Newspaper Page Text
i !'"f -tf jStock, SikI returned to enjoy tho long CVClllllg. p Gathered in ft comfortable room, those Mho, iu youth, had known other scenes, told stories of Now KUghind, of the old Dominion, or of other distant places, Perchance one lmd. "crossed the plains" in enrly days. If so. he related the adventures of that long nml perilous journey, re hearsed his stories too often repeat ed of the El Dorado, and described the return by way of the Isthmus, ever mindful of the cupidity of tho Spaniards and of the voracity of the mosquitoes at Panama and AspimVall. Then news from the multeilng south returned to inliril, niid they vehem ently spoke of Buchanan and of treason. Meanwhile the children had been given the freedom of the dining-room, which also served as kitchen in winter. Of this the older ones had taken full advantage. Thence rang out the strains of "King "William,-''. '"Charles," mid VJosie," sung by happy voices, till parents gave notice that it was time, to go homo. Brief good-byes weie (said', Then nil, wrapped, rode home ,, throught the still cold night, bum lug with them pleasant memories 01 a JT Merry Christmas. HIS PA CATCHES ON. "Where have you been for a week back?" asked the grocerymuu of tho bad boy, as the boy pulled his tail board out of the delivery wagoit accidentally and let rt couple of bushels of potatoes roll out into the gutter. "I haven' t'Bceii you around here, mid you look pale. You luivcu't been sick, have you?" "No, I have not been sick. Pa locked nic up in the bathroom for two days mid two nights, and didn't give me nothing to eat but bread and water. Siuco ho has gob loligion he seems" to be harder than'cvcr on me. Say, do you think religion softens n maiifH heart, or does it give him a caked breast ? I 'spect pa will burn me at tho stake next." The proceryman said that -when a man had truly been converted his heart was softened, and ho was always looking forn chance to do good nnd be kind to the poor, but if he only had this galvanized religion, I his roll-plate piety, or whitewashed reformation, he was liable to be a harder citizen than before. "What made your pa lock you up in the bathroom on bread and water?" he asked. "Well," says the boy, as he cat a couple of salt pickles out of 'u jar on the sidewalk, "pa is not com cited enough to hint him, and Iknowcd it, and I thought it would bo a good joko to try and sec if ho was so confounded good, so I got my chum to di ess up in a suit of his sister's summer clothes. Well, you wouldn't beleivcmy chum would look so much like a gill. He would fool the oldest inhabitant. You know how fat he is. He had to sell his bicycle to a slim fellow that chrkh in the stoic, cause he didn't want it any moie. J lis neck is just as fat and thcie lire dimples in it, and with a dtcss low in the neck and long in the trail he looks as tall as my ma. Ho busted one of his sister's slippers getting them on, and her stockings wcro a good deal too big for him, but he tucked his drawers down in them and tied his suspender around his leg, above the kjicc, and they staved on all right. Well, ho looked killin,' I should prcvaiicate, with his sister's muslin dress on, starched as stiu as n shirt, and her reception hat, with a -white feather as big as a Newfound land dog's tail. Pa said ho had got to go down town to sec some of tho old soldiers of his regiment, nnd I loafed along behind. My chum met pa on the corner aud asked him where the Lakcshoro park was. 