.
Of course, If these claims aro correct, tho
now motor can and will replace the ste:.m en
gine for all purposes, Ocean travel will bo
revolutionized, for the space now occupied
by coal bunkers cau bo largely replaced by
active machinery. Electric transmission of
power will become a minor consideration
wheu tho primary englno Itself would be
lighter In weight than tho electric motor.
Kallroad locomottves will have to carry
freight to get weight enough to bold them to
tho rails aud make tho wheels bite.
Tho Inventor of this prodigy of mechautsm
Is Georgo John Altham, who was born in
bwansea twenty-nine years ago, and has lived
there oyer since. His parents are English,
and took him with them when they went to
the old country on a two years' visit. He at
tended school there, but. with that exception
all his education was obtained In the common
schools of Massachusetts.
ACROSS THE POND.
"What an Ocean Trnvolor Thinks of Hin
First Kun Over.
People who have never crossed the ocean
with a oand don't know what tbey have
missed. Tho band plays while the passen
gers aro eating dinner, and serves to divert
the thoughts from less pleasing matters.
Owing to the construction of the Columbia
(6he has three parallel keels) she rolls very
little, but with a good head-wind on she can
pitch most remarkably. It may be a freak of
my imagination, but I faucy that sho always
pitches worst about dinner-time. You go
into tho gorgeously decorated dining-room
and absorb your soup while your ears aro de
lighted with the strains of a Strauss waltz.
Then, during tho sllenco preparatory to the
next course, you notice that tho boat is rising
to ride over a wave. Sho goes up, up, up,
and then plunges dowu, down, down. You
go up witn her, but your liver flies up into
your throat so that you could bito the scollops
in the edges of It If you wanted to. Then you
stagger up on deck and lean over tbo rail
and the band plays "Annie Laurie."
Besides myself and nearly four hundred
other passengers tho Columbia carried a mill
ion dollars' worth of gold bullion to Ham
burg and about half a million in silver to
Loudon. The bricks of silver were piled up
beside my trunks on tho deck of the little
tender which took us up to Southampton pier,
and 1 seriously contemplated tho advisability
of dropping ono into my hand bag. Just as I
was "lilting" tho end of ono of them a person
about eight feet high materialized out of tho
gloom and remarked:
"Hi beg pardon, sir, but hl'm not hallowed
to let any person meddle with the bullion."
Tlio touo was firm but apologetic, and tho
accent was Impossible to reproduce in type.
Then I realized that I was in England. The
man was a government employe' and civil. If
it had been In America 1 would havo been
ordered off In very different terms, yet tho
Englishman's civility was as effective as our
brusquerie; besides, tho bricks were too heavy
to carry away.
That Is ono feature of English lifo that I
particularly admlro. Tho policemen, tho rail
way officials, tho Custom House inspectors
all seem to realize that they aro the servants
of the public and they do not regard the
casual wayfarer as if his continued exist
ence was annoying to them. At homo we
address theso functionaries with a tacit
apology for living and thoy answer us as
suits their Imperial fancy. Over hero strango
as it may seem, tho railway guards really
appear to be pleased to impart information,
the "bobbles" glvo directions with true
military precision aud waiters thank you for a
Up. "Thankee, sir," Is an expression heard
on every side. I was standing In tho Charing
Crossing Station tho other uight and an Im
portunate flower vender aunoyed an Irascible
old gentlcmau who was standing near me.
"Go to tho devil !" snapped tho old follow.
"lesslr, thankee, sir," responded the llowor
man and there wasn't atraco of sarciigm lu his
RIVERS IN FLOJUDA.
A ViHltor DlIatdH a r,lttle on tho Won-
dorn ofThoir Nmuiuk.
"Where havoyou beau?" said u gu5t at
ono of tho hdtel6'yeterday as a friend walked
up tho steps welljadon with souvenirs from
South Florida. A ( '
"Oh," waa ih5 "reply, "I've baa don to
Charlotte JIarbor and up that rlvr with tbo
"Yes, that'sit., I .spent six duys trying to
pronounce it apdiaveu't suooeoded yet.
fhese Indian uames are beautiful names, but
they aro dcucedly hard to pronounce, lly tho
way, whero havo you been t"
"Well, I wont ovQr to the Suwanee lUver,
cut over tho country and shot 'gators on tho
Withlacoochee, fished for bass lu 'Teal a
Apopku, sailed on Thonotnsassa, skipped over
to Okonlockkatchee, walked by tbo shores of
tho Weohyakapa, plucked fiowors by lllckno
cheo's limpid waters, visited tho sugar Holds
on Tohopekaliga, sailed on thu tortuous Kls
slmmee, was buffeted by tho waves of Okee
chobee, and have also captured tarpon on the
Caloosahatcheo', 1 ulso expect to visit Istok
pogayoxlo, Lockapepka, Hatcheueeha and
Ecautockhatchee before I leave the State."
"Gosh !" ejaculated his companion as ho
stepped Into tho hotel.
Ono hundred per cent. In 8 mouths. How
is that for an investment ? Money plaa&tl in
Northwest Alexandria will bring that roult.
Talk it over with A. M. Gonnuu, mauagor,
COS Thirteenth street northwest.