'She' said she was a stranger from Chicago, and that her husband had dcbcrtcd her, and she didn't know but what she would jump into tho lake. Pa looked in my chum's eye and sized her up, and said it would be a shamo to commit suicide, and asked if she didn't want to take a walk. My chum said ho should titter, aiid-he look pa's arm and they stiollcd tip to the lake and back. Well, yod may talk-about joinltig'thc church on probation all you please, but they' get their arm around a 'girl all tho bamc. Pa hugged my chum till he says he thought pa would bleak his sister's corset all to pieces, and he aqucezed my chum's hand till the j ing cut right into the finger and he has to wear a piece of courtplastcr on it. They started for the court' house' pink, as I told my chum to do, and J went aud got ma. It wa about time for tho soldiers to go to the exposition f or tho evening biz jicss, audi told ma wo could go down nml hco them go by. Ma just flowed a shawl over her head and we started down through tho paik. "When we got near pa aud my chum I told ma it was a shame for so many ,pcoplo to bo Bitting 'around lallygag ging right before folks and sho said ,111 wus iliHg'usliu'hnd tbvn'I pointed is ' CHRISTMAS. I -"-- DECEMBER, I MY ELEGANT STOCK OF GOODS 1 Suitable for the Season, Are Now Open and Ready for Inspection ! 1'i.koant Ni:w Dkhiosp in New Designs In Solid Stirling Silver (Gurluuii) , Wiili'lice, In Gold iintl Sler See my window. PERFUMERY & TQI'CE.T JUTICkES, Hosiery mill Furnishing Good", 'Ladies Bags and Satchels, Now Styles ; " ' GlovbVTios, arid Suspondors, in'gfeat variety. In fait, everything unliable for Young and Old ! r. McINEKNV. fr 'jlf A What d' yo lao Is ?,-, , SEWING BASKETS: t "WltH FlttlnRN. ltlntiiiel'H CologiicH, Cnrd Ohmcm. PliiMh Albania, Font, Feather. Flower. aV gnu 1UC11U8, &., In At unheard WSHITB Y JET JE WE LB Y. For all these and many other articles suited for "rr Christmas JA Go y 'Wttf'''- A. W. Richardson & Co. &J An; now olVuiiugMnne of the finest quality of M I GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS jf ?s i i , eer imported Into this Kingdom. Amougnt lliein arc 4'C I musiMrw j&,sr wbms m&m i Vt in the most ftiuioimblo shupo. ' s! l'l iff $ B-STCICIjE SHIBTS-oaly o, fo-w loft. J? V.'K hi ,vi Fancy Neck Wear for Mi Invoice of French Gaiters, which are just to hand. Call aiul purchase from A. W. JUC1IAIIDSON & Co., Ji. I s gX2S20 trpSSIE J, T, WATERHOUSE, 2nTo. lO FORI' STREET, )-'s. .-,.h.)(liin:fi Mi) . . 'llV!' i '! - ' -. ' 'llf. .i'.O,,! l-i TJIK FINKST ON TJlU V, I t i At the Fort Street Store, The usual display of TjBoful Goods, for all soasonB, m1 n will bo found at m3B8gm&MWb v' . L' U" ' I .!. mfi " 1 1 T,rtTr . . M ' -I 1882. What d.' yo lack ? (Mfc"!8' $ cndlcKs -vnrlety, of price?. Presents, to A. M. MELLIS', 101 Fort Street. every occasion. And an Corner of Fort and Meicliimt Streets. I Hl.-R-DP. iiki'i' -l linty . ' " ""ji" STOCK OF H I ! ISLANDS tho other Stores. Win. ,i g'SESsSESsESSSSSSSSI " '' '. to my ehiini who had hisMiend on pa's bosom, and pa was patting my chum on the cheek, while ho held his other in m around his waist. They was on the iron seat, and we came light up. bohiiuLthcm, aud when'mn' enw-pa's baliUhoad'l "thought she would bust. She, knew his head as soon as Mic sol eyes on it. My chum asked pa if he was married, and he said he was, a wldoyvcr. Ho sajd his wife tiled fourteen 'car ago, of liver complaint. Well, ni.i shook like a leaf, and I could 'hear her new teeth rattle just like cjiwitur strawberrtes ,ylth sand. In them. Then "my chum put. ,hts arms around pa's neck and said, ',If you love me hiss me in the mouth.' Pa was just leaning down to kiss my cluun when m.a couldn't stand it any longer, and slic went light around in front of them, and sho giahhcd my .chum by the liair, aud it all came off,, hat and all, and my chum jumped tip iimr TOlTffcrTitclrOiniTnriii 'Ihb'facc, and my cluun tiled to get his hand kerchief to Avlbc off the blo0d on his noseT" Aliuintt,filie turned to pa and he turned pnlc and then hIio' was eoliiit for inv chum.nuain wlien she said, 'Oh, Jtifc upon a fcller' and he see slip wns mad, vnnd he grabbed the hat and hair off the gravel walk i and took the skiit of his sister's tliess. in liiSp baud, and lited out for "home on a gallo). aud ma took pa by the elbow and said, ' Vousaie a nice old party! ahi'tou'cSJ! am dead, lUUjL?. Uledof liver'complaint fouiteen.years ago, did I? You will iind nn animated, corpse on your hands. AtouiUI kissing spry wim men out -in the nisilit air.' AVlien they' started h'omepa sccincd tov be as weak as a cat, and couldn t say a woi d, and I asked if I could go to the exposition, and they said T could. I don't know what happened after they got home, but pa was setting up for me when I ,got,back,and he wanted to know what I brought ma down thcie for, aiid howtl knew ho -was there. I thought icn would help pa TjuVftlib'SbrnpcThnd'lo'I told him it was not a girl he was huggihg at all', but it was my chum, and he laffed at first, and told ma it was not n gill, but ma said she knew a darn sight better. Sho guessed she 'could tell a gill. Then pa was mad, and he said I was at the bottom of the whole bizness, and he locked inc up, and said I was enough to paralyze a saint. 1 told mm tlirougn tne kej' liole that a saint that had any sense ought to tell a boy from n gill, and then he throwed a chair at me thioughthe transom. The worst of the whole thing is, my chum is mad at me because ma sciatched, him, and he says that lets him out., lie don't go into any more schemes with mc. Well, I must be going. Pa is going to have my ineasiiie taken for a rawhide, he says, and I have got to stay at homo fiom the span ing match and leai n my Sunday school lesson. Milwaukee iSiui . WAS IT PERJURY 7 .lames llalfstop, in order to appear as a bondsman, swore before a Little Kock Justice of the. Fence thai he was woith twenty thousand dollars. Shortly afterward the justice, learn ing that llalfstop was not; worth twenty-live cents, aud that he lived on a ion tod swamp faun, scut but a warrant for his an est. The man ap pealed in coin t , bunging with him his wife nnd two boys. "Mr. llalfstop." said the justice, "what have you to say why, you bhould not be committed, for perjury?" "How have I committed perjury?" "You swore that you arc w,oith twenty thousand dollars, but the fact has been established .that you arc not worth anything,' This is a clcnrycnse of perjury so clear, sir, that -the penitentiary gate is opening to ieccVu you.", ( "'l said' exchpnied Mr. llalfstop, "that 'I mil worth twenty 'thousand dollar. and I' Mick to it. 3im,' he adde(l. addressing one of his sons, "stand up here, .before the judge. "Now, sir, this boy is oitl(,nA'e thousand dollars. Ilririged if I'd take that piilo for him! Net, my son, you stand im. i Judge, tliiSboy is also woitli(llyc thousand, dollras. Sue," ho' continued, nddicssing his wife, "stand i. "Now Bmile for the judge. Now laugh a little. Seivthat, judge? That woman's worth .ten thousand dollarsyif she's .worth n ccntv --That makes-twenty tliousand dollars. Now I am worth five thousand iloHnrs wpuhjn' t, take, taJco that amount for myself. But I didn't claim (o rcpicscnt mine than twenty thbustmd dollars: don't 3911 seo?" f. The justice reflected for a uibniont, then said, "I guess j'oiijrc' rjgh't, sit1. ' fTlio ptntntcii arc' not pfaiu 'on the suhje, but I'll discharge Vdu'." "r ' ': ydn Sa3 -for 'instance',' a ' dog ,lo8cs ldj J jjiny ,11111 11 ruypiur ivava 1119 ,'",'' i ylocs it make' orphan's 01 'tlicn'i ?: FaTlsobts. f II tM ff ' S t Acow's paradise ii.' tho milky wav. Th'c matcrit'il for fjlsc optics cyes-in-glasi in-glass. JL A pah- ofj3lif)f)cis Thc,oraugc nml'h'anntinBkTiiSi Puck Strangers in a stratigo land: llauauas iu Nova Zcmbla. What's r,thct extreme penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law". The flisC case of black male, Ilatn. HOston Commercial Bulletin. A movement on foot trimming corn. THnciiinnti Saturday Night. Verj few milk dealers will acknow ledge that they know how tp swim. Suiqnco says it took millions of year-s.to evolve man from tho oyster. The waist of time can always bo found- In 'thc'hoi'ir-glass. Boston Star. If It wasVtior tho belles a good many people' woild miss being church members. Exchange. The ciicus lidcr'jdst elected tothe . Italian Pnrliamcnt.wns a ring candi date. r When the average man lapglis ho ' gets fat. When the printer gets fat ho laughs. A simple but significant inscription in a Western cemetery: "Tho editor wasim'' I 1 A piece of steel is a good deal like , a man when you get it 'red hot it los.es its temper. , To reprove a fool is simply lost labor; tlieieforc do not sit down and scold 3otti8clf. A dead-lock Tho fastening of a ccmetciy gntc. New Yoik Com mercial Advertiser. "Alcohol will oloan silver.'' Yes, alcohol will clean all the silver out of jour pocket. , , The fisherman beats the buyer by weighing fish in its own scales' New Orleans Picaj'ime. , A stump speech: "Gimmo the butt of yer cigar, mister?" Boston Commercial Bulletin. A buffalo is not a birdj but' wo have often heard of 'a buffalo( bil,' liowcll Commercial. The mnn who scissors off coupons is" the genuine revenue cutter.' Burlington Hawkcyc. ' Agitation is the method thati plants the school by the side of the ballot box. Wendell Philips. , Georgia exports 500,000,000 feet of lumber annually, which strips 93,00P acres of timber land. Children aro like boils. Every body knows how to take care of those that belong to other people. The cieme do la cicmc of soclctj souis on 111.1113' aspiring people. Boston Commercial Bulletin. Costumes arc to be less clinging this season, but prices will stick.; New Yoik Commercial Advertiser. To get up a dinner of great variet3, cooks should be allowed a wide range. New Orleans Picayune. 'Observation," Josh Billings sa3s, "snows mac 11 laKcs less incii a minute to transfer the oyster to man." A clergyman has said that modern 3'oung ladies are not the daughters of Shorn and Ham, but of Hem and Sham. Which word would you rather write "tweedledum" or twccdledee"? ' 'T eedlcdee, ' 'becniise it is wi itten with moiu ease c'j". " How could you think of calling nuntic stimuli G9 to her Immedi ately and tell her you arpj sorry." Freddie goes to inuitiu nnd says "Auntie,, I am sorry .you 1110 so stupid.." ' ' r The Lever that Sloven the World. A woman, latch looking at it'priut-ing-press at (wdrk turned to her com panion, and in a most earnest manner inquired "Well, Chailcy. an' thciu'rf the things as wiites the papers. Bes them what they call editors?" Fritz "Midler! To-day is my birthday."' Emma': '"And in.ti6, too." Ovarl: "Mine, too!" Bertlia: MMinc, tool'' Ida: "Mine, too!'' Mullci':i "Why, what a , remarkable coincidence, neighbor.!" ,M6ther: "Ah, 3os ; youscotwo cclebrateithcin all on tho , same day because nit's cheaper. "r-iFHeyeude Bluttef. When "MrH. Homespun, iwho' had lived Ull hori Hfo 'in a settlement iu the Far West, heard of tlio political assassinations in Ireland, and that tlic.v were attributed to tho Irish, sho exclaimed, Massy sakes! Ybi don't tell' mo tho IHsh have g"ot 'into Ireland? 'Well Svell, I bellcVc they'ic everywhere!" ' ' ' ' , pirici VistvvA'fXqur boyjJK's jfiy badK Mrs, , Jpnep ; what's, fip miittcr?" Mi-s. Joiies--,Yea,,'ift'"n,pi,,' he jio very )nul. nud,whnVp more,, tho (Innfni'a linu unndfi.liitn Tirirtan'' T'ni Y " f....v.v, ...... v.rr.nf.. .rfM-ftri sy Hit i i l"" 1 r j 7uYvijeiY m mwmngjuipje, -, t(i j 1. -:r i w W ' ' J .- .